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It just didn't feel the same any more. It's like I had woken up one day and realised that I just didn't love him anymore, not like I used to atleast. His eyes used to twinkle like a constellation of stars, his skin glowed and shined beautifully, but now...His eyes were dull and barely held a single light, let alone a star. His beautiful tanned skin had become pale and dry scattered with scars that he would rather not talk about, and he just wasn't my world anymore. He was just another person walking on this cruel earth, and for once I didn't feel sympathy for the things I have put him through. I just feel empty and numb.
"Josh, I don't mean to be blunt, but I, just, uh, I don't love you anymore." I barely choked out, the last few words getting stuck in my throat while I felt my palms produce sweat and become clammy and hot.
"I know." He said, with a voice that resembled a whisper.
"I can tell by the way you look at me Tyler, it wasn't like how you used to look at me. I can tell I don't make you happy anymore." He let out a deep breath and continued,
"I miss the way you cared about me, how you looked at me as if I was your whole world, but now everything's changed." Josh let out with a sarcastic laugh wiping away the tears that escaped his eyes with a shaky hand.
"This whole time I thought you were everything, but I guess not. We never found love in the city, I just wanted to be with someone and feel something other then loneliness but you just aren't the right one for me." I said through tears, the realisation hit me that I never loved him. I just loved the idea of loving someone and being loved back. I never cared for Josh how I wanted to, all those times I held him and kissed his forehead was me trying to reassure myself that I have found the one that will grow old with me. But the truth is, is that I don't see myself getting old with him I don't see a future ahead, I never wanted this. Seeing the looks he's giving me is painful, and I deserve what ever he will say to me back.
"Tyler, I loved you so much, in fact I still do. I wish I could be the one to make you happy and be the one you could write endless pages about, instead of lyrics that are scattered and filled with sadness and loneliness. I'll miss you." His voice was shaky but what do you expect when someone who supposedly loves you confesses they never loved you.
Josh shakily opened the apartment door and stood at the door frame waiting for me to say anything. Waiting for a plea of 'come back' or 'wait, it's a mistake, I love you' but nothing came out. I just waited for him to do something, the sound of the clock hanging on the wall has suddenly become louder and I concentrated on the noise. Moving my eyes back to his he gave me one final half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and walked out the door, closing the door quietly behind him. I stood right in front of the door for what seemed like hours and finally let the emotions hit me like a big wave. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't breathe, because not only did I just let go of the one person who understood me, I let go of all happiness that was in my life.