Chapter Text
And suddenly everything changed
Felix always knew he was different, he never felt part of a group nor did he ever felt liked by his friends, at least there was no one he could call his best friend, cause every single one of them already had one. Felix was always the second choice, no matter if in friendship, with his family or in love, he felt like he was never enough, never number one. The girl he liked dated one of his good friends and whenever he liked someone he suppressed it, because he knew that he would never have a chance.
His parents were divorced since he was 5 and one day his mom decided to move from Australia to Korea, a country where everything was different and where Felix had nobody besides his mum and step-dad.
His mom always worked as much as she could in Australia so she could give Felix the best live he could get, but she wasn't happy either, so she moved to Korea, to her new husband, her first teenage love. She moved in the name of love and in hopes to give Felix a better future.
He didn't know anything about Korea, he didn't know the language, the culture, the people, their traditions as well as their mindsets and values, everything was different. It was such a difficult time for Felix, but that was another story...
But even in Korea he felt like back than. Sure he had good grades, after learning the language he was the best of his class for years and yes he had friends and would socialize with everyone. But there was still something missing.
***
Until he found his best friend Han Jisung. You could say that these two were soulmates, not romantically but in a friendship way. Felix didn't feel like a second choice anymore, at least not with Hannie, they were destined to go to the same school, to get to know each other and to end up as best friends. Time passes and both get into different Universities which seems to only strengthen their friendship. Felix admires his best friend, although he has some family issues, he is amazed by his friend's self love, confidence and beauty, because, yes Han Jisung was hot as fuck and of course he pulled everyone he wanted.
And on the other side, there is Felix, who never had a girlfriend, who never kissed or was touched by someone, Lee Felix who never dated someone and everyone he liked didn't like him back(not that he confessed) or had a boyfriend already.
Felix was actually a very bubbly, extroverted, funny and happy boy, always smiling and being nice to everyone. He loved to help people, he loved his family, he was smart and skilled, and he was in fact confident about his academic path.
But on the other hand, he felt like shit, he never felt like he was enough, why can everyone be more confident than him, why does he hate his body so much, why can he loose weight when he tries so hard and still can't... he wants to be desired, to be loved, to be cared for... but the problem is that he doesn't love him self, nor his body, his face and even his personality. He just thinks he is weird. He should be prettier, more masculine, more appealing to women, he should have more courage when liking someone, but when he did, he didn't really believe it could happen, because why would they like him back?? What does Lee Felix has to offer anyways.
And with time he starts to lose interest in girls, it's not like that he doesn't find them attractive, but he can't imagine himself with them anymore.
***
And than suddenly everything changes...the day that Hwang Hyunjin entered that door he knew there was no way back...
And that's how in his Freshman College year, he finds out that he is bi or gay, he doesn't know it himself. He didn't tell his family tough, just his close friends which he knew he could trust.
Hwang Hyunjin is one of those popular guys, the campus Prince, he is masculine, handsome, sexy, but with time Felix also finds out what a beautiful soul he has. He is passionate, he is an artist, a painter, a dancer, a romantic, a flirt, a good friend, a good son and a hard working person. Felix and Hyunjin barely knew each other, they had some classes together sure, but Hyunjin always seemed so unapproachable and Felix as always, was only there observing the person he liked.
Little did Hwang Hyunjin know he was Felix's gay awakener.
Little did Hyunjin know how he corrupted Felix, in every way possible. How Felix stalked him on social media, how he admired Hyunjin's art, how he jerked himself off while looking at Hyunjin's picture...he was so fucked up, but he felt so good about it.
He often asked himself "what am I even doing? This man doesn't even know i exist and even if he did, he wouldn't look at me twice?! There is no way"
***
Felix decides to visit a campus exhibition on Saturday, where students can present their art works. While admiring and trying to question all the paintings, he comes across a specific one, that makes him want to observe it and immerse himself in it for a little longer than the others. It catches his eye as well as his heart. It's a man hugging himself, the colors he uses seem to represent his feelings, his life problems and his own overthinking persona. His arms seem to hug his insecurities, scars and loneliness.
When Felix looks reads the artist's name
"Hwang Hyunjin"
"NO WAY" he thinks
He is too stunned to speak, he couldn't believe how talented his man was. He finds time for his passion even though he is always busy with school and work. He takes a picture of the painting, already with a lingering idea in the back of his head. He was actually perfect, Felix thought to himself while continuing to admire this unique painting.
"It's just a simple text what are u afraid of" he keeps repeating that same phrase in his head until he finally takes all his courage and texts Hyunjin. He had his number saved from the university's group chat.
" Hello Hyunjin this is Felix Lee, I was at the campus exhibition today and I came across your painting, you probably don't even know who I am but we have some classes together. I just wanted to tell you how immersed I was the first time I saw your painting. It says so much about how the man feels and the colors representing everything that goes on inside his head, like he can't control all his thoughts and problems. It feels like he is hugging himself to protect his body but at the same time to hide his insecurities. You're are an excellent artist, I hope you continue you art and inspire people with it in the future, like this painting did with me! See u on Campus"
He presses the send button without thinking twice, he feels so nervous, it's just a simple text, but he has had a crush on this man since the first time he saw him entering that classroom.
And after a few minutes, his phone rings—new message—it's Hyunjin!
"OMG, OMG, he answered so fast! Should I open it already!?"
Hj: "Hey Felix, yeah, I know who you are! Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I have been busy lately, so I didn't have much time to paint, but I am glad you still liked it. That gives me motivation to continue my art! I hope I can continue to inspire you! See you tomorrow? 😉🎨"
Fl: "Yeah, I really liked it, and I am happy it gives you motivation to continue. You definitely shouldn't abandon a talent like that! Now you know that you already have at least one fan 🫶"
Hj: "Are you saying that you're my number one fan...?"
Felix has to read that message again. He smiles so hard... Wait, is THE Hwang Hyunjin flirting with him? It can't be, right?
Felix knows Hyunjin; he is a very flirty guy. He is like that with everyone and doesn't hide it. It's just how he is; that doesn't mean anything.
And even though that's just Hyunjin being himself, he feels a little something in his stomach. He wouldn't say butterflies, but it's definitely something. The thing is, nobody has ever flirted with him. He doesn't know how to react, but he surely loves the feeling.
Oh boy, he is overthinking again...
Just act cool, try to flirt back. This means nothing; you know he is like that with everyone.
Fl: "I definitely am. I mean, I have never been so attracted to a painting like yours today."
Hj: "Well, I hope the painting isn't the only thing you find attractive, Mister Number One Fan."
OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THIS AND WHAT DO I ANSWER TO THIS?
Fl: "🤭🤭"
"It is not... The painter is even more attractive."
Hj: "Thanks, sweetie. I am glad you think like that 😉"
DID HE JUST CALL ME SWEETIE?! Felix, breathe. He is a menace; you know that... Just calm down.
Hj: "See you tomorrow, sweetheart. Sleep well."
Fl: "Goodnight, Hyunjin. Sleep well, and see you tomorrow."
Well, let's say that that night was a sleepless one. Felix was so nervous about the next day that he didn't bat an eye. Why was he feeling so fucking nervous over a goddamn text? Man, pull yourself together; you've never even talked to him in person!
It's okay, sleep was overrated anyways...