Chapter Text
— Por favor María Teresa! Entiende que yo nunca estuve interesado en ti! Mi corazón esta desde siempre con Juana Lucía! —The soap opera actor said from the television to the show's star actress, who gasped at the sheer audacity of that man
Wile E. Coyote (Carnivorous vulgaris), He was sitting at his desk at night, trying to devise his next plan to trap his eternal rival, The Road Runner (Acceleratti Incredibilus), in order to eat it and share the stew with his friend, Kevin Avery
A week has passed since his visit to Congress for the Acme trial, where the coyote has been chasing the Road Runner without giving up, he created new inventions and his own traps that, while they didn't work with Roadie to be honest (and Wile received collateral damage from his own inventions), these were better than using any Acme brand product
That and he is on the Acme Black List, but details
He just sighed while trying to think what to do now, maybe he should shrink himself, that worked last time... except he didn't know what to do next with the Road Runner being more bigger than him
Ideas, many ideas ¿But what could work?
He looked at the Blue Feather by his desk, he then remembered that day in congress
.... Did he actually care for him so much to travel from New Mexico to Washington.... To testify on his behalf? To support him? To look at him in dismay at the question of whether he knew the pain and suffering that was happening due to the malfunctioning of Acme products? To tell everyone in the while world that he considered Wile as his friend? . . . To ask him the infamous question "are you coming back?" in front of everyone in the court?
That left his head questioning things.... things that he didn't know he felt
But he needs to focus! For the Sake of the one and only thing that matter
Wile E. growled and tried to think on how to catch that slippery bird, Sooner or later, Roadie will fall right into one of his traps ¿But how?
— Eres un bastardo Pedro Maximiliano! ¿Por que me dejas por esa bandida cuando yo siempre estuve a tu lado? ¿Y a donde piensas ir sin mí? —The Television continued making the Coyote look at the screen in pure indifference—is there really no good telenovela with decent narrative quality for a genius like him? . . . But he had to admit it was entertaining to watch the cheap drama unfold; sometimes a genius like him needed this kind of escapism
— A los brazos de Juana Lucía! Me ire sin tí! A donde nunca vas a poder atraparme o alcanzarme! —The Actor walked right to the door but before he could leave, the actress screamed something that left both the Coyote and the actor speachless
— ¡NO TE VAYAS! ¡ESTOY EMBARAZADA DE TU HIJO! —She screamed while the dramatic background music intensified, Wile E. opened his snout out of impression.... but quickly he shook his head in self-disapproval. Seriously? Did he really let himself be impressed by that?
The actors stared at each other, Wile E. only looked how how things were going to turn out, maybe he will leave her and the unborn child to go with the mistress, the other woman he was cheating his fiance
— ¿Estas embarazada? . . . María Teresa ¿Estas realmente embarazada? —He asked in total disbelief, only to her to nod her head
— Lo estoy Pedro.... y no lo voy a abortar, lo voy a criar SOLA! No te necesitamos en nuestras vidas —The actress said until the actor just said
— No.... no es eso necesario.... —He said in a now soft voice and hugged her— ¡Vamos a ser padres María Teresa! ¡Nos casaremos en tres semanas!
Wile E. Coyote saw that with his jaw dropped and his eyes wide as saucers. Did that ACTUALLY worked? The actor was already ready to leave... but did he stay at the thought of becoming a father? And did the actress manage to keep him by her side so he wouldn't leave with his mistress? Just by telling him she was expecting his child???
. . . That is the most boring, desperate, irresponsible, and dirty way to trap someone
Unconcerned, Coyote turns off the TV with the remote and only gets up to cook some grilled roadkill for dinner while the idea simply wouldn't leave his mind
. . . He wasn't going to deny that that method was effective . . . In fact, that would make the Road Runner finally let himself get caught
But... what would Wile E. do with their off-spring afterwards? Or rather, how will their off-spring come into the world in the first place? If the Road Runner wouldn't let himself get caught, he certainly wouldn't go along with this sort of thing; besides, Wile E. Coyote wanted to eat him so badly . . . but not in that way
While he grabbed a Roadkill rabbit from the fridge, he keep thinking, What would he do to pull off this plan? Bring the Road Runner bird seeds and desert flowers, and tell him he wants to have kids with him? They aren't even a couple; he only found out a WEEK ago that Roadie considered him his friend
Besides, nothing guaranteed that he would be willing to have a family. Wile E. had never seen him with another Roadrunner and never see him wanting to date someone, not even when he dressed himself up as a female Roadrunner
After cooking his roadkill, he took the plate of food, went to his sofa, and turned on the TV, hoping to see what was happening in that cheap soap opera—only to find a commercial passing through the canal
— Wanna Start a Family with the Cartoon of your dreams but isn't Biologically Possible? Don't worry toots i gotcha~ —Said a Tuxedo Cat in a Sparkly Pink Dress with a tiny box by her side— Hi! I'm Penelope Pussycat and i challenged Mother Nature and won! and now, i can assure you i have invented the "Hera's Blessing", pills that makes cartoons have children between them, regardless of whether they are of the same species or the same gender
The screen changed to two cartoon characters, a yellow duck with brunette hair and a blond rabbit, both female in white dresses
— For example, for this pill to work, both parties decide which of them will undergo the pregnancy process: if one party is a mammal, like Lola here, they will go through the pregnancy process according to their species; if the other party is not a mammal, like Tina here, they will go through the process of laying eggs according to their species —Penelope explained while being in between them— So, When they decide, one of them takes the pill—just one is enough—and they must have "the birds and the bees" right away~ . . . oh! and if both of you are not women, don't worry toots ¡Hera's Blessing is able to get any toon pregnant regardless of their gender!
The camera cuts off to both cartoon women holding a baby brunette bunny with both mothers looking so proud at her baby daughter
— And just like that, the one who took the pill will be pregnant, and their little blessing will arrive when they are ready~ —Said the tuxedo cat in front of the cute little family— So ¿What are you waiting for? ¡Start the family you want with your partner if that's what you want toots~! ¡Call 1-800-HERA and make your wish come true!
Wile E. Coyote immediately picked up the home phone and ordered those pills, luckily, the issue of how they would be able to have a child together was resolved
Next Morning, he looked at the box with a blank face, it was a medical box with the words "Hera's Blessing" and it have the ingredients, instructions and some side effects such as inducing a heat or increasing libido and a change in.... well, genitals and reproduction system for toons that are not women in 24 hours, unless the did get "The devil's tango" and managed to get pregnant the consumer
So, he looked at the box, next thing to do was.... courting and convince the Road Runner to have a family to have his consent
Because Wile E. Coyote could be everything but not a sex offender, he was better that some people and toons out there calling themselves "genius" while they hurt and abuse some innocent people and toons, he WAS better than them.... but
He didn't know how to flirt or court.... or even how would he will ask Roadie to start a family....
The Coyote needed advice, so, he took the box and walk outside his cave with a black bedazzled jacket, denim pants, some cool sunglasses and a black helmet, ride his beloved new black motorcycle (not acme branded so it won't explode) to go to the city, maybe his human friends Kevin and Paige could have advice on how to approach romantically to someone.... however, what Wile E. didn't know was that a certain bird was going to check why he hadn't arrived for his morning chase
So he drive in his motorcycle hearing a "Beep Beep" by his side and he looked at the Road Runner passing by him, but Wile E. just ignored that and went to his own speed, careful to not crash into a cactus
Three minutes later, the Road Runner came back to him and let out a "Beep Beep" while holding a sign
[You are so slow today] He pointed out, but Wile E. looked at him and let out a sign
[Im not chasing] Wile E. explained, to then spin the sign [Goin' to the city]
[Why] Asked the Road Runner to then spin his own sign [Are you coming back?]
That simple question strikes again, making Wile E.'s Heart beat of joy, blushing out of shyness
[Yes, and i will chase you] Said the Coyote with eyes on the Road, Roadie's eyes gleamed by reading that
[Promise?]
[Promise]
Rodie just smiled while letting out a happy "Beep Beep", while Wile E. went off to the city and the Road Runner stop running just to see his beloved life partner go away, when he comes back, they will continue their lovely and fun routine courtship pursuit, especially after seeing how handsome he looks with clothes
Upon arriving in the city, he simply parked outside the building of Avery, Jones & Maltese leaving his helmet behind, walked into the building opening both doors. there were not so much people, Some cartoons were being attended to in the offices by the lawyers or were waiting paitiently as clients in the waiting area, Wile E. just go past them and smile at them confident, while Kevin opened his door from his office to let go a cartoon mouse with a big yellow hat who walked to the main door
— Don't Worry Mr. Gonzales! I'll help you with this case! —Said Kevin to the mouse who looked past at the Coyote
— Con Permiso Por favor —He asked in Spanish while Wile E. let out a sign that sayed [Pase Usted] making the mouse smile and go by his way
Kevin then looked at the Coyote surprised
— Wile E.? What brings you here? and also, nice cool jacket you have there —Kevin complimented while Wile E. hold up another sign
[Need Advice] he said to spin the sign [Are you free?]
— Well.... yes, i can go to my lunch break. Wanna go eat something? do you want chicken wings? its not Road Runner but they are delicious —He said making the coyote think about it and then nod at the idea, that sounded nice, and it was better than eating fried chicken— ¡Paige! ¡Come here! we are going to lunch break
Paige came and then smiled at Wile E. waving at him happy, while Coyote waved at her back
One ride on car for Kevin and Paige and one ride on Motorcycle for Wile E. later, The three of them were on a Fast Food Wings establishment were they ordered their food and Coyote held up the same sign [Need Advice], that made his human friends looked at him
— Legal Advice? What did you do this time now? —Kevin asked making Wile E. shook his head "No" and letting out another sign that makes both humans looked at him in disbelief
[Love Advice]
That make both humans looked at each other
— Love Advice? How come? Did some cartoon coyote catched your eye? —Paige asked making the Coyote look at them with another sign [It's Complicated]— How come?
Wile E. then looked at both, he writes over a Sign and looked at them with his cheeks reddened that left both layers speachless
[I want to ask them something serious] Wile E. confessed and Paige nodded understanding
— Well you could tell them the truth, and ask them with honesty if they want to start something serious with you —She said with a pretty smile— Honesty is the best Policy, and you could be a good life partner
Coyote smile proudly, at least someone recognized his potential
— So was is this serious question? —Kevin asked while a waitress came with their orders, both humans ate while Wile E. devoured the wings with hunger, those things were delicious, sadly, they are not Road Runner wings
After eating the food, Wile took a Sign and write in it the answer to Kevin's Question
[Wanna Settle Down] half true, he didn't have to know the details
— Oh! That is good for you! —Said Kevin happy for his friend— Whatever you need, we are here to help you
Wile E. smiled while Paige smiled
— So- What did you plan to tell them? —She Asked making the Coyote lift a Sign
[Stargazing and dessert flower bouquet] pointed out making both humans look at eachother, that was a great idea actually
— Well, good luck on that tiger.... well coyote —Said Kevin while Wile E. smiled and lift up a new sign
[Gotta go!] Then he spin the sign [Thanks for the Food]
He waved goodbye and left in his motorcycle while Kevin and Paige wave him goodbye
— Is it me.... or he looks very happy today? He didn't get harmed by anything —Paige pointed out while Kevin shrugged his elbows
— Must be the excitement, and whoever must be the one who stole his heart.... they are making him very happy —Kevin answered very happy for Wile E.— I think he has everything under control and he is very confident in whatever plan he has in mind
There was a awkward silence in that table, but the black haired woman said
— Are we going to spy on him right?
— Absolutely
Wile E. Coyote drived back to the dessert under the beautiful sunset sky, collecting every dessert rose he could find to make a beautiful bouquet, the Road Runner, noticing his mate on top of a mesa, runned to him letting out a "Beep Beep" that make Wile E. look at him while hiding the bouquet
[You are back!] Road Runner said with a Sign and then spin it to reveal another message [Are we going to chase now? ♡]
Wile E. looked at him with a blush in his cheeks because of that damned heart drawing and then lift up a Sign
[Yes, but] He then spin with eyes on the road [Meet me out of my cave at night, it's a truce]
Road Runner just left out a "Beep Beep" and lift a Sign that said [Okay ♡]
They were going to start the traditional courting chase but, before anything could start, the Road Runner lift up a Sign that left the Coyote's face red in a dumbfounded expression
[BTW, You look handsome in those clothes ♡]
Before Wile E. could speak, the Road Runner place a lovely little peck on his cheek, left out a "Beep Beep" and runned very Fast
And before the coyote could accelerate towards the Road Runner, he crashes into a Cactus making his beloved motorcycle explode and lefting him and the clothes covered up in ashes
.... Well at least the bouquet is intact
He stand up from the leftovers of his vehicle (he would fix it later) while coughing the ashes, and then he starts running towards the blue bird to pretend he is going to catch him, after all, he had a plan, a brilliant plan this time around, one that didn't need a chase
Let the Operation: Baby Trap the Road Runner begings!