Chapter Text
I am alone, so don’t speak
I find war, and I find peace
Find no heat, no love in me
Growing up was difficult. Of course, it’s difficult for everyone – that stage of life is the most awkward, the most uncertain, the most emotionally tiresome, physically astounding and generally most overwhelming. It is the most awful few years to be something other than normal, something outside of the box.
Being as smart as he was had so many negative consequences all on its own, that his gender didn’t really enter into the situation. Spencer had graduated high school before his body had developed enough to know, and by the time he did present he was already accustomed to being bullied and beaten and ostracised. Being an omega didn’t make it any better or worse, really. It was just another one of those things.
It was actually good that he was so far ahead of his age group, in that regard. It meant that the older kids had already been through accepting each other and dealing with their own genders, so there were distinct groups and cliques who were kinder to Spencer. He wouldn’t go as far as to say that they were friends, but they were certainly more understanding of him. For all the wrong reasons, and they didn’t really understand him at all, but the sentiment was nice.
It became a little more difficult at college, where the other students weren’t accustomed to him. In theory, people are supposed to be more accepting at college – friendly and fairly intelligent and from all walks of life. However, more than one occasion saw Spencer employing capsicum spray against an alpha college boy who’d drunk too much.
He did report the first few assaults to campus security, but after he realised that it was almost completely ineffective and far too difficult to prove without actually having been raped, he didn’t bother. He lost count of how many times he’d been approached and propositioned by an arrogant alpha male – even female on a few occasions. Sometimes they didn’t even bother to ask before placing their hands on him.
College was not the best experience for Spencer Reid. It had mostly stopped by the time he was a PhD student, for which he was grateful. But what college had done to him was difficult to undo – it had disillusioned him from the fantasy of finding a partner, of having an alpha to protect him, of having a reaction to alphas at all. His behaviour became so blatantly asexual he stopped being approached almost altogether. He had repressed his omega mentality and physiology to the point at which he was barely compatible with anyone. He realised that he didn’t need an alpha partner to be safe or to be happy – he could do perfectly well without.
Working with the BAU was fine for Spencer. He was well aware that both Agents Hotchner and Morgan were alphas, and was unfazed by that. Neither of them had ever acted out of accordance with FBI codes of conduct, or out of social lines for that matter, and Spencer trusted them both fully as team members. Morgan often made crude remarks and Hotchner occasionally made a joke in his own dry way, but Spencer knew they meant no harm.
As far as the team knew, Spencer was physically an omega but generally neutral when it came to any sort of sexual relationships. He’d had a few interactions – not really worth calling relationships – but most of his interests in partners stemmed from an intellectual admiration and mutual respect, never out of emotion or physical attraction. The closest thing he’d ever had was a young man from the bookshop who had asked Spencer on a date, which he had gone on. It didn’t lead anywhere, but it was an interesting experience.
The only time Reid’s gender became a problem was after he was taken hostage by Tobias Hankel. Strictly speaking, the man hadn’t sexually abused him. But the Dilaudid had an adverse affect on Reid – not only did it severely affect his cognitive abilities, but it also caused something that Spencer hadn’t experienced for a very long time. Since puberty, to be specific.
A smaller dose of Dilaudid caused Spencer to get wet. And it was not entirely unpleasant.
It was not a common reaction, but it was known to happen. There had been a few documented cases but it was quite a low chance – 0.002 of a percent. Of course, that didn’t take into account the number of the population that were omegas, so it was more like 2 percent chance. Either way, it wasn’t likely.
He didn’t tell Hotch or Gideon why he had such a dependence on the drug when they realised what was happening. They assumed it was a simple drug addiction – they didn’t know it was so emotionally and physically involved.
And the other side effect of Dilaudid was that it didn’t just cause Spencer to experience certain bodily functions – it also caused the onset of another physical experience Spencer hadn’t ever had.
He went into heat.