Work Text:
It truly wrenched at her heart like nothing else had before. Everything about it all did.
From the moment that she pulled away from kissing him. The way that he looked at her, tears spilling from his eyes, dampening his cheeks, shocked, speechless, not understanding what she had just done, yet certainly wishing it could have lasted forever. She could see how he pressed his fingers to his lips as he stiffly walked away, how he couldn't think straight for a moment. It had been fairly obvious, but it broke Christine's heart to know he'd likely, if not certainly, never been kissed before, let alone hugged. She could still feel his hands desperately clutching at her back, pressing his hand against hers on his face like he wanted her to never let go.
This man was violent, angry. He'd killed men before, he had her lover strung up by a noose and was threatening to kill him as well just moments before. He screamed and shouted and moved erratically around and was utterly terrifying, yet all Christine could truly feel the more she looked at him was pity. His life was one of sorrow and suffering. He'd never truly known a mother's love, or a friend, or anyone truly treating him like a human being. He lived in the dark, all alone, because it was the only safe space for him. Nobody could see his face in the cover of darkness.
She watched with baited breath as he stiffly grabbed a candle and lit it with another candle. He looked back at her and she could see all the emotions playing across his face as he still struggled to think, overwhelmed by her show of affection as well as the joined voices of the angry mob above hunting him down like a wild animal. He moved slowly, stiffly over to Raoul, and the two made eye contact. Two men from completely different worlds who had spent all this time fighting over Christine's love. This dark, obsessive, mysterious Phantom who had known nothing but cruelty and the charming, bright, protective Raoul who'd come from a life of wealth and joy. There were several long, agonizing moments before a shout ripped from Erik's throat and he took the candle up, snapping the rope and freeing Raoul.
The man grabbed the noose and tossed it aside, taking Raoul by the arm before he could properly get up and making far more intense eye contact than before.
"Take her. Forget me, forget all of this!" He spat out, practically as instructions or a demand than anything else, before tossing the other man down the stairs in the vague direction of Christine.
He stumbled into her arms, still struggling for breath. Christine desperately hugged him close to her while Erik threw out more desperate commands, becoming more overwhelmed by the second.
"Leave me alone! Forget all you've seen!" She could see him take off his tailcoat and toss it aside.
For a man who wanted to be known and loved so terribly, all he wanted right now was to be forgotten and left alone.
She wanted to comply. She felt awful for him. It's a thing she never thought she would, well, think, but she felt terrible for the Phantom. for Erik. She wanted to leave him, let him be alone and have whatever amount of time he had left to himself before he had to deal with the mob. It was the least she felt like she could do for him now.
Raoul had other plans. He struggled against Christine as she tried to pull him away from Erik whilst Erik continued trying to shoo them off, getting increasingly agitated.
"Go now! Don't let them find you!" He waved a hand distractedly as he stumbled between the stairs and the other two people.
"Take the boat, swear to me, never to tell…" His breaths became shakier and more rapid as he rested against a wall and covered his ears, almost certainly trying to block out the chants of the oncoming horde of people.
Christine finally managed to get Raoul to leave with her just as Erik screamed again.
"The secret you know, of this angel in hell!"
The two scrambled away, Christine's dress hindering her a little. She could hear footsteps behind her, wide and heavy strides, definitely Erik's, as he shouted more, his voice hoarse.
"Go! Go now, and leave me!"
His voice echoed throughout the room and sent shivers down Christine's spine.
Before they could properly leave, Christine paused. Raoul looked at her, drenched in sweat, his brow furrowed.
"What are we waiting for, Christine?"
"I… I have to give him his ring back." She said, her voice shaking slightly with unshed tears.
"Christine–"
"No, Raoul," She cut him off. "Please. I won't be long. I need to do this… You don't understand. He won't hurt me."
She didn't wait for a reply before she turned around and reentered the candlelit room, where she found Erik crumpled on the stairs, crying quietly to himself. She hadn't thought her heart could break any further for him. She'd seen him upset and crying before, but even that had a little bit of composure. This was like watching a little boy cry. He was completely at a loss for what to do, everything he had had just come crumbling down around him. He sniffled and whimpered as he just laid there, so worn out and tired from everything. She stayed hidden in the shadows, watching as he slowly raised his head and looked behind him to that little music box, the monkey with the cymbals that played a simple tune she now recognized as the Masquerade song.
The man weakly crawled over to the music box, singing in the smallest, most broken voice she'd ever heard. She could hardly believe he was once her Angel of Music with the booming, confident voice that seemed to fill the entire room and sweep Christine off of her feet. Everything he did now just seemed to break her heart apart further, rip it into shreds. She decided to descend the stairs as quietly as she could while she watched him weakly mimic the movement of the little monkey clapping the cymbals before reaching over with one hand and covering a half of it's face in a clear mimicry of his mask; 'hide your face so the world will never find you'…
She slowly slid the ring off of her finger, and that's when he took notice of her standing behind him. He slowly rose, and her eyes began to sting with tears again as she saw that little glimmer of hope in his eyes that she had returned. Her lips quivered as she held out the ring and he looked down at her hand, his expression of hope turning into understanding.
She finally broke when he took her hand in his and, oh so softly,
"Christine, I love you."
She couldn't stop it. Her face clenched with pain and she cried, sobs wrenching from her throat as she leaned down to give his hand a goodbye kiss. When she looked back up, she couldn't look at him long for fear she'd collapse and be unable to leave. There was an expression on his face she couldn't quite name. So in love with her still, but understanding of what she was doing, tears still very much dampening his cheeks, deformed and not deformed alike. It may have been the most… human, she'd ever seen him. Vulnerable. Her heart ached so badly for this poor man. He had hurt others, undoubtedly, but he was so tragic.
Unhappy.
And she was leaving him.
And he was letting her.
Christine turned quickly, leaving the ring in the palm of his hand as she trudged back up the stairs. She turned to look one last time, lips still quivering, more tears threatening to come out of her eyes. He tilted his head just the slightest as he managed the most minuscule smile that she could tell he was forcing. He nodded softly and very quietly said, 'go'.
Her chest hurt so much, she thought she would die. He made her hurt, but not in the way of him intentionally inflicting pain upon her- just… his mere existence made her hurt, made her weep, for what could have been for this man. Yes, violent and emotionally unregulated, but a genius. Nobody with even an ounce of knowledge could deny that. He was a songwriter, a designer, an architect. Nowhere to let his genius go except for here, and nobody to love him. And he loved Christine so much. She knew that.
She saw his love for her in almost every action he took, both violent and non-violent. He sent intimidating letters to the Opera managers to cast Christine in a better role, he taught her to sing as well as she could with patience and understanding, saw the potential in her, maimed and killed for her, which she obviously didn't very much approve of, and he trusted her; usually, someone trusting her didn't mean all too much, she was a fairly trustworthy person she liked to think, but him trusting her meant a lot because he trusted seemingly no one else.
And now here he was, letting her go. Christine realized it may as well be the greatest show of love from him to her. Letting her go with Raoul, letting her leave.
Taking her eyes away from him in a way that seemed to pain her heart further, she trudged the rest of the way up the stairs and back to Raoul. She felt Erik's presence and him watching her go the entire time. She could imagine him standing there, the illusion of both the Angel and the Phantom broken, just a man, alone again as he always was, clutching his ring in his hand as his final reminder of Christine.
As she left, she could distantly hear him call out.
"I love you!"
A few seconds of silence, then, again…
"I love you…"
God. Tears flowed freely from her eyes as Raoul helped her into the boat. Erik so desperately wanted to hear it back, to be told that somebody loved him too, to be told that Christine loved him.
And she did. Despite it all, she loved him.
He killed, he maimed, he threatened Raoul, he scared her, he caused quite a few problems including a shattered chandelier and a wound or two to the diva Carlotta's soul, but she couldn't find it in herself to hate him. He loved her honestly. He was devoted to her. He'd cry at her feet when she was frightened of him. And he had suffered so much. She could never envision spending her whole life with him, but it hurt her all the same to leave him now.
She hoped, deep down, he would find a way out of this mess and live the rest of his life peacefully. Or as peacefully as he could.
But she couldn't simply say 'I love you' back with Raoul here.
She could perhaps indirectly send the message, though.
"Say you'll share with me, one love, one lifetime…" She sang through the tears.
"Say the word and I will follow you," Raoul continued.
Christine knew Erik knew this song, too. He had sung it to her on stage before everything had become an utter disaster. It shocked her then, but looking back on it now… Oh, poor Erik…
"Share each day with me, each night, each morning…"
The sound from where Erik was wasn't as strong from where Christine and Raoul were, but she swore she could hear the echo of his response to the song, like she hoped she would.
"You alone can make my song take flight…"
Though Christine was certain her heart belonged to Raoul, she could never forget Erik, or the feeling of his lips, or his hands on her back, or of his love for her.
She could never forget the music of the night.