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The wind is cold enough to feel the chills that linger in your bones,The leaves turning orange along the edges of the trees, the air crisp and the smell of leaves as they crunch beneath Jisung's feet as he walks the path.
He feels the wind against his face and shrugs his shoulders into himself to maybe fend it off to feel just a little bit more warmth. Jisung feels the urge to cry but holds back, the lump forming in his throat tight and almost hurts as he tries to swallow when he comes to a stop in front of THE bench.
The bench he first met Minho at.
It was during the spring, the flowers starting to blossom and the air turning warmer when he ran into Minho who was out on his morning jog. It was quite the scene, Jisung rushing through because he was almost late to his job. They crashed together. Jisung's bag was dumped all over the path as they both fell back.
Jisung remembers being so embarrassed as he panicked to pick up all its contents and then when Minho began to help Jisung looked up to see the prettiest human he had ever seen and stopped picking up his things just to stare as his mouth opened in shock.
The way he flushed when Minho looked up and caught him he thought he was gonna burst into flames. He remembers how after he apologized, he ran for it with his things.
The next day he took the same path but he wasn't late this time, so he sat on this very bench he is sitting on right now. Minho scared him half to death when he sat next to him and they started chatting.
Everyday.
They talked everyday after, it became routine before he went to work and Minho finished his jogging. It continued for about a month before Minho asked Jisung out.
Obviously he said yes.
The date they went on was at this park, a picnic. It was so fun, Jisung remembers laughing and turning pink. He ended it by giving Minho a kiss on the cheek before he ran upstairs to his apartment.
They went on so many dates, so many places and things. Jisung remembers when he asked Minho if he'd be his boyfriend. He asked in his own apartment the first night he invited him over. His favorite movie Spirited Away was on and they were sitting on the couch when he couldn't stop staring at Minho.
When Minho looked over and teased him, he remembers how he laughed awkwardly before blurting out the question.
Obviously Minho said yes.
They had their first kiss that night, and many more firsts.
It was one of the best nights. Jisung remembers the lingering touch of his fingers and the kisses, the bruises on his hips, the hickeys that littered his collarbones, the sweetness of it all and the way he had never felt so seen before.
The first of many nights shared with Minho.
When Jisung introduced Minho to his friends, they had gotten along so well that when Jisung and Minho invited both their respective friends to hang out it went so swimmingly like it was meant to be.
They were 8 total.
Jisung remembers how They were teased a lot. Minho and him were the couple everyone loved yet hated. It made sense. Jisung knows his friends loved them though.
Jisung also remembers the day he thought he was gonna marry Minho.
He thought of how he found his soulmate.
The man that was his other half. that belonged to him and him to Minho.
He even had a plan going with Felix, on how he was gonna propose.
But it never happened.
Jisung never got the chance to propose.
The ring was in his underwear drawer waiting.
but now it sits in his very hands. The ones that he can't feel while he sits on his bench reminiscing the memories that had been. That will always be with Jisung.
Jisung thinks back to when Minho first got sick…
It was slow, almost like nothing. Minho had thought he had a cold and so Jisung took care of him, but when he showed no signs of getting better they went to the hospital.
He was sick, the doctors didn't understand at first. There were so many tests and Minho spent so much time at the hospital.
Jisung remembers how they fought. They fought because Minho knew he wasn't gonna get better and told Jisung to go. To leave him. and Jisung got so mad and screamed and cried and fought tooth and nail to show Minho that he wasn't going anywhere.
Jisung didn't know how to go anywhere without his other half.
His other half was suffering. Jisung suffered with him but no matter what he held Minho’s hand. He held on so tight and never let go. Jisung remembers the night Minho left him. The night he stopped hearing his voice, the laugh and the last night he ever got to hold his hand.
Minho had whispered a final “I love you Jisung, Please keep living on without me okay? I want you to still live for me.” and Jisung had cried as he squeezed his hand so hard whispering out “I love yous”.
When Minho took his last breath Jisung felt his soul shatter at losing the one thing that he had ever needed.
and that had been a few months ago.
Jisung feels the tears finally bubble over and roll down his cheeks. The wind is not being forgiven as it touches the tears and makes them feel as cold as Jisung feels inside. Jisung stares out into the distance and knows he has to say goodbye.
Goodbye to Minho. He doesn't think he will ever not love Minho. He doesn't think he can ever love another like he has loved Minho. His soul will never recover fully from the loss of his soulmate, the one man for him.
He looks down at the small velvet box in his hand, he opens it, it shows the simple design he picked out, The silver band shining in the light, The design of their initials graved into the inside of the band. The ring was simple yet elegant. Jisung thought this fit them perfectly.
He pulled it out and pinched it between his fingers as he brought it up to his face. He looked at it for a while, with only the sounds of those around him. He held out his other hand and slowly pushed the ring onto it. He looked at his hand and let out a little smile.
Minho would have loved it.
Minho can't wear it but Jisung knows he must. He must because it will always remind Jisung of what could have been. What He could have had if Minho wasn't taken from him.
This was his way of saying goodbye. He can't follow Minho yet. Minho told him not to and his friends have been watching him closely so even if he did he cant.
His Goodbye is to live on for Minho and to never let go.
He doesn't think he could even if he tried.
He stands and wipes his tears. He starts to walk away, towards the exit where he knows Chan is waiting for him. He looks back one more time at the bench.
“I will always love you Minho. I will always remember us.” He says out loud, in a whisper. He turns around and walks away.
he may not ever be okay again. But at least he's not alone.
And if all fails, he will always have his love for Minho.
because that was his soulmate.
He knows one day they will be reunited, in whatever way.
He gets into Chan's car and buckles up.
Chan says “Are you ready to go?”
“Im ready.”Jisung says
and then they pull out of the parking lot.
and Jisung doesn't look back.
but he looks at the ring on his finger and smiles.
He truly thinks he's ready now.