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In his defense, he was left unsupervised.
Well, okay, he was supervised, but it was just Canada, and America didn't listen to him anyways, so that didn't count.
England knew that, so America didn't know why he'd even asked Canada to supervise. All it had actually done was stress Canada out.
"America! How could you! What are we gonna do! Germany is gonna be so mad!"
Point in case.
"Jeez, calm down!" America chose to handle the more pressing matter of his brother first. "It's not even that bad."
"Not even that ba— America, the car is on fire!"
"Yeah," America agreed, unbothered. "Not that bad. It didn't even explode. Anyways, Germany probably has other cars."
Unhelpfully, Canada did not calm down.
"That's not the point!"
Canada continued to panic, so America tuned him out. This was Canada's problem, America thought. He was too sensitive.
Like, sure, Germany would yell, but Germany yelled at everything. Like when America put his feet on the meeting table, or tried to nap until it was his turn, or was late because he stopped at McDonald's.
"America! Are you even listening to me?"
America's attention jolted back to Canada as he remembered his brother existed.
What a stupid question. Of course he wasn't!
America didn't say that though because saying that made Canada whine.
"Okay! Stop panicking! I'll take care of it!"
Canada looked suspicious.
"How?"
America looked around.
"I'll just find a really big boulder and throw it at it. If Germany thinks it got hit by a meteor than he won't blame us."
Seriously, Canada over-reacted too much.
Next time, America wasn't going to tell Canada first. Because naturally Canada's reaction to his genius plan was more whining.
"No! We are NOT throwing any rocks! Why are you always so unreasonable?"
See? Whining. This is why America didn't listen to him. Canada continued to whine.
"I told you to put the flamethrower away! I said someone or something was gonna get hurt! If you just listened—"
America stopped listening. Canada continued whining.
America thought Canada was being ridiculous anyways. He had put the flamethrower away, just to calm Canada down. The bazooka was what caused the damage, so America didn't know why Canada was even bringing the flamethrower up.
"Why do you even have a rocket launcher? You said you wanted to stretch your legs!"
America regarded Canada pityingly. Canada was so gentle he didn't even carry self-defense weapons, which was one of the many, many, reasons America did.
America did not bother to explain this. Canada got pissy if you pointed out his lack of military and went on long boring rants about whatever. America didn't actually listen to them, but it was annoying and Canada took ages to calm down.
So America redirected.
"Okay, okay! New idea: I'll get rid of it."
Canada stopped, blinking suspiciously at America.
"Really?"
Pleased that Canada had calmed down, America nodded.
"It's just an SUV. They're not very heavy?"
Canada's face fell.
"What about the rocket launcher?"
America stared back, baffled. "What about it?"
Canada opened his mouth to say something, then apparently processed the rest of America's words.
"Take what— You can't just remove Germany's car! It's on fire!"
For once, Canada had made a good point. America considered this.
For the first time, America actually LOOKED at Germany's car.
It resembled less of a car and more of a bonfire.
Oh.
Oops.
America looked at Canada with a knitted brow.
"So what should we do?"
Canada, unhelpfully, chose this moment to shut up, looking helplessly between America and the car.
Canada joined America in considering the raging fire.
"... At least he won't be able to tell you hit it with a rocket launcher?" Canada offered weakly.
America brightened. That was a good point.
"Maybe you should just own up and apologize." Canada said finally, in a soft, worn-out voice.
America stared at him in disbelief.
"Seriously? This is not the time for jokes, Canada!"
And Canada started whining again.
"I'm not joking! Germany is gonna know it's you anyway! It's not like we can fix it!"
America scowled.
"How would he know it was me?"
Canada threw up his hands.
"It's always you!"
Not true. Last time it was England and France who accidentally knocked over a candle and set the meeting room on fire. America reminded Canada of this sulkily. Canada ignored his valid point.
"You shot his car with a bazooka!"
America knew! He was there! And anyways, they'd just established Germany wouldn't know so why was Canada wasting time with dumb arguments?
Before they could resume the argument, America heard a deep sigh behind him.
America spun on his heel and Canada paled and went stiff.
Germany stood there, briefcase in hand, looking at the bonfire in his parking spot.
Prussia whistled.
"Yikes."
America wilted, feeling somewhat defeated. If Canada hadn't spent so much time whining and distracted him, he could have dealt with it before he got caught. America tensed his shoulders and prepared for Germany to lose it.
Germany looked at Prussia.
"See? This is why I don't leave anything in my car."
Prussia nodded speculatively.
"Maybe I should take the old lemon from now on."
Both of them ignored America and Canada, who was changing from white to red rapidly like he was trying to mimic his flag.
Finally, Germany addressed America, tiredly.
"It was 45 minutes." Germany said flatly. "you were supposed to get lunch. Go on a walk. Take a nap."
America scowled. He had been going on a walk! That's why this had happened! He opened his mouth to protest but Canada pinched him and he snapped his mouth shut again, feeling betrayed. Why was Canada always getting in his way?
Germany sighed again, heavily. "This is why I asked England to supervise you."
Which, rude! America didn't need supervision! It wasn't his fault Germany had a weak car prone to catching fire! And anyways, Canada was there too! Why didn't Germany blame him?
"But, Canada—"
America turned to point this out, and found to his frustration that Canada had pulled his disappearing act again when no one was looking.
"He left me!" America was offended. "You're supposed to be supervising me!"
Germany ignored America, and opened his briefcase and flipped through papers before pulling out a thin stack.
He flipped through them for a second, nodded approvingly to himself, and then held them out to America.
"Please have this replaced by the end of the week. Here is the car information. I expect the exact same year, make and model. I've included a list of preferred dealerships. Please provide me with all legal paperwork and a receipt. It must be brand new. Also, you are responsible for arranging the removal and disposal of the car you ruined. I expect you've already called the fire department. Please ensure the fire is out before returning to the meeting. Thank you."
And before America could even process Germany's words, Germany turned and calmly continued inside, with Prussia trailing behind, snickering.
By the time America re-entered the meeting, nearly an hour later, Canada was aggressively pouting, which wasn't fair, because America was also pouting and Canada didn't even get in trouble.
He informed Canada of this as he sat down, none-too-quietly.
"I did get in trouble," Canada sulked. "Germany scolded England, then England scolded me." He sent a resentful glance England's way. "I told him you don't listen to me earlier!"
"Yeah!" America agreed, narrowing his eyes. "I said that too! Really, if you think about it, it's England's fault. Where's he get off shoving his duties off on you? If he'd been watching me then the car probably wouldn't have even caught fire! Probably."
Canada perked up a bit, gratefully.
Then America remembered something else.
"Can you believe Germany wants me to replace his car? He gave me a bunch of papers."
America slid the stack of papers from Germany (now somewhat sooty) towards Canada, and did his best version of puppy-dog eyes.
"Can you please read them for me? I tried but they're so boring. Please?"
Canada side-eyed America warily.
"Why? You don't listen anyway."
Oh no. Canada's sulking voice. America hurried to cut him off before Canada got too far into pouting.
"C'mon Bro! You know I listen to you on things like this! I can't help it if I don't listen to orders! I'm America! Independence is my thing! And being nice is yours so..."
America intensified the puppy eyes.
Canada softened.
"You can be independent and still listen to advice," He sighed, but reached for the papers anyways.
For a moment, they both sat in silence as Canada shifted through the papers.
Canada hissed when he saw the price, and flashed America a look out of the side of his eyes, but America just grinned back to show Canada he wasn't worried about affording it, and Canada reluctantly returned to the papers, occasionally making notes on his notepad.
Finally, Canada breathed out and sat back, shuffling the papers to realign them, and sliding them and his notepad towards America.
"Everything you need should be on here."
America brightened.
"Thanks! You're the best!"
He rewarded Canada with a bright American beam, and Canada sighed like he was exasperated, but his lips kept twitching up.
"Next time you're on your own." He warned.
America ignored that. He knew Canada would help him next time anyways.
Canada shifted his chair back, and stood up, leaning over to whisper to America.
"I'm running to the bathroom. Take some notes for me?"
They both knew America wouldn't. America also knew that "the bathroom" was actually a Tim Horton's drive through.
"Grab me a large coffee, two cream, four sugar."
Canada blushed, but nodded, and slipped secretly out of the meeting.
Which was unfortunate, because now America was bored with no one to entertain him. China was presenting right now and he just dragged on and on.
America fished in his pocket for something to amuse himself.
He wasn't really paying attention to what he was fidgeting with at first. He just wanted something to do with his hands.
But then he found a cord.
And America had a lighter.
And they were only little fireworks anyway.
Everyone was over-reacting, in America's opinion.
When everyone had evacuated, Germany finally stopped shouting and England had exchanged nagging for wheezing into a paper bag, just when things were about to calm down, Canada pulled up in his truck.
Canada hopped out with a Tim Horton's cup in each hand—
Looked at the Countries in the parking lot.
Looked at the smoke pouring out the building's windows.
And turned on America with a betrayed expression.
"I was gone for fifteen minutes!"
Which was unfair, because why would he just assume it was America?
America pouted and put up his hands defensively.
"In my defense, I was left unsupervised!"
And Canada started up whining all over again.
America rolled his eyes.
Really, Canada was too sensitive.