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There were some things in life that never changed and Alec was fine with most of them. His siblings would always be the most important thing in his life. He was not an outgoing person. Coffee was the only reason Alec was able to survive. Pre law simultaneously felt like a waste of time and a great learning opportunity. Living by himself was the loneliest freedom Alec had ever experienced.
However, there were other irreversible truths that Alec wished he could change. At the moment, chief among them was Jace’s stupid love for stupid motorcycle races. Curse the day his brother had learned how to ride a bike, but double-curse the day their parents decided to gift one to him, at Jace’s sixteenth birthday.
He was now eighteen and Alec still had to go and check if Jace had killed himself or not in one of those stupid races he did around town. That was the only interaction Alec and his mother still had, after he had come out to his parents and gotten himself gently kicked out of the house to ‘a studio closer to NYU college, all expenses paid’. Maryse would call, informing Alec that Jace hadn’t showed up after school or football practice, and Alec would drop whatever he was doing to find his brother around New York and drag him back home.
Which was exactly what he was doing at the moment, at almost two in the morning: freezing his butt off as he checked Jace’s preferred street race points for a blonde head with silly shaved sides.
One would think moving out and starting college would change things, but no, Alec was still expected to look after his siblings as if they were all still in high school and Alec was just a few rooms away from whenever Jace was picking a new fight.
Thank God for Isabelle and her non-violent ways to settle things. At least when his sister caused trouble, she cleaned up after herself. Alec rarely had to intervene in Isabelle’s affairs, with the noticeable exception of that time she came home drunk and he had to hide her in his room.
Alec sighed as he walked among tough-looking idiots and their honking bikes. He felt like he had accidently walked into a B-list remake of Fast and Furious and he seriously wasn’t impressed.
No signs of Jace, or his red-haired girlfriend. One would think an artist-y type like her would put an end to Jace’s life-threatening escapes. Clearly not.
“Hey, pretty boy,” a voice purred at Alec’s left side, “looking for someone?”
Alec rolled his eyes. “Fuck off,” he said shortly, turning to the guy just long enough to make sure he wasn’t interested. It wasn’t the first time some asshole tried to flirt with him and Alec had zero patience for stupid bikers that were not his stupid brother.
Even if said stupid biker was gorgeous and managed to pull off blue strikes on his spiked hair. And was he wearing sparkly black makeup on his eyes? Yes. Yes, he was. It looked surprisingly good.
“Oh, my.” The guy chuckled and tilted his head to the side, crossing his arms against his chest. He managed to wear all the required amount of leather to fit the racer stereotype but in a way that was more chic than trashy. If Isabelle was there, she’d tell Jace to take notes. “Not very friendly, are we?”
“You’ve got it,” Alec snarled. Damn it, Jace, where are you?
One of the guy’s friends told him to leave Alec alone, but apparently the guy was only style and no manners. “Darling, if you really are looking for someone, you could ask. Do it nicely and I might even help you. I know everyone around here.”
Before Alec could tell the guy to fuck off yet again, though, police sirens sounded over the loud music and all hell broke loose. Tough guys were panicking as they rode off and mean girls screamed like little girls. Alec knew enough of the drill to know he had to get out of there as soon as he could, so he ran to the nearest empty alley he could find.
It turned out to be the wrong plan, because on the other side of the block there was a cop waiting and she saw him when Alec was midway through the narrow corridor. Red and blue colored the dark night and Alec frantically tried to look back to find a way out, but all he could hear was the sound of people were being busted. There was no way out.
“Stay where you are!” The cop shouted, but truth be told, Alec was frozen in fear.
That’s it, he was going to jail.
But then the honk of a motor sounded at his right side and Alec barely had time to move out of the motorcycle’s way as it stopped in front of him, coming from a secret passway between buildings.
“Hop on!” The biker yelled through his helmet at the same time that he shoved one on Alec’s hands.
And Alec did, putting on the helmet and grabbing on his savior as the driver slammed the pedal and drove away.
Although drive wasn’t exactly how Alec would describe it. The guy was flying, speeding through alleys and streets, barely avoiding fatal crashes. But he did escape the police line before the cops could close in, so there was that.
“Ha!” The biker said when they finally stopped, miles away from the sirens. “That was a close call, wasn’t it, pretty boy?”
Alec ignored the realization that was the same guy that had been bothering him earlier. “I have to go back,” he said seriously and hopped off the bike.
“Go back?” The biker frowned, but then he nodded as if he understood. “You’re dizzy from the ride, of course. Too much speed.”
“No,” Alec lied, because yes, the world was spinning around him a bit, but still, he had to focus on what mattered. “I need to know if they got my brother.”
To the guy’s credit, he didn’t protest like Alec expected he would. Instead, he nodded. “Okay, but who is your brother?”
“Jace.” Alec pushed his lips together, trying to remember more that could help the guy know who Jace was. “He has this... Gang. Shadowhunters, I think it’s called. Blonde guy, one eye blue, one brown.”
“Oh,” the guy said quietly. Not an unexpected reaction, since everyone in that little down world seemed to know who Jace was. “No, he wasn’t there. I mean, for the psychedelic light party. He was earlier, but he left with his girlfriend after he lost a race.”
Relief washed over Alec’s whole body and he sighed. “Good.”
There was a fond smile on the biker’s face when tapped on the rest of the seat. “Come on, Jace’s pretty brother. I’ll give you a ride home. Pinky promise not to go over the speed limit too much.”
Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m fine with speed. And I don’t need your help to get home.”
“Really? Do you have any idea where you are right now?”
Looking around, Alec realized he didn’t. “... Queens?”
The guy just laughed. “Almost. Come on, sweet-cheeks. I want to feel your arms around me, holding tight, one more time before I go to bed.”
Alec was about to send the guy to hell, but it wasn’t exactly the smartest thing to do to the one person who actually had an idea of how to get to Manhattan. Alec may not have paid attention to where they were going, but he was positive they had crossed a bridge. Swallowing down his pride, Alec begrudgingly hopped on the bike again.
“Good boy,” the guy said with just a bit of mischief and a sly grin on his face. “Now, get those masculine hands around my waist, hot stuff.”
“Oh, just fucking drive.”
---
For someone who was in love with speed, Magnus arrived late to too many things and classes were no exception.
That is, if he bothered to show up at all. When you’re racing until the first lights of the day, morning classes became somewhat optional. Since Magnus could afford flanking another class or two, there was no reason to worry. It’s not like he was in a hurry to graduate anyway.
As long as Magnus was still working towards a degree, his garbage father was legally obligated to keep paying pension to Magnus’ mother after the deal they settled in court years ago. Fuck you, dad. Magnus was planning on being a student forever.
Talking about students, Magnus sighed as he watched the masses of bodies walking around campus. University life was boring him again and it seemed like every day more and more dull people got accepted in NYU.
Soon enough, that dreadful Jace Lightwood would show up with his arrogant smile and lack of manners. Magnus still couldn’t believe his greatest rival at street racing was a high-school student, and one that insisted in having a lame gang called Shadowhunters of all things, but that is life for you. Magnus was fated to deal with the brat winning some of the prizes that were rightfully his between SATs study meetings.
Because you see, Magnus not only was an adult, he didn’t have a stupid gang. If people called referred to his friends and him as the Pandemonium, that was just because it was the name of the bar they used to hang out at years ago. They were not something as outdated as a street gang. Please, show some respect.
Still, that annoying kid kept showing up and winning. Jace was good, very good. Excellent, even. But he had no manners nor respect for anything, so Magnus was determined to put the boy in his place.
“You have a maniacal grin on your face,” Raphael informed, although he wasn’t looking at Magnus.
“I do not.” Magnus rolled his eyes. Just like him, Raphael was taking a long time to graduate. Only, he was doing so because his family didn’t have the money to pay for his education and Raphael would have to take on multiple jobs in order to pay tuition. The lack of time to study often resulted in him flanking classes and so he stayed behind.
It didn’t seem to bother him, though. If anything, Raphael always seemed more at ease in NYU than he did in the streets with Magnus and the rest of their friends. It was his safe-haven, Magnus suspected. “Yes, you do. It’s the grin you have when you’re about to do something stupid.”
“Oh, come on,” Magnus smiled innocently at him. “Have some faith in me.”
“I will not.”
“He’s right, you know,” Catarina interfered diplomatically. It wasn’t always that she found time from her busy life as a med student to visit them for lunch and Magnus always appreciated it when she did. Today, though, not so much. “You look like you just got laid. Or found a new makeup brand.”
Magnus sighed. “Well, none of those things happened. But I am, indeed, happy. Funny you should mention me getting laid, my dear Cat.” He waited a second, just to let the drama build on his upcoming announcement. “Because I found the perfect way to show that brat he’s not in kindergarten anymore.”
Raphael and Catarina exchanged looks and they seemed confused. Well, Catarina did, because Raphael’s face was stuck at boredom forever. “What are you even talking about?” He asked anyway.
“Urg,” Magnus groaned. “Ragnor would know. Jace Lightwood? That punk that keeps challenging me on every important race? I know how I’m going to put him on his place.”
Catarina sighed and munched on a carrot. “I’m almost too afraid to ask.”
“Please do.”
Another exchange of glances, but then Catarina obliged. “Ok, I’ll bite. How?”
“I’m gonna sleep with his older brother,” Magnus announced proudly.
He did not obtain the desired reaction, as Raphael just stared blankly at him and Catarina… Catarina looked furious. “Excuse me? What?”
Magnus inhaled quickly. “I’m… Gonna... Sleep with Jace’s older brother?”
“Why?”
“Because…” Magnus swallowed hard. The plan was perfect in his head, but now that he was speaking it aloud and under Catarina’s scrutinizing gaze, he wasn’t as sure. “Because then, Jace will understand… He’s playing in the big lead? So he will… Back off. Plus, his brother is hot.”
Catarina shook her head sharply, sticking the fork in her hand on the food with way too much strength for Magnus’ taste. “Magnus, this Jace guy is a kid, a high school kid. You have beef with a high school boy. And now you want to involve someone else - someone who has nothing to do with this, I might add - and have sex with them just to get to said high school kid. This is frankly the most ridiculous idea you’ve ever had.” Before Magnus could open his mouth, Catarina rolled her eyes. “Our trip to Peru aside. You can’t possibly be this petty.”
“He can,” Raphael said matter-of-factly. “How do you even know he has a brother?”
Magnus shrugged. “Remember last week, the cop bust? The guy I was talking to? He’s the hot older brother.”
It took Raphael a second, but then he did something Magnus would never had expected from him. He burst out laughing.
“Dios mio,” Raphael said after almost thirty seconds laughing and freaking out his friends. “Let him try, Cat. There is no chance in hell that guy accepts to fuck him. Bane saved him from the cops and gave him a ride home, and the guy only said thanks and slammed the door on his face. You’ve lost your window of opportunity right there.”
Magnus, being a level headed person, took the insult with grace and dignity. “Fuck you, Santiago.”
Raphael shrugged. “Under the current circumstances, I have a better chance at that than you do, and I don’t even care for sex.”
“And that is where you’re wrong, for I have a plan.” Magnus fished a piece of paper from the inner pocket of his jacket and unfolded it, showing its content to his friends. “I’ve enrolled to have Alec Lightwood - I think that’s short for Alexander - as my private tutor. Starting next week, he’ll be teaching me all about our legal system, because I am so lost in Business Law class. I’ve already made the deposit for the entire semester.”
Catarina frowned. “That is your second best discipline.”
Magnus nodded, smiling to himself. “Of course it is. I needed something I’m already good at, so I won’t have to actually pay attention. I’ll be too busy seducing Alexander. Also, when we finally sleep together - this won’t be a casual fuck, I mean, have you seen the guy? I intend to take my sweet time with him - I can just stop showing up and there won’t be any real loss there.”
“Aside from the crisis it will set inside the Lightwood family, that is.” Raphael blinked and the bastard seemed to be having the time of his life. He was almost smiling. “There is no way this will work, but try. Por favor, try.”
“No, don’t.” Catarina shook her head, which she had been doing metaphorically until then. “This a recipe for disaster. You’re going to fall for this boy and by the time you realize it, it will be too late to come clean. No, don’t deny it, it is so you to fall for him.” She sighed. “And even if, by a miracle, you don’t, there’s a chance he will and then you’ll be breaking his heart. That’s cruel. You’re not cruel, Magnus.”
Chiming his shoulders, Magnus considered what Cat was saying. Not the ‘you’ll fall in love’ bullshit, the ‘you’ll break his heart’ part. The goal was hurting Jace, not his pretty brother. “If I notice Alexander is falling for me, and let’s face it, there’s a huge chance he will, I’ll back off immediately, okay? I promise you I won’t break his heart. Besides, he’s probably just as insufferable as his brother, so let’s not pity him just yet.”
Although Catarina didn’t seem convinced, but she didn’t offer any further protest, so Magnus took it as victory.
It didn’t last long, because Raphael snorted. “Don’t worry, Cat. It’s not like Bane is getting anywhere near the guy’s pants. In three weeks he’ll have loose interest after one too many epic fails.”
“I still don’t like this,” Catarina said quietly.
“It’s going to work,” Magnus reassured her and got his phone out of his pocket, searching for the last text exchange he had with his future tutor. Alec had sent him a place and hour for their first class, so that was settled. Magnus smiled, proud of his ingenuity. “This is so going to work.”
---
Alec could barely believe his luck. He had the idea to tutor for some extra cash less than a week ago and someone had already contacted him. Although Alec had been pretty sure it was a prank at first - who in the world is called Magnus Bane, for fuck’s sake - the guy had paid in advance for enough classes to cover the whole semester.
If that was a joke, Alec was fine playing along.
They had scheduled their first tutoring session at NYU’s Bobst Library and Alec had arrived a little earlier to get his things ready. He had two great books on legal systems and his notes from when he had taken the class. Alec had also starting reading about Business Law, since his new student was a business major. He was ready to do this.
Searching in his bag, Alec also found his camera. It was an old model, one that had seen its fair share of rainy and sunny days, but Alec loved it. It was easy to hide behind its lens, watching the world from the narrow visor. Alec had taken a few pictures of the park in front of the library building before coming in, so he could go through the photographs while he waited.
He didn’t get to see them all, though, since just a few minutes later someone stopped at Alec’s table. “Alexander…?”
Alec looked up, shoving the camera in his bag. “You can call me Alec- Oh.” He blinked.
Because in front of him was the biker from the cop bust Alec was almost arrested in. Apparently, the dark look and stubble were a thing he did during the day too. “Oh indeed,” Magnus Bane smiled and sat on the empty chair. “That’s a coincidence. Or fate.”
“Is it?” Alec arched an eyebrow, not buying the surprised expression for a second.
Magnus smiled in amusement. “I hope so. Two encounters by chance in two weeks? It’s like my luck is finally turning.” He winked at Alec. “Do you want to get luckier? I’m counting this as our second date, so there’s no questioning our virtues.”
Alec rolled his eyes. “If you really want to have classes, then stop with… That. Otherwise, I’ll transfer the money back and we’re done.”
“Harsh.” Magnus touched his own chest. “You’re breaking my heart, Alexander. I guess I’m just nervous.” He looked around, almost like he couldn’t face Alec as he spoke. “I’m not very good in asking for help, but I… I really need to pass this class.”
Now that was something to what Alec could relate. He wasn’t good in asking for help either and it always made him uncomfortable when he had to. “Okay. Maybe we can start from the basics? Feel free to interrupt me. Like I said, I’m not a law student yet so I’m not sure if this is what you’re looking for.”
Magnus smirked. “Darling, with those lips of yours, I’m pretty sure you’re everything I’ve been looking for.”
Alec just stared at Magnus, annoyed. There was no reasoning with the guy, but if Alec wanted the money, he would have to put up with Magnus’ flirting. Anything that didn’t come from his parents felt like a victory in itself and Alec desperately wanted to have his own source of income.
“So, legal systems,” Alec said and effectively wiped off the smile from Magnus’ face. Good.
Forty minutes later, Alec realized that their little arrangement might just work. Despite never fully stopping, Magnus kept his comments to a minimum. One of them was even funny, although Alec didn’t laugh at it; he couldn’t encourage Magnus or there would be no coming back from that.
But at least Magnus paid attention. When he wasn’t teasing Alec, he actually made a few good remarks and seemed to be following Alec’s explanations well. He took some notes and copied parts of Alec’s notebook too.
All in all, their first session went well. This was going to work.
“You’re a good teacher,” Magnus said when Alec was shoving his things back into his bag.
“Thank you.” Alec fidgeted with the zipper. “I used to teach my siblings when we got back from school. When we were kids, that is.”
Magnus smiled fondly and that was the first time Alec had seen that smile on him. Magnus Bane had a few different smiles to himself and most of them were frankly enticing, but that smile was just beautiful. Alec preferred that one, if he was asked to choose.
“Talking about siblings,” Magnus said and that kind smile was gone. “Did you find Jason?”
Alec nodded. “Jace, but yes, I did. He had turned his phone off because he was racing, but by the time I got home, he had answered my texts.”
“That’s good.” Magnus laid his chin on his hand. “Do you always babysit him?”
“Hm,” Alec pondered on how the best answer that. Although he didn’t approve of Jace racing, Alec knew he couldn’t jeopardize his brother’s reputation. Magnus clearly was a regular, though he had explained he just knew Jace from sight. “Sometimes I get worried, so I go and check on him.”
That was not a lie.
Magnus smirked, because it wasn’t the complete truth either. “That is adorable, you being so supportive of him even though you clearly don’t like motorcycles at all.”
Alec frowned. “Who said I don’t like them?”
“Darling, if you had held me tighter that night, we’d merge into one. Not complaining, though, I’d love to have a little of you in me.” Magnus winked at him. “Plus, with those outfits of yours, there’s no way you’re into racing. There’s a reason it’s called a life style.”
“That’s just rude. I stand by my clothes.” Alec rolled his eyes and threw his bag over his shoulder.
Magnus chuckled. “I like a man with convictions. Do you have somewhere to be? I was wondering if you don’t want to grab a cup of coffee with me. No more legal talk. In fact, we could use our tongues for something else entirely.”
And they were back to Magnus being ridiculous. Alec figured the couple of minutes they were able to have a real conversation were a fluke. “I do have somewhere to be, actually. And I’ve told you to cut it off.”
“Class is over, so I’m allowed, Prof.” Magnus shrugged off the rejection carelessly. “Too bad. I promise to be a good boy next week.”
Alec arched an eyebrow. “Next week?”
“But of course. Same place, same time?” Magnus smiled at him. “I believe I have you booked for the entire semester.”
“Yeah,” Alec said quietly. “I guess you do. I’ll bring more stuff about business law next week. Those articles you’ve mentioned, I’ll read them too. If you have a paper to write on them, we could discuss it.”
For the quickest of seconds, Magnus frowned and he looked perplexed. It was too fast and Alec wasn’t even sure if he saw it right, but soon the confident smile was back in all its glory. “It’s a date, then.”
Alec nodded and stood up, grabbing the strap of his bag. “See you in a week, then.”
“Bye, Alexander.” Magnus didn’t seem to be in a rush to move.
“Just Alec is fine.”
Magnus smiled lazily. “I’ve made my choice. Take it or leave, pretty boy.”
Alec just rolled his eyes and left.
---
Their sessions kept happening. Every Wednesday, at 3pm, Magnus would show up and find Alec already sitting in the same spot at the library, fidgeting on his old camera. Every time, Alec would unceremoniously shove the camera in his backpack and put on his serious face, ready to start the class.
It took Magnus a couple of weeks to realize that last part, though. To be fair, he had been focusing on seducing Alec and failing miserably at every attempt, so Magnus cut himself some slack. His usually great flirting techniques all seemed to be lost on Alec.
One had to admire Alec’s stubbornness in keeping their class innuendo-free, though. Even if he didn’t recognize half of the flirting Magnus was torpedoing his way, what he got, Alec summarily ignored.
Magnus had almost given up on his little plan. Sure, business law had never been this easy, but upping his grades was not worth all the trouble he was going through, nor the amount of laughs his friends were having on his expanse. He’d have better chances flirting with a rock than with Alec.
But then, during their fourth study session, Magnus noticed something very interesting. He had arrived a little earlier than usual and decided to grab a book to read when he realized Alec wasn’t in the building yet.
When Magnus was walking to their table, though, he saw Alec sit there and start preparing. He took his books out his bag as well as his Ipad, where Magnus was sure he had a version of the newest article Magnus hadn’t read - it was ridiculous the amount of effort Alec put into their sessions -, and then sit down. Surely enough, Alec searched for his camera last and busied himself in examining his latest pics.
By then, it was a familiar scene, but this time Magnus spotted something different. Alec wasn’t exactly smiling, but there was something soft about his expression that made him look younger than he was.
No, not younger. Alec acted older than his true age, all serious and proper. When he looked at his camera, though, he looked like a twenty one year old. Young and hopeful. His beautiful hazel eyes had a sparkle to them, something Magnus had only seen in him in the rare occasion Alec talked about his siblings.
It made him look gorgeous.
Magnus smiled a little and left the book behind, approaching the table carefully. He got near enough to have a glimpse of the picture Alec was looking at before his tutor acknowledged his presence. As expected, Alec’s first instinct was to hide his camera, but Magnus casually leaned on the table, putting himself between Alec and his backpack.
“Good afternoon, Alexander.” Magnus smiled sweetly. “Did you miss me?”
Alec arched an eyebrow at him, all innocence gone. It was like Magnus could see the defense walls building up right in front his eyes. “You’ve made sure I didn’t. Stop texting me at 4am.”
“Stop answering me at 4am and I will.” Magnus indicated the camera with a movement of his chin. “Can I see the photos?”
He might as well had asked to Alec to strip and spread his legs open, judging by the scandalized look on the other’s face. “N-no,” Alec finally managed to say, after gaping at Magnus for almost a minute in offense.
“Oh, come on. I’m sure they are beautiful. It’s not like you can do anything wrong anyway.” Magnus sat down in his usual chair, but he made sure not to break eye contact the entire time.
Yes, it was still a game, but that didn’t mean Magnus wasn’t truly interested in getting to know more about Alec’s hobbies. Especially since Alec had unconsciously held the camera next to his chest, protecting it from Magnus.
“It’s just… J-just some pictures of trees.” Alec pushed his lips together, fingers running across the camera’s edges nervously.
Magnus smiled. “I love trees.”
The entire thinking process was clear on Alec’s face as he decided how to proceed. Magnus waited silently, not shifting one muscle. Four weeks was enough to know Alec would do whatever he thought was best, always, so there was no influencing him if he had come to a conclusion. It was hit or miss with him.
Fortunately, Alec relented in the end. He handed Magnus the camera, ever so temptingly, and watched carefully as Magnus went through the photos.
As somewhat a fashion icon and an artist on the wheels, Magnus had always prided himself on having an eye for aesthetics. It seemed like he wasn’t the only one. Alec’s photos were hauntingly beautiful, if not all the way melancholic. Most of them were sightings, be it nature or city, but even the ones with people in it rarely focused on their faces. Magnus couldn’t pinpoint what it was about them, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the pictures.
There was a definitive style and Magnus realized he had been looking at the photos for minutes now, but only because of Alec’s anxious tapping his foot.
“Alexander -” Magnus began, looking up, but was rudely interrupted when Alec snatched the camera out of his hands.
“It’s just photos. I don’t… I-I think we should start the... The tutoring session.” Alec’s voice had gone two tones higher and he was rushing through his things as he looked for something else to talk about.
Magnus frowned. “Okay, but… They are very pretty. You have talent.”
“Thank you,” Alec said, almost too politely. It didn’t sound like the blunt, straight-forward guy Magnus had been getting to know in the last month.
There was something there. Something that shook Alec to his core, that made him afraid. Magnus wanted to know more, his plan be damned. Something was not right and he was going to find out what. But how?
And then it clicked. In their very first session, Alec had only bought Magnus’ interest in having classes when Magnus faked being scared of asking for help. Alec believed things he could see, things that made sense to him. The key to Alec was getting his trust.
But trust worked both ways and in order to gain Alec’s, Magnus would have to be able to trust him.
Looking at Alec’s face now, Magnus could see the difference. The wall was there again, that emotionless, almost soldier-like expression Alec carried as a shield. The twenty one year old boy was gone, lost somewhere behind empty hazel eyes.
That was the person Magnus was willing to trust. If he could get to that person, then it would be worth the shot.
“The first time I rode a bike, I was fourteen,” Magnus said, looking at his hands. For some reason, it was always easy to talk to Alec and this time was no exception. “My father had had one too many beers and he… He was a violent man. Mom used to take me for a walk around the neighborhood when that happened, because by then I was big enough to try to fight back. But anyway, mom was friends with the mechanic and he had some sweet rides there. He used to let me pretend to ride them, but that day he actually let me do it for real.”
Alec hummed quietly. “That’s very irresponsible.”
Magnus chuckled and nodded. “It was. But I swear, having that kind of powered roaring beneath me, taking me wherever I wanted to go. I barely went over thirty miles per hour, but feeling the wind kissing my face… The control over something so powerful and so dangerous. I felt powerful too, invencible even. I felt free.”
It was a comfortable silence that followed the story and Magnus smiled fondly, remembering how mad his mother had been when he got back. After that, though, there was no stopping Magnus and he’d go back for more every week. He had saved all his money and finally, when he was nineteen, he was able to afford his first motorcycle.
“Why did you tell me that?” Alec asked suddenly, though not unkindly. He seemed genuinely curious.
There he was, the boy, not the soldier. Looking at Magnus through those smart, innocent eyes.
“I just,” Magnus trailed off, but then he shook his head and smiled a little, “I just thought you should know we find meaning in the most unexpected places and that’s okay. Nothing to be ashamed of.”
Alec narrowed his eyes at him, his whole face growing sharper. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
But Magnus just looked at the camera in his hands. “You will.” He smiled and sat back in his seat. “How about we start the class, Prof? I have a race to get ready for, so unfortunately, I feel our time together today will be cut shorter than I’d like. Unless you’d want to come and cheer for me? Give me a little good luck kiss before it starts?”
The glare Magnus received in response was worth a thousand words. All of them were ‘no’.
The little moment they shared seemed to have bring out a softer side to Alec, nonetheless. Magnus was sure that until that point Alec had never snorted at his innuendos, but it happened at least twice as they talked about the article Magnus pretended to have read.
Good thing Alec was working hard to get into law school and so, he’d devour anything that resembled legal topics. Magnus only had to encourage him and Alec would do all the talking. It worked perfectly.
Magnus insisted a little more for Alec to come and watch him race, but that was just part of the act, of course. Jace would be there and Magnus had been lucky enough that Alec hadn’t make a connection between them yet.
Lucky and frankly insulted. Magnus would complain about that Lightwood brat to his friends for hours and Jace didn’t even had the decency to return the courtesy with his brother. Alec was genuinely oblivious of anything that had to do with his brother’s racing, there was no other explanation. He was too intelligent not to figure out who Magnus was otherwise.
“What’s wrong with you?” Raphael asked when they arrived at the place where the race would start. Catarina and Ragnor were already there, but that was no surprise. Raphael and Magnus always took more time to get ready; having great hair meant a little extra time in front of the mirror.
“Nothing,” Magnus said and added a smirk. “I’m looking fine as hell.”
Raphael rolled his eyes, but contrary to when Alec did it, Raphael’s impatience wasn’t cute. “You look distracted. Is it about the nerd you’ve been trying to bone?”
“Alexander is no nerd. And I’m not distracted, I’m concentrating.” Magnus shrugged. “There’s a difference.”
“Just give up already, or fuck him.” Raphael gestured for Ragnor and Catarina to join them when they spotted each other. “Either way, it’s been a month. That’s too long.”
Before Magnus could point out that a month wasn’t really a long time, Ragnor chimed in. “He’s right. This entire idea is bollocks and you should just stop it while neither of you got hurt.”
“I still don’t see how I could possibly get hurt in this scenario.” Magnus crossed his arms against his chest, staring at them incredulously. These people claimed to be his friends! “I get to spend an hour every week with a handsome man, talking about something I’m already good at. Worst case scenario, I ace my final test. Best case scenario, I ace him.”
Ragnor didn’t look impressed. “Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t give a shit about the boy.”
Magnus huffed, impatient. Every single time that topic came up, Ragnor made him say how little he cared about Alec. It was getting tiresome. “I don’t have to, because I’m an adult and despite your dreams, you’re not my father. Besides, we all already know that.”
“Do we?” Catarina arched an eyebrow. “You blew me off last week because your study session wasn’t done. And I needed help shopping. For shoes.”
“Ragnor helped you,” Magnus waved the comment away with a flourish. “I couldn’t care less about Alexander, nor about his sweet smile. Happy now?”
Raphael shook his head. “Prove it.” He pointed at somewhere behind Magnus with his chin. “There’s the boy’s brother. Go pick a fight with him and tell him you’ve slept with Alec. I doesn’t have to be true to cause the effect you want. Put an end to this madness.”
Magnus turned on his heels and sure enough, there was Jace. As always, he was surrounded by his fans smiling his cocky smile. The mere image of him made Magnus furious. That insolent, disrespectful brat.
“Consider it done,” Magnus said and marched up to the kindergarden. The redhead girl saw him first. She was a tiny thing, but fierce nonetheless. Magnus quite liked her. “Looking good tonight, Biscuit.”
“Thank you,” she said carefully, waiting for the blow, though both Magnus and her knew it wouldn’t be directed at her.
Everyone knew Magnus didn’t care if kids wanted to play tough and stay awake until the wee hours of the morning. His only problem was with kids trying to overstep him.
Talking about overstepping, Jace smirked. “Ready to lose?”
“Cute,” Magnus conceded. He knew for a fact his friends were watching, so he just tilted his head to the side. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, Jack? Pretty sure we can get a school bus to get you home.”
Jace kept smiling, all arrogance and attitude. It was hard to believe that was the same Jace Alec had talked about with so much love. “Keep talking. All the worse for you when you watch me beat you.”
That was it, the moment Magnus needed. All he had to do was saying something as tasteless as not to worry, your sweet brother won’t mind being my consolation prize, he’s quite good at it, I might add. A few words, a wink and it was done.
Magnus smiled. “Your poor thing. So young, so delusional. The important thing is keep dreaming, though.” He threw a glance at the other boy, who flinched under Magnus’ gaze. “Bye, Sherman.”
Once Magnus was back with his friends, trying his best not to grit his teeth too hard, Raphael arched an eyebrow at him. ”So?”
“I’m going to make that brat eat dirt,” Magnus declared and grabbed his blue, purple and pink helmet. “And I’m going to make him like it.”
---
Sometimes, Alec wished he was a little more open to making friends. Not that he could complain when he had his siblings: both Izzy and Jace were the reason Alec even knew what happiness was and, although Max was still too young, just thinking of him brought a smile to Alec’s lips.
Besides them, he had his best friend Lydia, who Alec trusted blindly. He had ever since they met in high school.
However, Lydia had been a fluke. Mostly, Alec relied on his siblings making friends and then those friends becoming used to his presence enough to start talking to him too. That was what happened with both Clary and Simon, at least.
At the moment, though, Alec really wanted to be able to make some new friends. People that he actually liked. Preferably, people who talked less.
“I mean, that’s just my opinion,” Simon kept going, as if Alec had been paying attention to anything he was saying for the last ten minutes. “Of course, opinions differ and that is the beauty about democracy, isn’t it?”
Clary smiled fondly, scrunching her nose. “Absolutely. I for one prefer my coffee black and with lots of sugar.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Simon nodded eagerly. “The important thing is to respect people’s opinions, despite they being so horribly wrong. Right, Alec? Alec..?”
“He’s spacing out,” Clary said gently, taking a sip of her coffee.
“No, I’m ignoring Simon.” Alec grabbed the boy’s laptop and turned it to himself. “Is this thing done yet or what?”
Simon gasped loudly. “You can’t rush art, Alec.”
“It’s not art. Just my photos.”
Clary took a peek on the laptop’s screen from where she sat. “They certainly are art, though. I should know, since my mother is a painter. Those are amazing, Alec. Are you sure you don’t want to expose a few at the gallery?”
Alec nodded sharply. “Very sure. I just need them compressed.”
“Explain again why do you need to reduce space.” Simon pulled his computer back, tapping it protectively. “And why didn’t you go to Izzy with this. She knows how to compress pics.”
“I don’t want her to copy them and post on some stupid blog in my name again.” Alec rolled his eyes. “And I’ve told you three times already. I need some memory left for the articles and books for the tutoring sessions I’m giving.”
Clary leaned her chin on her hands. “How are those going? Do you have a lot of students?”
“Just a few, most of them are in pre-law, like me.” Alec smiled a little. “But the first one to reach me is a business graduate.”
“Really?” Simon fixed his glasses on his nose. “Why would they need help with legal systems?”
Alec shrugged. “He was having problems keeping up with the legal terms in business law. But he’s smart, very smart. He knows a lot about other stuff too, so sometimes it’s hard to keep him in topic. But it’s been three months since we started having classes and I think he’s good to go, but he insists in seeing me every week.”
Clary and Simon did the one thing Alec hated the most, they exchanged sly looks and giggled between them.
“Stop that,” he hissed, but that only amounted in more giggling.
“So, this super smart guy just happens to keep wanting to see you? Every week?” Clary said after she had stopped acting like a twelve year old. “Is he handsome? He has to be, or you wouldn’t put up with it.”
Alec glared at her. “Am I going to discuss boys with the both of you?”
Simon batted his eyelashes at him. “There’s a first time to everything. A year ago and you’d rather slit your throat before hanging out with the both of us. I know, because you’ve told me so. More than once.”
“And I meant it.” Alec grabbed his flashdrive and his cup of coffee, standing up. “Thanks,” he added before walking out of the cafe they were meeting in, though not fast enough to not hear Simon saying “Yup, he definitely has a crush.”
Alec groaned and reached for the earplugs in his pockets. He wasn’t going to let Simon of all people get to him, despite him being right or not. That Alec was starting to have a small, unoffensive crush on Magnus was his problem and his problem alone.
It wasn’t like Alec intended to do something about it. Despite Magnus’ ridiculous innuendos and over-the-top flirting, Alec knew he didn’t mean it. Whenever Magnus actually meant what he said, he didn’t cover it with sly smirks or wiggles of his eyebrows; there was no spectacle, no flare.
Just like the time Alec could see how Magnus was tired, after one of his races. No matter how many times Magnus insisted in continuing the study session, he couldn’t concentrate. He could barely keep his eyes open. So Alec called a day off and dragged Magnus to eat something. He knew by then that a sleepy Magnus was a hungry Magnus, and that kebab they had was a testimony of that.
There were no indecent proposals as they ate, just some small talk until Magnus finally sighed and confessed that he had gone to dinner with his father the night previously. To cool off, Magnus had drove the entire night and the better portion of the morning too. Alec had nodded and asked if Magnus had stopped to watch the sunrise on the East river.
That clearly hadn’t been what Magnus was expecting to hear, because he just chuckled and whispered “Alexander” in an incredulous voice, not even answering the question.
“What?” Alec had asked, annoyed. “I think it’s pretty.”
Magnus smiled and nodded. “But only half as pretty as your heart, darling.”
After that, it wasn’t rare for they to take their classes out of the library. Magnus prefered to be outdoors and Alec agreed. It was harder to concentrate on the topics Alec had picked for the day, but Magnus didn’t seem to mind too much as he made Alec snort and laugh with his impossible stories.
Alec guessed that falling for Magnus wasn’t unexpected. Besides the fact that Magnus was as gorgeous as they got, with his bronze shining skin and gentle expressive eyes, he was impossibly smart and twice as witty. Alec had quickly became fascinated by how Magnus saw the world, not as hostile place ready to sink him down, but as an ocean of possibilities to be taken. It was just a matter of time before he was fascinated with Magnus himself.
“Shit,” Alec cursed under his breath. The library was closed and the sky was turning darker by the second. There was no way Magnus and him could study at the park they usually went to and the last time they tried a cafe, they were kicked out for making too much noise.
“That’s unfortunate,” Magnus sighed behind Alec and smirked when he turned to see him. “Unless you don’t mind to get wet with me, darling.”
Rolling his eyes, Alec trashed his coffee. “Come on, my flat is three blocks away.” He raised a hand to stop Magnus from talking as he opened his mouth. “No, we’re not having sex.”
Magnus closed his mouth and pouted. “You’re no fun.”
“Just come.” Alec narrowed his eyes at Magnus’ small giggle. “Oh, grow up.”
“We’re cranky today,” Magnus observed as he followed Alec through the streets. “Did something happen, my dear?”
Alec shook his head. “My friends were being annoying, making stupid questions.”
Magnus smiled a little and let Alec busy himself with opening the doors. “Which friends? I just need names and I’ll get rid of them for you.”
“Very gallant, but I don’t need you to take care of a couple of high school nerds.” Alec dropped his bag on the couch and took off his jacket. “Especially Simon and Clary. Do you want anything to drink?”
For just a second, Magnus frowned, but he was back to smiling soon after that. “Tea would be great, but I’ll settle for water if you don’t have any.”
Alec frowned, pushing his lips together. “I should have some. Izzy likes tea.” He moved to the kitchen and began to look in the cabinets over the sink. It was a good thing the apartment was so small, barely more than Alec’s bedroom, a bathroom, the kitchen and living room. Small, but functioning.
“Alexander, darling,” Magnus said after Alec had found some tea and was boiling up the water, “what are those?”
Oh, right. A small apartment meant things were easier to find. Especially a wall full of photographs. “Just…” Alec picked up the two cups and brought them to the couch and the foot table he used for making his meals. “Just pictures of my family.”
Magnus nodded and kept looking, hands laced at his back. “Your sister and brothers?” He pointed at a picture of Izzy, Jace and Max with his chin. Alec nodded, so Magnus continued, a hand gracefully hovering over the pictures. “And this pretty blonde? Lydia? Thought so. That’s a handsome guy... The high school friend, Raj?” Magnus smiled as he got each of the pictures right. “Those should be Clary and Simon. Are they doing cosplay?” He turned on his heels, eye shining in mischief. “Were you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Alec rolled his eyes and took his camera off. “They wanted to have a photoshoot, because apparently they nailed the costumes or whatever.”
Arching his eyebrows, Magnus examined the picture again. “Who are they supposed to be? Buffy, the vampire slayer and her vampire boyfriend?”
“No, it’s from a show called Shadowhunters.” Alec adjusted the light and put the camera up, snapping a picture of Magnus. He only realized something was up because Magnus stared at him like Alec had grown an extra head. “What?”
“You took a picture of me,” Magnus said, dumbstruck.
Alec frowned. “Y-yes? I… I can delete it. Sorry, I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking, I just- I just...”
Magnus shook his head and sat besides him. “No, no, darling! It’s just that you haven’t before. I’ve seen many of your pictures, but I had never seen you taken one. And you did. You took a picture of me.”
“Hm, it’s for the wall.” Alec fidgeted with the camera. “I guess I wanted to have you there too.”
Nodding quietly, Magnus leaned against the couch and turned his attention back to the photos. “I love your scenery pictures, I really do, but those? I can see love in those. I can see how much you care. Only…” Magnus frowned. “You said they are pictures of your family, but I don’t see your parents.”
Alec inhaled sharply and busied himself with the cup of tea. “I wasn’t clear, then. It’s a wall of my real family. Not only my blood relatives. My parents… They used to be on the wall in my room at their house. Now they are there.” He laid a foot on the table, right over a drawer. “Where I can’t see them.”
“Oh, my darling.” There was disappointment on Magnus’ face, not at Alec though, but there was also concern. “I understand this is your way of coping, but you can’t just put your parents away.”
“Why? Alec snapped. “They did that to me. The only time my mother talks to me is to have me chasing for Jace. She doesn’t even asks how I’m doing. But I guess she can tell by my voice… My father doesn’t do even that. So yes, I can put them away.” He leaned forward and opened the drawer, revealing pieces of a photograph. “I can tear them apart.”
Magnus looked at Alec for a few minutes as the rain poured outside. “I’m sorry they did that to you, Alexander. I’m sorry for them too, because they willingly alienated a son like you. Anyone who would be so stupid as to hurt you, I can’t…” He looked around, pausing nowhere and everywhere at the same time. “You deserve the world, my dear. And your family, they should be the ones giving you everything you deserve. I was wrong. If your parents can’t do that, they don’t deserve a place on the wall.”
Alec stared at Magnus, speechless. Both Izzy and Jace were averse of his tendency to treat pictures as representations, but they didn’t understand why he did it. It wasn’t because pictures couldn’t talk back, like Jace assumed, no. Even Izzy was wrong when she thought Alec used the photographs to store his favorites memories.
When Alec took a picture, he eternalized a moment, the way he saw others and especially the people he loved. Pictures were memories, yes, but more importantly they were a window to his heart. That was what the wall represented, Alec’s heart.
And now Alec wanted to put Magnus there too.
“So,” Alec said quickly, “we should start today by finishing that paper you have to deliver before your final exam. I’ve been thinking, and that last paragraph, we should- Let me get my note, there’s this article I found that might be what you’ve been looking for.”
Magnus seemed to be about to protest, but he said nothing as Alec produced a laptop from under some pillows and opened it. Before Alec could search for the article he had been reading the night before, Magnus stopped him.
“Is that the uni newspaper website?” Magnus smiled. “I used to write a column for it during my first year, under Ragnor’s name, of course. I managed to piss off a lot of people.”
Alec snorted. “He couldn’t be very happy with that.”
“Oh, he only pretended to be angry. We agreed on most of the things I wrote there.” Magnus winked at him, but then he saw something that interested him on the screen. “Oh, they have an opening for a photographer. Did you apply?”
“No,” Alec said shortly. When he saw the expectant look on Magnus’ face, he rolled his eyes. “I wanted to, but I don’t exactly have the time. And I make more money with the tutoring sessions. It doesn’t make sense to change one for the other.”
Magnus smiled and there was teasing there, but Alec only saw excitement. “Alexander, dear,” he purred, “who’s talking about sense? I’m talking about art. And a job in a minor newspaper at NYU. Don’t get me wrong, I love having classes with you - I’ve always wanted to do my teacher, mind you -, but this is not what you love. Photography is.”
“It’s just a job in a newspaper.” Alec closed the window. “And I like giving you classes.”
“That’s sweet.” Magnus grabbed the laptop and opened the newspaper website again. “Here, the requirements for the job is being a NYU student, and considering you’re definitely getting into law school there, I’d say you’ve got that one covered for a few more years; having technical skills with cameras, no comments needed; and sending five to ten pictures for evaluation.” He clapped his hands. “All right, let’s start.”
Alec glared at him, already knowing where that was going, but decided to indulge Magnus. Class was definitely off the table anyway. “Start with what?”
Magnus smiled, waving at the wall with a flourish. “Selecting your top ten photographs, of course.” He tilted his head to the side. “Well, top eleven. We both know number one is the photo you took of me.”
---
It wasn’t always that Magnus admitted being wrong. Not that it never happened, because Magnus was only human and he made mistakes like everybody else. Sometimes, he overdid his eyeshadow. He had believed way too many hair-repairing product’s advertisings. Magnus had also learned in the worst way possible that ignoring the gas light at his baby’s gas gauge would lead to him pushing his bike for miles until he found a gas station.
Admitting mistakes wasn’t the hard part per say. Admitting them to Raphael and Ragnor, though, was a nightmare.
Curse the day he had decided to use Alec to get to J-whatever. Hell, curse the moment Magnus ever laid eyes on Alec and overlooked the internal strength, dismissed the unfailing kindness and disregarded the open honesty. Curse the moment Magnus thought he could get closer to Alec and not fall in love.
But now, five months after he had put his stupid plan in motion, there Magnus stood, watching bewitched as Alec comfortably discussed philosophy with Ragnor while Raphael stared at them quietly, listening to every word. Catarina had to leave early, but the fact that she had been the one to invite Alec to their dinner at Ragnor’s spoke for itself.
Magnus sighed heavily, knowing he was doomed. His friends had been reluctant to meet him at first, but after Magnus repeatedly find excuses to justify not having slept with Alec yet, they grew curious about the boy. Settling a not so casual meeting was fairly easy because, bless Alec’s heart, he still seemed to believe everything Magnus told him.
And that was eating Magnus from the inside out. He couldn’t keep doing it. He had to tell Alec, come clean about his motives to first approach him. Even if it would ruin whatever they had, Magnus couldn’t take it much longer and it wasn’t fair.
Maybe Magnus would break Alec’s trust in him, but every week they met for study sessions broke Magnus’ heart a little more. Every time Alec appeared with a new article he had read, a new concept he’d learned just so he would explain it better, Magnus wanted to scream.
He didn’t deserve Alec, and more importantly, Alec deserved the truth.
“You look stupid when you’re thinking too much,” Raphael said, thankfully low enough that only Magnus could hear him. “Please tell me you weren’t thinking about the boy. He’s right there at the living room. Literally.”
“I have to tell him.” Magnus took a sip of his drink and he barely registered the taste of it before downing the whole thing. “He’ll hate me, but I can’t keep this up.”
Raphael stared at him silently, big brown eyes reading every inch of Magnus’ soul. “Finally. I’ve told you your plan wasn’t going to work. Now go tell him you’ve only talked to him because you wanted to humiliate his younger brother by fucking him. I enjoy dinner with a show. I’m expecting him to punch you in the face.”
Magnus rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to tell him here, with you and Ragnor vulturing over us. Besides, Cat was the one who said I was going to fall for Alexander. You just didn’t believe I was going to seduce him.”
“And you didn’t. You haven’t even kissed him. For the last five months that’s the one reason you get out of bed every day. Pathetic.”
Something that Ragnor said made Alec snort and just to see that, how much Alec was enjoying himself as he opened up to his friends, made Magnus’ chest hurt in the best and worst way possible. “Yes,” he said quietly, “I really am.”
It was decided, then. Magnus would come clean, even though he knew Alec would never forgive him. It didn’t matter how Magnus felt now, not when their entire relationship was built on a lie. On Magnus trying to hurt both Alec and Jace.
In the end, it was only Magnus who was going to get hurt and it was his own fault.
He had to do it in person, though, so he called Alec during an afternoon and asked to stop by. There was no hesitation in Alec’s voice when he told Magnus to come for dinner and Magnus sighed, trying to calm his heart.
When he arrived at Alec’s tiny apartment, Magnus could smell the delicious tomato sauce at the hall. Alec was a gifted chef and Magnus would know it, since they had both cooked for each other more than once.
Magnus chewed on his bottom lip. He’d never get to fulfill his promise and teach Alec how to make a traditional Bebek Goreng. Not after this.
Forcing himself to smile, Magnus knocked and opened the door Alec had left open for him. “Do I sense pasta on the making?”
Alec smiled back from the kitchen. “I guess that cold you had last week is all gone now. That’s good.”
Okay, sue Magnus for coming up with a stupid excuse not to see Alec for a week. Just because he was determine to do the right thing didn’t make it easier. Again, admitting mistakes.
“Oh, darling, I’m feeling fabulous.” Magnus left his helmet in its usual place and joined Alec at the kitchen, which meant sitting at the couch as always. He observed quietly as Alec mixed the seasoning and stirred the sauce. There was something in the way Alec moved that seemed almost as if he was dancing, or Alec’s version of dancing. “Alexander, you seem extraordinarily happy today. Did something happen?”
“Can’t I be happy for having you for dinner?” Alec smirked at him and he still managed to do it innocently. “No pun intended.”
Magnus chuckled. “Liar, you did that one on purpose. You’ve had me for dinner, and not in the fun sense, unfortunately, a lot of times before, but this time there’s something else. Tell me.”
Alec rolled his eyes, but the gesture lost its meaning since he couldn’t keep a smile off his lips. “Maybe I’m just happy I’m going to see my siblings tomorrow. This semester was crazy, I’ve barely talked to them properly, besides a few phone calls. That’s senior year for you.”
Narrowing his eyes at him, Magnus shook his head. “No, that’s still not it either. You texted when they confirmed lunch tomorrow, like, two days ago. Something happened today.”
“All right.” Alec poured the sauce and then brought the most beautiful macaroni to the table, sitting beside Magnus. “You’re right, something did happen today. Something big.” He stopped, hazel eyes shining bright. “I got the job at the newspaper. They called a little after we hung up.”
Magnus blinked in the second it took for him to register what he was hearing. “Yes! I knew it!” He clapped once in excitement. “Oh my God, Alexander, I’m so happy for you! You’re going to be so great, the newspaper should thank you for even applying.”
“Talking about thanking,” Alec smiled shyly with just the corner of his lips. “I wanted to thank you, Magnus. I wouldn’t have applied if it wasn’t for you and I mean this literally. You helped me pick the photos I sent, you practically wrote the application for me, I-”
“Darling, it was my pleasure,” Magnus began to say as he turned to face Alec completely, but he stopped as he saw the other’s expression. “Okay, you’re not finished. Sorry.”
“Yeah, I… There’s more I wanted to thank you for.” Alec inhaled sharply, fingers rubbing together. “I wanted to thank you for coming into my life. Not only when you saved me from being arrested, but when you reached out to schedule tutoring sessions. And then… I-I’m really bad at this, but I… I wanted to thank you for becoming my friend. You know I don’t… I don’t trust people easily but you, Magnus, I-I can’t imagine my life now without you in it. I like you. First I thought I liked you as a friend, and I do, but then… I think I’ve realized... Hm…”
Magnus swallowed hard, feeling his heart racing against his chest. Could it be…? No. “Alexander, what are you saying?”
Alec winced just slightly, but there was determination burning in his eyes as he turned to face Magnus. “I’m saying this,” he said and leaned forward, pressing his lips against Magnus’.
Electricity ran down Magnus’ body and he grabbed Alec by the shoulders, kissing him back as he moaned against Alec’s lips. Magnus didn’t feel it happening, but when he came to his senses, Alec was over him as they laid on the couch.
Magnus smiled as he watched a blushing Alec bit his lower lip in expectation. “Well, that was very eloquent.”
“I should quit photography and start writing.” Alec chuckled and shook his head. “Actually, I should’ve just kissed you before.”
“Why didn’t you? It’s not like I wasn’t basically begging for it.” Magnus smiled.
But then it cracked when realization hit him. As Alec stuttered through an explanation, all Magnus could think of was how wrong that was. He couldn’t let this continue, not until Alec knew the whole truth.
“- so I just thought,” Alec was babbling, hands gesturing vaguely, “you didn’t really mean the jokes.”
Magnus smiled and pushed Alec’s hair back gently and cupping his face with one hand. That was it, there was no delaying the truth any longer.
But Alec smiled, so sweet and soft, face leaning against Magnus’ hand, and the mere thought of ruining that moment made Magnus want to cry.
So he smiled. “Oh, but I meant them. Each and every one of them.”
Alec smiled even more, excited. “Great,” he whispered and brought his mouth to kiss Magnus’ neck as his hands started working on the buttons of Magnus’ shirt.
It was perfect, so perfect. It was everything that Magnus had wanted and more.
And it was wrong.
“Alexander,” Magnus said and grabbed both of Alec’s wrists. “I… I’m a little tired today. I raced last night and winning takes its toll even on the best of us. How about we just eat that delicious pasta and… cuddle?”
The disappointment was clear on Alec’s face as he stared at Magnus in silence, but he eventually nodded and moved to sit back. “Is everything okay?”
Magnus sneered. “I’d say more than okay. I did just get a taste of you, darling, I can die happily now. I’ve officially won in life.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Alec snorted and served them both. “Besides, you won’t be very happy when we lay on my bed. It’s super small.”
“I’m only hearing benefits here.”
Alec rolled his eyes. “Stop trying to hide whatever is on your mind with stupid innuendos.”
“There’s only one thing on my mind tonight and that’s you, my dear,” Magnus said with a smile and at least that much was true. “How about we spend tomorrow together, just you and me?”
“I’d like that, but my siblings are coming for lunch, remember?” Alec pushed his lips together. “Unless you want to join us…?”
Magnus blinked. Well, that would be an easy and quick way to reveal the truth for Alec. Too bad it wouldn’t be painless; Magnus had seen what Alec’s and Jace’s sister did to people that offended Jace before. He could only imagine what pretty Isabelle would do to him for hurting her big brother. “No, darling. You deserve some alone time with them after this hurricane of a semester. How about we meet at the library and go out for dinner?”
“Like in a date?” Alec smiled just a little, but Magnus could see the excitement in his eyes. Shit.
“So we can talk. About us.”
Alec frowned, comeback ready like it always was. He was so smart, so impossibly intelligent. But he was kind above all, so he nodded. “So we’re not doing it nor talking about us tonight. What do you want to do, instead?”
“Cuddle,” Magnus said simply. “I want to hold you in my arms. I’ve wanted that for a long time now.”
“But you’ve never touched me. For all the flirting and innuendos, you’ve never touched me.” It wasn’t a complaint, but Alec did sound a little accusatory.
Magnus nodded. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”
Alec arched an eyebrow at him and put his half-eaten plate down. He leaned against Magnus, getting comfortable as he turned to look up to him. “Does this answer your questions?”
Inhaling sharply, Magnus hugged him tight. Alec was warm and for all his height, he seemed to fit perfectly in Magnus’ arms, as if they were made to be together. “Very much so.”
“It feels like you’re going to tell me you have a terminal disease or something tomorrow,” Alec commented after they stayed quiet for a few minutes.
Magnus snorted, but he was only half invested in the action. He kissed Alec’s hair, letting himself get lost in the moment just for one second. He just wanted a glimpse of what he could’ve gotten if it wasn’t for his own stupidity.
This. This was what Magnus wanted the most, but he didn’t deserve it. He could never really have it, not for more than this one night. “Oh darling, I’m going to live forever.”
---
Isabelle and Jace were late to lunch, but Alec figured it was for the best. Magnus had left a couple of minutes ago, after spending the night with Alec in his arms. It was like he wanted to compensate for all the months apart, so he was always touching Alec, his hands, his face, the small of his back, anywhere he could until the second he had to leave.
Whatever it was that Magnus wanted to talk about, Alec had to admit he was a little worried. Something wasn’t right, but he had no idea what it was. It couldn’t be them, though. Not judging by the way Magnus held him, the way they kissed all night. Alec hadn’t had many boyfriends, just two in fact, but neither of them had touched him like Magnus did. Like he was the most important and precious thing in the world.
Neither of them made Alec feel so special, but then again, they hadn’t made Alec to feel half the things he felt about Magnus, so it wasn’t surprising.
A loud knock on the door took Alec away from his divagations and he looked up from the couch just quick enough to see a mass of black hair a his sister tackled him with a hug. “Big brother!” Isabelle exclaimed, crushing Alec in her arms. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you too,” Alec said with a smile and looked at Jace as he closed the door behind Max and him. “Hey, guys.”
“Alec!” Max ran to him and found a way to squeeze himself between his sister and brother. Lack of space didn’t stop him from reaching into his pocket and taking something out. A camera keychain. “I got that for you on the way!” He smiled brightly and there was a tooth missing. “Actually, I made Jace pay for it.”
Alec snorted and reached to get his keys, hooking the keychain with them. “Thank you, Max. I love it.”
Isabelle finally let go and sat back. “You’re coming to prom, right? As my date? You promised.”
“He’s coming as my date, Izzy,” Jace shouted from the kitchen as he helped himself with a beer from the fridge.
“Put that back, you’re still a minor.” Alec rolled his eyes when Jace sneered at him. “I’m going. I have a suit and all.”
“Good!” Isabelle smiled. “I’ve set things up for Clary to win prom queen. Don’t tell her. It’s a surprise!”
Jace snorted. “Not really, considering I’m going to win prom king and she’s my girlfriend. But enough with prom talk, Izzy has been going on and on about it for months. How are you doing? You said you had something to tell us.”
“I do.” Alec smiled quietly. “I got a job at the NYU’s newspaper as a photographer.”
The reaction was immediate. Isabelle clapped loudly, pride written all over her face. “I’m so glad! You’re going to rock it!”
Max smiled too, still spread over Alec. “Does that mean you’re not going to be a lawyer anymore? Mom and Dad are always saying you’re going to be a lawyer like mom.”
“I’m still applying to law school next semester,” Alec explained calmly. “But I’m going to work as a photographer too. I can do both.”
Jace joined them, sitting on the floor. “And your tutoring gig?”
Alec shrugged. “Maybe I’ll have to have less students, but most of them only needed me for a semester anyway.”
“Cool.” Jace leaned on the table, but his attention was caught by someone on the floor. “Did Lydia sleep here?”
“What? No.” Alec frowned a little. “Why?”
“I figured this wasn’t yours, but hey, no judging.” Jace showed him a black glittery eyeshadow. “It was under the table.”
Before Alec could anything, Isabelle grabbed it. “That’s expensive, can I keep it?”
“No. It’s… I know who’s the owner.” Alec took the makeup from her. “I’m meeting him later.” He could ignore the shit-eating grin on Isabelle’s face, but then Jace stood up in a jump and ran to the bedroom.
“The bed is undone!” He announced, turning to them with a knowing smile. “Everyone knows what that means.”
“I don’t,” Max complained. “What does it mean?”
Isabelle giggled. “It means Alec had a sleepover with a boy.”
“That’s enough,” Alec hissed and stood up, taking Max with him. “We’re going to make lunch, Max. Tell me about the last book you read.”
That was the wrong move, though. Both Isabelle and Jace joined them in a second and that was too many people in the kitchen. They followed Alec around, sly smirks on their faces until Alec groaned and stopped.
“Okay, he’s one of the people I’m tutoring. The first one, actually. We kissed yesterday and he spent the night. He wants to talk, so we’re meeting again tonight for dinner.”
“Sounds pretty serious,” Isabelle said and she seemed thrilled. “Can we see a picture? Don’t even try to pretend you don’t have one.”
Alec rolled his eyes. “On the wall.”
“Pretty serious indeed.” Jace chuckled and went to find the picture so Isabelle and him could scrutinize Magnus like they did with every guy Alec was ever interested in. “A picture on the wall and everything. Dress nicely, buddy. He’s probably propos-” Jace stopped when he located the photo, but his expression twisted to something ugly. He snatched it off of the wall, ripping the tip where the pin was stuck. “Is that him?” He asked gravely.
“Yes, that’s Magnus.” Alec frowned, confused, and turned to Isabelle who had just taken a peek on the photo. His sister brought a hand to her mouth, in shock.
What the fuck was going on?
Jace looked at Alec, his bi-colored eyes bright with fury. “You’re fucking Magnus Bane.”
“Watch your language, Jace.” Alec covered Max’s ears on a reflex, ignoring his baby brother’s protest. “And no, we actually didn’t do it. He just spent the night. How do you even know Magnus?”
“How do you think?! Haven’t I’ve told you a million times about that jerk that keeps calling me a child on my races? The leader of the Pandemonium gang?! That’s him!”
Alec blinked. “Magnus… Magnus is the jerk that- But he said he barely knew you. Only by sight. He said-”
“He lied!” Jace threw the photo the table. “He knows very well who I am. We raced against each other last weekend, Alec! I can’t believe you… If you had ever come with me when I invited you, you’d know who he is. That snake, going after you to-”
“Don’t, Jace. Don’t.” Alec gritted his teeth and shook his head. “He wouldn’t… He wouldn’t try something like this. Don’t go there. Magnus is a good person.”
“A good person?!” Jace laughed, but it sounded more like a roar. “Can’t you see what he’s doing? He’s sleeping with you to get to me. To be able to say he fucked my older brother. He’ll do anything to get rid of me, including using you!”
Isabelle laid a hand at Jace’s arm. “That’s enough. We don’t know if that is what Magnus was doing. Maybe he just likes Alec and he knew Alec wouldn’t give him a chance if he knew Magnus and you had a problem with each other. There’s a number of possible explanations.”
Alec moved without thinking, searching for his phone. The last text Magnus had sent him was still showing on the locked screen. Have a great time with your siblings. See you tonight, darling xoxo
Shoving the phone in his pocket, Alec grabbed his keys. “Help yourself. There’s pasta in the fridge,” he told his siblings and left.
The NYU campus was just a few blocks from his apartment, but the walk never felt that long. Magnus had classes in the afternoon, so there was a small chance he’d be there. Alec had to see him, he had to hear an explanation from his mouth, look into his eyes.
Jace had to be wrong. It couldn’t be true. No way.
Alec got to the class where Magnus was supposed to be in a rush, but he wasn’t in there. Of course Magnus had skipped class today. He didn’t care for his education, not if he could use it against his garbage father.
But then why would he waste money in taking classes with Alec? It didn’t make sense. Not now that Alec thought about it. Was Jace right?
“No,” Alec cursed under his breath. He turned, running out of the building. Even if Magnus had cut class, he could be hanging out with his friends in the cafeteria, or in one of the study rooms.
But he wasn’t. Alec ran through the entire campus and Magnus was nowhere to be seen. Vanished when Alec needed to see him the most. Where else could he be? Too many possibilities. Magnus could be at his apartment with his cat or racing someone in the streets. Nowhere was too far, not when Magnus got his bike.
“Estúpido,” a familiar voice said from one of the rooms Alec was passing by. He stopped and sure enough, there was Raphael, sitting with Catarina and Ragnor. “I can’t believe he let it get this far. And for what? To mess with a high school boy?”
He was about to open the cracked door, but Alec stopped midway through, his entire body freezing as he listened in.
“Wasn’t that the whole idea, though?” Ragnor sighed. “I always thought Magnus would give up midway, realize how awful this plan of his was. But, alas, now he’s done it. He said poor Alec kissed him last night and he still has no idea.”
Catarina shook her head. “This is so messy. What now? Magnus is in-”
Alec gritted his teeth and bursted the door open. All three of them looked at him in surprise, though Catarina had mortification written all over her face. Huffing, Alec marched up to them and put the eyeshadow on the table. “He forgot that,” he said toneless. His entire body felt numb and Alec felt a little light-headed.
He looked at Magnus’ friends one more time. One last time.
And then Alec walked away.
---
Magnus had learned a long time ago that crying solved nothing. When he was just a little boy, he’d cry whenever his father got home and started shouting; it only made him angrier. Magnus cried when Camille broke his heart in high school, but it was Ragnor and Catarina who helped him mend it with laughs and true love.
Now he was crying again, but no amount of tears in the world would fix the mess he made.
When Raphael called him, voice stern and words short, Magnus hadn’t understood at first. There was something about them seeing Alec, some weird talk and Alec leaving them in anger. It was only after Catarina had taken the phone and told him what happened that Magnus lost his balance.
Magnus had delayed telling Alec the truth for too long, he’d been too much of a coward and now he had lost everything.
So Magnus cried. He sat down on the floor of his apartment and let the tears roll down his face, let the sobs come and go and he hugged the Chairman against his chest. As useless as it was, Magnus cried and cried until it was night.
Eventually the tears dried out and Magnus sighed. His phone had rang the entire afternoon, but none of the calls were from Alec. There were texts from Catarina and Raphael, a few missed calls from Ragnor, but nothing from Alec.
Who was Magnus kidding? Alec would never want to see him again.
Turning off his phone, Magnus kissed the Chairman’s head and stood up. “Daddy is going out, my dear. Don’t wait up, ok?”
The cat meowed quietly, but he seemed to understand. Magnus put some food for him and grabbed his helmet. Next thing he knew, he was on his bike and the wind was kissing his face like an old lover. Magnus drove all night, until he was almost out of gas. When he drove, Magnus didn’t have to think and that was all that he wanted. A clear mind.
But when he noticed where he was, Magnus snorted. Just in front of him the sun was rising over the East river.
Magnus took off his phone and turned it on, just long enough to snap a picture. He sent it to Alec, along with a text. Can we talk?
Yes the answer came, not even a second later.
The ride to Alec’s apartment was quick and Magnus had been there enough times for the doorman to let him in with just a nod. His heart was pounding against his chest and Magnus had never realized just how heavy his legs were until he climbed the stairs up.
And then, just like all the other times, there Alec’s door was. Magnus didn’t stop to catch his breath or think about what he was going to say. He just reached out with his hand and twisted the door knob.
But the door didn’t open.
“You’re not coming in,” Alec’s voice sounded from inside the apartment. “We can talk, but I don’t want to see you.”
Magnus held his breath. “Okay,” he said in a whisper. “I guess that’s fair. I… Alexander, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you.”
“What?” Alec didn’t sound angry, but that was probably Magnus’ wishful thinking. Mostly, Alec sounded hollow. “Should’ve told me what? I don’t… I don’t understand, Magnus.”
That was it.
“When we met, all those months ago, and I learned you were Jace’s brother, I…” Magnus inhaled deeply. “I thought I could use you to teach your brother a lesson. I’m sorry. I… I kind of hate your brother.” Magnus chuckled, though there was nothing funny. “I guess I mostly envy him, because he’s so young and so free. So confident and ready to take on the world. But he’s not unbreakable. I thought I could break him, break his trust if I… I met you, Alexander, and I thought I could finally put Jace in his place by sleeping with you.”
“Continue,” Alec said after a few seconds of silence. “There’s more.”
Magnus nodded and he sat down, leaning his back against the door. “There is. I thought you’d be an easy target, after that night with the police and everything. So I looked you up online and found your ad for tutoring lessons. I’m… I’m actually very good in business law, but that was a way to get close to you.”
The door moved against Magnus and there was pressure on it now. “I know,” Alec sighed heavily. “That you’re good at business law. Took me a few weeks, but I realized you weren’t there for the classes.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was there for you, only I…” Magnus hugged his knees, feeling the tears come again. “At the time, I thought you’d be like Jace. Arrogant, annoying. Rude, like you were when we first met. But as classes went by and I got to know you better, I-”
“Don’t you dare say you started to like me.”
Magnus shook his head. “Not like, Alexander. I fell in love with you. And I knew you enjoyed spending time with me, so I was afraid. So afraid of what your reaction would be when you found out. When I finally stopped being a coward and told you the whole truth.”
“But you never did.” Alec’s voice was almost impossible to hear, muffled and weak. “I kissed you. I would’ve never kissed you if I knew… I want to hate you.”
And there is was. Everything Magnus was terrified of. “I’m sorry.”
“Go away. Stay away from me and from my brother.” The pressure on the door was lifted in a sudden rush. “I don’t ever want to hear from you again.”
The words cut Magnus’ heart like a knife, but there was nothing left to be said. Not anymore.
So he got up and left, just like Alec wanted him to.
Days passed, but even if they hadn’t Magnus wouldn’t have noticed. Raphael and Catarina visited him at home and brought him food so Magnus wouldn’t forget to eat. Ragnor called to tell Magnus about the classes he had been missing, though they rarely ended up talking about much more than how Magnus was feeling.
Magnus wasn’t even racing anymore. There was no point, no victory would fill the void inside his heart. Nothing could make things right again. Not for a long time. Not until Magnus got over Alec.
If he ever got over Alec.
It was night when Magnus’ phone rang, though he didn’t know of which day of the week. It didn’t really matter.
“What?” Magnus answered it after checking the caller. Raphael.
“Get dressed. I’m at your door and we’re going for a ride. You don’t have to race, but you have to be there.”
Magnus sighed. “I don’t want to go.”
“And I didn’t ask if you did. If you don’t show up in ten minutes, I will go up and drag you out regardless of what you’re wearing right now, I swear to Jesus.”
Coercion, it seemed, was enough of an incentive to get Magnus moving. He guessed that was the least he could do and also that Raphael was not one for idle threats. Magnus may be feeling down, but nobody would ever see him in sweatpants. And crocs.
An hour later, Magnus was half glad he had gone out. Catarina and Ragnor both seemed very happy to him out of his home and they had a lovely dinner at one of Magnus’ favorite places in the city. Riding with his friends always made Magnus feel better and although it didn’t yet feel the same, for the first time in days Magnus thought it would soon.
The only thing preventing him from feeling completely glad, though, was that the second they stopped at one of the alleys where the night’s race would take place, Magnus saw him.
Jace.
“I should g-” Magnus started to say, but then he winced when he got interrupted.
“You!” Jace roared and Magnus only got time to turn to face him before he felt something hard crushing against his head. Next thing Magnus knew, he was on the floor and half of his face was pulsing in pain. “How dare you show your face here?!”
“Raphael, no!” Magnus shouted, one hand up to stop his friend from throwing himself at Jace. Truth be told, he expected Jace to keep hitting but apparently he’d wait for Magnus to be up on his feet again.
Great. Even the brat was more honorable than him.
Magnus inhaled and kneeled, bringing his fingers to wipe the drops of blood escaping his bottom lip. He rose up slowly and took twice as long to face Jace. “Before you punch me again,” Magnus said with both hands up, “I want to say I’m sorry for what I did.”
“I don’t give a fuck about how you feel.” Jace rolled up his sleeve, fist ready for seconds. “You hurt my brother, you broke his heart. And for what?! If you have a problem with me, have it out with me. Don’t hurt him!”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Magnus exhaled, incapable of keeping eye contact. He knew people were looking, but if Jace wanted to beat him up, so be it. He deserved it.
Nothing would hurt as much as his heart did anyway.
Growling, Jace shook his head sharply. “I’ve told you already. I don’t care how you feel!” He took a step forward and although Raphael did the same, there was no hesitation in him. “Stop apologizing and do something.”
Magnus winced and then stared at him, completely at loss. “What…? I’ve… I’ve talked to him. Alec doesn’t want to see me. There’s nothing I can do.” He was shaking, terribly so. “I’ve tried thinking of something. Of what I could say, or how, or when. I… I just… He wants me gone and he can trust me to do that, at least.”
Jace moved, but the punch never came. Instead, he grabbed Magnus by the jacket and dragged him away from the prying eyes. There was something about the Lightwoods, about the way they carried themselves that commanded authority. Nobody followed, not even Raphael.
“Man, you’re crying,” Jace said after they reached a corner. The anger wasn’t all gone from his voice, but there was tenderness there too.
Magnus huffed. “I know, I… I don’t seem to do much else lately.”
“Good, you should be suffering.” Jace crossed his arms and leaned against the dirty wall. “I’m sorry I hit you, but I will again if you apologize one more time. Nobody cares for apologies.”
“Then why did you just say you were sorry for punching me?” Magnus stared blankly at him, which was much harder to do with tears in your eyes.
Jace shrugged. “I’m very polite. And I’m doing something about it. I don’t want people to see the great Magnus Bane crying like a little kid because he got punched on the face by a high school boy.”
Magnus nodded and touched his lips. “Thanks for avoiding my nose, by the way. I quite like it and I’m against plastic surgery on principle.”
“Alec would murder me if I broke your nose.” Jace sighed. “Okay, you need to think about what you’re going to do to make it up for him. We should call Izzy, she’s good with this stuff.”
“Okay, Jamie- Sorry, Jace, I’m a creature of habit,” Magnus shook his head. “Alexander was very clear when he said he didn’t want to hear of me again. I can’t just show up and disrespect him again. That was the problem in the first place.”
Jace frowned. “Okay, but you have to. He’s not going to go after you. He’s Alec and he has feelings. That’s the worst possible thing to happen to him, because he only understands logic.”
“That is not true at all,” Magnus snorted and rolled his eyes. “Alexander is very loving and he cares deeply for all of you. You may have punched me, but he’d do way worse if it was the other way around.”
“Oh man, you’d be so dead if you had tried to sleep with me to fuck with him.” Jace chuckled. “But anyway, the point is that you have to do something about it. Something big.”
Magnus sighed, completely tired. He was already doing something; he was staying away. That was what Alec wanted. Why didn’t Jace just get that? He decided to try one more time. “Alexander doesn’t want me to-”
“Oh, shut up,” Jace interrupted him. “Of course he wants you to go talk to him. He barely leaves his apartment and I haven’t seen him taking a photo in- A photo! That’s gotta convince you.” He nodded to himself, looking pretty smug. “Alec hasn’t trashed your photo. Not yet. It’s in the drawer, but if he hasn’t torn it apart, what does it mean?”
Magnus just shook his head, not really following.
“It means you still have a shot. Damnit, Magnus, don’t you see? You broke my brother’s heart, but only because he loves you. He still does. And you love him. You must, I mean, you’ve been skipping all important races and you didn’t put on makeup. You’re a mess, man. No offense.”
Nodding slightly, Magnus ignored the uncalled comment about his appearance. “He didn’t tear my picture apart?”
Jace shook his head. “Nope. I’ve been visiting everyday and he keeps it in the drawer. Not saying he didn’t try tearing it apart though. He did.”
Magnus grabbed Jace’s arm. The thing about sorrow and regret was that, different from grief, the pain didn’t come from a broken heart. It was like his heart had stopped and Magnus had been carrying the dead weight for days.
But now his heart was beating again. “I still have a chance.”
“That was my whole point.” Jace just seemed bored now. “Remind me what my brother sees in you again. He said you’re intelligent.”
“And he’s right,” Magnus smiled brightly, his whole face lighting up. “Because if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have had the greatest of ideas.” He giggled, feeling his entire body shake with excitement. “And you, Jake, my friend, are going to help me.”
---
Alec never remembered his dreams. It wasn’t to say he didn’t have them, only that once he woke up, all that there was left was a sensation. Sometimes it was pleasant, sometimes it was awful, but no matter what, it was just a feeling.
And Alec was sick and tired of feelings.
It had been almost a month since he’d learned the real reason why Magnus had come into his life and every single day had felt worse than the one before. The first thing Alec had felt was blinding white rage, but it only lasted enough for him to realize the crushing humiliation that hovered over him. How utterly stupid he felt, not only for believing in Magnus, but for letting him in his heart.
Because now, Alec had no idea how to get him out of there. Every night when Alec laid on his bed, all he could think of was that Magnus had been there and how right it had felt. How happy Alec had been. How he thought that that was what he wanted for as long as Magnus would have him.
Now he knew he was wrong, though. Whatever there was between them it wasn’t real and it could never have been. Magnus had played him, used him. When Alec kissed him, when Alec confessed how he felt… It had all been a lie. A ruse.
But if it was, then why did Magnus stop him? If he wanted to use Alec to get to Jace, then why didn’t he?
Alec groaned and turned around, incapable of sleeping. Midnight had come and passed and he was still tossing around, his mind going a million miles per hour. It was hard to sleep, but even harder to allow himself to relax.
The last time Alec felt relaxed it was because of Magnus and look where that got him.
The loud buzzing of his phone drew Alec’s attention back to reality and he sighed, grabbing it lazily. “Jace, it’s… Three in the morning. Almost four, actually.”
“Yes, I own a clock and I know how to read it. Having trouble sleeping, bro?”
Sleep deprivation and a broken heart didn’t make Alec slower. If anything, they made him sharper and so he could hear the slight edge to Jace’s voice like he was screaming it. “What did you do?”
“I’m hurt,” Jace said, completely fine. “How can you think so low of me? Just because I’m calling you in the wee hours of the night, it does not mean I’m up to do mischief.”
Alec rolled his eyes and said nothing.
“Okay. I might be doing something that our parents wouldn’t particularly approve of,” Jace admitted rushly. “But it is for a good reason.”
“Everything you do is for a higher reason.” Alec sighed and he knew he was going to regret his next words. “What are you doing?”
“Right now, I’m standing in front of your building.” Just to prove it, Jace pressed the accelerator and Alec could hear the motorcycle’s engine growling as if it was inside his apartment.
Refraining from saying the first thing that crossed his mind, and only because it would be rude to sent his little brother away in a dark night in New York city, Alec huffed. “Why?”
Jace snorted loudly. “I’m obviously taking you for a ride. Now put on some pants and get your ass down here.”
“I’m not going anywhere with y-” The engine screamed again, louder. “Okay, stop that. You’d better have brought me an extra helmet.”
“What do you think I am? An animal?”
Alec decided not to answer that and hung up. It took him less than a minute to find a pair of pants that weren't dirty and a jacket on the floor. At least there were some perks of being unable to sleep; Alec was rather quick in getting ready for a brotherly kidnapping.
True to his word, Jace had an extra helmet, but only because Isabelle had reminded him to get one as she helped him get out of the house without waking up their parents. “She said she wanted to come to,” Jace told Alec as he drove them away, to no particular place. “But she thought we needed some boy time. Whatever that is.”
“When she’s right, she’s right.” Alec shrugged. He had learned not to question his sister, ever.
Jace nodded in agreement and focused on the road. New York was very empty during the early morning, so they didn’t have to worry about the traffic that much. Alec only ever felt safe riding with Jace and it didn’t even matter how fast his brother went, he trusted him wholeheartedly.
Alec smiled to himself. He still could do it, then. Trust someone.
They drove for what seemed to be hours, with the cold wind biting their faces, but Alec focusing on the colors. Night was slowly turning into day when Jace began to slow down. They weren’t in Manhattan anymore, although Alec had zoned out somewhere downtown and let Jace worry about navigation.
“I’m hungry,” Jace announced as he parked his bike in front a twenty-four-hours café. “Let’s get breakfast.”
Nodding, Alec hopped off and gave his helmet to Jace. “I’m paying.”
Jace smirked at him and headed inside. “Of course you are.”
The table Jace chose was by the glass wall and it had a great view of the sun rising on the water. Alec watched it for a few seconds as Jace went through the menu and ended up order some coffee and a bagel. “Do you want anything?”
“Just coffee.” Alec thanked the waitress and turned to Jace. “You didn’t just take me out of bed to have breakfast in… Wherever we are.”
“Brooklyn. You really have to start paying attention on where you’re going.” Jace sighed and crossed his arms against his chest. “But yeah. How are you holding up?”
Alec pushed his lips together and ran his fingers through his hair. “Barely? I was hoping it would get easier with time, but it hasn’t so far.”
Jace nodded seriously. “And has he tried to talk to you?”
“No, he hasn’t.” Alec leaned against the chair and looked away. “And he won’t. Magnus… He doesn’t care.”
“I think he does.” Jace thanked the waitress when she brought them their order and then dipped his bagel on the black coffee. “I think he’s scared to make things worse, though.”
Alec shook his head. “They can’t be worse than this.”
“So,” Jace arched an eyebrow at him and finished his breakfast in a quick bite, “if Magnus wanted to talk to you, you’d listen?”
There was it again. The edge. “What did you do?” Alec asked, half accusatory, half angry. Fully afraid.
Jace stood up and smiled, not quite apologetically but almost there. “Call me if you need me to pick you up, but Alec… Try, okay?” He looked over Alec’s head. “Good luck, man.”
“Thank you,” Magnus said and his voice alone was enough to send a shiver down Alec’s body. But then he took Jace’s seat and Alec lost his breath. Magnus looked every bit as beautiful as he always did, but there was something else now too.
Honesty. Written all over his eyes. “Hello, Alexander.”
“Hey,” Alec said quietly. “What happened to your lip?”
Magnus smiled a little and shrugged. “Your brother. What happened to your hair?”
“My brother. Well, actually, my pillow and my brother getting me out of bed at four in the morning.” Alec breathed out slowly, bringing both hands to play with the cup where his coffee grew cold. “So, how have you been?”
“You know.” Magnus chimed his shoulders and tilted his head. “Regret and guilt aren’t the greatest companions in the world, but I have others friends too. And you?”
Alec stared at him. “Hanging out with humiliation and rage. Having the time of my life.” He shook his head when Magnus began an apology. “Don’t say you’re sorry. I’ve heard it.”
“But I am. I know it doesn’t change what I did, but Alexander, there isn’t a day that I don’t regret it. That I don’t wish I was braver, that I had told you before we… Before we got to this point. I’ve never wanted to hurt you.”
“No,” Alec cocked his head to the side. “Just my brother.”
Magnus nodded. “You can imagine my embarrassment when I found out he’s actually a nice kid. It only took breaking both of ours hearts and destroying your trust in me for it.”
“Jace is worth everything.”
“And so are you.” Magnus smiled quietly, but his eyes were sad. “I learned it as we grew closer, how special you are. I know my motives to talk to you weren’t noble, not even decent, but I promise you, what happened next was genuine. I know because I tried to fight it off and it didn’t work. I still fell in love with you, I still cared for you. And I was so afraid to lose you, despite never… Never truly having you. The whole you.”
Alec sighed and looked away for a few seconds. “You lied to me. About not knowing who Jace was, and then when you called for the tutoring lessons. You also lied when I asked why you never touched me, despite being very clear that you wanted to. You said it was because you didn’t know if I wanted you to touch me.”
Magnus frowned and he looked confused. “And I didn’t. I mean, I could talk all that I wanted, but touching you without you letting me is-”
“Exactly what you were planning to do.” Alec stared at him, watching him closely. “You wanted to sleep with me, without me knowing your true motives. You wanted to use me to hurt my brother. And I wouldn’t say yes to either of those. Why did you care if I said yes for you touching me? And then, I wanted to have sex with you. And you lied again, gave some lame excuse and we settled for cuddling and a few kisses. Why?”
Magnus swallowed hard. “I… I guess I-”
“You’re a good person. That’s why.” Alec looked down to Magnus’ hands, the way they stopped their ever moving flow when he spoke. “You knew it was wrong, so you never let it get too far. You were a coward in your words, but you’re brave in your actions. I don’t think you’d follow through your stupid plan even if I turned to be as arrogant and horrible as you expected me to be. You talked a big game, but did nothing.”
Magnus conceded with the smallest of nods. “I hurt you.”
“You did.” Alec closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m not saying I’m over that, because I’m not. But I miss you. I miss having you in my life. I’ve started the job as a photographer and I wanted to call you and tell you about my day, but I couldn’t.”
“Because you hated me,” Magnus said and it was gentle.
Alec shook his head. “I tried to. I wanted to hate you. But I never did. I believe you when you say you lost track of your stupid plan along the way. I lost track of ignoring you, and that was my plan.”
Magnus inhaled deeply and leaned forward. “Alexander,” he said, every syllable dancing on his tongue, “can I try to make it up to you? I don’t mean as boyfriends, not yet, not until you can trust me again. But as your friend?”
It wasn’t as if those words alone were capable of healing everything that hurt inside Alec. Words never did. But Alec still felt lighter just to hear them. “Yes. I’d like that.”
“Good.” Magnus smiled brightly. That too helped to lift up some of the weight. “This is good. How about we keep it going? You tell me what I’m allowed to do, bit by bit, until I win back your trust. It doesn’t matter how long it takes.”
Alec pondered for a second. “Okay. That’s fair. No more secrets.” Sleep was starting to creep in and Alec could feel his body feeling heavier. “I think I should go home, though. I’m tired.”
Magnus nodded. “I’ll take you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re in Brooklyn, your house is much closer than mine. I’ll take an uber.” Alec put down the money to pay for the breakfast and then yawned. It was like the lack of sleep from the entire month was catching up to him.
“Darling, you’re practically falling asleep on your feet. Let me at least follow the uber to make sure you got home alright.” Magnus looked anxious, as if he was ready to catch Alec when he inevitably fell.
Alec rolled his eyes, but yawned again. “If I forbid you to come, will you do it anyway?”
“Yes,” Magnus answered with missing a beat. “I’m making sure you got home safely, even if it goes against the rules we just settled. I just am.”
Chuckling a little, Alec just nodded. “Okay, fine. You can take me home. Wipe that smirk off of your face, though.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, my dear.” Magnus giggled and guided them to where he had parked his ride.
Thankfully, Magnus drove with much more care than Jace did, which meant they were within a reasonable speed range, only slightly above the limit. Alec hugged Magnus during the entire trip, but he never felt the need to crushing him in order to save his life and that was saying enough, considering he was almost falling asleep on Magnus’ back.
They reached Alec’s building quickly enough, though, and Magnus insisted on accompanying Alec upstairs. It made Alec feel like a little kid, but in a good way. He climbed onto his bed, remembering only to kick off his shoes as Magnus chuckled.
“Come on, darling. At least take your wallet and phone of out your pock-” Magnus bended down to relieve Alec’s jeans from said items, but he stopped before his hands ever touched him.
Alec frowned, but then he understood it. “Magnus, you’re allowed to touch me. Non-sexually.” He added in a weak voice.
Magnus smiled a little and nodded, quickly taking away Alec’s wallet and phone to put them on his bedside table. “There. It shouldn’t bother you anymore. Get under your blanket.” Alec obeyed without protest and he smiled as Magnus fluffed his pillow and tucked him in bed. “Sweet dreams, Alexander.”
“Thanks. Hm…” Alec looked at him a little uncertain. “It’s pretty early so… If you want to crash on the couch, it’s okay by me.”
“Oh,” Magnus blinked, but then he nodded. “I think I will, then. Good night, darling.”
Alec closed his eyes. “It’s morning.”
The last thing he heard before falling asleep was Magnus’ laugh. “Good morning, then.”
---
People say trust take years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair. For Alec and Magnus, forever happened in steps. It started that morning and then a little later, when Alec woke up and found the note Magnus had left him, explaining he had to go to class and thanking him for giving him a chance.
Then, it came in the smallest things as they kept meeting up, first by chance at the corridors at NYU, but also intentionally, for a coffee or a meal. Alec kept seeing Magnus’ friends, sometimes even without him being there, and Magnus was finally introduced to Isabelle and Max. He helped Alec get ready to prom and cheered with Clary over speaker when she called Alec in the next morning to tell him she had won prom queen.
It also showed in bigger things, such as the building friendship between Magnus and Jace. They were still fiercely competitive on races, but off the wheels the animosity seemed to be gone. Not completely, but it turned into bickering rather than a confrontation.
When Alec graduated, Magnus was the one who cheered the loudest and the same happened when Alec was accepted into law school. Magnus’ graduation party was the first time Alec got drunk out of his mind, but he woke up safely in Magnus’ guest room, beside a glass of water and Aspirin.
Magnus had every picture of Alec’s NYU’s newspaper ever published stored in a file and Alec helped Magnus go through a trainee selective process in one of the biggest banks of the world after Magnus finally graduated.
Alec was the first person Magnus called to announce he had gotten the job. “Okay,” he had chuckled, sounding just as excited as Magnus felt. “We can go out on Tuesday to celebrate.”
Eventually, Magnus’ picture was back on the wall, among so many others.
Months turned a year and every now and then Alec allowed something new. “You can stay for dinner,” he’d say, followed by “You can stay over. On the couch.” just a couple of weeks after. They fell asleep in Magnus’ huge bed once by accident, but then again and again until it was no accident at all.
“You can hold my hand,” Alec had said when they took a plane to Miami for a long weekend at the beach with Alec’s family. There had been a lot of turbulence and Magnus had never been a fan of heights. It didn’t take long for them to hold hands on the ground too.
But it was only during one night at Alec’s small apartment, as they watched a movie together, that Alec looked up at Magnus, as he had been leaning on him through most of the movie. “Magnus?”
Blinking, Magnus turned to him, still half paying attention to the scenes. “Yes, my darling?”
Alec inhaled deeply. “You can kiss me,” he said. “If you want to.”
Magnus stopped the movie, a little startled. He reached for Alec’s hand and Alec immediately held it. “Are you sure, Alexander?”
“Yes,” Alec said simply, because he was. He was sure.
So when Magnus did kiss him, first tentatively, giving Alec space to back down if he wanted to, but then strongly when he realized Alec was kissing him back, there were no doubts polluting Alec’s mind. They kissed and laughed between kisses, all the weight finally gone.
That night, happiness became kisses and kisses became touches until there was nothing else that mattered in the world but the two of them. That night, all permissions were given and taken.
Repeatedly.
“Alexander,” Magnus whispered once they were laying on Alec’s bed, fingers laced together. “I love you.”
Alec smiled and closed his eyes, laying his head against Magnus’ naked chest. “I love you too, Magnus.”
Forever took a long time to come, but when it did, it came to stay.