Chapter Text
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
I’m bored, so here’s the dumb shit my family says
Replies 4k Retweets 1.2k Likes 692k Views 1.2M
→ Elf Overlord @AViking&A50sHouseWife
Oh Dear… Do we really want to know the bullshit the Wayne’s say?
→→ Alas Poor Yorick! @2BOrNot2B
Uh… YES!? Obviously we do. Ignore her Dick, please, share your wisdom with us.
→→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Gladly.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“At least my parents loved me” - me
“My parents loved me, they’re just dead” - @BruceWayne
Replies 12k Retweets 6k Likes 6M Views 9M
→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
What the fuck dude, when did this happen 😭🙏
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Uhh… Like 20 Minutes ago. It’s actually what inspired this whole thing. You’re next Timmy…
→→→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
Oh dear..
→ Alas Poor Yorick! @2BOrNot2B
Okay, full transparency, not what I was expecting when I encouraged this but I’m not mad about it.
→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Okay, I’m invested. Show us more. Please? I’m asking nicely.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
You ask and you shall receive @JCGraves
“It would be like if Hitler and Stalin joined sides” - @TimDrake-Wayne
(Context, Jason had the gall to ask what would happen if the Joker and Riddler teamed up)
Replies 10k Retweets 8k Likes 11M Views 14M
→ Red, Dead, No Redemption ✓@JasonPTodd-Wayne
Huh. I forgot I asked that, boring ass response tho.
→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
I stand by what I said.
→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
I mean he’s right.
→→→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
At least someone agrees with me @JasonPTodd-Wayne
→ Yes I’m Here Stop Clapping @Confusedbisexual
No no. Let Tim cook, he’s onto something there.
→→ Duke of Thomas ✓@DukeThomas
Agreed.
→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Omg this is even better than the last 😭🙏
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“I fear if we send Damian for a mental checkup, he’s not going to be coming home for…quite a while” - @BruceWayne
Replies 22k Retweets 12k Likes 18M Views 30M
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Damn dude, throw your own son under the bus why don’t you 😔
→ Anna @ProudMetropolitan
What happened to the ‘loving father’ that Gothamites are always talking about? You’re all always going on about ‘Oh BrUciE WaYNe is SuCh A LovINg FaThER’ so where did that go, huh?
→→ Farming Equipment @NFHarrow
Oh my god, Bronana peel, he makes one joke and suddenly he’s not a loving father? Get a fuckign grip plesae. I beg.
→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Yeah we can tell you’ve never paid any attention to anything about Gotham, so kindly shut the fuck up, we don’t need your judgement dude.
→→ Angel of Thursday ✓@CassandraWayne
🙄
→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
Last I checked I’m the most mentally stable member of the family, Sans Alfred of course.
→→ Angel of Thursday ✓@CassandraWayne
🤨
→→→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
And Cas.
→→ B ✓@BruceWayne
That’s debatable.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“That’s awesome man. Hey, you want some lead based paint?” - @DukeThomas
Replies 12k Retweets 6k Likes 8M Views 12M
→ Duke of Thomas ✓@DukeThomas
Damn, I thought I might be escaping this 😞
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Never assume you can escape Thomas. Everyone is at risk.
→→→ Red, Dead, No Redemption ✓@JasonPTodd-Wayne
Okay, well now I’m scared.
→→→ Tall, Dark, And Beyond Help ✓@BruceWayne
I’ve seen the length of that google doc. It’s going to be a long few weeks.
→→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
WEEKS!? How long is that google doc dude.
→→→→→ Tall, Dark, And Beyond Help ✓@BruceWayne
The current one was 10 pages last I saw but the other two have been in the 30’s
→→→→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
“Other two” is genuinely insane. I have to agree with Jason, now I’m scared, and I’m not even in it.
→ E=MC Hammer ✓@The Flash
Umm.. Context? Please?
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
No.
→→→ E=MC Hammer ✓@The Flash
Darn. Welp, I tried @GreenLantern
→→→→ Greased Lightning ✓@GreenLantern
Not hard enough.
→→→→→ E=MC Hammer ✓@The Flash
You try then!
→→→→→→ Greased Lightning ✓@GreenLantern
No thanks. They scare me.
→→→→→→→ E=MC Hammer ✓@The Flash
That’s what I though, you soggy lasagna.
→→→→→→→→ Batman ✓@TheDarkKnight
Flash. What have I said about calling people soggy lasagnas?
→→→→→→→→→ E=MC Hammer ✓@The Flash
Not to? My bad, sorry Bats. Sorry Lantern
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
@Knightingale “I’m not even in it” you say?
“I wanna die between the megalodons muscular arms and her big titties”
Replies 14k Retweets 17k Likes 15M Views 19M
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
FUCK!
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
I said that like a year ago, how did you find that!?
→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Baby… Why?
→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Shhh. She was hot, okay Love?…
→→→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Okay Darling, whatever you say.
→→→ Alex @GenderBender
YOU GUYS ARE DATING!??
→→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Yeah like…3 years now.
→→→→→ Alex @GenderBender
Damn! Good for you guys!
→→→→→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Thanks!
→→→→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Thank you.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“Stop abusing the psychic link! We can’t hear you!” - @JasonPTodd-Wayne
Replies 20k Retweets 17k Likes 19M Views 22M
→ Altair @StarStarRomanThorns
Wtf is wrong with you guys 😭🙏
→→ Tall, Dark, And Beyond Help ✓@BruceWayne
Trauma.
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Trauma.
→→ Red, Dead, No Redemption ✓@JasonPTodd-Wayne
Trauma.
→→ Angel of Thursday ✓@CassandraWayne
Trauma.
→→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
Trauma.
→→ Illegally Blonde ✓@StephanieBrown
Trauma.
→→ Duke of Thomas ✓@DukeThomas
Trauma.
→→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
Trauma.
→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Well, uh…I think you got your answer.
→→→ Altair @StarStarRomanThorns
I don’t think that can be considered an answer..
→→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Would you prefer ‘Childhood Trauma’? Cause if I’m being honest with you, I think that’s even less encompassing than what they gave you.
→→→→→ Altair @StarStarRomanThorns
I...I give up.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“Welcome to biotechnological weaponry. Because I have a biotechnological weapon in there, just for funsies.. Put that in the quote book” - @BruceWayne
(He does have an INACTIVE biotechnological weapon, it’s for research tho)
Replies 19M Retweets 24k Likes 27M Views 29M
→ Jessie @NoGirl
Okay genuinely, WTAF is going on in Gotham, why does WE have a biotechnological weapon!? That's illegal, it’s like, a war crime or something!
→→ Alas Poor Yorick! @2BOrNot2B
Bro what?? That’s actually so not a war crime. WE has a research department, and much like universities and like Dick said, they have INACTIVE biotechnological weapons to study them for various reasons, WE studies Anthrax. Metropolis University literally has inactive strains of Anthrax, and they, like WE, do research on it, it’s not illegal, what is illegal is active strains and actually using them.
→→→ Jessie @NoGirl
It literally is though? And Metropolis University doesn’t have Anthrax, where on earth did you get that idea? They would never.
→→→→ Andrea @IUsedToLaughButGotham
Https://Metropolis-University/Anthrax-Biotech-Weapons-And-Why-We-Have-Them Are you sure about that?
→→→→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Their silence speaks volumes 😂 Thank you for that.
→→→→→→ Andrea @IUsedToLaughButGotham
Lmao no worries, I saw their response to @2BOrNot2B and knew it was going to go downhill from there.
→ Tall, Dark, And Beyond Help ✓@BruceWayne
Well…That sparked more of a reaction than I was expecting
→→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
I’ve seen what’s in that Google Document, Father. It’s only going to get worse.
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
I have to agree with Dames, I’ve started out with the tamer ones so far.
→→→ Alex @GenderBender
I’m sorry. Tamer?
→→→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
You heard me.
Red, Dead, No Redemption ✓@JasonPTodd-Wayne
I’ve been wondering why Dick gets to have all the fun, and I’ve decided he shouldn’t, so from now on, since he’s been omitting them, I’ll be sharing Richard’s own quotes.
“I can, however, manipulate my siblings” - @DickGrayson-Wayne
Replies 18k Retweets 19k Likes 23.5k Views 30k
→ Elf Overlord @AViking&A50sHouseWife
As an older Sister. I feel you Dick. I feel you.
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
I’m an only child but I do love manipulating my friends.
→Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
He’s never manipulated me, so clearly the rest of you are just weak.
→→ Red, Dead, No Redemption ✓@JasonPTodd-Wayne
Oh sweet Dames. How wrong you are.
→→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
You most definitely have been manipulated by him. He just does it for things you wont expect like getting you to make him a sandwich or drink or something. You normally only notice that stuff if it’s purposefully malicious. Dick just does it because he’s lazy.
→→→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
Oh.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Because Jason’s being a little bitch, he can go next.
“Who’s gonna stop me? The Geneva Suggestions?” - @JasonPTodd-Wayne
Replies 17M Retweets 14M Likes 24M Views 32M
→ Greased Lightning ✓@GreenLantern
Do…Do I want to know?
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Not at all.
→→→ Greased Lightning ✓@GreenLantern
Understandable, have a good day.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“You look like you just started enlightenment and then got immediately pulled back down” - @DamianWaynealGhul
Replies 17M Retweets 20M Likes 30M Views 38M
→ E=MC Hammer ✓@The Flash
Rapture who? I always knew that kid would be funny, holy hell.
→ Both Direction and Magnitude ✓@RoyHarper
God that little demon can be funny sometimes, who woulda guessed. Don’t tell him I said that.
→→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
If you didn’t want me to know, maybe you shouldn’t have put it on social media, Harper.
→→→ Both Direction and Magnitude ✓@RoyHarper
Ah fuck. Tell Jason and Lian I love them!
→→→→ Red, Dead, No Redemption ✓@JasonPTodd-Wayne
I love you too, but you won’t be missed. This is a hell of your own making Roy.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“This is important! They’re my pencil case husbands!” - @CassandraWayne
(This was signed using ASL, so this is a rough translation)
Replies 26M Retweets 21M Likes 29M Views 33M
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Cassandra is already my favourite Wayne but this is just proving that I’m right in my decisions.
→→ Angel of Thursday ✓@CassandraWayne
Well you’re my favourite non-Wayne!
→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Oh she’s awesome. I have to agree with my girlfriend. Best Wayne right there.
→→ Angel of Thursday ✓@CassandraWayne
I think agreeing with your girlfriend is the best course of action. She seems to be right about most things.
→→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Right you are, Miss Wayne. I didn’t fall in love with her for nothing. (Though there are a lot of other reasons I love her as well)
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“Christian Jesus is just a quirked up white boy who got goated in the sauce” - @BruceWayne
(Raised Catholic btw)
Replies 41M Retweets 46M Likes 38M Views 49M
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
As someone who was also raised Catholic. I’m going to have to agree with Bruce on this one. Although the Gen Z slang is scaring me. Can he go back to his weirdly formal syntax, please?
→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Yeah… The slang’s not right. But other than that, he’s dead on.
→→ Illegally Blonde ✓@StephanieBrown
Yeah. It’s um. It’s something, huh?
→ Elf Overlord @AViking&A50sHouseWife
Not the slang 😭😭 Brucie please. What are you doing.
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
Don’t worry, he’s already been torn into by us kids 😂
Farming Equipment @NFHarrow
If you’d told me two weeks ago i’d be reading that Bruce Thomas Wayne said the words “quirked up white boy who got goated in the sauce”, I’d have questioned whether you’d been dosed with Joker Venom. But now I’m questioning whether I’ve been dosed because I’m two more of Bruce’s quotes away from thinking I spent the evening chilling in a vat of it, side by side with the Joker.
Replies 12k Retweets 8k Likes 18k Views 20k
→ Pete @Parkour!
Something, something, that happened to my friend Y/N once.
→→ Farming Equipment @NFHarrow
😭
→ Elf Overlord @AViking&A50sHouseWife
Have we finally found something the Supernatural fandom doesn’t have a GIF for? Cause I feel like, out of anything, this unique set of words has to be it.
→→ Wade @FourthWallWho
→→→ Elf Overlord @AViking&A50sHouseWife
FUCK! HOW!?
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“I don’t usually wish death upon people, but there are some obituaries that I would take great joy in reading” - Alfred Pennyworth
Replies 27M Retweets 38M Likes 40M Views 44M
→ Wade @FourthWallWho
Best Wayne. Hands down. Lady Cassandra comes close, but I do fancy an older man. I also agree with what he said too, but I feel that’s less important.
→→ Pete @Parkour!
Wade, I’m literally younger than you.
→→→ Wade @FourthWallWho
Awww, Baby Boy! You don’t count sweetie, you’re special!
→→→→ Pete @Parkour!
Thanks Wade. Love you too.
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
God I hope Alfred never sees this response.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“As one of those babies that got dipped in the sauce that Jesus got quirked up in, I knew you'd appreciate that.” - @JasonPTodd-Wayne
(To B. B was Baptised.)
Replies 24M Retweets 17M Likes 26M Views 30M
→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
I too got dipped in the sauce and now I wanna know what he said
→→ Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
If I’m not mistaken, it was something along the lines of “Canon Jesus is a Bop, Fanon Jesus is a Discord kitten.”
→→→ I’ll Happily Dig Your Grave @JCGraves
Oh. My. God. He’s so right tho. That’s fucking hilarious. @Knightingale
→→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
… That’s the best thing I’ve seen all week. Oh my god. 😂
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
"Why are you lying on the floor?" - @DamianWaynealGhul
"I'm having an episode, but I don't know if it's a beach episode, a manic episode, or a depressive episode yet." - @CassandraWayne
(Once again, ASL, so rough translation)
Replies 19.5M Retweets 24M Likes 32M Views 36M
→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
Oh dear, she just gets better and better.
→→ Dr Dolittle ✓@DamianWaynealGhul
Indeed. That’s why we all say Cassandra is our favourite sibling.
→→→ Oh Flo @Knightingale
I’d hope so. She’s a riot.
Suck My Richard ✓@DickGrayson-Wayne
“I can speak” - @BruceWayne
“You can?” - @TimDrake-Wayne
“This is my second language, how can you tell?” - @BruceWayne
Replies 29M Retweets 22M Likes 37M Views 40M
→ Jimminy Cricket @JimmyOlsen
Second language? What’s his first?
→→ Dim Wrake-Tayne ✓@TimDrake-Wayne
French. His mother was born in Nice, France and her and his father wanted B to speak French fluently, so it ended up being his first language.
→Oh Flo @Knightingale
Oh cool! My native language is also French! When did he end up learning English?
→→ Tall, Dark, And Beyond Help ✓@BruceWayne
According to Alfred, I would’ve been about 4-5 when I first started officially learning, although I had picked up some words prior to that.