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Things are different. Datu knows it. Jae knows it. There are just too many secrets between them that are growing like an ever widening crack. It's agonizing.
But, in moments like these, Jae can still pretend that everything is okay.
Jae whined, body tensing as Datu worked two fingers into him, curling and spreading them as he worked to open him up. Jae tossed his head back, baring his throat as Datu left kisses and marks on his neck.
"Unf— Datu!" Jae gasped as Datu slipped another finger alongside the others. He buried his fingers in Datu's hair, fingers tangling in the brown strands and unsure whether to pull his partner closer or to tug him away as Datu continued to pump his fingers in and out and in and out of Jae's hole.
"So pretty," Datu says, lips trailing lower and lower. "Jae… you always make such pretty noises."
In that same moment, Datu pressed his fingers insistently against his prostrate as his lips engulfed one of his nipples; teeth biting gently into his skin and tongue swirling around his nipple. Jae's chest heaved upwards in a sharp gasp and Datu groaned against him when Jae pulled at his hair.
In moments like this, Jae can pretend that nothing has changed between them. That Datu was right to suspect the Brigade, to suspect him, of harboring the Avatars. That he hasn't joined the White Lotus and that he isn't keeping this massive secret from the man he loves. That, even before Datu had admitted that he's afraid, Jae hasn't been drowning in his own guilt and the weight of the secrets he's keeping.
Sometimes, he thinks of telling Datu everything. Of the girls, the Order, everything if only to try and assuage his fears. But Jae can't— can't endanger the girls like that or everyone else in the Order and he's so scared that it'll make everything worse between him and Datu and he can't take that chance either. He doesn't want to lose what they still have. The weight of Datu above and against him, his voice as he whispers his praises about how good he sounds, at how well he takes him, the feel of his lips as he kisses him. The strength in his arms that belies the gentleness in his hands when he brushes Jae's hair and how kind he is to everyone around him.
Jae nearly sobs at losing at what's already fracturing.
Datu surges suddenly, fingers ripping themselves out and leaving him empty, hole clenching around nothing, and capturing Jae's mouth in a sudden, bruising kiss. Jae gasps into his mouth as Datu grips his thighs to spread his legs wider to better fit in between them. His cock grinds against the cleft of his ass and Jae's own erection, steadily dripping pre-cum, found itself trapped in between their torsos.
"Hmff, hahh, Da-Datu," Jae whimpers, rolling his hips to try and entice his boyfriend to take him. "Please?"
"Why should I?" Datu asks. "Seems like I lost you for a second. You're not thinking about anything else are you?"
Jae shakes his head frantically, hands gripping Datu's broad shoulders. "No! It's just you. It's always you."
It's the one truthful thing that he's told him in weeks. Because it is the truth. Because Jae is always thinking of Datu, just like he knows Datu is always thinking of him. Datu's eyes bore into his and Jae cups Datu's face to kiss him instead. Unable to keep looking into them and fearing he'll spill the truth about everything. Their lips slide together and he lets Datu slip his tongue into his mouth as the tip of his cock teased the entrance of his hole.
"Please, Datu? I'm so empty." Jae's face burns at the words, but he needs Datu to know that he wants him. He always wants him. This is still theirs and Jae wants to stay in this moment. "Please? Fuck me, Datu, please. Until I can't think of anything else except for you."
Datu curses. "Fuck, Jae—" and Jae cries out as Datu impales him on his cock in one, smooth thrust. Jae scrambles for purchase, the sheets of their bed, Datu's shoulders as Datu sets an immediate, punishing pace. Hips smacking against his ass with such, obscene plap plap plap noises that it makes his face burn. All he feels is the feeling of Datu pistoning in and out of him with such vigor it leaves him breathless. The shape and thickness of Datu's cock is all he can feel as he he struggles to hang on for dear life.
"You want me to fuck you? Fine. Take it Jae, take it and don't think of anything else but me," Datu grunts, hands gripping Jae's thighs so hard he's sure that'll leave bruises. Jae only moans louder at the thought.
"P-please, ah! Ah!, Datuuuu—!" Jae grips Datu's shoulders tightly, nails digging into the skin. He can barely focus, with how hard Datu is fucking him, with how he's crushed underneath Datu's body and held still as Datu uses him to his hearts content. His legs bounced in the air, spread open to accommodate Datu and how deep he's going. Gods, Jae can practically feel him in his stomach and rearranging his guts. Jae's own cock is stuck between their bodies, hard and aching for relief, but Jae doesn't even think he can get a hand between them to relieve it; afraid he'll lose his grip.
Jae scrambles when he's suddenly flipped over onto his front, landing face first into his pillow with an 'oof!'. Datu, who had slipped out to flip him, slid back home and returned to his punishing pace before Jae could even get regain his bearings.
"Fffuuaahh!" Jae gasped out, hands gripping the sheets in tight fists.
"You won't leave right Jae?" Datu gasps, hands now gripping his waist, keeping it up as the rest of his body laid bonelessly on the bed. "You won't, right?"
Normally, Jae would've thought that he will, if the Haven finds out about Nisha and Pavi, and how he would choose them. Choose them over the Haven, over Datu, and that kills him no matter how many times he'd choose to do it all over again, but his brain can barely string together a coherent thought with how thoroughly he's being fucked.
"Uh-uh!" Jae shakes his head frantically. "Ah! I'll stay. Always with you."
Datu wraps his arms around him, body leaning heavily against Jae's as he ruts into him like a feral animal.
"Good…" Datu gasps. "I'll make sure you can't run. That you'll have no choice but to stay." One of Datu's hands rests right over his belly and Jae cries out at the thought of Datu knocking him up and getting him pregnant.
"Pleasepleaseplease…" Jae says, words slurring together. "'M so close."
Datu grunts, kissing the shell of ear. His thrusts are more erratic, less rhythmic the closer he gets to his own release.
"Datu, ahhh, pleeeasee-uh!" Datu wrapped one hand around Jae's aching cock and he was gone.
His orgasm swept over him like a tsunami. His toes curled, breath catching in his lungs as his mouth dropped open in a soundless scream and his brain fogged. Jae went boneless, Datu's grip on his waist the only thing holding him up, as Datu finished inside him, Jae, moaning quietly as he was filled with Datu's cum.
For a long moment, there was nothing but the sounds of their heavy panting and the sweat cooling on their skin. Datu slid out gently and Jae whimpered at the feeling and the way Datu's cum started to seep from his hole and down his thighs. Datu maneuvered them so they avoided the puddle of cum that Jae had dripped onto the bed and laid on his back so Jae could flop over his chest and bury his face in his shoulder.
It was quiet for another moment before Datu started to run gentle fingers through Jae's messy brown hair, gently working out any tangles. "… we should probably get cleaned up."
Jae thinks he might have made a sound of agreement or an unintelligible grunt, but neither of them moved to do so. They continued to lay there, basking in each other's presence and touch. His heart rate is starting to slow down as the high of his orgasm started to fade, and with it, the noise that had kept his worries and guilt away.
Jae pressed a gentle kiss to Datu's shoulder. "I love you."
The words, while sincere even now, still feel like a bandage that had been put open a gaping wound. Datu knows that Jae is still hiding secrets and Jae knows that Datu's trust in the Brigade wavered. Things are different and they both know it.
But Datu still wraps his arms around him, holding him close like something precious. "I love you too, Jae."
Things are different and Jae knows it's only a matter of time before the storm that looms in the future reaches their shores and they might not be strong enough to weather it. His love for Datu hasn't changed, it might not ever, and that's what scares him the most. For now, Jae still has these moments with Datu and he'll relish them for as long as the world lets him.