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It wasn’t that Cassian didn’t know how to have fun – he did, honestly, he knew how to have fun – it was just that now was not the right time to have the sort of fun that Jyn was attempting. She was too loose and silly, especially considering that they were here on a very serious mission. But then Cassian was a seasoned spy who had been through everything and anything while Jyn was more or less a civilian being thrust into this spy role to find her father.
He just didn’t understand how she could drink straight out of a bottle of tequila and hop around the room when they would be hunting down the whereabouts of a man that was creating a super weapon for terrorists. Maybe that was how she was coping with the news of her estranged father’s doings. She was hiding, deflecting, pretending that it didn’t bother her. Still, he wished she could do those things quietly.
The music was louder than it should be, though just barely low enough to keep her from disturbing the other guests. He wondered if Solo could hear her dancing around the room below them in his suite. Maybe the man wouldn’t be able to get any sleep. Cassian wouldn’t mind that.
“Are you sure you don’t want to a drink?” Jyn asked from behind, draping her arms over his shoulders as she leaned against the back of the chair. The tequila bottle swung dangerously close to his face, nearly clipping him, and he caught a terrible whiff of the alcohol. It smelled like home and death. “It’s very boring to drink alone.”
“Then perhaps you should stop drinking,” Cassian pointed out, pushing the liquor away from his face.
Jyn harrumphed and slid off of him, allowing him to breathe again. It had been the smell of the liquor that had gotten to him, not her close proximity or her perfume. It was not like it had been a long time since he had been with a woman. He’d been with women before. He knew how to have fun. Not that it mattered, of course. If it had been Solo up here, the two of them would’ve probably already been romping in bed together.
Not that Cassian cared. He was very serious about his job. He was a professional. He did not do things that might jeopardize a mission. Draven would have his head if Cassian did something as careless as sleep with an asset. It had been a very long time since Solo had had to answer to anyone after breaking ties with the government and his old mob boss. And Jyn, who had only ever answered to herself and the bleak existence of the Berlin Wall, was even worse. She was wild and unpredictable, the complete opposite of him.
(Or so he told himself. The outbursts were nothing. They barely came anymore. He was getting better.)
Finally, unable to take it anymore, unable to ignore Jyn dancing in front of him in her pajamas, Cassian stood up and announced, “I am going to bed.”
Jyn sashayed towards him, her socks gliding on the carpet. “One dance before you go if you won’t drink with me?”
“I think you have had enough to drink,” Cassian told her as he plucked the bottle out of her hand and set it down on the table behind her. “It is time for bed. We have an early morning tomorrow. We are meeting a man who worked with your father and might know where he is.”
“One dance,” Jyn insisted, snatching one of his hands out of the air. She took his hand in both of her own, closing her eyes and swaying to the beat. It was very off balance and not rhythmic at all and yet he found his eyes glued to her nonetheless. He would have to put her in dangerous situations; he would have to watch her carefully; he would have to protect her. (Until her father was found.) But she did not make it easy for him.
Especially not when she abruptly shoved him and caused him to stagger backwards into the couch, nearly flipping it over.
“You’re a terrible dancer,” she informed him.
“I was not dancing!” Cassian exclaimed as he gathered his balance. He jumped to his feet, glaring at her, but she glared at him right back. It didn’t matter to her that he was taller than her, physically stronger, and maybe carrying. He knew when someone wanted to fight. He could see it in their eyes, as he saw it in hers now. She looked very dangerous.
“Maybe you’re a better fighter than a dancer.”
“Jyn,” Cassian warned, but then she was rushing him. This time, when she crashed into him and he fell back into the couch, it was flipped over, sending the both of them sprawling and rolling on the floor. “Jyn!”
But she didn’t listen. Instead she crawled back up to attack him again. She was too angry – no, she was too upset. She was trying to hide how hurt and scared she was by twisting it into anger. She was acting out blindly. This was her father. It was terrifying and unknown territory for her. He didn’t want to hurt her, so her took her blows, blocked her when he could, and finally picked her up when she wouldn’t stop. She was kicking and hitting and managed to get a solid thwack on his head, making him fall. Luckily, they fell on the edge of the bed and he didn’t fall right on top of her, so they bounced off and landed hard on the floor with her on top of him.
She was staring down at him, breathing heavily, tears threatening in her eyes, but then slumped against him. Though almost her full weight was on him, she wasn’t heavy or cumbersome. Without thinking, despite the fact that she had been trying to pummel him moments ago, his arms wrapped around her. She didn’t cry or even make a noise; just laid there on top of him.
“You didn’t even try,” Jyn said, her voice muffled in the crook of his neck. Her breath was hot as her lips barely brushed against his skin when she spoke.
“I did not want to hurt you,” Cassian told her gently.
“Have you hurt a lot of people?”
Cassian didn’t even hesitate to answer. “Yes.” It was the job. He did what he was ordered to do, even the messy things. He had stopped asking questions a long time ago. All that mattered was the mission.
“Then what’s one more?”
Her voice was tired, almost defeated, and it tugged at him in a way he could not remember ever feeling before. He slowly sat up, awkwardly as she was still lying against him, but she didn’t move. It took some time and uncomfortable maneuvering, but he was able to get on his feet with her arms wrapped around his neck. He carried her to her bed, laying her down in it. She had to still be awake, from the way she’d clung to him as he’d stood, but she kept her eyes closed as she rolled over.
Cassian sighed as he stood up straight and rubbed his jaw where one of her punches had landed. All that mattered was the mission. And Jyn. She mattered to him as well.