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The heat was rising around Jesse. It was closing in around the collar of his shirt, against his cheek and in his head. He was so nervous that he could barely form words.
Yet something in him had agreed to this, to this plan. He was risking everything for this, even though Mike had begged him not to. But Saul would get caught and Mr. White… he couldn’t trust Mr. White with this. He hated Mike; who knew what he might do?
So he was going to find him, he was going to give him this bag and then wherever Mike went, Jesse was going to go, too.
What if Mike wouldn’t let him come along? There was that one last doubt, nagging at Jesse’s heart. What if Mike had only been pretending to like him, but didn’t want to be burdened by Jesse during his great escape?
Maybe that would be worse than getting caught. No, no, nothing could be worse than failing Mike. Even being discarded by him.
He drove to the spot and opened the door before he’d even finished parking the car. It was deserted, and for a moment he was afraid that Mike wouldn’t even be here, that something horrible had gotten to him first.
Mike appeared as if from behind a cloud, sending sparks of light into Jesse’s eyes.
“Here’s the bag,” Jesse said softly, holding it out. Mike wordlessly reached out to grab it, but Jesse held on. “I want to come with you.”
Mike met his eyes.
“Kid, you don’t…”
“There isn’t anything left, Mike. Take me with you. Wherever you’re going, I don’t care. But I can’t lose touch with you, not forever. You’re… you’re too important.”
Mike’s face twisted into a frown.
“But what about Kaylee? Who would keep an eye on her for me?”
Jesse looked down at the ground. That was one consideration he hadn’t thought of. But at his core, maybe Jesse was selfish.
“We can check in on her. My friends… They could. Maybe Andrea. Make sure she gets that money. We can get her that money again. We could send it… Just… just take me with you, Mike. After all this, after Drew Sharp… I can’t stay here.”
Mike put his hand on his shoulder and sighs.
“Kid… I told you to get out of town so many times that… I owe you this one. But once you get in, there’s no looking back.”
***
It was a tiny little house out in the middle of nowhere, in a deserted corner of Guadalajara, Mexico. It had its fair share of termites, and it smelled oddly whenever it rained, but Jesse and Mike called it home.
The bed they shared was a soft one, fitted with a big warm comforter that they only needed to sleep under in the winter, but loved to curl up together on during the rest of the year. Their first time together had been the night they’d arrived, with new identities and Mexican MCAS cards in the names of Vincenzo Lococco and Devin Hartwell. This room, this house, this bed were the only places where they were still Jesse and Mike.
“And you’re sure you want to try this, kid?”
“I’ve read about it,” Jesse said, breathless. “I want to feel… opened like that. I want you to open me.”
Mike rubbed at his eyes, obviously still not sure about this, as he let his eyes scan over Jesse’s naked body, lit up by the moonlight streaming in through the windows. Another hot Mexican night.
“I could hurt you.”
Jesse leaned in and pressed his lips to Mike’s cheek.
“I trust you.”
“Kid… if we do this…” Mike ventured at last, “We need to go very slow.”
“Okay,” Jesse whispered, smiling. “I don’t mind if it’s slow or fast. I just want to do it.”
Mike took a deep breath and let it out.
“I promised myself when you decided to come with me that I’d let you decide things for yourself… So I’m letting you decide on this one. But if I think you’re hurt, then I’m pulling the plug on this. You got me?”
Jesse nodded.
“Just don’t pull too fast,” he replied playfully, licking his lips. Mike rolled his eyes. The kid could straddle the line between annoying and ridiculously endearing with ease.
“Okay. Lay down and prop up your ass for me. Just like when we make love.”
Jesse followed the instructions, looking at Mike with wide, eager eyes, a little afraid but also excited.
Mike grabbed the lube off the nightstand, wordlessly slicking up his first finger, letting Jesse see everything that was going on.
“You’ve got big hands,” Jesse pointed out playfully.
“Yeah, that’s part of what I’m afraid of,” Mike replied dryly. “Spread your legs a little further for me… That’s it.”
He started to slide in the first finger, slowly moving it around as if this was Jesse’s first time and they weren’t old pros at this. They hadn’t started this adventure together as a couple; that had come later. Somehow the hugs and touches and words had become something more, until it was hard to tell where Jesse ended and Mike began.
“I’m good, Mike,” Jesse whispered with a little bit of impatience in his voice. Mike nodded and slicked the second finger, pumping them in and out and scissoring them, trying to stretch Jesse wide. Jesse moved his hips, his eyes so wide… but Mike needed the rest of him so wide, too.
Three fingers now. Jesse was panting. Pleading and bunching the comforter in his hands.
“Mike,” he whined. “Keep going.”
“You sure, kid?” The sight of Jesse before him was making Mike impossibly hard… but if he hurt the kid… if he hurt him… he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.
Jesse didn’t look hurt, however. His mouth was open with want. Still panting. Still sounds of pleasure and not of pain.
Mike pulled out and slicked up all of his fingers, pressing the thumb to his middle finger and lining up at Jesse’s entrance.
“Need you to breathe, and I need you to look right at me, okay? Don’t close your eyes. I need to tell as soon as anything might be wrong.” Jesse nodded.
“Okay, Mike,” he said, breathless. “Promise.”
Mike started to push in. Jesse stared at him, eyes even wider, and pushed back, letting him in.
“Mike,” he gasped again. The older man stopped what he was doing. “No, no Mike I’m good. I’m good. Keep going.” Mike pushed a little more, feeling Jesse open around him. “Mike, oh God…” Jesse gripped the comforter for dear life. Finally, despite all the stopping and starting, Mike found that he was in Jesse up to his wrist. The younger man’s mouth was hanging open and his eyes were almost glazed over. “Mike… Mike I can’t believe it.”
“How are you feeling, kid?” Mike asked, taking his free hand and using it to touch Jesse’s face, tracing little circles over the skin.
“I’m… it’s amazing, Mike. I feel… so stretched for you. So alive for you. I love you.” He whimpered a little, though, and Mike’s eyes narrowed in concern.
“Does this hurt, kid?”
“Kind of,” Jesse admitted, “But it feels… it’s so… I don’t even have any words to describe it. Mike.” Jesse reached up and touched the arm connected to the hand that Mike had in him. “You’re in me. Those big hands… You gonna keep going?” He shifted. “Make a fist…”
Mike kept looking into Jesse’s eyes.
“If it hurts bad, you let me know kid.” He slowly pulled his fingers in as he watched Jesse. He couldn’t totally tell whether Jesse was overcome with pleasure or pain, but his gaze was starting to fade. “Kid?” Mike touched his chin, his neck. “Stay with me, kid.”
“I’m with you,” Jesse whispered, almost in a purr. “I can’t leave you. You’re connected to me… You could just lead me around like this, couldn’t you?” He shifted again, and Mike could see that tears were in his eyes.
“I could,” Mike told him, “I’d never be lonely. But this would get a little awkward, wouldn’t it? I think I’d rather just always have you by my side. Always in my arms.” He caressed Jesse’s face again.
“Mike,” Jesse whined, lifting his head a little and shifting again. “Punch-fuck me?”
Mike shook his head.
“I’m not going to do that, kid. But I can move a little bit. You ready?”
Jesse nodded, blinking back some more tears.
The older man gently pulled back his fist a little, before slowly pushing it back in, careful not to do too much to Jesse at once considering that the kid was already tearing up. That was probably a given with this, though. He knew he couldn’t make this entire painless, but he could keep Jesse distracted enough to not totally notice.
“Hey, kid,” Mike said softly, moving his free hand to wrap around Jesse’s cock, which was starting to harden, “I’m going to make you feel really good. You like that?”
“I… already do,” Jesse breathed out. “Oh God Mike… I’m so… so wide for you. So open for you I can’t…”
“Yes you can.” Mike gave him a few strokes to get him fully ready to go, then kept with it, slowly moving his fist back and forth as he did, not coming completely out of Jesse yet. “I love you, Jesse. Always love you. So glad you came with me.”
“I always want to be with you Mike…” Jesse panted out, breathless, “I’d do anything.”
“You don’t have to,” Mike promised, “You’re mine already. And I’m yours. My beautiful blue-eyed kid.” Mike laughed. “In Mexico. The two of us in Mexico again. You’d think…” He gave him a stroke. “That we’d never want to come back.”
“I did,” Jesse breathed, “Because it reminded me of us.” He lifted his head again and stared straight at Mike, before his eyelids droop shut, no longer able to keep his promise. “Mike…” He tried to lift his chest and got about halfway up, but was cut off when he came.
“Jesse,” Mike whispered, stroking him gently through the climax. “I love you.”
Jesse collapsed against the bed, his eyes still shut as if he were asleep.
“Going to pull out now, Jesse. Okay? Try and stay as still as you can.” He moved his hand from the fist back into the previous position, which earned a tired moan from Jesse. Then he started to pull back, listening as the kid grunted and shifted again, letting out little yelps of protest.
With one final pull – and one big yelp from Jesse – he was out. He’d need to wash his hands and wash up Jesse too, but first he had to make sure he was okay.
“You alright, kid?”
Jesse opened his eyes again and looked at Mike, a nervous and slightly pained smile crossing his face.
“I’m always alright when I’m with you, Mike.”