It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing

by superhoney

Summary:

Dean’s life has always been dictated by duty rather than by need. So when Amara offers to give him the thing he needs most, he doesn’t know what to expect, but it certainly isn’t this: a chance to rest, some time away from his life and his burdens. Now he’s trapped in an enchanted sleep, unable to bring himself back to the waking world.

It’s up to Sam and Castiel to gather the components of a spell that will bring Dean back to them. Through road trips, honest conversations, and a lot of patience, they’ll make sure Dean comes home. And when he does, maybe he and Castiel will finally have a chance to act on long-buried feelings brought to the surface by their enforced separation.

Canon-divergent from the end of 11.23.

Notes:

This is my entry for the DeanCas Pinefest Challenge 2017.

Thank you to my incredible artist, entirely-the-wrong-sort, who went so far beyond the challenge requirements and created the gorgeous art throughout this story. I'm still overwhelmed by it. You can find their art masterpost here.

Thank you to Anna, my beta, for encouragement and advice and finding all my single quotation marks and tirelessly correcting them.

And thank you to the challenge mods for their dedication, their support, and their enthusiasm.

Note: I'm not from the U.S, so any driving directions/distances are courtesy of Google Maps. If I got it wrong, blame them.

Chapter 1

It never gets any easier, the end of the world.

You’d think that by this time around, their past successes would give Dean a measure of confidence in their ability to keep the world turning. But no. Walking into that garden, all those souls held within his chest, waiting to be set free-- it’s just as daunting as the first time they set out to fix a catastrophic situation that they could be held at least partially responsible for.

But then something happens that has never happened before.

It turns out that Dean isn’t the hero, or the martyr. He’s just a witness. A witness to the mind-boggling spectacle of capital-G God and his friggin’ sister, talking over their difficult history and coming to an accord. If nothing else, it reminds him why he and Sam have always been able to get through the worst of their crap. Siblings, man.

But when Amara turns to him and smiles, he still flinches slightly. He won’t ever be comfortable under her gaze, even if he doesn’t feel threatened by her any longer.

“You’ve given me what I needed most,” she tells him, and he’s never heard her sound so-- human, he supposes. “I want to do the same for you.”

He’s about to protest, to wave away her offer-- after all, he’d really rather just go home and try to forget that this whole mess ever happened. But she’s a primordial force, and when she sets her mind to something, there’s no changing it.

“I insist,” she says, her eyes wide as she considers him, less predatory than before but still somewhat alarming. Chuck doesn’t seem perturbed, at least, standing by her side, so small in comparison that Dean would laugh under other circumstances.

“I don’t need anything,” Dean says roughly.

She arches an eyebrow at him, amused, and he flushes. Sure, there are things he wants: not having to worry about money ever again would be nice, for a start. Maybe she could heal all his aches and pains, the ones that never seem to go away, or she could give them some handy spells to keep the everyday monsters under control.

But those aren’t things that he needs. And they both know it.

A slow smile spreads across her face, and she steps forward. Chuck still watches benevolently, which is the only reason Dean doesn’t turn and run. After all they’ve been through, he doesn’t think Chuck would let Amara hurt him.

She stretches out one hand towards him, and Dean closes his eyes. “Rest,” she says softly, and then everything goes black.