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When Levi finds Erwin, it is purely by accident.
He watches Erwin as he hefts some hay onto a feeder, right shirt-sleeve blowing loosely in the breeze. The discomfort of using his left arm is no longer noticeable. Erwin strokes his horse on the nose as it huffs happily into his palm, and his expression is soft and content, years of peace finally smoothing away the harsh lines on his face. His already blonde hair is bleached golden by the sun, untamed and ruffled by wind and seawater.
For a split second, Levi almost doesn’t recognize him.
Before Levi has a chance to tear his eyes away and turn around, Erwin looks up.
His eyes have never been bluer.
--
Erwin’s place is tiny, but roomy and cozy enough for one person. It’s a bit of a mess inside, dirty dishes on the kitchen sink, scattered books on the floor, and windowsills that haven’t been cleaned for at least a couple of months; however, it has that quaint charm that a small house by the sea would have.
In one corner, collecting dust and long faded from the sunlight, is Erwin’s Scouting Legion uniform and bolo tie.
“What brings you to this area?”
Levi looks down at the cup of tea placed before him, stares at the cracks and chips that speckle the rim. He simply replies, “Wanderlust.”
Laughing heartily—freely, Levi thinks—Erwin says, “I’m sure that’s the general attitude nowadays.” He looks out the window. “Who wouldn’t want to explore the world beyond the walls?”
Levi follows Erwin’s gaze and falls upon gray-beige sand, green islands, speckled mountains—all surrounded by the impossibly blue sea, and he thinks to himself how he has seen this sight before him countless times in the past five years, and yet—he somehow still feels unfulfilled. He wonders why.
“It’s beautiful,” Levi says honestly, because it is. It’s all he is able to admit to Erwin.
Later that night, they have a humble dinner of potato stew and bread that Erwin has prepared, conversation stilted and awkward still. Levi feels like there should be questions asked—such as, ‘How have you been?’ ‘What were you doing all these years?’ ‘Is there anyone you keep in touch with?’—but instead they talk about the old fisherman who lives a mile down the shore; who used to reside as a wealthy man in Stohess and now lives with his dog in solitude; who remembers Erwin from his days as a commander and occasionally brings over the extra fish.
They wash the dishes in silence and afterwards, they walk barefoot down to the shore to watch the sunset. Erwin doesn’t bring towels or blankets, so they just sit on the sand, and to Levi’s surprise, he finds that he doesn’t really care.
“It’s starting,” Erwin says eagerly, as if Levi has never watched the sun set before.
Levi has lost count of how many times he has watched the blazing sun disappear before the sea.
But this is the first time that he isn’t watching it alone.
They return an hour later when the stars come out, bringing sand into the house but Erwin doesn’t seem to mind at all.
Instead, he gives Levi a spare toothbrush and a towel and allows him to use his bath. Levi spends a good ten minutes trying to figure out the knobs on the tub and the water ends up being a little too hot, but he feels truly clean for the first time in a while. He uses a little too much of Erwin’s chamomile soap and hopes that Erwin won’t notice.
They end up sharing Erwin’s tiny futon bed, Levi wedged up against the wall on his side, his back pressed up against Erwin’s. It’s damn uncomfortable but Levi’s exhausted, so he falls asleep to the scent of salty waves and the sound of Erwin’s even breathing next to him.
He dreams of the conversation they had before parting ways five years ago, but when he wakes up, he will not remember having dreamed at all.
--
The next morning, Levi begins cleaning Erwin’s house.
“I see old habits die hard,” Erwin says fondly.
“Your house is filthy,” grunts Levi, scrubbing away an old tea stain off the floor. “I can’t be a guest in a filthy house.”
Erwin beams and says nothing more. Instead he turns to the cupboards and rummages around for something before pulling out a jar of white flour.
“I taught myself how to make pancakes. Would you like some?”
“Sure,” Levi answers, spraying more solution onto the stain. “Just don’t get flour on the countertop, I just cleaned it.”
“You know I know better than that, Levi,” says Erwin, spilling some onto the countertop anyway.
Levi glowers at the mess, but lets it go only after eating the best pancakes he’s ever eaten in his life.
--
A week has gone by.
Levi realizes this while hanging laundry outside with Erwin one day. He stares at the shirt Erwin has just passed him, and it’s Levi’s favorite top, thin and threadbare around the edges. He absently wonders just how it has already been a week.
“Something wrong, Levi?” Erwin asks, gently.
He snaps out of his reverie, shakes his head in response. He hangs his shirt next to Erwin’s and decides then that he shouldn’t be taking advantage of Erwin’s generous hospitality anymore. He’ll leave soon, and go back to traveling because after all, that’s what he’s wanted his entire life—to live the world beyond the walls after being caged within them for so long. He fought the titans so that he may see for himself what the birds were able to see and one day, he will observe it all, but he won’t if he keeps on staying here.
So he tells Erwin just that, as he helps dry the dishes later that night.
Erwin passes him another plate, face impassive and simply says, “Okay.”
Levi nods, appeased, and they wash the rest of the dishes in silence.
While lying on the cramped bed and drifting off to sleep, Levi tells himself that he will leave first thing in the morning.
When morning comes, Levi doesn’t leave and Erwin makes him pancakes again.
--
Somehow, they fall into a comfortable routine.
Most days, Levi cleans and organizes around the house and doesn’t allow Erwin to help; so instead Erwin reads the books he’s collected during his days as a commander but never had time to enjoy. Then at dinnertime (which Erwin prepares because they soon find out that Levi is actually a terrible cook), he gives Levi a vivid account of what he’s read that day and Levi listens ardently, the stories about sorcerers and parallel universes and animals that could speak. When they run out of food or cleaning supplies, they take Erwin’s horse, Eden, and ride into the nearby town where Levi haggles with store owners while Erwin sifts through the shelves at the bookstores.
Some days, they laze around in the mornings with several cups of tea and take long walks along the shore in the afternoons, where Levi collects strange little things called seashells. They tread with sand spilling between their bare toes until Levi’s carefully combed hair becomes just as disheveled as Erwin’s.
Other days, they take Erwin’s boat and paddle their way into the sea to go fishing. They never catch anything most of the time, but when they do, they light up the night sky with a small fire by the shore to roast their fish over, their smiles brighter than the flames themselves.
And sometimes Erwin breaks their routine and wakes Levi up early in the morning to go sightseeing, and they pack some lunch and take Eden to wherever place Erwin chooses for that day. Levi never tells him that he’s already seen them all—the waterfalls, the caverns, the white dandelion fields—and instead, lets Erwin breathlessly explain to him what each of them are in detail.
But if there’s one thing in their routine that never changes, it’s that every day, they watch the sunset together.
--
Three months has passed, but this time Levi doesn’t notice.
--
“Where are we going today?”
Erwin hauls something out from his shed while Levi is still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He triumphantly holds up two boat paddles and Levi groans.
“I haven’t even done laundry yet,” Levi complains, stifling a yawn. “I’m not going fishing in my underwear.”
And so Levi ends up borrowing one of Erwin’s shirts and a pair of his old drawstring shorts, and he looks so ridiculous wearing them that Erwin just laughs and laughs as Levi half-heartedly gives him the middle finger.
They don’t fish. Instead they each take a paddle and start rowing to a nearby island, which takes forever, and Levi’s arms are about to fall off, but he figures he doesn’t have any right to complain when Erwin’s rowing with only one.
When they finally reach the island, Levi finds the largest spider he’s ever seen in his life, and he screams like a banshee and curses Erwin for bringing him to such a place. They unsuccessfully try to kick wet sand over it, and Levi has to bite his lips from smiling when he sees that Erwin looks a little green himself. In the end, they sacrifice one of their cups and capture the spider underneath it.
While Levi collects more seashells, Erwin picks some wild berries Levi has never seen before. Erwin feeds one to a very reluctant Levi—“Are you sure these aren’t poisonous”—who ends up eating at least twenty of them, and then makes Erwin help him pick all the berries they can find to bring back to the house.
They eat their sandwiches side by side, sharing a single cup of tea, keeping one cautious eye on the overturned cup housing the spider. In the distance, Levi can see Erwin’s house, and Eden grazing the field around her. Even further down the shore, he sees a tiny dot, who he believes may be the old man from Stohess fishing on his boat, but he can’t be sure.
He thinks that the world is so inconceivably large, and hopelessly wonders just how he’ll be able to see it all.
After lunch, Erwin takes a peek under the cup, only to find the spider gone. Taking that as their cue to leave, they make a wild run for their boat.
When they return home later that evening, both their noses burnt pink and lips stained a berry purple, they are so exhausted that they skip dinner in favor of going to bed early.
Levi dreams about goodbyes that night, but won’t remember when morning comes.
--
Erwin is trying to stuff a pillow into an overfilled backpack with his foot when Levi returns from feeding Eden one night.
“What the hell are you doing?” Levi asks warily.
Erwin turns to him sheepishly, now struggling to close the bursting bag. “Remember that cliff we passed by a few weeks ago?” Levi nods, recalling those towering cliffs that seemed even higher than the walls themselves. “Well, Mr. Thompson told me there’s a pathway we can take to reach the top. We’ll take Eden.”
Suddenly the bag springs back open from the pressure, spilling the contents onto the floor. Erwin sighs in defeat.
Levi eyes the blankets and pillows dubiously before picking them up. “Are we sleeping there or something?”
“Yeah,” Erwin replies, and then looking pleased with himself, he adds, “Right underneath the stars.”
“You’re so strange, you know that?” Levi mutters under his breath before helping Erwin repack their bag.
The ride up to the cliff top is long and winding, with only the sliver of light from the moon allowing them to see in the dark. It’s now past their bedtime, and Levi’s tired so he rests his head against Erwin’s back, watching the world before him pass by in dark silhouettes. He can see the stretch of the sea below, shimmering in the moonlight.
“Tired?” Erwin asks.
“Maybe,” Levi answers, closing his eyes.
“Sorry, we’re almost there.”
“We’d better,” Levi grumbles, and he feels Erwin’s soft laughter vibrate through him.
When they finally reach the top, Erwin rustles Levi awake. He opens his bleary eyes, climbs off Eden and then stares into nothing.
“Well, this is anticlimactic. We can’t see shit.”
“Look up, Levi.”
So Levi does.
They are resting their weary heads on the pillows, sharing a single blanket between them. Nearby, Eden sleeps, having dozed off a long time ago. The ground is hard and bumpy, and Levi thinks there are pebbles digging into his back, but he doesn’t mind; not when they are able to lie here, watching the flickering stars above them, brighter than they’ve ever seen them before.
“Think we’ll be able to see what’s up there one day?” Erwin asks.
“Don’t be stupid,” he says. “As if we could ever go up into space.”
“You never know,” replies Erwin.
“I understand you’ve always been a bit of an optimist, but that’s just preposterous.”
“We’ve seen the sea, haven’t we?”
And Levi thinks then that the night sky is just like the sea, both twinkling refractions of lights amidst a seemingly endless surface, and he stares at a particularly bright star in the distance, wondering just how far away it is from them. If what the books Erwin reads are true, then there may actually be an infinite number of stars in the universe and the thought makes him reel. He’s only just barely tackled the world beyond the walls—he can’t even imagine millions of others up in space.
“Let’s just focus on this world, Erwin,” Levi groans, his head hurting, and from the corner of his vision, he sees the flash of white from Erwin’s smile.
The silence settles in comfortably and they begin to drift off. Right before Levi falls asleep, he feels Erwin pulling up the blanket over them.
--
One evening, they start building a sand sculpture of the walls while waiting for the sun to set.
Building the mounds for the three walls doesn’t take long, but then they begin adding other details—crude representations of the outer districts, the Forest of Giant Trees, the Scouting Legion headquarters, Eren’s basement—until the setting sun is long forgotten behind them.
“And here’s us,” Erwin says, standing up to walk a few feet away from the outermost sand-wall and dropping a pebble in the general area.
“I don’t think that’s an accurate scale. We’re definitely further away than that,” Levi points out.
“Hmm, you’re probably right.” He then looks out towards the sea. “Huh. We missed the sunset today.”
Levi turns to look at the dimming sky, vivid orange now fading into a deep indigo. “So it seems,” he replies, turning back to place a small clamshell somewhere within the Capitol’s slums, burying it under the sand.
In his peripherals, he sees Erwin walking away. Levi assumes they are done for the night and before getting up, he allows himself a moment to appreciate their recreation of what was once their home. Strangely, it feels like it’s been a century since living within those walls.
As Levi stands up, Erwin suddenly whips around, makes a mad dash towards Levi’s direction—
“Wait, what are—
—And tramples over their sand sculpture.
Levi stares at the wrecked mess of wet sand in disbelief. He’s rendered speechless, jaw unhinged and doesn’t understand why Erwin is grinning like he’s just played the greatest joke on the planet.
“What the hell, Erwin, we worked hard on that!” Levi exclaims, once he is able to find his voice again. “What are you, a damn child?”
“No,” Erwin says, slowly, like Levi is the dense one here. “I was being a titan.”
The silence is deafening as Levi stares stone-faced at Erwin.
Five years after humanity’s freedom, during the entire time Levi has stayed here, they have never once mentioned the titans, as if it was some sort of an unspoken taboo subject. But here they are, standing by the shore, Erwin making a joke pretending to be one, their sculpture an unrecognizable mess of sand, pebbles and clamshells beneath their feet and everything in this situation is just so absurd and surreal—
And Levi bursts out laughing. He actually crouches down, doubles over, and laughs until his cheeks start to hurt, until he begins to feel his belly cramping. His laughter echoes with the waves and he’s rubbing away a tear from the corner of his eye when he looks up and notices Erwin staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. His laughter fades away then, and he suddenly feels self-conscious.
“What?” Levi bristles. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Nothing, it’s just—it’s the first time I’ve ever seen you laugh like that.”
Levi still doesn’t know what to think of the look Erwin is giving him, so he shifts his eyes towards the ruined sand sculpture below instead. He mutters softly, “Only you would notice something stupid like that.”
Erwin huffs out a soft laughter before offering his hand. “Want to go back in?”
“Yeah,” Levi responds. He lets Erwin pull him up and they walk back to the house together.
--
Levi dreams that very night.
He is packing up his scant belongings when he hears someone enter his room.
“Leaving so soon?”
He folds up his uniform neatly and smoothes it down, fingers hesitating over the Scouting Legion emblem.
“You bet.”
Erwin appears next to Levi, watching him pack away his uniform out of view. They wordlessly gaze outside, sees the celebration happening in the courtyard below them, soldiers rejoicing, previously wounded spirits already healing at last as they await the carts to finally take them home for good.
“You’ve always been the most eager to leave,” Erwin says suddenly.
Levi watches a flock of birds fly by, their wings casting shadows on his windowsill.
“I joined the Scouting Legion so that one day I can see for myself what they see beyond the walls.” He ties up his bag, slings it over his shoulder. “It’s what I’ve wanted my entire life, and it’s time for me to move forward now.”
Erwin stares at Levi, a strange expression clouding his face and he asks, “I can’t make you stay, can I, Levi?”
He thinks about all his comrades sacrificed in this war, remembers his squad who died too young and the trainees who had lost their lives before they even had the chance to become real soldiers. He thinks about the fact that no matter how many times he washes his hands, he never feels clean of the blood that once seeped underneath his fingernails.
“There’s nothing for me here but painful memories,” Levi answers truthfully. “But at least I know now that their sacrifice wasn’t in vain. And that’s good enough for me.”
Erwin smiles sadly, and Levi has to look away. “I see. I just want you to be happy, Levi.”
Even after all these years, Levi can’t seem to be dishonest with Erwin. So he just replies, “I will be.”
Later, as the carriage departs, Levi looks out the window behind him. He sees Erwin fade away into the distance, his right shirt-sleeve blowing loosely in the wind.
Levi wakes up in the middle of the night, eyes slowly blinking open. There’s something wrapped around his waist, and he realizes that it’s Erwin’s arm and Levi turns to look at him, sees his sleeping face, placid and worry-free.
This time, he remembers his dream.
--
A few days later, they are washing the dishes, Levi drying the plates Erwin passes to him. He’s suddenly remembering a certain day from many months ago, when he told Erwin that he would be leaving soon, but never did. He places the dish on the rack and then asks the question he’s wanted to bring up all this time but never had the courage to until now.
“You haven’t asked me to leave yet.”
Erwin says nothing, handing him another wet plate.
“Why is that?” Levi asks, clutching the slippery plate between his hands. His heart hammers painfully against his chest.
Erwin finally looks up. “Do you want to leave, Levi?”
Erwin’s gaze is so piercing that Levi has to look away momentarily and that’s when he sees them:
Their overflowing collection of seashells scattered on their windowsills, traces of flour on the countertop from making pancakes this morning, clean laundry they have yet to sort through and fold piled high on the bed, the one cupboard dedicated to Levi’s ridiculous habit of hoarding cleaning supplies, the floors that always seem a bit sandy no matter how often Levi sweeps.
His Scouting Legion uniform hanging in one corner of their home, fading and collecting dust alongside Erwin’s.
He looks back at Erwin and sees a man who he met by chance not once, but twice in his lifetime; who lets Levi back into his life as if they hadn't been apart for half a decade; who takes him to all the stunning places the world has to offer because he just wants Levi to be happy; who holds him at night like he is something precious.
As Levi stares into sea-blue eyes, he suddenly thinks that he doesn't have to see every part of the world after all; because while it is such an overwhelmingly beautiful place, nothing can ever compare to Erwin, who stands before him patiently, who’s eyes are somehow bluer than any sea Levi would have come across in his lifetime, who watches Levi as if he is the entire world.
And in that moment, after all these months, Levi realizes that he’s been truly happy for the first time in his life.
“No,” Levi finally answers, his hand trembling around the plate. “I don’t want to leave again, Erwin.”
“Then don’t, Levi” Erwin implores, his smile real and devastating. “Stay here with me.”
The plate slips from Levi’s fingers as he finally lets himself reach for Erwin.
Later, the dishes lay forgotten on the sink, the laundry tossed carelessly onto the floor. Levi finds that their bed is pretty comfortable when curled up together, a tangle of limbs beneath the sheets.
“I’ve waited for you for so long,” Erwin whispers against his skin.
“I’m here now,” Levi promises and leans in to meet Erwin’s waiting lips.