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It had been weeks since Rowan showed up in Adarlan, tracking Lorcan. The force of his anticipation at seeing Aelin had taken him by surprise, but there was also something under his skin that told him she wouldn’t mind that he had disobeyed her orders. In the ship on the way to Erilea, he had had plenty of time to consider what had passed between them before he left. Learning they were carranam; breaking his bond with Maeve and gaining a new one with Aelin. Tattooing her with the names of those she had loved and lost.
Aelin was nothing like Maeve, who threw her will around just to see it done. He hadn’t known her for long, considering the span of his life, but he already knew there was no one else worthy of swearing his fealty to, given the choice. Despair had been the cause of his first blood oath, rather than a sense of duty, or even that Maeve had been worthy of that sacrifice. Trust and respect made the foundation of his oath to Aelin, and there was something else there, too, that he didn’t want to name yet.
When she had run at him in that alley… it had taken every bit of self-control he had to keep himself from meeting her, from throwing his own body at hers and overpowering her. He had seen the male with her and wondered what their connection was, but the familiar way she had moved her body into his own had eased him. That she was still covered in his scent gave him another level of satisfaction he hadn’t wanted to admit to himself. As if he had any need of reassurance, as if she was his in that way…
The last few weeks had seen struggle between the two as they tried to figure out where they stood with one another, deciding which lines and boundaries each would be willing to cross for the other. Which ones they both wanted to cross. Rowan and Aelin had returned to their old routine of sharing a bed, despite the eyebrows it raised. In a human city, it was… unconventional, to say the least. Especially when two people were as close and shared a bond as strongly as the Fae warrior and the former assassin. No one had said anything, but Aedion, Chaol, and Nesryn certainly had their opinions. Not that it would keep Rowan from warming Aelin’s bed. Not that she would let him sleep anywhere else.
When she had started to tease him with those gods-damned nightgowns… it took what felt like an eternity to fall asleep every night. He wouldn’t find calm until far after he heard her breath become deep and steady, clenching his fists and trying to keep himself from staring at her curves through the thin sheet covering her. Even when he feel asleep, he found his mind preoccupied with her and caught himself reaching for her several times in the night.
That morning, Rowan woke to find Aelin’s limbs wrapped around him. One arm was thrown over his shoulders, while a leg was resting across his hips. He realized with a start that one of his thighs was in between her legs, and she was… moaning, softly.
Aelin was clearly still asleep, and Rowan brushed her red hair off her forehead to get a better look at her. At least she wasn’t having a nightmare. Those were frequent, and he knew how to handle them. This, though… Her toes were curling, and he could feel the heat beginning to build on his leg where she had pressed her center into him. She was wearing one of her silk, barely-there nightgowns, a deep green this time, and during the night it had twisted up around her waist. He glanced down again and saw her matching lacy panties and swore under his breath.
This wasn’t the first time they had woken up entangled in one another. Aelin tended to be the one who found his body in the night, her legs twisting around his, her head nuzzling into his shoulder. If he woke before her he would try to extricate himself, regretting it but knowing that he wouldn’t be able to maintain what little distance remained between them if she realized how much he savored this contact. On the nights when she woke first to leave their bed in the middle of the night, she was too on edge to allow herself the freedom to find his body. As a result, there was little discussion of what their bodies may or may not have expressed when they weren’t awake to keep themselves on a tight leash.
He didn’t want to wake her now, but he knew that if she continued this dream he might not be able to look her in the eyes for the rest of the day. Maybe the rest of the week. He closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating on her heat spreading to his thigh, the feel of her leg wrapped around him, the way her breath grew shorter as she moved on him gently. He cursed silently when he felt dampness from her arousal. His already-tenuous self-control was being tested every time their eyes met, and with her draped across him like this and making these noises… he wasn’t sure if he gave a damn anymore, about what boundaries might be between them.
When she moaned his name quietly he felt something snap inside of him.
He lifted himself up on one elbow, placing a kiss on her shoulder. “Aelin? Fireheart? I think you’re dreaming,” he said softly.
“Rowan,” she murmured again, in that place between dreams and reality. Hearing his name on her lips while she was like that, with heat flushing her face and moans coming from deep in her throat, sent wave of pleasure straight through his core and he nearly growled in proprietary satisfaction. Her hips shifted on him again and she pressed the rest of her body into him, lips parted slightly. He brushed a thumb over her mouth and leaned down to kiss her softly, his nostrils flaring as he scented her arousal. Pulling his head away from her, he whispered her name again, closer to her ear this time, trying to pull her gently from what seemed to be a rather pleasant dream.
She blinked once, twice, rutting her hips into his thigh again before she realized what she was doing, that he was awake and watching her have that type of dream, and…
“Oh. Oh gods.” A blush began to creep into her cheeks and Rowan chuckled softly. But instead of putting space between their bodies, Aelin closed what little distance there was and buried her face in his neck, wrapping her arms more tightly around him.
“I was dreaming,” she said, her voice muffled in his neck.
“Mm-hm. What were you dreaming about, Fireheart?” Rowan knew it was a dangerous question, but he was curious, to say the least. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked, but there was only a fractional part of him now that was trying to pretend to hold himself back from what they both wanted.
She pulled back to look at him and paused, blinking. “I was dreaming about you. And me. And we were…” A look crossed her face, and she made a decision. “It was a rather pleasant dream, as you well know. I don’t know if you want me to tell you what we were doing, though, since you were so adamant about waiting, and thin walls, and all that.”
He smirked at her, at the way she so easily threw his words back at him. “I have a fairly good idea of what you were dreaming, Princess. How about I guess? And you tell me if I’m right.”
She leveled her gaze at him, daring him to form the words that would describe what they both wanted.
“Was it something like this,” Rowan asked, and he lowered his lips to her neck, brushing softly. He placed a broad hand on the small of her back, anchoring her to him. “Or maybe this?” The tip of his tongue ran the length of her neck, stopping at her jaw. He ran his mouth back down her neck, grazing it with his teeth this time until he reached her collarbone, where he pressed his mouth into her finally, kissing along the line until she had to let her head fall back so he could continue his progress.
Her eyes fell shut and a small noise escaped her throat, so Aelin settled for nodding her response instead. The bastard was going to tear through her self-control now; she had been so certain of his that she hadn’t given a thought to what she might do if he decided to take her teasing in earnest. After they had come to an agreement that they would wait, she had been counting on his restraint, but that was clearly no longer something she could take for granted.
Rowan reached for one strap of her nightgown, removing it from her shoulder. “Did I do something like this,” he asked, as he continued kissing her. He lowered the strap until her breast was exposed. He took her in, brushing his palm over her before lowering his mouth to her nipple, already peaked from her dream and his lips along her throat. A moan escaped and she couldn’t stop herself from saying his name as he tasted and nibbled at her skin, a knuckle grazing the underside of her breast. He shifted his weight until he was over her and pressed his body into hers until he could feel her heat through her silky nightgown, and he nearly lost control. His strong, muscled thigh was still in between her legs, and she gripped it tightly between her own as a wave of pleasure went through her.
“Aelin,” he murmured into her chest, “you are so beautiful.” She smiled back at him, a ghost of a smirk on her face. She knew exactly what effect she had on him, had been enjoying for weeks the way his eyes would travel across her body when he thought she wasn’t paying attention. They had both been playing this game, really, of how much they could do with their eyes when hands and skin and teeth and tongues were off-limits. At least, they had been.
He lowered the other strap until her nightgown was just a strip of silky fabric around her waist. She ran her hands over his broad chest and tattoos as he took her in. He had seen her naked plenty of times, but there was something hungry about this look. He pressed his leg in between hers, and when her back arched he wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his lips against hers and pushing his tongue into her already-open mouth. She was overwhelmed by the feeling of him over her and her senses wouldn’t allow for anything that wasn’t him, his scent, his weight, his tattoos and scars and skin and tongue.
With one move, he removed her nightgown and her panties until she was bare. She wanted to do the same to him, but he held her back as he removed his cotton sleeping pants himself. Her breath caught as she saw him for the first time, the strength, the muscles, the scars she hadn’t been privy to before. She wanted all of him. The haze of what they had been doing in her dream was still hanging over her and she would have been ready for him to take her right then and there if he weren’t being so damn patient. He lowered his weight back over her and grabbed her wrists before she could reach down for him.
“Wait,” he said, his voice little more than a growl that vibrated through her.
With one hand braced by her head, Rowan let his fingers travel down her body, memorizing the contrast of smooth skin dappled with scars before he reached between her legs. She spread her thighs and lifted her hips in an attempt to get him where she wanted, but he held back. He chuckled, pressing her hips back into the bed.
His fingers moved quickly and smoothly and he looked into her eyes as he asked, “did you dream about this?”Aelin gasped when he touched her, parting her folds, covering his fingers with the slick he found there.
“Yes,” she gasped out, and she was over-powered by the intensity of this, compared with the thoughts she had kept to herself at night, her dreams. That was all she’d had to satisfy herself these past months, while he was gone, and then while he had denied her. He ran his fingers over her, pressing into her and experimenting until he found a pressure and rhythm that had her speechless. Finally, he filled her with one finger, then another.
“What else did you dream about, Fireheart?” Her hair was splayed out on her pillow, strands sticking to her face where sweat had begun to appear. He cupped her cheek with his free hand, his thumb running over her features as lust took over.
His fingers brought her closer to the edge, her body rocking on the bed between the force of his attention and the movement of her hips on his hand. He increased his pace, pumping into her and watching pleasure contort her features. In a strangled voice she managed to say, “I dreamed you were fucking me, Rowan. I dreamed we were waiting, for some gods-damned reason I don’t understand right now, and you couldn’t wait anymore, so you fucked me in this bed, on the kitchen counter, all over this gods-damned apartment. You were fucking me and it felt so-” She reached the edge and pleasure came over her in waves, Rowan’s eyes gleaming with her words, her pleasure-addled expression, her hot breath on his face, her tightening around his fingers as she rode out her orgasm.
As her breathing steadied, he asked, “is that what you want, Aelin? Do you want me inside of you right now?” He watched her face as he brought his fingers up to his mouth and sucked off her wetness, one finger at a time.
“You know I do, you bastard,” she growled. She paused, holding his face between her hands. With more softness, she said, “I need you, Rowan.” She nodded at him, trying to convey what she wanted, how she felt.
Despite all the ties that bound them together, this was yet another, and his earlier words about weakness crept back to her… despite the blood oath he had taken, the fact that she knew he wanted her, she was willing to wait, for him. There was a certain amount of apprehension in the decision to be together in this final way. The fear of loss was enough to strangle both of them, to render their desire for each other nearly inert. She would spare him that fear, if she could; if he refused her now she would leave the bed and wash and dress for the day, and resign herself to the fact that it was asking too much of him. And she knew the fear nearly as well as he did, the pain of loss and regret. She wouldn’t force that on him again.
As if he heard her thoughts, knew that she was wondering if he would consider this one more weakness, to be joined like this, he stroked her cheek. He had never thought he would be willing to take this chance again, let alone that he would find someone who could tempt him to it. The vulnerability in her expression now would have had him taking her into his arms were she not already there, and asking for something else.
Aelin… to whatever end.
She nodded again, and nothing else needed to pass between them.
Rowan moved himself over her, parting her thighs further with his palms. He reached down one more time to brush a knuckle over her center and she made an exasperated sound. Reaching down, she wrapped her hand around him, giving him a few strokes that nearly had him pushing into her in one swift movement.
He teased himself at her entrance, and Aelin tried to buck her hips up, to bring him inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his hips in another effort to bring him closer, and he finally obliged her when a whimper escaped her throat. She felt his length going in, and in, and she gasped as she felt herself stretch to make room for him. It had been a long time since she had been with anyone and he was so hard and long inside of her that she couldn’t contain her moans, the way her hips moved up to allow him to fill her to the hilt. He began to nip at the sensitive spots on her neck until she became wet for him again, and he knew she was ready for him to continue. His thrusts were slow, steady, at first.
His forearms were braced on either side of her head and she could feel his hot breath on her face. Those pine green eyes she loved so much were looking at her, into her, and she thought her heart would burst from loving him. There was nothing else in this moment except for the two of them, the movement of their hips, the heat at her core, the weight of him on top of her.
All those nights she had lain alone in this bed came rushing back to her, all those nights when she had wanted nothing more than to reach over and feel him nearby, to know that she was safe and loved and trusted… that she could trust. Turning to leave him had felt like throwing away a gift, even though she knew that she would see him again, that she would make it on her own, again. The idea of feeling whole again had seemed so unlikely when they first met, and now here they were, waking in each other’s arms, and the idea that she might have something steady and sure and constant in her life was enough to make her choke back a sob of gratitude.
Gradually, Rowan intensified his thrusts, fucking her hard and deep, like he knew she wanted. Gentleness could come later, when they had nothing left to prove and nothing but time in front of them. All those months of laying by her, and then of missing her, were put into his efforts, as if he could communicate with this action alone how he would take the oath a thousand more times and never regret it. Feeling her hot and tight and wet around him was the final confirmation that he hadn’t known he needed, that he had been waiting for this woman without knowing it. That he had been looking for something he hadn’t known existed, hadn’t known he was looking for.
She had imagined this body over hers so many times, and she thought she might die from the pleasure of him. As he moved inside of her she ran her hands along his body in a way she had imagined a hundred times before, her nails raking across his skin to leave a visual trail of where she had touched him. Rowan looked down to see where they were joined and moaned in approval. Aelin threw her head back into her pillow as the tension in her began to build, and Rowan growled, “look at me, Fireheart. Look at me, Aelin.”
She obliged him, and as he became more insistent and they both drew closer to their climaxes, he looked at her and whispered, “to whatever end, Aelin.”
She could only nod as his thrusts and heat and weight on her brought her back to the waves of pleasure, and she clenched her thighs around his waist as she came again. He covered her mouth with his own, muffling her cries with his lips and tongue as he continued moving inside of her. His own orgasm quickly followed, and he shuddered as he came inside of her and held her tightly to him, groaning into her skin.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him onto her to rest as they shared erratic breaths. When he tried to move from her she tightened her thighs around him, not releasing him quite yet. He lifted his head to look down at her, the only sound in the room their breathing. Kissing her forehead, he finally shifted to lay down next to her, not wanting to break contact yet.
“Gods, I missed you,” he said, breathing into her skin as he wrapped his arms around her waist to settle with his head against her breasts. She grabbed a woefully short handful of hair and pulled his head up to look up at her.
“I thought it hadn’t even been that long,” she challenged him. She raised an eyebrow at him.
“I already told you I miss you, Princess,” he growled, batting at her hand to release his hair. She smiled and released him to rest his head against her again and she wrapped her arms around him to run her fingers through his hair. Draping a leg around around his waist, she sighed with contentment, and tried to forget the challenges of the coming weeks and months, even if it was just for a few moments.
“Rowan… I love you,” she said quietly, not knowing if he would return the words then, but knowing that her own would still be true, no matter what he said next.
“I love you, too, Aelin.” He brushed his lips over her heart before settling back down against her skin, stroking her softly until they both fell asleep again.