Chapter Text
Adrien Agreste, famous teen model, has a devoted fan base. They clamor for every scrap of information about him (and any chance for an autograph, much to his dismay). What they don't know about him is that he likes to fidget. His father, on the other hand, does but enjoys his son's habit far less. Especially not in public. Which is why his devoted fan base is unaware of his habit. Any kind of fidgeting was enjoyable really: fiddling with his miraculous ring, twirling a pencil, tapping a pencil, tapping his foot and bouncing his leg (the one that most annoyed his father). He currently sat so focused on spinning his miraculous around his finger that he entirely missed what his teacher announced. The only reason he happened to notice was the groaning that followed.
Groans filled the classroom, coming from just about everyone it seemed. Except the scoff Chloé was fond of giving of course. Adrien tuned back in to Ms. Bustier in the hopes he would figure out whatever she just said. Luckily for him, she did.
"Don't let your classmates scare you Adrien, slideshow presentations aren't that bad. I'm guessing you've never done one, correct?"
"That's correct, ma'am. I'm not sure what that is." He replied. At least it sounded interesting.
"Slideshow presentations involve either you or a small group, cheer up everyone this will be a partnered project, researching a subject and giving a short presentation in front of the class." Ms. Bustier told him, briefly turning her attention to the rest of the class.
"Can we pick partners?" Kim asked from his seat behind him.
"Sorry, Kim, but I've already picked out partners for you. And groan away but I've decided to shake things up and get you guys a bit out of your comfort zones." She replied, waiting for her students to finish groaning. Did she use to groan this much when she was in school? She didn't think so.
Adrien went back to focusing on fidgeting with his miraculous. He felt slightly bad about spacing out so much more than normally but he was utterly exhausted from a late night akuma battle and the fidgeting was keeping him awake. His attention was brought back to class when he heard his name called.
"Adrien and Alya." Ms. Bustier said, finished with assigning partners.
That was cool, he wasn't nearly as good a friend with Alya as he was with Nino. Adrien quickly switched to his favorite method of fidgeting, bouncing his leg. He knew his father wouldn't be pleased but school was the probably the most acceptable place to fidget and, most importantly, he was excited!
Apparently too excited, if Nino placing his hand on Adrien's leg was any indictation of how hard he was bouncing his leg. He did tend to get a bit carried away when he had something cool to look forward to.
"Bro, it's just a project. There's no reason to get so amped up about it." Nino said with a chuckle and an eye roll. It was something Adrien really appreciated about his friend, how expressive he could be. Adrien wasn't always sure what someone meant if they didn't just come out and say it but Nino provided an abundance of context. It was nice.
Ms. Bustier quickly explained what they should focus on, how soon it was due, roughly how thorough it should be (reminding Max that there was indeed a thing as being too thorough) and then let them pack up a few minutes before class ended so they could discuss the project in their new groups.
Nino, and Adrien at his friend's prompting, turned around to face their respective partners. Alya was patting Marinette on the shoulder as they did. "Sorry we can't do this as a group, Marinette. Next time I'll be sure to force us together. At least none of us are working with Chloé." The blogger said before giving her new partner a slightly apologetic look. "I'm only slightly sorry, Adrien. So where do you want to work on this?"
"Wherever you're comfortable, Alya. I don't have a photo shoot today so we can start right after school ends if you want. I'll just have to text Nathalie. If you want to start working right away that is." He said.
"Awesome, that works out great! I need to update the school blog so we can go the library. I like to do it there. Keeps me focused on that instead of the Ladyblog." She responded before turning back to her friend.
Adrien watched them exchange looks and nudges which seemed to make Marinette uncomfortable. Obviously Alya was Marinette's best friend and was definitely closer but that didn't mean she should go around making her friend feel bad. After a quick look with Nino, who was relaxed and didn't seem uncomfortable on her behalf, Adrien didn't think he should interject. Instead he texted Nathalie about the change of plans. He was glad it was Tuesday and he didn't have Chinese lessons like he did yesterday.
The bell rang and the classroom became a blur of activity as his classmates packed up and fled. Per their usual routine though Nino, Marinette, Alya, and himself walked out in pairs. Although he would be estatic if it was, the model was hesitant to call it a friend group. In his mind every friend from a friend group was roughly equally friends with each member. With the four of them, Adrien was much better friends with Nino than either of the girls. He was really hoping that this project would help bridge the gap between being 'kind of friends' and 'good friends' with himself and Alya. Then afterwards maybe he could became good friends with Marinette to. That would be nice.
"I've got to welp. I mean help! I've got to help maman at the bakery." Marinette told Alya with a stutter which was met with an eye roll. To Adrien, she was back to looking uncomfortable. She did this sometimes but Adrien had yet to figure out why. He hoped he hadn't done something to make her feel bad around him. She gave Alya a hug, stuttered out a goodbye to Adrien and Nino, and left.
"I'd love to hang out dudes but my mom says that if I don't get home as soon as I can and clean my room she'll skin me alive. And all the hard work I put into my skincare routine would be wasted!" Nino exclaimed.
"Is that the thing you should be focusing on and not the fact that you're being skinned alive by your mother of all people?" Alya asked him.
The DJ shrugged. "Oh, I almost forgot. The school radio station, and by that I mean me, wants the school to know that people are welcome to join. I could totally use the help."
"I'm surprised there is such hard work involved for a radio station people don't pay much attention to." Adrien piped up, trying to comfort his friend. Based on Nino and Alya's reaction though it was clearly not the best thing he could've said.
"Harsh, bro." Nino said. He knew that sometimes Adrien meant something but that his delivery wasn't always so spot on and expected that to be the case. Adrien being a cute ball of sunshine also helped- if his friend had meant something truly mean he probably wouldn't even have said anything.
"Youch, Agreste." Alya crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow. That was pretty unlike their friend.
"Wha-oh! I didn't mean it like that you guys. I just meant that it's lame how you have so much work to do and people don't seem to care about it." The model apologized. "You know I like the station. You're a great DJ." Adrien held his friend's hand as he spoke as if the contact would help biologically transmit his apology.
"That makes a lot more sense, dude. And yea, I totally know you like the show. Who else would send a fruit basket during a broadcast I had to make while sick and after a brutal chemistry exam?" Nino hugged him quickly before stepping back. "I should get going though, I do like my skin." After ignoring her unspoken question and waving goodbye to Alya and a fist bump with his best friend, he made his way home.
"If that had gone on much longer I was going to have to ask if you two needed a room." Alya said with a smirk.
"Why would we need a room?"
"Never mind sunshine child of the group. Let us trek onward towards the library so I can get the school blog out of the way and start on this project."
Adrien didn't really catch most of what she said, stuck as he was on 'of the group'. They were a group! He had a role in that group! He'd definitely be bouncing his leg now, if he wasn't walking, so he opted to tap his fingers against it.
"Dude, it's just a slideshow. It's not that different from other things we've already done. What's got you in such a good mood already?" Alya asked him. It seemed all of a sudden he brightened up and started tapping again like he had been in class. Which was even more unusual behavior for him.
He blushed. "Sorry. It's not the project I care so much about. I know it's lame to get so worked up about it but I'm glad we're spending time together. I know we're not really close or anything."
"But?" She prompted. She wasn't going to go and interview her friend (she had promised Marinette to not do that anymore afterall) but that didn't mean she couldn't use those kind of skills.
"You said we're a group. Of friends. And you gave me a role! I've never really had either of those before coming to school is all. I've got no idea what 'sunshine child' means though." He explained rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed and starting to curse himself for being so weird. Who got that excited for something so small anyway?
The force of her hug almost knocked him over! "Of course we're all friends!! Just because Marinette and I hang out more that doesn't mean we're not all friends. You know, this gives us another good reason to all hang out. Before you ask it's so that we can shower you with our friendly affection. And don't worry, sunshine child is a good thing. You're a nice person is all. And being blonde helps." Alya let go of him for a second before linking arms while they walked.
"Would it be weird if I asked what everyone else's role is according to you, Alya?" He asked, intensely curious. Adrien was privately very happy with how touchy his friends (he had friends!!) were. He knew that being touch starved was possible and was positive that he was. Which wasn't exactly something he loved to think about though. Although even if he wasn't he thought he would still enjoy how affectionate his friends were, it felt too nice to just be lack of contact.
After all, every touch his friends gave him was imprinted in his mind. Adrien may have been isolated but he wasn't stupid. He knew being that obsessed with contact was not a thing the average person cared about. But he couldn't help it, it felt too nice not to remember.
"Maybe a little? But not as weird as Marinette is on a daily basis so it's not a big deal. Let me think. Well if we're going comic book roles I'd have to say that you would be the smart one or the bruiser because you're the only one who is super active, what with the fencing and basketball and stuff. Nino would probably be the lancer, the foil to the leader of a group. Me be the way, i'm the leader. We contrast each other pretty well I think. Marinette would absolutely be the heart of the group, binding us all together. But if you're asking for cutesy nick names like sunshine child then Marinette is ball of energy and Nino is ...hmm. The only safe for work nickname I got for him is music man."
"That's awesome, Alya. But since Marinette is class rep, wouldn't she be the leader?" He asked. Distracted as he was by all this wonderful information he didn't even think to ask what 'safe for work' meant.
"I guess you've got a point. She'd be the leader and the heart but that would make the hero. I'm definitely the protagonist if we were in a comic book or manga."
"You read manga?" He asked, even more excited. He loved manga!
"Yea, sure, they're some cool ones. I'm more of a comic book gal myself though."
"That's cool, I have a bookshelf of just comic books. More manga. Most of my bookshelves have actual books."
"With how nice you are I forget sometimes that you're super rich. Tell me more about your room, Nino said it's huge."
"Yea, it's pretty great I'm not gonna lie. It's at least twice the size of Marinette's room. When you walk in my computer is right there to the right and my bed is next to that. I've got a couch across from my bed facing my windows. There's a tv, some video games, a DDR set up, a basketball hoop. A couple skate ramps that I have never, or ever intend to, use. A climbing wall which is really fun. Then, and this is a lot I know, there are stairs leading to the upper level which is all bookshelves." As he talked he showed her carefully selected Plagg free pictures of it. By the time he was done he was thoroughly embarrassed. While it never escaped him how rich his father was, they lived in a mansion and he had skate ramps and arcade games in his bedroom, Alya's awestruck impression provided another level of context.
"Swanky."
"It's not as great as it could be though." He said as the good mood Nino and Alya had put him quickly evaporated.
"What do you mean?"
"It's just me in there. Nino can't come over very often and i'm not sure if you or Marinette would exactly like to come over. I'm all alone is all. It's empty. Marinette's room is a lot better really. Both our rooms look cool but her's is a lot more cozy. Not to mention she lives atop a bakery. And..." He trailed off. He didn't want to dump more of his problems on his friend than he already had.
"And what, Adrien?" She asked, her concern plain to even him.
"Oh, uh, it's nothing. I don't, uh, I mean, I didn't mean anything by it." Yea, he didn't think that would work.
"Come on now, spill. We're friends. Not only do friends tell each other our deepest and darkest secrets but we also listen. I'm a reporter, being a good listener is something I'm great at."
If there was one thing Adrien knew about Alya it was that he most definitely did not want to do anything to chance being on the receiving end of her anger. Knowing this, he came clean.
"Her family..." He trailed off, suddenly finding the floor particularly interesting. As it was, he missed the war raging between wrath and sadness on his friends face.
Alya knew exactly what he meant. He didn't have to elaborate. Her boyfriend had been akumatized because her friend's dad was such a giant prick after all. If Adrien had noticed the sudden vise attached to his arm that her hands had become he didn't mention it.
"It's, uh, it's not that bad. My dad can be a bit over protective is all." Adrien said after a couple of minutes of tense silence. He even flashed his perfectly happy model smile at her. It didn't work.
She was seething. Alya had known that of course his home life had much to be desired but she didn't realize how bad he honestly felt about it. This would not stand, no sir. Not if she had any goddamn thing to say about it. And boy was she finding a lot of choice words to say. The smaller girl snapped her head up at him. "I can tell it is that bad and I am very sorry I only just found out. I sure hope you like the whole found family idea because I do and you're certainly gonna get it."
Before Adrien could ask what she meant exactly, he had an inkling of an idea but couldn't possibly hope for it as much as he wanted to, they arrived at the library. Alya dragged him into her favorite study room and closed the door. She took a couple breaths to try and steady herself which worked better than she thought it would.
"Ok, so, I'm going to explode later. You'll be mostly ok with it. So will Nino and Marinette. I can't help if I get akumatized again. So this is a topic we're shelving for later. But we're putting it on the middle row of a close shelf for easy access. Very easy to reach." Alya explained as she sat down next to him.
All the model could do was nod and hope for the best. The room was mostly silent for a few minutes as Alya updated the school blog, asking him brief questions about the wording of this or that sentence. For a couple seconds she turned the tablet away from him and typed something. If the school blog was something he checked he would have eventually noticed in Alya's post about the radio station, the phrase "anyone who joins might get a fruit basket like our very own host did. Oh là là."
As she did that, he got started on the project. Well they hadn't picked a topic yet so he looked up slideshow presentations before his friend (friend!) interrupted him.
"Ok, now that that's out of the way, let's get to the important stuff!" She proclaimed, taking the tablet away from him.
"But that's what I was doing?"
"Were you updating the Ladyblog?"
"Uh, no? I was starting the project?"
"And since when is that the important stuff, Adrien?" Alya chuckled and set his tablet down. She picked up her phone and gestured wildly at it's screen. "You can get a sneak peek at my next post."
"Thanks, the Ladyblog is really cool Alya." He said as he gladly took the phone. Which he almost dropped upon reading the title. In bold letters it read:
THERE IS A BRIGHT GREEN MAGIC LIPSTICK TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION ACROSS PARIS AND WILL SHE EVER STOP?
What a title.
"I know, right? Isn't it awesome? It's totally great. Read more, hurry up." She said, unaware that Adrien had absolutely not meant to say that out loud.
So read on he did. And almost dropped Alya's phone for the second time in a minute. The first sentence read: She better not.
Wow, was the room suddenly much hotter? Adrien thought so. It must have been been. He needed a minute to process and calm down but "She better not." was the only thing he could think about making calming down impossible. He was surprised he was still breathing. Was he still breathing? Yes, ok, yup, breathing still. That was good. Air is nice.
Was the second sentence any better. "Not until I at least get a kiss."
Nope, not any better. The room was still on fire. Alya liked Chat Noire??? Adrien didn't think he could read anymore of her post if the rest was like that. Adrien must be very lucky today though.
"You're done, right? You're a fast reader. What do you think, cool? I know it's all speculation but she flirts with everyone. I mean, I don't think it's a stretch to assume she's either bi or pan." Alya asked as she took her phone back.
"Yup, it's cool. I have to agree. I think she's pan." Adrien replied. He did after all have firsthand experience on how the female superhero's mind worked. Ugh. Adrien hated that. Keeping Chat so separate from Adrien that he went so far as to misgender herself even in the privacy of her own mind. But it had to be done. Her father could never know. It would be easier telling him that she was Chat rather than come out as trans.
"So what do you think of all the kisses?" Alya asked him. It had to be him for now. She wanted to scream and cry and rip out her skin but it had to be that way.
"What do you mean?" He asked. His voice certainly didn't falter and it most definitely wasn't strained. Not at all.
"Like, why do you think she does it? Is it just her being flirty? I mean I wouldn't complain if it was because, wow, what a way to flirt, but like the post says I don't think it is." She explained. "I feel like she does it because it's fun and yea, it's gotta be a little bit because she's flirting but I think the biggest reason is because of who she is under the mask. You know, she's so expressive it's like Halloween."
"I'm definitely confused." Adrien replied. At least this was helping. Sort of. And really, what did Halloween have to do with anything?
"See, Halloween is a time when people are able to express themselves really openly after a year of being suppressed by regular society. Halloween is when just about nothing is sacred and you're allowed to run around and make a fool of yourself, especially in a costume. And I think that's probably why Chat goes around and kisses a bunch of people and things."
"Huh." Was all he could say. He had never given it that much thought but the thoughts he had given it matched pretty well with what his friend had just said.
"Yup, I'm a genius. Until she comes out and says otherwise it's my working theory." Alya said proudly.
"So, should we start the project again?" Adrien asked.
"Ugh, if we have to." She gave him back his tablet. "So our assigned topic is autism. You're in luck as you happen to be speaking to an autistic girl so I already know a bunch."
"You are? That's cool. I guess. I don't really know what that is exactly." Adrien said, cheeks pink. He had heard the word before and had seen a headline that said France lags behind the rest of Europe in accommodating autistic children but wasn't really sure what it meant.
"That's ok, sunflower. France is awful for some reason when it comes to properly diagnosing children with autism and it's even worse with providing them with any help. I'm lucky my mom is understanding. I was diagnosed a bit before I came to this school actually. You should write this bit down for the presentation. Autism is a spectrum of various behaviors that typically involves different ways of communicating, differences reacting to stimuli, passionate interests in one or more specific areas, and difficulties interacting with others. The terms low and high functioning are fairly common but extremely inaccurate and not to be used. They serve to strip an autistic individual of either their agency as a person or to deny them help, respectfully." She paused to breathe and to give Adrien time to write all that down. "Good?"
"Yup. That was really cool how you were able to give all that off the top of your head." Adrien replied, impressed.
"Not done yet, get ready to type. Autism is a spectrum, not ranging from autistic to not autistic but in fact more similar to a salad bar. Salad bars don't go from very salad to not salad but each person's salad is different with varying amounts of ingredients. In this case, one person could be really good at communicating with others but have trouble with maintaining personal boundaries. Me, myself, I am talking about me."
"A common action found amongst autistic individuals, and certain other neurodivergent people, is stimming. Short for self stimulating behavior. I like to stim by blogging. All the button noises on my phonr are nice. I also like to draw as a stim. Another person may twirl a ring when bored or bounce thir leg when excited or just because it feels good. To go back to the salad bar, another autistic person that is not myself may find communicating with people to be difficult and use scripts to help them. They may be very good though at maintaining personal boundaries. They may also enjoy a structured routine versus myself who is fine with very little to not structure to her day. Cough cough hint hint wink wink."
Adrien took a minute to catch up to everything his friend explained. He hoped shed be able to at least find a couple sources for credibility. "Why would I be writing all the attention seeking behavior?"
"You would not, sunshine. You would be thinking about it and everything I just said."
"Oh." He replied. He did in fact think about it for a minute when the conclusion she wanted him to reach dawned on him. "Oh! You think I'm autistic?"
"Most people end up self diagnosing themselves because treatment is hard to find." She shrugged as of that explained everything.
"But-"
"Nope. It's not a problem. I know it in my bones, I feel it almost as strongly as my bi-fi pings off Chat Noire."
"You're what?"
"It's like gaydar but for bi people. It's an online thing. It's great. There's also pan-scan which is amazing." Alya said.
Adrien didn't know to to proceed with this information. It would make sense that his father didn't want to have a child with any kind of disability and would explain why he hated the fidgeting. Or stimming apparently. "What other ways do people stim?"
"Other people like to stim with pressure, like getting hugs. Some people like to dance." She told him with a smirk on her face. She didn't forget the dancing game he had in his room. And Alya had most definitely noticed how much he liked hugs from the right people.
"Huh."
"Yup. It's totally ok if you think you aren't, I don't want to pressure you. But I'm positive you'll think you are if you do more research."
"I believe you. It slides a lot of things in to place." He replied. That answered one question. Now for the most burning. "...Do I, uh, ping?"
"Oh my god! Oh my god, yes. Sexuality is wonderful. Yes, yes, you absolutely ping you wonderful pansexual!!! So is Nino. And we're both polyamorous. Which isn't exactly but kind of sort of depending on who you talk to a sexuality. It's definitely a romantic structure were both pleased to be accepting of. For future reference."
"What's the difference? Between uh, bisexuality and pansexuality? Is that a stupid question?" He asked. She had called him a pansexual but he wasn't really sure what that meant.
"It's definitely not a stupid question. I will freely and happily answer all your sex, sexuality, and gender questions. Don't fret about that. Someone who is pansexual can be attracted to anyone regardless of their gender identity. Bisexual people like myself are attracted to two or more genders and to genders similar and different to their own. It's not just men and women and it is most definitely not just cis men and women. Cis is short for cisgender which-"
"I actually know what that means. Definitely have that down." Adrien said, cutting her off. It was rude but Adrien didn't think that it would help listening to the definition.
"May I ask your gender identity?" She asked. Adrien noticed that she had moved from before. She wasn't just sitting next to him. She was sitting on the edge of her seat, her hand on his, and looking very trustworthy. "I'm agender. I'm neither a girl or a boy but female pronouns are easy."
"O-oh. T-that's cool." She stuttered. She couldn't do this. She shouldn't. It wouldn't be safe. She started breathing heavy, as if all of a sudden the air weighed a ton. The room had been fire before but now it was like she was sitting in a volcano.
"You don't have to come out to me. I mean, you already sort of did with the pansexuality but this is different. It's ok if you're not ready. It's ok if you're never ready. You never even have to tell me." She told her, her voice softer than she had ever heard it.
"I...I will. I can do this. I want to do this. I need to. I really, really need to." She spoke. She could feel tears coming.
"It's ok. It'll all be ok."
"I...I am a girl." She whispered suddenly against Alya's neck, her head in the other girl's shoulder. She couldn't keep the tears back. She didn't even want to. So she didn't. She cried and cried and sobbed and made an absolute mess of herself and Alya's shirt and she felt more alive than she ever had outside of the suit.
"I'm glad you could tell me." Alya said, rubbing her friend's back as she sobbed and let who knows how loans months of constant misgendering and fear out of her system. She didn't know how long they sat like that but she only moved when her amazing female friend stopped crying.
"T-Thank you so much, Alya." She said, rubbing at her eyes. She couldn't remember every crying that much. "It's so difficult. Just day in and day out being reminded how everyone sees me. Modeling wouldn't be so bad if I could do it in girls clothes. How do I tell Nino? And Marinette? Would she be ok with that? Would Nino? The affectionate bro things can be really hard."
"You're very welcome. I'm very happy you can trust Nino and Marinette with this. They will absolutely accept you. I promise. They might even fawn harder."
"What?"
"What?"
"Neither of them like me. Like that."
"Oh you wonderful sunshine girl."