Chapter Text
Together, they would watch everything that was so carefully planned collapse, and they would smile at the beauty of the destruction.
Pain shot through his head like lightning when he woke up.
His eyes were barely open, his vision dark and blurry until the sun shined over his face.The stiffness of his body held him in one place as if he was glued to his seat. He tried to turn, slowly waking his body up until he hit something. He nudged himself up his seat slowly lifting up his heavy eyelids.
His vision cleared up and his eyes quickly darted to the empty alcohol bottle stuck between his right leg and the car console. When he looked at his passenger seat there was another bottle and several cans of beer on the ground and all around his seat, ashes were scattered and smudged on the white leather of the car.
He groaned, feeling disgusted with himself and then the disgust and guilt amplified when he remembered what he did last night. He didn’t intend to break his promise but he didn’t expect to see Izuku. He never went to those types of parties. They weren’t safe but they were fun and an easy way to get high and hook up with someone.
And maybe the drugs got him lost in his mind and like a desert with its dunes and illusions he was looking for his paradise. All these excuses may not satisfy his mother or his father. They will never understand because it doesn’t keep them awake at night.
Suddenly he felt sick. His stomach rumbled painfully and he felt himself getting hotter. He reached out to grip the handle of the car door and pushed it open with a shove of his shoulders.
When it swung open katsuki intended to step out but gravity pulled his body down, pushing him out of his seat. He hit the ground with a thud earning himself a fresh violet bruise and blood in his mouth. He could barely feel his legs. He craned his head to look up at the bright blue sky as thick drops of blood cascaded down his nose.
He thought about Shindo’s threats and his eagerness to see Katsuki die. Shindo wanted to kill him that’s for sure, and if he was what Katsuki thinks he is, he wouldn’t have any problems doing it. but most of all he hated that Shindo was inserting himself into Izuku’s life. He didn't know why this all made him sad but he knew how ridiculous he probably looks laying on the ground. He tried getting up but he can't move his fucking legs.
It was a mess. His brain was disorganized and distracted; he didn't know what he was doing anymore.
“Izuku! Open the door!” The sudden memory made him flinch. His stomach groaned. He wants to throw up.
Why? Why now? He pushed those memories far, far, far away from him a long time ago so why?
Why is he…. on his knees,12 years old again, In the bathroom.
Why was he waiting for someone to come save him when he knew no one was there? He felt dread climb up his spine.
“You're afraid? Aren't you Katsuki?” He said to him his hands roughly touching his body without permission.
He wanted to move away but the perpetrator was older and stronger. Katsuki tried not to show the fear on his face but he felt it. His heart was pounding against his body.
He snapped at him, yelled at him but, he ignored it as he continued. Katsuki wasn't in control.
Some days were okay, others felt as if the world were ending and maybe it was but he didn’t care about the pain.
He thought it was worth it. He knew that one day Izuku would come back. He will protect him. He would take a million hits to his body but everything will be fine.
He really hoped that Izuku didn’t see him as a monster even when there's blood on his hands he hoped…
He would still be his friend.
“Fuck!” Katsuki grabbed his hair and clawed his fingers into his scalp. His head was fucking pounding. He can’t go home like this. If his father sees him it’s fucking over. He would tell his mom and then his life would be ruined. No doubt in his mind she will make him suffer.
He thought about it for a second and decided he couldn’t do this sober. Slowly he lifted himself up from the ground. Still bleeding heavily from his nose. He hopped back into his car. He looked around once again.The pills and the immense amount of alcohol. How did it not kill him yet?
He laughed a sad, empty chuckle. He took a deep breath in and let the wave of heavy, built up emotions pass through him. He didn’t understand what the pain was. It felt unjustified, it felt punishing and he felt it becoming stronger. He just needs it to go away and once it’s gone he will be fine.
He won’t be a slave to his own mind.
He found a tiny pill. He looked at it and then put it on his tongue and swallowed it. Sweat cascaded down his face to his neck and quickly his body became tense. It only took seconds for the high to kick in.
His body relaxed and the headache went away. He sighed and smiled contentedly as if this pill was magic and could heal everything bad in his life. His eyes felt heavy again and the next thing he knew bright blue and red lights were flashing on his face.
He smiled and then drifted off until everything slowly faded away and he floated back out into the darkness.
Katsuki has never been scared of the dark but Izuku was. Katsuki couldn't remember how many times he had to hold his hand underneath the sheets.
He only held his hand at night when it was dark and no one could see them and when they woke up, they pretended that it never happened.
He remembered feeling guilty about it for a long, long time. He encouraged it, he led it on but with him it didn’t feel wrong. He convinced himself that eventually he won’t feel like that anymore, that one day Izuku hands would eventually disgust him and that they would have to stop doing it. But that feeling never came.
And at that moment Katsuki realized that he wasn’t dreaming anymore.
He remembered how painful his chest was and how immediately that went away when he looked Izuku in his eyes last night, and now, he can finally fall asleep-
The hospital room only had one bed and three couches in front of it. Beside it a tv and a little library filled with books right by his side. At first he didn’t understand what was happening. The last thing he remembered was his funny little fleeting dream.
Now, he's back on earth and he felt sick. His back was still stiff and his throat was dry until eventually the nurse came in and did a check up routine.
He wanted to ask her what happened and why he was there, but from her careful avoidance and the caution in which she examined the medicine bottles he knew his answer.
It could be something else other than an overdose.
It could’ve been that pain in his chest or maybe he hit his head too hard on the concrete. Fuck. It was probably all those things simultaneously.
Is that how it’s like to die? It all faded into black but then it became something else. It started with the memories and then the last thing he could remember is seeing Izuku grinding against Shindo. Kissing him and holding him tight as he sucked his tongue out of his mouth.
Desperate….needy….messy.
Sadistically, he knew that these thoughts were the ones that got him into trouble yet his mind thinks of them anyways. They were destined to be together, but Katsuki is having a hard time understanding what they were destined for - love, hate, death?
Are they destined to be two worlds apart? A force that can never collide they're existence on two separate planes, never to reach others. Are they destined for tragedy, lying in their deathbed, arms crossed, buried deep down in a bed filled with roses?
Outside foot steps approached his door. Quietly, his father walked in. He stood there, watching him with a shadow on his face. Katsuki tried not to acknowledge him but he knew he couldn’t ignore him.
He knew it was coming but he didn’t want to look at him. Katsuki could’ve stopped doing drugs but he kept chasing that feeling until it was all gone. Now, all he felt was shame.
“ Your mother knows.”
Katsuki's face turned sour. His eyebrows furrowed.
His dad sat on the armchair in front of his bed.
“What we decided on…. will be the best choice for you. It might help you grow, possibly even make you stronger and help you build discipline.” His words pierced him in a way that would make an archer envious. “And hopefully it will teach you how to live without being seduced by drugs.”
“Seduced by drugs?” Katsuki scoffed.
“I’m not an addict. I don’t need drugs to survive.” His father only stared back and shook his head.
He knew he must’ve said something wrong by the way his shoulders became tense.
“I really tried Katsuki.” He sighed softly.
“There’s a rehabilitation camp in the United States-” Katsuki instantly lost his smirk. He didn’t even want to hear the rest.
“ You're sending me away again?” He growled. He felt sick.
“ No, your mother wants to give you a choice. You either completely sober up, take a drug test everyday and have a personal escort or we are sending you to the rehabilitation center.” His father described.
The fucking audacity of this women. “ And where the fuck is she right now? Not in the hospital visiting her fucking kid who almost died!” Katsuki screamed.
“ You’re sending me to rehab after what happened last time? She knew what was happening. I told her. She knew what they were doing to me. She told me she didn’t care what happened to me.”
His father shook his head, pointing a finger at him as if he was wielding a sword.
“ No, Katsuki. You’re making this stuff up in your head that’s your problem. You’ve always done this. You’re seeing things and hearing things that aren’t there.” His voice raised, something Katsuki rarely hears. “You’re mentally disabled Katsuki.”
“ I'm not.”
“ Katsuki-”
“ Don’t tell me I’m fucking making this up! You saw my scars dad!” The beep of the heart monitor went crazy.
Lifting up his shirt to show him the proof of the scars on his back. “ They fucking cut me up because I wouldn’t obey them.” He hissed as the memory flung itself into his mind.
“ They were trying to save you Katsuki, you were harming yourself! We hired people to keep you protected.” His father yelled back.
“ Protected? Go fuck yourself you know thats a fucking lie!” He bellowed in his fathers face.
He knew he looked sick and crazy.
“I see everything very fucking clearly. You’re never going to defend me, you're only going to stick up for her because you hate me just as much as she does.”
“And why would I do that Katsuki?” His father leaned forward on his knees. “Why would I lie to you and tell you something that isn’t true?” He questioned.
“ You live under her spell and you believe every little lie that she tells you.” He spat.
“When we got a call from the hospital, we thought you were dead. We thought we were going to bury our only child and then we saw a video. Multiple actually of you last night at a Yakuza party
“ You decided to get hooked on drugs Katsuki. You wanted to throw your entire life away like it meant nothing to you!
Are you proud you couldn’t even honor your promise for a day?”
His father's words stung so he decided to lay his sword right into his chest.
“You let me get molested when I was 12.” His father paled and stopped talking immediately.
He never allowed himself to think about Shigaraki. It was hard enough scoring from Dabi and seeing that creepy disgusting face again reminding him what he did to him. What they all did to him.
“ When I was there. I felt alone and lost and then someone older than me, someone who understands me just walks up to me one day and he wants to be friends with me.
“ I hung out with them all day. I smoked the weed that we smuggled in. I forgot why I was there in the first place because I was so gullible and stupid to understand what their real intentions were and then the next thing I know. I'm drugged up and pinned to the ground.” Inside he felt scattered. Laid down and completely vulnerable. He tried to avoid it.
“ You can’t send me back, please dad you can’t. Please, fucking, please don’t.” His father was frozen and he sat still, his eyes slowly watering up.
“ Please. If you fucking love me don’t do this to me! Why the fuck are you guys doing this to me!” That must’ve broken him because his dad started to sob and Katsuki didn’t even know when he started to cry himself.
“I love you Katsuki but I can’t. You have no idea how bad it is right now. How bad it is for us.”
For us?
Shit.
Slowly Katsuki started to piece everything together. His heart pounded and he felt nervous.
Videos? Fuck they had videos of him at the Yakuza party. If they did they probably have videos of doing cocaine.
He tried to get himself together, he calmed himself and laid back on the bed.
“How bad were the videos?” Katsuki asked. His father grabbed a tissue and wiped his tears away. “Your mother isn’t here because she’s dealing with the fallout. It’s getting better and let’s just say you’re lucky Katsuki. You’re a lucky kid.”
He looked down at him. “The last thing I ever wanted to do is send you away again, but you need to be accountable for your actions Katsuki. You’re not the only one being impacted here.”
“What if I don’t want to? I'm almost 18. I’m an adult. I can just leave and never come back.”
“If you do that. I won’t fight you, but would that change anything?” His father asked. No, it wouldn’t katsuki thought.
“This is your last and final chance Katsuki. If you don’t want to go to rehab prove us wrong.”
His father sighed, ”If your mother pulls through you’ll be able to attend the winter banquet and graduate but, you have to be good Katsuki.”
He knew it was wrong deep down. He knew it was fucked up, but he had zero power here and he could only blame himself for it.
He got home on Wednesday and the winter banquet was on Friday. His parents were handling the video situation. So far, all traces have been erased but everyone already watched it.
Their lawyers made some statements. They denied it being him and doubled down on the whole no alcohol and no drugs thing.
His mother really wanted to make it clear that she had strict rules when it came to this.
The public believes them, but he knew everyone else at school didn’t. They knew it was a load of horse shit but also they were pissed off because now the press is going to be on their backs as well. Katsuki understands rich kids. They hate to be threatened, even a hint or a sense of their lives being destroyed they act out.
He also hasn’t talked to his… friends, if he could still call them that, recently. He couldn’t, even a blind person could see something was off with him. It wouldn’t surprise katsuki it they’ve already sharpened their knives, ready to attack him.
He had to be good, just for that day. So throughout all the stupid tailor fittings, and the hair cuts he didn’t complain one single bit because now he needs to be at the winter banquet and be absolutely fucking perfect.
So he had to focus, find himself again, before all this soulmate bullshit. In some way it felt good to destroy himself. He was hopeful that if he broke himself more and more, he could eventually rebuild himself into an entirely new person.
It was genius. He just had to forget. He had to erase Izuku. Erase the memories and the things they did together and keep only the rotten ones but sometimes the feelings stay.
The anxiety came whirling into him like it never left. He hoped he would forget and push it all away, but it was still there. Uncertainty prevailed in front of him and he realized the life that he built in the last four years meant absolutely nothing.
Maybe he has so much anxiety because at the end of the day despite nothing fucking mattering he still had to put on this suit and perform for a bunch of idiots for their money. How was he supposed to rebuild when Izuku was probably going to that venue tonight and when his mom refused to talk to him?
Togethed, they climbed into the car on Friday. The seats smelled like her Chanel perfume and mint.
He tugged at his tie and felt his hair, which was cut at the sides. Looking at the dark glass he saw a reflection of himself.
He blinked his eyes, trying to disappear, and try going somewhere else no one could find but hearing his mother tap on her phone furiously made that hard.
She was likely cursing out her assistant again. She stopped for a second and he wondered, maybe this was his chance to beg. He usually didn’t resort to that but he would do anything at this point.
“ I'm sorry.” He says gripping his hands in his lap. “I didn't mean to go out of control or scare you but I -”
She slammed the phone down on the seat and looked at him as if he was just an insect in her eyes.
“ Do you seriously think saying sorry is going to make me forget what you did?”
“ So I guess you don't care that I almost died.” She narrowed her eyes and glared at him.
“ You didn’t die and you were never going to. Let me explain this to you. You cost a lot of fucking money. Millions exactly I had to have a tube shoved up my body by a scientist in a god damn lab to have you. You’re my only fucking kid, the only kid I could ever have, but you are a goddamn fuck up.”
Katsuki's heart beats against his chest.
“ You cost the company millions of dollars because you wanted to smoke meth in a basement filled with degenerates and sluts arent you disgusted with yourself? Highschool isn't everything but, the winter baquent? That's everything so grow up and stop acting fucking stupid.”
She leaned back in her seat after her rant and went back onto her phone like the conversation they had didn’t matter to her at all. It pissed him off. “ You’re so fucking evil.” He muttered under his breath.
She didn’t falter. “You’re lucky you turned up normal and not a homeless faggot I made the right decision sending you.”
“Did all of those kids also get molested?” He said and his mother looked at him and just laughed in his face.
“Molested? You were never molested and even if you were so fucking what? You wouldn’t be the first boy in the world who's been raped and you won’t be the last, so you need to move on okay. Move the fuck on.” She said, sending a final glare his way.
“Don’t be an idiot tonight Katsuki, If you do something I will lose everything and we will have nothing.” His fist dug into his palms. He wanted to scream or say something back at least but he knew he couldn’t or he’s going to rehab.
The car stopped and they walked out into the venue.
Katsuki felt his mind shut off, the memories held him captive and the overwhelming feeling of them entering his brain felt like the final push he needed.
He’s sure he acted normal, smiling like normal so no one knew what was going on in his fucking mind. Of course no one knows that he was how he felt trapped, backed into a corner like an animal and forced to shake his hands with the hunters. Billionaires and celebrities. Governors and politicians. Models and world leaders and also top U.A. students. His fist ached.
They all stared at him with a gleam in their eyes. Looked at him as if he was somehow the joke of the evening. He remembers spotting Kirishima at one point , and ignoring him immediately. He fucking hated the red haired boy tattled on him but he also didn’t know why he gave a fuck.
Their relationship was strictly mutual; they didn’t go out of their way to make sure each other was okay and definitely not tell parents if there’s a problem. He wondered if he should be his new target, but he didn’t want to go against the man who basically knew about all the illegal shit he’s done.
But he’s itching to punch something. His fist, his anger, he did need it to be directed to someone else or he’ll explode. His mother gave her last smile and went to sit down where katsuki trailed after her having no where else to go.
They were placed at the usual table and headed towards where Enji Todoroki and Shouto Todoroki sat. They greeted each other with a proper hello and a bow before taking their seats. Enji was a massive man. Callback from his past days as a bodybuilder and a wrestler. His flaming red hair had streaks of grey in it. His stare was cold. His eyes are bright blue.
He could tell why people were afraid of him and admired him. He was overpowering, but Katsuki didn’t fall for the facade. The truth is like half of the people in this room he was corrupt. He wasn’t doing tax fraud or insider trading like a lot of wealthy people casually do; he was more of the type of criminal who had no conscience. Business was business and even if it meant working with Yakuza’s he was going to do it.
“ It’s nice to see you healthy Bakugou. How are you doing.” He said.
“ I’m great. Thank you sir.” Katsuki says.
Enji gave a little nod. “ I saw your homecoming game. You’re a good captain.”
“ Thank you sir.” He turned to his mother. “ You must be proud to have a son like that.” He watched as his mother smile. “ Thank you.” She drank her full wine glass until it was empty.
“ Where’s your husband tonight?” Enji questioned. “ I always admired that you guys come in as a strongly connected family unit.” Katsuki wanted to roll his eyes hard.
“He should be here soon. We took an unexpected leave last week and we were tied up with some meetings. He’s handling it though it was so annoying.” She looked at him with a glare in her eyes. She looked back at Enji and smiled as she put on her act.
“Todoroki it’s nice to see you. How have you been?” Todoroki didn't smile as he said “Good.”
“You must be excited. This is your last year in Highschool.” His mom smiled at him. “ I can’t wait.” He said in the same flat monotone voice. Katsuki rolled his eyes. Rich people don’t have interesting conversations.
Enji Todoroki was a very traditional conservative politician. His mother in her own words says he has no sense of intelligence in his monkey brain but she’ll still kiss his ass for a tax exemption for their private yacht.
He disagrees. He thinks Enji Todoroki is a smart man. Although he’s more than incapable of running the country he knows that everything is business at the end of the day. He knows how to make a profit and he sure makes a lot of profit from his family.
That’s how rich people get what they want.
Its how they afford everything by secret deals and whispers in the corner, but this time he couldn’t disguise the bitter taste in his mouth when he looked at his mother manipulate and lie her way into what she wanted, especially after the fucked up shit she said in the car.
Even standing next to her made him feel like shit and he couldn’t hold his smile anymore.
He stood up and walked to the exit to go outside but then when he turned around someone was behind him. “What the fuck are you doing?” He snapped at Todoroki. The boy frowned back at him.
“Do you seriously think you’re the only one that wants to escape that conversation?”
“Well, go somewhere else.” He demanded shooing him away.
“This is the only fucking exit Bakugou not everything is about you.”
“Oh go fuck yourself, I don’t want to be seen next to you, you’re disgusting.” He pushed the door open to the garden.
“What makes you think I don't feel the same way?” Todoroki snapped as they stood toe to toe glaring at each other. “ I find everything you do disturbing at best, psychotic at worst.”
“I think you’re a stupid fucking homo with aids.” He hissed back.
“Oh very clever Bakugou.” He snarled back. “It’s not like I heard that line five hundred times.”
“Are you upset because i’m telling the truth?” Katsuki continued to instigate. I see how you look at Deku like you’ve been wanting to fuck him. Do you? You wanna fuck him Todoroki?”
Todoroki turns to him with eyes of steel. “ No. Do you?” He tilted his head.
Slowly he started to smile which just made Todoroki angrier. Yes, yes, yes. Katsuki wanted a fight so fucking badly he wanted to go back and forth saying the worst things he could think of and he knew Todoroki will fall for it.
“Im not gay. You and Deku are the only faggots here.” He said condiently.
“Fuck you Katsuki.” He got in his face his face angry and his eyebrows furrowed but then the sound of laughter made both of them whip their heads. Katsuki narrowed his eyes at the pale man with matching purple eyes and hair with piercings. Katsuki looked him up and down.
“What the hell are you laughing about? You deaf motherfucker.” Katsuki cursed locking onto his new target like an assassin.
“You two, I’m laughing at both of you. I mean you have to be honest, you guys are a little ridiculous.” Shinsou said, twisting a cig in his hand. “And just wildly shitty people.”
“Your dad.” Shinsou pointed at Todoroki. “ Is vehemently bent on destroying our country with his economic policies to give more money to his rich friends.”
He turned to Katsuki, “and you’re a psychopath that likes to take gay boys into small enclosed spaces with him.” Katsuki's heart dropped. He stomped towards Shinsou. “ What did you just say?” He was the same height as Katsuki but that didn’t stop him from looking down at him.
The man laughed again as if his intimidation was hilarious. “Is this what gets you going? Feeling powerful and dominant.” Katsuki looked at him. “ You tell anyone that fucking rumor I will kill you.”
Shinsou looked at him with fire in his eyes and it was fucking with Katsuki’s head.
“ You straight men think violence is always the answer. I bet your ego is a little bruised isn’t it?” He taunts with a smile on his face. “ The fact is that you-” he turns to Todoroki “- and you have something in common. You’re both pretenders, which would be fine if you both weren’t pretending to be something you’re not.”
“ You don’t know me.” Todoroki growled.
“ I did coke with your brother and then he fucked me on his couch when I was 16. I might not know you but I know your family is the most corrupt, evil people on planet earth and I doubt no less you’re just as evil as they are.”
Todoroki didn’t have a response to that so he clenched his fingers and walked away but not without shoulder checking Shinsou. “Oh I’m sorry, was that too harsh!” He called out as Todoroki stomped away.
He turned to Katsuki and looked him up and down. “What? Wanna fuck me too?” He asked, putting out his cig and suddenly sized him up. “Sorry I don’t like to bottom.”
“ In the bathroom. Tell me what you fucking heard or I’ll ruin your life.” Shinsou smiled, “ Again, straight men always threaten-“ He stepped closer and used all the height he had to his advantage and stared him down.
“I really have nothing left to lose and I can make the rest of your time at UA a living hell.” Shinsou barely reacted but he did watch him carefully, his purple eyes studying him and it was irritating. It was also driving him crazy. He wanted to know the truth.
“Maybe I heard something, maybe I didn't, what does it matter to you Katsuki?”
“Because you were spying on me. I know it. So tell me what you heard.”
“I’m not interested in your drama Bakugou or telling the entire school what you guys are.” He said calmly.
“And what are we,” he growled.
Shinsou smiled again before he quietly whispered. “ If you can’t accept the universe telling you your soulmates, what’s the fucking point in me repeating something you think is invalid unless you finally accept the fact that your a fucking fag too.”
Katsuki stared at him, he didn’t have a response to that and Shinsou was aware. He stepped away from him calmly and walked away without another word.
Katsuki felt like his whole entire mask just shattered and fell to the ground in an instance. He should’ve done something, he should’ve knocked that disgusting meth head in the face for implying he was gay.
But he did know. He did know him and Izuku were soulmates this whole entire time and he never said anything.
Katsuki looked around although no one was looking at him he felt watched.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was losing control again and it was slipping out of his fingers. He thought originally he could handle this but he couldn’t. He looked around the garden and eyes were on him. They were all looking at him freaking the fuck out, and they probably all heard what Shinsou said.
A fag. That’s what the all think about him, that’s what the all perceive him as. Did Izuku know about this, did he make jokes too? Was he laughing behind his back, spreading rumors about them, did he also think he was gay.
No. It was impossible. He never thought about Izuku or any man that way. He was disgusted by it, by all of it. Shinsou was just putting shit in his mind, stuff that didn’t even make sense.
He needed to run away, he needed to get the fuck out.
He walked back inside but immediately he caught his eye. Izuku was talking with Iida, his mouth and his hands moving fast. His eyes glowed with something that Katsuki hasn’t seen in a long time.
His hair was long and curly his skin still pale making his freckles stand out.
It felt like he hadn't seen him in years when it’s only been a few weeks.
He wanted him to look at him. At that moment it clicked. From that moment in the locker rooms, their first heart glows, everything changed.
It made every touch, every taste dull even with Camie it still wasn’t enough he was left empty and emotionally dry.
He wonders if Izuku felt the same way or was he not affected like he was. Of fucking course he was. He was affected by the same disease that kept them from moving on, but he had Shindo, he had someone and Katsuki had nothing.
He went back to the bar. Looking to find something to calm these rampant thoughts in his head when he saw a younger kid in the corner secretly drinking out of a flask from his pocket.
Katsuki looked at the water at the table and made a quick impulsive decision.
He stomped over there and without saying a word he took the flask.
He heard the kid protest but he still took a big swing of the flask tasting the cheap vodka and put the rest in his pocket.
The buzz made him feel less heavy, but he wanted more. He needed something else, or maybe someone.
“ Fuck.” He said and speed off leaving the kid in anger and confusion.
He walked straight up to Sero who was currently standing by himself minding his business.
“ I need coke. Now.” He says in a hurry Sero looked at him.
“ Dude- “
“ I’ll give you ten grand.” He offered.
“ This ain’t about the money, dude and be quiet.” Sero cautiously looked around. “You’ve been going to the Chisakis.” He turned back to him.
“ So fucking what?”
“ So fucking what? That’s my competition. No, fuck competition those are my fucking enemies and all you’ve been doing is hanging around them Did you know they tried killing me once? A fucking car was tracking me for months and then-”
“ I don’t give a fuck. You’re a dealer what the fuck did you expect you dumbass. Now, I know you have coke on you so give it to me now.”
Sero looked at him, “Make it 15k.” He says. Katsuki slapped the money in his hands and walked away with a vial of coke and a flask filled with alcohol. He smiled to himself.
He hid once again. He knew at this point his mother and his bodyguard was probably wondering where he was.
He spread some of his finger and sniffed it instantly. He felt it hit his brain in the way that it made everything much more exciting.
He didn’t know how he’s getting away with this.
He’s mother was definitely going to drug test him when he gets home, but that was a later problem.
He went back out, and headed back to his table feeling much more clear headed and less irritated than before. He smiled as he sat down next to his mother and greeted his father who finally arrived.
“Nice to join us again Bakugou,” Enji says smirk on his face and now a plate in front of him. “ I knew you weren’t a fan of politics but I didn’t know I was that boring.”
A laugh bursted out of him. He didn’t know why but now everything Enji said was funny and he suddenly loved to laugh. He calmed down, “ You're really funny.” He says taking a big bite of his steak.
“Katsuki.” He turned to his father.
“Yeah?” He said mouth filled with food.
“Is everything okay?” He asked.
“Yes, yes everything fine actually everything is fucking wonderful I feel so happy.” He said poping another piece.
“But I gotta tell you Enji, can I call you Enji?” He asked slowly chewing a big piece of steak and then chugging some water. “You really are a piece of shit.” He says
“Katsuki!”
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Oh am I?” Enji raised his large red eyebrows. “ And why do you feel that way Bakugou?” Katsuki pointed at him.
“You raped your wife didn’t you? To have him.” He pointed at Todoroki.
“Jesus mother fucking Christ.” He heard his mother whisper. Enji didn’t look teetered though in fact it looked like he was invited to challenge him.
“That’s just a rumor Katsuki, that the news spreads about me.”
Something about that was so funny to him that he couldn’t help laughing. “ Dabi told me motherfucker! He told me-” He banged his fist on the table multiple times. “ That he heard you doing it. He said that your wife didn’t want to have any more kids but you needed one for your campaign.” He chugged a glass of water and slammed it down.
“Isn’t that so fucked up no wonder he’s a fucking Yazuka.” He took another bite as the table went silent.
Katsuki laughed again, chuckling to himself. “I mean, people get raped all the time though so it’s not a big deal. Right mom.” He smiled at her as her face looked absolutely fucking apoplectic.
He shrugged and continued to eat until he was done and then he stood up, tossed his napkin on the table and announced that he had to go piss. He wobbled a little bit as he passed through a group of people. His balance was obviously off and he felt like he couldn’t make his legs walk. He suddenly froze.
What… the actual fuck is wrong with him?
Not to mention he thought everything was funny and suddenly he was super fucking horny.
His heart couldn’t stop beating and he felt warm all over as if he doesn’t sink his teeth into someone’s skin right now and fuck them, he was going to die.
“ Young man.” He heard a voice beside him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m fucking fine leave me alone.” He says before stumbling away again. Whatever he took wasn’t fucking coke. This was something completely different. He tried getting his phone out but it slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor. He put his hands on his head again and just laughed.
It was fucking escasty, Molly, which made him act fucking stupid. Fuck Sero. He tried to calm himself down but he felt thirsty and before he knew it he took another big swing of his flask.
He stood by the side and looked at Izuku who was now at his table with Uraraka and Iida. He felt himself slipping again and the dangerous thoughts that locked him up were coming back.
These thoughts, it was these thoughts he had to get control of. He needed to remember this wasn’t him, it was Izuku in his head.
Fuck, what did Izuku say, that they were toxic and they needed to stay away from eachother?
Katsuki thinks that’s bullshit. It felt deeper than just that. Katsuki couldn’t calm down his impulses. It whispered in his ear to grab Izuku and take him away from everyone else.
Katsuki wanted to watch him, careful not to make it obvious, because they have an agreement but he was sure Izuku knew that he was testing their boundaries and limits and they both know how obviously they’re failing at the “ staying away from each other” part of their agreement.
He drank until the flask was empty.
He didn’t know what he was doing anymore. The alcohol tasted bitter on his tongue.
His head was spinning and the guilt of his mistakes hit him when he realized what he’s done.
Fuck. He was shitfaced at this winter banquet,
Katsuki laughed, cackled until he coughed. His parent were definitely going to send him to fucking rehab.
He didn’t care anymore. He was going to run away anyways. Fuck this, fuck all of this bullshit.
He walked away until he was outside again. No one was there except for him. He tore off his suit and tie.
He smiled while doing it.
He was cold, he really fucking hated the cold but for now, It was fine. He slid down the side of the building and he closed his eyes. Everything that he used to know was now fucked up.
The snow topped the ground and in the dark night they looked like tiny specs of dust.
He closed his eyes and tilted his head up his face to the cold winter sky. He didn’t understand the point of even being here.
Everyone knew he overdosed and knew he was a fucking failure. He was going to get kicked off the football team, he’ll most likely lose his top placement if he didn’t already. The alphas, his reputation that was all down the fucking drain.
And what did he even have left? A soulmate who hates him, a family who hates him and a country who really fucking hates him.
He knew he wasn’t the victim. He voluntarily put himself here but he also knew that if he never took Izuku to the locker room that day. No, if he never saved Izuku’s life that day they wouldn’t be here now.
He wondered maybe, if he didn’t scream at him or if he controlled his emotions and his anger better then maybe him and Izuku would still be something.
Katsuki laughed again. No, he’s pretty sure they’re destined to be like this. Slowly he heard footsteps walking towards him. He already sensed that he was there.
Katsuki opened his eyes, looked at him up and down like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. They stared at each other in complete silence.
The weird ache in his chest came back but it felt alive. Izuku narrowed his eyes.
“What are you looking at?” He grumbled and stuffed his head into his arm. Katsuki couldn’t figure out what Izuku was thinking.
Of course the moment he’s thinking about Izuku he appears.
“Are you actually drunk right now?” Izuku asked. Katsuki threw the empty flask on the ground. Izuku huffed, “Of fucking course you are.” He picked up the flask and threw it away.
He didn’t know what to say, or where to go from here. He felt like Izuku knew that too. It was like they were trying to learn how to communicate with each other again. He wondered if Izuku felt the chest aches and the sleepless nights too.
The deep black night usually hides people’s faces but he could see Izuku clearly as if he were the sun himself.
He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. Every time he spotted him in a crowd he thought it was luck that he found him so easily but his heart knew that Izuku was more than that.
And it signaled to his brain to shine a spotlight on him no matter where he went. No surface on this planet he could go will allow him to escape Izuku.
Now he was standing in front of him with furrows in his eyebrows. He wasn’t sure if he was concerned or disgusted or maybe both.
“ Why?” He asked softly. “Why are you trying to kill yourself?”
“Don’t act like you don’t wanna get drunk too.”
“Do you even know how fucked up it is? Watching you waste away like this. Give up?”
Adrenaline rushed through his veins and he was on his feet. “Give up?” He hissed. “ I didn’t give up Deku you did!”
He pointed a finger right in his chest. “When did I give up Bakugou?” His last name uttered through those pink lips felt fucked up.
“Don’t call me that.” He growled, his voice dropping. He looked Izuku in his deep green eyes seeing him as clearly as he would see him in the sun in the background of the night.
“Why? We’re strangers, remember.”
“Then why the fuck are you here?” He snarled in his face.
“I needed space because being here is kinda fucking miserable!” He screamed his voice raw and exhausted. It was unnatural.
Their faces were cold, their hands without gloves or a coat. He felt his heartbeat in his throat. A familiar emotion ran through him, one that he felt when he saw the picture of him and Izuku back in his bedroom.
It was the last photo they took together right before he left.
“Do you remember our last day of middle school?” He said and Izuku paused to look at him silently.
“I remember bullies coming after me. I remember fighting them back and losing disastrously. It was the first time I fought by myself.”
“You ended with a fractured foot, remember.”
“ Yeah… I was so upset because I couldn’t ride my bike which meant I couldn’t visit you.” Izuku quickly shut his mouth.
“I came after them.” He said
Izuku shook his head,” I don’t remember that.”
Katsuki paused, “ I honestly don’t remember it that much either.”
Then it was silence again. They’ve been very silent lately, maybe because there’s way too much stuff to talk about. Then Izuku decided to ask the dreadful question.
“Where did you go?”
Katsuki shook his head. “It doesn’t matter Deku.”
He didn’t know why but that just made Izuku angry. “You know what, fuck you.” He paced walking back and forth.
“I’m done okay.” He said. “Okay, let’s say you knew this entire time I was gay then why the hell did you keep being friends with me? You helped me fight against my bullies, you said you were going to change highschools for me. You said that you’ll do anything for me, so why did you change?”
“You said you loved me.”
“And I still do!” Izuku yells. “ Do you know how messed up that is Katsuki? Your fucking psychotic and for some reason I’m still here.”
“I guess we both did things we didn’t understand.”
“Oh fuck you, no, you don’t get to escape accountability katsuki. You killed people you hurt people you sent them to suicide.”
“I never-”
“Tokoyami wanted to fucking kill himself because of you. His brother told me, he told me it was your fault! Are you that fucking blind to not see why you’re a disgusting piece of shit?"
Katsuki looked down. He tried to hold his emotions down and not them show on his face but if he was being really fucking honest this whole thing was making him feel a lot more tighter in his pants.
Izuku looked hauntingly different. His confidence made him glow and his anger was tantalizing .
“I’m stuck with you but if I knew the day when you pushed me into the lockers and spat slurs at me it would be the day I found out you were my soulmate... I’ll do whatever I could to never meet you.”
He stayed silent. Even on drugs he couldn’t find this funny.
“ I’m so tired of being sad, Katsuki. I just feel this pit of sadness and I want it gone but it’s not going away… is it?”
Katsuki looked at him and shook his head. Like ink on a paper there’s no fixing what katsuki had already done.
Izuku paused for a second collecting himself before he continued. “I think I felt you die.” He says.
"I-I don’t know but I felt something and then my heart glowed.” He looked at him, his eyes green and shiny. It was pity and Katsuki loathed pity but Izuku’s eyes showed much more concern than his own mother did.
“Do you still believe that we’re toxic and that we need to stay away from each other?”
Izuku shrugged, “ I don’t know.”
Katsuki sighed, “Where did you even hear that from?”
Izuku went silent and because Katsuki knew him, he knew exactly what Izuku had done.
“We should’ve went to a fucking consultant rather than asking your idiot friends for advice.” He said bitterly. Izuku's looked angry, the sadness wiped off his face and loathing replaced it once again. “You are the worst person on planet earth!” He screamed into the night.
“ I fucking told you and y-you, I’m so angry I can’t even speak right now.” For some reason that made him laugh. Izuku didn’t like that so he pushed him into the wall.
“Fuck you stop laughing asshole!”
“I can’t!” He said gasping for air, grinning.
“I’m going to hit you!”
“It will hurt you more dumbass!”
“I don’t fucking care!”
Katsuki laughed again. His laugh echoed off of the buildings. Laughing until his face was red and tears ran down his cheeks.
He opened his eyes just to see Izuku really still. He was watching him, studying him carefully. Katsuki calmed down, his chuckles fading out.
“How much do you hate me right now?” He asked Izuku's emerald eyes suddenly turned hard.
“I fucking loathe you.”
“I hate you too.” Katsuki said as he took off Izuku’s jacket, shrugging it down until it plopped on the snow.
“Do you?” That came out of Izuku so fucking fast Katsuki didn’t catch it at first but then when he realized, he didn’t want to say anything else. He grabbed him and flipped their position until Izuku was pressed against the wall. His dick was hard.
He tugged Izuku’s hair roughly as Izuku hastily grabbed onto him and started to fucking grind his cock against his. Just like what him and Shindo were doing the other night.
The suit pants they wore made it difficult so Katsuki didn’t know why he liked it, The coldness didnt affect them as their bodies heated up.
He looked down at Izuku who was moaning. His head leaned back exposing his pale neck. Katsuki leaned down to bite it and then sucked on it letting out another delicious moan that made Katsuki lose his fucking mind. He grinded his hard leaking cock against Izuku’s, grabbing Izuku’s hands and forced them up with his free hand.
“ Kacchan-“ Katsuki bent down, letting Izuku's hands go and swallowed his words using his tongue to lick into his mouth as they push against each other fusing into one human being.
They continued to do it for only a few minutes but those minutes were godly. Izuku gripped onto katsuki's shoulder when Katsuki took both of their cocks out. He never had anything like it before. He never dreamed that this could happen.
He never felt his brain so fucking disorganized at all, but he felt good. Izuku whined and moaned while Katsuki growled, biting him up or licking and sucking his tiny mouth. He tried not to think that he was doing this with Izuku, how much pleasure he was getting from this but then he heard Izuku gasp.
He looked down and saw their cocks pressed together. His mind suddenly filled with flashbacks and memories but Izuku broke him out of that when he muttered a soft and worn out.
“Kacchan-"
That must have done it because he only had a few seconds before he came all over his body and Izuku’s.
Then he heard it, a loud groan, his hair being grabbed and a sigh of resignation and disbelief. He watched Izuku look down. His eyes glassy and shiny, his face red and his clothes disheveled.
And what he did next was fucking feral he took his pinky finger swiped it over katsuki’s dick gathering some of the cum and put it in his mouth.
Katsuki stared at him and Izuku stared back, not registering what he did.
Then their hearts started glowing, of course the feeling was amazing, but also captivating as the blue and orange lights mix together creating a green and purple mixture at the end. Katsuki also felt his chest get better. His head was less muddled and everything more clear.
Soulmates.
They were soulmates. Katsuki was so distracted though by the mixture of bright colors he didn’t notice Izuku freaking out. He heard a sob come from the other boy as he pushed katsuki away and trembled as he pulled up his pants.
Katsuki reached to touch him but Izuku flinched. He was muttering something “This isn’t right, this isn’t right.” He said as tears fell down his pale cheeks .
Fuck.
“Deku-”
He felt the smack on his check before he saw it coming. His head turned to the side. Izuku looked shocked too but then he looked down feeling his chest realizing he wasn’t feeling any pain.
“Huh, I guess we should’ve done that sooner.” He joked, but Izuku was livid.
“Fuck you!” Izuku yelled “ You, why the fuck did you let us do that? I have a boyfriend I have- oh shit.” Izuku hurriedly ran back inside the lobby. Katsuki followed because he didn’t know what else to do tucking his dick back into his pants as he walked.
“ He's a Yazuka did you know that?”
Izuku turned around. “Yeah, Bakugou I actually did because unlike you my boyfriend doesn’t hide stuff from me.”
Katsuki stared at him, shocked.
“Really? And you’re fine with that?”
Izuku didn’t say a word, he just looked at him with a very lethal glare.
“So does Shindo know we’re soulmates?” Katsuki asked.
“You said you were going to kill me if I said anything. Did you forget that? Or when you assumed that I told my friends and then tried to choke me to death.”
“He’s probably your fucking stalker.” Izuku looked surprised and quiet for the first time they spoke.
“In fact he’s probably watching us right now. He probably already knows what we did.” Katsuki pointed out which only made Izuku madder.
“And how do I know you’re not my stalker?” Katsuki laughed not a escasty laugh but a genuinely what the fuck laugh.
“And why the fuck would I do that.”
“Well to quote yourself you wanted to drive us to the point of insanity.” He said, “ I mean I guess it fucking worked right. I feel insane. I cheated on my boyfriend with my bully no, with my stalker.”
“I’m your soulmate.” Katsuki pleaded.
“You’re high and you’re drunk and you're nothing to me.” Izuku says.
“You said you still loved me.”
Izuku's just shrugged, “Who could ever love a monster like you. Maybe the universe did get it wrong this time.” He said before walking away.
He felt sick all of a sudden. He realized what he’s done. Fuck what did he just do? Did this mean that he was gay? Did this mean he liked Izuku?
His head started to spin and his face began to feel warm he felt himself spiraling again and the disastrous drop back into depression. He didn’t know how he got back to his seat to the table.
He just remembered his mom looking at him with anger and his fathers eyes held concern and pity.
“Don’t you have something to say Katsuki?” Masura tried, pointing to Enji Todoroki who was less than happy with his presence. He didn’t say anything really. He couldn't regret what he said because it was true.
“It’s fine, I don’t need an apology. I've dealt with a lot of people in my career focused on defaming me. Katsuki wasn’t the first and he definitely won’t be the last” Enji starts, “But, let's get this clear, Katsuki Bakugou.” He leaned forward to stare down at him.
“The next time you speak badly about my family or mention my disowned son again, I will personally make sure every journalist in this room knows you’re high and drunk right now, just right after you got out of the hospital for an overdose and I’ll ruin you for good.” Katsuki was frozen as the man leaned back with a smug smile on his face.
“Let’s just fucking go.” His mother says, standing up drinking the rest of her wine and setting it down on the table. His father apologized and also stood up but Katsuki just stared down Enji.
He didn’t know why but his impulses were going crazy and it hasn’t even begun to spike yet. Whatever fucking drugs Sero sold him were working him in ways they’ve never done before.
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Let’s go Katsuki!” His mother demanded her voice raise at the end.
“No, actually I think it’s time to be honest here. Yes you bastard I am a drug addict!” He said, waving his arms around.
“And you’re a fucking pussy! You won’t go to the press because you hate them like you hate all of these events and how you hate yourself and your family. I don’t even need to speak because Todoroki knows. Right Todoroki?”
Todoroki looked uncomfortable looking at his dad and then looking back at Katsuki. He then made a very confused face as if he was telepathically trying to ask him what the fuck he was doing.
But only Katsuki really understood, because unlike the dumbasses that stood around he now had fucking control. He leaned forward, looking straight into hard blue eyes.
“You funded millions of that illegal money you got from those Yakuzas into hospitals and then you hired a bunch of shady people to fuck those patients up. Well, guess what it worked.” He snarled “ You fucked me up. You fucked my entire life up.”
Enji was now taken off guard. His confidence wavering, so like men did, he stood up, puffed his big chest out and, glared down.
“You're drunk and your pupils are larger than your iris. You're obviously making false claims because you're not in the right mental state.”
He shook his head “No.” He said his whole body was shivering with adrenaline.“ I know it was real because I was sent there.”
“If you don’t stop now forget rehab, I’m sending you to a fucking mental hospital.” His mother hissed and tries to grab him to get him to leave but Katsuki was way too fucking pumped. It left him feeling like he was on top of the fucking world.
“Im going to kill you.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“No, it’s just a fucking promise.” He growled as he held his steak knife tightly in his hands. “You’re a disgusting piece of shit and I hope you rot in fucking hell.”
Enji's eyes were steel. “You should take Katsuki home, he looks unwell.” He says looking at his parents ignoring Katsuki. He didn’t like it so he stood on the table. “ Admit you liar!” He screamed.
“Katsuki!”
“It was your fault, everything is your fucking fault, get off of me!” He then quickly grabbed a plate and threw it on the ground.
“Say it! Say what you did.” Enji didn’t speak.
“Say it!”
But he didn’t talk. Of course he didn't. He smiled up at him as Katsuki made a fool of himself in a room filled with powerful people.
Katsuki fell to his knees slowly.
He looked again at Todoroki who was just shocked by the scene in front of him, but of course not only him but everyone around them including Izuku.
His eyes were wide, he could still see the marks he left on him.
He wanted to kill him too, he fucked with him twice now and katsuki felt anger enter his system that he hasn’t felt in the last four years.
Katsuki looked down at the steak knife, his face reflected by the metal, his hair wild, his eyes red and his clothes all torn up.
He looked like an angel from hell.
“Kacchan.”
“Katsuki, let’s just go home. Please.” A voice called out.
“Kacchan I love you.”
Katsuki cried and shook his head. “No one believes me dad.” He turned to him.
His father didn’t say a word. He didn’t say anything as his eyes were wet and red.
“Katsuki. Let’s just handle this at home okay.” He begged to reach out his hand but Katsuki already made his decision.
Without hesitation he grabbed the steak knife and wrenched it right into Enji’s hand.
Screaming and blood, a lot of blood as it spurted from his hand and onto the table. Katsuki watched it gleefully before he was knocked over onto the ground seconds later.
He heard yelling, a lot of yelling, glass breaking and his father shouting above the noise.
He laid on the ground his hands put behind his back and the last thing he remembered before completely blacking out again was Izuku’s green eyes that reflected their heart glow.
He welcomed the dark again and went back to his fleeting little dream.
————————————————-
His mother was crying. She never cried.
It was midnight and Katsuki was in a room. Service agents and bodyguards tackled him and removed him into a room as the police came to question him and possibly take him away.
He already knew what the decision was going to be but unfortunately until then he was in a room with fucking Aizawa.
The dark haired man was disheveled. He was sure he was one of the men yelling or attacking him based on how ruffled he looked but he wasn’t completely sure.
Anyways, he stared down at him and then let out a large sigh. “I know it’s hard Mrs. Bakugou, but you have to stop crying before the police come back.”
“My whole life is over and you think that’s not something to cry over?”
“You just found out your son has been harassing our students for four years and stabbed one of the most powerful men in Japan.”
“Don’t you feel any guilt at all?” Aizawa questioned.
She sighed softly, “ Are you preaching to me right now? Do you think you can do a better job at raising my son than me?”
“Yes, and maybe if I did your child wouldn’t turn into a bully.”
Aizawa turned back to him. “Katsuki.” He called out to him.
“Do you have anything to say?”
Katsuki looked down, silently not daring to say a word.
“No? Fine.” Aizawa slapped the stack of papers on the desk. “You're expelled from U.A. You haven’t finished your final exams so you won’t be handed a diploma. Expect a restraining order and a court date.”
Aizawa stood still. “It's sad to see you choose this path, Katsuki.” He says before waking out and closing the door behind him. It was just Katsuki and his parents. His mother looked towards the side of the room.
“Pack your stuff today because I want you gone by tomorrow.” She said as she quickly exited the room too.
And now it was just Katsuki and his father. They sat there in the silence that stretched on. It always felt like no matter the situation, the outcome was always the same.
Katsuki looked down and his fingers. They were clean but he could smell the metallic odor. “I still have blood on my hands.” He decided that was the first thing to speak out loud. He played with it. Rubbed it against his fingers.
Katsuki thought about how Izuku looked at him before he was knocked out and before then the way he slid against him. He felt like that moment he doomed himself.
He laid his head down on the table in front of him.
His father didn’t say anything as he watched Katsuki drift off to sleep he heard a -
“I’m sorry Katsuki.”
And Katsuki, feeling like he was finally in control of his life said -
“ Fuck you.” His father crumbled apart and got up to walk to the exit.
Expelled.
He smiled.
Closed his eyes.
Peace.