Chapter Text
“I made a list,” Tommy said apropos nothing when Buck came back inside from his early morning yoga session.
They’d come home from the wildfire front only one day ago, and had used that day to shower, rest, and eat. They had to be back on shift in another 48 hours, so for now, they could spend their time as they saw fit. It was surprising what a good night’s sleep in their own bed and a home cooked meal could do for them after sleeping in cots and eating the ready-made stuff that reminded Buck of school cafeterias.
They’d gotten up surprisingly early, but after sleeping their fill, Buck wasn’t surprised. They’d done yoga together for a bit, but Tommy had cut it shorter than Buck so he could start making breakfast. Odin was already chowing down on his own.
“What list?” Buck asked, grabbing the cup of coffee waiting for him on the kitchen counter. Then, his brain caught up. They had only talked about one list recently. “Wait, wait what?”
“I made that list,” Tommy said again, and put an honest-to-God piece of paper down on the kitchen counter.
So. Tommy had. Tommy had made an actual list of sexual acts to work through, which was unbelievably cruel because right now, there was nothing that Buck could do about it. God, he’d broken out the clipboard and everything. Buck was so attracted to him.
He reached out to grab the list and take a look at it. “Where’s eating your ass on that list?” he asked, but Tommy snatched it up and held it out of reach.
“Breakfast first,” he said. “Come on.”
Rolling his eyes, Buck did follow Tommy to the table. Since their shared blowjobs, they hadn’t really done much. A handy here and there. That was how they’d done it the first time around, too, when they didn’t have a lot of time between their shifts not lining up. Buck had forgotten about the list entirely in the middle of work and the wildfires, but now that he remembered, he really wanted to know what Tommy had written down.
Once they were sat down with their plates loaded with the breakfast Tommy typically made on their days off – scrambled eggs, bacon, breakfast rolls that Buck had made, fruit salad, and obviously coffee – Buck couldn’t help himself but try and reach for the clipboard lying next to Tommy.
Only Tommy was faster, always keeping it out of reach. Buck huffed, trying to annoy Tommy into letting him see by gently kicking him under the table, but Tommy simply caught his legs between his own, holding onto them, and Buck sort of melted. A morning shared with breakfast, tangling their legs under the table, their cat lying dozing on the window sill. This was everything Buck had ever wanted with Tommy.
With that, he settled himself back down. They ate, made idle conversation about things that needed to be done – there was a hole in the fence, and Tommy wanted to fix that before Odin found it and tried to escape into the neighbor’s garden when they let him roam outside. They had planned a meetup with their rock climbing group the next day, and Buck wanted to check their harnesses and ropes over before then.
But Buck had nothing if not a one-track-mind, and when they were done with breakfast and quietly cleaning up together, his eyes kept flicking back to the clipboard. He tried to be patient and helped Tommy clean the dishes and put everything away. He knew Tommy would make him wait longer if he tried to rush him because he liked being an asshole sometimes.
They went back outside to the back patio once they were done. The morning was warming up already, and when they had the time, they liked to sit in their garden. It was nice here. Buck could finally appreciate all of it now. Still, he kept his sunglasses with him.
“Can I see the damn list now?” Buck asked when they were settled into their chairs.
Tommy rolled his eyes with a fond smile and finally handed the thing over. Buck grabbed it before he could change his mind. The list was written in Tommy’s neat block letters, and Buck’s eyebrows shot up at the number one thing at the top of the page.
“Anal as the first thing?” he asked. “I thought you would want to make your way there slowly.”
Tommy shrugged. “The way I see it, if I can keep you guided through that, I can definitely keep you guided through scenes and stuff we used to do. So, yeah, anal is the first of these things I wanna tackle with you.”
And Buck was decidedly not complaining about that. He continued to read through the list. The first point was followed by the things Buck had expected – rimming, namely. Cockwarming, edging, choking, sensory deprivation, restrains, and toys followed, getting a place on the list depending on how taxing on Buck’s senses Tommy had decided they were. As such, dildos and plugs were obviously higher on the list than their vibrating counterparts.
“So, we’re working through all of them today and tomorrow, right?” Buck asked with a grin.
With an eyeroll accompanied by a grin, Tommy took the list back. “We’re not doing any of these. We’re sticking with what we know so far.”
Buck couldn’t stop the frown from taking over his face. Slowly, his bottom lip pushed out. “Why not?” he asked.
Tommy leaned in and kissed Buck’s pout. “Because we don’t have the time, and there’s no saying we can even work our way through number one without collateral damage.” He kissed Buck again, and this time, Buck kissed him back. “Besides, I did lose control last time.”
That was met with a shrug from Buck. He had felt it, yes, that moment when Tommy had come when his guidance had dropped for a moment. Buck hadn’t really thought that much of it. Nothing bad had happened, Tommy had caught himself and Buck hadn’t zoned.
“For my peace of mind,” Tommy said now, ducking his head a little to meet Buck’s eyes in a move Buck usually did to him when he wanted something from him.
Feeling a little cowed at that, Buck nodded and leaned in so he could kiss Tommy. He’d mostly been joking about pouting about the list. He knew that the reason why Tommy wanted to postpone wasn’t because he didn’t want Buck, that wasn’t the issue. He didn’t fully trust his abilities as a Guide in this aspect, and it was up to Buck to show him that there was no reason for it.
So, Buck could be patient. They could stick to what they’d already done, and Buck could make Tommy see that everything was okay.
“Can I suck you off, then?” he asked with a half-grin.
Instead of a verbal reply, all he got was Tommy’s whole hand covering his face and pushing him back. Buck laughed, flailing his arms a little when he almost fell out of his lawn chair. He took Tommy’s hand and held onto it, squeezing it.
“Getting kinda mixed signals here,” Buck said. “First, you make me a list, with the clipboard and everything, and now, you won’t let me blow you?”
It got a laugh out of Tommy, who pulled Buck’s hand close and kissed his knuckles. “Be patient,” he said with mirth in his eyes. “We just had breakfast.”
With a put upon sigh and a smile too big to make said sigh convincing, Buck leaned back in his chair, letting their hands swing between them. “Guess I can wait a bit,” he said teasingly.
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They returned to their next shift and their regular work. Tracy asked them about their time at the wildfires, and her and the others told Buck stories of their own times up there. They continued to talk about it even during calls. Tracy and Tommy flew together whenever the medics didn’t need to be in the air, and Buck liked listening to them sharing stories about people they’d both met during wildfires and seen again recently.
There was nothing out of the ordinary during this shift. Nobody had said the q-word, nobody said anything about a cursed artifact, nobody brought brownies to the station. And yet, there was something in Buck’s stomach, a tightness that wasn’t there normally. He’d grown accustomed to listening to these sorts of feelings, but this time, it didn’t feel like trouble. It felt like anticipation. Something was lying in wait for him, and he wasn’t convinced it was a bad thing, necessarily.
It was in the middle of the shift after coming back from another hiking accident – this time, it was a teenager stuck up a tree by the hiking trail because they thought they’d seen a wolf – when Buck realized what his feeling was about, because it was only then that Buck finally noticed that Richie was acting- kinda shifty. He kept looking at Buck, and at Tommy, and Buck noticed a couple of times that either he or Miriam tried to approach the two of them, only to be interrupted by someone else or by the klaxons.
But they finally had some downtime. Tommy was doing maintenance on the chopper, and Buck was helping him. That was, he sat with him, handed him the equipment he needed, and stared at Tommy’s hands clad in his mechanic gloves.
That was when Richie finally took the opportunity to come to them and ask them to follow him to his office.
Buck and Tommy shared twin looks of uncertainty. Nothing bad had happened after Ari’s tumble out of the helicopter. They had done their work well and stuck to the rules while they’d been at the wildfire front. Buck had talked a bit with some of the smoke jumpers and shown interest in what they did, but Buck didn’t think that would warrant Richie wanting to have a talk with him, right?
The atmosphere in Richie’s office wasn’t as pressing as Buck had expected. So nothing bad. That was what his gut feeling had been telling him, too. Miriam was already there, sitting on the other side of the desk, legs crossed and leafing through some paperwork in front of her.
Her eyes flickered over Buck and Tommy, and she huffed out a laugh at whatever she saw on their faces. “Relax, you two. This isn’t anything bad.”
“We’ll see about that,” Tommy murmured as he took a seat.
Furrowing his brow, Buck tried to catch his eyes, but Tommy avoided him. That made Buck frown harder and he reached out for Tommy’s hand. That, Tommy didn’t refuse him – small mercies. Buck didn’t know what to expect from this talk, but it seemed Tommy did, and he wasn’t willing to share with the class.
Richie took his seat. He looked between Buck and Tommy, seemingly collecting his thoughts. Buck watched his posture, the way he leaned on the desk. He looked- he looked tired. He always held himself with a straight back, with that stern face and those kind eyes that looked almost out of place on him. But here, his face showed an exhaustion that he hadn’t shown before. Buck felt bad that he hadn’t noticed before.
“There’s something I wanted to talk about with you two, specifically,” Richie opened the conversation. “As you might have noticed, Miriam and I have been involving you more in a couple of things.”
Looking back, Buck only now realized it. The talk with Ari – Buck and Tommy hadn’t been needed, not really – and now the wildfires, and ever since Buck had joined Harbor station, he remembered calls where Richie and Miriam had asked them for their opinions or relegated some tasks to them.
After both Tommy and Buck confirmed with a nod, it was Miriam who continued. “We’ve been considering this for a while. And we’ve been watching the two of you ever since you registered as a duo. Both of you have been with the LAFD for a very long time now.” Almost ten years for Buck. Closer to twenty years for Tommy. “Buckley, you’ve been with air ops for just a year now, but your experience really showed itself. You’re one of the best men in the department.”
There was a blush on his face, Buck was sure. But when he glanced over at Tommy, he saw him looking almost deflated. What was going on with that?
With a sigh, Richie revealed, “My zones have been getting worse and worse over the years. Especially this year.”
“Yeah,” Tommy said roughly. “I know.”
Of course he did. Tommy was a Guide. He’d probably been able to feel it even if he wasn’t bonded to Richie. Buck himself hadn’t noticed, and he felt guilt churn in his stomach for it. He didn’t know how he was supposed to notice, all things considered. Sentinels weren’t in tune with each other. And Harbor station worked differently than the 118 – there was no tight-knit family-like structure. Buck wasn’t this captain’s kid.
“They have been getting better ever since we were able to let you two shoulder some of the weight,” Miriam said before Buck could start panicking. “But there’s no saying how they’re going to develop. We’ve been looking at retirement. Or at least the preparations for it.”
“The first of which,” Richie continued, “is to find a successor.” He sent them a pointed look.
It hit Buck immediately. He sat up straighter, feeling electrified. A successor to Richie’s spot as Harbor’s captain. Someone he was going to prepare for that spot. But not just anyone, he was considering- Buck and Tommy? The two of them, a duo, like Richie and Miriam?
Feeling excitement coursing through him, Buck looked over at Tommy again, only to see that Tommy still didn’t look any happier to be here. His shoulders were slumped forward, and there was a tightness between his brows. Buck felt himself deflate again. What was going on here? Was Tommy not excited about this possible promotion?
“I was wondering when you were finally gonna ask,” Tommy said, voice sounding flat and defeated.
The look that Miriam and Richie shared, wide-eyed and unsure, told Buck that they, too, hadn’t expected Tommy to seem this downtrodden about the news. Buck squeezed his hand, and Tommy looked over at him with an unapologetic smile.
“I’m flattered,” Tommy said, casting a guilty look at Buck, “but I won’t give up flying for this.”
Buck paused. Oh. He hadn’t even thought about that. It made sense that Richie had probably been scoping Tommy out for a while now, and Tommy had ignored it because he had never planned on accepting the offer. But now, Tommy was tied to Buck, and Buck was tied to him, and this was everything Buck had wanted. It clearly wasn’t what Tommy wanted, and that’s why he was looking guilty. Like he was holding Buck back.
“I knew what you wanted from me,” Tommy continued now. “I’m already lead pilot. I knew the second you promoted me that it was only a matter of time. But every captain at the 217 who was a pilot once doesn’t fly anymore. I’m not doing it. I thought I could.” Another quick glance over at Buck.
Tommy had offered back then to transfer to the 118, despite the fact that Buck had known he didn’t want to give up flying. He’d been willing to drop his life just for Buck, and Buck had never been so grateful for his own, kind of spur-of-the-moment decision to transfer to Harbor instead.
Richie nodded solemnly, and Miriam gave the two of them a soft smile.
“I told him you’d say that,” she said. “And here’s the thing. If we had asked only you,” she directed at Tommy, “yes, that would be the reality for you. But there are special rules in place for duo captains.” Her thumb moved between her and Richie. “Neither one of us is a pilot, but if we were, we would be able to fly, because we always have another captain as backup to take over.”
“So, Tommy could still fly?” Buck concluded.
“Yes,” Richie confirmed, “even if you decided to accept the offer.”
This time, when Buck looked at Tommy, he looked a lot less downtrodden and much more hopeful. When Buck squeezed his hand, Tommy squeezed back. There was more excitement in the way Tommy leaned forward now, an actual interest in what Richie had to say and offer.
As such, the conversation became a lot more productive. Richie and Miriam answered the questions they had, and explained how this was going to go. Tommy and Buck would get trained by the two of them specifically to become captains, but also to became a captain duo. Miriam and Richie had years and years on them in terms of experience as a high grade duo, and they knew exactly what Buck and Tommy would have to do to make this thing work.
Buck was reeling a bit. He tried to keep up with everything. But when he’d had that feeling in his stomach, he never would have thought it would end him here. With the possibility of becoming captain of this station, something that had been out of his reach at the 118.
“What about the others?” Buck asked. Not that he thought that his team would begrudge him the promotion, but his old team probably never would have respected him as captain. His Harbor team respected him, sure, but he didn’t know how he would feel if someone who had only been at the station for a year was pushed into the captain spot. Hell, he’d been pissed at Bobby for considering Eddie over him, too.
“Well, Trace definitely doesn’t want to become captain,” Tommy threw in. “She’s in the same boat as me with flying. And she isn’t a Guide-dependent Sentinel.” So, Tracy would have to give up flying.
“Exactly. Ari is a good firefighter, great out in the field, but they’re still a bit too green at times. They make mistakes, we all do, but I want them to grow a bit more. And after the fall they took, I don’t think they themselves think they’re ready. They need their confidence built up again,” Miriam explained. “Carl doesn’t have the stuff for captaincy. He’s a bit too easy-going about it, he knows that himself. And Gabriella could be a good pick for sure, but she declined the position already when it was offered to her on C-Shift.”
So, there was a big chance that Buck’s team would not fall apart to petty squabbles if he and Tommy actually became duo captains. He could feel excitement rush through him and make him jittery. His knee wiggled until Tommy put a gentle hand on him, looking at him with a fond expression.
“We’ll keep this under wraps for now,” Richie said. “You can think about it a bit. But I’m going to need an answer soon enough.”
“Gotcha, cap,” Tommy said for the both of them. He got up, pulling Buck along with a hand.
They said their goodbyes to their captains and left the office, and as soon as they were a couple of steps down the hall, Buck turned to Tommy with wide eyes and a giddy grin taking over.
“Tommy,” he whispered.
“I know,” Tommy murmured.
“Tommy,” Buck repeated more insistently.
“I know,” Tommy said back, his grin broader now, turning into a disbelieving laugh.
Suddenly, Buck’s back was to the wall and he had Tommy pressed against his front, and then he was being kissed within an inch of his life, his hands shooting up to grip Tommy’s uniform and his hair. Tommy’s tongue slipped into his mouth easily, and Buck moaned, pushing up against him. There were teeth involved, and Buck refused to let Tommy go, pulled him closer and closer, as much as possible, until they had to pull away for air, both of them panting heavily into the space between them.
There was the beginning of a grin on Tommy’s face, pulling up his lip enough to flash his canine, and it got Buck so hot under the collar that he wanted to do nothing more than dive back in and take Tommy’s mouth for himself. Tommy’s thumbs brushed over Buck’s cheeks and he started kissing him all over, his chin and forehead, the scar on his nose, his birthmark, his throat.
“Thought I was gonna ruin it all,” Tommy said breathlessly. “God, baby, you’re heaven sent.” He leaned in for another kiss that turned into him kissing Buck’s neck again, scraping his teeth against the heated skin.
Buck felt a heavy blush on his cheeks. “Am I?” he gasped, tightening his grip in Tommy’s hair. “How come?”
Perhaps he was fishing. What of it? Tommy seemed more than ready to shower Buck in praise right then, and Buck was soaking it up like a sponge.
“Never thought I could become captain if I wanted to fly. And now I’ve got you, and you’re here, and we have chances like no-one else. All thanks to you.”
Preening under Tommy’s words and the adoring look in his eyes, Buck leaned in to press a series of kisses against Tommy’s lips. “Wanna celebrate later at home?” he asked, hoping that Tommy was reading between the lines.
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “Yeah.”
They shared a couple more kisses here, but they finally managed to detach from each other. They returned to work, and they kept the news to themselves, but Buck was sure the others noticed that they were acting differently now. They didn’t ask them about it, thankfully, so Buck and Tommy just kept it to themselves. They more than half the shift left, they’d only be home by the next noon, so Buck really hoped that nobody asked him about it. He wasn’t sure he could keep quiet.
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The first part of their celebration on their first day off was going out to eat at a nice Italian restaurant that they had discovered on their quest to find a suitable, uncursed replacement for Miceli’s. It was small, intimate, with candle lights and soft music playing in the background. The food was great, and nobody showed up to interrupt their date, and there was no emergency either. It was perfect.
And later, when they came back home, what better celebration than to finally break in that list that Tommy had put together for them?
First thing that happened was that they made sure Odin would be alright in the living room on his own. He had his water, he had his toys, and he was busy cleaning himself, so they felt comfortable leaving him there.
The second thing was Tommy turning to Buck and asking him, “How do you want to do this?”
With the pressure of choice now on Buck’s shoulders, he took a moment to think about it. He wanted everything, but he knew, realistically, that he could only ask for one thing right now. And who knew whether it would actually work, or whether he would be up for a second round anytime soon?
The last time they’d done this, Buck had fucked Tommy facedown into his stupid bare mattress. He remembered thinking that he’d make it up to Tommy, and then never had the chance. He’d have to push that one back a little longer, yet.
“I want you inside me,” Buck decided, taking Tommy’s face into his hands so he could kiss him deeply. “Want you to fuck me.” He breathed in, breathed out, and kissed Tommy again. “You gotta keep me grounded, but fuck, I want you to.”
Tommy swallowed heavily, and his hands came up around Buck’s waist. They gently stroked up and down his sides over the shirt, and Buck wished he would just push them underneath.
“Alright,” Tommy agreed in what was barely a breath. “Let’s get started.”
He took Buck by the hand and pulled him upstairs, and Buck followed him easily, a grin taking over. Of course there was a chance they would not get very far today, but seriously. He’d gotten sucked off by Tommy and sucked his dick in return without zoning, so how difficult could this really be?
Tommy sent Buck off to the bathroom so he could clean up and get a little prep going already. Tommy sat on the floor outside of the shower, back against the wall so he could help Buck’s senses and be there just in case it became too much for Buck.
But this was a thing that was familiar to Buck, a well-known ritual that he’d done countless times. The water was warm and relaxed his muscles easily, and the hint of Tommy’s hold was enough for Buck to have the confidence that everything was going to work out just fine. And it did. No zoning, no problems, but that was mostly because he kept the actual stimulation to a minimum.
He climbed out of the shower and started drying his hair, allowing Tommy to jump in for a quick clean-up, too. The mirror was foggy, so Buck couldn’t see his reflection to help him with his hair, but he wasn’t trying to style it, anyway. It’d get messed up soon enough if things worked out the way he wanted them to.
He didn’t bother getting dressed. The bathroom was warm thanks to the heat of the water, and Buck didn’t want to put clothes on that would find their way to the bedroom floor almost immediately. Instead, he leaned against the sink, gasping quietly against the line of sudden cold against his back before the porcelain warmed up from his own body heat.
The milky glass of the shower walls kept Buck from seeing all that much of Tommy, but he could at least see his silhouette through it. For a while, showering together had been one of the few intimacies that they could still share, and even those were far and in-between. Now, it was a regular thing, just like it had been before. They were moving back into known territory, and Buck did not try to keep his bright smile down. It had been so long.
“You know,” Buck said conversationally, looking around the bathroom, “this is the first time in a year that we’ll fuck again. You think you still know how to do it?”
He grinned at Tommy when he pushed the shower door open to give him an unimpressed look. “We’ll see how well you fare,” he said with an eyeroll. “You know that trying to rile me up is not going to work this time, right?”
“Why not?”
“Because this is a test run. It’s just gonna be regular old fucking. No bells or whistles.” Tommy closed the shower door again, but only to shut the water off.
He got out, and Buck didn’t even pretend to not check him out. There were miles of wet skin in front of him, covered in salt-and-pepper hair, and Buck’s breath started going faster. His eyes stuck to Tommy’s cock, soft and still heavy. Saliva pooled in Buck’s mouth.
A finger curled under Buck’s chin and lifted it for him. His eyes met Tommy’s, fond but with widened pupils. “That bad?” he asked teasingly.
Buck rolled his eyes, pushing away from him. “Don’t make me wait, come on,” he said instead of answering, throwing a towel at Tommy.
Tommy caught it one-handed and started drying off, though Buck knew already that Tommy probably wasn’t going to bother much with his hair, just like Buck. It would air-dry soon enough, and Buck liked the way it was softer and curlier without any product in it.
Deciding to actually wait for Tommy until he’d mostly dried off and hung up both of their towels – Buck’s was hanging over the edge of the sink – Buck watched him, already imagining what was to come.
It didn’t take much longer for them to end up here – in their bed, with their legs tangled together and hands moving over skin still warm from the shower, caught up in making out. Buck tried to touch Tommy all over, but there was so much of him that he felt he would never get his fill, even in ten, twenty, thirty years.
With a nuzzle against Buck’s nose, Tommy pulled back, and Buck was caught between wanting to reel him back in to continue and pushing him down so they could move on to other things. He ultimately let go of Tommy and allowed him to get to his knees and rearrange them on the bed.
They’d fucked in all positions that their bodies would allow them. Tommy was pretty flexible, especially considering that he was over 40 years old, but there were some things that were simply not in the cards for them. Still, even though they had tried most things with each other at this point, Buck tended to prefer fucking face to face. Sure, it really depended on the mood he was in, but there was something about looking Tommy in the face when they were like this. Last time he hadn’t because he’d thought, he’d hoped that he’d have time, and then he hadn’t, and then he had but couldn’t do anything about it, and right now, Buck just wanted to see Tommy.
Tommy got between his legs. He dutifully put a pillow under Buck’s hips, he put a towel down, and he was slowly rubbing his hands up and down Buck’s thighs as they discussed their next steps like they were at a business meeting. Buck couldn’t put into words how into Tommy he was.
“So, condom? No condom?” Tommy asked, looking like he was about to offer up the pros and cons.
“None,” Buck got out before Tommy could start. Sure, there was a chance the added sensation of cum inside him might be a bit much, but he’d swallowed it without zoning, too. Tommy needed a bit more confidence in his abilities as a Guide when they had sex.
“Alright,” Tommy accepted without arguing, and Buck took that as a win.
His fingers slid down from the inside of Buck’s thigh to his groin. He gave Buck’s cock a couple of strokes, watching as it filled out. Buck breathed through it. He was getting nervous, and he knew that made it more likely to lose himself, but for now, he kept himself tethered. Tommy kept his hand loose, even when Buck thrusted into his grip, just enough to get Buck to full hardness.
Once he was satisfied with Buck’s cock growing heavy and starting to drip the usual copious amount of precum, Tommy let up, ignoring the complaints coming from Buck. He slid his fingers down over Buck’s balls and to his crack, testing the prep Buck had done on his own hole. He rubbed over it, the touch mostly dry, but the lube still in and around Buck’s rim slickened the glide. Tommy didn’t push inside, not really, only played around a little.
“Come ooon,” Buck urged, closing his legs around Tommy’s hips. “I’m ready.” Tommy had made him be so fucking thorough in the shower that he didn’t think he needed any more prep. Sure, Tommy’s dick was big, but Buck had just taken three of his own fingers. He’d be fine.
“Are you sure?” Tommy asked anyway.
“Yes, I’m sure,” Buck retorted, keeping the eyeroll down. He was happy that Tommy was so concerned and all that, but sometimes he wished he wouldn’t be.
This time, though, Tommy didn’t inquire further but took Buck at face value. He dug around in the nightstand drawer for the lube. They’d bought a new bottle after they’d started off having sex again, because while Tommy had stopped them from penetration, it was still nicer to get a handjob with something to ease the way. Realistically, Buck knew that Tommy surely had the time to get off on his own while Buck had been banned from every sexual act imaginable, but he would have been able to smell it. So, while he wasn’t sure about lube’s expiration date, he also wasn’t sure how badly he wanted to use some that hadn’t been opened in a year.
Propping himself up on his elbows, Buck watched Tommy coat his cock with lube. He hadn’t even noticed Tommy getting hard. He’d been at half-mast when they’d traded places in the shower, but not when Tommy had gotten out. Buck tried not to preen too obviously over getting Tommy hard with some making out and light touching. Perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised. It had been the same amount of time for Tommy, too.
Tommy wiped his hand off on the towel, then put both of them on Buck’s thighs to make him shift them apart a little. Buck had always been obsessed with how far he had to spread his legs to make room for Tommy’s bulk, whether they were fucking or Tommy was blowing him or eating him out or whatever else he was doing between Buck’s legs.
Nudging close to Buck’s ass, Tommy hooked one knee over his elbow so he could tilt Buck’s pelvis up. He steadied the root of his cock with his other hand, and Buck reached down, knocking Tommy’s hand off. He wanted to do it. He took the opportunity to jerk Tommy off for a couple of seconds, but then positioned the tip of his cock at his hole. He jolted a little at the touch. Just from the hint of Tommy pressing closer, Buck could feel tension take over. He let out a frustrated sound.
Hushing him, Tommy reassured, “We’ll go slow,” running a hand up and down Buck’s chest. He pinched a nipple while he was at it, kneading Buck’s pec. Buck really liked the texture of his palm rubbing against the hair.
Buck nodded, and Tommy resumed position, very slowly pressing the tip of his dick against Buck’s slick hole. It was stretched, but the nerves in Buck were causing him to clench before Tommy could even try to push inside. Buck could feel himself grow agitated.
“Breathe in,” Tommy’s voice snapped through the barely there fog of it. Buck did so, holding his breath for a couple of seconds until Tommy said, “Okay, now breathe out. There, out, outoutoutoutout.”
Buck exhaled until his stomach muscles contracted, pressing most of the air inside his lungs outside. He knew this technique, the one that would allow his next inhale to be deeper. He knew what to expect, and when he breathed in following Tommy’s instructions, he felt the pressure at his hole increase as Tommy slowly and steadily pushed his way inside his body.
It took the four seconds that Buck took for this inhale for the head of Tommy’s cock to pop past the ring of muscles, and once it did, Tommy stilled. Buck tensed, losing his breath rhythm immediately, an unsteady one taking its place, until Tommy put his hand in the middle of Buck’s chest, the heel of his hand on the bottom of his sternum, and told him, “Breathe.”
Immediately, Buck’s lungs filled with air, and Tommy continued to push in, stopping when Buck breathed out again. They repeated that game a couple of times, and Buck felt like he was barely holding onto his self-control. He could feel himself slipping off a little too far in sensation. The stretch felt almost unbearable – not painful, not really, but almost too much. Tommy’s cock was so hot inside of him, and was making room inside Buck slowly. He felt like the pressure in his chest was becoming too much. Tommy’s guidance propped him up, and he was grateful for it, but he honestly wasn’t sure how long he could stand this.
“How much more is there?” Buck gasped after another round of Tommy slowly pushing in.
He felt as if Tommy’s dick had grown bigger since the last time he’d taken it. He couldn’t believe that it had been this big back then. But it must have been, and back then, Buck had bottomed on a regular basis. He knew once he got back into it, it probably wouldn’t feel this overwhelming anymore.
“You almost got it,” Tommy promised, hand rubbing up and down Buck’s arm. “Just a little bit more. We can stop if you need it, but we’re almost there.”
Buck didn’t want to stop. Now that he’d had a moment to really take in what was going on, he really didn’t want to go back. Tommy’s cock was in him. Not entirely just yet, but soon, and there was no way Buck was allowing that to end here.
So, he shook his head. “Keep going,” he asked.
Nodding, Tommy started pushing in again. Buck arched his back a little against the pressure. His arms moved over his head almost on their own accord, his fingers digging into the pillows. He gasped, closing his eyes, tipping his head back. Tommy kept stroking his flank with his free hand, the other one curled securely around Buck’s leg.
For a moment, Buck feared he would actually have to call it off, but then, he felt Tommy’s hips press tightly against his ass, and Tommy dropped forward, pressing kisses against Buck’s open lips.
“There we go,” he panted. “All in.”
“Fuck,” Buck moaned, shifting his hips against Tommy’s.
It felt all-encompassing, the heat and size of Tommy in him. He finally had him all the way back in him, sharing the same body with him, and when he stared up at Tommy, he thought he could see every shade of blue in his eyes. He reached a hand out, brushing it through Tommy’s hair and over his scarred eyebrow. He ran his hand down Tommy’s chest and around to his back, his other hand joining in so he could touch him all over, focus on him, on his Guide, on the softness and temperature of his skin, the powerful musculature underneath, the hair and sweat covering it.
Tommy nestled his hips closer, and Buck lost his breath, feeling like it was too much, his senses rushing away from him. But Tommy curled a hand under Buck’s head, fingers feeling like they were straight up wrapping around his spine, pulling him back into himself.
Lifting his head from the pillow, Buck invited Tommy into a kiss, something deep and wet and full of teeth nipping at lips and tongues soothing the bites. He dropped himself back into the mattress, pulling Tommy with him so he could feel his weight press him deeper. Everywhere their skin touched, Buck felt as if his skin was electrified, hair standing on end.
“Okay,” he breathed against Tommy’s mouth. “Okay, I think-” He took a deep breath. “I think you can move.” He shifted against Tommy slightly, and when that didn’t make him tense up again, he nodded. “Yeah, want you to move.”
Another kiss followed, but Tommy pulled back, following Buck’s request. He slowly moved his hips in a circle, grinding forward into Buck. He didn’t pull out much, and there wasn’t much strength behind the movement yet. It was just for Buck to get used to it, to get to know the feeling again. Buck slowly started moving back against Tommy, and that seemed to give Tommy the confidence to actually move.
He pulled out by what could have only been an inch, but Buck felt every single fraction of it, how his insides clung to Tommy’s cock. He also felt every tiny bit of the way back in, and the strength in Tommy’s thighs, and the way his pulse kicked up.
He was feeling too much. When he put his hand on Tommy’s wrist, he felt every tiny hair follicle. He felt Tommy’s pulse against his palm. For a moment, he believed he could feel how the tiniest tissue in his body was moving to allow him to tense his muscles.
“Fuck,” Buck called out in a panic. “I’m zoning, no, no, no-”
The hand in the back of his neck tightening was the only warning he got. Tommy pulled back out, thrust into him, and as he sunk his cock deep into Buck, he gave him an electric shock, pulling him back and tying him down in his body.
“I’ve got you,” he promised.
His hand was large enough to keep his fingers on the side of Buck’s neck and still curve his thumb around to Buck’s mouth so he could push it inside. Buck immediately closed his lips around it, sucking on it. He pushed the tip of his tongue against the pad, tasting the salt of sweat on it, and the residue of lube, and he felt the ridges of Tommy’s fingerprint against the bumps of his tongue, but only for a moment.
“Stay, Evan,” Tommy commanded before Buck could start losing himself again.
It was as if his voice had pinned Buck down by the throat, enough pressure to let him breathe with resistance. There was no hand there, but Buck could feel it, he could feel it right there, and he brought his own hand up for a moment to check. God, the way Tommy only needed his words and that guidance of his, the one that wasn’t visible but so very tangible. Like he was actually holding Buck up.
That very same guidance seemed to wrap itself around Buck like arms, like steel bands, keeping him in his body as Tommy started picking up the pace. The thrusts became longer, he pulled out further and further on every attempt, and with every push back inside, the strength increased, the sounds of his thighs and his balls slapping against Buck’s skin becoming louder. Buck needed several moments to recenter himself every time that Tommy changed something in the rhythm, but he managed it every time. He breathed against the pressure. He let his body absorb and move with the momentum of Tommy’s hips. He wrapped his free leg around Tommy’s waist, allowing him to feel the shift and bunch of his muscles, giving him the chance to predict what Tommy was going to do.
He was so grateful that Tommy was avoiding his prostate for now, and that there was nothing touching his dick. It was heavy, hard, deep red, and leaking a steady puddle onto Buck’s stomach, but he was sure if someone were to touch him there now, he would come immediately, and he didn’t want it to be over already. They had only just begun, and barely at that.
“You good?” Tommy checked in breathlessly, his fingers digging deeper into Buck’s thigh.
Buck swallowed against the drool in his mouth, letting Tommy’s split-slick thumb go only for a moment to nod and moan, “Uh-huh, uh-huh,” before he pulled it back between his teeth.
Leaning down, Tommy’s lips brushed over the bridge of Buck’s nose, again giving attention to the scar there. Buck huffed out a breath, but he didn’t push Tommy away. He found it cute how much Tommy liked the scar on him.
Like that, they finally found a good rhythm together. It wasn’t that fast, all things considered, but Buck didn’t think he could take much faster anyway. It was deep, though, Tommy burying himself as far as he could go in this position inside Buck every time his hips slammed forward.
Tommy let go of Buck’s leg so he could brace himself on the mattress and get more traction for himself, and Buck hooked that leg over his hip as well. His hands were moving all over Tommy, his arms and back and through his hair and down to the small of his back so he could feel his muscles move. The only thing muffling his sounds was Tommy’s thumb still in his mouth, but it wasn’t by much. It felt so good to share this with Tommy again, the fullness inside of him, the way his body was accommodating Tommy. It had taken a bit for him to get used to it again, but now, it was almost like he remembered.
Almost. Because this was more intense. The heat between them felt greater, and Buck believed he could feel Tommy’s heartbeat just as well as his own. They were beating as one, and their breath frequency was in the process of matching up as well. They were bonded in a way they couldn’t have understood a year ago, and Buck found himself glad that they had waited for this long.
When Tommy pulled his thumb from Buck’s mouth, a string of spit connecting it to Buck’s bottom lip, there was a sound of protest stuck in Buck’s throat. It never made it out because Tommy covered Buck’s mouth with his own, kissing him deep and long until Buck forgot all about his complaint. He dug his fingers into Tommy’s soft hair, rubbing his fingers against the strands.
He found out why Tommy had moved his thumb a moment later. He pushed his hand under Buck’s neck securely, and shoved the other one under Buck’s back. He pulled his cock out of Buck entirely, making Buck’s eyes shoot open in surprise, but before he could ask, Tommy rolled them over so he was on his back, and Buck perched upright in his lap.
Like that, Buck could look down at him, at all of him, his line of sight filled out with his Guide. He smiled down at Tommy, his hands on his chest. He kneaded the muscle under his fingers, teasing Tommy’s pert nipples, rocking his hips back and forth, his cock sliding against Tommy’s – his own wet with precum, Tommy’s wet from the lube. Tommy flexed up against him, his hands falling to Buck’s hips.
Following the silent encouragement, Buck raised himself up on his knees, taking Tommy’s cock in hand to hold it steady. This time, the slide into Buck’s body was a lot easier, but with this angle, Tommy reached deeper into him, and his cock brushed past Buck’s prostate this time, enough that Buck’s legs gave out and he dropped down faster than he had planned.
He spasmed on top of Tommy, writhing and shaking against the sudden onslaught of pleasure coursing through him. His mouth was open and he was moaning, and perhaps he was even saying words from the way he was moving his lips, but he couldn’t hear anything except his own heartbeat. It was as if he was caught in a never ending feedback loop – the pressure on his prostate caused his hips to twitch and roll forwards and backwards, forcing more stimulation to that bundle of nerves inside him, locking his muscles up tight in his thighs. Drool dripped down his bottom lip, landing somewhere below.
Two big, strong hands grabbed him. One landed right on his cervical spine, covering its length, the other one found its place in the dip of his lower back. And then, both hands at once administered that familiar electric shock. Bucks shouted out, his back bowing, head thrown back so far he would have been able to look straight up to the ceiling had his eyelashes not been fluttering like mad. He had grown so used to the feeling of the shock, he hadn’t expected it to feel like this. Coming back into himself as he was experiencing this pleasure, it increased the feeling tenfold and Buck was powerless, letting himself get swept up for a moment.
He collapsed forward as the electricity forced his muscles to loosen up, forced Buck’s focus back to the world and his Guide, breaking him out of that cage. He was breathing heavily and moaning, fingers digging into the skin on top of Tommy’s ribs. Tommy’s hands stayed in place on his spine, fingers twitching as if they were waiting on whether Buck needed another shock or not.
Groaning loudly, Buck looked down between them, at his shivering abdomen and his cock, hanging heavy and full between his legs, twitching with every roll of his hips he could not stop. God, he hadn’t discharged. He hadn’t even come, despite the fact that it very much had felt like it.
“Oh God,” he gasped, hips falling into a deeper, heavier rhythm. Tommy’s cock slid against his prostate again, and this time, Buck stayed lucid, forced to endure the heat racing through him.
“Evan,” Tommy said, and Buck looked down at him. “I’ve got you. Nothing is going to happen. Focus on me. And let go.”
Buck wasn’t sure how he was supposed to do both things – focus and let go, those seemed like two opposite things to him – but then, Tommy’s hands gripped his hips on each side, Tommy planted his legs, and started guiding Buck’s movement. Together, they found a rhythm that allowed Buck to feel every inch of Tommy’s cock, moving up and down at an increasing speed. Tommy slammed up into him from below every time that Buck moved down, and now that he’d found it, he didn’t let up from the assault to Buck’s prostate.
Moans and gasps and whimpers fell out of Buck’s mouth unhindered. He was too busy trying to keep breathing to even think about what was coming out of him. God, it was like Tommy had reached inside of Buck, beyond the skin and blood and muscles, and was plucking on the very strings of his nervous system. Every move shot a jolt of pleasure through Buck. His touch was like a brand that Buck never wanted to miss again.
Every now and then Tommy allowed Buck a break from the heavy thrusts, instead helping him move his hips in little figure eights and circles, but that caused his cock to rub up against Buck’s prostate always, and Buck wasn’t sure how much longer he was actually going to last at this point.
But this was everything he’d wanted. He braced his hands on Tommy’s chest again when Tommy started moving more underneath him again, and he met him without the urging from Tommy’s hands. That allowed Tommy to move his hands elsewhere, and he did, touching Buck’s legs and his abdomen where his muscles tightened and relaxed with every roll of his body. He squeezed Buck’s tits, gave a squeeze to the back of his neck, even curled fingers into Buck’s hair and gave him a quick, sharp tug that made him shout a surprise, “Ah!”
But there was no zone. No drift. Just Buck and Tommy, and the things their bodies could do to each other, increased in a way Buck never would have thought possible. He felt so much, but none of his senses were enhanced right then and there. This was just him, just what he was able to feel without focusing on one particular thing, just them as a bonded duo.
There was a pit of liquid fire in Buck’s belly, growing by the second with every smack of skin when his ass dropped on Tommy’s hips, with every dead on hit of Tommy’s cock against Buck’s prostate. Buck’s dick was bouncing in the air along with him, and he knew he wouldn’t need much to come. He just wanted to get Tommy there, too. He didn’t want to come before him, he wanted to be all there when Tommy came inside him.
Taking a shuddering breath, he steeled himself to pull out all of the stops. He swiveled and circled his hips the way he knew Tommy liked, he clenched around him in an unpredictable rhythm, he played with one of Tommy’s nipples and then the other one. He brushed a hand through his own hair, pulling the muscles in his side tight. He knew Tommy liked the sight of it.
“You close?” Buck breathed out choppily.
Tommy nodded distractedly, eyes fliting over Buck’s form as if he couldn’t decide what to look at. When Tommy grabbed his waist again, Buck let him direct the movement, and he finally couldn’t keep himself from curling a hand around his cock. He wasn’t sure he would be able to hold off his orgasm if Tommy were to jerk him off right then. His own touch was a lot more predictable.
Two, three, four strong, powerful thrusts into Buck followed, and then, Tommy stilled against him, gasping his name. Buck made a sound caught somewhere between a moan and a squeal at the hot, wet feeling of Tommy pumping his cum into him, and Buck dropped forward on one arm braced on Tommy’s ribcage, his other hand flying over his cock before he finally seized with a long, drawn-out moan, shooting rope after rope of cum over Tommy’s belly and chest.
He had half the mind to redirect course when he finally collapsed forward and pulled off of Tommy’s cock, dropping down onto the bed on his side next to Tommy. His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily, luxuriating in the waves of deep, warm pleasure rolling through him. Up and down his body, from his toes to the root of his hair. And he was completely present for it all, not dropping off into anything else. He could feel the tremble of Tommy’s body next to him, and the smell of him and sweat and sex and jizz, and the sound of his breath and heartbeat, but all of that was keeping Buck grounded in the now instead of pulling him in too many different directions.
Opening his eyes, he found Tommy looking at him. He was smiling, the corners of his eyes crinkling, and Buck smiled back. He reached out, slapping a hand against Tommy’s upper arm.
“Alright,” he said still panting for breath, “come on. Again.”
But when he tried to push himself up, Tommy grabbed him and rolled them over again, burying Buck underneath him. Buck giggled in delight, kicking out his legs as Tommy smothered his face in kisses.
“We can try again tomorrow,” Tommy reasoned, burying one last kiss against Buck’s mouth.
Buck hummed into the kiss, leaning into it, and relented. They had all the time in the world to work through Tommy’s list. He’d mostly been joking anyway. Of course he would love to go again, but he felt exhaustion weigh down his limbs. He was getting tired, and he knew Tommy was, too. One day, when zoning during sex wasn’t as big a possibility and Tommy’s guidance wasn’t necessary during it, Buck was sure they could go back to having more than one round in a night, but right now, he was happy with what they had.
“You good with some clean up or do you need another shower?” Tommy asked now, moving to sit up.
Buck considered it. Most of his cum had landed on Tommy, but some of it was drying on his own hand and thighs, and Tommy’s was drying inside of him, still slowly dripping out. Sure, they could try their luck with a wet wipe, but Buck could already see where that would go.
“Think I need a shower,” he said apologetically.
Tommy smiled and gave him a soft kiss. “That’s fine,” he said reassuringly. “Come, let’s get up.” He gave Buck’s ass a light pat.
With a laugh Buck followed him, and he only almost brained himself on something once on the whole way to the bathroom on his shaky legs. Tommy steadied him in the shower and when they dried off and when they made their way back to the bed, though Tommy made Buck wait for a moment while he cleaned up said bed a little. But once that was done, they curled up under the covers together, still naked, and Buck felt like their celebration had been a success.
-----------------------------------------
What followed were more talks with Richie and Miriam, and preparations to follow in their footsteps. Tommy had already been captain in absence – something he’d never told Buck, how about that? – but now, Richie named the two of them his and Miriam’s official second-in-command.
They revealed the news to the rest of their core team, and the first reaction was professional. Congratulations and not much more, and Buck was worried something bad was going to come out of it – only for his worries to disappear into thin air when he and Tommy came home to food and baked goods and a decorated living room thanks to the Delucas’ work, with their coworkers not far behind. A true celebration of their new promotion.
Buck’s cheeks hurt from all the smiling he did. Carl had made his amazing fruit salad again, and Tracy was playfully fighting with Buck over the last bowl before they agreed to share. Tommy and Sal were in deep discussion about some movie or other with Gabriella. Ari and Gina seemed to be hitting it off well, and Buck was surrounded with support and excitement over his and Tommy’s new accomplishment.
He felt a sort of melancholy in his chest. Years ago, he thought that one day, he’d have this with the 118. That perhaps, one day he’d be named captain of the station, and his friends and family would be around him and celebrate with him. They weren’t here now, and they sure weren’t celebrating anything for him, but Buck wished they were. He wished he could have a connection between his old team and his new team.
Well. No time like the present, right?
Now that their team knew of the news and everything was as official as it could be, Buck and Tommy were allowed to tell others of the development as well. So, the first person Buck called was Maddie, of course. She didn’t even pretend to keep her excitement down, and Buck heard her say something like, “I’ll explain later,” to who he guessed was Jee, curious over why her mother was suddenly to happy.
“I’m so proud of you!” Maddie gushed. “My baby brother, Harbor station captain!”
Buck felt heat in his cheeks. Harbor station was prestigious, obviously. A reputable place for Sentinels and Guides, and even Neutrals, known for their ability to work with whomever, to have a place for everyone. And Buck was going to lead its A-Shift together with Tommy in a future that probably wasn’t all that distant.
He talked some more with Maddie, finding out that Josh would be taking over from Sue at dispatch, and she, Maddie, would be taking over from Josh.
“That means you’re next in line?” Buck asked. “Way to go, Maddie!”
He could hear Maddie become more bashful. “Well. Josh is taking over. But when he’s on vacation or out sick, I’ll be doing his job, yes.”
Buck hadn’t spoken with Josh in a long time now outside of sometimes speaking to him on calls. He was Maddie’s friend, not Buck’s, but Buck knew enough of him to know that he and Maddie were a great team.
“Look at us, moving up,” Buck said with a bright, teasing grin that Maddie couldn’t see, but he was sure she could hear.
“Things really are changing all the time,” Maddie said with a soft sigh. “Hey. We should celebrate your promotion.”
“I’d love that,” Buck said. “The team and us already did something, but I- I really want to do something like that with you guys. All of you.”
He heard Maddie sigh on the other side. “This should be out of question,” she said. “We should be celebrating with you. You should be able to tell us this.”
“Well, I’m telling you,” Buck pointed out.
“But you haven’t told Howie. Or any of the others,” Maddie reasoned.
“I’m going to tell Bobby, Ravi, and Hen.” But Buck realized that he still felt unsure about telling Chim and Eddie. And he felt weird admitting that to Maddie who was married to Chimney.
“Hey. How about we organize something, and me and Tommy can try and do damage control. Never leave you alone in a room with one of them. We’ll act as a buffer.” Maddie and Tommy still weren’t what Buck would consider friends, but from what Buck had gathered, they’d had some talks. They had found some middle ground if nothing else.
“Yeah,” Buck agreed. “Yeah, I think that would work.” He thought about it. “We haven’t had everyone over at our place since we moved in together. Could be a tight fit, but how about dinner sometime soon? You should probably get a babysitter, though.”
“That’s fine. I’m sure the Lees will be happy to spend time with the kids.” Maddie sighed. “I really am so proud of you. And I’m glad you transferred when you did. It really was the best choice for you.”
“It was.” Buck would probably always think about the what-ifs. What if he wasn’t a Sentinel, what if he hadn’t transferred. But he also would probably never feel guilt at leaving the 118 behind. “I’ll talk with Tommy, and we’ll text you the details. Just gotta make sure everyone’s got time, and the kids are alright for the evening.” He loved the kids, obviously, but he decided for this one would be a strict must-be-above-18 rule. He wasn’t sure how much they knew or even understood about what had happened at the 118 between their parents and Buck, and Buck also didn’t believe that kids should be part of their parents’ friendship struggles. That was weird.
They said their goodbyes soon enough, with Maddie promising not to spill the beans to anyone until Buck had had the chance to tell them himself. He was glad he still had Maddie in his corner, even after a couple of rough patches these past months. She might not fully understand the Sentinel stuff, but she understood that Buck would need some time to come around with the 118. He was so glad she wasn’t trying to force a peace between them. He didn’t think that would have ended well.
Bobby and Athena, as well as May and Harry and Ravi, accepted the invites to Buck’s place easily and quickly. Maddie wasn’t far behind, and by proxy Chimney, too. Hen and Karen took a bit longer but once they had figured out who would be watching their kids, they let Buck know they would love to come over. The only person that took the longest to accept was Eddie, and a part of Buck almost expected him to decline. He was the only one he hadn’t talked to in recent weeks. He wouldn’t call the couple of words he’d exchanged with Chimney conversations, but they had at least been able to make small talk without attacking each other. He wasn’t sure he could do the same with Eddie. As it was, Eddie still confirmed he was coming two days before the date. At least he gave them a little notice.
They had opted against inviting the kids. Buck didn’t want them to be part of the strange tensions between them all. It was bad enough that Jee had to experience it whenever Buck and Chim were in the same room. And sure, Buck would love to have Chris over at his house, but since the whole thing started – hell, since Chris had moved to Texas – they had only texted sometimes. Buck knew the day would come that Chris would outgrow hanging out with him, and he was a little sad about it, but hey. So was life.
Of course, the Grant-Nash-family plus Ravi were the first to arrive. While Tommy showed them to the backyard where they would be having dinner, Bobby followed Buck to the kitchen, either to help or simply to keep watch. Buck felt himself smiling as Bobby simply watched him flit about his kitchen, clearly proud of the things he’d taught Buck.
Despite the house being five people fuller already, it was surprisingly quiet, and that meant that Odin creeped out of whatever hiding spot he’d found himself in. He stuck close to Tommy, but he did show some interest in Ravi – probably because Ravi himself had cats and exuded those vibes that cats seemed to enjoy. When the next guests arrived, however, Odin made his way up to the bedroom to stay away. He would never be a sociable cat, Buck thought.
Families Han and Wilson arrived together, with Eddie in tow. Buck pretended not to see the way Hen was gripping Eddie’s upper arm tightly, as if she was trying to keep him from running off. Buck greeted them all, and what followed were hugs with Hen, Karen, and Maddie, and tight nods with Chim and Eddie.
They went outside to where the others were, and Buck came back to the kitchen where Bobby had been keeping an eye on the oven and the pots simmering on the stove. He hadn’t touched anything, Buck would be able to tell. But now they were here alone, only the two of them, and Buck realized this was the best opportunity to tell Bobby first before anyone else.
Trying to busy himself with checking and rechecking everything, Buck tried to start the conversation as casually as possible. Which meant that he stuttered and stumbled over his own words, and almost knocked his cutting board off of the workspace.
“So- uh, I- we- Tommy- and-and I, we-uh-” He shook his head, trying to order his thought. “There’s news,” he finally settled on.
“News?” Bobby asked.
“Yeah. Big ones.” He felt that giddiness again, but this time, it was paired with worry. Bobby hadn’t thought he was ready. Now, Buck had proof that Richie definitely didn’t agree. But Buck wanted Bobby to be proud of him anyway, and not tell him he should wait longer again. “Richie and Miriam are training Tommy and me to be their replacement.”
Bobby’s eyes widened in surprise. Then, he nodded slowly, something solemn taking over his face. “He’s actually doing it,” he said.
“Yeah,” Buck confirmed. “It’s official. We don’t know when Richie has to retire, but when it happens, Tommy and I will take over from him.”
With a nod, Bobby took that in. “He always had a good eye for this. Guess it’s better than mine.”
There wasn’t anything for Buck to read on Bobby’s face. Mostly because his own fears would probably affect whatever he saw. “Are you mad?” Buck asked, and when Bobby looked up in shock, he continued, “That Richie deemed me ready for something you didn’t?”
It took a couple of seconds for Bobby to reply. He seemed to really think it over. “I’m not mad,” he started. “I’m proud of you, kid. You found your footing, you found your place. I always wanted you at the 118. And yeah, I didn’t think you were ready. But I had some talks with Athena, and she made me realize something.” Bobby shrugged. “I love you, kid, like you’re my own. I never thought my judgment could be clouded because of it, but I should have seen it. Richie is right. I’m glad he made that choice when I couldn’t.”
Buck realized it then, the problem that had arisen between him and Bobby since the lab. It wasn’t that Bobby didn’t trust him. It wasn’t even that Bobby didn’t think he was a good firefighter. It all boiled down to what they meant to each other. Bobby hadn’t acted as a friend or a captain, he’d acted as an overprotective father. Something that Buck didn’t have a lot of experience with.
And then, Buck thought about whether Bobby even had experience with that. Sure, he was close to May and Harry, and he’d had his own kids, but they’d died young enough that he’d never had to do the whole “post up with a shotgun”-type routine. His children had died young, and May and Harry had another dad, too. Buck only had Bobby for a while. The lines were too blurred, and they both should have realized that it had become too much for their work lives to be so connected.
“Do you think you would have realized it if you had stayed at the 118?” Buck wondered out loud.
A shrug. “I would like to say yes, but I don’t think much would have changed.” Bobby sighed, his shoulders slumping. He seemed so much older in that moment. “There’s a couple of things I regret. Things I should have done differently. I have a hard time letting go.”
Sounded like Bobby was back in therapy.
“Why did you retire, anyway?” Buck wondered.
“Can’t really explain to you how things happened.” Bobby tried anyway. “I retired, and regretted it immediately. And then I came back, and I thought I would have years left. And then the lab happened. I- I knew I was dying, and I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t think I had a choice. I was never going to let Chimney take the fall for me.”
He broke off, and Buck nodded. He knew. If he hadn’t noticed the change in Bobby’s voice back then, if he hadn’t spoken his realization out loud, he and Athena wouldn’t have known to find a way to heal both Bobby and Chim. Bobby would have literally taken that to his grave.
“I was ready to die, even if I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave Athena, or you, or the others, but I didn’t think there was a way.” He sighed. “I just couldn’t risk it again. The thought of going back to work-” He broke off. “It wouldn’t have ended well. But there’s things I didn’t do as captain, things I should have done, and I feel like I need to fix them, still.”
“You weren’t a bad captain,” Buck protested. Out of all the captains he’d had between Bobby, Gerrard, Hen, Chimney, and Richie, Bobby was still his favorite.
“Perhaps,” Bobby relented, “but there is something to be said about a station falling apart after the captain leaves. I should have trained a proper replacement. I should have given promotions when they were warranted. I should have prepared the station better for a change in command. I did none of those things.” He looked at Buck with an unreadable light in his eyes.
“Okay,” Buck said. “So, what now?”
“Now, I’m learning to let go and let things take its course. I made mistakes, some of which I cannot change, but that’s how people are. I wanted you back at the 118 so I could pretend things didn’t change too much. It was for me, not for you.” Which was even more apparent now that Buck was actually moving his career along at Harbor when he had stagnated at the 118.
Buck put his hand on Bobby’s shoulder. “I don’t regret leaving,” he reiterated. “But I also don’t hate that I had my start at the 118 with you. I’m grateful for everything you taught me. If it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would be here where I am.” He pulled Bobby into a hug, clapping a hand on his back. “Love you, too, pops.”
This went a lot better than Buck had feared. He wanted Bobby to be proud of him, but he’d worried that Bobby would be too caught up in his own opinions about whether Buck should or should not lead a station. Looking back, Buck honestly wasn’t sure he could have led the 118 at all. But he’d been able to grow in different ways as a Sentinel with a Guide. It didn’t matter what was a year ago. This was now, and he was going there now.
Tommy came by to check on them soon enough, and Bobby extended congratulations to him, as well. Buck watched Tommy’s smile grow big and genuine, filling his own stomach with warmth. Tommy’s relationship to Bobby was a bit complicated. He knew that Buck saw Bobby as a father, and he’d worked with him before, so there was an appreciation there. However, Tommy had apparently also immediately clocked Bobby’s behavior, seeing patterns he’d seen in his own father, so he’d never truly grown close to Bobby.
But he didn’t need to be close to Bobby. He didn’t need to be close to Maddie, either, or any of Buck’s friends. Tommy had his own friends still that Buck didn’t spend much time with. Sal, for example, who was a nice enough guy, but Buck probably would never be close with him. Even Tracy, despite being Buck’s coworker and his friend, was primarily Tommy’s friend. That was simply how things went, and Buck was thrilled about the shape their lives were making together.
Now, however, they were surrounded by people that were either Buck’s family or had been once. He wasn’t as close with most of them anymore, but perhaps, after this evening, they could be at least friendly again.
They ate in relative peace. Buck decided against simply announcing the new development at the dinner – he wanted to tell everyone on his own. Instead, for now, he would rather enjoy conversation and food and watching the people he come to see as family enjoy the food he made in his and his boyfriend’s backyard. Buck was caught between excitement and dread – he knew that Athena, Harry, May, Ravi, Hen, and Karen would most likely not react in a negative manner to the news. But he wasn’t so sure about Chimney and Eddie. Well, Chimney seemed pretty alright this evening. He joked around a bit, but these jokes didn’t feel mean-spirited and none of them were about Buck. Eddie didn’t speak to Buck or Tommy at all.
Once dinner was done and people grouped off with each other and a drink in the backyard, seeking out the different seating areas Buck and Tommy had set up for this purpose, Buck wandered around to each and every one of them.
First were Athena and Bobby, with Harry sitting with them. Bobby knew already, but he kept quiet while Buck told the other two. Harry had started at the academy and was about to start his probie year, and he looked interested in what Buck had to say about Harbor. Athena nodded her approval, but she didn’t say much. Probably because all of the comments she could make would point out that Buck had lost time at the 118, but Buck didn’t need her to comment much. He just needed her to know.
He and Tommy told Hen and Karen, and May and Ravi together. The latter were first, with Buck finding Tommy in conversation with them once he left Athena, Bobby, and Harry to it. He’d be back later to answer any questions Harry had about air ops. Tommy and Ravi were talking about cats, of all things, and May had a fond look as she watched Ravi. Buck wondered if he looked like that when he looked at Tommy.
When they told Ravi, he hugged Buck tightly. They talked a little about Ravi’s work at the 122, how Sal was treating him, and how it didn’t seem like it was a big problem when it came to the rest of the 118. He might have once denied belonging to them, but he was friends enough with most of them that he was still in contact. Buck was glad he didn’t have to go through the same thing as him.
Hen and Karen also extended their congrats to them. Buck could feel Tommy tense a little next to him as they stood in conversation with the Wilsons. Buck guessed that Tommy’s friendship with Hen or Chim wouldn’t easily recover from what had happened after the lab.
Once they’d done their rounds, Buck looked around for the other two. Maddie and Chimney were sitting on the back patio, but Maddie got up from her chair to go over to where Hen was talking to Athena. That seemed like the opportunity that Buck had been waiting for. Tommy seemed to notice, too.
“You want to talk to him, or should I?” Tommy offered. But Buck knew that he didn’t really want to talk to Chimney all that much. The offer was sweet, though.
“I’ll do it,” Buck said. “You can talk about cats a bit more with Ravi if you want.”
“You want a beer before you go?” Tommy asked, but Buck shook his head.
He wanted a clear head, and he hadn’t even really had alcohol since he came online. He didn’t think right now was the best time. Tommy seemed to understand that without words, or at the very least he accepted it easily, sending Buck off with a kiss to his temple and a squeeze around his waist.
Chimney was standing there, staring off into the distance, a half-drunk beer in his hand. He looked up when he heard Buck approach, looking at him in apprehension. When Buck offered him a smile, Chim raised his bottle in return. Buck took that as his sign that he could get closer. Chimney at the very least didn’t seem hostile to him, so if there had ever been a chance to talk, this was it.
“Nice yard,” Chimney said after taking a sip from his bottle. “Changed a lot from back when Tommy was at the 118.”
Buck nodded slowly. “He did most of the work. But these were my idea.” He gestured at the small space Tommy and Buck had dug up to grow their own herbs.
They fell into silence. Buck waited for a bit to see whether Chimney would say anything else, but for now, he didn’t, so Buck decided it would be best for him to take the stage.
“Tommy and I are next in line for captaincy at Harbor,” he said. “Wanted you to hear it from one of us before it trickled through the department.”
Chimney’s eyebrows shot up. His mouth opened, but he closed it again, looking contemplative. Finally, he spoke. “Wow,” he said. “You’re speeding through it now, aren’t you.”
“I guess,” Buck said carefully, feeling like one wrong thing could unload this tentative peace.
With a shake of his head, Chimney took a step forward and put a hand on Buck’s shoulder, squeezing. “No, I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” he said. “It’s- it’s good, it’s cool that you’re moving up the ladder. It’s- it’s a long time coming.”
“It is,” Buck confirmed, shifting a little. It had been a while since Chim had given him a brotherly touch like this, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. “And you? How are you doing at the 118? Ravi told me you got some new faces.”
“Yeah. Got some good people on the team now. There’s one, reminds me of Hen when she was younger. No-nonsense but a spitfire. Has a good head on her shoulders. She’s gunning for Lieutenant, and I’m going to help her.”
“Really?” Buck asked, surprised. That would be- that would be the first Lieutenant on the 118 A-Shift since Buck had joined.
Chimney nodded. “You know,” he said, setting his bottle down on the patio and giving Buck his full attention, “at your medal ceremony, Sal pulled me aside.”
“We saw that,” Buck said. He had never asked Sal what he had talked about with Chim, and if he’d told Tommy, Tommy hadn’t told Buck. Though Buck could imagine that Sal hadn’t told Tommy either. He and Tommy were close, but Sal took his role as captain and Union man very seriously.
“We had a lot to talk about. He- he called me Gerrard Junior, among a few other things. And- we stayed in contact after.”
“Oh,” Buck said in surprise. “You did?”
That made Chim huff out a humorless laugh. “Guess I’m not that good at keeping in touch with old friends. But yes, Sal and I talk these days. I guess. I was never planned as captain, not really. Bobby envisioned Hen before all of us, and when she declined, he needed to find someone else. I felt like- like he wouldn’t have chosen me if he didn’t have to. And then, he was gone but still sort of involved, and I wanted to do right by him but also become my own kind of captain, but no-one ever prepared me for it. I didn’t understand how to balance it. How to be a friend and a brother-in-law, but also a captain. How to see you as basically my little brother outside of work, but a firefighter and my employee on shift.” He sighed. “I should have pulled you aside and had a talk with you immediately when I got your forms. I just- I didn’t think it would be that serious. I- I didn’t think that these things actually happened. I’m sorry.”
Buck nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I’m sorry that you felt all that pressure.” A part of him was raging. How come it took Sal for Chim to understand what was going on? How come it wasn’t enough that Buck was feeling awful? But he let that go. Understanding how messed up this was would never ping on Chimney’s radar, and at this point, Buck wouldn’t fight for it.
“Thank you,” Chimney returned with something on his face that almost looked like a smile. “Sal’s been mentoring me. Bobby didn’t prepare any of us enough to become captain, but Sal knows what he’s doing. He’s helping me, and thanks to him, I think the 118 is working really well right now. And I’m coming to terms with- with the fact that I can respect and honor Bobby while still making my own thing. And that starts with having a Lieutenant.”
“That sounds great,” Buck said. He pushed down the question of whether Chimney would have chosen him as Lieutenant if he’d stayed. “So, the investigation is over?”
“Yes. And- sorry for accusing you of causing that. Sal showed me the documentation. It really looked bad. I made a huge mistake.” Chim was smiling now, but it looked sad, and Buck bit his tongue not to ask him why he didn’t see it while he was writing it. “We miss you. But it really looks like you’re thriving at Harbor.”
“I am,” Buck confirmed. “I could have thrived at the 118, too. But I think it was the best for all of us that I left.”
Chim shrugged. “We don’t know what would have happened if-” He didn’t finish that sentence. “I didn’t know we still had so much to learn. Chief’s making sure we’re getting our seminar hours in. And there’s gonna be a mark on our records, it’s that or getting fired. Eddie’s not going to be getting any promotion anytime soon. Or not soon. Hen’s on thin ice with the stuff she pulled before. And I’m the face of the station now, so. I can’t make another mistake like this, or I’m booted. Guess that’s what you get.”
“Well, you have time to learn,” Buck said. “You will probably make mistakes. But you can make sure it’s not like this one.”
“Yeah,” Chim agreed.
All in all, Buck had to say, it wasn’t an adequate apology. Not a bad one, and Chimney had at least apologized for a couple of things, but he didn’t acknowledge the zone that ended Buck in the hospital – made worse through Chimney’s treatment. He didn’t acknowledge the treatment before, making fun of Buck. Accusing Buck of faking his symptoms. Lying by omission and everything. He’d skirted past these topics – mentioning the report, speaking about balancing his private and his work relationships. But this was probably all Buck was going to get from Chim, at least for now. It was clear that he was trying to move past this without the collateral damage, but that had already been done. There were things Buck wanted to ask, topics he wanted to bring up, but in the end, he didn’t. It wasn’t worth it anymore. This was done and over, and Buck didn’t want to spend energy on fighting with Chimney. Perhaps, they could one day talk about all of it in full. Perhaps one day soon.
He took a breath and let it out. It was okay. He hadn’t expected Chimney to talk about it, and the apology he had gotten was already more than he’d hoped for. He didn’t need to be super close with Chim, not anymore. He just needed things to be civil when he met with Maddie and the kids. He just needed Chimney to cooperate should they ever meet in the field with Buck as captain.
Another breath in. He let himself feel the anger and disappointment that came with the realization that Chim wasn’t taking the full responsibility of what he’d done to Buck, and he let himself feel the worry that Chim never would. He breathed out and let himself feel the contentment that whoever came after him would not have the same experience with Chim, that everyone that followed in his footsteps would have a better captain who put the effort in. He let himself feel the hope that in the future, they could be actual friends – brothers – again.
Chimney didn’t seem to notice Buck keeping quiet. He grinned, slapping Buck on the shoulder. “Hey, maybe I’ll see you at the boring conferences I have to sit in sometime soon. You’ll learn true suffering then.”
Leave it to Chimney to end it on a joke. Buck hoped that Sal could teach him how to balance that better. Sal was hilarious. But Buck had also seen him in the field, and he sure wasn’t making jokes then.
Part of Buck wanted to bring up Tommy, and how he wouldn’t be forgiving Chimney anytime soon. But he didn’t. If Chimney was going to put in the work for one of his oldest friends, he had to make that step himself. And if he didn’t, well. Buck and Tommy would get over it.
They parted ways, Buck getting back to where Tommy was probably giving Harry the rundown about Harbor, and Chimney found Maddie. It wasn’t over, and it wasn’t forgotten, and it wasn’t even fully forgiven, but Buck felt lighter, anyway.
And then there was one. It was only Eddie left whom Buck had to tell, and he was the one Buck was the most worried about. He had to tell Eddie. He didn’t want him to find out from someone else, Buck knew how much it sucked. But he also wasn’t sure he and Eddie could get through a conversation without collateral damage at this point.
God, what had happened to them? And all because Buck had come online as a Sentinel. No. Not because of that. This whole thing had started way earlier, even before Eddie had decided to move to El Paso for Chris. This had been a long time coming.
Deciding he didn’t want to have this particular confrontation on his own, Buck looked around the backyard until his eyes met Tommy’s. Tommy was already looking at him, a question on his face. Buck felt his shoulders relax immediately. He watched as Tommy disengaged from the conversation he was part of to cross the yard and close the distance between them.
When he was close enough, Buck reached out a hand so he could take one of Tommy’s. “Chimney took it well,” he said.
“Good to hear.” Tommy squeezed his fingers. “So, only Diaz left?”
Buck nodded. “Don’t wanna talk to him on my own,” he said. “I don’t think that’s gonna end well.”
He watched Tommy’s eyebrows lift. “And you think it’ll end better if I’m there to talk to him?” he asked skeptically.
At that, Buck laughed. “Maybe not,” he relented, “but I’ll feel better with you here.”
He got a kiss for that. With a smile, Buck hummed into it, leaning into Tommy. It was just a short, chaste thing, but Buck could still feel eyes stinging in the back of his neck when he pulled away. When he looked over his shoulder, he saw Eddie, standing off to the side in the back of the yard, away from all the others. He looked angry, but that seemed to be his default at this point.
Showtime.
Together, they approached Eddie who was still doing his best impression of a thundercloud. Buck felt his eyebrows pull into a frown. Everyone was having a great time, talking and eating and having a drink, feeling comfortable in Buck and Tommy’s home after many rocky months. The people that Buck arguably had the most bad blood with, he’d been able to have civil conversation with.
“Hey,” Buck said as they came nearer, deciding it would be best for him to break the ice.
Eddie didn’t smile. If anything, his mouth pressed into a tighter line. He didn’t say anything, either. Buck felt irritation in him. Hadn’t the others always been on his case for being childish or immature? Sure, Buck could be pissy and petty and nasty, but for some reason, everyone always likened that to him acting like a child. But when it came to things like this – talking things out, taking responsibility, it was always someone else acting like a spoiled baby. And Eddie was amongst the people that called Buck a child the most!
“We’ve been telling the others, but we thought you should hear it from us first,” Tommy took over, and Buck was glad for it. “We’ve been chosen to be Captain West’s and Jacobi’s replacements once they retire.”
It sounded very professional, the way Tommy said it. Matter of fact. He didn’t sound like he was particularly proud of it, he was just stating something. That should be something that Eddie could respect. But there were many things that Eddie should or could do, and he very rarely actually did them.
Just like right then. Eddie pursed his lips, and an eyeroll followed before he focused on Buck. “Hm,” he scoffed. “You don’t get what you want at the 118, so you look for the next best station that’s going to give it to you?”
That. Honestly, that sort of made it sound like Buck was some sort of gold digger. Was- was Eddie slut shaming him for changing stations? It sounded weird.
“Can I do anything without it ruining your life forever?” Buck asked, feeling tired. He assumed Eddie was pissed that Buck was getting a promotion when he himself was blocked from that. And Eddie had accused him of making everything about himself. “Sure, we had some problems before, but ever since I became a Sentinel, you’ve been acting like I did it only to spite you. And- and that I’m using this to be a hero. I’m a five, Eddie! What am I supposed to do but use it? Sit behind a desk, twiddle my thumbs, would that have made you happy?” Buck bet Eddie would have complained about Buck using his grading to take the easy way.
Eddie already had his mouth open, no doubt to throw something Buck had done in the past in his face, something that had nothing to do with the situation at hand, but would hurt Buck enough to silence him right then. And then, Eddie would feel good because he had won the argument, and he’d act like nothing had happened. That’s how he did these things.
But this time, Tommy was here, and he cut through whatever Eddie had set up to say with a sharp, “We were your friends, Eddie.” His hand squeezed Buck’s. “Both of us. And now it’s none of us, and you should think about why that is.”
The rage that took over Eddie’s face was familiar to Buck at this point. “You broke up with him! What, you thought I’d stay friends with you after that?”
“No, but I thought you’d stay friends with him,” Tommy retorted. “I don’t need friends like you, I already had enough of them. But you can’t even stay loyal to the people you choose. Evan does everything for you, he drops things for you, and you make him fix the things you fucked up. For some reason, he would still like to fix this thing between you two, even though you broke it.” Tommy didn’t let go of Buck’s hand, but he pulled him closer to his side. “I allowed you into this house today because we wanted to give all of you the news. And everyone has reacted with congratulations to us, even the people I haven’t spoken to in months. All of them except for you. Wonder why that is.”
“What are you implying?” Eddie snapped.
“I don’t know, what do you think?” Tommy asked in a bored tone. “You’re the master of projection, Diaz, you tell me what you think I’m trying to tell you.”
For a change, Eddie stayed quiet. Tommy nodded slowly, as if he’d expected that. Buck looked at the man who used to be his best friend, and he couldn’t even summon anger at him. All he felt was sadness. This was how it ended. The three of them had been friends. Well, Buck and Tommy had been more, but Eddie had been friends with both of them, and it had been fun. Some of the best time of Buck’s life. Now, it was gone, and Buck didn’t think it could ever return.
“If you ever want to have a civil talk about this, you know where to find me,” Buck said, deciding to end this conversation before Eddie found his voice again. “We just wanted you to know. In case we meet you out in the field.”
With that, they left Eddie standing there, and they didn’t talk to him until they bid their friends goodbye. Buck wasn’t even truly disappointed. He had expected that Eddie wouldn’t be excited for him. From what he understood, while everyone was in counseling for some reason or other, Eddie wasn’t going back to therapy. And he also didn’t have a mentor who would knock him over the head with a shovel if he did something wrong.
Still, it had been a success, this dinner. Buck had talked with everyone, and almost all of them had been positive, and he felt like they were rebuilding the relationships they had lost. They were all growing in different directions, and along the way, they would still find each other. Only Eddie couldn’t find it in him. And Buck didn’t want to sit around and wait. If one day, they could move past this and be friends again, that would be fine. If not, then so be it. Buck was moving forwards with or without them, and he was glad that at least most of them were with him.
Life returned to normal after that. Like the normal before the lab, before everything in Buck’s life went sideways in the weirdest ways possible.
He hung out with Maddie – Chim by proxy, and things were alright with him but not anywhere near what it used to be – and with Hen, with Ari, with Ravi. He saw Bobby sometimes. Tommy felt comfortable leaving Buck for longer periods of time so he could actually meet his own friends on his own, too. Sal and Tracy and a couple of Muay Thai buddies. They didn’t see the 118 on calls that often, but sometimes they worked the same ones. They both spoke to Harry often, who seemed like he was actually, genuinely interested in going for air ops – much to Athena’s chagrin.
At work, things moved. Right this moment, it wasn’t clear whether or when Richie and Miriam would retire, but the possibility was there, and it seemed to relax Richie a lot that he now had a second-in-command duo at the ready to take over.
Buck and Tommy weren’t captains yet, and if things worked out for them, it would take another couple of years before they actually took on that mantle. But since they were now official successors, Miriam and Richie made sure to give them more leadership opportunities out in the field. They flew together, they stayed on the ground, they made decisions. It felt like the most natural thing.
And yes, perhaps Buck wouldn’t have chosen this back before he came online. Air ops, or becoming captain of said air ops station. But he was looking that future right in the eyes, and he couldn’t wait for it. Every step along the way, Tommy was next to him. His Guide, and the love of his life. What more could he really want?
So, it became a guaranteed thing. No matter where he was out and about on calls, Tommy was there. And to the question, “Ready, Sentinel?” Buck would always answer, “Ready, Guide.”