Chapter Text
Oscar feels like shit.
He was holding up so well. He knows he's a mess, he can't help it. He has accepted that he is going to be like this for the rest of his life but—
This time, it hurts so much that he can't breathe.
He tries to clutch at something, something so he can cling to reality. He can feel himself fading away. For the first time in a while, he doesn't want to let go. He wants to stay.
He doesn't know the reason.
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The next time he wakes up, the light in his room has faded. The sun must be setting, then.
Surprisingly, he doesn't feel tired. Maybe it's because he got the much needed sleep. He leaves the bed and goes to the window.
The sun is setting.
All things have beginnings, and all things have an end too. Every beginning is some other beginning's end.
In life, for good things to start, other good things have to end.
Oscar takes a deep breath. His mind has found a new clarity, and he doesn't know what to do with it.
Usually, Max is the one with this clarity. He's the one trying to reason with Oscar and make him come out of his shell of despair. But today, he thinks for himself.
How many years since Logan died? It feels like 20 years. He knows it's his mind playing tricks on him, but it really feels that long. Logan was like an extension of him, but he feels like he knew Logan a long time ago.
Memory fades with time, and he can feel Logan slipping away.
He can't remember his voice. He can hardly remember his face.
A new rush of panic sets in, but he recovers quickly this time. He tries to find the old Oscar, the one who was always calm and collected, never letting panic unsettle him. He feels like that part died with Logan.
It also feels like a distant memory now.
But it's a memory he can reach, unlike some others. He still has himself. He's not completely gone.
The sun is setting, and it makes the sky catch fire. It oddly resembles a certain someone's hair in the sun.
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He meets Charles on his way to dinner.
" Better?" He asks.
Oscar nods. He really feels better, better than ever. It's almost unnerving. Charles is also looking at him suspiciously.
It hits him middle in the hallway just how much Charles means to him. If it weren't for Charles, he wouldn't have survived.
If it were anyone other than them, he would have been gone a long time ago.
He's here because they didn't give up on him. Because they cared about him. His eyes start to water.
Charles looks concerned now.
" Oscar? What's wrong?"
" I just.." He chokes on his words. " Thank you."
Charles looks stunned. Then he laughs awkwardly.
" Thank you about what, Oscar?"
" You know what I mean." He insists. " You did not abandon me. You.. you cared about me. I would be dead without you."
Shit, now Charles is crying too. He doesn't know where all these emotions are coming from.
Carlos passes by the hallway just at that moment, and to his horror, Lando is with her.
The sky catches fire.
Carlos sees the two men crying and starts ranting exasperatedly while Lando stands awkwardly behind her.
It's all a blur after that. He thanks everyone— his family— for what they've done for him so far. Max becomes involved too at some point.
He doesn't know from where all this sincerity is coming from, but he's feeling better.
Maybe this is all a trick. Maybe he will go back to being worse tomorrow. But for now, he is here, and he is happy.
He wants to cherish it.
Max drops the bomb over dinner.
" I think Lando should stay here from now on."
Lando tenses. Her gaze darts nervously around the room, scanning.
Carlos light ups while Charles just grumbles, but Oscar can see the hint of fondness.
He realizes Max is looking at him.
He clears his throat. " Yeah, ah, that'd be good, I think."
Lando looks at him, surprised. What, did she think he was going to say no? He's not that horrible.
" But I do not know if I will be allowed—" Lando says.
" I'll talk to Daniel. Don't worry. He may be an asshole, but I think he'll listen this time."
Lando hesitates. " Will you tell him about...?"
" Do you want me to?" Lando shakes his head.
" Then I won't tell him. Do you have anything to bring here from your old base?"
" I don't, um, I never really kept any personal belongings."
Carlos looks heartbroken. " Why?"
Lando is starting to look even more uncomfortable now. " I just— It would be inconvenient, you know. If I ever had to run."
Oscar tries to remember the first time they met and wonders if she was running away then too.
Carlos pats her head. " I hope you never have to run away anymore."
Lando just smiles.
Dinner is a quiet affair after that, with Charles doing most of the talking.
Carlos and Max decide on Lando's room, which is adjacent to Oscar's.
" I will help you decorate it, Landito. Oh! It will be so pretty. We also have to do shopping, right? What about tomorrow?"
Lando says she's tired, which he suspects is just an excuse to get away from Carlos for a while.
" You should rest for tomorrow, and then go the day after. Carlos, don't overwhelm her."
Carlos just rolls her eyes. " Okay, papa."
Oscar observed Lando. She looks— tired.
But also well rested. Her face shows a serenity that was never there before.
And her hair is getting longer.
" What?" Lando says harshly, and he realizes he's been staring at her too long.
" Nothing. Just... your hair."
" What about my hair?"
" It's.. longer now."
She suddenly looks insecure. Fuck, he didn't mean it that way.
" It's just— an observation! I didn't mean anything bad by it!" He scurries to explain.
" Okay."
Oscar blinks. " Okay?"
Lando looks irritated. " What now?"
" It's just— you would've usually grabbed my throat by now—"
" So you can't handle me being nice? I'm staring to think you have a preference."
Oscar feels his face heat up. Suddenly he remembers that there are other people at the table.
" I just... sorry."
He feels hot.
" Well, they sure are getting along." Charles mutters.
That rewards him with a slap from Carlos.
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