Chapter Text
Yue Qingyuan made a mistake.
It hadn’t felt like a mistake at the time. It felt like the right thing to do—the best thing to do. Shen Qingqiu had given him the rare opportunity to lead things in bed, and what else could Yue Qingyuan do but use that opportunity to its fullest extent? And for all his impatience and frustration, Shen Qingqiu had actually seemed to enjoy it, up until—well.
Yue Qingyuan’s heart had been scraped raw as he held Shen Qingqiu in the aftermath. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen him cry—and even then, it was probably the fake tears Xiao-Jiu used to pull out when they were begging. Shen Qingqiu had eventually fallen asleep like that, and Yue Qingyuan had carefully pulled away to clean things up before getting back in bed to hold him.
In the morning, Shen Qingqiu was gone.
Yue Qingyuan’s immediate fears were assuaged when Shen Qingqiu visited Qiong Ding Peak later in the day. He acted much the same as usual—if a bit stiff—and Yue Qingyuan tentatively concluded that perhaps he was merely embarrassed.
That conclusion persisted for the next few days; they continued spending as much time together as usual, with the exception that Shen Qingqiu suddenly wanted to abstain from sex. They still kissed, and Yue Qingyuan could still sense Shen Qingqiu getting worked up, but whenever it came to the point that they would usually advance things, Shen Qingqiu would instead pull back.
Which was fine. Yue Qingyuan had gone this far in his life without ever having sex, so he had no issue taking a break from it if that was what Shen Qingqiu wanted. Or never doing it again, if that was what Shen Qingqiu wanted. It was just…
Well. He had grown a bit used to having sex. And he quite liked it. And as more time passed with Shen Qingqiu wanting nothing more to do with it, Yue Qingyuan couldn’t help but wonder if there was an underlying issue.
Had he done something wrong?
They never talked about that night—Shen Qingqiu was unwilling to, and Yue Qingyuan was unsure how to even begin. The way Shen Qingqiu had called him Qi-ge… Was it a one-time thing, brought on by the intense emotions of the moment, or could Yue Qingyuan hope to hear it again? As it was, he was afraid to ask, and he didn’t dare take the risk of calling him Xiao-Jiu when things were so uncertain.
Adding to his fears was the fact that Shen Qingqiu was acting increasingly strange. Yue Qingyuan would catch him staring with an intense expression, like he was waiting for something. For what? Was he expecting Yue Qingyuan to say something?
In that case…perhaps he should gather up the nerve.
“Qingqiu-shidi,” he said one day, “I was wondering…”
Shen Qingqiu’s head snapped up, and Yue Qingyuan faltered. He abruptly realized how inappropriate it was to try to initiate this conversation right now; they were in his office on Qiong Ding Peak, in the middle of doing paperwork together.
When he failed to continue, Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”
“Did I…” Yue Qingyuan cleared his throat. “Did I do something wrong?”
Shen Qingqiu’s expression turned baffled. “What?”
“If you’re truly no longer interested in…” He dropped his gaze as an embarrassed flush filled his cheeks. “That is, I understand if you no longer wish to…” He gestured vaguely. “But, if it’s because of that night—because of something I did—then I would rather you tell me, so I can… We, we don’t have to do things that way ever again, if you don’t want to.”
Shen Qingqiu stared at him. “You’re upset we’re not having sex?”
“Not—Not upset, just…”
“Is that all?” He interrupted. When Yue Qingyuan only gave him a confused look, he turned away and huffed. “You’re such an idiot.”
This was far from the first time Shen Qingqiu had called him such a thing. In fact, he’d done so with increasing frequency ever since the change to their relationship—usually with a fond sort of exasperation. But right now, he only sounded irritated. At a loss, Yue Qingyuan blinked. “Shidi?”
Shen Qingqiu glared at him. “Two weeks, and it still hasn’t worn off? You still haven’t realized what’s been done to you? The so-called most powerful cultivator in the world was so easily tricked—it makes me fear for our sect’s security.”
“Tricked?” Yue Qingyuan repeated. “What do you—”
Oh no.
Had his previous suspicions been correct all along? Had Shen Qingqiu truly been affected by something this whole time—or worse, possessed—and Yue Qingyuan had been too distracted with selfish indulgences to properly investigate the issue? The mere thought made him sick. He’d already failed Shen Qingqiu before, and now—
“Isn’t it obvious?” Shen Qingqiu lifted his chin, haughty. “You’ve been under the effects of a love potion this whole time.”
Yue Qingyuan faltered. Love potion…? This whole time…?
“But…” He frowned to himself. “How could you have managed to get your hands on such a thing back then?”
Confusion bled through the smug expression on Shen Qingqiu’s face. “Back when?”
“Back when we were children.”
They stared at each other.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Shen Qingqiu asked. “I did it three months ago.”
Three months ago? When would Shen Qingqiu have—
Ah.
“So that’s why the tea tasted odd,” Yue Qingyuan mused out loud.
“You noticed that much, at least,” Shen Qingqiu sniffed. “But you were still disgustingly easy to distract from your suspicions—” He paused. “Why did you think I’d done it when we were children?”
Heat slowly filled Yue Qingyuan’s face, and he averted his gaze.
“You…” Shen Qingqiu’s face turned a bright red to match. “Are you seriously trying to tell me you had such feelings back then? You expect me to believe that?!”
And here Yue Qingyuan had thought he’d been painfully obvious about it, all this time. But apparently not, if Shen Qingqiu had felt the need to go so far as to give him a love potion— Wait.
Belatedly, the full meaning of Shen Qingqiu’s confession registered in Yue Qingyuan’s mind, recontextualizing the past three months. Shen Qingqiu’s abrupt change in behavior, his sudden willingness to spend time around him. It wasn’t because something had happened to Shen Qingqiu, but because Shen Qingqiu thought something had happened to him. Had facilitated it, in fact.
“But…” Yue Qingyuan shook his head, confused. “Why would you do such a thing?”
For a moment, Shen Qingqiu hesitated. But then his mask was back up, haughty and indifferent. “To control you, obviously. To have the sect leader in the palm of my hand and willing to do my bidding. To make sure that you can’t—”
He cut off, and then his fan abruptly appeared, covering the lower half of his face while he glared at Yue Qingyuan over the top of it. It didn’t quite succeed in hiding the pink in his cheeks.
You can’t ever leave me again.
Ah…
Perhaps this was just his own foolish, selfish hopes talking, but Yue Qingyuan thought he understood the situation. Shen Qingqiu may claim that his goal was to have Cang Qiong’s sect leader at his beck and call, but what all had he really done after the potion ‘took effect?’ He’d made no special demands of Yue Qingyuan, nor tried to abuse his supposed new power on a professional level. He’d barely even said anything at the last peak lord meeting, looking lost in thought for the majority of it. It was only afterwards that he approached Yue Qingyuan, and that was to—ah, well. Suffice to say, it wasn’t for sect-related business.
All this time, Shen Qingqiu had simply…spent time with him. They ate meals together and worked side-by-side whenever they had the ability to do so. They often slept in the same bed and—did other things there, too. Shen Qingqiu had given him a love potion, and once he felt assured that it had worked, he’d attached himself to Yue Qingyuan’s side and basked in it.
…It was rather romantic, when Yue Qingyuan thought about it.
The snap of Shen Qingqiu’s fan pulled him from his thoughts. With his blush under control, Shen Qingqiu had shut it in order to gesture at Yue Qingyuan. “Clearly, the potion is affecting your memory. You only think you’ve loved me all that time.”
Yue Qingyuan couldn’t help but be a little offended. “I’m quite aware of my own feelings.”
Shen Qingqiu scoffed. “If that were truly the case, then you wouldn’t have—” He stopped as though suddenly remembering something, then shook his head and muttered, “It must not have worn off yet. How long will it take…?”
“Shidi,” Yue Qingyuan paused to consider his wording. “While I have no doubt that you would be capable of sourcing only the finest brews, I’m afraid even the best love potion would be rendered null if the feelings are already there.”
“And yet, the best love potion might succeed in coloring your memories and making you think the feelings were already there.”
Yue Qingyuan pressed his lips together instead of arguing. He was sure he was correct about this, but Shen Qingqiu seemed equally sure of himself—and, technically, the argument he was making was sound. They were at an impasse.
“In that case,” Yue Qingyuan eventually said, “I’d be happy to go to Mu-shidi for an examination.”
It was the only solution, really. Otherwise, who knew how long Shen Qingqiu would be willing to wait for the ‘effects’ to wear off?
Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he eventually agreed. Soon enough, they met with Mu Qingfang, who looked immediately tired upon seeing the two of them together. When Shen Qingqiu demanded that he test Yue Qingyuan for evidence of a love potion, Mu Qingfang briefly cast his gaze towards the heavens before gesturing for Yue Qingyuan to sit down.
A heavy silence filled the room as Mu Qingfang checked Yue Qingyuan’s qi for any anomalies. Afterwards, he took a sample of Yue Qingyuan’s blood and brought it over to a table full of medical and pill-refining equipment. He ground a few herbs together, mixed them into the blood, then waited for any reaction.
Nothing.
With a small sigh, Mu Qingfang gave Yue Qingyuan a smile. “It seems Zhangmen-shixiong lucked out. I detect no traces of any love potion.”
Yue Qingyuan perked up. “Meaning it’s worn off?”
“Meaning it never existed,” Mu Qingfang corrected. “If, hypothetically, you were dosed and it had simply worn off by now, a potion as powerful as the one that allegedly affected you would still leave detectable traces in your system for up to a year. This shidi found nothing.”
“That isn’t possible.” Shen Qingqiu nearly bared his teeth. “I’m quite sure that Zhangmen-shixiong was indeed drugged.”
Mu Qingfang gave him a knowing, exasperated look. “Shen-shixiong wouldn’t happen to have any of this potion that someone dosed Zhangmen-shixiong with on-hand, would he?”
After a few moments’ hesitation, Shen Qingqiu reached into his sleeve and pulled out a small, delicate glass vial. In it, Yue Qingyuan could make out what looked like a mere few remaining drops of a vibrant pink liquid.
“If I may.” Mu Qingfang held out a hand, and Shen Qingqiu reluctantly gave him the vial. Mu Qingfang held it up towards the light, swirling the liquid around as he studied it closely. Then, he opened the vial and carefully wafted the scent towards himself. After a moment, he frowned and moved the vial under his nose to outright sniff it. His eyebrows shot up, and he stuck a pinkie finger directly into the liquid, then withdrew it and put it in his mouth.
“Mu-shidi?!”
Mu Qingfang hummed thoughtfully at the taste, then re-corked the vial and turned to them with a neutral smile. “Shen-shixiong,” he said, “this is concentrated rose extract.”
Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan were speechless.
“It’s very high quality,” he added when they both failed to respond. “And the color is truly magnificent—I’m curious how it was achieved. Ah, but there are no magical effects to it. It’s certainly not a love potion.”
After a few more beats of silence, Shen Qingqiu turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.
“Qingqiu-shidi?” Yue Qingyuan shot to his feet. “Where are you going?”
“To kill a succubus,” he spat over his shoulder, then slammed the door shut.
It was unclear whether Shen Qingqiu managed to find that succubus and kill her.
He did return to the sect a few days later, sneaking in during the dead of night. Yue Qingyuan only found out the next morning when he overheard some disciples whispering just a bit too loudly about it. Though he had worried about Shen Qingqiu while he was gone, hearing that he had returned only made Yue Qingyuan more anxious. He’d hoped to figure out what to do about the situation before Shen Qingqiu came back, but he hadn’t. He wasn’t sure how to face him.
It had taken nearly a shichen after Shen Qingqiu’s sudden departure for all the new pieces of information to settle in Yue Qingyuan’s mind, and for him to fully process the implications of some of the things Shen Qingqiu had said.
Two weeks. Shen Qingqiu had been surprised that the potion still hadn’t worn off after two weeks. Yue Qingyuan hadn’t registered the significance at the time, but it wasn’t difficult to pinpoint exactly what Shen Qingqiu had meant. After all, it was the same reason Yue Qingyuan had started the conversation in the first place: two weeks since the last time they’d had sex.
The love potion was fake, but Shen Qingqiu had believed it was real, and he’d been under the impression that in order to sustain its effects, he needed to—
How much of their relationship had been faked on his part? How much was Shen Qingqiu forcing himself to endure? That night—Yue Qingyuan still couldn’t fully puzzle out that night. Why take the risk of doing something different, of letting Yue Qingyuan take the reins, if the act of sex was just perfunctory? Was it just perfunctory?
Yue Qingyuan had his hopes, but he also had his fears. The latter stalled him from braving the flight to Qing Jing Peak for two more days.
Eventually, he managed to pull himself together. It was obvious that Shen Qingqiu wasn’t going to come to Qiong Ding Peak. That was fine; they could do this in his territory. Whatever the outcome, whether Yue Qingyuan’s heart would shatter, he would always ensure that Shen Qingqiu was okay.
Shen Qingqiu answered the door with the expression of a man called up to the gallows. He didn’t even greet Yue Qingyuan—merely turned and headed back into the house, leaving Yue Qingyuan to let himself in.
As soon as the door was closed, Shen Qingqiu rounded on him. “Zhangmen-shixiong has decided on this shidi’s punishment, then?”
Yue Qingyuan blinked. “Punishment?”
“I drugged my own sect leader. Surely such a crime can’t go ignored.”
“Well,” Yue Qingyuan tucked his hands in his sleeves, “seeing as it was only rose extract…”
Those sharp eyes narrowed. “Are you here to mock me? Or are you actually so spineless that you’re afraid to seek justice for such a major trespass?”
“I do not wish to punish you, Qingqiu-shidi,” Yue Qingyuan countered, fighting back a flare of annoyance. His words seemed to surprise Shen Qingqiu. Forget spineless—did Shen Qingqiu think he was so heartless as to punish him over this? Besides, “I only wish that…that you hadn’t forced yourself to endure certain things for the sake of your goal.”
Shen Qingqiu regarded him warily. “‘Certain things?’”
Yue Qingyuan lowered his gaze, trying and failing to will away the heat in his face. “You thought that the potion required sex to stay in effect, right? If you were forcing yourself that whole time…then that’s far greater than any punishment I might inflict upon you.”
The room was silent for a few moments. Yue Qingyuan didn’t dare lift his gaze, afraid of what expression might be on Shen Qingqiu’s face. Regret? Pain? He couldn’t bear to see that.
“You really can be such a fool sometimes.”
Startled, Yue Qingyuan looked up just in time to see Shen Qingqiu crossing the room towards him. Before he could react, there were hands yanking him down by the lapels and a familiar pair of lips against his own. Shen Qingqiu pulled away just as quickly as he’d kissed him, hands still gripping his robes and glaring up at him with pink cheeks.
“If you truly think I was just enduring that whole time, then I fear we really do have an idiot leading the sect.”
Yue Qingyuan gaped at him. His lips tingled with the remnants of their kiss, and he opened and closed them a few times before stammering out, “Well, I— Of course I hoped that wasn’t the case, but— If not that, then…?” He searched Shen Qingqiu’s face, hope pounding in his chest.
One of Shen Qingqiu’s hands came up to grab the nape of Yue Qingyuan’s neck, fingers curling towards the front in a hold that wasn’t quite threatening. “That night,” he said, “you said you would never leave me again. That you—never wanted to leave me. Is that true?”
“Of course,” Yue Qingyuan breathed. Shen Qingqiu searched his face, looking for any hint of a lie, before pulling him back in for a demanding, possessive kiss.
“Good,” he murmured when they resurfaced. He tilted to rest his forehead against Yue Qingyuan’s as they caught their breath. “Because if you ever try to, I’ll kill you.”
The hand around Yue Qingyuan’s neck tightened in warning. “And this time, I’ll make sure the poison is real.”
Yue Qingyuan’s breath hitched, and he could do nothing but pull Shen Qingqiu back in.