Chapter Text
Kihyun
Mom, I think you and me and father should talk tonight
Mom
Alright, dear
---
“Did you send it?”
Kihyun sighed, staring at his phone.
“Yeah. She said we could talk. Hah.” Kihyun shook his head, curling up on Changkyun’s bed.
Changkyun frowned, scooching closer to run his fingers through Kihyun’s hair. “It’s better like this. I’m not one to talk, God help you when you finally meet my mother, but… It’s better than just ignoring it."
Kihyun groaned, burying his face in the pillow.
“But it’s so much easier to just ignore it. Like, we can all pretend it doesn’t exist and live peacefully in self-inflicted discomfort and ignorance. It’ll be great.”
“Listen,” Changkyun scoffed. “I am all for procrastination, but shit like this just, gets worse the more you ignore it. You know that.”
Kihyun pushed himself up and frowned at Changkyun.
“Listen, everything might have worked out. We don’t know for sure it wouldn’t have worked.” Changkyun quirked an entirely disbelieving eyebrow and Kihyun sighed. “I just… don’t want to see my father again.”
“Completely understandable,” Changkyun nodded. “There’s parts of my family I haven’t seen in years and don’t intend to. I get it. But that was after I got to say everything I wanted and it felt really, really good. And some of them even still talked to me afterwards.”
Kihyun scrunched his nose and moved over to lay his head on Changkyun’s shoulder.
“Okay, yeah, but my father doesn’t even want me in his family. I’m not even sure I want to be in my family.”
Changkyun laughed softly, hands trailing up and down Kihyun’s back. “Then you don’t have anything to be scared of. It’s just some more people you can reprimand to your liking.”
Kihyun scoffed, nosing into Changkyun’s neck.
“You act like I actually like reprimanding people.” Kihyun paused. “Well, okay, yeah, sometimes. When they deserve it.”
“Well, they definitely do.”
Kihyun said nothing, closing his eyes and just breathing, feeling Changkyun’s heartbeat (which still managed to be slightly erratic, even after a week and a half of acclimatiSing themselves to being able, to being allowed, to touch, casually, constantly) and finding comfort in the warmth, there.
“Do you…” Changkyun swallowed. “Do you want me to come with you? I’m really awkward, but I can, I don’t know, hold your hand and nod vehemently at everything you say?”
Kihyun snorted. He was too comfortable and warm now to panic properly now, to enter into a head-space that made his skin itchy and tight, but he could feel it linger under the surface. The hand smoothing its way up and down his back helped, though.
“Now that’s an image. You just sitting there, nodding and trying to keep a serious face. You have the most expressive face I’ve ever seen, Changkyun. You really can’t keep a straight face.”
“Isn’t that the point?” Changkyun teased, pressing a finger into Kihyun’s side (Kihyun quickly swatting his hand away and nestling back into his shoulder, feeling Changkyun’s voice rumble against his ear, warm and comforting.)
“Oh, shut up. Yeah, probably.”
“So was that a ‘yes, walk into my parents’ house on my arm like the trophy wife you are’ or ‘no way in hell I’m letting you sit there and look like an idiot’? I’m a bit unclear.”
“Why are you the trophy wife? Is this supposed to imply that I’m the one that makes the money and shit? Let me be the trophy wife.”
“Oh, shush, you can be the trophy wife when you meet my parents.”
Kihyun could physically feel his face pale, and he glanced up at Changkyun with wide eyes.
“Oh, yeah, god, I still have to do that.”
Changkyun rolled his eyes, smiling, placing a quick kiss on Kihyun’s cheek. “You have literally nothing to worry about. My dad's super chill. And my mother’ll probably insist you’re too good for me and then try to teach you how to two step ‘for the wedding’.”
“...She does know it’s not actually legal for us to get married, right?”
Changkyun shrugged. “She’s an optimist. All I’m saying, is that I told her I was gay and she said ‘No Shit, Sherlock’. Didn’t even pause the show she was watching. You’ll be fine.”
Kihyun laughed quietly against Changkyun’s neck.
“That sounds… underwhelming. Nice, but doesn’t quite live up to the hype of coming out.”
“‘Coming out’ is for the straights. Ridiculous concept, but we indulge them,” Changkyun joked, laughing, before his hand stilled on the small of Kihyun’s back. “Wait, your only problem with us getting married is that it’s not legal?”
Kihyun stiffened and stuttered.
“Well, you see, in a purely hypothetical situation-- I mean I wouldn’t be against --” Kihyun shut his mouth with an almost audible snap, burying his head further into Changkyun’s neck. Who was laughing. The ass. “Shut up.”
“I’ll make sure my mum teaches you, then,” Changkyun said without a hint of mirth, turning his face to press his lips against the sensitive skin behind Kihyun’s ear. “Are you okay?”
Kihyun shivered lightly.
“Yeah. What makes you think I can’t dance?”
“Mmm,” Changkyun hummed against Kihyun’s skin. “Can you?”
Kihyun pursed his lips, trying to subtly open up as much of his neck as possible. He had a weak spot, okay?
“M-maybe. A bit. My mom made me take a few classes in high school.”
“You’ll have to show me some time.” Changkyun, thankfully, took the hint, brushing his lips against Kihyun’s skin and placing soft kisses down his neck and against the line of his jaw.
“Where-- where do we ever-- would we ever dance like that. D-Do you just want to dance in some random room?” Kihyun laughed, slightly breathless, one hand sneaking up to weave into Changkyun’s hair.
Changkyun pressed closer, hands on Kihyun’s waist, fingers teasing at the hem of Kihyun’s shirt as he hummed against his skin again. “Mmm, mine would do. I’ll sing us a song and we’ll dance like in the movies.”
“You’ll sing a song? I thought you hated singing.” Kihyun was squirming slightly, he knew he was, but Changkyun’s fingers were tickling, gentle, dragging slightly against his stomach.
“I want to see if you can dance while in stitches laughing,” Changkyun breathed out a slightly shaky laugh, hand snaking up the back of Kihyun’s shirt.
“I wouldn’t be laughing. Too much,” Kihyun smiled, pressing a kiss just beneath Changkyun’s jaw, his own hand smoothing over Changkyun’s stomach. Kihyun had a shaky, anticipating feeling in his stomach, something he was familiar with but hadn’t felt in years, and even that… Hadn’t felt like this. It had tugged and pulled at him, but hadn’t left him feeling like every inch of his skin was too hot and too cold, hadn’t made his hands shake like this, hadn’t made his head spin and heart tighten and flutter painfully, dizzyingly. Changkyun took a breath, leaning his forehead against Kihyun’s chest and it felt a lot like standing on the edge of a cliff.
“You okay?” Kihyun asked, reaching down to tilt his head up and gently touch Changkyun’s cheek. He traced his fingers along the small indents on Changkyun’s cheek and felt him flinch beneath his touch. “Changkyun?”
“I’m sorry, I just--” Changkyun raised his hand to cover his cheek, tilting his head down again, eyes avoiding Kihyun’s. Kihyun felt his heart clench and, on a whim, dove in a placed a kiss on Changkyun’s other cheek.
“Don’t be sorry. You’re beautiful, Changkyun. Don’t…” Kihyun paused, lifting a shaky hand to cup Changkyun’s scarred cheek. “Don’t hide from me. You’re beautiful.”
And, and he was , and Kihyun couldn’t, he couldn’t believe, didn’t know even know how , this boy could think he wasn’t. He shone like a fucking star, all through Kihyun’s photographs and, and Kihyun just wanted to tell him until he believed it.
Changkyun raised his eyes and a smile tugged at his lips. “You’re biased.”
Kihyun shrugged, pulling Changkyun closer. “So? Doesn’t mean it isn’t true. You have no idea how hard it was to pick some pictures for the gallery. I wanted to pick all of them, but, you know, the gallery is only that big.”
Changkyun laughed softly, flushing up to his ears and threatening to duck his head down again. Kihyun kept his hand on his cheek, thumb gently stroking. Changkyun’s eyes softened so perceptively Kihyun couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t been joking when he said Changkyun’s face read like an open book, but he didn’t mind it one bit.
“I should show you some of the texts I sent Hyungwon and Jooheon about you,” Changkyun admitted with a laugh, eyes glancing down shyly. “The cute boy in my programming class. You wore a beanie once and the world collapsed in on itself. I… I still look at you and wonder how you’re real, how any of this is real.”
Kihyun flushed, shifting so he could place a long, lingering kiss against Changkyun’s lips.
“That’s so fucking sappy. I love it.”
“And I love you,” Changkyun breathed. “So so much.”
“I love you too. I was stupid to try and pretend I didn’t. I’m sorry I fucked up a lot, but I love you a lot. I do,” Kihyun breathed, pressing his face against Changkyun chest.
“Don’t be sorry,” Changkyun said and Kihyun could almost laugh, if Changkyun’s hand wasn’t in his hair, if his nails weren’t dragging softly down the small of his back. “You’re here now.”
“Yeah,” Kihyun agreed, kissing down to Changkyun’s collarbones, “Yeah, I’m here.” Kihyun’s heart was pounding and he felt a little bit like he wanted to die, but, but Changkyun was here and he was holding onto Kihyun so tightly Kihyun could barely think past the constant refrain of ‘I love him’.
Changkyun kept his grip on him even as he pulled back, just enough to create and instantly close that space between their lips. He was pulling Kihyun closer, like they could be closer even with their chests pressed up against each other, Changkyun’s hand gripped tightly at the back of Kihyun’s neck.
Kihyun smoothed his hand down Changkyun’s side, hesitating at the edge of Changkyun’s shirt.
“Is this okay?”
“Yes,” Changkyun breathed against his lips, swallowing thickly as Kihyun let his hand wander under the shirt, pushing lightly in the process until Changkyun tipped over backwards, ending up beneath Kihyun, staring up at him with wide eyes as Kihyun’s hands continued to push up his shirt.
Kihyun ducked down to place a kiss to Changkyun’s soft stomach and he could feel Changkyun’s stomach muscles contract, could feel the way Changkyun shook under his touch. Kihyun smoothed his hands up Changkyun’s sides, pushing the shirt up only after kissing the skin the motion left uncovered, working his way up, inch by inch, until it bunched up and Changkyun lifted himself and his arms so Kihyun could pull it off. Changkyun’s arms immediately came up to cover himself, head ducking down again, and Kihyun shook his head, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips until he could feel the tenseness in his shoulders dissipate, and his arms slowly come down to his sides.
“Don’t hide from me,” Kihyun repeated, smoothing a hand over Changkyun’s chest, thumbing almost absent-mindedly at a nipple, revelling in the soft little gasp Changkyun gave. He guided Changkyun’s hands to the hem of his own shirt, nodding as if giving permission and lifting his arms obligingly when Changkyun slowly, slowly, started sliding his shirt off. Kihyun found Changkyun’s eyes again, and--God, Changkyun was smiling at him and he felt himself smile, heard himself giggle. Changkyun smoothed a hand over Kihyun’s hair.
“Hello.”
Changkyun was smiling, smiling so beautifully, head tilted, lying open and vulnerable in front of Kihyun and Kihyun’s heart felt so full he could hardly breathe.
“Hey,” Kihyun giggled again and leaned down, hoping his soft, insistent kiss would make Changkyun feel even a little bit close to as precious as he was to Kihyun. Kihyun moved, knees on either side of Changyun’s hips, and could do nothing to prevent gasping against Changkyun’s lips.
“Are you okay?” Changkyun giggled shakily against Kihyun’s lips, breathless as he ran a hand down Kihyun’s back (his bare back, oh my god), shyly lingering at the waist of Kihyun’s sweatpants.
“I’m, I’m fine,” Kihyun breathed, unable to stop his own hands from going back to playing with Changkyun’s chest, just to see Changkyun gasp and writhe against him. “Changkyun, I--Do you--” Kihyun bit down onto his lip and against the question that shouldn’t be this difficult. “What do you want?”
“You.”
Kihyun laughed, breathy, because of course he would say that. He looked down to see Changkyun smiling up at him, gently, but with a serious look in his eyes that had something deep inside Kihyun aching .
“You, and everything you’re willing to give.”
“That’s so fucking cheesy,” Kihyun smiled, kicking down slightly with his hips to see Changkyun gasp, curling up slightly.
“I,” Changkyun panted, hands gripping at Kihyun, more urgent, and Kihyun could feel his nails dig just slightly into his skin and he almost shivered. “I have really annoying friends who showed up here two days ago with a Couple’s Care Package . J-just thought you should know.”
Kihyun let out a full-bellied laugh at this, sitting up so that he properly straddled Changkyun’s waist.
“You have really annoying friends. But, at this moment, I kinda wanna know where this so called Care Package is.”
Changkyun laughed softly, eyes scrunched shut and face red. “There’s a really obvious joke there but I’m going to ignore it. It’s--” He lifted his hand towards his bedside table, taking deep, steadying breaths. “I shoved it into the bottom drawer.”
Kihyun gently shoved Changkyun back onto the bed from his slightly raised position, getting up to get it out, valiantly trying to ignore the tent he knew he was sporting. Changkyun, however, seemed to have no such misgivings.
“Oh, so you are just excited to see me.”
Kihyun flushed, but turned around to raise an eyebrow at Changkyun’s own crotch.
“You’re one to talk.”
Changkyun groaned, legs twitching, as if wanting to lift up. “Just get back here ,” Changkyun chuckled, running a hand over his face and peeking through his fingers at Kihyun.
Kihyun who... Who… was staring at the products in his hand, a flurry of indecision running through him before standing up and hesitantly holding up a bottle of lube and a condom.
“Do you… I mean… do you want me to?”
Changkyun paled and blushed at the same time, hands knotting on his stomach. It was amazing.
“Do I want you to what?”
“Changkyun, don’t make this difficult. What do you want?” Kihyun huffed out, getting back on the bed and over Changkyun, ignoring his own flaming cheeks.
“Do you…” Changkyun winced, clearly embarrassed. “Do you have a preference?”
Kihyun shrugged, putting down the lube and condombending down to mouth lazily at Changkyun’s collarbone before saying, “Not really. It feels good both ways.”
“Oh,” Changkyun breathed. “Okay. I--”
Kihyun palmed at Changkyun’s erection through his sweatpants, effectively turning Changkyun’s words into a low groan.
“I’m new at this, Kihyun,” Changkyun managed, chest heaving and legs tensing up as Kihyun moved his kisses down to his chest.
“Hmm,” Kihyun hummed, slowly moving his hand up and down as his tongue flicked at Changkyun’s nipple. “Do you want me to stop?”
“God, no.”
Changkyun grabbed at his hips, gripping tightly, thumbing at Kihyun’s exposed hip bones and Kihyun quite abruptly decided he’d had quite enough of pants for now. His and Changkyun’s both. Kihyun tugged at the band of Changkyun’s sweatpants, dragging them down slightly before hesitating, looking up at Changkyun.
Changkyun, who looked wonderfully wrecked, chest heaving, red spots bright on his cheeks.
“Can I?”
All Changkyun seemed to be able to do was nod, and it was all the encouragement Kihyun needed to tug them down his legs, tugging his pants off completely, before lowering his head to kiss at Changkyun’s inner thigh. Changkyun whined, loud, the pitch high and wonderfully foreign to Kihyun’s ears, and Kihyun had to push down at Changkyun’s squirming legs.
“Mmm, probably shouldn’t leave a hickey where anyone can see, huh?”
Changkyun looked to be almost beyond words at this point, and Kihyun felt an incredible pull at his gut with just how gone the boy looked already . Changkyun was still in his underwear, a little patch of wet adorning the bulge there. Kihyun glanced at him again, before ducking down and lapping his tongue there, pressing it flat against the heat.
Changkyun cried out, hands fisting in the sheets of his bed and legs threatening to snap shut. Kihyun pushed down, laving the material with long strokes. Just for a moment, though. Kihyun was in absolutely no rush. He moved down Changkyun’s legs again, hands firm but gentle, kissing, kissing, before latching onto a little patch of skin on the inside of his thigh and sucking, pulling the skin between his teeth and nibbling lightly between sucks. He pulled back after a while and smiled. Yeah, that would do.
Kihyun moved to reposition himself and was, again, reminded of his own situation. He hooked his thumbs in his underwear, both his underwear and pants, preparing to pull down, before hesitating for a moment.
Kihyun pursed his lips, looking down at a panting Changkyun, before grabbing the bottle of lube, trying his hardest not to pay attention to how bright red his own cheeks were.
“Do you, um,” Kihyun cleared his throat, “do you want to help prep me?”
Changkyun blinked, eyes wide as he sat up on his elbows. Kihyun flushed even deeper, if that was even possible .
“It’s… it’s your first time, and I just thought--” Kihyun tried to swallow, mouth incredibly dry. “I just thought you might want to-- it’s fine if you don’t! I just--”
Changkyun nodded, almost too eagerly “I do! I do. Just… help me? I don’t wanna hurt you.”
Kihyun smiled slightly, nodding, shaking hand holding out the annoyingly bright coloured bottle. Changkyun took it, looking at him expectantly. “Okay, just, just warm up your hands first. Cold hands are…” Kihyun shuddered slightly. “Not nice.”
“Okay,” Changkyun said, rubbing his hands together and exhaling quickly onto them before opening the bottle as Kihyun suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious about pulling down his pants. He knew he needed to, realised that this entire scenario wasn’t going to play out all that well if he wasn’t naked, but, still. It was… vulnerable in a way Kihyun had almost forgotten about. Being open like that, nothing hidden… It wasn’t something Kihyun thought he would ever get used to.
“How, how much?” Changkyun asked, staring at the glob he had already squirted out onto his fingers.
“More is better than not enough,” Kihyun said, took a deep breath, remembered just how much he loved and trusted the boy currently boggled by lube of all things, and tugged, kicking at the bunched up material vehemently, taking a moment before looking down at Changkyun again. Changkyun, who, as seemingly shell-shocked and pink cheeked as he was, quickly closed the space between them, and Kihyun climbed into his lap, pressing soft kisses everywhere he could reach, hissing when his dick dragged against Changkyun’s stomach. Kihyun spread his legs, holding onto Changkyun and whining uninhibitedly when he felt Changkyun’s finger press experimentally against his entrance.
“Just, just make it wet first. Don’t, don’t press in yet,” Kihyun instructed, gasping against Changkyun’s hair, unable to keep his hips from bucking up against Changkyun’s stomach, looking for friction. “Slowly, okay?”
As if in reply, Changkyun kissed lazily at Kihyun’s exposed neck, finger teasing gently for a few more seconds, circling, circling, lingering almost too long, before he slowly started pressing in with the tip of his finger.
“Ah,” Kihyun gasped, pressing down slightly, gasping again as Changkyun pressed in even more, slowly working his finger in and out and deeper each time. “Okay, yes, slowly, baby, slowly, it’s been a while.”
The hand gripping at Kihyun’s hip tightened, just slightly, just enough for his nails to dig into Kihyun’s skin and a curious shiver to work its way down his spine.
Kihyun grinned.
“You like me calling you baby?”
Changkyun groaned against his neck, finger starting to prod experimentally. “Who’d’ve known.”
Kihyun tried to shrug, but at that moment Changkyun’s finger popped through the tight ring of muscle, and Kihyun all but sagged, boneless, against Changkyun, hands gripping at his shoulders to stay upright.
“W--well, I mean, you’re kinda-- kinda a baby, Changkyun.”
“And what, exactly,” Changkyun started, panting hot against Kihyun’s neck, pulling out his finger and Kihyun knew what to expect, knew they couldn’t stay at one finger forever, but, god . “Does that make you?”
“Whatever you want.”
Kihyun cried out as Changkyun pressed in, immediately stilling as Kihyun clung to him, fingers pressing into Changkyun back.
“Hyung,” Changkyun said, pulling back and staring at Kihyun with wide eyes. “Did I hurt you?”
Kihyun shook his head vehemently, one hand going back to grab at Changkyun’s hand, keeping it there, taking a deep breath before rocking down slightly. “No, no, it’s fine. It’s good, just. Like I said, just go slowly.”
Changkyun nodded, smoothing one hand up Kihyun’s side, and hell if Changkyun wasn’t a good listener. He pushed in and pulled out and Kihyun, although he could feel his gut pull and clench, felt himself relax, less tense, his shoulders dropping from their regular, tense, position. Kihyun breathed deeply and moved, only wincing lightly when Changkyun spread his fingers, peppering little kisses on his neck as if apologising.
“Oh, oh,” Kihyun gasped, “Oh, baby, it’s okay, I’m-- okay, yes.” Kihyun gripped at Changkyun’s back with one hand, other hand going up to knot into Changkyun’s hair. It was so much. It was so much . Changkyun, his beautiful, nerdy, stupid boy, was beneath him, pressing into him, pressing small kisses against his neck, and Kihyun all of sudden felt so full , so overcome , he could barely breathe.
“I-- I love you, Changkyun, baby, I love you.”
Kihyun felt Changkyun move, shift just slightly and then there was a hand cupping his cheek, guiding him gently. His forehead bumped lightly against something, and when Kihyun opened his eyes, Changkyun was right there, eyes shining and pink cheeks dimpled in a smile so beautiful he couldn’t believe it was for him.
“I love you, too,” Changkyun whispered, a mischievous edge to his voice, prompting so much affection from Kihyun he wouldn’t even dare to try and stop the smile on his face. Kihyun ducked in and kissed Changkyun softly, rocking his hips leisurely.
“Another one?”
Kihyun nodded, wincing only slightly when Changkyun slowly, slowly , pushed in another finger, thrusting lightly. After a few more minutes of Changkyun working Kihyun open, getting into a steady rhythm now and still peppering Kihyun’s neck with kisses, Kihyun reached back to stop his hand, pushing gently.
“Okay, it’s, I’m ready.”
Changkyun pulled back, nodding a little and pressing a kiss against his lips. “How--do you want to--should I lie down? I--” Changkyun coughed.
Kihyun smirked slightly, smoothing a hand down Changkyun’s chest, thumbing at a nipple just to see him gasp. “Well, taking off your underwear would be a great start.”
Changkyun glanced down. “Right. Right, okay.”
Changkyun moved his hands down to his underwear, paused, hands hesitating, and Kihyun sighed before pushing him gently down, Changkyun’s back bouncing slightly. “You take too long,” Kihyun grumbled, moving his own hands to Changkyun’s underwear and pulling them down, going slightly dry-mouthed at the proof of how worked up Changkyun was. Kihyun fumbled to get the condom he’d discarded somewhere on the bed, tearing open the packaging and smoothing it down the length of Changkyun’s dick. His hand lingered on Changkyun’s dick, and he looked up to see Changkyun leaning on his elbows, looking down at him with wide eyes and a heaving chest.
“Hey,” Kihyun said softly, clambering up to sit in Changkyun’s lap again, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. “You still okay? You still with me?”
“Yeah!” Changkyun nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, yeah, I am, I’m just,” Changkyun laughed nervously. “Overwhelmed. In a--a good way.”
Kihyun smiled, kissed his forehead, then reached behind him, grabbing a hold of Changkyun’s dick. He positioned himself, felt the poking blunt head, and, slowly, maintaining eye contact with Changkyun, sunk down, stopping every few inches to adjust.
“Ah, wow, okay,” Kihyun said, breathlessly, when finally he was pressed up against Changkyun, unused to that stretch, to that feeling of being just so full , and he moved, just slightly, against that deep press inside of him and whimpered. Changkyun’s hands, on either sides of his thighs, were digging into the soft flesh and when he opened his eyes, (somewhere in the middle of that Kihyun had apparently closed them) Changkyun was staring at the ceiling, back arched and breaths coming in short pants, mouth hanging open.
Kihyun laughed silently, gasping when the movement rocked him against Changkyun’s dick.
“You--you still with me? Changkyun? Baby? Baby, look at me?”
“Can’t,” Changkyun said, even as he dipped his chin and locked eyes with Kihyun, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. “Think I’ve died. Heaven, etc-- Fuck, ” Changkyun groaned, having moved in following Kihyun’s request with what amounted as a small thrust.
Kihyun gasped and pushed back, hands moving to find Changkyun’s, moving them to his hips.
“It’s-- I’m gonna take care of you, baby. Just, just keep looking at me, okay?” Changkyun nodded and Kihyun gasped, tentatively starting to move on top of Changkyun, relishing in the way the younger boy’s hands gripped tightly, impossibly tight, on his hips, (he would definitely have bruises there, not that he particularly minded) and the way he nodded almost desperately, an almost anguished look on his face as he locked his eyes on Kihyun. Kihyun was acutely aware that this was Changkyun’s first time, and--well, he’d already lasted longer than Kihyun had.
Kihyun braced his hands on Changkyun chest, lifting up once, twice, and then Changkyun was a blubbering mess underneath him, hands gripping tight . “Hyung, hyung, I--I can’t, I-- I’m gonna, I’m sorry I--”
“Shhh,” Kihyun said, circling his hips, “It’s okay, it’s okay, hey, Changkyun, baby, look at me.” Kihyun waited until Changkyun’s roving eyes found his, and then smiled. “It’s okay, I got you, I love you. You can let go.”
Kihyun moved once, twice more and Changkyun’s hands came up to grip at his arms, curling up into the older boy as he cried out, legs shaking and hips stilling against Kihyun, who slid his hands along Changkyun’s back as he arched up, holding him closer, whispering just how much Changkyun meant to him into his ear, holding him as the younger boy shook in his arms.
(Kihyun’s heart was so full, so heart-achingly full, that, if he was a weaker man, he might have started crying.)
Changkyun’s grip relaxed and he leaned back, red-faced and out of breath and eyes dangerously shiny and sat up again to Kihyun, deeply and gently, somehow, tilting Kihyun over, mouth moving down to his neck as he slipped himself out of Kihyun. He fumbled a little and somewhere in the back of Kihyun’s mind he really, really hoped Changkyun hadn’t just tried to throw a used condom across the room and into his dustbin.
Kihyun didn’t have more than a second to dwell on it, however, because Changkyun was very quickly kissing his way down Kihyun’s chest, stomach, and--
“ Oh my god, ” Kihyun gasped, one hand coming up to cover his face, the other latching onto Changkyun’s hair, gripping tightly. Changkyun hummed around Kihyun's dick, and, just as Kihyun managed to regain any sense of reality, Changkyun-- the little shit --thrust two fingers into Kihyun, crooked them, and sucked.
“Oh my go-- Changkyun,” Kihyun all but whined, hand gripping tightly in Changkyun’s hair, hips bucking up. “Oh, oh , please Changkyun, baby, please.”
Changkyun hummed again, moving his head up and down, hitting that spot inside Kihyun with every thrust, and, with a gasped, “Changkyun, I’m gonna--” Kihyun came, shoulders tensing up for a second, vision swimming, whining (loudly), before he fell, boneless, against the bedding, breathing heavily. “God, shit, Changkyun, did you--” He pushed himself up to look at Changkyun and immediately fell back in a fit of giggles.
“Nice warning there, hyung,” Changkyun grumbled before pinching Kihyun’s side. “Hey! Don’t laugh .”
“I--I’m sorry,” Kihyun giggled, lightheaded, dragging a hand across his own face. “I tried to warn you but…” He petered off into another series of giggles. Changkyun looked so done. How did he manage to look absolutely wrecked and done at the same time. God, Kihyun loved him so much.
Kihyun heard him open one of his drawers, and giggled again. He wanted to tease Changkyun about having tissues in his bedside table but hell, so did Kihyun, so did most every post-pubescent boy, and he did just have decidedly the best orgasm of his life, for sentimental reasons as well as just, well, facts, so he’d let it slide. Just this once.
Kihyun covered his face, rubbing at his cheeks.
Wow, okay, so that had just happened. Okay, that’s… something. By the time he opened his eyes again, Changkyun had gotten up from the bed, wiped his face clean, and pulled on a far-too-big t-shirt. He was looking around and caught Kihyun’s eye, blushing slightly as he pulled his shirt even further down his legs and waddled towards Kihyun.
Kihyun groaned. “What are you even-- I’m still naked , you idiot.”
“I know, it’s great,” Changkyun smiled widely, leaning over him from next to the bed. “I think you’re lying on my pants.”
Kihyun hoisted himself up on his arms, feeling slightly self-conscious now that they weren’t in the heat of things, pulling up his legs and crossing his arms as Changkyun pulled his pants out from under Kihyun. Changkyun paused, reaching out for Kihyun’s cheek. He didn’t say anything, just kept looking at him, and Kihyun sighed softly after a minute or two of this.
“You okay there?”
Changkyun nodded, swallowing but smiling. “Sorry. I don’t know any post coital customs.”
Kihyun shook his head, smiling slightly, pulling his legs up even higher. He was very aware of the fact that Changkyun was dressed, and he was sitting there in all his naked, slightly bony glory. “There’s no, there’s no customs, Changkyun. Though, we should probably both go shower before we go to meet my parents.”
Changkyun groaned. “I’d almost forgotten about that.”
Kihyun grinned, having now succeeded in pulling his legs up enough to wrap his arms around them. He shivered slightly. “Yeah, same.”
Changkyun sighed softly, arm smoothing down Kihyun’s back, lingering at the divots on his back. “I want to… I want to make our own custom where I just--look at you and kiss you and tell you I love you until you get tired of me.”
Kihyun hid a small smile in his arms. “Well, no one’s stopping you.”
“And no one ever will.” Changkyun scooched closer, and Kihyun felt himself nuzzle into the heat. He couldn’t stop smiling, and when he looked at Changkyun, he had the suspicion it was mutual. “No matter what, as long as you want me, I’ll always love you. Even when you baby me--”
“You like the baby thing--”
“Right, so, especially when you baby me.”
Kihyun smiled again. “Okay, come on, you dork. Let’s go shower.”
“Mmm, no I’ve only looked at you and told you I loved you,” Changkyun leaned in, nosing at Kihyun’s cheek. “This is a three tier custom and I need you to respect it despite its very short time in effect.”
Kihyun pecked a kiss on Changkyun’s nose. “That enough?”
Changkyun sighed dramatically. “Damn tutors, always catching you on technicalities.” Changkyun placed a loud kiss (paired with sound effects, of course) on Kihyun’s cheek before jumping up, pulling Kihyun with him, laughing when Kihyun squeaked, grabbing the duvet and wrapping it around himself before following Changkyun to the shower.
And, really, laughing in the shower and softly kissing Changkyun’s shoulder (just to make him squirm) while washing his back, wasn’t that bad. Kihyun could handle his parents. He could handle anything if he had Changkyun by his side.
---
Changkyun
Hey, dude, if you come home from Gunhee tonight, could you get some milk?
We’re out
Jooheon
learn to drink coffee black you coward
Changkyun
One, that’s disgusting, I would never do that to The Beans
And two, Kihyun needs milk to eat his morning cereal
Cos SOME PEOPLE have regular eating patterns, Jooheon
Jooheon
Some people are weird
He needs to reconcile himself to the fact that no one in college eats regularly
Get down to our level
Changkyun
Poverty is the new fad diet
Still
Milk
Buy that shit
Jooheon
Yeah yeah
How are things going by the way??
I assume my bed is nothing but a monument in that room, meaninglessly gathering dust
(Minhyuk told me he got you a care package LOL. Did Kihyun find that?)
Changkyun
I should ask Minhyuk for another one
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Jooheon
…
OH MY GOD
YAASSSSSSSS
YOU GET THAT DICK MY BOY
Changkyun
( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
I am!!! Just!!!
No more throwing MY VIRGIN ASS INTO A VOLCANO, BITCHES
I can’t stop smiling uwu
Jooheon
I’d say details
But I expect it was all really stupid
Like, soft shit and you guys not being able to do anything
Despite Kihyun’s “””reputation””” wink wink
You were probably just having a competition to see who could say ‘I love you’ most
(But it’s still SOOOO CUTE)
(I’m gonna tell Minhyuk)
Changkyun
...yeah okay that was pretty much it
FOR NOW
Still not sure who won that one tbh
...oh. Oh god who’s gonna tell Hyungwon
WHO’S GONNA TELL HYUNGWON
Jooheon
Ahahahaahahah not me
That’s on you
I like living
Changkyun
What if we just never tell him
Celibacy until I FUCKING DIE
YOU LIKE LIVING??? YOU?
I’m not sure if Hyungwon will just collapse like a dying star
Or if he’s going to chase after Kihyun with a stick
Jooheon
YEAH I LIKE LIVING
Gunhee gives great head I’ve told you this
Hyungwon just might be delusional enough to believe you being celibate for life
I mean, he thought you didn’t fucking masturbate
Me: He has tissues and lu--
Hyungwon: NOOOOO HE’S A CHILD
Changkyun
If people can, like, stop mentioning that thanks
The tissues are for all the… er...
Jooheon
Mmmmmmmmmm talk yourself out of that one, bro, lemme hear it
Changkyun
ANYWAY
I have to stop talking in a bit but
Bro
Just wanna take a mo’
And say that I’m really, really fuckin happy right now
And I really, really want all of us to just get together like last time
I know you guys had a protection squad in my honour okay
So I just want Kihyun to. Idk be as welcome as Wonho is by now
Jooheon
You’re such a sap
(it was fun and necessary okay)
Yeah, we should organise something
Also, for science, and because I want a valid excuse if Hyungwon asks
(And I’m morbidly curious)
Who’s walking funny atm
Changkyun
…
…
Really
Jooheon
M’dude
I told you when Gunhee was complaining about how hard the chair was and what that shit was really about
Come on
Changkyun
…
He is
atm
For now
etc
I’M BLUSHING AND HE’S LOOKING AT ME WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY
Oh wait we’re dating I can blush now nice
Jooheon
NICE
I’m so proud of my boy
No longer a blushing virgin
Now just blushing
Changkyun
<.<
So when are you moving in with Gunhee
>.>
Jooheon
Are you serious right now
Changkyun
>.>
Boy
This can of worms has barely opened
Okay shit we’re here wish me luck
Jooheon
Wish you luck? For what?
For what, Changkyun?
...This shit again
---
Kihyun was feeling nauseous. He, honest to god, felt like he was going to throw up. He wasn’t even inside his house yet, and he felt like he was spinning, like he was in that small room again with his father, screaming at him that he didn’t want Kihyun to be a part of the family.
Kihyun swallowed, dryly, turning to face Changkyun.
“Okay, I’ve thought about this, and I don’t-- I don’t wanna do it anymore. Let’s just, let’s just go home. I’ll make dinner.”
“As nice as that sounds,” Changkyun said, smiling sympathetically, hand coming up to curl comfortingly around Kihyun’s shoulder. “We’ve already stressed ourselves out, it can’t be for nothing.”
Kihyun shook his head. “Yeah, but, like, no. It can be. It really can be. I regularly stress myself out about nothing. It is entirely possible.”
Changkyun laughed, shaking his head and squeezing Kihyun’s arm. “Fair. Listen, I’m not going to force you, Kihyunnie. I’ve… done this before but it wasn’t my parents. But I really think you should. Maybe yell a little, get it out of your system.”
Kihyun choked out a slightly hysterical laugh. “Yell, yell at my parents? At my father?”
“What do you have to lose?”
Kihyun opened his mouth, ready to expound on the myriad of things he had to lose and then… he paused. Well, he didn’t really, he didn’t really have anything to lose, right? He had been prepared to drop out of college, but then got a scholarship. He had Changkyun, he had friends, a place to sleep…
The only thing he had to lose was… nothing, really. He, well, he might as well.
“I don’t… know?”
Changkyun’s hand stilled, lips pursing slightly. “Just… talk to them. Say as much as you can. Be you and say the things you mean and if that isn’t good enough for them, then, yes, yell a bit, because you’re allowed to or, hell, just because you can.”
Kihyun grinned through the nausea, pulling Changkyun closer to kiss him on the forehead. “Because fuck ‘em, right?”
“Exactly,” Changkyun laughed softly. “Do you… want me to come with? I’m not sure if you’ve changed your mind about that.”
“Yeah, I want you to. I don’t think I could stand my ground on my own.”
“Stand my ground. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”
“It doesn’t help if you sound uncertain about it,” Kihyun said, hitting Changkyun’s arm lightly.
“I’m not! I’m--” Changkyun tugged at his hoodie indignantly. “Giving myself a prep talk. Come on.” Changkyun opened the car door, kicking it a little as if to show dominance. “Let’s kick some conservative Korean ass with our logical argument and the pure power of love.”
Kihyun shook his head, getting out of the car and immediately going over to squeeze Changkyun’s hand in his, shoulders tensing up. “You’re ridiculous.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what we need. Or not at all,” Changkyun conceded, walking forward despite his words, and Kihyun was glad, his legs having turned to lead.
They came to a stop in front of the door, and, just before he lifted his hand to knock, Kihyun shook his head again. “I cannot believe I’m knocking at the door of my own house.”
“Your home isn’t here. Your home is messy and out of milk.” Changkyun gave him a little push with his shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah it is.”
Kihyun stepped forward, took a deep breath, and knocked. He stepped back again, taking Changkyun’s hand in his (which the younger boy squeezed tightly), and taking a deep breath. Okay, he could do this. He could do this. He could definitely --
The door opened, and Kihyun’s father appeared, eyes immediately zeroing in on Kihyun and Changkyun’s linked hands, a frown appearing on his forehead. Kihyun resisted the embedded urge to drop Changkyun’s hand, to wipe his hand on his jacket afterwards, as if it was a dirty thing to be holding another boy’s hand. (He resisted it, but it also hurt, because he could so easily see a reality where he did do that.)
“Father,” Kihyun said, nodding his head, begging Changkyun silently not to let go.
“Sir,” Changkyun said, bowing his head slightly.
Kihyun’s father pursed his lips, before standing back and opening the door wider. “Your mother is waiting in the sitting room.”
They took a step forward and Kihyun’s hand pulled behind him. He turned to see his father with his hand on Changkyun’s shoulder, falling quickly after stopping him in his tracks, and Kihyun’s blood ran cold.
“I want to talk to my son.”
“Father, I don’t--”
“He wanted me to be here,” Changkyun said, voice quiet but firm, and Kihyun could see it, see the way his father bristled silently.
“I’m sure he did, but this is not a conversation I’m interested in having a bystander in.”
Changkyun kept his eyes on Kihyun’s father, before looking past him at Kihyun. Kihyun didn’t know what Changkyun was seeing in his eyes, didn’t know if he could see the almost frantic fright blossoming in Kihyun’s chest, but Changkyun nodded slightly at him, before turning to Kihyun’s father.
“He wanted me here, so I’m staying. I left him once when I didn’t want to, I’m never doing that again.”
Kihyun held out his hand again, and, without looking at Kihyun’s father, Changkyun pushed past and slotted his hand with Kihyun’s. Kihyun’s squeezed his hand tightly again, forcing his leaden legs to walk towards the sitting room, where they found his mother sitting unnaturally upright in an armchair, tea things set out before her.
“Hi, dear,” she said with a tense smile.
“Hi, Mom. Tea? Really?” Kihyun said, trying for a grin.
“It’s soothing,” she said, the way she always did when insisting Kihyun should drink some tea when he said he’s stressed. She glanced at Changkyun, at their linked hands, at Kihyun’s father coming up behind them and walking past to sit where he always sat.
Kihyun took a deep breath, insisting to his stomach, that, no, it didn’t want to spill all of its contents right at this very second, and pulled Changkyun down beside him on couch, effectively making them face both of his parents.
After a few tense seconds, Kihyun’s mother perked up, sitting forward, “Do you want te--”
“You said you wanted to talk, Kihyun?” his father interjected, arms crossed.
His mother quietly sat back and Kihyun swallowed back bile and tried to find his voice.
“I wanted to-- I mean, I talked to both Mom and, and Father separately-- and then stuff happened and--”
Kihyun’s father scoffed, leaning forward.
“Are we doing this again? Kihyun, we already had this conversation, you made your choice, I don’t see why--”
“No.” Kihyun looked up to his mother, fidgeting with her hands in her lap but looking at his father. “You gave him an ultimatum.”
“Dear, don’t--”
“No,” Kihyun’s mother insisted, hands tangling, “Let the boy speak.”
Kihyun looked at his mother, nodded, and looked at his father again.
“Okay, yes, I made my choice. But, okay, first, yeah, I wanted to say, I got a scholarship. For photography. Somebody, some company decided they like my stuff enough to pay for me to go to college. So, there’s that.”
“Oh, honey, that’s wonderful, I’m so happy for you,” his mother enthused, leaning forward, a bright smile on her face.
“Thanks, mom.” Kihyun took a deep breath. He was okay. His mom was here, Changkyun was here, holding his hand. He could do this. “Also, I, I need you to hear this, and accept this, because it’s true, and it’s what it is, and I’m not, I can’t-- I don’t want to change, okay?” With this, Kihyun looked up at his father, feeling a strange type of bravado boil up in him. “I don’t want to change, I’m not going to change. I am gay. I like guys. I am dating Changkyun. I am happy.”
His father scoffed. Kihyun detested the sound, hated the way it always made him feel smaller, made the small seed of bravado in his chest curl up and die.
“See?” his father directed at his mother. “I told you, he chose this. Despite all our efforts for him to be normal, he wants to be different, to shock us. I don’t know where we went wrong with him.”
Kihyun could feel how he was shaking under the weight of his father’s words, and while he knew that everything around him was exactly the same, the couch he was sitting on, the walls around him, (Changkyun’s hand in his), he felt paper thin, felt like if he breathed too hard or blinked too hard or, or let himself cry he would just disintegrate, crumble like a dried leaf and--
“There’s nothing wrong with him,” Changkyun said, voice tight, from next to Kihyun, and Kihyun was suddenly reminded of the fact that he’d never seen Changkyun angry before.
“Changkyun…” Kihyun trailed off, not knowing what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do, only knowing that he felt like he would break at the slightest touch, the slightest hard word.
“Like you would know, boy,” Kihyun’s father sneered. “Listen, I know you both think you’re some kind of special shit, but you need to grow up and realise that being different and weird isn’t that--” Kihyun’s father shook his head. “I knew I gave you too much freedom as a kid, allowing you to read whatever you like, buying you that camera.”
“You,” Kihyun said, despite his shaking voice. “You gave my brother the same freedom. The difference is that he’s--he’s not different. He has a wife and kids and everything you ever wanted for him. And, and just because I’m not-- just because I don’t want that, I’m suddenly bad? I’m suddenly a mistake?”
“You got ideas , Kihyun, these perverted little ideas all the way since high school--you know that’s all it is or you wouldn’t look so guilty, wouldn’t make such a big deal. You got ideas because you got involved with these--” Kihyun’s father sneered. “People. I even let you bring them into my home, and look where it got you.”
Kihyun, throat tight and choked up, blinking furiously, trying his utmost best not to cry, at least not in front of Changkyun, sucked in a short, tight breath.
“Where it got me? I didn’t-- There’s no ideas I got, no way they changed me.” Kihyun blindly reached sideways, landing on Changkyun’s leg and holding tight. “The most they did was stop making me feel so ashamed, so wrong, for feeling the way I felt. For feeling that there really was something wrong with me, that I must be a mistake.” Kihyun could feel the sob building in his chest, could feel it gaining momentum with the scornful glance his father was sending his way and the way his mother was clasping her hands, mouth down-turned.
Kihyun turned his head away, coming perilously close to sticking his head into Changkyun’s shoulder. This was too much. He couldn’t do this. This-- this was too much .
Changkyun’s hand squeezed at his shoulder, the other finding Kihyun’s own. “We came here because he loves you,” Changkyun said, voice shaking, hand clenching and unclenching. “To try and make you understand and you--God, you treat someone you love like this? My mother would kill the person who said this to me, never mind be the one saying it.”
Kihyun looked up to see his father glaring at Changkyun.
“Well, then I pity your mother, to have a son like you.”
Kihyun could feel Changkyun tense beside him, could feel the way his shaking stilled, but before Changkyun could say anything, he made himself get up, facing his father.
“Take that back. You don’t-- you don’t get to say that. Not to him.” He was shaking, and breathing too fast, almost hyperventilating, but there was a hot, hot spark of anger burning within him, too hot to care about what might happen to him.
“Kihyun, I don’t care, this isn’t about me--”
“Shut up, I care.” Changkyun’s mouth shut with an almost audible snap, and, ignoring his father, Kihyun turned to his mother, who had been watching the scene unfold with wide, fearful eyes. “Mother, you--you told me that you just want me to be happy. That, even if you didn’t understand why I was doing what I was doing, you would still support me, because you wanted to see me happy. Has that changed?"
“Now, listen here, leave your mother out of this--”
“Yes, yes, I did say that,” came Kihyun’s mother’s voice as she sat up straight, giving Kihyun a nod without looking at him.
“Did you mean it?”
His mother’s eyes softened, and she smiled slightly. “Of course, my boy, of course.”
Kihyun took a deep breath, smiled at her, then turned to face his father again. He could do this.
“I am gay. This is my boyfriend. I am not going to study computer science, but photography. This is not a phase, and not because of how you raised me either, and although I’m sure you made lots of mistakes raising me, this wasn’t one of them. I’m not trying to be different, or weird. I’m just, for the first time in my life, trying to be me, without feeling ashamed of who I am.”
Kihyun’s father watched him with unreadable eyes before sighing down at the ground. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he spoke again.
“I just think that you’re too young, Kihyun. You don’t know these things--”
“My brother got married to a woman when he was twenty two, I’m twenty four. Wasn’t he too young to know what gender he liked? What he wanted?”
Kihyun’s father’s jaw tensed, fixing his son with a steely look. “She got pregnant. It was the right thing to do. You know how I feel about pre-marital sex.”
Kihyun grinned, something wild inside him spurring him on.
“Oh yeah, cause they had sex, so he must know. Well, good fucking news,” Kihyun turned his grin on Changkyun, who was watching him with wide eyes, an incredulous grin playing around his mouth. “You just got a son in law.”
“Oh, my god,” Changkyun laughed, a short, high pitched little sound he quickly hid behind his hand. Kihyun turned back to see his mother balking at the two of them, and his father having turned a very curious shade of red.
At that moment, Jeongyeon poked her head around the corner, an impish grin on her face.
“Aw, look at that, my little brother got laid.”
Kihyun sighed. “I am older than you .”
“This is not how I thought anything was gonna go,” Changkyun mumbled to himself, red and avoiding all eye contact.
“Jeongyeon!” Kihyun’s mother exclaimed, gaping at the girl in the threshold of the living room. “How long have you been there?”
“The whole time, fam.”
Jeongyeon sauntered into the living room, seemingly without a care in the world, although Kihyun did notice that she kept close to his side of the room.
“As long as we’re all making confessions,” Jeongyeon murmured, clasping her hands in front of her, looking the slightest bit nervous for the first time, “And because I don’t want Kihyunnie to upstage me…” She took a deep breath. “I, also, am not straight. As in, all those sleepovers Tzuyu and I have been having… Well, we did sleep. Some.” Jeongyeon blushed.
(A sight Kihyun hadn’t known he would ever see.)
“This is absolutely ridiculous,” Kihyun’s father sighed, getting up while Kihyun’s mother was still gaping at the lot of them, red-faced and hands curled into fists. “Why do I only have one normal child?”
Kihyun clenched his teeth. He didn’t know what else he could say, what else he could argue with. He’d, he’d tried his best. What else could he say?
“Normal is relative,” Jeongyeon smiled. “Just cos Kihyunnie’s gay doesn’t mean he’s suddenly all exciting.”
“Excuse you I’m plenty exciting--”
“Sure, Kihyunnie. At least Changkyunnie loves you. Grandpa aesthetic and all.”
“Enough,” Kihyun’s father grit out, everyone turning to look at him. “I have had enough of this. Kihyun, get out, and take your… friend, with you. Jeongyeon just--just go to your room. Please.”
With those words, Kihyun’s father walked out of the room.
Kihyun opened his mouth to protest, but Jeongyeon leaned in close to him, whispering, “It's okay, I can handle him. I've always been tougher than you, Kihyunnie,” and Kihyun leaned back, looking at his mother with worried eyes.
His mother, sighed, rubbing her neck. “It’s fine, Kihyun. We’ll handle your father.” His mother turned to address Jeongyeon. “If you want to go to your… friend for a few days while your father calms down, I wouldn’t stop you.”
“I…” Jeongyeon started, breathing a steady breath. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’m more fight than flight, really, but.” Jeongyeon chewed on her bottom lip, glancing up at her mother. “You’re… You’re okay? With this. With me?”
Their mother smiled ruefully, eyes resting on each of them briefly, softly. “It would be slightly hypocritical of me to accept one and not the other, I suppose.” She sighed again, before getting up and pulling them both into a hug. “You’re my children. I don’t understand you, always, but I love you. And I’m done trying to police what happiness looks like for either of you.”
Kihyun felt his mother lift her head to look behind him (his heart was still racing, still beating entirely the wrong rhythm, he had just confessed to having sex in front of his parents , after all), and, then, his mother’s voice.
“Changkyun. I expect you to take care of my Kihyunnie. He’s more delicate than he seems, and he needs someone to look after him, no matter how much he may deny it.”
“Mom , I’m not--”
“I know,” Changkyun said, voice small and a sniffle colouring the end of his sentence. “I-I will. I’d never do anything to hurt him, I promise.”
“I’m not delicate,” Kihyun grumbled, holding his mother tight, burying his face in her neck, feeling Jeongyeon’s shoulders shake silently beside him. In tears or laughter, he didn’t know, although he wouldn’t put either past her. She pulled away, nodding tightly.
“Right. Where are you staying, dear?”
Kihyun blinked. “Uhm,” Kihyun blinked back at Changkyun. “I’m… staying at Changkyun’s dorm…”
“My roommate’s never there so,” Changkyun shrugged, shy.
Kihyun’s mother rolled her eyes fondly. “Of course. Just make sure to actually talk to your university about housing and not just squat there. Okay? You can come get your things when you have time, your father won’t make too much of a fuss.”
Kihyun nodded, swallowing against the sudden knot in his throat. It’s not that he actually expected to ever live in his home again, not really. But there had been a small, little boy part of him that had wished, desperately and childishly, that his mother would open her arms and welcome him home, tell him that he’s always free to stay, even if he didn’t want to.
It’s not like he wanted to live there, but he would’ve liked to at least have the option.
She put her hand on his arm, stroking lightly, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Come around for dinner every now and then. Bring Changkyun. We’ll… ease him into it.”
“Jeongyeon…?” Kihyun questioned, looking at his sister standing next to him, twisting her hands in front of her.
“Mmm? Me?” Jeongyeon looked up at him like she’d only just noticed him standing there, blinking and smiling in that way Kihyun could easily recognise from when she hadn’t studied enough and their parents asked about it. All, ‘oh, me? Little innocent me? When have I ever done something wrong ever in my life?’
Kihyun sighed. “Yes, you. I mean, I have Changkyun. Are you gonna… stay here?”
“Oh. Yeah? Yeah, I think I am.’
Kihyun bit his lip, looking at the door his father disappeared out of. He reached back to take Changkyun’s hand, needing that reassurance. “Are you sure? I mean… father’s kinda… yeah.”
“Always has been, bro. I’m still me, I’m not going to be running around the house with a pride flag or anything, but... I’m still in school, Ki. Grin and bear it is pretty much all I got.”
Kihyun shrugged. “Still… Mom, don’t, don’t let father-- Mom, he fu-- he messed me up a lot. Don’t let-- yeah.”
Jeongyeon scoffed out a “I’m fine ” just as his mother nodded a “Of course.”
Changkyun squeezed his hand. “You should get some clothes while you’re here.”
Kihyun looked down at the shirt he was wearing--Changkyun’s, for that matter--and nodded. He took a deep breath and smiled at his mother. “Thank you. I’ll keep you updated?”
“Please do. And I better get an invite to all your galleries, okay?”
“Of course, mom,” Kihyun said, somewhere between wanting to laugh and cry. “You’re always welcome.”
“You too, dear,” she sighed, before giving her son a solid pat on the back. “Go pack. I need to talk to your sister for a moment.”
“What? No, I didn’t agree to that--”
Kihyun grinned, walking backwards to his room and dragging Changkyun along with him. “Have fun.”
“You ass.”
“Language, dear.”
“Sorry, mom.”
---
Wonho
:)
Hyungwon
No
Wonho
:)))
Hyungwon
N o
Wonho
:(((
Hyungwon
Goddammit
Wonho
He’s going to be around all the time
Just bite the bullet
Do it
Jooooin uuuuus
Hyungwon
I don’t LIKE him
I don’t see why I have to
Wonho
You spent time with him before :(((
You bought him tea
He told me you bought him tea
Don’t be like thiiiis :((((
Hyungwon
I was younger then
Stupider
I didn’t know what I was doing
Wonho
He’s my best friend :(((
Hyungwon
Have you considered
Getting a new one
Maybe the factory gives refunds
Wonho
The warranty only lasted a few years
Oh pleeeeease
He's essentially your brother in law
You have no choice anymore ehehehe
Hyungwon
Changkyun could come to his senses any day now
He’s still young and innocent
He still has time
Wonho
I think spending so many days in his uninterrupted company would have knocked Changkyun to his senses by now
But Alas
I know I have a best friend
Sighs
Out there
Somewhere
Maybe one day I will see him again
Hyungwon
What do they even do all the time
Like, how many movies can you even watch?
Wonho
About as many as we watch
>.>
Hyungwon
NO
No
They didn’t
Changkyun would’ve
No
But, no
He’s still a baby innocent virgin
Wonho
He’s a twenty two year old boy in a relationship
Hyungwon
Hyungwon, please
That sexual tension between them had to go SOMEWHERE
Hyungwon
What fucking sexual tension
He’s a BABY
He doesn’t
No
Wonho
Hyungwon
What are you trying to say
When did you take this fucking picture
Wonho
Have you ASKED Changkyun??
Asking for a friend
(Last week. You’re not very observant. It’s adorable)
Hyungwon
(I’m not adorable. Ugh, my hair wasn’t even combed there WHY)
…
No
I don’t need to
I know him
He wouldn’t
Wonho
Okay okay okay I’ll stop
Just ask yourself
How I know about it
And agree to come to the get together
Hyungwon
...you’re guessing
No
He wouldn’t
Not my little Changkyun no
---
Hyungwon
Changkyun
Did
I don’t
Sex
Changkyun
…
When a boy and another boy love each other
Hyungwon
You fucker I know what it is
I just
You?
NO
right?
Changkyun
:3
Hyungwon
No
Changkyun
Yes
Hyungwon
No
Changkyun
Yeees
Hyungwon
No
Changkyun
Twice
Hyungwon
NO
---
Wonho
You asked him didn’t you
Hyungwon
I’m actually not okay rn WHY
I knew him when he ATE HIS BOOGERS WONHO
He shouldn’t be doing anything
Wonho
I know you’re mourning
It’s okay
I knew Kihyun when he was shorter than he is now, believe it or not
Hyungwon
How am I going to look at Kihyun without wanting to punch him?
Wonho
Think about the time yoU ACTUALLY DID PUNCH HIM
ffs
Wait so him being my pseudo-ex is fine but him being in a loving relationship with your dongsaeng isn’t
Hyungwon
I mean
At least I know he knows what he’s doing
I can’t believe I just typed that
I hate myself
I need a Disney movie marathon
Wonho
Moana and Big Hero 6?
Hyungwon
And Beauty and the Beast
Wonho
Only if I can call you Belle~
Hyungwon
You’re so cheesy
Okay
Wonho
Yay~! I’ll bring popcorn.
And convince you to join us tomorrow night :3
:333
:333333
Hyungwon
...
Wonho
pls
You BARELY have to talk to Kihyun
Only if there’s, like, a bus about to hit him
And you’re the only person close enough so that he’d hear you and survive
How’s that
Hyungwon
I still might not say anything
Wonho
Changkyun will cry
Do you want that?
Changkyun’s sad, sad tears
Is that what you want?
Hyungwon
Stop guilt-tripping me
Blegh
Fine
I guess
Wonho
:3 See you soon
I’ll bring extra just in case
Hyungwon
Extra what
Extra what, Wonho
Oh my god
---
“Here you go, beautiful boyfriend of mine,” Changkyun said with all the cheer of a kid at Christmas, deftly placing Kihyun’s tea in front of him. It read ‘Hamster’ in hastily scrawled barista marker.
Kihyun sighed, rubbing a hand across his face, but Changkyun could see the smile peeking out. “I’m not-- why hamster? ”
Changkyun poked Kihyun’s cheek, grinning as it dimpled under his finger, before sitting down, huddled in next to Kihyun at a table for eight. “Hamsters are cute. You’re cute. Impto facto, etcetera, yadda yadda.”
“If I’m anything,” Kihyun grumbled, wrapping his hands around his tea to warm them up, “I’m a shark.” He bared his teeth at Changkyun, grinning when Changkyun laughed loudly. “Wow. Couldn’t even keep a straight face for two seconds, huh.”
“It’s funny. Why a shark?”
Kihyun grinned, pulling at the neckline of Changkyun’s shirt to reveal a dark bruise on his collarbone. “Sharks bite.”
Yeah, no way in hell Changkyun was ever going to get used to this .
“It--It was more a of a nibble, really,” Changkyun said, feeling his resolve quickly crumble. He let his eyes trail off of Kihyun and coughed lightly, cheeks hot.
“This shirt is two sizes too big for you,” Kihyun sighed, pulling up Changkyun’s neckline only for it to fall right down again. Kihyun tugged and pulled at Changkyun’s shirt to try and get it to fall in a way that wouldn’t have the hickey in plain sight for the whole damn world. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”
Changkyun shrugged. “No. Maybe. You can’t prove anything.”
“Yep. Hyungwon’s gonna punch me again.”
Changkyun laughed. “No. I told him, I’m sure he’s fine.”
Kihyun spluttered, coughing slightly. “You told him? Changkyun, I thought you wanted me to live? I thought you loved me. What the fuck.”
Changkyun took a long sip of his coffee. “Damn, here I thought I was the dramatic one.”
“I’m not being dramatic. Changkyun, he will kill me.”
“You’re stronger. He’ll snap like a twig. Fight back and aim for the knees.”
Kihyun shook his head and sipped his tea, still looking slightly wide-eyed. “When are they all arriving anyway?”
“When the mood strikes them,” Changkyun gestured widely at nothing in particular. “When the winds are fair and the stars align. Any second now, really.”
“You know, I have to go get my new books before the store closes, so this can’t take too long and--”
“Shh,” Changkyun said with a peck at Kihyun’s cheek. “Look at the door.”
“BABIES!”
Changkyun laughed as Kihyun slowly let his forehead fall onto the table, Minhyuk waltzing his way to their table, a small fluffy ball in his hands. Changkyun squealed and shook at Kihyun’s arm. “The kitten! Kihyun, the class kitten, look!”
Said kitten meowed softly in Minhyuk’s hands, Shownu following behind him, Changkyun spotting Gunhee and Jooheon at the counter. Kihyun’s head shot up in sudden interest, eyes immediately softening at the sight of the Minhyuk’s hands almost completely enveloping the kitten.
“Give,” Kihyun demanded, reaching out his hand, cooing when Minhyuk deposited the kitten in his hands.
“I’m so soft,” Changkyun deadpanned, looking over at Shownu. “I could not be more soft.”
Shownu reached out for a pat at Changkyun’s shoulder. “Hang in there, kiddo.”
“Where’s Hyungwon?” Minhyuk asked, turning away from the display case of cake, after having placed an order for about three of them. (“To share,” he had protested when Shownu had lifted an eyebrow at him.)
Changkyun shrugged, struggling to keep his eyes off Kihyun rubbing a cat against his face. “Wonho said they’d be coming. Now wondering if I should have asked for details.”
“Mm, but that’s my job,” Minhyuk grinned, giving Changkyun a once over, his eyes catching near Changkyun’s collar. “I see you’re content giving Hyungwon a heart attack. Nice.”
“Dear God, is that a hickey?” Jooheon asked, eyes not leaving Changkyun as he sat down, coffee in hand. “What did he do to you?”
“Nothing," Kihyun insisted. "I did nothing. Go away.”
Gunhee gave a low whistle, plopping down next to Jooheon. “Damn, if that’s nothing, I have to wonder what something looks like.”
Changkyun grinned, handing come to rest on the back of Kihyun’s neck. “Something, is walking into my room to see Jooheon shirtless and between Gunhee’s legs. You still owe me for the therapy, Jooheon. Lock the damn door.”
Gunhee smiled blissfully, starting to say something, before getting cut off with an elbow to the stomach from an impressively red Jooheon.
“Changkyun.”
“Is that Hyungwon?”
The six of them turned their eyes and chairs towards the window, eyes immediately drawn to Hyungwon’s skinny figure, arms straining around a pole as Wonho tugged at his jacket.
“Wow.”
“There is no way Wonho is using his full strength.”
Changkyun hummed, bringing his coffee up to take a sip. “You’d be surprised. Hyungwon is deceptively strong.”
“Goodie.”
Everyone turned their gazes again, this time to Kihyun, who shrunk down in his chair, holding the kitten closer.
“What?” Kihyun shifted. “He hates me. Good to know he could kill me if he wanted.”
“He doesn’t hate you--”
“Yes, I do. Stop telling me how I feel,” came Hyungwon’s grumbly voice from the door, an impressive looking pout on his face.
“I mean, he did punch him.”
“Yeah, he did do that.”
“Hey, guys!” Wonho grinned widely from next to Hyungwon, like sunlight through storm clouds compared to Hyungwon’s grouchy ass. “I’m gonna get stuff. Do you want something?”
“Yeah, to go home,” Hyungwon grumbled.
“Lovely, honey tea it is.”
Changkyun quickly glanced between Hyungwon and Kihyun. This was gonna be okay, right? There was no reason for Hyungwon to hate Kihyun anymore, not really--
“What is that?”
Changkyun’s blood froze as his hand quickly shot up to pull up at his neckline.
“I walked into a door?” Changkyun’s hand flexed on his neck. “I walked into a door… really hard. And only on that specific spot. Yup.”
“You know, ‘a door’ isn’t the best pet name,” Minhyuk mused.
“My ‘door-ling’?”
“Gunhee, no.”
Hyungwon kept looking at Changkyun though, like a computer stuck buffering, blinking, shaking his head slightly.
“Changkyun. No. Why.” Hyungwon’s eyes darted over to Kihyun. “What. Him? Why.”
Changkyun took a second to process the question. “Because he’s my boyfriend?”
Wonho shook his head and pat Hyungwon on the shoulder. “Don’t say that too loud, Changkyun. The poor boy is still getting used to the idea.”
Hyungwon narrowed his eyes at Kihyun, before sitting down next to Changkyun and aggressively pulling his shirt up over the hickey.
“At least keep it covered,” he grumbled.
“Don’t kinkshame the boy,” Shownu laughed. “He’s new at this. He can wear his hickeys with pride.”
“Can we please stop talking about the hickeys,” Kihyun grumbled, Changkyun quickly looking over to see Kihyun’s ears redden, face buried in the soft fur of the kitten in his hands.
“Hickeys?” Jooheon squeaked. “Hickeys, plural?!”
Changkyun shrugged, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Well, you know. I had to get him back.”
“Kyun!” Kihyun exclaimed, red-faced, swatting at Changkyun’s arm. Changkyun, who laughed and grabbed Kihyun’s hand before he could go in for another.
“This is sickeningly cute. No, guys, I’m serious, I’m actually gonna be sick,” Gunhee said, leaning on Jooheon and staring at Changkyun and Kihyun.
Kihyun opened his mouth--surely, Changkyun suspected, to disagree--so Changkyun cut him off with a quick kiss before leaning back in his chair.
“You can’t keep doing that to shut me up, you know,” Kihyun grumbled.
“I’ll keep doing it until it stops working,” Changkyun said, sticking his tongue out and looking around and--yep, everyone was staring at them. Changkyun felt himself blush, and it was… nice. He remembered always feeling mildly out with all his friends being stupidly in love (recently, that included Hyungwon, which was pleasantly odd and it never ceased to surprise Changkyun when Hyungwon looked soft) and now… Well. Now that was him, too.
Now he, too, had a soft, silly, gorgeous boyfriend. Someone he loved and that, he’s finally starting to accept, loved him. It was… surreal. And fantastic. (And slightly scary, but in a good way, like when you go on a rollercoaster and are mostly terrified you’re going to fall but also exhilarated, because it all feels like falling, anyway.)
At that moment, the kitten sneezed, and Kihyun pulled away with a grimace, wiping at his face with his one arm and handing the kitten back to Minhyuk with his other. “That’s… sanitary.”
“A keeper, this one,” Minhyuk teased, throwing a napkin over at Kihyun. Changkyun laughed, feeling Hyungwon shift next to him, and when he looked, the older looked far more deflated than he had been coming into the cafe. Changkyun leaned over as Kihyun busied himself with his napkin and then his phone, speaking lowly to his oldest friend.
“Do you really hate him?”
Hyungwon sighed down at his hands, shrugging lightly. “I don’t… hate him, I suppose. I just, don’t trust him. I don’t like him.”
Changkyun frowned softly. “Even before he met me? You knew him before I did. Did you not like him then, too?”
“I… no, I suppose. But, Changkyun, he hurt you so much. He was such a little shit. I just, I don’t understand why, or how, you could forgive him so quickly. I don’t know why I should.”
Changkyun was fully aware that Kihyun had stopped scrolling on his phone, fingers hovering above the keyboard, that his shoulders were tenser (if that was even possible) than usual, that he was probably hearing all of this. Changkyun sighed softly.
“It’s… not all his fault. You don’t have to forgive him if you don’t want to, I guess, but I love him. I really, really do. It’s not an explanation or justification, it’s just… a fact I want to be in your knowledge.”
Hyungwon pursed his lips. “I guess I just don’t, well, I don’t really get why you love him. If Wonho had done something like that to me …” He trailed off, eyes wide.
Changkyun had to chuckle. Just a little. “Are you imagining it? I assume it takes you longer to forgive him. I’m a sucker like that.”
“Changkyun,” Hyungwon began, slowly, turning fully towards Changkyun now, ignoring the general buzz of their friends. “Changkyun, the thing is, when I think of that, I don’t-- I don’t know if I could have forgiven him. I don’t see how there’s any, well, justification for what he’s done. Sure, there’re reasons, but they don’t make up for the behaviour. I guess I just, don’t get it.” Hyungwon lifted up his hands, as if to stop Changkyun from saying anything. “Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely glad you are happy and not crying every day anymore. I’m just, I’m wary, more than anything else.”
Changkyun chewed on his bottom lip before speaking. “Won, he pushed me away after I kissed him and I came to my own conclusions without talking to him or knowing his reasons to… knowing how that might have affected him. I dug myself into a hole and, yeah, he may have given me a hell of a push into that direction, but…” Changkyun sighed. “It’s fine, now. I trust him, I love him, all I’m asking is that you try… I guess.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah,” Changkyun exhaled, nodding, looking out over his crowd of rowdy friends, hand finding Kihyun’s, and smiling softly. “Yeah, you are.”
---
It was Kihyun’s first class of the semester, first class of the year, first class of doing what he actually wanted to do. He had his books in his bag (probably more than he needed the first day, he probably didn’t have to bring all three of their prescribed books and the textbook and three exam pads, but he was excited . He was excited, and he couldn’t wait for the class to start.
The students around him were all so, painfully, young, and Kihyun would have felt embarrassed about being one of the older students there, if it weren’t for the fact that, from where he was sitting, he could easily spot at least two people obviously older than him in the class. This was fine.
He got out his books, arranging them on his desk, smiling when he pulled out a slightly battered copy of Shakespeare’s Sonnets, thumb smoothing over a coffee stain in the corner. His little klutz.
“Good morning, and welcome to English Literature and Language,” the lecturer began, and Kihyun grinned as he caught the eye of the teacher’s assistant, a short, stocky boy with a hickey on his hip bone that Kihyun had placed there himself the night before.
Changkyun grinned back, before rolling his eyes and tilting his head in the way of the lecturer. Kihyun twirled his pen in his hand and opened his exam pad.
He was finally in the right class, living the right life. He wasn’t going to waste a single second.