Chapter Text
Pre - Draft Chatter
URallAssholes: so?
Kingslayer: She's amazing.
URallAssholes: and?
Kingslayer: Can you cover for us if we run out to the car for 15 minutes?
URallAssholes: DUDE
--
WarriorMaiden: I have nothing to say.
SexontheSand: Did he leave you speechless? It didn't sound that way last night.
IronIslandBattleBabe: Ell, I can see her sitting on the couch her at Catelyn's and her face is turning like 18 shades of red.
WarriorMaiden: It is not.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: 19
SexontheSand: Margaery has been humming today. She's trying on another dress.
KissedByFire: What is that song she's humming? I know it but I can't place it.
WarriorMaiden: Margaery hums the morning after she has sex.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: You cannot distract us from asking about you and Jaime, Brienne. Though we don't really need to.
KissedByFire: We heard.
WarriorMaiden: You heard nothing.
SexontheSand: Everyone heard everything.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I bet that room looks like a hurricane hit it.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: 20
WarriorMaiden: I am living in denial.
SexontheSand: So it was good? Tell us about the surprise oral?
WarriorMaiden: WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT?
IronIslandsBattleBabe: 21
KissedByFire: No one, we were just fishing. But we all know you and Jaime have been dating for months now.
WarriorMaiden: We have not.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: 22
[LadyRose has joined the conversation.]
LadyRose: I just sent you all a picture from the dressing room. Does my butt look big in this dress?
SexontheSand: I could just join you in the dressing room?
KissedByFire: Marg, Brienne got surprise oral from Jaime.
LadyRose: She told you??
IronIslandsBattleBabe: 23
WarriorMaiden: If Margaery is humming showtunes, it means she got laid last night.
LadyRose: Like you're one to talk, Brienne Tarth.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: 24
KissedByFire: It's Surrey with the Fringe on Top!!
SexontheSand: We all need to get together to discuss. In detail.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Jaime is looking at you.
WarriorMaiden: He is not. I have to go Draft.
[WarriorMaiden has left the conversation.]
IronIslandsBattleBabe: She can barely sit, is wearing a winter scarf indoors to hide the hickeys and is refusing to look at Jaime. Jaime alternates between grinning like an idiot and looking at her like he wants to drag her by the hair back to his cave.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: She tried to make him wear a scarf. He refused.
KissedByFire: I want details on this surprise oral.
LadyRose: Apparently it's part of the Lannister skill set and it makes the whole world go black and explode in a thousand sparkly diamond colors.
SexontheSand: You know this from experience then?
LadyRose: I think I'm going to get this dress.
--
BeardedStag: Congrats on getting the first pick in the draft, Brie.
WarriorMaiden: Thanks. I have some issues with LeSean McCoy and I think I’m going to go with Jamaal Charles.
BeardedStag: Solid pick. So, you and Jaime? All night long. Are you finally going to admit you're a couple?
WarriorMaiden: I am not discussing this.
BeardedStag: Everyone knows Brienne.
WarriorMaiden: It’s just I’m worried about McCoy’s toe.
BeardedStag: You can pretend all you want. You’re not fooling anyone.
WarriorMaiden: Shut up.
BeardedStag: Wish you would have. Last night. When it was so damn loud.
--
FlayMaster: Do not mess this up, Ramsay.
LegitimizeThisBitches: i wont dad
FlayMaster: I’ll not have you embarrass me or besmirch the Bolton name.
LegitimizeThisBitches: don’t u have a block party to attend?
FlayMaster: …
--
FertileNonagenarian: the grandkids got me all set up 2 draft online
WarriorMaiden: Don’t forget our deal, Walder.
FertileNonagenarian: no kicker til the 12th round
WarriorMaiden: Right. No matter what anyone says.
FertileNonagenarian: and I get a date w yarsha?
WarriorMaiden: Absolutely.
FertileNonagenarian: i wont draft a kicker at all if she marries me
WarriorMaiden: Don’t push it.
--
SharkKing: watch over ur idiot brother
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I will.
SharkKing: dont let him draft injured players
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I can’t stop him, but I’ll give him advice.
SharkKing: he wont take it
IronIslandsBattleBabe: So, make me co-owner.
--
Round 1
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With the First Pick in the Draft, WarriorMaiden selects Jamaal Charles, Running Back, Chiefs.
Needler: hey brie
WarriorMaiden: What’s up Arya?
Needler: is Jaime ur bf now?
WarriorMaiden: Uhm. I’m not sure?
Needler: he got u food and held the plate 4 u, dad doesn’t even do that 4 mom
WarriorMaiden: I think maybe but we haven’t said anything officially.
Needler: i put my head on gendry’s shoulder and told him he was now my bf, u should try it
WarriorMaiden: It’s different for adults. I mean. Sometimes they just spend time together without an official commitment. I really don't know right now.
Needler: kissing time?
WarriorMaiden: Yes with adults, kissing doesn't make you a couple.
Needler: jaime asked u 2b his gf?
WarriorMaiden: Not exactly.
Needler: u could ask him?
WarriorMaiden: He might not want that.
Needler: boys r stupid
WarriorMaiden: Sometimes they are just hard to figure out.
Needler: Hey! draft packers!
WarriorMaiden: I will if I can.
--
iluvgilly: thx so much cat for saying gilly and I can stay
RedHeadedMother: She seems like a very nice girl.
iluvgilly: she is, she's great, let me know if i can help u at all
RedHeadedMother: There is one thing Sam...
iluvgilly: ?
RedHeadedMother: Stop Theon if he tries to use one of the bathrooms.
iluvgilly: uh...okay
--
Round 2
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their second round pick, WinterWolves selects Aaron Rodgers, Quarterback, Packers.
IKnowALittleSomething: hey j, u fucktard
Kingslayer: What do you want, permapout?
IKnowALittleSomething: so, u and brie..uh..video?
Kingslayer: Fuck YOU. You will never see her naked. You will never touch her. If I catch you even looking at her, I will gouge your eyes out with this plastic spork I’m about to wave at you.
IKnowALittleSomething: chill dude
Kingslayer: Go back to the Wall and freeze your balls off and stay the hells away from Brienne.
--
YoungWolf: i dunno where she keeps the platters
MrsYoungWolf: Everytime I ask her something, she snaps at me. You come in this kitchen and find the platters.
YoungWolf: i have 2 pay attention to the draft
MrsYoungWolf: And I should have gone shopping with Marg, Ell and Ygritte.
--
FertileNonagenarian: who r u?
Unknown: A man is just a man.
FertileNonagenarian: damn, was hopin u were a chick
[Unknown has left the conversation.]
--
Round 3
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their third round pick, Hear Me Kick Ass selects Cordarelle Patterson, Wide Receiver, Vikings.
RedHeadedMother: Everyone but Jaqen, Oberyn, Ellaria, Jaime and Brienne are staying at my house tonight. They all made up stories to check out of the hotel.
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: What’s happening with Jaime and Brienne?
RedHeadedMother: He’s strutting around like a peacock showing his feathers, grinning and glaring at everyone who gets near Brienne.
RedHeadedMother: He actually growled at Ned when he hugged her hello.
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Lannister men can be possessive.
RedHeadedMother: Apparently, things were quite loud last night. I'm glad they didn't stay here. I should refuse to house everyone else, but I don't want to prevent anything happening with Brienne and Jaime.
RedHeadedMother: We need her to break this league.
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: How is the draft going?
RedHeadedMother: Brienne seems to be staring at her iPad a lot, turning red and trying to ignore Jaime. Or at least pretend that the two of them don’t have hickeys all over their necks.
RedHeadedMother: When she does look at him, she bites her lip. He grins and bites his lip back. She turns red and stares at her iPad. I pull out my disapproving stare whenever someone tries to tease them. I don't want Brienne to panic.
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: But how is the DRAFT going?
RedHeadedMother: I can’t tell. Brienne doesn’t seem upset about it. Tyrion is drafting for the Lannister team.
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Dammit.
RedHeadedMother: Oh, Margaery and Tyrion aren’t staying here tonight. I guess they are in a different hotel.
BeenThereDoneThatQueen: Oh really?
--
Round 4
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their fourth round pick, Team Stannis/Davos selects Julius Thomas, Tight End, Broncos.
Kingslayer: I’ve been investigating.
WarriorMaiden: Investigating what?
Kingslayer: Off the kitchen, there is a small room filled with cans and jars.
WarriorMaiden: You’re investigating the pantry? There are boxes of pizza and chips and snacks everywhere. Are you foraging for food?
Kingslayer: The door locks. And there is a table in there. It’s pretty sturdy.
WarriorMaiden: Are you saying we should go in the pantry and…
Kingslayer: YES.
WarriorMaiden: NO.
Kingslayer: The back of your neck is turning red. I want to kiss it.
WarriorMaiden: No, Jaime. We can’t.
Kingslayer: It’s been so long…
WarriorMaiden: We were in the car out front less than an hour ago.
Kingslayer: A WHOLE HOUR.
WarriorMaiden: We can’t have sex in Ned and Cat’s house.
Kingslayer: I checked out the table. It’ll hold us.
WarriorMaiden: We can’t.
Kingslayer: I want you.
WarriorMaiden: Jaime…
[CommissionerByRight has joined the conversation.]
CommissionerByRight: Brienne, I want to politely and discreetly remind you that it’s your turn to draft. You appear to be distracted and I did not want the time to expire and you to lose a pick.
WarriorMaiden: Thanks Stannis.
[WarriorMaiden has left the conversation.]
Kingslayer: Fucking cockblocking asshole.
CommissionerByRight: Just reciprocating the favor, Jaime. You prevented me from having a decent night’s sleep.
--
Round 5
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their fifth round pick, IWillBeYourChampion selects Mike Wallace, Wide Receiver, Dolphins.
Needler: hey
Kingslayer: Do you need me to punch someone?
Needler: not at the moment, im gonna watch the game on my phone on thursday
Kingslayer: A reasonable solution.
Needler: is brienne ur gf now?
Kingslayer: Brienne has always been my girlfriend.
Needler: does she know that?
Kingslayer: Of course. How could she not know?
Needler: *side eye*
Kingslayer: She doesn't want me to sit next to her. She said I'll distract her from drafting.
Needler: u can sit in kitchen w me. i hve a secret plate of brownies
Kingslayer: You're here?
Needler: dude, i took ur coat and showed u n2 the rec room, u gave me 2 bucks
Kingslayer: Shortish? Dark hair? Slightly more feminine but just as short as Snow?
Needler: im almost 14, im gonna grow more soon
Kingslayer: I thought you were the maid. You said something about brownies?
--
Round 6
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their sixth round pick, The Faceless Men selects Tom Brady, Quarterback, Patriots.
IKnowALittleSomething: i wanna try that leg over my shoulder ting w ygs 2night
YoungWolf: not in my mother's house
SharkReek: is ygs that flexible?
IKnowALittleSomething: dunno, man though
SharkReek: after this round, i gotta take a dump
YoungWolf: NO
IKnowALittleSomething: NO
SharkReek: dudes, i gotta
YoungWolf: mom is already pissed, u stink out her bathroom REEK and she will go off
SharkReek: not like i can hold it
IKnowALittleSomething: try
--
URallAssholes: tall chick
WarriorMaiden: Tyrion.
URallAssholes: look at me
WarriorMaiden: Do not make those finger motions at me!
URallAssholes: told u so
WarriorMaiden: Brady was a good pick in the 6th round. Jaqen is going to be tough this year.
URallAssholes: blonde babies who are going to stampede through lys and defeat mothra
WarriorMaiden: So...I hear Marg was humming show tunes earlier.
URallAssholes: indeed?
WarriorMaiden: Is it even possible to embarrass you?
URallAssholes: no, not really
--
Round 7
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their seventh round pick, Night’s Winnermen selects Kendall Wright, Wide Receiver, Titans.
BAMFLannister: How is the draft progressing?
Kingslayer: No clue. Ask Tyrion.
[Kingslayer has invited URallAssholes to the conversation.]
[URallAssholes has joined the conversation.]
Kingslayer: How's the draft going?
URallAssholes: good so many peeps r off their game
URallAssholes: ervy1 is tired but robb, ned and theon, ned keeps apologizing 2 cat and theon looks like he has 2 shit
Kingslayer: How is Brienne doing?
URallAssholes: she's good
BAMFLannister: No woman compares to a Lannister when it comes to fantasy football.
URallAssholes: rollin eyes
BAMFLannister: Jaime, you should be paying more attention to the draft.
Kingslayer: I set lineups. Tyrion drafts.
BAMFLannister: You should do both.
Kingslayer: IS OBERYN SITTING DOWN NEXT TO HER?
[Kingslayer has left the conversation.]
BAMFLannister: Hrmph.
[BAMFLannister has left the conversation.]
URallAssholes: thx for doing all the draft prep, son, thanks for studying the stats and the sleepers, way 2 draft a kick ass team, you're a real lannister oh and thanks little brother for fixing things with brienne so i could finally get laid
URallAssholes: You’re welcome, both of you. it was nothing
--
Round 8
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their eighth round pick, DragonKings selects Tony Romo, Quarterback, Cowboys.
TheLastDragon: must you question every single one of my picks?
KellyCsBear: I worry that you are picking based on flash rather than substance.
TheLastDragon: flashy players are flashy because they are good
KellyCBear: Khal Drogo always advised to choose players who are in for the long haul rather than those who have only a few great games.
TheLastDragon: fuck Khal Drogo! I don't need him to win this league!
KellyCsBear: Of course not.
KellyCsBear: That's why we never win.
--
SexViper: No, my love. When I hinted at it, she turned red and politely declined.
SexontheSand: Ah well. Yarsha perhaps?
SexViper: Already arranged.
--
Round 9
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their ninth round pick, Thorny Stags selects Chris Johnson, Running Back, Jets.
YoungWolf: hey, walder hasnt picked a kicker yet
LegitmizeThisBitches: whut?
IKnowALittleSomething: fuk, where is he?
SharkReek: he's drafting online
YoungWolf: fuck fuck fuck
[YoungWolf has invited FertileNonagenarian to the conversation.]
[FertileNonagenarian has joined the converstion.]
FertileNonagenarian: what?
LegitimizeThisBitches: u know it's going 2 be a big year 4 kickers walder
YoungWolf: yeah, im gonna draft one soon
IKnowALittleSomething: dont want all the good kickers 2 be gone
SharkReek: im drafting a kicker next
FertileNonagenarian: all of u got dicks?
LegitimizeThisBitches: yeah....
FertileNonagenarian: if u got dicks, not listening, fuc off
[FertileNonagenarian has left the conversation.]
SharkReek: i really gotta go, sam keeps blocking the bathroom
YoungWolf: NO
IKnowALittleSomething: NO
LegitimizeThisBitches: CORK IT
--
Round 10
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their tenth round pick, GridIronBorn selects Nick Folk, Kicker, Jets.
SharkKing: did your idiot brother just draft a kicker in the 10th round????
IronIslandsBattleBabe: I don't now what happened. He was set to draft a wide receiver!
SharkKing: IDIOT
--
RedHeadedMother: Jeyne, I know I've said it a 1000 times today, but thank you so much for being here to help me.
MrsYoungWolf: This is a nightmare.
RedHeadedMother: We have to keep Theon away from the bathroom. If he gets in there, the entire house will smell for a week.
MrsYoungWolf: You realize he stayed with us last night. Why didn't you warn me?
RedHeadedMother: Sorry dear. I got so wrapped up in dealing with the house, that it just slipped my mind.
MrsYoungWolf: Sure. I just thought they called him Reek because of the bad breath.
RedHeadedMother: Well, that too.
--
Round 11
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their eleventh round pick, Flayers’ Players selects Jeremy Hill, Running Back, Bengals.
Kingslayer: What did Martell say to you earlier?
WarriorMaiden: I don't want to discuss it.
Kingslayer: He looked at you, Brienne.
WarriorMaiden: He kissed my hand too.
Kingslayer: YOU LET HIS LIPS NEAR YOU?
WarriorMaiden: It wasn't like I had any warning. And it wasn't a big deal. He was just being chivalrous.
Kingslayer: I will kill him if he gets near you again.
WarriorMaiden: Don't be ridiculous.
Kingslayer: Meet me in the pantry and we can discuss it.
WarriorMaiden: Jaime, no, we can't.
Kingslayer: I WANT you.
WarriorMaiden: There are only six more rounds left.
Kingslayer: Don’t you want me?
WarriorMaiden: Gods, how can you ask that?
Kingslayer: I want lick all the freckles I missed.
WarriorMaiden: Do you really think you missed any?
Kingslayer: Meet me in the pantry so we can find out.
[PerfectPrincess has joined the conversation.]
PerfectPrincess: hey jaime, brienne
WarriorMaiden: Hey Sansa.
PerfectPrincess: do u want me 2 put my bags n the car now or wait 4 2morrow? what time did u want to leave?
Kingslayer: What?
WarriorMaiden: Jaime, I told you Sansa would be riding back to King’s Landing with us and staying with me for a week. Ned and Cat will take her back next week on opening Sunday.
Kingslayer: You did?
WarriorMaiden: Yes. You asked me who Sansa was.
Kingslayer: Who is Sansa?
PerfectPrincess: hi, i’m over here, long red hair, u asked me if the pantry table was an antique, im waving at u, u gave me 2 bucks
Kingslayer: Uh. Hi.
WarriorMaiden: You tipped her?
Kingslayer: I thought she was a servant!
PerfectPrincess: so… bags? i have 2 suitcases for clothes, 1 for shoes, a roller bag of makeup n stuff and then my laptop/iPad bag
WarriorMaiden: You’re staying a week.
PerfectPrincess: i KNOW! i really shold have a 2nd case of shoes, i hope i packed enough clothes, we can go shopping though, right?
WarriorMaiden: Uh. Sure. Jaime and I will pick you up tomorrow around say noon?
Kingslayer: Make it 2.
WarriorMaiden: Our hotel checkout time is 11.
Kingslayer: Brienne…
WarriorMaiden: Make it 2, Sansa and we’ll load your bags when we get here.
WarriorMaiden: Maybe 230.
--
Round 12
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their twelfth round pick, 2Old2Care selects Dan Carpenter, Kicker, Bills.
YoungWolf: FUCK
IKnowALittleSomething: FUCK FUCK FUCK
SharkReek: HOLY FUCK
LegitimizeThisBitches: this did not just happen
[WarriorMaiden has joined the conversation.]
[WarriorMaiden has invited PerfectPrincess to join the conversation.]
[PerfectPrincess has joined the conversation.]
[URallAssholes has joined the conversation.]
[Kingslayer has joined the conversation.]
WarriorMaiden: Well well well, Walder drafted a kicker in the 12th round. That means I won the bet.
PerfectPrincess: what bet?
SharkReek: shit fuck dammit
LegitimizeThisBitches: shit balls
YoungWolf: HEY, my sister is here
Kingslayer: She’s your sister?
IKnowALittleSomething: and u think I know nothing
WarriorMaiden: Well, Sansa, Jon, Robb, Theon and Ramsay all bet me that Walder would pick a kicker by the 10th round. He didn’t.
PerfectPrincess: what did u win?
WarriorMaiden: They all have to wear dresses to opening Sunday, which will be at a sports
bar.
URallAssholes: and heels
PerfectPrincess: hehehehheeeee
PerfectPrincess: thats great brie
[SexViper has joined the conversation.]
SexViper: So we are all wearing dresses to the draft, yes?
PerfectPrincess: u lost the bet 2?
SexViper: No. I just look good in a dress, young Sansa.
WarriorMaiden: And speaking of that, Sansa, you wanted to go shopping in King’s Landing. Why don’t you get all the boys’ sizes and credit card information so you can pick out dresses and heels for all of them to wear?
URallAssholes: i am going 2 take so many pics
IKnowALittleSomething: ..ugh...fudgenuts!
SexViper: I already have something picked out, goddess Brienne. Something special for you.
Kingslayer: Shut up, Martell, or I would come over there and crush you.
PerfectPrincess: thx Brie. u make fantasy football fun!!!!
--
Round 13
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their thirteenth round pick, Thorny Stags selects Eli Manning, Quarterback, Giants.
Needler: how is ur draft goin?
Unknown: A man’s team is solid.
Needler: u know brienne needs to win the league
Unknown: A woman has too much honor to cheat.
Needler: cheat anyway
Unknown: A girl has no honor.
Needler: *shrug* I jes want her 2 win
--
FlayMaster: Honestly, Ramsay. Autodraft could have picked a better team.
LegitimizeThisBitches: we wont know until after week 1
FlayMaster: I’ll not have you embarrass the Bolton name.
LegitimizeThisBitches: uhm...how are the apps walda made?
FlayMaster: Shut up.
--
Kingslayer: So when you say she’s staying with you for a week, that means she’s just using your place?
WarriorMaiden: Not exactly. I actually planned a full week of stuff to do with her. She’s visiting King’s Landing college and observing classes during the day but I have her every evening for dinner and she’s staying with me.
Kingslayer: That’s not going to work.
WarriorMaiden: What?
Kingslayer: Wench, you need to spend the evening, and the NIGHTS with me.
WarriorMaiden: I promised Ned and Cat.
Kingslayer: Break it.
WarriorMaiden: I can’t! It’s a promise.
Kingslayer: What if we hook her up with my nephew. He’s about her age?
WarriorMaiden: You mean the violent, misogynistic psychopath?
Kingslayer: Uh...yeah.
WarriorMaiden: No Jaime.
Kingslayer: Dammit. When am I going to see you?
WarriorMaiden: She’ll be gone on Sunday.
Kingslayer: That’s a whole week.
WarriorMaiden: I know…
Kingslayer: Meet me in the pantry, we can discuss it?
WarriorMaiden: I have to draft again in less than 8 minutes.
Kingslayer: You really think it’s going to take that long?
WarriorMaiden: After this pick, I’ll have at least 12 minutes.
Kingslayer: I’ll be in the pantry, waiting for you. HURRY.
WarriorMaiden: Gods...Jaime...
--
Round 14
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their fourteenth round pick, 2Old2Care selects Johnny Manziel, Quarterback, Browns.
RedHeadedMother: What is your brother doing in my larder??
URallAssholes: uhm...checking out the canned goods?
RedHeadedMother: Good gods. There are children in this house!
URallAssholes: fuk me, ill bang on the door
RedHeadedMother: Brienne is such a nice girl. Your brother is corrupting her.
URallAssholes: mebbe she’s corrupting him
RedHeadedMother: …
URallAssholes: fine, ur right
RedHeadedMother: Well, apparently, they’re done. That was rather quick. Is that a Lannister issue?
URallAssholes: fuk no
RedHeadedMother: Well it wasn’t very kingly.
--
TheLastDragon: im bored
SharkReek: i still need 2 shit
iluvgilly: the downstairs bath isn't working
MrsYoungWolf: Catelyn will slaughter you if you mess her bathroom.
SharkReek: i can wait til i get 2 ur place
MrsYoungWolf: I booked you into a hotel. It suddenly had a lot of vacancies.
TheLastDragon: ahahhahaha, no sleep for you, assholes
SharkReek: fuk u
--
Round 15
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their fifteenth round pick, DragonKings selects Ravens, Defense.
URallAssholes: cat heard u
Kingslayer: Do. Not. Care.
URallAssholes: tall chick might care
Kingslayer: Why?
Kingslayer: Hey, this Sassy girl is supposed to stay with Brienne for the whole next week. That is going to be a problem.
URallAssholes: uh...k?
Kingslayer: Can you take her?
URallAssholes: take her where?
[Kingslayer has invited PerfectPrincess to the conversation.]
[PerfectPrincess has joined the conversation.]
Kingslayer: Hey, Sally, this is my brother, Tyrion. You can hang with him while you’re in King’s Landing.
URallAssholes: uh, whut?
PerfectPrincess: uhm. i don’t really know u, and aren’t u kinda old for me?
URallAssholes: aren’t u kinda dumb 4 me? and bitchy?
PerfectPrincess: sorry, i just really dont want to hang out w u
URallAssholes: i feel bad 4 u and all, but i don’t want 2 hang out w u either
Kingslayer: Come on. You should spend time together. Say a week. Get to know know one another. It’s your duty to mend any rifts between the Starks and the Lannisters.
URallAssholes: u realize you’re sounding like Father?
PerfectPrincess: uhm...I really already have plans with Brienne
URallAssholes: see, cant help u bro
PerfectPrincess: and margaery too!
URallAssholes: fuk
--
Round 16
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With their sixteenth round pick, IWillBeYouRChampion selects Rob Bironas, Kicker, Titans.
KissedByFire: Thank gods you’re almost done. I’m about to strangle Marg.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Has she taken you to every shop in Winterfell?
SexontheSand: Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry
When I take you out in the surrey,
When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top!
That is the only verse she knows.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Oh gods.
KissedByFire: ALL FUCKING DAY.
SexontheSand: How was the draft?
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Theon is an idiot. Otherwise fine.
[LadyRose has joined the conversation.]
MrsYoungWolf: I think Jaime and Brienne had a quickie in a room off the kitchen.
LadyRose: Oh nice. I’m so happy for her.
KissedByFire: You’re so fucking happy.
SexontheSand: So, the little man?
LadyRose: Is not so little.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Nice.
[WarrorMaiden has joined the conversation.]
WarriorMaiden: How’s the shopping?
IronsIslandsBattleBabe: How’s the fucking?
SexontheSand: From the sounds last night, it was very very pleasurable.
LadyRose: You have to tell us everything.
WarriorMaiden: NO. NO. I can’t talk about it.
IronIslandsBattleBabe: And was that a quickie in the store room?
WarriorMaiden: No. Shut up.
SexontheSand: Quickies are nice. I wish Oberyn liked quickies.
LadyRose: You and Jaime? Tell all.
WarriorMaiden: NO!
IronIslandsBattleBabe: You know everyone heard you all over the hotel last night.
WarriorMaiden: No!
SexontheSand: Oberyn and I wanted to join you.
WarriorMaiden: No.
LadyRose: So are you official now?
WarriorMaiden: ...No?
IronIslandsBattleBabe: Officially fucking all over Winterfell.
MrsYoungWolf: You are not exclusive?
WarriorMaiden: ...no?
--
WardenWolf: You are the best wife.
RedHeadedMother: I am.
WardenWolf: And I great mother.
RedHeadedMother: Agreed.
WardenWolf: I promise not to volunteer us to do this again next year.
RedHeadedMother: WHAT! YOU VOLUNTEERED?
RedHeadedMother: You told me Stannis asked! You told me you got forced into it! You told me you tried to get out of it!!!
WardenWolf: You’re the best Cat, just the best.
--
Round 17
CommissionerByRight sends a global message: With the Final Pick in the draft Thorny Stags selects Titans, Defense. The Draft is complete.
FingerfewerHand: See it all went perfectly fine. No fist fights, no screaming matches, no blood.
CommissionerByRight: Most everyone seemed too tired to argue. It was nice.
FingerfewerHand: We also have a solid team this year. We should do well.
CommissionerByRight: Davos, I want to thank you for shouldering the majority of the responsibility for drafting our team this year. I allowed myself to become so involved in my duties as Commissioner and relied too heavily on you. I’m sorry.
FingerfewerHand: It’s my team too. I’m happy to put in the work. You know I enjoy putting in the work.
CommissionerByRight: Why don’t I put in the work when we get back home, Sir?
FingerfewerHand: I believe Catelyn is assigning us a relatively private room, and I brought a set of sheets from home.
CommissionerByRight: You are far too good to me, Davos. I will put in the work to make it up to you tonight.
FingerfewerHand: What?
CommissionerByRight: You are far too good to me, Sir.
FingerfewerHand: Better.
[SharkKing has joined the conversation.]
SharkKing: my son is an idiot, stan, can we redo the draft so i can be present?
CommissionerByRight: You chose to make Theon a co-owner, giving him full drafting privileges and you chose not to come to Winterfell for the Draft. I can imagine no circumstances under which the League owners would agree to a complete reset of the Draft.
SharkKing: FUCK
[SharkKing has left the conversation.]
[SexViper has joined the conversation.]
FingerfewerHand: That was a mood killer.
SexViper: Was someone talking sex? Looking for company?
CommissionerByRight: No, Oberyn. No one wants company.
SexViper: I should have tried to join Jaime and the goddess Brienne in the larder earlier.
CommissionerByRight: What?
FingerfewerHand: Blood pressure, Stannis. Blood pressure.
--
Kingslayer: I want you. Let’s go.
WarriorMaiden: We have to thank Catelyn and Ned.
Kingslayer: Fuck them. I want you, wench.
WarriorMaiden: And I have to find my underwear.
Kingslayer: I have them.
WarriorMaiden: What?
Kingslayer: They are in my pocket. Let’s go.
WarriorMaiden: Why are my underwear in your pocket?
Kingslayer: Look over at me right now.
WarriorMaiden: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?
Kingslayer: LET'S GO.
WarriorMaiden: I am logging off and going to say goodbye to Ned and Cat. DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN.
Kingslayer: Then hurry.
[WarriorMaiden has signed out of chat.]
[URallAssholes has joined the conversation.]
URallAssholes: those her panties?
Kingslayer: Everyone was supposed to think it’s a napkin.
URallAssholes: w pink flowers on it?
Kingslayer: Anyone else notice?
URallAssholes: if they did, they aren’t saying n e thing. all that growling, glaring combined with the bonecrushing handshakes have kept them quiet.
Kingslayer: Good. Those assholes aren’t worthy to look at her.
URallAssholes: ur all in, eh?
Kingslayer: She’s going to have this Stark kid with her for a week. A week!
URallAssholes: u cant go a week?
Kingslayer: Seven hells.
URallAssholes: u could get a hotel room at lunch?
Kingslayer: I was thinking the back seat of her car in the parking lot, but a hotel is a much better idea. Sending an email to Peck now.
--
TO: Assistant Peck
FROM: Jaime Lannister
RE: Hotel Room
DATE: August 30, 2014
Peck
Book a hotel room for the entire week, the nicest hotel within 10 minutes of Baratheon Enterprises main office. Make that 5 minutes. Best room they have.
Have it stocked with lots of water. Maybe some Gatorade. And have them put in sandwiches every day at lunch. And whipped cream. The spray kind, not the bowl kind. And chocolate syrup. In the squeezy bottle.
Have one of the keys hand-delivered to Brienne Tarth, Baratheon Enterprises on Monday morning.
Jaime
Your Boss
PS. Tell Father nothing.