Chapter Text
Lucy had never been one for secrets.
Maybe it was growing up with two psychologists, (who also happened to be perpetual over sharers) as parents. Maybe it was just something in her DNA; while her friends found secret crushes, secret notes, and secret journals the height of fun and intrigue, she just found it all dull and tiring. She just never saw the benefit of it; it felt too close to lying, and it always seemed to do more harm than good.
Then she dated Nolan, and kept it a secret. A lot of good that did; keeping it a secret, and the awful wonders of what would happen if everyone found out, ended their relationship. She told herself she was never doing that again, no matter how tempting.
But, Tim was more then tempting. He went from a mentor, to friend, to partner in everything, so fast that it could make her head spin, and so slowly she didn’t really notice it was happening.
Now he made her coffee, when she had a latter night then he did, and he let her steal all of his old t-shirts, sweatshirts and sweats. He held her hand, and woke her up when she had night terrors, holding her until she could fall back asleep. He helped her study for her TO exam, even though she probably wouldn’t get tapped to take it for another six months to a year (she liked to be prepared).
He was her partner, in every sense of the word, except professionally, and she couldn’t tell anyone about him.
He had always been adamant, and so had she; they would keep it a secret until there was an opening in another station for Tim to find a place as sergeant. After he was gone a couple months, they could stop keeping it all under wraps, but still not flaunt the relationship (there were words for cops who dated cops, of course it only seemed derogatory for the female officers).
She found herself wanting to tell everyone, to shout about him, about them, from the rooftops, damn the consequences, and the racist, sexist cops who would care who she was with.
(How was she supposed to keep this a secret, when it made her happier than anything she had ever known?)
Lucy regarded Tim, leaning over the counter a bit, as he poured pancake batter into a sizzling pan.
It was nice, having her apartment to herself, while Jackson was over at Sterling’s. She got to have Tim in her bed, cooking in her kitchen, and didn’t have to always be at Tim's place. Not that she didn’t like his house, but it was clearly his house. No matter how many drawers he gave her, or how much of the closet she commandeered.
This was her first apartment that she felt like she had any ownership over, that she decorated, with all of her things. When Tim stayed over, it was perfect; she got to walk around in her underwear and Tim’s LAPD shirt and pretend that this is how she woke up every morning.
(That this was how she was going to spend every morning, for the rest of her life).
“You have a thinking face on,” Tim commented, mildly, as he flipped a pancake onto the plate next to the burner.
“Maybe,” Lucy said, resting her chin on her hand, “Or maybe I’m just objectifying my hot boyfriend as he cooks me breakfast, in my kitchen.”
She cocked her head to the side to look at his ass for good measure.
“I know your objectifying look, too,” Tim smirked, “It’s not that. Okay maybe it’s a little bit that.”
Tim swerved as she tried to swat him with a dish towel, laughing.
“I know that we have not told anyone,” Lucy bit her lip, “About us, for good reasons-”
“Your career, for one,” Tim raised an eyebrow.
“Yah,” Lucy walked around the counter, to put her hands around Tim’s neck, “But I wish it didn’t have to be like that. I wish you could just be my boyfriend here, and at work. I mean I haven’t been your rookie for-”
“Less than two months,” Lucy rolled her eyes, of course he had to be a pessimist about all of this.
“Well when you put it like that-” Lucy dropped her hands from his neck, and went under his arm, grabbing a piece of a sizzling pancake off the plate.
“Hands off the pancakes,” Tim caught her around the middle, and she grinned, “Until they’re all done.”
“How are you going to make me?” Lucy teased.
“Oh, I can think of a few ways,” Tim smirked, and she shrieked as she was lifted up, and her ass was on the counter, with her boyfriend standing between her legs.
“You got me right where you want me,” Lucy bit her lip and batted her eyelashes, “What are you going to do about it?”
“You are nothing but trouble.”
Lucy giggled, as she brought Tim’s lips to hers, tugging him closer to her, the pancakes completely forgot.
She must not have heard the door open, because the first thing she heard was Jackson’s half shocked, half annoyed, yelp.
“Okay,” Jackson turned around, his hands over his eye, “Nope, not okay.”
“Jackson,” Lucy winced, looking at Tim and then Jackson, wondering how she could possibly salvage this train wreck.
(Especially when Tim quickly stepped away, and looked at the floor, thoroughly mollified.)
“I have waited until you were going to tell me. Waited even though this,” Jackson gestured wildly at the two of them, “Was getting ridiculously hard to ignore. So many heart eyes, it’s kind of stupid. I mean, your gone half the week, every week, and Officer Bradford was just here the other day, for no reason-”
“You can call him Tim-”
“I really can’t,” Jackson turned towards them, his hand still over his eyes.
“Jackson,” Lucy let out a breath.
“Yes.”
“Would you like to meet my boyfriend?”
“I would be delighted to,” Jackson nodded, firmly, “After you put some clothes on-”
He pointed at Lucy, his hand finally leaving his eyes, to land on his hip.
“And you,” Jackson pointed at Tim, “Make me some damn pancakes.”
Tim shot Jackson a look, and he looked shaken in response.
“Sir.”
Lucy stifled a giggle at the incredulous look on Tim’s face. She hopped down from the counter and gave Tim a quick kiss on the cheek as she passed.
“Better do as he says,” Lucy called behind her, “Honestly, easiest for everyone.”
By the time she was back, with sleep shorts on, Tim and Jackson were making companionable small talk and Jackson had the biggest stack of pancakes in front of him.
There were pancakes set aside for her too, with strawberries, like she liked.
She slid next to Tim, and mouthed “thank you” when Jackson was not looking. She hoped he knew that she was talking about the pancakes, but the look on his face made her 90% sure she was understood.
With a smile, he kissed her head, and asked Jackson another question about his shop.
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Tim had never been one for secrets.
When he and Isabelle had started up, a lifetime ago, he never understood her reluctance to tell everybody. He was too young then, to realize all the implications it could have for her, her life, and her career. She was always ahead of him, in that respect.
Now he wasn’t a young man, and Lucy was precious to him in a way that he couldn’t fully articulate or understand. He knew how important her career was to her, and there was no way he was going to be the end of it.
So she graduated, and he waited for a sergeant's position to open up, and they waited in a kind of limbo.
(A mostly wonderful limbo).
They were, for all intents and purposes living together, of course neither of them said that. She spent half the week at his house, and he spent the other half at her apartment. At work they were strictly fellow officers, former T.O and rookie. They didn’t even ride together any more (which was not an easy transition for him, in any respect). They were professional, distant even, all day. Then he would get home, and she was his girlfriend, and no one knew (well besides West).
Lucy was looking at him carefully, from the other side of his kitchen table.
“There’s some people I want to tell.” Lucy looked over her wine glass, “Not everyone, and I’ll be careful, but I think it would be good. Healthy.”
Tim felt something twinge in his stomach. Part of him wanted everyone to know, all the time.
At the cop bar when drunk patrolmen stared at her ass, and sidled up to him to ask if he thought she was single. When he was talking to his mom on the phone, and his old army buddies, and he could only share part of who Lucy was to him (he wanted them to know all about her, everything that made her so special to him).
There were other times when he looked at her, and she was so important to him, and this thing they created together as close to perfect as he had ever known, and he wanted to shield it from everyone who wasn’t them.
But she was looking at him hopefully, so he smiled.
“Who do you want to tell first?”
“Let me finish, okay,” Lucy put her wine glass down, not quite meeting his eye, “Before you get all judgey.”
Tim nodded, already not liking where this was going.
“John is one of my closest friends,” Lucy reasoned, “Jackson knows, and he should know too. He wouldn’t say anything, to anyone.”
Lucy was looking at him imploringly, and he almost wished it was as easy to say no to her now, as it had been when they first met.
“I trust you.” Tim said, trying to keep the simmering of worry, jealousy, and fear at bay.
“I know you do,” Lucy said softly, and her smile (almost) made what he agreed to worth it.
Tim almost forgot, that Lucy was going to tell Nolan, until three weeks later when he saw him barrel towards him at a cop bar, sitting next to him, beer in hand.
“You know that this could ruin her?” Nolan said, as a greeting, “Right.”
“Hello to you too,” Tim said, “Officer Nolan.”
Nolan looked so self righteous, Tim really wished that he was just some rookie he could dismiss, not one of Lucy’s friends.
(And ex-boyfriend, and Tim wishes he was evolved enough for that to not bother him, even a little).
“Don’t play coy,” Nolan glared, “Lucy matters too much.”
He was her friend. They both cared about Lucy. That was at least a language they could both share.
“I am leaving,” Tim put down his own beer, trying to keep his voice even, “I passed the sergeants exam and I am transferring stations.”
“I didn’t realize it was that…” Nolan looked surprised.
“That what?” Tim tried to keep his voice non-judgmental.
(He was pretty sure he was failing; who wasn’t great at that when he liked the person sitting across from him).
“Serious.”
Anger bubbled up, and he had to take a breath before he said something he would regret.
“What did Lucy tell you,” Tim asked, evenly.
“Not to be mad at you.” Nolan tried to keep the disgust off his face and didn’t quite manage it.
Tim smiled despite himself.
“Typical,” Tim shook his head.
“What do you mean by that?” Nolan snapped.
“She would care more about how you talked to me,” Tim’s voice was razor thin, “Then how you talked to her. Were you this nice when she told you?”
Nolan deflated slightly at that.
“I might not have been at my best.”
Tim made the note to check in with Lucy later. If Nolan had hurt her feelings, and she hadn’t shared it with Tim, to protect him, he really wanted her to know she didn’t have to do that.
Not ever.
“Well,” Tim took a breath, “It is serious, and I am moving stations. We are making this work.”
Nolan nodded, and they sipped their beers in silence for a minute or two.
“You know,” Nolan’s voice calm and about as close to friendly as it was going to get, “If you hurt her, me and Jackson are coming after you with a lot worse than a shovel.”
“Good.” Tim responded, meaning it.
“Good.” Nolan, almost smiled.
After a moment, Tim looked at Nolan, and he realized they were on the same team.
Even if they were never going to like each other.
“I know you care about her,” Tim said simply, “I am in love with her.”
“Yah,” Nolan looked at him, his face unreadable, “If she doesn’t get everything she deserves, it’s on you.”
Tim wished he could say that he didn’t watch Nolan leave, but that would have been a lie.
The only thing he hated more than secrets, was lies.
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Lucy knew that Rachel deserved to know. But as the months passed, it became harder and harder to pick up the phone and call her friend.
Rachel had been right, after all, Tim loved her. How was she supposed to admit to her friend, to herself, that she fell in love with her friend's boyfriend? Especially after all of the hurt she experienced in college.
Part of her, a selfish part that she wouldn’t want anyone to see, wanted to tell her friend about the guy she was in love with.
Against her better judgment, Lucy picked up the phone and called her.
“Hey Rachel,” Lucy said, her voice sounding artificially sweet to her own ears.
“Hey,” Rachel sounded surprised, but not angry, “It’s been a long time since I heard from you-”
“Sorry,” Lucy let out a breath, trying to find the words, “I’ve been busy.”
There was an awkward silence, that lingered, maybe 10 seconds, but felt like hours.
“So,” She could hear Rachel smiling, “You and Tim, huh?”
“Yah,” Lucy closed her eyes, “Me and Tim””
That was as good a descriptor as any.
“I’m happy for you,” Rachel said, “Though I think for both our sakes, I don’t need to hear all the details.”
“Fair,” Lucy said quickly, “Totally fair.”
“I’m seeing someone,” Rachel’s voice sounded hopeful, even over the phone, “Want to hear about him over drinks?”
“I would love that,” Lucy smiled “Just one thing?”
“Yah?”
“Can we go somewhere other than a cop bar?”
“For sure,” Rachel laughed, “It sounds like a plan.”
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It probably should have been harder, for Tim to leave this station. This station to which he gave his twenties, and thirties, that saw him through his marriage. It was the place where he became a cop, a T.O, where he met Lucy.
If he had to leave this place that made him, to keep Lucy in his life, well, it wasn’t a choice at all.
“Thank you Sergeant Grey,” Tim said as he shook his hand, trying to wrap his head around this surreal meeting. This was his last time in this office in a professional capacity. He didn’t know what to make of that.
“You have done good work for this department,” Sergeant Grey nodded, “And you will continue to do so in Westwood.”
“Thank you sir.” Tim said, feeling uncomfortable, stiff and out of place. It didn’t help when Grey suddenly looked, well not nervous, but as close as he had seen him.
“Officer Chen is a good officer,” Tim’s heart dropped, “She is going to do well here.”
“Sir?”
“We will miss you here,” Sergeant Grey’s speech slowed, so his meaning could not be in any way misunderstood, “We don’t wish you to go, but...”
Grey trailed off.
“I understand, sir,” Tim nodded. Without him here, it would be better for Lucy, he tried to ignore the sting that this fact elicited.
“Good,” Sergeant Grey looked relieved, “That’s good.”
Tim turned to leave, and he wasn’t sure what came over him, but he turned back.
“It’s serious,” Tim said, “This isn’t just- I wasn’t taking advantage-”
“If I thought either of those things,” Grey said shooting a dark look at him, “This would be a very different conversation.”
“Good,” Tim turned back towards the door.
“People won’t talk less,” Grey called after him, “Just because you move stations.”
“We know,” Tim felt the pit grow at the bottom of his stomach.
“It won’t affect Officer Chen’s rise through the ranks, however.”
Tim turned and looked Grey in the eye, and he knew, in that moment, that Lucy was going to be okay.
If Lucy was okay, then he was going to be okay, too.
“Good.” Tim nodded, at a loss of what to say. Of what he could say, that could possibly express everything he was feeling.
“Thank you, Sergeant Bradford.”
Simplicity, he supposed, was the best he could hope for.
“Thank you,” Tim smiled, “Sergeant Grey.”
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It was strange, the first few weeks with Tim in Westwood. It wasn’t like they were attached at work the last few months; they had been in different shops, different shifts half the time. Still, it had been comforting that he was around, during morning briefing, another set of eyes at a crime scene, or bumping into him outside interrogation. She missed that, and it took everything she had not to become that cop who was too distracted by her phone to be effective.
She wasn’t that cop.
Right now she might have been that cop.
“Waiting for Bradford to text you?” Angela drawled, as she sidled up beside her. Lucy quickly exited out of her and Tim’s text messages, feeling heat rise in her cheeks.
“What no,” Lucy spluttered, “I don’t know what-”
Angela shot her a look, and Lucy went silent.
“Sorry.” Lucy whispered, sliding her phone back in her pocket.
“Don’t be,” Angela rolled her eyes, “Like me and Wes weren’t like that in the beginning.”
Lucy opened her mouth to say she was wrong, but closed it again. She wasn’t going to lie anymore, especially with how Angela was looking at her.
“I am happy for the two of you,” Angela’s face was softer.
“I didn’t think,” Lucy tried to find her words, “Thanks.”
“Didn’t think what?”
“Bishop,” Lucy stuttered, “Really didn’t think it was a good idea to date another cop.”
“Oh,” Angela looked serious, “I agree.”
“Thanks,” Lucy mumbled.
“You're smart,” Angela said firmly, “You wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t real.”
“Yah,” Lucy smiled at that.
“But if you hurt Tim,” Angela said, her voice light but deadly serious, “Me and Bishop are coming after you with a shovel.”
“Fair enough,” Lucy shrugged, and Angela laughed.
They walked back into the break room, and started talking about an unsolved robbery they both had connections to.
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Lucy was vibrating with nervous energy next to him. The music was too loud, and the drinks were a little too warm, and it would be easy enough to discount it, but he knew Lucy.
Too well.
Before he could ask her what’s wrong, she broke the silence.
“I’m tired of waiting,” Lucy said, her voice crackling.
“What?”
“For the other shoe to drop,” Lucy gestured around, “For some cop to see me sneak out of your house, and tell on us like we're 16-years-old-”
“Lucy,” Tim’s heart started beating faster, and he felt like the floor was going to drop out from under him,“What are you trying to say?”
“Shit,” Lucy reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed, “I’m not trying to break up with you or anything.”
Tim let out a sigh of relief.
“Then,” Tim looked at her curiously, “What the hell are you trying to do?”
“People will talk,” Lucy said, “But you're at a different station, and I haven’t been your rookie for almost 6 months, and I want to build a life with you.”
Lucy was smiling in a way that made it impossible for him to not smile back.
“Come dance with me,” Lucy said standing up, taking his hand up with her.
“People will talk-”
“I know,” Lucy looked at him, and then at all the cops surrounding them, “Aren’t we worth the risk?”
Tim didn’t answer her, he just took her hand in his and led her to the dance floor. He felt so many eyes on her, on him, on them, but in that moment, he truly didn’t care.
Not when she was looking at him like that. Not when he got to dance with, pull her close. Not when he didn't have to put up unnatural and artificial distance between them. This was the first step in tearing all of that down. He tried not to get ahead of himself, tried not to picture the whole life they could have, they could build.
One thing was for sure, he promised himself, as he pulled her closer, he was going to take her dancing, a lot more.