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A Fucker, An Asshole, and a Slut Walk into a Bar

Chapter 7

Summary:

Apparently, Omegas worked like cats.

“Like fuckin’ cats?” Katsuki just blinked at him, Hitoshi grinned back.

“Like cats,” he confirmed.

Notes:

PUUUUUPS!! This starts when the boys are 25/26 and goes up through til the pups are 14 :D enjoy!

Chapter Text

When Katsuki woke, it was with a jolt. There was no sound, nothing happening that brought him up into consciousness; at least not something he could immediately pinpoint. Just instinct. And then he heard it, a soft, barely-there mewl. He’d barely lifted his head when Neito’s hand reached out to stroke his hair.

“I got it, Kats, go back to sleep.”

Katsuki lay back down, his head pressed to Hitoshi’s chest where it rose and fell slowly as he drifted in deep sleep. He deserved it, too, the labor had been intense. Hour after hour, with Neito and Katsuki sharing shifts with Shouta to keep Toshi calm and encourage him to keep going. To keep breathing, to keep pushing… and in the end, when he’d been handed two squalling red-faced little potatoes, it was Katsuki who broke down in tears.

He glanced up as Neito leaned over the other side of Hitoshi and sat up again, one of their pups cradled carefully against his arm.

It was still too early to tell who they took after; newborns were all pretty similar in appearance, and a routine scan didn’t suggest that the twins had a quirk that presented at birth. In the end it didn’t matter, because they were just as much Katsuki’s pups as they were Neito’s. He already loved them with his whole heart.

He listened to Neito gently soothing their restless pup back to sleep and felt his own eyes closing. It was fine. Everything was fine.


Yuki and Ayaka were mirror images of their Alphas, with their Omega’s bright lavender hair. Yuki had Neito’s blue eyes, and Ayaka had Katsuki’s red, but curiously it was Ayaka with Neito’s face shape and Yuki who had sharper lines, like Katsuki. Initially, Katsuki had been baffled; they were twins, how could they have had both his and Neito’s DNA at the same time?

Thankfully, the embarrassing biology talk had come from Hitoshi and not his father.

Apparently, Omegas worked like cats.

“Like fuckin’ cats?” Katsuki just blinked at him, Hitoshi grinned back.

“Like cats,” he confirmed. “Their litters can be made up of kittens sired by different toms, if they’re feral, and we kinda work the same way.”

“Well, you’re definitely feral,” Neito had told him, petting Hitoshi’s hair until their Omega purred. Katsuki couldn’t get over how weird this all was. But… it was their weird.

They were easy pups, or as easy as pups could be, Katsuki supposed. More often than not, they let the three of them sleep the night. But even when they didn’t, between all of them they managed to make it work. No, they didn’t just make it work, they were killing it.

They’d agreed, when Hitoshi first found out they were expecting– after that eventful night at the reunion– that he would take a year away from hero work, and the two of them would take three months’ leave when the twins arrived. 

And by ‘agreed’ Katsuki had had to enlist the help of Hizashi and Shouta.

…and by ‘help’ he meant good ol’ paternal pressure.

It was Hizashi who convinced him in the end, and Katsuki was pretty sure he knew how, but he never actually asked.

Hitoshi wasn’t one to sit idle, he chafed being a house Omega, but he took to raising their pups like he took on preparing for a mission: meticulously and with occasionally questionable methods.

He finagled his capture weapon into slings for the girls, keeping them near or on him at all times. When he needed to let them go, and neither Katsuki nor Neito were at hand to take them up, the slings turned into little hammocks, dangling the kids from the ceiling while Hitoshi took a shower or did his morning stretches.

It was actually pretty cute being able to see their pups like that, happy as anything, coddled up in their Omega's weapon of choice, safe and sound. Katsuki had more pictures of them on his phone than memory allowed for, at this point. He'd even stopped swearing at anyone who cooed at him when he'd scroll the gallery on breaks at work, because honestly? His girls were gorgeous. His entire family was.

That didn't stop them also being a literal nightmare half the time.

"Knew there was a reason you were so keen to take Jeanist's place in the rankings," Neito laughed, laying on his back in the play nest with Ayaka balanced on her belly against his feet. Yuki was busy gnawing on one of her teething rings at his side. "You had his quirk all along!"

"Shut up, mockingbird," Katsuki cursed through a mouthful of pins. In his lap was a little onesie, nearly all sewn up and ready to be worn. "I'm a fuckin' Enigma. They're providers, and I'm fuckin' providing!"

"You're doing great sweetie," Hitoshi assured him, and Neito laughed again, making Ayaka laugh as well, her sister almost immediately joining in.

Katsuki looked up at them all, the four of them, his pack, lazing in the play nest, looking relaxed, content, right. It all felt so goddamn right. Even if Katsuki hadn't intended to bond with anyone, let alone two anyones. Even if Katsuki hadn't ever expected to have pups. Even if, at 26, he was still not the number one hero, and somehow that didn't matter as much as it had in high school.

Because he'd get there eventually.

He carefully removed the pins from his mouth and shoved them back into the pincushion, shaking out the little garment in his hands with a hum.

"This one's done," he said, and his mates looked up at him. Katsuki hadn't sewn since he'd lived at home, but his mama hadn't raised no layabout, he was still pretty damn good. Neito let out a low whistle, before carefully lowering Ayaka into his arms and rolling over.

“Shit, Kats, that’s pretty nice.”

“That’ll teach you to doubt my Enigma prowess,” Katsuki muttered, grinning back. He’d made this one into a tiny version of Hitoshi’s hero costume. He’d already made one like Neito’s, so just his own left now. He’d never understood his mother when she’d told him he’d want to dress his girls up at every opportunity. Now he absolutely did.

He moved to kneel in the nest, gently bringing Yuki closer and laying her down to get her out of the onesie she’d been crawling about in. She blew spit bubbles at him and continued to gum her teething ring as he wrangled her wriggly limbs free of one garment and into another, before holding her up again.

“Perfect,” he grinned, bringing his pup closer to breathe her in before blowing a raspberry on her belly and making her shriek.


“Shou, the grandpuppies are here!”

Hitoshi snorted, leaning in to scent his dad as Hizashi reached out for one of the babies, snug and safe against Hitoshi’s chest in his capture weapon.

“Where’s my girl,” he cooed, carefully holding Ayaka under her arms before pressing her against his chest. “Sweet baby girl,”

“I am so glad Eri wasn’t an infant when you got her,” Hitoshi grinned. Hizashi just rolled his eyes at him as Ayaka cuddled up to him, thumb in her mouth. “That’s just weird.”

“You won’t get it til you have some of your own,” Hizashi told him. Hitoshi made an aborted sound in his throat.

“No, being a dad before I’m thirty is overwhelming enough, thanks, I don’t wanna be a grandpa before I’m forty-five.”

“Don’t remind me,” Shouta sighed, leaning in to nuzzle his pup before taking Yuki from her place against his chest and cradling her in his arms. “What did the doctor say?”

“They’re both genetically predisposed to develop quirks,” Hitoshi said, stretching his arms over his head with a groan. “But neither has shown signs of any.”

“You sure you’re ready to go back to work?” Hizashi asked, leading the two of them into the living room and curling up on the sofa. Ayaka had set her hands to his chest and was observing him with silent, wide eyes.

“Dad, come on.”

“I’m just asking,” Hizashi assured him. “You know we’ll support you in everything you want to do. But how could you leave them.”

“They’re pretty cute,” Hitoshi admitted, preening as his dads interacted with his girls. He cleared his throat and dropped to sit on the rug by the couch. “I was actually gonna talk to you about that. Kind of. Peripherally.”

Shouta hummed, glancing up at his pup as he fidgeted. In his arms, Yuki yawned and stretched out in her tiny home-made clothes before releasing the little trill of a noise that preempted a purr.

“Would you be mad if we were all working?” Hitoshi asked after a while, before carefully looking up to meet his fathers’ eyes. “Not at the same time, we’re figuring out a schedule that would work for all of us but… none of us really want to give up working yet. But I don’t want to mess the girls up if that’s a selfish thing to do.”

“Oh, kiddo,” Hizashi smiled at him. Ayaka had wrapped her hand around his glasses and was valiantly trying to remove them to chew on. “There’s no right or wrong when it comes to raising pups. Both Shouta and I were working when we raised you and Eri, and you turned out fine.”

Hitoshi snorted, but some tension left his shoulders. “Where is Eri anyway?”

“On a date,” Shouta replied, and Hitoshi’s eyes widened.

“You let her date?? Dad she’s like twelve!”

“She’s sixteen,” Hizashi calmly reminded him. Hitoshi just shook him off. 

“That’s even worse! Who is it?”

“Don’t worry,” Shouta smiled. “Your dad already gave the kid the talk.”

Hizashi smiled that smile of his that could freeze a villain in his tracks and Hitoshi sighed.

“Can’t believe she’s dating already, that’s crazy.”

“Well,” Shouta shrugged, “if I recall correctly, someone came home with two mating bites when he was a year younger than Eri is now.”

“So he can hardly judge,” Hizashi added, amused, having finally allowed the little pup in his lap to gum on his glasses.

Hitoshi’s ears turned red and he mumbled something neither of his fathers heard. Not that it mattered much, their attention was quickly diverted to the twins again, and half an hour later Hitoshi left them to babysit as he went to meet Neito for lunch.

He hoped whoever Eri was seeing was going to treat her right. The kid might have thought her dad was intimidating, but he’d not yet met her brother and his Alphas.


Yuki’s quirk manifested in grade school, and immediately got her in trouble.

Hitoshi was out on mission at the time, so both Neito and Katsuki rushed to school to figure out what was going on.

“There was an incident in the playground,” her teacher told them, as Yuki sat between them and idly kicked her feet. The chair she sat in was too tall for her.

“What kind of incident?” Neito asked. He was in his hero costume still, and it took a lot for Katsuki to keep from laughing. Neito was powerful but his costume sucked. He looked like a wannabe Gentle, especially now that he’d started to let some facial hair come in. “Did she hurt someone?”

“No, nothing like that, just… caused a bit of a ruckus,” her teacher laughed nervously, and Katsuki raised an eyebrow. “It seems your little one’s quirk is to uh, duplicate herself?”

“You know she’s a twin, right?” Katsuki replied, and the teacher nodded. 

“Yes, of course, but this is more like… she projected herself across the playground. Several of the kids saw it and got a little scared. I think little Yuki herself wasn’t sure what to do.”

Yuki pouted and kicked her feet a little more purposefully beneath her chair. Neito hummed.

“So she’s not in trouble, I presume?”

“Well–”

“Quirks manifest at this age,” he interrupted smoothly, and Katsuki sat back to proudly watch his mate school someone. No way in hell their kid was getting in trouble for literally letting her body do what it needed to do. Not like she could help it.

In the end, they left without much more being said. Yuki wasn’t in trouble, but she and her sister were allowed to go home early to talk about what their bodies are doing since their dads were already here to pick them up. Ayaka met all three of them outside the door, bouncing excitedly.

“Dad, dad, dad, isn’t it cool??”

“Is what cool, champ?” Katsuki asked, stroking her hair as she clung to his leg.

“Yuki’s thing!” she grinned. “She can make her voice sound like it’s far away from where she is, too!”

“Can she?” Neito looked at their other pup, who still stoically avoided their gazes. “That is pretty cool, muppet.”

“No it’s not, it’s scary,” she mumbled, and Neito stopped and crouched to be on her eye level.

“New things are always scary,” he agreed, tucking some of her unruly purple curls behind her ear. “When I first found my quirk I was pretty scared too. I didn’t know how it worked or what it meant. But it just takes some practice and time to master it, you’ll get there.”

“Why can’t I have a cool quirk like dad?” Yuki pouted, looking up at Katsuki, who immediately rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat. “He can blow stuff up. I just scare people.”

“You’re like a spy!” Ayaka interrupted brightly. “You’re like… magic, Yuki! You can be two places at once, you’re gonna kill it when we play hide and seek!”

That seemed to cheer her sister up a bit, at least it pulled a smile up on her face. They got them into the car without incident after that, and drove home.


Ayaka’s quirk appeared about a year later, and it was much more eventful.

In short, she almost set the house on fire.

Well, technically, Katsuki did.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Ayaka wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth as Katsuki and Neito worked to put the fire out in the kitchen. Hitoshi sat near his pup, stroking her hair and soothing her with a soft purr.

“You’re okay, kiddo, you’re fine.”

“I made dad… I made…”

“It feels a bit silly huh?” Hitoshi smiled. “Like you’re echoing in someone else’s head?”

Ayaka’s eyes widened and she looked up at him with a nod. “Yeah…”

“Sounds like you got something similar to your old man,” Hitoshi gestured to himself with both thumbs and a grin. “Which is awesome because I’ll be able to help you get a handle on it.”

“But what if I hurt dad?” She asked quietly. “Or Yuki or you or papa…”

“It takes a lot to hurt your dad,” Hitoshi reminded her gently, moving to sit next to her instead of in front of her. “He’s made of some pretty strong stuff.”

“Maybe I should ask grandpa to make my quirk not work,” she mumbled, and Hitoshi wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving it a squeeze. 

“Remember when Yuki got her quirk?” He asked. Ayaka nodded. “Remember how scared she was, but how excited you were? It’s because you saw how much cool stuff she could do, even though she just felt scary. I bet if she were here now, she’d think what you did was awesome.”

“That I made dad use his quirk?”

“Uh-huh,”

“D’you think it’s just dad?”

“Dunno,” Hitoshi told her honestly. “But we’ll figure it out together.”


By the time the girls were old enough to test into U.A., Shouta wasn’t a teacher there anymore. His injuries had finally caught up with him, to the point where some days he could barely stand up for the chronic pain running through his body. Regardless, he was at Hizashi’s side as he took up his announcer spot to open up the practical exam.

“Welcome hero hopefuls!” his voice reverberated across the field as a few dozen kids nervously waited at the starting line. “This year we have some amazing kiddos testing in, that means you, little listeners, are ones to watch!”

Shouta leaned against the side of the booth and let his gaze slip over the waiting group until he found them.

Both Ayaka and Yuki had shot up like bean sprouts in their last year of middle school, and now stood about a head taller than some of the boys. Hitoshi’s genes at work, since he was taller than both his Alphas. They looked entirely too calm, considering they had no idea what was in store for them.

Good.

He and Hizashi had been working with the pups since their quirks developed, to get them ready. Not only them, but their pack, too. Much as Shouta loved to tease them, neither Bakugou, nor Monoma were pushovers, especially the farther they got in their hero careers. As for his own pup, well, he was about as famous as an underground hero could get without putting his career at risk.

Shouta couldn’t be prouder.

“As you know, there are three events awaiting you after the starting line,” Hizashi continued, “all of them are designed to test your strength, your tactical reasoning, and your team work. Remember, a hero can work alone, but they’re always stronger with support, ya dig? Even Dynamight has an agency, and we know how good he is at working with others.”

Ayaka snorted, shaking her head, and Yuki just rolled her eyes, stretching her arms out behind her back.

“So on my mark,” Hizashi gestured, despite how far they were for any of the kids to see them. “Set… aaaaaaand show us what you’re made of, little heroes!”

One of the first things Shouta had done when he’d been given the vice principal position had been to change the entrance exams to accommodate for quirks like his own and Hitoshi’s, quirks that couldn’t move inanimate objects but were just as powerful. After that, fewer kids ended up in general studies who didn’t belong there.

Now, as he watched the kids rush off from the starting line, those with power quirks zooming ahead, as always, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Out in front we have young Hirotaka Suzure!” Hizashi called, “his quirk? Manipulate! He can make inanimate objects in his line of sight into anything that would be useful to him in a bind! Of course, he has his limits, but with practice this young man will go far!”

“And on his tail, and quickly catching up, the twins! Yuki and Ayaka Bakugou got in on special recommendation, and I’m excited to see how they do! Yuki’s quirk is Projection, she can project a hologram of her physical form, or throw her voice, as far as one kilometer away! Great for evasion, but not a quirk usually associated with combat. Her sister, Ayaka’s quirk? Force Manifest! She can force someone to manifest their quirk involuntarily, and has limited control of what they do with it for one minute! A nasty little quirk to be caught by surprise with, let me tell you.”

Shouta watched the pups shoot by, as Hizashi continued his commentary, and leaned against the window to keep an eye on them until they rounded a corner. 

Now they’d see if the girls had properly learned what he’d taught them.