Honestly it was an absolute joy to read! And now I'm feeling better, I can actually make cohesive comments!
Can I just say that you are incredible at seeting the scene? Star Wars comes with so much jargon but you interlaced it in brilliantly and not only created this facility in my head but also maintained the tension to the point where I got to this bit -
"Cassian stopped to close the man’s eyes before scanning the rest of the shipping bay for any other signs of life.
None greeted him. The bay was silent now, and though he could discern the make-shift uniforms of a small Pathfinder team littered around the floor, no limbs stirred. Many of them appeared to have been caught in the initial explosion, and even if there’d been time to call in a medical team - even if Cassian hadn’t been under twenty minutes from missing the extraction window - he wouldn’t have needed Kay on the line to know how low the odds were that he could save anyone but him."
-and was genuinely nervous that we'd lost Melshi. Despite already knowing it was four chapters. That's how hooked I was! And then this bit?
"He couldn’t move. He wasn’t sure he could breathe. Because there was something about the crooked angle of the fallen body’s hand, the wiry slope of the shoulders, the way the shadows pooled to make a pocket of darkness underneath what was visible of the eyes, the lines of a face Cassian hadn’t seen in years."
I was dead. Deceased. Utterly heartbroken and you hadn't even confirmed it was Melshi yet! And the tension of Cassian nearly walking away without checking? I was shouting at my phone.
And I will never recover from how soft you wrote Cassian in that moment. It felt real and visceral and AAAAAAAA I'm still insane over it.
Then there's this whole exchange.
"“Oh,” he said thickly, and then, a moment later: “Am I dead, then?”
“No.” It came out sharper than Cassian had meant it, so he tried to soften the edges by brushing his fingers across Melshi’s cheekbone, sweeping away a smudge of char. “You got caught in a blast - knocked out, but you’re okay. You’re going to be okay now.”
“Mmm,” Melshi hummed, and Cassian wasn’t sure if he’d heard Cassian’s words or not: his eyes were losing focus again, his breathing shallowing out. “Wondered if I’d see you. Before I went. Thought if I saw anything - anything nice, you know - it’d probably have to be you.”
“Melshi,” Cassian said firmly. “You’re not dying. I’m going to get you to medical. You hear me? You’re going to make it. You’re going to be fine. Just stay with me.”
“Glad you came, anyway,” Melshi continued. “Hope it’s a long time before you join me.”
His eyes made one more effort to focus on Cassian’s before they were rolling back in his head, his eyelids fluttering shut."
Absolutely insane. My roommates witnessed my murder as you tore my damn heart out. I couldn't continue, I had to re-read it about six times before I could move on the whump and the angst and the hurt/comfort was so good!
Then this?
"It wasn’t until Cassian got back to base that he was able to piece together what had happened. It wasn’t until Melshi was stable - until Cassian had seen him lowered into the bacta tank with his own eyes - that he could muster enough focus to try."
Just beat my already dead body why don't you?!
This whole thing was beautiful. I'll get to the other chapters when I can (I'm moving back to the UK rn so everything's a little chaotic) but this was so, so good. 10/10 would recommend getting murdered by this fic!
Wahhhhhhhhhh I have been treasuring this comment so fiercely!!! I can't tell you what a source of joy it's been for me. Thank you so much for taking the time to share these wonderful thoughts. <3<3<3
Action writing is something that does not come at all easily for me, so I was really happy and relieved to hear that the opening scene felt tense and immersive. And the lead-up to Cassian seeing Melshi felt absolutely crucial to me: I really wanted to capture that gut punch of Cassian recognizing Melshi in a body he had already presumed to be dead. I'm SO pleased to hear that landed for you.
And then yessssss ahhhhhh I'm so glad the softness and tenderness Cassian is feeling came through!!! He's trying so hard to keep a handle on himself, but I just imagined the shock and fear and desperation of the moment would be so powerful that it would have to come out.
I was also really attached to the idea that Melshi's first thought upon recognizing Cassian's voice would be to think he must be dead (that maybe that would be the only scenario in which Melshi had allowed himself to imagine seeing Keef again), so I am very sorry about the murder but also happy that that exchange resonated for you.
As a massive devotee of hurt/comfort, it truly means so much to hear that this chapter delivered on the feels for you. Thank you again for taking the time to share these incredibly generous words, which I will squirrel away and cherish like the most precious of acorns. And I hope your move to the UK goes as smoothly as it's possible for moves to go!!! <3<3<3
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LazLazOnWords on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Apr 2023 11:56AM UTC
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elwenyere on Chapter 1 Thu 27 Apr 2023 05:03AM UTC
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