Today I Fell, and Felt Better
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Summary
He thinks of Ilya’s commanding tone: “Hollander, here”, “take it for me”, or Shane’s personal favorite, “kneel.” Shane, through all these years, has been amazed that to Ilya these little commands are so casual, just a part of fucking for him. To Shane, these words are all consuming. They shut off the hyperactive part of his brain and he can just… enjoy. Ilya takes over, makes Shane feel good, uses Shane to feel good, and Shane goes gooey for it every time. He’s never known peace like getting railed by Ilya Rozanov.
Shane knows you can't eat your cake and have it, too. He knows that asking too much of Ilya would be plain selfish. Knows that asking to be told exactly what to do so he can shut his brain off isn't normal. And Ilya... well he doesn't think Shane knows shit.
Series
- Part 1 of Today I Fell, and Felt Better
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“So… you’ve tried stuff. Stuff we haven’t tried yet…”
There isn’t a clear question in any of this, yet. Ilya has never thought Shane was the type to care about body count, so he assumes this is about something other than his past proclivities.
“Shane. Is there question in there, somewhere?”
“I’m just curious! Like, were you, y’know, bossy with other people?”
“Usually. If that’s what they wanted. I have always liked it,” Ilya shrugged.
Shane took a moment, visibly digesting that in his head. Eyebrows scrunched, eyes locked onto the crease between the couch cushions. Ilya pats his knee, giving him a moment.
“Have you tied someone up?” He finally asks, quietly.
Shane is just trying to get used to asking for what he wants, alright?
Series
- Part 2 of Today I Fell, and Felt Better
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When Shane trudges through the door of his apartment, late from practice, hair still wet from the showers, shedding his bag off with a huff, and dropping to his knees in front of Ilya with a muttered, “please be, like, so fucking mean to me,” Ilya is given pause.
Or: Shane can be as frustrated as he wants, but he's just too good to brat.
Series
- Part 3 of Today I Fell, and Felt Better