Capria
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Summary
A loving homage to one of my favorite fics, Not A Mounted Dildo (But A Fuck Machine).
Excerpt:
Crowley was staring blankly at the kettle as it began to heat up when an idea came to him. What if - rather than sneak around each other and act like masturbation was secretive and taboo - they just did it out in the open, at the same time? They were both straight, so it wasn't like it would change anything between them, and Crowley was sure he'd heard stories of straight men getting together to watch porn and jerk off. Yeah, that was the perfect solution! Now all he had to do was get Aziraphale on board. He heard the shower cut off and poured himself a cup of coffee as he considered his pitch.
"Angel!" Crowley's greeting was full of cheer, his smile bright as he handed Aziraphale a perfectly crafted cup of tea.
Aziraphale narrowed his eyes in distrust, "...what do you want?"
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,937
- Chapters:
- 6/6
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- 2
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Bookmarked by Capria
24 Aug 2026
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- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,582
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 3
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Bookmarked by Capria
24 Aug 2026
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Summary
“I’m going to ask you questions. You’ll answer, truthfully, but only with a yes or no.” He paused when he was directly behind the angel, well within his bubble but not quite touching. Yet. He closed the last of the distance until his lips were just barely brushing up against the shell of the angel’s ear. He heard a sharp intake of breath, but otherwise Aziraphale remained quiet and still. Crowley’s voice came out lower now - sultry, barely above a whisper, deliciously tempting. “Are you ready?”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,936
- Chapters:
- 3/3
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- 1
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- 49
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Bookmarked by Capria
24 Aug 2026
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Summary
Crowley has figured out how to shift being an escort into Easy Mode. His plan is to coast along for a year or two while he spins up something more long term. Unfortunately, the universe has plans of its own.
Aziraphale stares down the barrel of another string of high-falutin family fêtes, and decides he wants to shake things up this year. An opportunity arises that allows him to do just that.
*slaps the roof of this fic* this bad boy can fit so many tropes in it! We've got Escort AU, we've got fake/pretend relationship. Only one bed! Fucking while pining! Idiots in love! Quotes from the show! Anathema being exasperated! Not a lot of angst! If you're looking for something to heal you from season two or three, I highly suggest you check it out.
Update 7/28/26 - Removed empty chapter. Note chapters post chapter 4 have shifted down one.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 73,784
- Chapters:
- 25/25
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- 2
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- 379
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- 107
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- 10,992
Bookmarked by Capria
23 Aug 2026
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When Sunshine Kisses You by anna_sun
Fandoms: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens - All Media Types
07 Jun 2026
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Summary
Aziraphale steps out of his comfort zone and books a two-week holiday at a nudist resort, hoping to escape the mundanity of his life and learn to love himself in ways he’s never quite known how to.
Crowley’s been a regular at Eden Hotel & Spa for a long time, staying for an entire month every summer in order to relax his body and mind from the never-ending stress of his corporate job.
When they meet, sparks fly. But is this just a summer fling? Or is it only the beginning of their story?
(Spoiler: It’s only the beginning.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 45,762
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 427
- Kudos:
- 331
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- 74
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- 5,264
Bookmarked by Capria
12 Aug 2026