Char23
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If He Talks Shit, Then I’ll Bang Him (Bang Him) by Char23 for Timothée Chalamet & EsdeeKid
Fandoms: Rap - Fandom, Scouse - Fandom, rappers - Fandom, Actors - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, Marty Supreme (Movie 2025), The 1975 (Band), Heated Rivalry (TV), Heated Rivalry (TV) RPF, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller, The Iliad - Homer, Love Island (US TV) RPF, The Odyssey (Movie 2026), The Debut: Dream Academy (TV 2023)
06 Aug 2026
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Summary
EsDeeKid is running an underground drug ring, until one fateful night at a club, where he hears Timothee Chalamet talking shit about him. Timothee is upset because he keeps being compared to EsdeeKid, saying that “I can sell drugs better than him, I can rap better than him” and EsdeeKid overhears. He decides that (as mentioned in one of his lyrics in the song, Phantom) “if he talks shit, then I’ll bang him.” Leading to a heated rivalry esque sex scene and it happens for many years until they fall in love. But then, they take a 23&me test and find out theyre cousins, the end.