1 - 20 of 24 Works by TheoreticallyAnAuthor
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'Placing both hands over his mouth in a peculiar fashion, Kenobi inhaled deeply and let out an unearthly howl that made Luke jump. "That ought to keep any laggards running for a while yet," the old man concluded with satisfaction.
"That's a krayt dragon call!" Luke gasped in astonishment. "How did you do that?"
"I'll teach you sometime, son. It's not too hard. Just takes the right attitude, a set of well-used vocal cords, and a lot of wind."'
-A New Hope, George Lucas
Anakin teaches his master the Tatooine equivalent of birdcalling.
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"Hey, Wil."
Tommy stood at his brother's shrine, head bowed, with his hands stuffed in his jeans' pockets. They'd been shaking, earlier. Now they held still.
"Day, what, fifty-two, now? Something like that. Not like it fucking matters, does it."
"I'm dying tomorrow."
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On the eve of his death, Tommy visits his brother. One last time.
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There is somebody else in the museum. Wilbur tenses unwillingly at the pinprick feeling of eyes on the back of his head. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he practically snarls. Tommy flinches next to him.
Eret dips their head in greeting, unaffected, where they stand barely past the grand entrance. “This is my museum. What do you think?”
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A chance encounter in a museum leads to an opportunity for Wilbur and Eret to leave their bitter past behind and make amends. Of course, with one of them completely unwilling to let go, it doesn't quite go that way.
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Brother, I'm Sorry (for what I'm about to do) by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
28 Dec 2021
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“We’re gonna live tomorrow, Wil, yeah?” Tommy mumbled into his brother’s shoulder, feeling him stiffen under him. It was as though he’d stopped breathing altogether, and for a moment, Tommy was worried he had died right there. And then Wilbur took a shuddering breath, and pulled him in closer. “Nobody’s gonna die. Who does Manburg have, Dream? We have Techno, and everybody else. It'll be fine. Nobody's gonna die."
“Okay,” Wilbur finally breathed out. “Yeah. It’ll be fine.”
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On the eve of November 16th, two brothers have a talk. It feels too much like goodbye.
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A Cat a Day Keeps the Creepers Away by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
25 Dec 2021
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Creepers fear cats, keeping a minimum distance of six blocks away at all times. Even when pursuing a player, if said player has a tamed cat by their side, they will not approach, nor begin detonation. Cats are thus a valuable companion for any potential explorer who may not be able to handle these living bombs in close-range combat. Any player fearing a creeper's explosions is advised to always keep a cat nearby.
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Wilbur is in sore need of a cat, even if he doesn't quite realize it yet.
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Do Not Stand by my Grave (I am Not There) by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
17 Nov 2021
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“It’s been a year,” Wilbur said, barely a murmur. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and rested his head on them, staring out at the remnants of his country laying ahead, bathed in the morning sun's light. Eret nodded solemnly next to him.
“It has.”
“A year since I destroyed it. A year since,” he swallowed, suddenly struggling to speak, “I died."
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On the anniversary of L'Manburg's second destruction, two traitors have a talk.
Or, Wilbur never got a grave, did he.Series
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I Can't Let You In (Not Again) by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
07 Nov 2021
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The wind gusted. Rain poured harder. Wilbur glanced up at the sky, a frown creasing his brow, and said, “You can’t walk home in this, man. It’s miserable.” Tubbo shrugged. What else was he supposed to do, wait alone in Quackity's creepy restaurant for the storm to blow over? No thank you. “C’mon, you can crash at my place until it lets up.” And he was already off, his back to Tubbo, hands in the pockets of his billowing trenchcoat.
“I don’t- I should really go, Wilbur-!” Tubbo called. It was true; he needed to get back home to his son.
Wilbur turned, expectant. "It’s no big deal, Tubbo. Nothing owed, or anything. Just to get you out of the rain,” he said. Tubbo hesitated. He kind of really wanted to be with Michael, and kind of didn’t want to spend time with Wilbur. After a moment with no response, though, Wilbur’s expression turned pleading. “C’mon, man, please? It’s been ages since we’ve caught up.”
Tubbo internally sighed. “Just until the rain lets up.”
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Wilbur and Tubbo; on hot chocolates, difficult conversations handled poorly, ruined brotherhood, and the beginning of rekindled trust.Series
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Wilbur's ten times in the button room.
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Against any immediate observation, both Soot brothers are religious. And to the surprise of many, Tommy is the less devout one. He still is more pious than most, he shapes his routine around his deity, but it does not consume his life like Wilbur’s single-minded obsession with what he chooses to deem his ‘God,’ (not in so many words.)
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And Everyone Shall Sit Under Their Own Vine and Fig Tree by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
25 Sep 2021
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Resting his shaking hands holding the envelope on the podium, Wilbur gently peels open the wax seal emblazoned with the emblem of L’Manburg. Even over the roar of the crowd, he can clearly hear the wax unstick from the paper, and the rustling as he pulls out the sheet of results.
He gives it a once over with his eyes, then scans it again, keeping his face carefully neutral. He looks back up and clears his throat. The crowd falls silent save a few hushed murmurs as it echoes through the valley.
“And the winner of the 2020 L’Manburg election,” Wilbur pauses to lick his chapped lips, swallows once as his eyes flit over the numbers on the paper, double-checking that he hasn’t misread, “by one percent – with forty-six percent of the popular vote..."
"Is SWAG2020.”
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A no coalition/SWAG2020 wins AU
Series
- Part 4 of DSMP Canon Divergences
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Stars (Watching Over the Fallen) by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
13 Aug 2021
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Death changes a man.
Wilbur Soot sits outside his burger van and looks up at the stars. Death changes a man, and there is currently a little ghost sitting in his own personal Hell.
Don't get him wrong: Wilbur does not care for that pathetic little warped reflection of himself, not in any way, shape, or form. But it's hard to forget thirteen long years alone with only the occasional scathing words relayed through a dot matrix to keep you company.
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Wilbur stargazes and has a one-sided conversation with his dead ghost.
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“You owe me a favour, for getting you out of Limbo," Dream said. "What do you say,” he leaned in close, and Wilbur shuddered, pulled away, “you get me out of here? An eye for an eye.”
Wilbur made a big show of mulling it over, considering. Then, he looked him in the eyes, grinned wickedly, and said, “Nah, I don’t think so.”
“What?” Dream snapped viciously, expression dangerous and confused, like a cornered animal. Oh, this was fun. “What do you mean, no? You owe me. I’m your hero, you said so yourself.”
“Yup! And I’m the villain,” Wilbur reminded him brightly.
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Wilbur visits Dream in the prison. It doesn't go quite as he expected.
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Birthday Crossbows and Homebaked Cakes by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
13 Jul 2021
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“You never told me when your birthday was,” Tommy said, and Wilbur sighed. He wouldn't be getting out of this. He cast his mind back – they’d stopped in another village five days after Tommy’s own birthday, and it was three since they’d left that, so…
“Huh." Wilbur blinked. “I think it’s today.”
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Wilbur's birthday, through the years.
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Man in the (Shattered) Mirror by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
12 Jul 2021
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"Did it work?" Tommy asked, pressing forward. "Wil?"
The man on the ground groaned and wiped his face on his sleeve. "No," he said, "'m Ghostbur."
"Oh." Tommy tried to push past the strange mix of relief and disappointment blooming in his chest. Phil opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a voice from behind the huddled group.
"What the fuck?"
There, in all his trenchcoat-clad, bloody-shirted glory, was Wilbur.
After a resurrection attempt gone wrong, the SMP is left with several Wilburs running around, all from various stages of his life. They need to figure out how to rejoin them all, but the one they call Vilbur seems determined to cause problems on purpose.
[prompt by @patchwork-rambles on Tumblr] -
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Tommy padded over, raising a hand to knock politely, but froze before ever making contact with the wood. A strangled guitar strum sounded from inside, followed by a quiet, bit-out, “fuck!” and pencil scribblings on paper.
Tommy bit his lip. By all means, he should let know Wilbur he was here. It was the right thing to do. But… he didn’t want to interrupt. Even before L’Manberg, Wilbur had been very insistent on not being disturbed while songwriting.
And it had been so long since he’d heard him play.Based on the headcanon that c!Wilbur wrote Jubilee Line about his time in the afterlife.
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“Tommy, please-” Wilbur’s voice cracked, and what he said next came out much more fragile than he wanted. “You’re all I have left.” Tommy froze, and a burst of hope bloomed in his chest. “Please don’t leave.”
When his brother turned to face him, though, that hope dissipated like fog under the morning sunlight. Righteous anger lit his face like a beacon. Then, it changed. Confusion, pain- realization?
Tommy’s mouth hung slightly open, eyes wide and he breathed out, “you’re scared.”
Wilbur let out a startled laugh. Him - scared? He didn’t feel fear anymore. Not since he'd buried all his emotions away, so many long years ago. Not since he'd died. “I’m not fuckin’ scared, Tommy,” he scoffed.
Wilbur fucks up big-time, gets friend-dumped, and then finally decides to take his chance at redemption.Series
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“We are gathered here today," Tubbo's voice reverberated through the courthouse, "for the trial of former President Wilbur Soot, wanted for his crimes of terrorism in the explosion of L’Manburg one month ago, resulting in several hundred injuries, no deaths, and extensive property damage. Wilbur, to the stage, please."
The trial of one Wilbur Soot, after having survived the button room. [Wilbur lives AU]
Series
- Part 3 of DSMP Canon Divergences
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I'm Counting Sheep but Running Out by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
09 Jun 2021
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Wilbur couldn’t sleep.
By all accounts, he should've been able to, exhausted after a long day at work. His mind just didn't want to shut up, bombarding him with thoughts and memories of all the people he cared about injured and dying. Especially Tommy.
Logically, he knew the kid was fine. Logically, he was asleep in his bed, just a few rooms over, and Wilbur would’ve heard him leave if he’d left. Logically, nothing could have happened to him. But his heart didn’t seem to care about logic, with the way it jackrabbited in his throat.
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“You said,” Tommy started slowly, “that talking through emotions is good, right? Helps you identify them and move on and shit?”
Puffy nodded. “Yeah, of course.”
“I,” he kept his gaze steady on the wall over her shoulder, a frown on his face, “I don’t think Wilbur ever told me how he felt. Before he died.”Therapy, a difficult conversation about past relationships and responsibility, and a two-way shovel talk with an older brother.
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Fill Your Heart with the Wine of Rebels by ace_enderchest (TheoreticallyAnAuthor)
Fandoms: Dream SMP
09 May 2021
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The port town of L'Manberg is marked by a profound inequality. Those with money and power live well, while those less fortunate are relegated to the slums where they live, work, and die.
Somewhere on the border between these two is Niki's Bakery, nestled between a bookstore and a cobbler.During the day, it's thrumming with people of all classes and walks of life as they come to get the one thing that unites them all: good food. It grants them all sanctuary from the tough life that awaits them outside, turning rich and poor equal.
But two evenings a week, after everyone has left for their houses and families, the bakery becomes something else: The home of a revolution.[A Dream SMP Les Miserables AU]
Series
- Part 1 of DSMP Les Miserables AU