constipatedmuse
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Recent works
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Summary
Reader gets a migraine at work. Robby helps the reader, and when she's feeling better, Robby *helps* the reader.
(Reader is described as having curly hair long enough to play with. If your hair is straight, feel free to imagine you curled it, but I'm tired of reader-inserts running fingers through their hair. That's just not possible for some of us.)
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Brainy recently joined the DEO. You take out some anger on a White Martian, and Brainy is impressed and a little terrified.
I marked it teen because there is a suicide mention. It's a childhood friend, and it's literally just mentioned that that's how he died. There's nothing gory or detailed, but it's totally cool if you wanna skip. I'm just working through my own issues here.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,701
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 18
- Hits:
- 184
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Summary
this is a quick blurb i wrote and have no idea what to do with.
Series
- Part 4 of I am the Rimmer simp
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Klaus Can't Be Tortured Because You Tortured Him as a Kid, Veggie by constipatedmuse
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
06 Apr 2021
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Summary
Christopher tries to torture the Umbrellas, but it turns out Klaus is un-tortureable because of the crap Veggie put him through as a kid. Klaus then throws a monkey wrench into Veggie's "new and improved" team.
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Summary
I didn't plan to make this pro-Ace. I actually rewrote it a couple of times, trying to make him the bad guy, but the parallels to Backwards (the novel) kept popping up, so I said "smeg it" and steered into the curve.
Series
- Part 3 of I am the Rimmer simp
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,148
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Kudos:
- 39
- Hits:
- 659
Recent series
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Summary
a bunch of unrelated simpings. I'm sure I'll keep adding to it.
- Words:
- 13,365
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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how many morons does it take to stop the apocalypse? by constipatedmuse
Fandom The Umbrella Academy (TV)
15 Sep 2020
Summary
Reader is a Commission agent.
- Words:
- 2,507
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
The keen-eyed detective who had recently joined the Phantom Thieves noticed your feelings for him. So, during one of your weekly escapades to Mementos with your thieving friends, he decided to show you just how he felt about you while you were lost in one of the pitch black floors of Mementos.
After your little moment with him, he invited you over for a second round at his apartment. You couldn't deny the fact that you were excited to learn what he would do to you when you were alone.
Series
- Part 2 of Oneshots to practice my writing
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
23 Aug 2026
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Summary
Akechi Goro smiled, a kind, gentle thing.
And you knew you were fucked.
It’s been a couple of years since the temporary disbandment of the Phantom Thieves. Your dreams had quietly fizzled out while everyone else found success and, ashamed, you left Tokyo without telling anyone. You planned on living the rest of your days in dull monotony, unaccomplished and unfulfilled. The kind of life you deserved.
You hadn’t planned on being hunted down with such enthusiasm.
Series
- Part 1 of That Phantasmal Thing We Chase
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
23 Aug 2026
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The Astrobiology Immersion Program by startingatmidnight
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary (2026), Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir, Andy Weir's Project Hail Mary - All Media Types
10 May 2026
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Summary
It's not every day you wake up with five arms and no eyes, but Ryland Grace stopped having normal days a very long time ago.
Series
- Part 1 of The Astrobiology Immersion Program
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,280
- Chapters:
- 7/7
- Comments:
- 3,039
- Kudos:
- 14,158
- Bookmarks:
- 4,572
- Hits:
- 161,612
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
19 May 2026
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This work isn't hosted on the Archive so this blurb might not be complete or accurate.
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Summary
Ken visits the real world after feeling like he needed connection he wasn’t finding in Barbieland, where he has met and befriended y/n. He has no place to stay, so you decide to let him stay with you until he can figure out things. You assume he is just a doll, definitely doesn’t have any, erm… well, genitals. And of course you find him fucking hot but never let him in on it….and then one day you come home to find Ken has innocently been watching a movie with a decently long sex scene in it, and….well, let’s say he is fascinated and encourageable.
- Bookmarks:
- 1
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
13 May 2026
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Safety First by lonelyhourglass47
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary (2026)
27 Apr 2026
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Summary
“Golly,” he says, and you catch the wince that paralyzes his face for a split second at his silly wording. “Do you really think that after all this time, I’m not absolutely dying to touch you?”
His lips fit perfectly with yours. His beard rasps against your chin and his nose bumps your cheek, and his bangs (if you can call them that) tickle your forehead, but this is how you want it. His kisses are so darn tender, his lips so smooth. His hand lands warm on your thigh, and when you shift to urge his fingertips toward your hip, he breaks the kiss with a soft pop and his eyes flit back and forth between each of yours.
“Are you,” he asks almost in slow motion, “wearing any clothes under my sweater?”
Your lips bloom into a smile. You shake your head.
Bookmarked by constipatedmuse
10 May 2026