probably_dead



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    11 Aug 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ilya was used to hazing. He had been subjected to it, he had participated in it, and, as a captain, he had stood guard over the rookies and protected them from anything truly harmful. But if he had been asked, Ilya would have approved of this prank. He would have authorized it, given Cliff and Vicky his seal of approval, perhaps even helped orchestrate it.

    Any other day, Ilya might have been happy to play along.

    But, in perfect dramatic irony, it had not happened any other day. It had happened today. And, cherry on top, of course the rookie had to walk in when Shane was already freaking out about Ilya saying his name.

    +++

    A prank-gone-wrong leads to the Boston Bears finding out about Shane and Ilya’s relationship in 2016. The day Ilya first invited Shane into his house. Right after they say each other’s names for the first time. Fuck his life, honestly.

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    11 Aug 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Svetlana: It’s really everywhere
    Hayden: Literally how much lube does one couple need
    Rose: Where have you guys found it?
    Cassie: Bathrooms, kitchen, living room, garage
    Rose: Oh the garage ones!!!
    Svetlana: Which ones did you find? The one on the opener or the ones in the toolbox? Or the one on the shelf?
    Troy: Garage ones, plural?

    ***

    Or, the friends of Hollanov make a game out of their lube hiding places, and everything spirals from there

    Or or, the lube fic

    Language:
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    04 Aug 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    I read this on my break at work. Huge mistake, almost could not muffle my laughter.

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “Luch-Shane,” Ilya says, catching himself only at the last moment before he breaks their no pet names in the workplace rule. “Why don’t you get some air, yes? We can-”

    Shane’s anxiety takes a quick backseat to annoyance once more, at being handled like a child instead of a grown man, like he hasn’t been doing this just as long as Ilya, like he needs someone to tell him when to take a break.

    Like he deserved to have everything taken away from him because he couldn’t handle it to start with.

    “I’m fine,” he says, voice icy.

    The step he takes away is too big, farther than he meant to get from Ilya’s side, and the air between them feels both charged and icy.

    He isn’t quite bold enough to try and fix it.

    (shane is married and on the same team as his husband) (and all it cost him was his whole career and the life he spent years building beforehand) (but it's fine, really) (it's all so very, very fucking fine)

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    04 Aug 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    04 Aug 2026