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If Skywise had doubts about leaving the Palace, they dissolve the moment his feet hit the ground beside Cutter. He doesn’t even know if Cutter will forgive him, but his heart already feels like it’s floating. He’s a bird freed from a thornbush, a spinner-seed on the wind.
Cutter drops the lodestone into his hand, and Skywise curls his fingers around his soul-brother’s, and that’s it. Forgiven. Welcomed. Home.
Just that simple.
By the time they reach the Forbidden Grove, his tribemates are acting like Skywise never left at all. Which is nice, but it prickles at him, too. It’s as if his presence or absence doesn’t even make a difference.
They care for him, but he is no one’s kin, no one’s mate. He’s always gone his own merry way, running with the pack but not tangling his life too closely with any other’s. Except for Cutter.
But Cutter shares his life with the whole tribe. And now Cutter has Leetah, and the cubs.
Skywise doesn’t begrudge his soul-brother one bit of the happiness Recognition has brought him. Doesn’t envy it, either. He’s never wanted his soul bound to another’s that way. Never wanted to depend on someone else for his joy, or be responsible for someone else’s. Looking after Cutter is more than enough responsibility, thank you very much.
He does understand why, when he needed Cutter to look after him, when he called to him, begged him. . .Cutter turned away. And he forgives Cutter; he does. He’s back at Cutter’s side where he belongs.
Except that right this moment, Cutter is supervising as the tribe settles into their new home, or he’s playing with his cubs, or embracing his lifemate, and Skywise is. . .alone.
I’m not alone as long as I can see the stars, he reminds himself, looking up at his old, familiar friends, who wink at him from the black sky. And just because he chose not to live in the Palace, that doesn’t mean he won’t someday fly among them.
The hilltop he’s discovered is lot like the spot he favored for watching the stars back in the Holt: long grass and springy moss to sit on, clear hole of sky visible above. He probably shouldn’t be out in the open tonight, especially not alone. This is new territory, mostly unexplored, and though the local humans think the place is guarded by demons, Cutter wants everyone alert and keeping to the trees until they get to know their new Holt better. It's a sensible order.
But Skywise has never been one to follow orders too closely. And Cutter won’t mind. Much. He knows Skywise too well to try to come between him and his heart’s love.
Skywise just wishes his soul-brother were here to share the stars with him.
As though his thoughts had summoning power, he hears a footfall behind him, but it’s not Cutter. It’s the tread of someone not used to stealth or walking through forest. Someone in a long coat of rustling cloth.
“Leetah?”
“May I join you?” She’s little more than a shadow, faintly outlined against the starglow. Even when she sits beside him, it’s hard to make out her dark face.
It’s nice, sitting here side by side in silence. Companionable. Except that Skywise can’t quite relax, because he’s not sure why Leetah’s here or what she wants from him. In the Sun Village, maidens who came to watch the stars with him were after something else—something he was only too ready to share with them. But not Leetah. She’s stuck as tight to Cutter as he is to her.
If it were Cutter sitting here beside him, he’d be here for company, or to talk out something that was on his mind. But Leetah’s never sought Skywise out for either of those things. Unless. . .
Unless it’s something about Cutter. Something she’s worried about. Or something he doesn’t want to tell me. . .
“They look the same,” she says after a while. “Your forest. . .everything is so different here. But the sky, the stars. . .they stay the same.”
“Not quite the same,” he tells her. “The stars turn with the seasons, but here, they’re a little bit out of place. I think it’s just because we’re looking at them from a different position, though.”
“The way the village looks different if you view it from your caves than from the Bridge of Destiny,” Leetah offers. “Maybe they think we’re the ones who are out of place.”
“If you think about it, we are,” says Skywise. “The High Ones never meant to live here. Just to visit.”
But Leetah shakes her head.
“Maybe this wasn’t their home then, but it’s ours now. Especially—especially you Wolfriders. This world is in your blood.” Her fingers brush the inside of his wrist, and his heart jumps a little at the unexpected touch.
“Skywise? Are we friends?”
That surprises him so much he can’t even feel hurt by it.
“Of course we are! You’re Cutter’s lifemate. That makes us kin, or nearly.”
“I know, and I’m. . .” Leetah sighs. “I don’t have any other kin here, just Cutter and the twins. My family, everyone I know and love, I’ve left them behind. Perhaps I’ll never see them again. The Wolfriders are my village now, but. . .” He hears the rustle as she shrugs. “I don’t belong.”
“You will,” he promises, touching her arm. “You have friends already: Nightfall, Redlance. . . “
“And you?” she asks. Her face turns to his, too shadowed for him to read her expression. Her voice, though, is more than expressive enough. Wistful, curious. . .and inviting.
The truth is, he and Leetah have been on good terms since she and Cutter settled down as lifemates, but nothing more intimate than that. He likes Leetah well enough, and she seems to genuinely like him, but what moments of connection they’ve had have been working together to look out for Cutter.
There’s a sympathy between them, though, he realizes. It’s been there almost since the beginning. Maybe it’s simply because they both love Cutter, that they understand each other.
Possibly Leetah understands him better, in some ways, than his own tribemates. Because he can tell that her question is as much an offer as a request.
“I’ll be your friend,” he answers. “Gladly.”
“Thank you.”
He hasn’t moved his hand from her arm; now hers covers his and presses it gently. Then she leans forward and nuzzles his cheek. Her night vision isn’t as good as his, he knows, but she has no trouble finding her mark.
The breeze feels chillier on his skin when she pulls away again. He’s suddenly very aware of her familiar scent, which is, yes, a little out of place among the odors of earth and tree and damp grass. He stops himself from reaching out to pull her close. Even if he thought she was offering more than friendship, Skywise is no Rayek. The last thing he wants is to shove in between Cutter and his lifemate.
From famine to feast. . .and back to famine, he thinks, remembering how easily he left his Sun Village lovemates behind to travel with Cutter. They’d planned to return after a turn of the seasons, little enough time for Skywise to go without lovemaking. And then there had been Aroree, and the Go-Backs, and then it all happened so quickly: the war and the Palace and settling in the Forbidden Grove, so far from where they started.
So he hadn’t thought until now about the fact that all the female Wolfriders are lifemated. Some have shared embraces with him now and then, but since. . .since Madcoil, lovemates for Skywise have been few. If staying here means Leetah is separated from her kin, and Strongbow and Moonshade from their son, it also means Skywise is separated from any chance at regular love-play.
“You know, Kahvi asked me if I share,” says Leetah softly.
“Share?”
“My lifemate. She admired Cutter’s body, his strength. For her—for many of the Go-Backs, I think—meeting the Wolfriders was an opportunity to strengthen their tribe with new blood. They conceive their children outside of Recognition; perhaps sharing partners often is their way of doing for themselves what Recognition does.”
“You told her yes.” Skywise remembers catching glimpses of Cutter and the Go-Backs’ chief, the night before the war. Remembers, too, that Cutter only accepted Kahvi’s advances after Leetah left the lodge in Rayek’s embrace.
“Her question reminded me of how angry I was when Rayek wanted to claim me for his own, entirely. Even before Cutter came. He never wanted to share my attentions with others, but I told him my heart was large enough to touch many. And besides, I was nobody’s but my own. I was angry with Cutter, too, for the same reason, when we first. . ." She shakes her head. "But since we became lifemates, I haven’t looked at any one else. Isn’t that strange?”
“Recognition does that to you, more often than not,” Skywise answers. His heart feels like it’s pounding in his throat, making it hard to swallow.
“But lifemates do share sometimes,” she says. “Clearbrook and—” She breaks off suddenly; One-Eye’s death is still a raw wound, and the not-quite-life that Leetah gave him. . .
“Yes, they did,” he says quickly. “Woodlock and Rainsong, too, and if anyone is bound by Recognition, it’s them.”
Leetah chuckles.
“And then there are those like Dewshine and Tyldak,” she adds, suddenly somber. “Bound by Recognition for the making of a cub, but without the desire, or the opportunity, to let love grow. I’m learning that Recognition is. . .more complicated than I first knew—or feared.”
“You went with Rayek,” he says, surprised by his own sudden anger on Cutter’s behalf. “At the Go-Backs’ lodge, before we left. I saw you.”
“Yes.” Her voice is calm and serious. “He is the friend of my heart. Like you and Cutter, though we had no soulnames to share. I was overjoyed to find he wasn’t dead after all. . .and I’d missed him, and he needed me. . .and Cutter didn’t mind. He knows, now, that Rayek isn’t a threat to him.”
Skywise privately wonders what it cost Cutter to let Leetah go with Rayek. When they first discovered Rayek was alive, when Leetah ran to him, Skywise was afraid. But Rayek brought her back and gave Skywise a silent promise not to fight for her again. . .and Leetah has shown no sign since then of regret that she chose Cutter. It was Skywise who chose to stay with Rayek and the Palace. Leetah didn’t even hesitate.
And didn’t that put a burr under Black-Hair’s tail? Thought he’d get her back after all, sweep her off to be magic-users together in the Palace of the High Ones and ended up stuck with a scrappy stargazing Wolfrider instead. One who prefers his lovemates female, at that.
Would’ve liked to see the look on his face, though, if I’d. . . The thought makes him snort with laughter.
“What?” asks Leetah, sharply. High Ones only know what she imagines he finds so funny all of a sudden.
“Sorry—sorry—nothing.” He can’t explain; Leetah doesn’t like people making fun of Rayek. Cutter would think it was funny, though. Maybe Skywise will tell him later.
“Nothing, hm?” Her voice is stern, but not angry. . .he can hear her smiling. She’s teasing him.
Which isn’t all that remarkable—at least, it wouldn’t be, if they were among others. In front of Cutter. Alone under the stars, in the soft grass. . .and she’s been talking about sharing pleasure with others, with Rayek, but Skywise isn’t Rayek. He’s not her dearest friend and first love. He’s Cutter’s best friend, and Cutter isn’t even here.
“Leetah, listen,” he says, not sure what the rest of the sentence is going to be, sitting up straighter and leaning away from her—but the touch of her fingers on his bare arm stops him.
“Skywise. . .I think I understand a little, now, how Rayek felt. When you and Cutter left Sorrow’s End, when I sent you off with him in my place. . .”
“You were—?”
“Jealous. Of you. Sharing something with him that I never. . .that I couldn’t. . .”
“You’re his lifemate, Leetah.” Skywise grasps her shoulder. “You don’t have to worry about—“
“I know.” They’re almost nose-to-nose, close enough that he can see her smile. “I always knew that, but I think now I’m beginning to understand it. And to realize that I don’t need to be afraid to share.” She leans in even closer, her breath warm on his cheek, and Skywise is paralyzed between the urge to pull away and the urge to taste her skin.
“You don’t need to fear, either,” she whispers in his ear. “I’m not the only one whose heart is large enough for more than one.”
What will I do without you? he remembers Cutter asking, before they embraced for what he’d thought would be the last time. Looking young and lost and miserable, and all Skywise had wanted to do at that moment was hug him and promise to make everything all right.
And earlier, the first time he and Cutter had set foot in the Forbidden Grove, almost the same words: If you had drowned in the Deathwater, I—I don’t know what I— Skywise had brushed that off with a joke, and then they’d found Leetah and the cubs, and Cutter had had eyes only for them, and Skywise had been glad he hadn’t said anything foolish.
“If he lost you. . .” Leetah murmurs, like an echo of his thoughts. “We don’t want to lose you.”
As her fingers touch his cheek, he closes his eyes and reaches out his mind in a half-panicked sending:
<<Tam?>>
Cutter’s reply is immediate. <<Here. Do you need me?>>
The thought is laced with affection and apprehension and hope. Skywise pictures the look his friend used to give Leetah sometimes, back when she was refusing to accept the call of Recognition. His cheeks go suddenly hot and his breath catches in his throat as he replies:
<<Yes.>>
<<Coming.>> Cutter sends before Skywise can ask.
Leetah laughs, rich and low.
“The two of you—?”
“Of course we talked about it,” she says, gripping his arm firmly enough to keep him in place. “He wasn’t sure you’d want to. But he can’t see the way the two of you look at each other.”
Their heads both turn before Skywise is aware of having heard anything. He sees Cutter slip out of the tree-shadows and stop a few paces away from them. His pale skin and hair glow with what little moonlight there is. Now and then there’s a glint from the gold at his neck or from his wide eyes, which are fixed on Skywise and Leetah.
Leetah shifts gracefully to sit behind Skywise, her hands on both his upper arms now, her breasts (cloth-covered but blood-warm) pressing lightly against his back, her breath stirring his hair. She’s not restraining him—her hold is very gentle, and he’s pretty sure that if he moved now, she wouldn’t stop him. It’s more like she’s showing him off, like a wolf-cub with its first catch.
Or offering him, like a gift.
The look in Cutter’s eyes, as he kneels down face-to-face with Skywise, says that he likes the gift very much. Skywise’s stomach clenches in anticipation or fear, he can’t tell which.
He shuts his eyes as Cutter’s fingers brush his cheek.
“Can I?” Cutter whispers, sounding nervous and hopeful and even younger than he actually is. Skywise swallows and nods, and Leetah’s arms slide comfortingly around his waist as Cutter’s warm mouth traces the line of his jaw.
The soft noise that comes out of his own throat sounds almost like pain. Cutter’s answering gasp is pure desire, and Skywise’s mind may be stunned, but his body knows how to respond to that. Eyes still closed, he reaches out to touch hot skin with one hand and twine the other into thick, soft hair. Leetah sighs approvingly in his ear, sending shivers up and down his spine. Her hands caress his chest as his hands explore Cutter’s. Cutter’s fingers tremble against Skywise’s cheek. Skywise can hear Cutter’s breathing, loud and quick and close. He turns his face to taste Cutter’s fingers, then pulls him close until the three of them are pressed together in one warm embrace.
This is a dance Skywise knows well: the joining of three bodies in pleasure. But he’s never—not with someone who knows him so well, not with someone he couldn’t bear to lose—he’s shivering and burning as if he has a fever, he can’t open his eyes, he doesn’t know what will happen to him if he looks, if he sees. Hands and mouths touch him everywhere, and he reaches out blindly—grasps the curve of a breast, licks the sweat from hard muscles, twines his fingers through curls of hair. He struggles for air, his chest feels as though it’s being crushed.
“It’s all right,” says Leetah, her voice sounding far away though her breath is warm on his cheek. He’s cradled against her, wrapped in her strong, gentle arms, almost as though she were healing him of an injury. “It’s all right to look.”
He opens his eyes to meet Cutter’s, wide and deep as the sky, staring down at him in wonder. Sweat glistens on his skin; tendrils of hair dangle around his face; the tip of his tongue peeks out from between his lips. He looks as wild as Skywise feels, but he’s so still, not coiled to spring, just waiting.
“Isn’t he beautiful?” Leetah murmurs, and Skywise can only groan between his teeth, his whole body trembling with the Yes he can’t say. She hugs him a little tighter—as if that could keep him from falling to pieces, and maybe it can; she’s a healer, after all. Cutter’s brows crinkle into a frown—confused, concerned—and no, this is ridiculous, he shouldn’t be looking like that, there’s nothing wrong with Skywise, nothing wrong here at all.
He reaches up and lays his hand on Cutter’s cheek. Cutter covers it with his own.
“We’re still us,” he whispers. “The same as always. Right?”
“R-right,” Skywise manages. The smile that spreads over Cutter’s face eases tightness in Skywise’s chest and throat.
He’s never demanded anything from Skywise that Skywise wasn’t willing to give, never pushed him too far, and he never will. What he will do is stand at the edge of a desert, an unknown forest, a human dwelling, a hidden mountain fortress, saying, I wonder what we’ll find in here. You’re coming with me, right, Fahr?
Just try to stop me.
Feeling a grin crack his face, Skywise buries both hands in Cutter’s mane.
“You ready to learn a few tricks from a master?” he teases.
Cutter’s burst of laughter sounds like he’s been running all night.
“Oh, I think. . .you’ll find. . .Leetah knows a few tricks. . .you haven’t seen before. . .” he murmurs as he runs his tongue along Skywise’s throat, jaw, ear.
“Is that so. . .healer?” Skywise tips his head back onto Leetah’s shoulder, baring his throat to Cutter’s tongue. He raises one hand to tangle his fingers in her curls, and she chuckles—a sweet, rich, sound, full of promise, and why has he never realized how very much he enjoys Leetah’s laughter?
“I’ll let you judge for yourself,” she says. And she does.
Afterwards, Cutter falls asleep, stretched out on his back in the grass with Leetah pillowed in one arm and Skywise in the other. Skywise rests his head on his friend’s chest, listening to his slow, strong heartbeat and trying not to think too hard about what will happen next. When Leetah delicately brushes the stray hair out of his eyes, he looks up at her.
“Uh. . .does he always. . . ?” He nods down at Cutter.
“Usually.” Leetah smiles. “I suppose we shouldn’t let him sleep here, though. Not that the camp is much more comfortable. Do you really sleep in trees?”
“Yes.” Skywise grins at her. “But don’t worry: once Redlance is done, you’ll have a nice, comfy den with a roof and walls. No danger of falling out.”
“Oh.” She sighs in relief, looking a little embarrassed. “I wasn’t looking forward to learning to roost.”
They get to their feet and help up a sleep-dazed Cutter, who mutters vague protests and flops against Leetah for support until she gives him a gentle shove that sends him stumbling into Skywise’s arms.
“You’re not really asleep, are you?” Skywise asks, shifting to support his soul-brother’s limp weight.
“Am so,” Cutter mumbles, draping himself over Skywise in what can’t be anything but a deliberate move.
“Fine, then you won’t care where we put you. I found a nice bed of stinkweed when I was scouting earlier.”
“No, you don’t, I don’t want to deal with the consequences of that,” says Leetah, mock-stern, as she arranges Cutter’s free arm over her own shoulders.
After a few staggering steps, Cutter stops pretending he can’t walk on his own, but he doesn’t let go his hold on either of them.