Chapter Text
Everyone has something that drives them forward. Something that makes getting out of bed each day worth it. Something that makes their mundane life mean something. It doesn’t have to be anything big, occasionally it’s the opposite. But it’s in the back of one’s mind daily, it’s the reason for it all; the momentum that keeps them moving—never pausing.
What once drove someone as a child might not necessarily be the same motivator as an adult. Ideas that were thought of as a teenager are as flightless as the rebellion stage that was once adopted to get back at their parents.
There is a limitless amount of reasons that might drive someone’s ideals or motivate their life. Some choose to strive for money while others might only chase happiness. Family could be the glue that holds their existence together or they may choose the solitude of independence that fills their life. There are some that crave power while other’s solely use peace as their inner fuel. Going through life as an adventure could be what drives some, while others choose a more passive approach. Love could be the predominant notion that energizes people, while knowledge pushes others. Attention can be the spotlight that some thrive on, while others need obscurity to function.
Everyone is different and their motivations are their own—something that no one can take away. Those who use peace shouldn’t look down on those who crave power. Doing something that is different doesn’t mean that it is wrong. While one may look at life in bright colours and shapes, their neighbour may only see hues of darkness and blobs. It is an individuality that becomes the underlying concept of humanity.
Observation is a keen tactic that can glean all kinds of perception. When one simply watches with an open mind and not an ounce of bias, there are lessons that can be alluded, and knowledge written clear as day.
As a young child, not given many opportunities in life, Harry’s salvation was observing others. Watching how they move, act and behave. So much can be said about a person simply by how they hold themselves. He watched his family, neighbours and even strangers. Watched how they lived and observed their interactions with others.
The most puzzling thing about people was the wide diversity that defines them all. He could sit at a nearby park and watch hundreds of people and not a single one of them would be the same as anyone else. Subtle things and shifting behaviours would always separate one person from another.
It takes a lot to define somebody and even more to understand them. Which is why Harry just didn’t like people. They were too unpredictable in some aspects, while horribly boring and foreseeable in others. They didn’t always fit certain moulds while other times they were the same as their neighbours. It led to a chaotic society but liberating at the same time.
The more he observed, the more he began to wonder what kind of person he was. Who would he shape into? What kind of mould would he represent? Would he be unique or just a prepackaged one that had been previously manufactured? Would he follow in other people’s footsteps or create his own? Listen to the power of others or find his own voice? A natural-born leader or perhaps a well-rounded follower? Who exactly was Harry Potter, and how did he find the answer to that?
Where was he supposed to discover just who he was?
Harry wanted to know if he would one day be driven by money like his Uncle or strive to conformity like their neighbours. Would attention influence him as it did his Aunt, or would gluttony be the answer like his cousin? Would he be unique with nothing to go off of? Draw up his own existence without a blueprint? Or would he be a simple mould that was used to cast hundreds of others?
The answer to life didn’t necessarily matter, it was how one got there that did. It was what motivates people that interested Harry. He didn’t care about the purpose of what his life was to be, but more what happened along the way.
Harry had always known that he was different. Observing others didn’t leave him with a blind spot to his own life. The way his family treated him had gone past explanations or even common sense. There was a hatred that seemed to go deeper than the surface of feelings that they showed.
The lack of care, love and affection towards Harry while the Dursleys showered Dudley with an excess of it all, led him to believe that he was supposed to resent this. He was supposed to grow up craving what was never given to him. It had taken a step back and a simple moment to observe his life as if he were observing strangers, to understand it all. If he was to do as he was supposed to, then he would form attachments to anyone who showed him an ounce of kindness. The emotions of finally having what had been missing would overcloud his judgment. Harry didn’t want to do as he was supposed to. He didn’t want to do as he was told. He didn’t want to be as predictable as the ones he watched. Harry didn’t want to be a casting built out of the same plaster as everyone else.
Whatever it was that caused the Dursleys to despise him didn’t matter at the end of the day. To Harry, it didn’t matter if they were justified or perhaps even mental. Whether they changed or not, wasn’t the issue. Their behaviour had already kick-started his path in life. Dwelling on their reasons would get him nowhere. What did matter, was what he did going forward.
The Dursley’s told him that he was abnormal and would amount to nothing. So, Harry decided to do the opposite. They told him that he would end up the same way as his parents. So, he decided to prove them wrong. They told him he wasn’t smart. So, he studied until he could honestly say he had surpassed them. They told him that Dudley would always be better than him. So, he buckled down until it was obvious that they were wrong. They told him that he was a freak. So, he refused to take that as an insult. They told him that without them, he would be nothing. So, Harry decided that despite the Dursleys, he would prevail. Despite what they thought of him, he would make it out on top.
After coming to his conclusions, Harry realized that he found his motivation in life. Money, happiness, love, power, peace; none of that is what would propel him forward. Attention, family, obscurity, adventure; none of that would influence who he was.
Spite. That is what would define him. Being told how he would live his life, when it should happen or how it should be done, would guarantee that he would do the opposite. In spite of what people thought of him, he would prevail. In spite of the negativity surrounding him, he would succeed. Everyone could keep their materialistic possessions that motivates them, they could keep their money and even their fame. He wanted none of it. Spite was the answer to who he was. Spite was the thing that kept him going and spite would be the answer to everything.