Chapter Text
He has been a desperate man since she left.
He felt as if she left him personally and not their people.
As if she took a piece of his heart and soul with her when she left, ripped straight from his chest.
He fights with everyone.
He has punched every guard at least once, some twice.
Most people just stay away from him now.
"Dad's no fun anymore" he hears the delinquents say on occasion. They are right.
He feels alone. He bares it too. He killed them all too, children, women and men, he did it together with her. He pulled that lever with her. Yet, he bares the pain alone now.
Sleeping alone at night, he feels as if he would be betraying her if he has his usual flings. "Her"...he can't even say her name out loud without gasping for air.
He barely eats, barely sleeps. His eyes look glazed as if at any moment they could burst into tears.
He is exhausted. The weight of all that has happens continually weighs him down emotionally. He feel he is utterly alone without her.
A month in Miller talks to Kane. "Bellamy is killing himself" he opens with. "He is drowning and I don't know how to save him. Can you help? I am desperate here man." He pleads.
Kane inquires, "It's her isn't it?" Miller hesitantly nods.
Kane sighs and shakes his head. "Heavy is the heart that is lost" pats Miller on the shoulder as he walks out the door.
Kane finds Bellamy in the makeshift gym in the ark.He watches as Bellamy is pummeling the punching bag with all his might. It is late, and the room is empty save for Bellamy. He is covered in sweat and his hands in blood. He looks lost and sad like the whole weight of the world is on his shoulders.
Kane enters the room, "Heavy is the crown."
Bellamy looks up and glares at Kane. "What?"
"Want to go a round?" Kane asks with his fists up.
Bellamy nods and starts circling.
Bellamy runs and leaps at Kane and lands the first punch, nearly knocking him out. Kane falls but recovers quickly.
"Don't hold back on my account." Kane tells him.
"I won't" Bellamy seethes through his teeth.
Kane lunges and throws a punch, Bellamy dodges. Bellamy hits Kane with an uppercut. Then swings left into his chest.
They spar until Kane taps out. They are both are on the floor, sweaty and bloody.
Kane wipes his bloody mouth and takes in a sharp breath.
"Son, you need to take care of yourself." Kane continues.
"I am fine" Bellamy says sternly as he wipes away some sweat and blood from his face.
"You don't have to bare it all for us. You saved your people, our people over and over. You made the hard decisions that saved lives" Kane continues.
"Fifty six are dead." Bellamy responds
"Yes, but forty four are alive thanks to you. Fourty Four Bellamy!" Kane exclaims.
"I didn't do it alone." Bellamy whispers as he hangs his head.
"You kids have been through so much. I know you care about her, everyone does." Kane says.
"I am not everyone" Bellamy says.
"No, you are not son. You need to stay strong...for her" careful not to say her name, as he grasps Bellamy's shoulder. "We all miss her. You both lead valiantly. I am astonished at all you two did. Born leaders. It is hard to step down from that position I know."
"She is...she was much more to me than that...we were never just leaders...we were..." Bellamy's eyes glaze as his tears threaten flow over, "I just don't know how to do this alone" he sighs as single tear streak down his cheek.
"You are not alone. We are all in this together." Kane tells him.
"All of you? But not her." Bellamy whispers.
"I know she cares for you, you know that in your heart." Kane tells him.
"Not enough to stay." Bellamy confesses. "I wasn't enough for her."
"There's this pain in my chest every day. It's like ... it's like I need her to breath." Bellamy cries and breaks down.
"I know, I know." Kane comforts. "It's okay"
Kane says to himself, "Sometimes I forget these are just a bunch of kids." as he lets Bell cry on his shoulder.
"You have spent your whole life protecting people and taking care of everyone else but yourself. Son, now you need to take care of you. Right now, I need you to be strong, you need you to be strong, for her." Kane counsels.
"We will find her." Kane reassures. "First thing in the morning you will lead a search party. First, you need to eat and get some sleep. Focus on her, be strong for her...be the man she knows you can be. Can you do that?"
Bellamy wipes his eyes. "I will...for her" He eats his plate of double rations Kane brought him, with a renewed strength.
Kane smiles and pats his shoulder. "Good, good!" And walks away.
Bellamy pauses as he eats "I will find you...and never let you go again" he whispers as he closes his eyes.