Work Text:
Maybe it's too late
But this feelin' is runnin' through my soul
I think I learned what love is, but I'm afraid I let it go
Derek's been in love before but he doesn't think he knew what it meant to really love someone until he fell in love with Stiles. As much as he cared for Paige he doesn’t think that was ever love. Kate had just been a pretty face that manipulated him, same with Jennifer, but neither one of those were love either. He barely dated after the fire, never allowed himself to really get close to anyone like that. He barely even had hookups because the thought of someone touching him like she did made his skin crawl. Braeden had been fun, but both of them understood that their relationship was never anything serious, just a way to pass the time. If he was honest with himself Braeden had just been a way to distract himself from Stiles.
Stiles had been a surprise. He noticed his attraction to Stiles the moment he saw him in the preserve but had pushed it aside, claimed it as just physical and ignored it. He didn’t want to go there. He wouldn’t. It was easy when he thought it was just attraction. He’d been ignoring his attraction to people for years. But no one had ever enraptured him in the way Stiles did, and still does.
Then they got closer, they kept saving each other's lives. A once reluctant acquaintanceship blossomed into friendship. The pull to Stiles became stronger. The need to be around him, to know he was safe. He found himself watching Stiles more, smiling at his jokes, buying him curly fries during stake outs just to see Stiles’ eyes light up every time.
It wasn’t until one night during Stiles’ senior year that it hit Derek. Stiles had managed to convince Derek to go to the movies with him and Derek had agreed. He said it was so Stiles would shut up about having no one to go with him but from the look Stiles gave him Derek knew Stiles didn’t believe him. He didn’t believe himself. He knew it was because he didn’t want to disappoint Stiles and would take any opportunity to hang out with him.
It’s when they’re parked outside the Stilinski house after the movie, Stiles talking excitedly about the movie in the passenger seat, eyes bright and a brilliant grin on his face that Derek realizes just how screwed he is. Because he’s in love with Stiles. It hit him so suddenly that his breath had caught in his throat and Stiles had stopped speaking, looking at Derek concerned. Derek had waved him off, telling Stiles to go on. Stiles had studied Derek’s face for a moment, eyes narrowed, before he shrugged and went right back to talking to him.
Derek thought that would be it but he felt Stiles watching him more and more after that night, always with that same curious expression. Stiles never said anything though so Derek thought he was safe.
Except on the day of Stiles’ graduation Stiles runs right up to Derek and throws his arms around Derek’s neck, kissing him right in front of everybody. Derek is thrown for a moment before his brain restarts and he quickly wraps his arms around Stiles, pulling him closer. They only pull apart when the Sheriff clears his throat from next to them. When Stiles pulls away he’s grinning, laughing at the way that Derek blushes. He leans in close, kissing Derek quickly before speaking to where only Derek can hear him, “I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”
Derek grins back at him, “Me too.”
“I know,” Stiles says, laughing when Derek raises an eyebrow, “Dude, you’re not exactly subtle. I’ve thought you felt the same for a while but just weren’t doing anything about it because I was still in high school. Then that night a few months ago after the movies I caught you looking at me, and just… the expression on your face. I’m used to seeing that same look on Scott’s face when he’s in love. Not that you’re in love with me….”
“I am,” Derek says, cutting Stiles off, “I love you. I'm in love with you.”
“Good,” Stiles grins, “Because I love you too.”
Derek grins right back at him, turning his head when he hears a muttered finally from Lydia. Stiles rolls his eyes, but pulls himself away from Derek to face his friends and his Dad. He doesn’t go far though, taking Derek’s hand in his own and lacing their fingers together. No one in the pack looks remotely surprised by what just happened.
Maybe it's too late
Maybe you've already changed your mind
Turned lovin' into leavin'
And I'm on the outside
Things are great after that, or at least Derek thinks they are. Sure, he and Stiles still argue from time to time. They wouldn’t be them if they didn’t but it’s more light hearted than actual fighting. Still, Derek knows Stiles is struggling. He might fool everyone with his smiles and laughter but Derek can tell when the smiles are too big and the laughter too forced to be genuine. Derek knows because Derek’s been there. He’s been the one faking the smiles and forcing the laughter until he just gave up on trying. He doesn’t want that for Stiles. So he tries. He tries to do what he can to make Stiles happy, to make him laugh, to show that he cares.
He still knows Stiles is struggling with everything he’s had to face. He still has nightmares, though he rarely talks about them. Derek gets that too. He hated talking about everything that happened to him until he started seeing a therapist. Even then it had taken weeks for him to open up. He’s thought about suggesting Stiles talk to someone, anyone, if he doesn’t want to talk to Derek but he isn’t sure how to go about it.
Truthfully, Derek should have known something was going to happen. He should have seen it coming. Stiles has been more distant the past week and has had this sad look in his eyes whenever he looks at Derek thinking Derek doesn’t know he’s looking. Or maybe he does and just doesn’t care. It still catches him off guard when he shows up at his apartment to see Stiles there. Stiles being there without him isn’t strange. Derek had given him a key weeks ago. It’s the sad look in his eyes and the bag packed at his feet that makes Derek’s steps falter. Derek wants to turn around and walk out, stop whatever this is before it has a chance to happen. But he doesn’t. Instead, he steps further into the room and closer to Stiles. Stiles is watching him, eyes wary, but he doesn’t say anything. Not yet. So Derek takes a deep breath and speaks, wincing at the way his words catching in his throat, “Stiles. What’s going on?”
Stiles clears his throat, glancing around the room, not meeting Derek’s eyes, “I need to leave for a while.”
“Okay. Where to? I could go with you…”
“No,” Stiles says, finally meeting Derek’s eyes with his own tear filled one, “No. I have to do this alone. And I…” Stiles clears his throat, his voice breaking despite how strong he’s trying to be, “I think we should break up.”
“What? Why?” Derek’s eyes widen as he walks forward, hands outstretched towards Stiles, brow furrowing when Stiles shakes his head and backs away.
“I’m no good for anyone right now Der,” Stiles tells him, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this. It’s not fair to you.”
“Not fair to me? Are you saying you regret us being together?”
“Of course not! I love you, okay? I do. I just… I’m not okay. I haven’t been for a while. I thought I could be.”
“Then we’ll work on it, okay?” Derek takes Stiles hand, feeling a little relieved when Stiles doesn’t immediately pull away. “I can get you in touch with my therapist if you want? Whatever you need we can do it.”
Stiles takes a deep breath, a tear running down his cheek, “I need to do this myself Derek. I’m sorry. I… I need to find a way to be happy with myself. But I need you to know something. You make me happy. You do. This isn’t because I’m not happy with you. I just can’t base all my happiness on you. It’s not fair to either of us, but especially not you.”
Derek nods, head bowed as hot tears spill down his cheeks. Of all the things he thought would happen this wasn’t one of them. “I get it,” Derek tells him, offering Stiles a watery smile, “I understand why you need to do this. I’m sad, but I get it. You need to do what’s best for you Stiles.”
“This isn’t… I’m doing what’s best for us. I need to be better so I can be the person you deserve Derek.”
“You already are,” Derek mumbles, finally giving in and resting his forehead against Stiles’.
Stiles sighs, running a hand through Derek’s hair, “I know you think that. But I need to believe it. In order to do that I need to do some self-reflecting.”
“Where will you go?”
Stiles hand stills before it resumes running through Derek’s hair. Derek already knows Stiles isn’t going to tell him. “I’m not sure, not exactly. I’m just going to do some traveling. It’s not just you I won’t be telling. No one will know. Well, except for my Dad. But he’s the only one I know that won’t come and try to track me down.”
“I wouldn’t,” Derek mumbles, but he knows it’s a lie. He knows if he really started missing Stiles and he knew where Stiles was he would be there in an instant.
Stiles snorts and Derek knows he’s thinking the same thing, “Of course you would. Knowing you, you’d revert back to your old ways and just watch from a distance.”
Derek shakes his head, causing their noses to brush together, “If I miss you like I know I’m going to I don’t think I’d be able to keep my distance,” Derek admits, closing his eyes against the storm of emotions he’s feeling. “Which is why you shouldn’t tell me.”
“I’ll be back,” Stiles tells him, voice soft, “I promise you I’ll be back. But I don’t know when. Or how long this will take. That’s why I can’t ask you to wait for me.”
Derek’s eyes snap open to meet Stiles’ brown ones. Derek can’t fight it anymore. He leans in, kissing Stiles’ fiercely. “You might not ask me to, but I’ll wait. However long it takes Stiles. I’ll wait,” he places another kiss to Stiles lips, not sure if the salt he tastes is from his tears or Stiles’, maybe both at this point. “I love you. I’ll always wait for you.”
But your laughter and your tenderness
Will never disappear
It’s not easy. Derek barely sleeps more than a few hours a night anymore, always waking up with his hand stretched across the bed reaching for someone that’s no longer there. Derek isn’t surprised when one of his pillows disappears and is replaced with Stiles’ own. He knows Stiles did that as much for Derek as he did himself. Still, after a couple weeks the smell of Stiles on the pillow has started to fade.
The first night he tries to sleep without Stiles’ scent on the pillow he wakes up with an ache in his chest until he finds himself sneaking into Stiles’ old room. The Sheriff finds him there later that night, asleep on the bed and wrapped up in Stiles’ blanket. He doesn’t say anything, just writes a note telling Derek to join him for breakfast in the morning.
When Derek gets downstairs the next morning and sees just how tired the Sheriff looks, he feels guilty. He’s been so wrapped up in how much he misses Stiles that he didn’t consider the effect that Stiles being gone would have on anyone else. Sure, John talks to Stiles at least once a week when Stiles calls to check in and tell him he’s still alive. But Derek knows it can’t be easy having Stiles alone and so far away.
It’s then that Derek decides enough is enough. Stiles is off trying to find himself and be happy. Derek can’t let himself go just because Stiles is gone. He needs to do something, be productive. He tells the Sheriff this and the man just smiles, “I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“About possibly coming to work for me at the station. You help out on an unofficial basis enough, I figure you might as well get paid for it,” John tells him, “You completed your training before Stiles left, Derek. The job’s been there waiting for you and it still is if you want it.”
Derek thinks about it for a moment before he smiles, “I’d like that.”
The Sheriff nods, “Good. You can come to the station later and we can get things started.”
It shouldn’t be that easy, but surprisingly it is. Derek had already completed his training before Stiles left. Not that Stiles knew that, he was planning to surprise him. He finds himself smiling when he puts on his uniform, imaging Stiles’ delighted laughter. Stiles had once joked about Derek becoming a deputy, saying how much he’d love to see Derek in the uniform. He wonders how Stiles would feel about him going through with it, if he’d be proud. Derek closes his eyes, taking a deep breath when his mind starts imagining Stiles’ tenderly stroking his face wearing one of his private smiles. This isn’t the time to go there.
He checks himself over in the mirror one last time before grabbing his keys, making sure he has everything, and heading out the door. Just because he knows the Sheriff doesn’t mean he wants to be late for his first day working as a deputy. To make things easier, the Sheriff pairs Derek up with Parrish. Derek knows that part of the reason is that they’re both part of the supernatural world so if a crisis comes up they’ll be well suited to handle it together, rather than by themselves with a human partner who doesn’t know what they’re facing.
He falls into a routine after that. He wakes up, goes to work, and comes home. Sometimes he has dinner with the Sheriff or with Lydia who insists that Derek get out of the house more. When he’d told her he didn’t actually live in a house yet she’d just glared at him until Derek had grabbed his things and followed her out the door.
The worst nights are the ones where his body is exhausted but his mind is still running, plaguing him with thoughts of Stiles. It’s not that he doesn’t want to think about Stiles, because he does all the time. But on these nights where Derek is already drained the thought of Stiles makes him ache. He remembers his laughter, the way his hands felt on his skin, and the soft kisses he would place all over his face when he was happy. He just misses Stiles. And it’s overwhelming the longing he feels.
When he walks into the station the next day after one of those sleepless nights the Sheriff is waiting for him with a warm cup of coffee and a sympathetic smile. He just pats Derek on the shoulder on his way into the office, “He misses you too, son.”
Derek nods his thanks, offering a small smile before taking a sip of his coffee and walking off to find Jordan. No matter what else is happening or how he’s feeling he still has a job to do.
I know it's not too late
to turn around and get it straight
It's my fate to have you here with me
Having a solid job makes Derek think about other areas of his life that need more stability. The most important one being having an actual home. He’d been thinking about it for a while, the thought becoming more persistent when he and Stiles started dating and he realized he might finally get the future he always wanted with Stiles. With the help of the Sheriff, Derek had managed to buy back the ownership to the old Hale land and had begun plans to rebuild the house not far from where the old one once stood.
He hadn’t told Stiles yet, wanting to wait until things were final before giving him the news. Then Derek had come home to find Stiles ready to leave and he never got the chance, the plans had been forgotten. Now though, Derek felt as if he was ready to move forward. Whether Stiles was here or not he wanted to build the house. He wanted to build a home for Stiles to return to.
Derek didn’t know where Stiles was. He knew he was out of the country, that much was certain. The Sheriff was always muttering about phone calls happening during inconvenient hours but he always looked relieved when he said it. He knew that Stiles made sure to change up when they scheduled the phone calls, making sure he got late night phone calls as much as the Sheriff. No matter what time the phone calls happened it meant Stiles was safe. That’s what mattered. And with each phone call Derek noticed the tension in John’s shoulder’s lessening.
John always made sure to tell Derek that Stiles was safe and doing alright after their phone calls, wanting to ease the Alpha’s worries. Derek appreciated the gesture, needing to know that Stiles was okay. That even if he was thousands of miles away he was happy, or at least working towards his happiness. John seemed to think it was working, saying that Stiles didn’t sound as tense or as strained as he did in Beacon Hills.
Derek can’t help but be relieved. He’s happy Stiles is getting better. But he still can’t help wishing Stiles was here with him. He feels selfish for that thought. Stiles is finally free of this place and all Derek can think about is bringing him back here. Sure, it’s been relatively peaceful lately but it’s Beacon Hills, the chances of that peace lasting are slim.
He still wishes though. He goes to sleep and dreams of Stiles returning to him, face bright with happiness as he runs towards Derek enveloping him in his arms. During some particularly vivid dreams Derek swears he can even catch Stiles’ scent. Those are the worst because he wakes up aching for Stiles and searching desperately for the smell of him only to find nothing. Stiles’ scent, that used to linger on every inch of his apartment, is slowly fading and Derek hates it.
Even Stiles’ old room is starting to smell more like Derek than Stiles due to how much time Derek has spent there trying to capture Stiles’ scent. He sometimes wonders if he could convince the Sheriff to get Stiles to mail him a shirt of his. Then he feels pathetic. He knows Stiles would mail something in a heartbeat. As much as he wants to he can’t bring himself to do it. He needs to let Stiles have his space.
He just has to hold out until Stiles comes back, and he knows Stiles will be back. He can feel it. Feel it in the way his body tells him Stiles is meant to be here with him. One way or another they will see each other again.
So how can it be true
How can you just turn and let me go
Stiles spends months traveling. He goes to England and visits Jackson, surprised to find Ethan there with him. He’s probably not as surprised as he should be that they’re dating though. Something always told him Jackson wasn’t as straight as he appeared. But then again Stiles himself wasn’t as straight as everyone thought he was. It took meeting Derek to lead him to his big bisexual awakening. Stiles smiles a little when he thinks about how Derek had laughed when Stiles told him that. He catches Jackson watching him and knows his feelings must appear on his face. Jackson being Jackson brings the subject of Derek up almost right away.
“I heard you two were dating,” Jackson says, ignoring the jab to the gut that Ethan gives him, “Lydia told me. So why the hell isn’t he here with you? Wouldn’t traveling the world be the perfect romantic trip?”
Stiles sighs, “It would be. And maybe it will one day. Right now, I’m trying to figure myself out. You should know as well as anyone how it feels to want to get a break from Beacon Hills.”
“I didn’t just want a break,” Jackson tells him, “I wanted an escape. That place was hell. And from what I’ve heard it’s only gotten worse. Especially for you.”
Stiles tenses, his fists clenched on his lap. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Jackson or Ethan who both exchange a look. Stiles takes a deep breath trying to calm himself. “It did get bad. Really bad. That’s why I needed to get away. It messed me up. I thought I could deal with it there but everywhere I went I was faced with the memories of what happened.”
“You need to heal,” Ethan says, “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.”
Stiles smiles but shakes his head, “I won’t be here long. I said I needed to do this alone and I meant it. It wouldn’t be fair of me to stay here when I’m not telling anyone else where I am. I just know Lydia would be pissed at me if I came through here without checking in.”
“Super pissed,” Jackson says, a fond smile on his face, “Better to not risk facing her wrath. Are you planning to go through Paris?”
Stiles nods, “I figured I’d say hello to Isaac too.”
“Good. I have some things I’ve been meaning to give him and you can drop them off for me.”
“What am I? Your errand boy?” Stiles asks.
Jackson smirks, “Sending it with you means I don’t have to pay to ship it.”
Stiles rolls his eyes, “Yeah cause you’re so strapped for cash. Must be hard living in this luxurious apartment.”
“They’re called flats here.”
“Yeah whatever,” Stiles mutters but he’s grinning, “Just show me where I’m sleeping asshole.”
Stiles travels to Paris after that, showing up unannounced to see a very startled Isaac. Stiles would have called but he didn’t have Isaac’s number, Jackson being an ass and refusing to give it to him. He’s just lucky he managed to get an address out of Chris before he left. And by get he means he stole from the address book Chris keeps in his car. Isaac’s startled face is quickly replaced by a smirk before he’s pulling Stiles in for a hug. Stiles hesitates for a moment before grinning and hugging the beta back.
When Isaac pulls back he’s grinning, “Out of all the people I expected to show up on my doorstep it certainly wasn’t you,” Isaac tells him as he leads Stiles inside and into the living room, gesturing for Stiles to sit down.
“I can’t say I ever expected to be here,” Stiles tells him honestly, “at least not by myself.”
“Scott said you were doing some sort of soul searching trip,” Isaac says, “I thought he was just messing with me. But here you are. Is there a reason your soul searching brought you to my doorstep?”
Stiles pulls out the package Jackson had wanted Stiles to give to Isaac, along with another smaller package from Melissa. Stiles hadn’t told her he was coming here but she probably hoped. Finding the package in his bag was part of the reason he decided to visit Isaac in the first place. She probably did it on purpose, wanting him to know he had a place he could go. “Jackson wanted me to give you that. And this,” Stiles holds out the other package, “is from Melissa.”
Isaac sets Jackson’s package aside and carefully takes the one from Melissa from Stiles, a soft smile on his face, “She knew you were coming?”
Stiles shakes his head, “I never told her. I think she just hoped I would. She snuck that into my bag actually.”
“Her no so subtle way of telling you to visit.”
“I still would have,” Stiles says, barely refraining from taking on a ‘for Derek’ at the end. Because Derek had been the other reason he decided to visit Isaac. Stiles knows Derek still worries about him so he wanted to check in, maybe drop a hint with his Dad to let Derek know how Isaac is doing.
Stiles knows they talk. He knows Derek is working at as a deputy now. Stiles couldn’t fight the proud smile on his face when his Dad had told him. Despite how much Stiles has just been able to breathe since he left he still misses Derek. He still finds himself seeing things and wanting to tell Derek about them. He’s taking pictures, planning to eventually show Derek but it won’t be the same.
Which is why he’s taking note of all the places he knows Derek would like, planning to someday show Derek in person. That is if Derek will want him to. Derek said he would wait and Stiles knows he meant it. But Derek is being a productive member of society. He’s got a job. A life. Stiles is healing and getting better little by little but he still has this voice in the back of his head worrying that by the time he gets back to Beacon Hills it will be too late. Derek had let him go after all. He let him leave.
Stiles hates himself for thinking that. He knows it’s not fair. That he would have left anyway. That Derek letting him leave didn’t mean that Derek didn’t care about him. If anything it shows just how much he cares. Stiles knows that.
“Stiles!”
Stiles is brought out of his thoughts by Isaac shouting his name. Stiles shakes his head, giving Isaac a guilty smile, “Sorry, what was that?”
“Where were you at?” Isaac asks.
“Nowhere. I was just thinking.”
Isaac narrows his eyes, “About Derek.”
It’s not a question. It doesn't need to be. They both know where Stiles thoughts had drifted. Stiles shoulders drop and his sinks further into the couch, “Yeah about Derek.”
“Have you talked to him?”
Stiles shakes his head, fighting the emotion building up in his throat. “No. It’s not like I haven’t wanted to. It’s just… hard.”
“Well of course it is,” Isaac says, rolling his eyes. “How could it not be? You left him behind.”
“And he let me go,” Stiles mutters, hating how small his voice sounds.
“What was he supposed to do Stiles?” Isaac growls, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as he glares at Stiles. “You left him. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to stop you. What was he going to do? Fight you on it and leave you both more upset by the situation than you were already? Just because he didn’t fight you on leaving doesn’t mean he wanted you to go. And if you think for one second that he’s happy about you being gone and hasn’t been pining over you and missing you like crazy then you don’t know him as well as you think you do.”
“I know! Okay? I know that!” Stiles shouts, running a shaking hand through his hair, “I know the minute I hear his voice either I’m going to be on the next plane back there or he’ll be on his way here and I’m not ready for that. I’m not where I need to be yet.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t reach out at all. You could at least let him know you’re thinking of him, send him a postcard or something.”
“A postcard?”
Isaac shrugs, “It’s better than nothing.”
Stiles knows Isaac is right. The next day Stiles goes out and buys the cheesiest postcard he can find. He debates a while over what to write, trying to decide if he should write some lengthy declaration about how much he misses him. He also doesn’t want to put something like “wish you were here with me” because as much as he does wish that it wouldn’t be fair. So all he puts is “Soon.” He knows Derek will understand what it means. It’s not some form of false reassurance. Even as he writes it he knows it’s true. He has been feeling better. His shoulders are lighter than they have been in years. Having to rely on himself like this and traveling to all these unfamiliar places has been good for him. He’s not ready yet, but he’s almost there.
As soon as the postcard is in the mail he takes off to Ireland.
No matter where you are tonight
A part of you is here with me
When Derek sees the postcard from Paris at first he thinks it’s from Isaac. The beta has been known to check in from time to time. But when he turns the postcard over and sees the familiar scrawl with only the word soon written his breath catches in his throat. Stiles. Stiles had reached out to him. He hadn’t said much. He didn’t need to. That one word meant enough. He feels his knees buckle under him as he collapses in the doorway of the apartment. He can’t help but bring the postcard up to his nose and inhale deeply. There are other unfamiliar smells there but underneath it all is the familiar scent of Stiles.
Soon. Stiles said soon. Which means Derek really needs to get to work on the house. They’d gotten started on the construction 2 weeks ago but he’d have to see if they could speed it up. If he needed to, he would do the work himself in the time he wasn’t needed on shift. He’s sure he could convince Scott to help out, Malia and Peter too. Maybe some of the rest of the pack if they didn’t mind sacrificing a few hours of the remaining time left of their summer. He knows if he gets Liam to help Theo, Mason, and Corey would follow. And if he really needed some extra hands the Sheriff and Parrish would be more than happy to help. In fact, he knows the Sheriff would insist on it.
Derek sets to work on the house with renewed vigor and determination. The pack happily agree to help, wanting to see the house completed as much as he does. He’s even heard some of them calling it the new pack house. He can’t say he minds that all that much. It would be nice to have a place of his own, filled with the sounds and scents of his pack.
Derek glances over at the sound of arguing to see Liam and Theo standing by a nearby wall, both of their hands gripping a hammer. He can only roll his eyes, grabbing one of the extra hammers and walking over to the pair, “We do have more than one hammer around, you know? Or did you two just want an excuse to flirt?”
Derek smirks when Liam’s face heats up as he starts trying to sputter out a denial. Theo just shrugs, grabbing the hammer from Derek and getting back to work. He can’t feel too bad about saying something, those two have been dancing around each other for months, longer if what Lydia and Malia said was true.
He still holds Liam back as they’re leaving, “I’m going to offer you some advice, whether you want it or not. Don’t let him get away just because you’re afraid. You might think that you have time to figure it out, and that may very well be true. But take it from someone who knows, if you don’t grab onto the opportunity when you have the chance you’ll regret it. You’ll look back on all the times you could have taken a chance and made a move and wish you had because suddenly that time you thought you had is gone.”
Liam looks from Derek to where Theo is leaning against his truck outside talking to Mason. He must sense their eyes on him because his gaze shifts over, catching Liam’s and giving the beta a small grin. Liam takes a deep breath before nodding and squaring his shoulders, “No time like the present right?”
Then he’s quickly walking outside and up to Theo, barely giving him time to be shocked at the force at which he’s spun around before Liam is pushing him up against his truck and kissing him. When Theo wraps his arms around Liam, pulling the beta closer Mason quickly retreats back into the house, looking at Derek with wide eyes, “I wonder what prompted that.”
Derek shrugs, sparing one last glance towards where Theo and Liam are still kissing before walking into the newly finished living room. The house is coming along pretty fast. Most of the downstairs is done, some rooms just waiting to be painted, while all but 3 of the bedrooms upstairs are finished. He’s pretty proud of all the hard work the pack have been putting in on the house. He just hopes Stiles will like it when he eventually comes home.
Remembering Mason’s comment Derek looks back at the human, “I did.”
“You did?” Mason asks, voice curious, “How? I mean, I’m not doubting you could. I’ve just been trying to get Liam to admit his feelings to Theo for months.”
“I just reminded him he might not have as much time as he thinks he does so he should take a chance while he still can. Apparently he agreed.”
Mason nods, taking a seat on the floor when he realizes Theo and Liam might take a while. He’s not about to be the one that interrupts them now that they’ve finally gotten their acts together.
They sit in silence for a while, both of them not used to spending time alone together. Derek realizes that until this moment he and Mason had never had a conversation between just themselves. Sure, he’s not as close to the younger members of the pack as he is with Scott and the others but he’s still talked to Liam plenty, even Theo, but never Mason. He doesn’t have anything against Mason, they’ve just never had any reason to interact outside of pack business. Truth be told, Mason reminds him a little bit of Stiles with his smarts and willingness to protect his pack even if it means getting hurt himself. Thinking this makes him feel guilty because maybe he subconsciously has been avoiding Mason ever since Stiles left.
“I know I’m like Stiles,” Mason says, “The others have told me. Even Stiles told me once before he left. So I get why it might be hard to be around me. It can’t be easy having a constant reminder of all the things you miss about him.”
Derek grimaces, “I don’t want to forget him, or not think about him. I think about him plenty. It’s just… hard. And I didn’t mean to… with you.”
“I know,” Mason gives Derek a reassuring smile, “I figured out what was going on a while ago. I mean we were never close so it took me a bit longer than it normally would have to figure it out but I eventually got there. And it’s cool. You miss him. I get it.”
Derek nods, leaning his head back against the wall and letting his eyes fall shut, “I do. Miss him, I mean. Every day. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t wonder where he is or what he’s doing, if he’s found what he’s searching for.”
“So that he’ll come home?”
Derek shakes his head, “Sure, I want him back here more than anything. But I also want him to find his happiness.”
“Have you heard from him?” Mason asks.
Derek's hand itches to reach for the postcard before he remembers he left it at home in his bedside table, not wanting it to get too worn. “He sent me a postcard a few weeks ago from France. All it said on it was soon.”
Mason smiles, “That’s good though right? That he’s reaching out?”
Derek nods, “I don’t think he’d send something like that if he wasn’t close to being ready. I just wish I knew when soon was.”
*
Derek’s confused when the Sheriff calls him into the station. It wasn’t his shift and normally the Sheriff would call someone else in knowing Derek was working on the house. Which meant whatever the Sheriff needed to discuss with him was important. Derek stills when he gets to the office door and notices John is on the phone. He’s about to turn and walk away to give the man some privacy when he hears Stiles’ voice coming from the other end of the phone. He knows he should walk away, let John talk to Stiles in private but it’s been so long since he last heard Stiles’ voice. He finds himself rooted to the spot, straining to hear what Stiles is saying.
“I know Dad,” Stiles sighs, “This really has been good for me. I just miss Derek so much. I miss his voice, his stubble, his eyes, the way his face lights up when he hears old Hootie and the Blowfish songs because they remind him of his Mom. I just miss him. And I wish he was here with me right now.”
Derek’s breath hitches, hearing the words coming out of Stiles’ mouth. He knew that Stiles had to miss him at least a little bit but it never occurred to him how much. Derek has to stop himself from barging into the Sheriff’s office and pulling the phone from his hands, allowing John to speak instead.
“Where are you at son?”
There’s a pause before Stiles responds, “Kilkenny, Ireland.”
The Sheriff must be feeling a little of Derek’s confusion because he’s quick to ask, “Why there?”
“I didn’t want to go someplace like Dublin or Belfast, or even Cork. I wanted somewhere less crowded. It’s nice here though. I like it,” Stiles says, adding on “I think Derek would too,” so low that Derek almost misses it.
Derek’s quick to get his phone out, quickly looking up and booking the next flight to Kilkenny, and to Stiles. He doesn't care that Stiles hasn't reached out yet. He misses him, and now that he's heard Stiles’ voice admitting just how much he misses Derek… well Derek already told Stiles he wouldn't be strong enough to stay away if he knew where Stiles was.
When Derek looks up the Sheriff is standing in front of him, a smirk on his face, clearly having hung up with Stiles when Derek was distracted. “Go get him son,” he shakes his head when Derek goes to speak, quickly cutting him off, “something tells me you already have your flight booked. I can’t blame you. I’ll make sure someone covers your shifts, I’ll do it myself if I have to. Just go get our boy and bring him home.”
Derek nods his thanks, rushing out the door and back home to pack a quick bag, barely remembering to grab his passport before heading to the airport, and to Stiles.
I don't know where you are
All I know is, I need you to be
Here with me
Stiles has been in Ireland a week and he loves it. He's been hiking and sightseeing, doing all sorts of things he knows his Dad and the pack will never believe he did if not for the pictures. Even then they'll probably scrutinize them, trying to work out if they're real or fake. He'd let it slip to his Dad that he was in Kilkenny a few days ago, part of him hoping his Dad would tell Derek where he was. He hasn't told him before, so Stiles doesn't know why this time would be any different. Maybe because of how badly he wants it to be.
He loves it here, he does. But he misses home, misses his Dad, and the pack. Misses Derek. He doesn't think he's going to last much longer. He's done what he set out to do. He feels like he can breathe again. There's just one thing missing...
“Stiles!”
Stiles stills, barely breathing when he hears the voice calling his name. He almost thinks he’s imagining it until it calls his name again, louder this time. And closer. Stiles whirls around so fast he almost stumbles over. There in front of him stands Derek, out of breath but looking as beautiful as ever.
“Derek,” Stiles says, his voice full of awe, “You’re here.”
“I am,” Derek nods, walking closer but stopping just out of arm’s length. He waves an arm in Stiles direction, “You let your hair grow out.”
Stiles nervously runs a hand through his hair, using his other hand to gesture at Derek, “You’ve trimmed your beard.”
“It was getting a bit out of control.” Derek replies, absentmindedly playing with his beard.
Stiles wants to be closer, wants to be the one touching Derek’s beard like that. To stop himself from doing something rash he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, “I was about to book a flight back to the states.”
“I’m glad you didn’t,” Derek says, quickly going on so that Stiles doesn’t misunderstand. As if Derek being here in Ireland isn’t proof enough of what he wants, “then we would have missed each other.”
Stiles ducks his head, smiling up at Derek through his lashes, “Now here we are.”
“Here we are,” Derek gives Stiles a smile of his own.
“Now what?”
Derek smirks, stepping closer to Stiles, “Now I’m going to kiss the hell out of you and make up for all that lost time.”
“Oh thank god,” Stiles breathes, “You damn well better get over here and mmph!”
Whatever words Stiles was going to say die in his throat because Derek is on him, kissing him with all the longing that he’s been holding onto the past few months.
He’s missed this feeling, being wrapped up so tightly around each other, they both have. “I’m not letting you go again,” Derek mumbles against his lips when they have to pull back for air.
Stiles nods frantically, “Good. Because I don’t want you to. Leaving was stupid.”
“Did it help?” Derek asks.
“It did.” Stiles sighs, “It… being around all this,” he gestures to their surroundings, “has helped me get my head on straight.”
“If it helped you I don’t think it was stupid.” Derek says, nuzzling into Stiles’ neck and inhaling the scent he missed so much.
“But it made me realize what I was missing, Der. I had all this beauty around me but I was alone. And yeah that was the point. I needed to figure out how to be happy by myself. And I did. But you know what?”
“What?” Derek asks, reluctantly pulling back to look at Stiles.
“The times I was sad were when I was missing you and wishing you were here with me.” Stiles admits, giving Derek a sad smile.
“I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere,” Derek tells him, cupping his cheek, “not without you.”
“Good,” Stiles nods, letting out a relieved sigh, “now where are you staying? Do you have a room?”
Derek shakes his head, “One I heard where you were I only had time to book the flight and pack a bag.”
Stiles smiles, lacing their fingers together, “I have a place not far from here.”
Derek leans in and kisses Stiles slowly but full of promise, only pulling back far enough to speak, “Let’s go. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
“That we do,” Stiles says, using Derek’s hand to lead him along the path back to the hotel he’s staying in, “Dad told me you rebuilt the house?”
“I did. I wanted you to have a place to come back to. To call home.”
“I already did,” Stiles tells him, face serious, “but it’ll be nice to have a roof over our heads. Wait, does this mean you want me to move in?”
“Obviously,” Derek fondly rolls his eyes, “That is if you want to.”
“Of course I do. Now, is there anything you want to do here? We could get some food? Or go hiking? Wait, you’ve been on a long plane ride you’re probably too tired for hiking.”
“Stiles,” Derek says, pulling the other man to a stop right in front of him, “I don’t care what we do as long as you’re here with me.”
Stiles ducks his head, a pleased grin lighting up his face, “That was super cheesy.”
“Maybe so. But it’s the truth. I’ve missed you. Right now all I want to do is spend time with you.”
“There’s something you’re not asking for,” Stiles says, studying Derek’s face intently, “What is it you want big guy?”
Derek rubs the back of his neck, a habit he’s sure he picked up from Stiles, “Can we just go back to your room and cuddle? I just…”
“It’s a wolf thing, I get it,” Stiles says with a smile. “I’m totally on board with cuddling. I’ve missed waking up next to you.”
“Me too.”
“We can just order room service or take out if we get hungry later,” Stiles tells him, already leading Derek the rest of the way to the hotel.
Once they’re safely in the room Derek feels the rest of his resolve shatter. He’d been holding himself back, not wanting to lose himself too much when they were in public but now that they’re alone he feels his walls drop down. He immediately pulls Stiles to him, burying his face in Stiles’ neck and just breathing him in. Stiles backs them towards the bed, collapsing back onto it and quickly pulling Derek down with him. He maneuvers them until he’s on his back with Derek curled up with his head resting on Stiles chest.
Stiles feels guilt starting to build up when he hears Derek’s quiet sobs. He knew how hard the distance was for him, and from what his Dad set it had been just as bad, if not worse for Derek. Stiles just pulls Derek tighter against him, running soothing hands through his hair and down his back.
“I’m so sorry Der.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” Derek mumbles, face still buried in Stiles’ shirt, “I know why you left. I just missed you. I spent months chasing your scent so coming here and being hit with it so completely was a little overwhelming. I just want to stay like this for a while longer okay?”
“Of course,” Stiles says, placing a kiss to Derek’s hair, “We’ll stay like this as long as you need.”
Derek groans when he releases a big yawn, “I don’t want to be tired right now.”
Stiles laughs, “I know but you really should sleep. I promise I’ll be here with you when you wake up.”
Derek tries to fight it but eventually feels his eyes drifting shut, lulled into unconsciousness by the sound of Stiles’ heartbeat. When he wakes up the next morning Stiles is still there next to him, face peaceful with sleep. Derek smiles, snuggling in closer. He’s here with Stiles, there’s no place else he’d rather be.