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It began, maybe, on that first day of high school, when they were assigned to adjacent seats by the window, and bonded through their mutual disdain for their literature teacher and his antiquated, xenophobic opinions about Japanese novella.
Or maybe senior year, when they sat side by side inside the cafe near Jinyoung’s place, staring frigidly at their phones for entrance exam results, with Jaebum crying fat, ugly tears when he looked over and saw that they got into the same university.
Or maybe when Jinyoung, a lifelong orphan with no financial security net, decided to move off campus to save money, and ignored his grandparents and Jaebum and Mark and Jackson when they said that maybe the reason why the rent was so cheap in his new apartment was because it violated every building safety law that was passed in the last five decades.
Or maybe when Jaebum all but forced Jinyoung to move into his enormous place when Jinyoung was inevitably kicked out of his lawbreaking apartment building, a 500 square meter monster of a hanok he’d inherited from his mother, may her soul rest in peace.
But really, what truly set the ball rolling, rolling, rolling to its foregone conclusion was Yugyeom, the imbecile that he was, deciding to see if he could slide through the entire length of the main hallway with his socks, just as Youngjae was helping Jinyoung move his things from the foyer.
“Heads up!” He yelled out far, far too late, for Jinyoung and Youngjae were already within his path of carnage.
Jinyoung, who’d been living in this house for all of two minutes, sealed his fate by pulling Youngjae toward him so they could both avoid Yugyeom and his lanky, pubescent limbs. Taken aback by the sudden yanking motion, Youngjae twisted around to face Jinyoung, tripped over his own foot, and fell against Jinyoung’s chest, just as Yugyeom slid home to collide into them both.
When the literal dust settled from the literal explosion that had occured, Youngjae and Yugyeom had both disappeared. In their places were a small mouse and sparrow, staring up at Jinyoung with wide brown eyes.
“Uhm,” said the mouse, in Youngjae’s voice. “Please don’t call the police.”
Jaebum returned from his night class less than fifteen minutes later to Jinyoung cradling Youngjae and Yugyeom with his hands, sobbing hysterically, shouting “What the fuck is going on?!” the second Jaebum entered the living room.
“Hyung! Welcome back!” Yugyeom-sparrow chirped. “We can- we can totally explain.”
And instead of flipping out with Jinyoung like any normal person would, Jaebum simply plucked the two animals by their necks and held them up to give them both a dead, level look. “Really? Guys? Couldn’t even last an hour without him finding out?”
“What the fuck?!” Jinyoung screeched.
Jaebum threw Youngjae and Yugyeom towards the door. “Scram,” he said, as Yugyeom, after a startle and a stumble, gripped Youngjae by the shoulders and started flapping his wings to carry them both.
“And reflect!” He called after them as they flew up the stairs in shame. “Get ready to apologise to Jinyoung the second you two turn back!”
With a deep, exhausted sigh that seemed to rattle the very foundations of his body, Jaebum turned towards Jinyoung, who was staring at him slack-jawed and sniffling from his earlier breakdown. “Do you- “ He rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Do you want some, tea, or coffee, or something?”
“What?” Jinyoung asked, not even remotely rhetorical, his voice cracking into a squeak from being so weepy.
Twenty minutes and two cups of barley tea later, Jinyoung’s mostly calmed down, in possession of knowledge he’d never thought he’d have in his wildest dreams.
“So you guys turn into your corresponding animals when you’re hugged by someone outside the family.” Jinyoung repeated slowly so he could understand, accepting a bag of rice crackers Jaebum handed him with a grateful smile. “Are there any other stipulations? Because I didn’t exactly hug either of them per se. Can you guys turn back on your own volition?”
“It also happens if we’re really stressed out, or sick. We just automatically go back human after a while. Youngjae and Yugyeom should be turning back any minute now.” Jaebum said, looking down at his hands, fiddling nervously with the prayer beads around his wrist. “Listen, Jinyoung- “
“Oh thank god,” Jinyoung sighed, putting a hand over his still thudding chest. “I thought all of this was way worse than it turned out to be. Like I was mentally preparing to get assassinated by the government, it was bizarre .”
A lot of things started making a lot sense in retrospect. How closed off Jaebum was about his family, how careful he was around others, how he avoided physical intimacy like the plague. Jinyoung had felt more than a little put out the first time Jaebum flinched back from his touch. He was used to it now, this arbitrary distance between them, but there was always that prickling of annoyance whenever Jaebum let Jackson or Youngjae cling onto his side with nary a complaint.
It made sense now. But this was a petty sort of vindication he was feeling. Jinyoung would die before he admitted it.
“You’re not- “ Jaebum stopped, looking utterly bewildered. “You’re not freaking out?”
“Uhm, hello, did you not see me earlier?” Jinyoung said incredulously. “That was my freak out. That was my perfectly normal freak out that anyone who saw their best friend’s family transform into animals would have. What about you? Shouldn’t you be freaking out? You’re the one who’s under a curse.”
“We were born with this curse, it’s been in our family for generations.” Jaebum said, features beginning to relax a little as he smiled. “I guess we’re used to it.”
Jinyoung reached for another rice cracker and thought about how Jaebum used to duck under half-hugs around the shoulders and disappear during Valentine's Day. How pleased Jinyoung had felt when Jaebum first fell asleep with his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder.
Jaebum's foot hung casually over Jinyoung's ankle, rocking rhythmically side to side, and it made Jinyoung feel ridiculous and cherished.
-
Eventually Jinyoung couldn’t hold his curiosity in any longer. “So, what are you?” He asked, folding his fingers around his steaming cup of tea.
Jaebum leaned back then, looked at Jinyoung with careful eyes. “The cat.”
“The cat?” Jinyoung said, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Upon further reflection, it made absolutely perfect sense, but, “The cat’s not a Zodiac animal is it?”
Jaebum smiled again, this time odd and humorless.
“It’s not.” He said grimly, and Jinyoung knew then that the conversation was over.
-
When the weather permits, Jinyoung will drag a lounge chair to the side of the veranda where the sun shines the warmest and dig into a nice, long novel.
Within the hour Jaebum would join him in one way or another, like steady, steady clockwork. Some days he'd drop by with a blanket and a cup of coffee for Jinyoung, brewed just the way he likes it. He'll drop his head a little to take a look at what Jinyoung's reading, would ruminate a bit before nodding in approval, and go back inside with a playful shuffle of Jinyoung’s hair.
Other days he'd stay for longer, arms crossed, head falling to the side, snoring softly in a chair adjacent to Jinyoung's. His face would be scrunched up, like he's annoyed with himself for falling asleep. Jaebum's simultaneously attracted to and perennially weak to the sun, no matter what form he's in. He'd subconsciously seek out the sunniest spot in the room, and end up passing out regardless of how hard he tries to stay awake.
Jinyoung secretly likes it best when Jaebum, the brown marbled tabby, hops onto his chair and snuggles into his side. He always chooses where he sits with this in mind, and everytime Jaebum seems more than happy to share the space.
As a cat Jaebum demands warmth and attention unapologetically, transparently affectionate in a way that he doesn’t allow himself to be as a human. He circles around Jinyoung’s legs until he’s noticed, rolls against Jinyoung’s side until he’s scratched. Jaebum favors the space between his ears in particular, obvious in how he purrs and preens indiscriminately, legs stretching out like he can't help himself.
Today he curls into himself on Jinyoung's lap, molding into a perfectly circular lump of fur that occasionally bristles in the orange bask of the sun. Jaebum’s tail swishes lazily to the rhythm of Jinyoung’s absent-minded stroking, a steady movement that, when paired with the warmth of his body and the rumbling of his satisfied purring, lulls Jinyoung into a doze much faster than usual.
The sun is setting when Jinyoung wakes up alone, wrapped in another blanket. His book has been carefully extracted from his hands, bookmarked, and placed on the small wicker table beside him. He can hear Jackson and Youngjae chatter animatedly from the other side of the house. The smell of dinner wafts through the air, inviting Jinyoung to come back inside.
“What did you think?” Jaebum asks as he hands Jinyoung a bowl of rice.
“Huh?” Jinyoung asks. He almost missed the question entirely, distracted by all the food that’s on the table. Today’s main course is “low effort”, according to Jaebum, which of course means that it is still within the Top 50 Meals Jinyoung’s ever had: hot, bubbling budae jjigae with a little bit of everything Jaebum could reach, tied together with leftover fish stock he’d been keeping in the fridge.
Beyond the novelty of living in such a grand, traditionally designed house, beyond the central heating and the fridge with seven different options to churn ice and the freaking library Jaebum unintentionally amassed in the living room, Jaebum’s cooking is the single biggest perk of living here.
He’d known that Jaebum was a good cook, but he hadn’t quite understood the power it had over the household. Dinner attendance is near perfect, even through exams. It’s probably the only thing keeping Bambam and Yugyeom from being expelled. Even Jackson, serial social butterfly with the highest follower count on campus, would blow off countless invitations to make sure he’s home for dinner every day.
It feels like a blessing, to eat with a full table every day. Jinyoung hadn't realized how long he’s been alone. How much he'd missed warm, home cooked meals in the company of others.
“Your book,” Jaebum clarifies, sliding three bowls to the other end of the table, where Bambam, Yugyeom, and Youngjae are arguing about whether Ryze got nerfed by the latest content patch. “You were reading Higashino today.”
“Oh. Oh! I actually didn’t get very far,” Jinyoung replies, flushing a bit at the admission. Jaebum the cat was so cuddly, and it was so nice outside today, he couldn’t help it. “But his writing is so pragmatic. I didn’t know you liked mysteries hyung.”
Jaebum raises an eyebrow in amusement. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“He’s saying you have a penchant for melodrama Jaebum.” Mark teases in between large spoonfuls of food. “Mysteries are too straightforward and case driven! Too little romance and flowery prose. They aren't angsty enough to sustain you.”
Jinyoung almost snorts into his cup of water. “I reject that on the grounds of it not being what I meant at all,” He argues. “And besides, there's plenty of angst in mysteries! They’re all about the human condition! Higashino in particular is really good at playing with moral ambivalence; that there’s always more to the bad guys than it initially seems. That real evil doesn’t necessarily have to look or act the part.”
“Aha, so the true monsters walk amongst us!” Jackson butts in, leaning over to give him a conspiring look. “You know Jinyoung, you sound like someone who’s watched Beauty and the Beast like a trillion times when you were a kid.”
Jackson pushes his chair back to make a dramatic flourish with his hand. “He’s no monster Gaston!” He declares in English with an exaggerated grimace, clutching his chest for effect, as Mark howls in laughter. “You are!”
“I’m gonna abstain from answering that question.“ Because Jinyoung could recite every word in that movie in three languages, but Jackson didn’t need to know that, ever. “ Anyways, Beauty and the Beast has the same concept, I guess. Don’t judge a book by its cover. It’s a super common trope, but when it’s done well it can be really compelling.”
“I think our Jinyoungie would be the perfect Belle; you’re always so thoughtful and non-judgemental. If you ever met a Beast, I bet you could love them immediately.” Jackson swings his head towards Jaebum, who’s been quietly chewing on his braised fish. “Don’t you think so?”
“Jackson,” Jaebum starts with a warning tone, as Mark reaches across the table to smack Jackson against his head.
“Ow, ow! I’m sorry!” Jackson whines, rubbing pitifully at his perceived mortal injuries. “I’ll shut up, geez.”
Jinyoung looks between the three of them and wonders if he’s missed something. “Well,” He says thoughtfully. “I guess if they’re as well-meaning as the Beast was, sure. I’ll love someone who’s compatible with me, no matter how they look.”
“Compatible, huh?” Jackson says, giving Jaebum a pointed look. “I hope there's someone like that out there for you Jinyoung.”
“If only.” Jaebum says with a dull voice, and starts digging into his rice at a fiendish pace.
-
To Jaebum's long suffering chagrin, Bambam has been written up no less than three times this year for violating the dress code. He calls it racism, but everyone else is quick to remind him that he wouldn't be able to dye his hair neon pink in Thailand either.
The fourth time it happens, Bambam’s homeroom teacher calls Jaebum and tells him that if Bambam is caught with a hair color other than dark brown or black again, he'd be suspended, and be in serious danger of failing to graduate.
And so Bambam sits miserably in the middle of the second floor bathroom, as Jackson diligently massages black dye into his hair. Mark and Jinyoung stand by the door to make sure Bambam can't escape, though Jinyoung's pretty sure Mark is only here to laugh at Bambam’s suffering.
Jaebum had left earlier to cook dinner, shouting, “I can't even look at your face, I'm so freaking pissed at you right now!” before shoving the dye into Jackson’s hands and stomping downstairs.
From the safety of the second floor bathroom, they can still hear Jaebum scream “Four times! For fucks sake!” into the aether, as he slams a pot down the kitchen counter.
“I guess I really made him mad this time,” Bambam says, more timidly than Jinyoung’s ever heard him, looking down and biting his lip.
“Yep.” Jinyoung agrees, feeling only a little sympathetic for his plight. Bambam deserves all the shit he’s getting, but a truly angry Jaebum is rare and quite something to behold. “He’ll calm down soon enough, don't worry too much about it.”
“Why’s it so hard to just hold out for another year? Jesus Christ.” Jackson says, shaking his head as Mark cackles from behind him. “Then you can dye your hair the freaking rainbow.”
“Easy for you to say. Fashion is art, and you guys are all tapped out on inspiration. But I have so much left to express.” Bambam mumbles, resolutely ignoring Jackson’s angry yank at his hair. “Plus, Jaebum hyung’s a hypocrite. He bleached his hair in high school! It was super awkward and ugly too!”
“Jaebum hyung was a stupid delinquent who barely got his shit together in time to sit for his exams.” Jinyoung says appeasingly. “He just doesn't want you making the same mistakes he did.”
“Oh god, I’m having war flashbacks of Jaebum hyung as a blonde. Those were the dark days .” Jackson says. “Wait, ha! Mark! Do you remember when you, Jaebum hyung, and Younghyun- ” Jackson turns to Mark and rattles on in Mandarin, as Mark starts chortling.
“It’s so annoying when you two do that,” Bambam pouts. “What happened to ‘Korean in the Korean household’, you assholes?”
“That was never our rule,” Jackson sticks out a mocking tongue mere centimeters from Bambam’s disgusted face. “We only made you follow it because you're the only brat who'd abuse his linguistic skills for evil.”
Wait, hold up.
It is, perhaps, a testament to how close everyone seemed, that Jinyoung never thought it odd that everyone had different last names, or that some of them spoke different languages, or that some of them were just straight up foreign. They’re a family, afflicted by a family curse, sure, okay; it just seemed right.
It wasn't like he didn't know, it's just that somehow, Jinyoung never thought about Jackson, Mark, and Bambam being foreign in the context of the curse until now.
“It actually just hit me that I’m the only Korean in this bathroom.” Jinyoung says, utterly shocked. “Why is this family curse so ethnically diverse?”
The three of them look at Jinyoung with such thoroughly blank expressions that he surmises that they never really thought about it either.
“Well, we’re still related,” answers Jackson with a shrug. “We're just very very very distantly related.”
“We tried charting our lineage once, back when we were really bored. And by we, I meant me, because I did all the research. Jackson just cut and pasted the names.” Mark says, kicking Jackson the second he opens his mouth to protest. “Jaebum is like my sixth cousin once removed. Bambam was so far out I just gave up on him.”
“So you're like, one sixty-fourth Korean?” Jinyoung asks over Bambam’s offended sputtering. “That’s a ridiculously small link.”
“Small enough that it's basically irrelevant. Mark and I were essentially raised Chinese, and Bam, Thai.” Jackson huffs, slathering dye on another chunk of Bambam’s hair. “But I guess that irrelevant amount was enough for the curse. It's not like a gene, it doesn't dilute itself with diversity. Anyone with the tiniest bit of Im blood has an equal shot at the Zodiac lottery.”
“I still can't believe it extends that far out the family tree.” Jinyoung exclaims. “How do they even keep track of so many people?”
“The Main House has a way of finding out whether a cursed child’s been born.” Mark tells him. “Some kind of magical compass. I've personally never seen it. I think Youngjae, being the rat, is the only one of us who has.”
“And once they find the poor kid, it’s just a matter of assimilating them into the Main House, where they will spend the rest of their lives imprisoned in relative luxury and misery.” Jackson adds, nodding sagely. He examines Bambam’s hair one last time before peeling off his gloves and throwing them in the trash. ”Shampoo in thirty minutes.”
Jinyoung frowns. “So they just, pluck them out of their homes? Stick them in a mansion for the rest of their lives? Just like that? Their parents are fine with that?“
“You’d be surprised how easy it is for them. The Main House is the oldest of old money, being adopted guarantees financial security for yourself, your children, and your grandchildren.” Mark reasons with a shrug. “Plus, when you’re scared out of your wits because your newborn baby’s turning into a rabbit everytime you hold him, any sort of helping hand seems like a godsend. Most of them are begging to come.”
Jackson nods. “And they don’t realize how hard the kids are screwed in the process.”
“But I think, because our cycle has so many outsiders, they’ve been a little more lax with us.” Bambam chips in. “Living outside the Main House, going to school in other cities. All of this was unthinkable before.”
“You weren’t around for the actual dark days my dude,” Jackson mutters grimly. “Jaebum hyung went on the war path to be able to live on his own. Had to fight tooth and nail to keep this place. He didn’t actually inherit the house until he graduated high school, and the Main House was harassing him up till he had his diploma physically in his hands to try and get him to give it up. He was about to go to court, got a lawyer and everything.”
“Jaebum knows that this house is invaluable leverage for the rest of us.” Mark adds on. “It’s always been a given that without the backing of the Main House, we were nothing. But when Jaebum ran off to Seoul, and didn’t shrivel up into a homeless destitute in the process, we realized the rest of us could do it too. Live outside with the curse, I mean. That’s why they tried so hard to get Jaebum to give the house up. It even escalated to physical violence. They’d hire gang members to beat him up on his way home.”
“I- “ Jinyoung falters, trying to think back, trying to see if he’d noticed something was off. “I hadn’t realized it was so bad.”
Jaebum had seemed tired, but they were all tired. He had seemed stressed, but they were all stressed. Whenever he blew Jinyoung off after school, he’d thought that Jaebum was just busy studying. Jinyoung had chalked up the darkness under his eyes and the categorical misery in his features to be the growing pains of senior year, of entrance exams and the uncertainty of the future, and- just- normal things.
Why hadn’t he known? He’d been beside him all this time. He should have-
“No. Jinyoung. Stop.” Jackson lightly slaps Jinyoung in the face to bring him back to his senses. “We’re trying to guilt Bambam into behaving; you have nothing to feel bad about. Mark and I didn’t find out about the full extent of what Jaebum hyung was going through until way later, and we were in the know.”
“Plus, we all know how emotionally constipated Jaebum can get sometimes.” Mark reassures with a fond roll of his eyes. “He probably tried super extra hard to make sure you knew absolutely nothing.”
He turns to Bambam with a serious expression. “Anyways, I think you needed a reminder; our freedom is hard earned and not guaranteed.”
“I don’t...” Bambam mumbles, sounding much younger and fragile than he is. “I don’t want to go back to the Main House.”
“And that’s why, when Jaebum tells you to stop dying your hair stupid colors,” Mark says gently, vigorously rubbing his fists against the sides of Bambam’s cheeks. “You do what the man tells you to do. You won’t be able to defy the Main House without a highschool diploma.”
Everyone’s helping set the table when Bambam and Jackson finally arrive to join them. Bambam’s hair is soft and fluffy from its recent conditioning, and its dark color makes him look young. Yugyeom and Youngjae coo at him in loud noises, as Bambam flushes in embarrassment.
When Jaebum comes out from the kitchen, Bambam stands up immediately. “Hyung,” he starts. “I- “
“It looks good.” Jaebum smiles, tired but true. He hands Bambam a bowl of rice, and ruffles his hair a little. “Keep it a little long like that. There’s plenty of ways you can style it, so you don't get too bored with it before you graduate.”
He slides Bambam’s hair back, letting some strands fall forward, so more of his forehead can be seen. It would look incredibly mature with the help of some gel. “See? It looks chic.”
Bambam scoffs. “Chic? Really? You're so lame hyung.”
“Okay, alright, you can just hand that bowl right back and leave.” Jaebum replies smoothly. He turns to the rest of the table and announces, “New rule: If you don’t think I’m awesome, you don’t get to eat.”
“This is tyranny! Oppression! Despotism!” Bambam whines. “I think hyung’s superawesomeandcool- but tyranny!”
“Of course it’s a tyranny,” Jaebum laughs menacingly, gripping a tuft of Bambam’s black hair and giving him a good shake. “I make the food, I make the rules.”
Jinyoung catches him later that evening, hunched over a thick textbook and absentmindedly crunching on Mark’s sweet potato crisps.
“Hey,” Jaebum greets with an exhausted smile. “I keep wondering if I should apologise to Bambam. I really lost my temper today.”
“Oh no, he absolutely deserved it.” Jinyoung assures as he steals a couple of crisps for himself. “He wasn't going to listen unless you threw a fit, and that'd be a pretty dumb reason to get expelled.”
“Yeah, without the counts of violence and property damage to go with it, what's even the point?” Jaebum says a little too knowingly, and Jinyoung sniggers.
“Jaebum hyung,” Jinyoung begins, and briefly considers asking him about senior year. What the fuck happened? Why didn’t he tell him? Jinyoung didn't have much, but he would have tried to help. At the very least, they could have been miserable together.
Jaebum looks up from his notes. “Yeah?”
“He’s gonna be fine,” Jinyoung says instead. “They’re all gonna be just fine.”
You too, he means to add. But Jaebum’s eyes crinkle when he smiles at him, and Jinyoung thinks that he might have gotten the message anyway.
-
Jinyoung had made it a whole three days before Jaebum had taken his arm while he was contemplating whether he could afford to buy coffee, and summarily dragged him out of the building.
“So.” Jaebum began, crossing his arms for effect.
“So?” Jinyoung mirrored nervously. He had a pretty good idea what this was going to be about.
“I ran into your grandfather the other day.” Jaebum continued, eyes narrowing in accusation. “He told me some interesting things.”
Jinyoung closed his eyes in dread. “Oh my god.”
“When were you gonna tell me you were forced out of your shitty apartment?“ Jaebum asked in exasperation. “Because of asbestos of all things, really? Is this why you've been working so much? Where are you even living right now?”
“It's been fine!” Jinyoung insisted. “I just have to work double shifts until I can afford a security deposit for a new place and-”
“Where. Are. You. Living.” Jaebum asked again, jabbing his finger against Jinyoung’s chest with each word.
“Out.” Jinyoung answered with a grimace. “Like. Uhm. Outside?”
Jaebum looked up to the heavens for guidance, pinching his nose and pushing his hair back with a despairing groan. “Please tell me you don't mean that literally.”
“I, uh, may have pitched a tent in the woods near West Campus but really, honestly, it hasn't been that bad!” Jinyoung explained quickly, feeling stupider the more he spoke.
“Jinyoung, it snowed last week! And you've been sick the last two days!” Jaebum said, gesturing angrily to Jinyoung’s pale face just as his traitorous body seized up in a violent cough, as if to make a point. “That's the reason I called your grandfather in the first place!”
“You called him? I thought you just ran into hi- “ Jinyoung shook his head. “Nevermind, look, hyung, it’s really fine. I'm already- “ He coughed again. “I'm already getting better!”
“Bullshit,” Jaebum said, unamused. “Stay at my place till you find a new apartment, I'm begging you. You know we have a lot of extra room.”
Jinyoung did know that Jaebum had a huge house within walking distance to campus, but still, he resisted, “I really couldn't intrude like that- “
“Do it as a favor to me, so I don't blow an aneurysm wondering if you died of hypothermia or something.” Jaebum looked down at his phone and cursed under his breath.
“Shit, I'm gonna be late for class,” He muttered as he started backing up towards Engineering.
“I'll see you later Jinyoung,” He said, waving hurriedly from a few steps away.
“Youngjae should be able to let you in!” He called out, halfway down the block.
“I'm calling the police if you're not moved in by eight!” He shouted from across the street.
And with that, Jaebum jogged away before Jinyoung could get in another word.
Six hectic months later and Jinyoung's still here, dragging high schoolers out of bed and helping fold the laundry and napping in the veranda with Jaebum (the cat) nestled in his lap. He hasn’t been looking for a new place, and no one seems to want him to leave, so he’s plenty satisfied with his situation right now.
But still, Jinyoung’s had to work and work hard for everything decent in his life. He refuses to let himself stagnate and leech off of Jaebum’s kindness. It's with that in mind that Jinyoung slides a check over to Jaebum one night after dinner, feeling immensely proud of himself.
“Rent.” Jinyoung explains, when Jaebum cocks an inquiring eyebrow at him. “My new job pays me way more, so I can even pay you back for the last few months eventually.”
“You know you don't have to.” Jaebum says. “If I needed rent I'd have started charging these fools a long time ago.”
He juts his chin out to gesture at Jackson, a normally handsome Border Collie, who's passed out and drooling on Jaebum’s outstretched leg. Bambam is coiled up on top of him, light bouncing off his scales in a magnificent translucent sheen. There'd been an accident earlier, where they had been walking towards the main entrance with their backs toward the door, asking Jaebum if he needed something from the store, and turning around just as Jinyoung was returning home.
“Well, they’re family. It’s different with family.” Jinyoung says, reaching over and scratching behind Jackson’s ears fondly. The motion clearly pleases Jackson, and he kicks subconsciously at nothing in response. “Please just take the money hyung.”
“You're family.” Jaebum says immediately, so casually that Jinyoung almost misses it. He looks up in surprise at the weight of what was just said, but Jaebum’s already moving on. “But if it makes you feel better, I'll accept your rent.”
He squints over to look at the check. “This was the rate from your old place right? Just divide it by, uh- “ He looks back to the calendar hanging on the wall, “- six. Holy shit, it's already been six months? Anyway, divide it by six, and let’s make that your new monthly. Pay by the beginning of month. Or the end of the month, I don't care. And this check can be the back payment for the time you've already spent here.”
“That's barely anything at all!” Jinyoung protests.
Jaebum shakes his head, resolute. “This part’s non-negotiable. You chip in for groceries, you help cook and clean up, you keep the demon spawn in line,” He continues, “It all adds up. Plus, we all like having you here.”
“Do you really?” Jinyoung beams at him, happy despite himself. “I like being here too.”
Jaebum beams back at him, a little embarrassed in the face of all this positive energy.
“Good. Then it’s settled.” He says, as he folds the check and tucks it into his back pocket.
-
The story goes that when God invited all of the animals to a splendid, eternal banquet, the rat, jealous of the cat’s beauty, tricked the cat into missing the banquet by lying to him about the time the banquet was supposed to begin. God was so delighted with the animals that they divided the years amongst them, thus forming the twelve animals of the Zodiac.
Meanwhile the cat, who’d overslept, was excluded from the ordeal entirely. They never forgave the rat for their trick, and from there originates the antagonistic relationship between cat and rat, both in the animal world and in the people they embody.
Despite this, Jaebum and Youngjae get along very well. Extraordinarily well, in fact, this much was clear to Jinyoung even before he moved in. Jaebum spoils Youngjae rotten, buying him snacks on his way home from work and laughing heartily whenever Youngjae pinches his cheeks or makes fun of his hat, whereas anyone else would probably get a glare and a merciless noogie for their trouble.
But even with this inherent power, Youngjae’s easily the most obedient out of the three youngsters, always the first to chirp “Okay hyung!” without a single complaint whenever Jaebum asks them to do chores.
“It's kind of endearing.” Jinyoung observes when he and Jaebum are out in the city eating lunch. “You know those viral videos of cats adopting other tiny animals? You two remind me of those. I wish I had a brother I got along with that well.”
A huge shopping bag containing a Master Grade 00 Gundam with an LED Buster Sword component and titanium finish is tucked safely in between Jaebum’s legs. Youngjae had been utterly forlorn when it sold out before he got home from school, because he’d spent months working part time to afford one.
And because he was a weak, weak man, Jaebum called on a friend of a friend of a friend who owns a hobby store in Dongdaemun to somehow procure one from his sources in Akihabara. And because the rest of them were also weak, weak men, they all pitched in to pay for it.
Hours later, when sun’s starting to set and they’re waiting for the train, Jaebum says suddenly, “I think guilt plays a little part in it.”
Jinyoung has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about, but he inquires anyway. “How so?”
“Youngjae always liked me. He was following me around ever since he was a baby. But I used to hate Youngjae when I was a kid.” Jaebum says, shoving his hands in his pockets, rocking along the balls of his feet. “Like, I hated him.”
The disembodied female voice on the loudspeaker announces that a train is approaching. People start crowding around them, and Jaebum and Jinyoung have to huddle closer together to make room. Suddenly there's noise all around, but all Jinyoung hears is the silence between them.
Jaebum keeps a careful arm in front of him, so that there's plenty of distance between him and any other unknowing pedestrian. He earns plenty of disgusted looks for taking up so much space for no apparent reason, but Jaebum stays staring resolutely ahead.
“People gave me a lot of shit for being the cat. I was barred from living in the Main House, because everyone thought I bought misfortune.” Jaebum explains further as they board the train. He laughs derisively. “I guess they were right in that sense. My dad hanged himself when I was born, probably because I was born, and mom died from that brain tumor. You remember what a mess that was.”
Jinyoung clutches at Jaebum’s wrist, feels the prayer beads knock against his fingers. “That's- “
“But Youngjae, man, Youngjae was the golden boy. Everyone worshipped him and his cute little hands and his cute little face. He had a professional tutor for every little thing he looked like he had an interest in. His family lived in the grandest set of rooms in the Main House.” Jaebum says. “I wanted in so bad, and Youngjae just had all of it handed to him. I hated him for it.”
There are seats inside, and Jinyoung coaxes Jaebum into sitting next to him with a soft tug. “The others told me, a little bit, about how cruel they were to all of you.”
“Did you know? He had pneumonia when he was like, eleven, and they didn’t even let him go to the hospital. They thought he'd be healed by the love and grace of the Jade Emperor,” Jaebum spits angrily. “He almost died, and his body never fully recovered. That's why he gets sick all the time.”
Jinyoung hasn't let go of his wrist yet, has been rubbing small circles on his pulsepoint. It seems to calm Jaebum down a little, and he sinks into his seat miserably.
“That’s when I realized how stupid I was. We were all being imprisoned by the family curse. I didn't want the Main House to accept me anymore, I didn't want to have anything to do with the Main House. I wanted out, and I was gonna do everything in my power to take at least Youngjae with me.”
“And you did,” Jinyoung consoles. “Look how happy he is now, look at well he’s grown.”
Jaebum snorts. “I didn't have to take him anywhere. He ended up following me,” he says. “Ran away from the Main House at the dead of night and took a bus to Seoul. Even arranged his high school admissions all by himself. I just had to forge a couple of forms for him.”
Jinyoung laughs out in surprise, choking a little at the abruptness of it. Jaebum looks at him with an incredulously raised eyebrow, before he starts to laugh too- sincerely, this time. He rests his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder as their laughter begins to taper off into huffs of amusement.
“This curse, it fucked us all up.” Jaebum sighs, closing his eyes. “We’re all fucked up, Jinyoung-ah.”
When they’re in front of the house, Jinyoung reaches for Jaebum’s wrist again, but misses the mark a little, grasping his hand instead.
“For what it's worth,” Jinyoung says, deciding to just roll with it and lace his fingers with Jaebum's. “I think you’re a better person than you’re giving yourself credit for. Being fucked up, it’s whatever. But you’re a good person when it comes down to it.”
He looks pointedly at the shopping bag Jaebum's holding, before tugging him along so they can go inside.
Jaebum gives Jinyoung the most curious look. He squeezes Jinyoung’s hand tightly, before letting go to open the door. “Thanks,” he says softly, just before Youngjae peeks his head out from the living room.
“Hyung!” Youngjae cries feebly through his face mask, warm compress wrapped snugly around his neck. The others pop out from behind him with knowing stares. Jackson’s practically vibrating in anticipation. “Welcome back!”
“Hey, Youngjae,” Jaebum grins from ear to ear. He holds up the shopping bag to Bambam and Yugyeom’s whooping cries of celebration. “Boy, do we have a surprise for you.”
-
Sungjin visits the house late fall, much to the complete and utter surprise of everyone.
Jinyoung’s studying in the living room when he hears Youngjae yell out “S-Sungjin hyung!”, and watches everyone in the room literally drop what they are doing to rush to the foyer.
Sungjin has large, expressive eyes that emit warmth and dependability in waves. Everybody flocks to him like little baby birds, waiting to be praised and babied. And he obliges readily, linking arms with Youngjae and rubbing his cheeks with Jackson as he marvels at how much Yugyeom’s grown.
Sungjin’s not particularly tall or broad, but Jaebum looks positively infantile when he ducks in shyly to give Sungjin a hug. Jinyoung can’t help but grin at the sight.
“He’s sort of the one in charge of the rest of us,” Bambam whispers conspiratorially into Jinyoung’s ear, as Sungjin brings an arm around Jaebum’s neck and brings him down to ruffle teasingly at his hair. “Well, Jaebum hyung’s the de facto hyung, and Sungjin hyung is Jaebum hyung’s hyung, so by the transitive property, that puts him in charge.”
Sungjin’s eyes suddenly light up when he notices Jinyoung, and walks straight towards him.
“You’re Jinyoung.” He states, hand out in an inviting gesture. “Everyone's told me a lot about you. It’s great to finally put a face to the name.”
Jinyoung reaches forward and gives Sungjin’s hand a polite shake. “All good things, I hope.”
Sungjin laughs. “Glowing praise, in fact! If even Yugyeom is willing to vouch for you, I know for sure that you’re the real deal.”
“For the record, he’s lying.” Yugyeom swears solemnly. “I have never said anything good about you ever.”
“Exactly,” Sungjin says, giving Yugyeom’s side a playful pinch. “The amount of shit you talk about a person correlates directly with how much you like them. I’d be concerned if you didn’t complain about him at all.”
Jaebum goes all out for dinner, and even has to recruit some of the others to help him with the dishes. Jinyoung almost physically swoons when he takes a bite of the galbi jjim , and has to push down the distant but looming bitterness that it wasn’t even made specifically for him.
After dinner, Jaebum, Jinyoung, and Sungjin gather in the living room to cut up some of the expensive pears that Sungjin’s bought with him. Yugyeom is passed out on the floor, snoring into a worn out body pillow, a seeming victim of food coma.
“Jaebum hyung!” Youngjae tattles in gentle singsong from outside. “Jackson hyung and Bambam are trying to get their spirit animals to fight each other again!”
“Hey, hey!” Jaebum shouts urgently as he scrambles to stand up. “No proxy wars inside the property!”
He bursts out of the living room with gusto. Jinyoung can hear a variety of screams and hollers and barking, and the unmistakable crash of two inanimate objects colliding with one another, before everything suddenly goes silent.
“It seems like everyone's having a good time here.” Sungjin observes.
“I agree.” Jinyoung says, plopping a piece of pear into his mouth. “But sometimes I'm afraid Jaebum hyung's going to have a stroke one day.”
“On the contrary, it's been a long time since I've seen Jaebum this happy.” Sungjin says serenely, looking at Jinyoung with a knowing twinkle in his eyes. “And I think you might have a lot to do with that.”
“Huh?” Jinyoung asks stupidly.
“I'm a little protective of Jaebum. He's like a little brother to me.” Sungjin leans in, like he’s about to tell Jinyoung a secret. “So I take an interest in anyone who interests him. You know he cares for you a lot, yes?”
“Uh, yeah.” Jinyoung replies, growing a little wary of Sungjin’s deceitfully light tone, “We’ve been friends for years.”
Sungjin tilts his head a little to get a better look at him. Jinyoung nervously wonders what he sees there.
“But Jaebum’s also been hurt and betrayed. More than any single person should ever have to know.” He goes on, slicing evenly into a new pear. Jinyoung’s long since stopped cutting, tapping at his thighs anxiously.
When Sungjin looks up at Jinyoung again, all the levity in his eyes has disappeared.
“I wonder how you’ll react when you learn the truth.” He says. “Will you be like the rest?”
Jinyoung furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “I'm not sure I understand.”
All of the sudden, Sungjin leans back and bursts into laughter. “It's fine, I'm just rambling, I’ve been told I do that a lot.” He says, as he gets up with a stretch. “Well! I think I should check up on Jaebum and the kids and make sure they’re all still alive. See you in a bit Jinyoung.”
He walks languidly out of the room, leaving Jinyoung to wonder what the hell just happened.
-
On the second day, Jaebum finds himself sitting alone with Sungjin outside, legs dangling off the edge of the veranda. It's cloudy and gray, the sun partially obstructed from view, and Jaebum can't push back his restlessness.
“Tell me the truth.” He says to Sungjin, who's leisurely stirring his coffee, “The Main House sent you here, didn’t they?”
“I volunteered,” Sungjin corrected. He taps his spoon on the edge of his cup before setting it down on the saucer beside him. “I thought that maybe you’d prefer to hear the message from me, over anyone else they would have sent instead.”
“Which is?”
“That you’re kind of an asshole.” Sungjin says with a small, wan smile. “The Main House hasn't appreciated this shared living situation you’ve set up for yourself and the other kids. It’s bad enough that you’ve stolen the Rat from them, but- “
Jaebum scoffs. “I didn’t steal Youngjae. He- “
“I know.” Sungjin insists placatingly, placing a hand on Jaebum’s shoulder. “That’s just how the elders see it. Having all of us clumped together disrupts the feng shui of the world around us, or something.”
“As opposed to us being clumped together in the main house?” Jaebum snorts derisively. “It’s me, isn’t it? They’re pissed about the others being near me. I’m the one messing up the feng shui of the universe by nature of existing.”
“Well,” Sungjin says, sipping on his coffee, “what they said was actually way worse.”
“Fantastic. If that’s all, then you can go tell the elders to shove it.” Jaebum replies venomously. “I haven’t given a single fuck about what they thought of me in a long time.”
“Well,” Sungjin teeters off, looking uncertain for the first time since he's arrived.
“There's more,” he says. “I also came because of Jinyoung.”
This revelation brings Jaebum to his feet in horror. “Wait, does the Main House know about him?”
“No, and I’ll be sure to be discreet, I promise.” Sungjin assures. He sets his coffee down. “But the others have been telling me a lot of things. I came because I had to see for myself.”
Jaebum frowns. “Sungjin hyung- “
“You haven't told him, have you?” Sungjin asks, standing so they're eye to eye. “About your ‘true’ form.”
Jaebum steps back defensively. “No, and if it were up to me, he’d never know.”
“I thought so.” Sungjin tells him sadly. “Do you think he’ll reject you like the others? Your father? Your mother?”
“That’s not- “
“Then why? What are you so afraid of?”
The wind carries the clouds to the east, blocking the sun entirely. Leaves tumble across the yard, clearing the way, anticipating. Drip by drip, it begins to rain.
“Mark and Jackson, Youngjae and Bambam and Yugyeom, they've all been telling me that he'll be the one who saves you. But you're still so convinced that you can't be saved.” Sungjin continues on.
He grabs Jaebum’s arm. “I think that, maybe, it’s time to see once and for all who’s right.”
Suddenly Jaebum understands with bone-deep horror what exactly is going on, what Sungjin is planning to do.
“Don’t bring Jinyoung into this- “ he starts, voice rising almost hysterically. “Stop- “
He steps back again, tries to swing his arm away, but it's too late. Sungjin takes a hold of his right wrist, the one with the bracelet of old prayer beads, and with one swift motion, rips the bracelet from Jaebum’s arm.
“Stop!”
.
.
.
The first time he transformed, Jaebum was left in the confines of his makeshift prison cell, crying in agony, for two whole days. There was no way for him to understand what was happening to him. He'd cried for his mother blindly, scared and confused, clawing at the doors because it was so dark, he couldn't see , and he'd been hurting so bad. So bad. It was waves and waves of pain, nausea, acute and all encompassing, the likes of which he could never have fathomed in his entire life.
It never got any better.
Jaebum can feel his body tearing itself apart now, that familiar sensation of simultaneous growth and rot. His arms and neck and ribs crack as they extend out, stretching thin. His hands swell disproportionately to the rest of his body as claws curve out of them.
His skin, sizzling into a rough, brown, waxy texture that wraps tightly around his disfigured, elongated body like leather. His teeth, sharpened into ridged fangs. His eyes, dark and bulging.
A monster.
.
.
.
An enduring memory: The sheer relief Jaebum felt when he saw his mother after those two days. He was emaciated and weak, and had to crawl up to greet her.
The horrified look in her eyes. Repulsed. Disgusted. How she’d vomited from the mere sight of him. How she had to be carried out of the room. And who could blame her, really? Jaebum was disgusting. A monster, they'd called him, and they were right. A twisted, barbaric thing with just enough mental facilities to warrant not being shot down like a rabid animal.
For years, Jaebum had gotten really good at pretending that that thing wasn't him. A threat in the abstract, as long as he kept the prayer beads on his person at all times. And it'd been working out for him. So long as he knew him as Im Jaebum the person, or even Im Jaebum the cat, Jaebum would be fine.
But who was he kidding anyway? He was born into cyclical misfortune. Nothing good ever stayed.
And so, in the corners of his vision, he sees Jinyoung standing by the edge of the veranda.
“Don’t- “ He screams, a horrible screeching sound, like nails clawing on a chalkboard. It rattles the trees, scaring off the flocks of birds who had been resting on their branches. “Don’t look at me!”
But Jinyoung never ever ever listened to him when it mattered, and so he looks, eyes wide open and horrified. Repulsed. Disgusted. And Jaebum knows then that it’s over.
It’s over.
It’s over.
.
.
.
The first thing Jinyoung notices is the smell.
He thinks absurdly of this one time, when Jaebum had combed through Jinyoung’s shitty off-campus apartment during finals, picking up after his clothes and garbage with a disgusted wrinkle of his nose.
“Just. Smell this shit.” He had said, shoving a carton of what used to be food in front of Jinyoung’s sleep-deprived face. “And think about what you’ve done.”
“Oh my god.” Jinyoung had screamed, suddenly awake and leaping away from him. “That's been here? Did someone die in that thing?”
“Oh trust me, a dead body will smell even worse.” Jaebum said, flapping open a heavy-duty garbage bag. “Luckily, I'm here to make sure you never experience that particular brand of hell.”
But Jinyoung knows now, the smell of death, of rotting flesh. And he thinks hysterically that Jaebum was right, it’s so much worse. Compounded by the rain, surrounding him like a nauseating haze. It nearly brings him to his knees.
“Don’t- “ Jaebum screams. “Don’t look at me!”
Jaebum starts to back away, his mutated arms dragging, too large and heavy to maneuver with any precision. With a turn he leaps into the trees and disappears, at a speed Jinyoung knows to be impossible for any human to achieve.
“That is Jaebum’s ‘true’ form.” Sungjin explains to Jinyoung, sounding exhausted beyond his years. “The full extent of Jaebum’s curse.”
It’s pouring now. Soon enough, the claw marks on the ground will wash away. Any evidence of Jaebum’s transformation would disappear. But-
“Are you scared?” Sungjin asks. “Are you disgusted?”
But Jinyoung isn’t listening to him anymore. His legs are carrying him into the woods, where he saw Jaebum flee. He doesn’t have a plan, maybe he should have thought of a plan. But he keeps running anyway, half-tripping over vines and branches that have fallen in his path. All Jinyoung knows now, is that he needs to go where Jaebum is.
Eventually he finds Jaebum growling, crouched against a large tree, dragging his forehead aggressively down against it, chipping off the bark and leaving a large trail of blood in its place.
The smell is so pungent when Jinyoung is this close, he has to force himself to keep from dry-heaving.
“J-Jaebum hyung,” He shivers as he reaches out, hand brushing against Jaebum’s back. “Hyung, it’s raining.”
It’s a mistake, because Jaebum swings his arm around in surprise with a piercing “Leave!”
But he misinterprets how close Jinyoung is, and his claws tear through Jinyoung's shirt as he turns, leaving gaping, bloody gashes on Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung stumbles back as Jaebum shrieks in dismay, jumping back to put distance in between them.
“ Go away! Leave!”
“But you hate the rain.” Jinyoung says despairingly to him, slowly beginning to walk close again. Jaebum screeches for him to back off, but Jinyoung keeps approaching anyway. “You always skip class and hide in bed all day whenever it even drizzles so, why are you out here? Alone? When it's raining?”
Jinyoung knows that Jaebum would never hurt him, not intentionally, so long as he’s perfectly visible and predictable. And so he takes one final step, slow and intentional, so that he’s next to Jaebum.
“Let's go home.” He tries. His voice is firm, but his lips are quivering. From this close, Jaebum’s injuries are obvious and catastrophic. His head is covered in blood, one of his arms is bent at an awkward angle, trembling in its exertion. Jinyoung’s praying, praying that Jaebum doesn’t feel a thing.
“Leave!” Jaebum screams at him desperately, but he doesn’t move when Jinyoung places a hand on his good arm. Jinyoung arranges himself carefully so that he’s right in front of him, and leans in to rest his head against Jaebum’s shoulder.
“Hyung, let's go home, please.” Jinyoung begs. He can’t help the tears anymore, as he buries his face into Jaebum’s ridged chest. “There's still so many things I want to know about you, and so many things I want to do with you-”
Jaebum roars into the sky- a ragged, miserable sound.
“I know you’re hurting right now,” Jinyoung continues, clinging tightly onto Jaebum’s back now. “But this hurt, I want to share it with you too.”
His eyes are clenched shut and his body is trembling like an autumn leaf, so Jinyoung doesn’t fully notice when it starts to happen, the reversion.
But soon, he can feel the smooth expanse of Jaebum’s human skin, the softness of his hair, the gentleness of his breath. Jinyoung holds him like this, if only for a moment, before the turn.
The rain has stopped falling, and the sun begins to peek through.
Sungjin, soaking wet, drops to his knees with a hand over his mouth as he sees Jinyoung approach the house with Jaebum cradled in his arms.
“Thank you,” he sobs, his head touching the ground in gratitude. “Thank you.”
-
Jinyoung wakes up in his room with a sore body and a raging headache. The sun hasn’t even begun to rise, but Jinyoung knows there’ll be no more sleep for him if he doesn’t take care of this immediately.
He’s walking into the medicine cabinet to grab some painkillers when he notices someone sitting near the kitchen counter, curled over with his face in his hands. Jinyoung freezes when he realizes who it is, and reflexively brings a hand to his shoulder, feeling the unmistakable adhesive dressing there.
Yesterday was real. Everything that’s happened was real.
Jaebum bolts up when he finally notices Jinyoung. He opens his mouth to speak, but for a moment neither of them know what to say.
“How’s- “ Jaebum looks down. “How’s your shoulder?”
“It's fine, honestly.” Jinyoung says, as he walks towards him. “It looks a lot worse than it is.”
“That’s good.” Jaebum sinks back down to his stool. “That’s... good.”
“What about you?” Jinyoung stares at Jaebum’s arm, the prayer beads that are back around his wrist, and thinks about how mangled it was in his other form.
“Me?” Jaebum seems taken aback before he realizes what Jinyoung means. “Oh. I’m fine. It’s a monster thing, I guess. The injuries I take in that form... they heal fast. They’re irrelevant.”
“They’re not irrelevant.” Jinyoung says with a frown. “I saw you in pain.”
He brushes his fingers across Jaebum's forehead. His skin is flawless now, without a single scar or blemish.
“I’m sorry to make you worry.“ Jaebum blurts out, looking absolutely miserable. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for everything. That you found out about me. That you found out like this.”
“Jaebum hyung...” Jinyoung begins, taking a seat next to him, but Jaebum talks over him.
“When you first came here, when you first found out about all of... this,” Jaebum says unsteadily, “Family policy dictated that I contact the Main House. They'd send someone over to wipe your memory. We've done it before. It's really thorough. Wipes out everything they know about the family, including all of the people in it.”
Jaebum has his thighs in a death grip. Jinyoung reaches over to get him to let go, but Jaebum just bats him away.
“At the time I elected not to pursue that course of action, because if you forgot everything, I'd...“ he shudders, rubs at his face vigorously to compose himself. “Anyways. I didn’t, and the others agreed that'd you could keep our curse a secret.”
“What,” Jinyoung has to close his eyes to focus, this is too much to take in at once. He swallows thickly. “What are you saying, hyung?”
Jaebum continues on. “I don't really understand the logistics of it, if it's magic or whatever. But it's painless, and there aren't any side effects. A clean slate with no consequences. Like nothing’s ever happened.”
He takes a deep breath, and looks Jinyoung in the eyes for the first time since they’ve sat down. “I guess what I'm trying to say is that, the option is there if you think you don't want to- can't be around me.”
Jinyoung slides to the floor in disbelief. “Are- Are you trying to make me leave?”
“I’m not. I- “ Jaebum buries his face into his hands again. “I’m just trying not to make you feel obligated to stay.”
There are things Jinyoung wants that he knows he can't have. He wants to embrace Jaebum for real, and not to half-ass it. He wants to feel the press of his shoulders against his own. To have Jaebum’s arms wrap around his waist and hold him close. To be able to turn into Jaebum’s neck and breathe into his skin, sink into his warmth and doze off to it.
And Jinyoung knows that he’ll never have this, he knows. But-
But even this awful yearning, a yawning pit that claws into his chest, is still precious to him. That he loves Jaebum, Mark, Jackson, Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom. That he loves Jaebum. Suddenly it’s hard to breathe. He doesn’t want to forget. What they have now isn’t enough, but Jinyoung can make it be enough. He could do this. He'd be good, he'd-
“Hyung, don’t- “ Jinyoung chokes back a sob, clinging to Jaebum’s shirt in panicked distress. “Don’t make me forget.”
“I'd rather you forget me than hate me.” Jaebum says despondently into his hands. “I don't think I can live with you hating me.“
Jinyoung promptly stands up, upset that he'd wasted his tears on a moron.
“You’re so stupid and selfish.” He cries out, wiping angrily at his eyes. “If you think I’d hate you because of such an inane, frivolous thing when I’ve always- “ He hiccups. “Always- “
Because it's too early in the morning, and Jinyoung is too emotionally distressed, he can't be held accountable for failing to come up with the words to absolve him. But he knows what to do, instinctually, a want that his body has known for so long. So he sits back down on the stool next to Jaebum, drags his face up so that he’s facing Jinyoung, and leans in, waiting one, two, three seconds for Jaebum to pull back.
But he doesn’t, Jaebum stays perfectly still. So Jinyoung takes that first plunge, and closes the rest of the space between them.
For a first kiss, it's pretty gross. They both have nasty morning breath. They can’t really move any closer than they are now. And Jinyoung’s crying, so that’s awful and embarrassing.
But Jaebum seems to like it anyway, humming in approval, angling his head for easier reach, bringing his hand up to comb his fingers through Jinyoung’s dirty, greasy hair. And as for Jinyoung- well, Jinyoung is happy regardless, groaning into Jaebum’s mouth, putting his hands on Jaebum’s broad shoulders and leaning further in-
Jinyoung falls over with a yelp as Jaebum disappears, just barely catching himself on the stool he’d been sitting on. Jaebum- Jaebum the cat, jumps clumsily on top of the kitchen counter to avoid a possible collision. For a second Jinyoung just stays where he is, staring at the ground, hoping it’d swallow him whole. He looks up frantically to see Jaebum the cat stare at him with wide, mortified eyes.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry- I’m- I’m- “ Jinyoung meeps in abject horror, scrambling to his feet. “I’m gonna go back to my room now!”
And he flees the scene, leaving Jaebum the cat alone in the kitchen, his clothes messily strewn around him.
-
Sungjin leaves in the afternoon of the third day, but not before he sits down with Jaebum and Jinyoung one last time. He's sporting a mean, purpling bruise on his right cheekbone that makes that half of his face look puffy and ugly. Jackson sits anxiously next to Sungjin as the event’s mediator, while Mark hovers menacingly by the door.
When he begins to bow, proper and formal, Jaebum stands up quickly to try and stop him, but Sungjin’s determined to keep his head down.
“I wanted to apologise.” He says as he finally brings his head up. “What I did to you was unacceptable. I knew this even before Mark and Jackson so graciously told me so.”
“Okay no no no no no.” Jackson pipes up. “Don't lump the two of us together like that. I do not condone physical violence. I only yelled at you. That new tattoo you got?” He gestures to Sungjin’s cheek. “That's all Mark.”
He turns to Jinyoung and Jaebum with ominous foreboding. “Alllllllll Mark.”
Jaebum clears his throat awkwardly. “I can’t deny that I’m pretty pissed off right now.” He says. “But I understand, a little bit. Thank you for apologising.”
Everyone politely ignores Sungjin’s loud sniffle when Jaebum hugs him then.
As the four of them walk Sungjin outside to see him off, Sungjin takes one last look between Jaebum and Jinyoung, pats them over their shoulders, and beams at them both.
“I’m so happy for you two.” He exclaims sincerely, before he ducks into his car and promptly drives away.
Mark and Jackson stare at Sungjin’s departing car with open mouths before swinging their heads abruptly towards Jaebum and Jinyoung, who are looking away from each other, suddenly interested in other things.
“Are you- “ Mark begins as he squints. “Really?”
“Finally! Thank god!” Jackson cries. “Because just for you guys I wrote a whole handbook on how to do the nasty with someone who has the cur- ”
“Okay, my friend, you’re going to have to tone that down like ten notches.” Mark interrupts loudly as he claps a hand over Jackson’s mouth. He turns and shoots Jaebum and Jinyoung a glittering smile. “Take as much time as you guys need to organize any lingering thoughts or feelings. God knows we’ve been waiting long enough. A couple of more days won’t kill us.”
-
You free?, Jaebum texts Jinyoung just as he’s leaving the lecture hall, the last class of the day. School seems a little mundane after all that’s happened in the last few days, but a little bit of mundane is good for the soul. Jinyoung needs some time to decompress before a new crisis decides to blow up in his face.
Yeah, what’s up?, Jinyoung responds, after staring at his words for a good minute. They haven’t talked about the kiss since it happened. And while in the aftermath Jinyoung had curled up in bed in utter humiliation and prayed honestly for the sweet release of death, it hasn’t been as soul-crushingly awkward as it might sound. A testament to their compartmentalization skills.
But Jinyoung finds himself more careful with his words now, more cautious of Jaebum’s reactions. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Can we meet up?, comes the immediate reply. Jinyoung rolls his eyes fondly. Clearly, Jaebum wasn’t having the same issues he was.
The seasons are moving along at a robust and relentless pace. Today feels like winter, when just yesterday it had felt like fall would never end. The trees on campus shudder in their places, shaking out the stubborn vestiges of their brown, dying out leaves, wary of an encroaching chill. It's not quite cold enough to take out the goose feathers and down padding, but this morning Jaebum had went into storage, where the portable heaters and electric bed sheets sat in a forgotten corner next to a shattered air conditioner (Mark) and a refrigerator door that had been ripped off its hinges (also Mark), and contemplated for a long time before he shook his head and left the room.
Jinyoung walks with a pleasant lilt to his step as he puts away his phone and adjusts his jacket. The sky feels a bit muted and greyed out today, and a lot of things feel like they're happening too quickly. But Jinyoung is feeling alright anyway. He's not too wary of change.
The agreed upon location is only a couple of blocks from their house, a mostly quiet residential street with a couple of shops. He spots Jaebum leaning against a wall, looking down at his phone with a concerned expression. Jinyoung calls out to him with a wave as he begins to walk towards him.
“Stop, stop!” Jaebum yells, sticking his hand out in a frantic gesture. “Stay right there, or else I’m gonna lose my nerve!”
This was ridiculous. “Why?!” Jinyoung calls out, but Jaebum’s ignoring him, totally in his own head.He slaps himself in the face before he looks back up at Jinyoung.
“Park Jinyoung!“ Jaebum shouts, before he seems to give up on what he’s about to say, and curls up into his knees in apparent embarrassment.
“What?” Jinyoung returns, getting a little annoyed now. Jaebum seems to be giving himself a little pep talk, smacking his forehead against his hands a couple of times before he gets back up.
“Park Jinyoung!” Jaebum tries again, this time with more confidence. “I know that I kind of suck, and my family kind of sucks, and that being with me for all of these years has been really hard!” He stops momentarily to heave in a big breath. “But I just wanted to say ‘Thank you!’ for being by my side all this time! And that! I’m in love with you! I’ve been in love with you for a trillion years!!”
If Jinyoung had been holding something valuable, he would have dropped it, one hundred percent. He might be hallucinating. Honestly, he might still be in his tent, sick out of his mind, making all of this up in some crazy lucid fever dream. He pinches himself hard to make sure, and flinches back for his efforts. Yeah no, this is real all right.
But Jinyoung’s dreamed of this so many times, in so many iterations, that he finds that his answer comes easily.
“Im Jaebum!” Jinyoung yells back. “I’ve been in love with you since the day you stood up in class and told ssaem that he was an ignoramus!”
Jaebum coughs violently, looks up like he can’t believe what he’s heard. He starts walking slowly towards him, looking at Jinyoung with revelation in his eyes. “Will you go out with me, Park Jinyoung?!”
Jinyoung starts walking as well, finds that this is easy too. “Of course I will, Im Jaebum!!”
They both stop just before they meet halfway, suddenly shy about the weight of their admissions. Jaebum moves first, reaches out to take Jinyoung’s hand and pull him a little closer.
“Can I hug you Jinyoung?” He asks.
“We're outside,” Jinyoung whispers, but no one's nearby when he looks around. “You’ll turn.”
“I don't care, I don't even care!” Jaebum says, with a ridiculously joyful laugh. “Even if I turn into a stupid cat. Whatever! I've never been so happy in my life!”
He leans in for a kiss. At first, it’s just this, Jinyoung opening his mouth to let him in, their tongues swirling around each other, testing, tasting. Jaebum steps closer and brings his hands to Jinyoung’s waist, pulling him in. Jinyoung’s fingers flutter around Jaebum’s neck before he stretches out, and wraps his arms around him, feeling blissfully reckless, content to enjoy this while it lasts, waiting for the inevitable fallout.
One second passes.
Then two.
Then an entire minute where they are frozen, clutching tightly at each other.
But Jaebum still doesn't turn.
Jaebum pulls back suddenly, looking at Jinyoung with his eyes stupidly wide and mouth gaping. He steps back further, glancing at his surroundings, before he frantically grabs his bracelet and tugs at it, hard.
The bracelet gives easily. The beads plop off in all directions, bouncing off the ground and rolling away. Jaebum and Jinyoung both watch in bewilderment as one of the beads rolls to a gentle stop in front of Jinyoung’s feet.
But still, nothing happens.
“Oh my god,” Jinyoung breathes, stepping towards him. When Jaebum looks up, his eyes are shell-shocked, completely unaware of the tears that are indiscriminately rolling down his face.
“Oh my god.” Jaebum replies, and they grab at each other’s faces for another, searing kiss, so much more desperate than the one before. A panicked reaction to their emotions. A shared confirmation of their exhilaration.
After a second, Jinyoung shoves him back.
Jaebum stumbles with a grunt and glares at him with the most offended expression. “What the hell?”
“Stop. Crying .” Jinyoung wails hysterically. “You’re making me cry! I have cried more in this past week than I have in my entire life!”
“I can’t help it!” Jaebum wails right back, but he's smiling maniacally through his red, tear-stained face. “Why aren’t you hugging me?!”
And because he (finally) can, Jinyoung runs up to Jaebum again and crushes him in a bone-crushing embrace, knocking the air out of their bodies. Jaebum, who had been frigidly tense from emotion, begins relax into him, and they weep together for a day that they never thought would come.
Jinyoung wonders if Jaebum ever let himself imagine it, the day he'd be set free from the curse. If he did, Jinyoung wonders if it’s as wonderful as he’d imagined. Jinyoung had, perhaps, thought of something a little more formal, ceremonial. Something more fitting of a curse that spanned out so wide, and for so long.
But this, Jaebum breathing unsteadily with his head resting against Jinyoung’s shoulder, tears staining his jacket, as Jinyoung presses his cheek against Jaebum’s head, one hand warm around his neck while the other rubs circles over his back. This isn't so bad. Pretty good in fact. It’s freaking fantastic.
“Keep walking, assholes!” Jinyoung shouts gleefully at a couple of pedestrians who've stopped to look at them in concern. “We’re having a moment!”
Jaebum’s voice cracks as he laughs wetly into Jinyoung’s neck, and Jinyoung thinks that's just about the most beautiful sound he's ever heard.
-
“You have your plane ticket right?” Jaebum checks off meticulously. “Your passport? Your student visa forms? Power adaptor?”
“I have them. I've had them the last ten times you checked.” Youngjae complains.
“Hold up, Concourse F, I think this is it.” Jinyoung says, stopping Youngjae’s luggage cart with his foot.
Jaebum places a hand around Youngjae’s neck, rubbing affectionately. “Indulge me, will you? No one’s going to spoil you on the other side of the planet.”
Figures, that Youngjae would be the first to arrive, and the last to leave. One by one, Jinyoung saw the house empty as its occupants moved out, moving on to bigger and better things for the first time in their lives. It’s been a little bittersweet, wiping down and dusting off bedrooms with no masters. But overall, the tone of the summer has been jubilant, and their group chat is robust, so Jinyoung knows that the others will never stray too far away.
By now, Jinyoung and Jaebum are well acquainted with the art of departure, having sent off Mark, and then Jackson, and then Yugyeom and Bambam, in over the top, emotional ceremonies of farewell.
And in every farewell there’s one thing Jinyoung always has to do.
“It’s time.” Jinyoung says solemnly, spreading his arms out wide and beckoning Youngjae to come hither. “Bring it in.”
The novelty of hugging these guys may simply never wear off. Yugyeom kept bursting into tears whenever Jinyoung wrapped him around his arms, all the way up til the day he and Bambam left for university, heaving deep, pitiful sobs when Jinyoung bought them both in for a tight hug that'd lasted for several long minutes.
“Dude, you're embarrassing me!” Bambam had said to him loudly as they boarded the KTX out of the city. But he'd been bringing Yugyeom’s sleeve up to his nose to wipe off his nasty snot, having been sniffling pathetically through tears streaming freely down his face the entire time.
Youngjae’s a bit calmer than that, no ugly crying or phlegm clinging to his throat, but his eyes are shining when he pulls back from Jinyoung's hug.
“Thanks for everything Jinyoung hyung, I mean it.” He says, smiling so sincerely that Jinyoung flushes. “You changed our lives.”
Jinyoung smiles right back at him. “I think you did that well enough all on your own.”
“Alright, I think that's enough for now. London’s waiting for its next musical prodigy.” Jaebum hugs Youngjae just as tightly, rocks them side to side in a playful motion. “Call me as soon as you land, okay?”
“Okay hyung!” Youngjae says, for the last time in a long time, while Jinyoung tries to will back the prickling feeling behind his eyes.
All too soon, Youngjae is walking away, looking small with his floppy hat and gigantic carry on backpack, jumping and waving fervently back at them. “Good bye! Adios! Sayonara! Take good care of Jaebum hyung for me, Jinyoung hyung!”
“Get out of my sight!” Jaebum calls out.
“Take lots of pictures!” Jinyoung shouts.
They wave until Youngjae disappears entirely, masked by the crowds of people filing in a mesh of a line for security. Jaebum sighs, bringing his arm down to wrap it around Jinyoung's shoulders, dragging him flush against his side.
“I guess it's just you and me now.” He says wistfully.
“Admit it,” Jinyoung teases, tucking his chin over Jaebum’s shoulders. “You miss all of them. You're gonna make too much to eat and set out too many plates, then cry yourself to sleep because our Jaebummie-hyung is a total softie~”
“You'll have to kill me first.” Jaebum grumbles, nuzzling into Jinyoung's hair.
Jinyoung snorts, sliding an arm around Jaebum’s waist. “Well, I'm big enough to admit that it'll be pretty lonely. There's too much space in the house for just two people.”
Jaebum turns to him fully to give him a proper, inquiring look. “Do you want to move out? Some place smaller?”
He considers it with a thoughtful hum, looking up at the grand panes of glass arching over them as they exit the airport. “I think, if you're okay with it, I think I want to stay.”
The house wasn’t the prison everyone had grown up in, it was a true home. Some place, warm and inviting, to come back to when they’re feeling lost or alone. A reminder that no matter where they went, they would always have a place somewhere. A promise that one day, they would all meet again.
“We can just adopt a trillion cats to fill up the space.” Jinyoung reasons. “I've been missing cat Jaebum a lot recently.”
“Is that so?” Jaebum purrs against Jinyoung's neck, chasing after him as Jinyoung pulls away, shrieking in laughter.
An eternal banquet has finally ended. Tonight, Jinyoung and Jaebum will eat alone for the first time, and it might be a little too quiet, a little bit depressing. But Mark will call them during his morning run along the Malibu coastline. Jackson will send a series of pictures unnecessarily documenting his quest to find a fucking restroom in the middle of Wenceslas Square, captioned by escalating question marks of panic.
After dinner, Yugyeom will jokingly send Jaebum his empty DiffiQ problem set with many many heart emojis, which Jaebum will resolutely ignore. They might sneak through Bambam’s Instagram, where there’ll be five new pictures showcasing his newly silver hair.
As they’re getting ready for bed, they’ll worriedly watch over a jetlagged Youngjae through the cracked screen of Jaebum’s phone, as he tries to ask for directions to the Royal College in bashful, fumbled English.
On that street, on that fateful day, as they were both gathering their composure, Jinyoung had knelt to pick up the prayer beads that Jaebum had scattered all over the ground. He was careful not to miss a single one, taking off his jacket so that he can wrap them up and keep them safe.
And maybe Jaebum wouldn’t have mourned a single bit, had these beads been destroyed for good, simply burned out of existence forever. For him, the beads symbolized a past self that he wished nothing more than to die forgotten. But for Jinyoung, this was a past self that he loved all the same. He loved the very Jaebum that had angrily pushed him away, in fear of someone getting too close. When Jaebum had turned into his ‘true’ form, Jinyoung loved him even still.
So Jaebum hadn’t said anything when Jinyoung poured the beads into a small ceramic bowl and tucked them in a nondescript corner of their dresser, not hidden, but insignificant in the midst of all the photos and trinkets that are stuffed there. He'll look at them briefly from the novel he’s reading and feel... nothing, nothing but gratitude to the one who'd held his hand and led him here.
Meanwhile, Jinyoung will look at the beads as he turns off their bedroom lights and smile. He'll worm his way into bed and rest his head on Jaebum’s chest, listening to the steady thudding of his heartbeat until they doze off peacefully to sleep.
And with that, an eternal banquet will have finally ended,
So that a new one can begin.
The crosswalk light blinks green, and a sea of people start moving around them from both directions. Jaebum leans over to Jinyoung, murmurs like it’s a secret. “Home?”
The sun’s shining so brightly that Jinyoung has to squint when he looks to Jaebum, turning his head to give him a chaste kiss.
“Home.”