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Life never had been easy for Sam.
As long as he could remember there always had been someone else in charge: First patronized by his father and suffocated by his brother’s excessive need to protect him, he soon afterwards found himself pawn to the schemes of the Yellow-Eyed-Demon, of Lilith and Ruby and, never to forget, Lucifer.
His life was slipping through his fingers, the loss of control frightening and angering him in equal measure and although he had been fighting against fate for so long now he deep down inside his soul knew that each and every struggle was bound to be futile, nothing but a pathetic attempt to change a destiny that had been written long before he even was born.
There was nothing he could do to escape.
His helplessness was driving him insane and abandoning all hope had been almost too easy, especially when there was no-one to rely on. There once had been a time when he and Dean had trusted each other blindly but those times were nothing but a faint memory now and Sam often had toyed with the idea of ending everything right there and then with a quick bullet to the brain – until Gabriel, quite literally, happened.
Like a force of nature the former trickster had wormed his way in Sam's life and, after a rather exhausting hunt, right into the human's bed.
He didn’t know how desperate he longed for some control – until he and Gabriel started sleeping together, occasionally at first, but with growing regularity he discovered things about himself he never thought possible.
Gabriel granted him exactly what he wanted and when he offered himself up to Sam for the taking the younger Winchester leapt at the opportunity to finally get what he craved; a submissive partner that would do anything for him.
To be in charge inside the bedroom was the only kind of control he had left and he enjoyed it thoroughly.
He was the one that brought an archangel to his knees and it was a terrible beautiful feeling Sam never wanted to miss again.
A tiny voice inside his head told him that he just was getting off on controlling a creature so more powerful than him, that it was only lust not love, that he was using Gabriel for his own pleasure but he quickly squashed it. It was all he ever wanted and after all those terrible things that had happened in his life he deserved to finally be the one calling all the shots.
But like almost every time before he didn’t realise that nothing was just as simple as he thought.
+++
"Come here."
Without the slightest hesitation Gabriel went down on all fours and started crawling. Sam watched him through half lidded eyes, savouring the sight of the former trickster’s naked body making his way on hands and knees in his direction.
"Look at me."
Gabriel looked up, his amber eyes meeting the blazing green ones of his lover. Sam buried his hand in the soft strands and gently pulled his head back, hot hungry gazes drowning in each other, until he found the devotion he longed to see.
"Beautiful."
The intensity of Sam’s gaze caused the archangel to squirm. Smiling the hunter explored the soft skin of Gabriel’s face with his fingertips, trailing over cheek and mouth and down the exposed neck, sending a lustful shiver over the angel’s naked body.
"Beautiful." Sam repeated and leaned in, planting a hungry kiss on the other male's lips.
"I've got a present for you. Tell me, do you think you deserve it?"
"A present? What is it?" Excitement coloured Gabriel’s voice but at the same moment he seemed to remember his place and he quickly lowered his gaze. "I deserve whatever you give to me."
Sam laughed and enjoyed the fiery blush heating up his angel’s face. The archangel clearly was embarrassed about his slip-up and Sam couldn’t help but admire the way his pale skin coloured up in humiliation.
"It's alright, I'm not angry." Sam patted Gabriel’s head in a patronizing way he was sure Gabriel despised with all his heart but for breaking his role, even if for a short moment, he deserved a little punishment. It would have been better to deal out physical punishment in an immediate response to the misdeed and Sam usually did, but sometimes the hunter preferred to keep going on, especially when he was so turned on that need to fuck Gabriel was almost overwhelming.
Relieved that he hadn’t blown their game Gabriel leaned in his touch and rubbed his cheek lightly against Sam’s thigh. "I’ll do anything to please you."
"Show me." Trembling slightly with need Sam opened his pants. Freeing his erection he needn’t to say something. Without hesitation Gabriel leaned forward and pressed his lips to the head of Sam's member, his tongue caressing the slit in the most promising way before the angel opened his mouth and swallowed him to the hilt.
Sam gasped in surprise, the wet heat suddenly surrounding his aching member almost his undoing. Not able to restrain himself any longer he began to thrust. He could feel the pressure rising and knew that he wouldn't last long. Bucking his hips forward and burying himself deeper and deeper he finally came with a shuddering sigh, warm seed spilling down his pet's throat.
Gabriel's mouth was swollen and sore and so very red… Sam licked his lips and felt himself harden again. But no, he wouldn't let himself get distracted again. There was something he had been planning to do for a long time now and Sam was determined to carry his plan through.
He covered the angel's face with his hand, using his thumb to wipe away the small string of semen still sitting in the corner of Gabriel's mouth.
"Close your eyes."
Gabriel obeyed almost immediately and Sam quickly leaned over the armrest of his chair, grabbing the bag he had hidden behind it. He had bought the collar already a while ago but never found the nerve to take their relationship this particular step further. Now he turned the plain black leather collar over in his hands and slipped it around the angel’s neck. He quickly closed the forged iron buckle in its back and tipped Gabriel’s head back to admire his handiwork.
"Sam..."
Gabriel’s hands flew up to his neck and touched the collar in silent wonderment.
"It suits you." Sam gathered Gabriel up in his arms and walked over to other side of the room where he flung the angel down onto the bed. Within seconds he was straddling the lithe body of his lover, hands pinning the angel’s wrists against the mattress.
It were moments like these Sam loved the most, those incredible precious moments when he had his angel all spread out for him, pliantly submitting to all those eager touches and hungry glances trailing over his skin.
"Delicious..."
Breathlessly panting Gabriel squirmed and writhed beneath him but Sam slowly worked his way over his lover’s chest, tongue leisurely circling one of the angel’s nipples. Keening Gabriel arched his back and Sam slid between Gabriel’s legs, eagerly pressing forward.
"Mine."
The incredible warmth of Gabriel’s body took him in and when Gabriel's channel surrounded his member with velvety smoothness Sam groaned lustfully and immediately started to thrust. Face buried in Gabriel’s neck the hunter completely missed the look of hesitating happiness lighting up the angel's face.
+++
Later Sam would ask himself what the hell he had been thinking but at this moment it just was the right thing to do and when the collar closed around his lovers neck it felt... good, perfect even. And it wasn’t as if Gabriel was complaining. For a moment the angel seemed surprised, regarding Sam with a calculating look, but then he melted into the cushions, once more all pliant and malleable and Sam liked this side of Gabriel far too much to not lose himself in this mind-blowing perfection the angel's body provided him with.
Afterwards, when they were both breathless and too sore to move, Sam reached over and snapped the collar open, letting it fall down harmlessly onto the pillows. Drawing Gabriel into his arms he snuggled closer, never seeing the confusion in his lovers eyes.
+++
At first Sam didn't even notice that something was off.
The changes were small and insignificant, nothing to worry about. On the contrary. Sam liked the way Gabriel now tried to be polite towards Dean just because the hunter had insinuated that he would appreciate for them to go along.
He even found it amusing how the former trickster would throw almost shy glances in his direction whenever he snapped up something unhealthy – as if he felt guilty about enjoying his sweets when it was so clear that Sam didn't approve.
There were several other things that had changed too but each and every difference had proved to be an improvement in Gabriel’s behaviour so far and for once Sam decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth, contently enjoying the fact that the unreliable trickster finally seemed to revert back into the – hopefully responsible and helpful – archangel Gabriel.
Sam lived in blissful ignorance for more than a month before he started to realise that he should have paid more attention to his angel. The morning Gabriel flat out refused to snap up pancakes for his breakfast, stating in an astonishingly reasonable voice that he wouldn't eat them anymore because Sam he had decided to take better care of his vessel by changing his diet, was the moment Sam became suspicious at last.
Something significantly had changed and it had taken him forever to notice.
+++
The bar was crowded and full of voices, the sound of balls colliding on the pool-table and the clinking of glasses.
The two hunters and their angels had managed to secure themselves a table and now Sam was sprawled on his chair, tiredly nursing a beer. The hunt had been rough and Sam wanted nothing more than to wind down by watching Dean while he hustled pool before he finally returned to the motel where he planned to fuck his angel into the mattress.
Gabriel was sitting next to him, close enough for Sam to caress his thigh with teasing movements, every now and then deliberately brushing over the angel's crotch, enjoying the sharp intake of breath and the faint blush on Gabriel's cheeks. Castiel had chosen to follow Dean, watching him play, so they had their table all for themselves and Sam intended to make the most of it.
"Can I get you another beer?"
Both males turned their heads when the waitress materialised next to them and Gabriel responded immediately, openly flirting with the girl. Suddenly he laughed at something the waitress told him, while simultaneously stroking back his hair and Sam nearly choked on his beer.
What the…?
Gabriel was wearing his collar. In public. It was barely visible beneath his jacket but for Sam it was the last piece missing in the puzzle and the possible reason for the angel’s decision made his stomach churn.
Suddenly it all made sense.
He had been so caught up in his own little problems that he completely missed that at one point for Gabriel fantasy had become reality.
"Is something the matter, Sam?"
How someone could look cunning and innocent at the same time was completely beyond him but there was nothing he could do right now.
"No. Everything’s fine."
Sam closed his hand around Gabriel’s neck, nervously playing with the buckle of the collar and decided that they would talk as soon as they returned to the motel. But first he needed to give himself some Dutch courage.
+++
Sam was lying on his bed with his arms crossed behind his head and stared at the dirty ceiling, feeling utterly disgusted with himself.
He was a coward, an egoistical, self-loving coward, drowning in anger and self-pity. Weak. Pathetic.
He had planned to talk to Gabriel but as soon as the door to their motel room closed behind them all his good intentions had flown out the window when Gabriel had turned around, gracefully falling to his knees, before he started to mouth Sam's impressive erection through his trousers.
Some would say he should call himself lucky to have a willing angel at his beck and call. Some would even call him a moron for questioning said angel's well-being when Gabriel so obviously wanted Sam to dominate him. But Sam had never been someone to place his own wants and needs above anyone else.
And wasn't that was the crux of the matter?
He had raged against his destiny, had fought against being used and controlled by almost everyone and still he wasn’t able to go against his moral convictions. The thought of having at least one part of his life under control had meant so much to him and now when it finally seemed as if Gabriel was well and truly his - he backed down.
Well, he really was rather useless, wasn't he? He should have known that his attempts at ruthlessness were foredoomed from the beginning.
"Sam?"
Gabriel came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of faded jeans riding indecently low on his hips, the tears in the light-blue denim allowing random on-lookers a fairly good impression of the angel's slender legs.
Swallowing hard Sam let his eyes trail over the angel's body, hungrily taking in every inch of breathtaking perfection displayed right in front of him. The small archangel always had this effect on him and Sam felt himself growing hard again. But then his eyes reached the angel's neck and Sam's erection vanished as if he had been doused with cold water.
"Why are you wearing this?"
The archangel stopped dead in his tracks, confusion evident on his face. "But you said that you love it when I’m wearing clothes that look like..."
"I'm not talking about your clothes." Sam was already on his feet, reaching Gabriel within a second. "I'm talking about this!"
He tapped his fingers against the collar Gabriel still was wearing. The angel frowned, clearly not seeing the point Sam was trying to make.
"I'm sorry, Gabriel. I should have realised how much you needed me to keep a clear head and I failed you. It won't happen again."
Fearful understanding was dawning in the golden eyes of his lover but still Gabriel denied the truth. The archangel clearly struggled with what Sam was hinting at and that desperation more than anything confirmed Sam in his resolution that he needed to do something because Gabriel clearly had lost his ability to think rationally.
Actions spoke louder than words, though, and so Sam grabbed Gabriel's shoulders and turned him around, his hands closing around the collar.
Gabriel stiffened under his touch. "What are you doing?"
"I'm taking off the collar. I cannot go on like this. Not when I know that I’m abusing you."
"What? Sam, no!" Gabriel twisted out of his grasp, hands pleadingly held out in front of him. "Don't do this to me."
Sam inhaled deeply, steeling himself for what he now had to do next. But it was only for the angel's own good. He quickly stepped forward and took hold of Gabriel again, this time succeeding. Seconds later the collar hit the floor with a soft thud.
Gabriel backed away again, his face a painful mask of hurt and betrayal.
"I hope you understand why I can't do this anymore. It's not healthy. Taking advantage of you has never been my intention."
"I thought…" Gabriel trailed off, clearly thinking about what to say next. There was something painfully vulnerable in his voice, something Sam never had heard before. It nearly broke his heart. "It was what I wanted – what I still want. I need you, Sam."
"You don't need me, Gabriel. On the contrary. I'm slowly killing you and you are so far gone that you don't even notice."
"That's not…"
Sam held up his hand, interrupting his angel mid-sentence. "I know what you want to say, but believe me it's for your own good."
The following silence was almost deafening then Gabriel drew in a shaky breath and straightened himself with visible effort and before Sam even could say another word Gabriel snapped his fingers and was gone.
+++
"Here you go, sweetheart."
Sam didn’t even bother to look up when the waitress placed another beer in front of him.
Two weeks without a word from his angel. Two weeks full of worrying and self-reproaching and the certainty that he unintentionally had made the biggest mistake of his life although he still couldn’t comprehend what had happened.
He had thought to do the right thing but like almost every time before his good intentions turned out to be complete disaster.
It seemed he couldn’t do anything right at all.
The tell-tale rustle of a trench-coat brought him out of his reverie but still Sam refused to look up. Castiel was the last person he wanted to see right now. Especially since he most probably knew exactly what had happened between his brother and the hunter and would feel the need to…
"We need to talk."
Sam closed his eyes and for a short moment he allowed himself to believe, that Castiel would take the hint and leave him alone but of course he should haven known better. Only a split second later the angel took the seat on the opposite side of the table and fixed him with an accusing stare.
"You hurt him."
Not willing to talk to Cas of all people about his feelings Sam continued to stare into his beer. Ever since Gabriel had walked, or more precisely flown, out on him he felt terrible and the angel’s reproachful remarks only increased his misery.
"Do you know how hard it was for Gabriel to finally let himself hope again?" Castiel stated out of the blue and grabbed the beer, sliding the glass over the table where he started to play with it. This behaviour was completely atypical for the normally so calm and composed angel that Sam did look up at last.
"After Lucifer's fall Gabriel was… devastated." Castiel still was playing with the beer and it was clear that it was hard for him to find the right words. "The relationship between the archangels was something special. They were closer than any of us and they shared basically everything and when Lucifer rebelled it was as if someone had ripped out their hearts. Gabriel was the only one trying to keep it all together, but neither Michael nor Raphael, were interested in continuing like they had before and so Gabriel finally left."
There were hundreds of questions already burning on Sam’s tongue but the hunter decided against asking them. It was obvious that there was something specific Castiel wanted to tell him and so he kept his mouth shut.
"When Father decided to leave Gabriel just wasn't needed anymore. He became… redundant. It is a concept angel's are not made to comprehend. We need our siblings and we need someone to tell us what to do. For me it wasn't that hard because the archangel's are my superiors and therefore I'm obliged to obey their orders. Gabriel on the other hand…"
Gabriel was an archangel himself. Sam could see it all too clearly now. God leaving his children alone and the one he had created to be his messenger now was ignored by his older brother's – the only angel's in heaven authorised to command him.
What had he done?
"My brother loves his family. He’s sensitive and understanding and when his older brothers turned their backs on him it broke his heart." Suddenly Castiel leaned forward and placed his hand on Sam’s arm, causing the hunter to flinch at the sudden movement. Their eyes locked, intensive blue meeting hazel and Sam almost felt hypnotized by the raw pain he could see in those expressive orbs.
"You have done the same."
At first Sam didn’t understand but when the words finally sank in he recoiled as if he had been slapped.
"All he wanted was a chance to have a family again – a chance of belonging."
Every word cut him like a knife, slicing through the thin layers of self-pity and deception until the feeling of guilt became overwhelming.
"He trusted you and you pushed him away. Do you even remotely understand what you did to him? You tricked him into believing that you cared and Gabriel, who after Lucifer never had trusted anyone, finally allowed himself to open up."
By now Castiel's voice had lost all his previous anger, all that remained was sadness.
"Can you imagine how he felt when all of his hopes were thrown back into his face? He thought you were strong enough to take care of him but he obviously was more than wrong. You are nothing but a weak and egoistic human after all."
He thought it was the right thing to do. All he wanted was to protect Gabriel from himself because... because... he loved him.
He was such a fool.
Without thinking about it Sam pushed back his chair and stood up. "Excuse me, Cas. There is something I need to do right now."
He turned around and left the bar. Castiel watched him go, a satisfied little smile on his lips.
+++
To find an angel who didn’t want to be found proved to be near to impossible. Sam tried praying, tried shouting and screaming, at one point he even considered begging but Gabriel refused to return.
When asked, Castiel only confirmed that Gabriel was alive and well but his whereabouts were completely off limits.
Sam finally decided to try something completely different. Determined to at least get the chance to apologize he looked up an incantation to summon a pagan god or – more precisely – a trickster.
It worked.
It was hard to tell who was more surprised – Gabriel or him. But the moment the archangel appeared in the small circle Sam had drawn on the floor of the motel room Sam had fallen to his knees, head bowed in subservience.
For a long time neither human nor angel said a word then Gabriel drew in a deep breath, resignation clear in his voice.
"What do you want, Sam?"
Now it was Sam who inhaled deeply, uncertain if his plan would work out the way he hoped to.
"I’m sorry. I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe. I never wanted to hurt you but I did and... I know it’s unforgivable but I want you to know how terrible sorry I am for treating you the way I did."
"Sorry won’t cut it, Sam."
"I know, I know but... please believe me when I say that all I could think of was to make sure that I don’t end up hurting you. I thought I abused you because you had lost your sense of reality somehow..." Sam trailed off, the sheer arrogance of his assumptions making him feel even more foolish. He tried to patronize a being that had been around for millennia and he didn't even notice how presumptuous he had been – until now. Embarrassment coloured his cheeks fiery red and suddenly the hunter felt like suffocating.
Dear God, Gabriel would never forgive him.
"Leave my Father out of this." Gabriel sounded far too amused for someone who had all the right in the world to be angry with him and Sam slowly allowed himself to hope that maybe – maybe – not all was lost.
Placing all of his eggs in one basket the hunter slowly, deliberately, held out his hands, offering the collar to his angel, hoping that Gabriel would understand what he wanted to tell him.
"Sam…"
There was an unreadable expression in Gabriel's eyes that Sam just couldn't fathom – caution, desire, hope – flickering through the golden depths, too fast for Sam to distinguish them. For a long time Gabriel just stared at him, making the hunter squirm before he carefully lifted the collar out of Sam's hands.
Sam climbed to his feet, still not sure if Gabriel really accepted him back but then he found himself with an armful of archangel.
"Please tell me you won't take it off. Ever." Sam felt Gabriel shivering in his arms and brought his mouth next to Gabriel's ear. "You are mine."
"Yours." Gabriel agreed and willingly tilted back his head to give Sam better access to his neck. The collar snapped closed and for a moment Sam felt like panicking but then Gabriel threw his arms around his neck, bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss.
The prospect of taking full responsibility for another being was unaccustomed and frightening but Gabriel was worth it.
Sam smiled and answered the kiss with fervour.
END