Chapter Text
Dean’s been feeling like crap all evening, but this moment, right here? This is the worst. This is absolute worst of the worst, because Cas is sitting right next to him, gorgeous as fuck in his suit and not knowing the half of it, and his face – Jesus, his face.
He’s still staring at the stupid little charm Dean put on for him. Dean’s surprised, yet he’s not surprised, that Cas went all the quiet at the sight of it, his grateful voice dropping to a whisper while Dean babbled in his ear about how he worked together with Dad to make a charm like for Mom.
Dean is pondscum.
See, it all makes sense when Dean’s by himself and can think about what’s really at stake. He’s had ages to process this and he knows for certain that this is the best for everyone. His and Cas’ marriage isn’t the real deal, and it’s not like Cas wants it, or him, in any way that matters. Sam, however, does need him. Mom and Dad need him, the crew need him. Cas will be fine with Rachel and Virgil and the rest of his posse, and he’ll eventually go back to his normal life ‘cause everyone knows that he’s not at fault here. Dean’s the one who jilted him, and Dean can take anything anyone can throw at his head for it – Michael, Ellen, whoever. It’ll work out, he knows it.
Yet right now Cas is sitting right there, almost close enough to touch, and he’s stroking the little charm like it isn’t a cheap piece of crap Dean banged out in the stupid garage back at the House. Cas’ eyes are soft and his fingers are almost vibrating, which Dean wouldn’t even notice if he weren’t staring so hard. Dean’s not that dumb, he can read between the lines of what Cas has been telling him. He knows that Cas doesn’t make a habit of getting gifts ‘cause most of the people he has in his life are shit. Hey, Dean’s shit as well, so there’s that.
“If our official relationship were authentic,” Castiel says quietly, “I would kiss you in thanks.”
Dean’s an asshole, because it’s easy as anything to say, “You can. I mean, I don’t mind. Public appearance and all that.”
Cas is gonna hate him. Dean’s gonna go, and Cas is gonna hate him, but Dean’s made peace with that. It’s totally okay that they’ll probably never see each again, as long as Cas is safe and Dean can go get shit done.
But that’s… later. Later. Victor and the others are waiting for him in the theater, but that’s ages from now. A whole hour, maybe.
Right now Dean is with Cas, who’s turning towards him, his eyes wide and lips slightly parted. Cas ain’t made the way Dean is, can’t meet Dean in the middle like how he almost wanted; maybe that would’ve bummed Dean out in another life, but they’re living this life. In this life, they gotta play pretend, sit nice and cozy next to each other, and kiss where people can see.
“Thank you for this, Dean,” Cas says.
Dean keeps his eyes open when Cas kisses him. He cannot let himself think even for sec that Cas actually wants to do this with him, but the fantasy is –
Jesus, Cas smells so good. He’s so patient, awkward, perfect, even when he’s being an asshole (and besides, Dean’s the biggest asshole of them all). Of course Dean would be so stupid as to fall for someone like Cas, who he doesn’t get most of the time and drives him crazy and kisses him like Dean’s goddamned precious or something.
Well, fuck it. Dean’s going anyway, right? Cas is gonna hate him anyway, right? He’d known coming out tonight that he’s got nothing to lose.
Dean closes his eyes and kisses back.
In another life – yet another life – they could be the best thing that ever happened to each other. In this moment, Dean lets himself believe in that life.