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Cat had never paid much attention to the medicine cabinet in her bathroom as a child. For starters she couldn't even see it properly without standing on a stool until she she was at least ten years old.
And even then it was nothing interesting, holding spare toothpaste and maybe a bottle of aspirin, it was nothing to rival the mountain of pill bottles hoarded in her parents’ bathroom.
Her brother used to sneak in and take them, stealing away to Cat's room to show her what he'd found. She never really understood what any of the hard to pronounce names meant but she feigned interest and ignored the nagging feeling that her family was just…. off.
Then Cat turned fourteen and got her period. After that her medicine cabinet became triage, pads, tampons, heat packs and dozens of bottles of painkillers for the cramps she had been underestimating her whole life until now.
Jade was already a seasoned veteran when Cat started, having had hers for over a year already. Jade had very little patience for anyone's crying and moaning but for Cat she made a silent exception.
Not that Cat would tell anyone that.
Jade would come over and press advil into Cat's palms along with a juice box and slide a DVD into the player. Always Disney. Jade never let them watch Disney any other time of the month.
The painkillers took the edge off but for the first few years Cat just could not get her head around the pain such a normal part of growing up was causing her.
She wasn't ashamed to cry around Jade usually, she sniffled at sad movies, kittens and any hint of romance amongst those she cared about. Jade was used to it, she knew what Cat was like.
But for some reason Cat couldn't stand to let Jade see her crying in pain. She held her breath and gripped her bedsheets furiously during the worst of it and pretended there were no tears running down her face.
Jade noticed everything about Cat Valentine however and put an arm gingerly around the smaller girl's shoulder, whispering in her ear “our little secret.”
Cat nodded, grimacing through the pain and placed a hand in Jade's lap.
Jade didn't move it.
---
When Cat turned fifteen she needed a bigger medicine cabinet. Painkillers were tossed out to make room for bottles with names Cat struggled to read, leaving her mother to organise them, while the patient lay defeated on her bed.
Jade would come over more often, telling the others she and Cat had “homework” when really they were fighting.
Jade fighting with Cat and Cat fighting with herself.
“Just take your meds,”
“I don't wanna,” Cat whined. She sat on the edge of her bed swinging legs back and forth in agitation while Jade held up a small plastic cup and a juice box.
“Why not?”
“They- they make me feel funny,” Cat bit her lip, deciding she didn't like crying in front of Jade for any reason now.
Jade sighed and knelt down, bringing her eyes to Cat’s level. Cat leaned back instinctively, it wasn't like Jade to be so patient if there wasn't a starring role in a play involved.
“Cat, you need to take them so you can come back to school, they'll make it quieter, so you can think properly in class,” Jade gently rattled the cup as she reasoned with Cat, causing the small colored pills to slide around the plastic.
Cat looked at them and her stomach lurched, remembering the first night she had taken them, a night of nausea and sleeplessness that not even Jade could ease.
“But what if, what if I'm sick at school?”
For a split second Jade's face softened into what was almost concern and Cat perked up, she didn't see this Jade often but she always noticed.
Cat noticed everything about Jade West.
“Then I'll hold your hair back,” she half whispered. Cat's lip wobbled, she could feel tears struggling to get through, she could deal with Jade yelling and rolling her eyes, she didn't like it but they were all used to it.
But when Jade was tender, soft, Cat was reminded of all the nights they were tender together and the nights Jade would never speak of in daylight.
“I'm- I'm sorr-” Cat started, an apology halfway done before the tears engulfed it and Jade is panicking because she doesn't do crying people and she doesn't do comforting people and she doesn't do caring about people but when Cat Valentine cries she'd do anything to make it stop.
She placed the cup on the nightstand and tossed the untouched juice box on to the floor, before sitting on the bed and sweeping Cat hastily into her lap.
Tears kept coming and black and red hair tangled together as Cat attempted vainly to wipe the tears from her cheeks. Jade shushed her gently and dabbed at Cat's eyes with her sleeve.
“Hey watch it, you're gonna get make up on my clothes,” she said sternly.
Cat paused, hiccuped, then gave the smallest giggle.
It was one of their oldest jokes. Cat had cried off dozens of bottles of mascara off on Jade's shoulders, chest and sleeves over the years but Jade didn't care because Jade always wore black.
Maybe Jade wouldn't care even if she wore white and pastels like Cat did, she was pretty sure she didn't care about anything when Cat was crying except Cat herself, but she'd never tell anyone that.
“Please, take them? School is quiet without you, I- we, miss having you around at lunch,” Jade said, catching herself just in time from reminding Cat that things between them were complicated.
Cat looked up at Jade with puffy, red, doe eyes and slowly nodded, “okay,” she whispered. But just for you, a small voice inside her head clarified.
Jade retrieved the juice box from the floor and unwrapped the straw while Cat emptied the contents of the plastic cup into her mouth with a wince.
An hour later she was whining for Jade to fetch her ginger ale and part of her wondered why her mom wasn't ever the one to bring it.
Two hours later the nausea had passed and Jade began to gather her things, Cat, who was wrapped up in a pink comforter half watching The Aristocats, whimpered, watching Jade pick up her studded bag.
“No, don't do that, you know I can't stay on a school night,” Jade warned Cat, knowing full well what was coming.
Cat’s eyes flicked back to the TV screen, watching brightly colored characters sing and dance as she considered her next move.
“Pleeeease-y?”
Jade gripped her bag tightly, annoyance growing in her chest. Usually Cat started with a normal Please, but straight to baby talk meant she was in a stubborn mood.
“What's in it for me?” Jade asked coyly, catching both of them off guard.
Cat’s eyes landed on Jade's, brown burrowing into blue, then working slowly down to maroon lips. Her breath catching in her throat slightly as she considered her answer.
“I'll make you feel better,” Cat mumbled.
Jade raised an eyebrow as Cat fumbled for the remote and switched off the television. She returned her bag to the floor and walked over to the bed where Cat had shuffled over to make a space.
“I'm supposed to be the one looking after you,” Jade reminded her and she sat down, snaking an arm around the smaller girl’s waist.
Cat’s cheeks flushed crimson and she looked down at her lap, smiling, forgetting about the day’s arguments.
“Well… you have, so now it's my turn to make you feel better,” she grinned wickedly at Jade as she spoke, causing Jade's mouth to run dry.
“But I already feel fine.”
“Mmmm how ‘bout if I do this?” Cat was whispering in her ear now, then placing the gentlest of kisses along Jade's jawline, so soft she could be a ghost.
Jade squirmed on the spot and pulled her arm tighter around Cat, feeling her gasp slightly as Jade's free hand slid up her shirt and fumbled with the clasp on her bra.
Cat's head was spinning and she didn't know if it was the pills or Jade's hands on her skin or a combination of both, and in the moment she didn't really care.
---
At 2:00 AM both girls were still awake. Cat drawing promises on Jade's collarbone, Jade pulling Cat’s free hand close to her and pressing slow, purposeful kisses to her fingertips.
“Why can't it always be like this?” Cat whispered, looking through the dark into the space where she knew the crook of Jade's neck was.
“Because the world isn't built for people like us Kitty Cat,” Jade murmured, dropping Cat's hand and pulling both arms around her so that Cat’s head was resting on her chest.
Fingers threaded through hair, breathing slowed and the open window herded in a warm breeze.
Silence.
Thinking Cat had finally fallen asleep, Jade reached out to the night stand where their phones lay abandoned, making a mental note to switch on at least four alarms for the morning.
But then the girl sprawled on top of her shifted slightly and hands were pulling Jade's face forwards.
“Cat-”
She wasn't sure what she had been going to say before Cat pressed their lips together firmly, she forgot the moment Cat's hair tickled her chin and fingernails left invisible trails down her cheeks.
She didn't even realise Cat was crying until she pulled away and lay her head down over Jade's heart. Listening to the rhythmic thud of the only girl who noticed Cat Valentine wasn't okay.
“I won't tell anyone if you won't.”
---
When Cat turns seventeen her medicine cabinet is organised, full but ordered neatly and labelled clearly. Some of the labels have pictures scribbled in bright marker pens. Some others have reminders scrawled in moody cursive “Dont 4get 2 refill! xxx"
She picks up the nearly empty bottle and giggles softly, wondering if Jade was ever going to stop worrying.
Cat puts the bottle back and closes the door of the cabinet over, the mirror on the other side showing her puffy eyes and chapped lips. She picks up the small plastic cup with her morning doses and turns the tap on.
Taking a step back Cat peers around the bathroom door just far enough to make out the edge of her bed where bare feet with black nail polish poked out of the floral sheets.
She smiles, washes the pills down quickly with bitter tap water and wipes her mouth, still smiling.
“Our little secret.”