Work Text:
“Col Burr,” Hamilton’s eyes twinkled. He turned away from the swirling crystals that could be seen outside his window, and faced his long-time colleague, who was typing away on a computer. “What must we indulge in for the next few hours while we wait for the snow to clear?”
The two of them had (unfortunately) found themselves trapped in their office, as they were both unwilling to drive in the sudden snowstorm that had sprung up a few moments ago.
Burr looked at his fellow reincarnate for a few moments, before turning back to stare at his screensaver. A picture of a grey mountain flashed onto the screen. Above its white snow-tops and behind several clouds was a double-rainbow. “Let me think,” he mused, mockingly placing a hand underneath his chin and stroking it. “Perhaps we should choose to explore the vast archive of information that is known as the internet? Searching up our names might lead to the discovery of… amusing stories.”
Hamilton rolled his eyes. “Colonel, it has been over two hundred years since we last walked the planet. Do you honestly think that these sorry excuses for human beings honestly care about American history anymore?” Even so, he strode over to the shorter man’s desk and bent over to look at the screen. The darker-haired man, who was already searching up their names, paused and looked up at him, grinning slightly.
“Do you honestly think that I would have gotten a break for defending my honor?” he shot back, amused. He turned back towards the screen and read the few suggestions that had popped up.
“Shall I click on ‘Friendship’?” he asked the red haired man, uncertainly.
“We already know about that, though I suppose it would be very amusing to see how other people perceived our… relationship.” Hamilton scanned the rest of the list. “However, I am unsure about what this ‘Fanfiction’ means, and I am rather curious to find out what it is.”
Burr shrugged. “From what I have heard, it is some sort of trend that many of the younger generations follow. Shall we see what it has to offer?”
Hamilton went over to his desk and pulled a chair over. He sat down next to the dark-haired man and put an arm around his shoulder. “Lead the way, Little Burr,” he joked.
Burr scowled, before grinning and handing the mouse to the man next to him. “After you, Little Hamilton,” he teased. Hamilton huffed and clicked on the 5th option. The page loaded. Hamilton hovered the mouse over the top link, before hesitating and looking over at Burr. The dark-haired man glanced back, confused. “What are you waiting for, dear General?” Hamilton shrugged and clicked on it.
An incredibly confusing page popped up. The two of them stared at it in silence, before Hamilton decided to speak up.
“... I am unsure about how this website works,” he admitted.
Burr held out his hand. “May I, General?” he asked, gesturing to the mouse.
Hamilton handed it over. “It would be an honor, Colonel Burr,” he said, throwing in a sarcastic bow. The two of them laughed, while Burr moved his mouse over the tagged names, before dramatically waving his hand over them.
“Heavens, look at these names! Col Laurens… Gen Lafayette… these people must have gone through excruciating hours of painful research in order to write this ‘fanfiction’! Where can I meet these people? They must be incredibly knowledgeable on their historical facts!” While waving his hand at the screen, he accidentally clicked on a tag that said, ‘Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens’. The screen flashed up a series of different stories. “... Why did everything vanish?” He glanced over at his companion, who was silently giggling at both his mishap and a few of the tagged phrases.
“Dear Burr, you were so enthusiastic about the extensive research these people seemed to have done that you accidentally clicked on the wrong link!” He smirked and pointed at a tag that associated the latter’s name with an incredibly vulgar term. “Also, you should read this… tale.”
The late Colonel took one look at the tag. His smile faded into an incredibly neutral expression. “Ignore what I had said earlier,” he dryly stated, “And get on with the reading.”
The General looked curiously at his unnervingly calm companion, before shrugging and clicking on the link. A few hundred years ago, the latter’s constant state of tranquility would never cease to irritate him, but the huge scratch had died down to a mild itch a while ago. He clicked on the link and was directed to a different page. “‘Warning: This piece of writing may contain adult content. Continue reading at your own risk.’” He read out loud. The two of them looked at each other, slightly surprised.
Burr leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the table. “Why are you hesitating, Soldier?” He asked, springing up into a sitting position. “We are adults, are we not? This is written by a bunch of children— surely there won’t be anything that terrible in it.”
Hamilton read through the rest of the tags. “It’s just that… how would they know who Laurens was? And I am also unfamiliar with this term.” He gestured at the word ‘Smut’. Burr’s eyes widened slightly, and he concluded that they were in for a ride.
“You should click on it, and see what it has to say about both you and Laurens,” he stated calmly. “That’s the real question here… I, myself, already have a general idea for how the author will portray me…” he gestured at the other tag.
“... Very well,” he clicked on it, and they began to read.
***
Hamilton and Burr found themselves incredibly confused.
“John neither has freckles nor curly hair,” stated Hamilton.
“Alexander neither has brown hair nor a beard,” stated Burr monotonously.
They looked at each other and raised their eyebrows in perfect unison. The sound of Burt’s laughter broke the tension.
“I am so sorry, but… they got our appearances all wrong… and… they spelled ‘Appearance’ wrong,” he gestured at said word. “I was… greatly mistaken in assuming that this person knew what they were talking about.”
Hamilton rolled his eyes and huffed. “I don’t even like alcohol that much,” he grumbled, and Burr guffawed even more.
They scrolled down a little more, and read about a bar encounter with a certainly drunk Caribbean Immigrant. This did not help calm down Burr.
“‘And then, John gazed into his intelligent eyes, and kissed him, and then…’” Burr started to quote, before trailing off. The Colonel stared at the rest of the words on the screen, and when he realized where it was going, turned to smirk at the shell-shocked General who was sitting next to them.
“So…” Burr paused, drinking in the older man’s reaction. He had gone pale, and, with his eyes glued to the screen, was mouthing the words of a letter he had sent to Laurens a long time ago.
Hamilton must have remembered penning the phrase, and it must have been rather unnerving to see those very same words splattered on the page, he thought to himself. It must have also been very unnerving to read the indiscreet actions that preceded the sentence.
Burr looked back at the screen; he read until Hamilton slammed his laptop shut.
The Colonel’s head whipped over to meet him. The latter was avoiding his gaze, and was suspiciously silent.
“That was incredibly… explicit,” he started slowly, but was interrupted by Burr’s returning laughter.
“Somewhere, in this world, are thousands of people, some who are possibly underage, who are willing to dedicate their life to write indecent, fictional tales about you and Colonel Laurens!” he chuckled. “Thank god there aren’t any out there involving you and I, for that would be incredibly ridiculous, wouldn’t you agree, dear General?” He looked up at Hamilton, who was still not moving. “General?”
Hamilton gestured at the screen. “... This is what our future generations are spending time doing?” he asked hoarsely. Burr noticed the change in conversation, but chose not to show it. He was already typing in ‘Aaron Burr/Alexander Hamilton’ into the search box.
“What was the word? ‘Smut’?” The shorter man quipped before he typed in said word and hit enter.
Gen. Hamilton glared at him. “Col. Burr, if you force me to read this, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you are never heard of again,” he snapped.
Burr, amused, merely put an arm over at the taller man and smiled lazily at him. “Well, you were the one who suggested that we should choose to procrastinate on our work instead of practicing law like we are supposed to! And, besides, how likely do you think that younger people, who have done minimal research on history, would write such ill-humored stories about a killer and his— OH MY GOD NO WAY!” He shrieked, for the screen had indeed loaded up several pieces of writing. Burr looked up at the writing count, and mouthed the number ‘295’ in disbelief.
It was Hamilton’s turn to laugh. “This is so ridiculous! Look, even Jefferson’s getting involved in this little… adventure…” he pointed at the tags. Col. Burr grinned and clicked on it. Hamilton stared at him in disbelief. “You are insane,” he gasped, horrified.
“I had to put up with this kind of slander while I was alive, at a time when it affected me. It’s about time you get a taste of cruel humor as well.” He winked at the General, whose face was incredibly red. He had turned back to read the page. A few lines later, he jerked away from Hamilton as if he was electrocuted, and minimized the document. “Never mind,” he clicked the webpage and opened it up again, before closing his computer screen again. “That was much worse.”
But Hamilton had already read what it had said, and was now snickering uncontrollably. “Hey Burr,” he nudged him, knowing exactly what he was going to quote. “‘I would love to pin you down anytime, if you know what I mean,’”
Burr smirked. “I promise you, dear soldier, that line does not have the same effect on me in real life as it does in a fictional tale.”
The General leaned forward. “What if I whispered it in your ear?” He smirked, and in spite of himself, Col. Burr found himself blushing slightly. He pushed the man away, and smiled back at him.
“Then tomorrow, I would tell our boss about the events that took place today, and he will not be incredibly impressed by our work ethic. Though, I suppose, General Washington would possibly be more interested in reading said fanfictions…” he trailed off, satisfied at the horrified expression on his companion’s face.
“Whatever you do,” Hamilton whispered, “Don’t ever go to President Washington and tell him about this… discovery.”
Burr smirked. “Well then, maybe you should go back to your work, dear soldier.” He mockingly kissed the taller man’s hand, before looking back up at the General’s smoldering face and winking.
As Hamilton stomped back to his desk, Burr looked over at his screen. He moved his mouse over the ‘X’ button, before hesitating and sliding it instead towards the back button. After all, there was no way that either of them would be able to concentrate, and they were the only people still at the office, since the others had left around 3, before the snowstorm had started. He looked outside, confirmed that the two of them were definitely going to spend the night at the office, and turned back to his companion.
“General?”
“Hmm?”
“Would you care to indulge in more of this… intriguing material with me, since we don’t have anywhere to go and working overtime is something we do too much of already?”
“... Colonel Burr, you have truly got to be kidding me.”