Chapter Text
Prince Henry: I have been born to privilege, and with that comes specific obligations.
Leonardo da Vinci: Horseshit.
-Ever After
Erebor held a certain beauty that Thorin had never found anywhere else. The kingdom was vast and cool and full of light in a way that no other building could hope to achieve. It was a marvel of architecture and engineering and rose high above what other races could achieve.
The stone was carved in endless patterns and the stars reflected their light off the polished stone at night to make the ceiling glow with a magical light. The sun would make the green stone that they favored in their construction seem a warm, almost grass green and it filled the air with scent of summer.
Thorin loved his home. As all dwarves did. The stone called to them in a way other races didn’t understand. Elves felt the call of trees, Hobbits the call of plants, and men the call of open air. None of them understood the love that dwarves held for stone. The joy in discovering unknown and never before seen caverns and revealing her beauty for all to see.
Whenever court life got to be too much Thorin would slip away to the unfinished upper levels and sit at the edge of the walkway. He could see most of Erebor from there, and he was very rarely, if ever, bothered. It gave him a moment to be alone and to be himself. When only the stone of his beloved home could see him, Thorin didn’t feel judged. He didn’t feel the urge to be anything but himself. He could slouch without feeling guilty. He could read a novel solely for fun, or whittle on wood without fear of repercussion.
After all, Thorin could never do any of that elsewhere. He was the eldest prince in line for the throne. He was not permitted to be anything but distant and perfect. He lived a life that was not his own. It was a life that was under constant scrutiny, and that held the responsibility of all in Erebor.
Today felt like a day he would seek refuge on the walkway.
“I will expect to see you again after you are finished with the knight training.” Thrain stood up from the long table as he spoke. Frerin and Dís kept their head politely bowed. Balin was staring straight forward with with a mild interest that Thorin had never seen anyone else manage to master. Trumpkin, Dróthir, Naín and Óin were all nodding their head in agreement.
“As you wish, father.” Thoirn inclined his head in acceptance and tried not to sigh. Another, personal, meeting would mean that he was going to have a review. Another test. He was tired of being tested. Every move he made, every breath he took felt like a test. He was always watched and everything was always being measured against a standard he couldn’t see and didn’t know how to meet. It was nearly impossible to pass a test to which he did not even know the questions.
“Then this meeting is adjourned.” Thrain turned and left the council chamber with Trumpkin and Naín at his side.The others followed after them, leaving Thorin alone with Balin. He went to his tutor and they walked out of the room together. Dwalin, Thorin’s body guard and most trusted companion, fell in step with them and Thorin felt his shoulders relax slightly.
“Do you know what it is he wishes to speak to me about?” He asked once they were a ways away from the chamber and listening ears.
Balin shook his head with a weary sigh. “Not really, laddie.” He kept his head straight and didn’t meet Thorin’s gaze. That was never a good sign. Balin was a splendid liar when he was in court or he was speaking to dignitaries from other realms.
He was not a good liar when he was speaking to Thorin, Dwalin, or anyone else he was particularly close to.
Thorin stopped walking. Dwalin joined him on the left and they both stared at Balin who took two more steps before stopping and turning towards them slowly. He kept his gaze down.
“You have a practice to get to.” He reminded.
“Balin.” Dwalin warned. Balin huffed and raised his gaze, glaring at both Thorin and Dwalin.
“Fine! Though you’ll have no mind to tend practice when you hear.” He sighed and Thorin watched his shoulders drop dejectedly. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and Thorin’s stomach dropped. Was the news truly that terrible? “Your father has opened wedding negotiations for you.”
That was hardly surprising. The day Thorin had turned of age wedding negotiations had been opened. Balin met his eyes and the sorrow in them made Thorin’s heart speed up. “He has chosen a match. He means to marry you on Durin’s day.”
“It’s September.” Dwalin observed in a gruff voice. Thorin barely heard him. There was a strange rushing noise rising in his ears. “That’s hardly any time.”
“Who?” He didn’t recognize the voice as his own. He’d never heard himself sound so hoarse.
“Lady Tumra of Thahund.” The words settled on his shoulders like a physical weight.. He would, of course, be expected to marry a female… Even though his father knew what his preference was in that regard. It was extremely condemning to hear that it had been decided upon.
“I was told that I would not have to marry until I was one hundred and eighty. Why has the time changed?”
“I-I am uncertain.” There was no lie in Balin’s eyes, so Thorin let it go. He inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly while he straightened his shoulders. He continued down the path and tried to keep his hands from trembling. This was hardly a surprise. He was royalty. He was made to marry a stranger. He had simply hoped he would have more time. He had just lost twenty years of being single.
Only the lower classes were permitted to marry for something as ‘unimportant’ as love. He was not allowed to even entertain the idea of love.
It was a fanciful notion for children.
Thorin wasn’t allowed to even have friends. Friends were dwarves who got close in order to use you. They always had selfish motives and were never to be trusted. Family was what you trusted. If he could not have something so simple as a friend, why would he be allowed love?
The loss of it should not have left such a bitter feeling in his chest.
-[]-[]-[]-
Thorin left the practice feeling mildly less stressed. He had been a little harsh with his knights, but they were strong and they would heal.
“So,” Thorin turned his head to see his sister had joined him while he was not looking. Dwalin smirked behind her and raised his eyebrow. Thorin carefully did not scowl. “I hear that you are to be married?”
“Dís,” he greeted politely. “Where did you hear such things?” Dís raised her eyebrow and the corner of her lip quirked up.
“My dear nadad (brother), surely you of all people know how well news travels through this kingdom?” Thorin turned his gaze back onto the path ahead of them. He would not be baited. “I heard it from my servant. She has a cousin that works in Thahund.”
“It is true. I am to marry the lady Tumra by October.” Dís stopped and very nearly tripped Dwalin up. Thorin quietly waited for them to both return to his side. He got a cruel sense of enjoyment that he could shock Dís. If he was to be miserable it was nice that he could cause others at least shock. Dís had been allowed to choose her own husband. Frerin as well.
It was petty but Thorin would be lying if he said that his misery did not want company.
“Lady Tumra?”
“You know her?”
Dís nodded her head and scowled. “She is a horrible gossip and a nag. She is also female. Surely Adad (father) knows-”
“Adad likely does not care.”
“But you don’t have to marry a female. I’ve already had a son and I’m pregnant with another child.” She patted her rounded belly where Thorin’s nephew or niece was growing. “Frerin is engaged to a Naina. The family line is already secure. He must know you won’t be able to treat her as a husband should.”
Thorin’s cheeks heated in a blush that only his youngest sibling was able to bring out in him. He glared but she stared back completely unabashed. “What?” she demanded, hands on her hips, “it’s true!”
“True or not does not matter. I will treat her with honor. Adad does not care how secure the line is. He will see me married.”
“Then he could at least get you a handsome lad. Not a flat nosed, beardless, lass!”
“Beardless?”
“She plucks it.” Thorin stopped and turned to look at her with wide eyes. Dís nodded her head sagely. “She has a maid pluck it every night. She even trims her eyebrows.” Brilliant. He was getting a self-conscious female dwarf that had no facial hair. Who apparently gossiped as well. He would not be able to pretend she was anything other than a female. His preferences on such things would be spread through the kingdom in seconds with her loose tongue. He would be a laughing stock.
Again.
“What else does she look like?” Thorin asked slowly. He stared at the path in front of them. He didn’t want to see Dís sympathetic or knowing gaze.
“She’s about my height with black hair. Her eyes are brown and she has sharp cheekbones. She’s exceptionally curvy but thin as well.” Dís tilted her head in consideration. “Kind of odd, actually.”
Very feminine. Essentially everything he disliked. He preferred his partners to be shorter than he was. Not to mention, he liked them better without the female bits.
This would be a disaster. An utter disaster.
“You can’t go through with this, Thorin. It wouldn’t be fair.” Thorin did not stop or turn his gaze. He did not need her telling him it was unfair. That was a fact he was intimately aware of.
It was his duty to his father. He would bear it without complaint.
-[]-[]-[]-
Thrain did not ask him to sit. The king remained seated on his own throne and Thorin stood in front of him with an uneasy churning in his stomach. Thrain’s gaze was heavy and considering, on the edge of disappointed.
Thrain always seemed to look at him with disappointment. Thorin knew his father loved him, but he was quite certain Thrain didn’t like him. He was certainly not enough to make Thrain proud. He had never had his father’s approval.
With the way his future was unfolding, he would never have his father’s approval.
He stood perfectly still, his back straight, his arms limp at his side, his head held high and facing forward. He counted the seconds away in his head as he always did when he was in his father’s presence. He had already been standing quietly for two minutes.
“You are aware that I have made a contract with Lady Tumra’s father?”
“Yes, sire.” Gaze straight and voice even. Thorin would not betray himself. Emotions were something to be felt when he was alone. If they were felt or acknowledged at all.
“Then you are aware that you have until October to change my mind.”
Thorin’s gaze flicked towards Thrain before resuming its staring at the wall behind Thrain. He cursed the momentary loss of control. “Sire?”
The king sat back on his throne and propped his elbow on the arm rest. He rested his chin in his hand and studied Thorin openly. Thorin remained still and kept his face blank. He was used to being observed. Thrain did it often. Usually in a detached way that often made Thorin feel like little more than an experiment.
Right now it was anything but detached.
“I know your heart, my son. I will not force you to wed Tumra if you can find another before then.”
Thorin’s heart gave a very hard thud in his chest. He felt it through his entire body and it very nearly made him stagger. He forced his back and head to remain straight. Never let anyone know what you’re thinking. You should never have emotions to conceal. His father’s words echoed in his head and he stood taller. This was nothing more than a test. He would not fail it.
“I am sorry?” A faint trace of hope leaked into his voice and he steeled himself. He firmly pulled his emotions back in and forced his heart to calm itself.
“Today is September seventy. Durin’s day is October seventh. If, by October sixth, you can find another whom hold your hearts, then I will release you from the marriage contract.” Thrain leaned forward in his seat and clasped his hands in his lap. Thorin felt a bit like the room was spinning around him. His thoughts were desperately trying to spiral out of control. “That gives you thirty one days in which to find one worthy of your love.”
“You would grant me this?” Thorin’s voice cracked and he cursed it in his head. It was the only thing that ever gave him away. He had complete control of all else but his voice. It always seemed to reveal the truth.
“With a stipulation.”
Of course. All things that seemed to good were inevitably too good.
Thrain sat back in the throne and reached into the pocket of his tunic. He pulled a small object out that briefly flashed in the light. He turned his palm upright with the object resting in the middle of it.
“This is a trinket I was gifted at your birth. It is something I have never shown you as the time was not right before now.” Thorin allowed himself a look. It was a golden band. It was smoothed by touch and unadorned. Not spectacular, but Thrain would hardly hold onto such a trinket if it was not worth something. “The wizard who gave it to me was quite adamant that you should have it when you were of age.” The king held it out to Thorin. He took a short step forward and reached out to take it. The metal was cool to the touch, but quickly warmed up in the heat of his hand. He ran his fingers along it and he could feel it throbbing, nearly vibrating with a strange sort of energy.
“This ring is not meant for you to wear, of course. It is too small for your fingers anyway. This ring is made to fit only the person that will be your Sanzeuh.”
Thorin very nearly dropped the gold ring. His eyes shot up to meet his fathers and he found he had no words.
“I am gifting you these thirty days to find the one who it will fit. If you can find your Sanzeuh, and present them to me while wearing that ring, then I will break the contract.” Thrain sat up to his full height and the slight smile that had lingered there dropped away. “You will attend four different balls. One each friday. That should supply you with sufficient mingling opportunities. I will expect you to continue all other duties without distraction. Do not give me reason to regret this kindness.” Thrain nodded his head and waved his hand. “You are dismissed, my son. I will see you tomorrow. The first Ball will be in two days.”
Thorin left the room without breathing.