Chapter Text
“Come on, Jason!”
“For the last time, Tim, no.”
“Dude, your apartment is freezing,” Tim pouted determinedly.
“Well, it’s January in Gotham, what’d you expect?” Jason snapped back, pointing the spatula at his little brother.
Jason has come to expect Tim to show up at his apartment pretty much every day. He has long since accepted it considering Tim’s been doing it for the past eight months, first coming to him at that time despite the fact that Jason had tried to kill him on more than one occasion. Well, he has no intention to kill any of the bats anymore, but Tim didn’t know that eight months ago. But over that time, they really have become like brothers, brotherly arguing included.
Now, they were sitting in Jason’s apartment after their separate patrols. It had started snowing early on in the evening and that meant a long night for Jason, rounding up street kids to get them into their designated snow emergency warehouse. It was nearly three in the morning and Jason was cooking dinner, still in his Red Hood gear, as he just got back, when Red Robin popped through his window without knocking and just sat down at his kitchen table. He instantly began complaining about the cold, the snow and Jason’s apartment for what felt like the thousandth time.
This was the best place he’s ever lived in except for the Manor, and Tim was running his mouth about how cold it gets and how run down it’s looking, and Jason was getting a little sick of it. Yeah, Jason will admit, it’s a bit nippy at night, especially nights like tonight, but he doesn’t like where Tim was going with the conversation.
Tim just looked at him, like he couldn't believe Jason was arguing with him about this, again. “I expect a warm apartment that you can return to after running around on rooftops at night in the snow. If you’d just let me help you, I can get you a much better place with a real heating system and a proper ceiling that keeps out cold,” Tim stated, getting more exasperated the more he talked. Then he looked at Jason with a glint in his eye Jason has come to be wary of. “I can even set you up an identity, one that isn’t Jason Todd. A legal identity in which you’re alive, can legally own a good apartment, and can even have life outside the Red Hood.”
Tim held up a hand knowing Jason was about to protest, as they’ve had this argument before, too.
“Don’t lie, I know you want to have a life and since you’re legally dead you can’t.”
Jason turned his head skyward and closed his eyes. “What would be the point, Tim?” Jason protested anyway, looking back at Tim. “I wouldn’t even know how to have a life. Besides, being dead has its perks ya know. I don’t have to pay taxes, no one knows who I am, and I don’t have to worry about a secret identity.”
“You could get a job, make some clean money, and I know since you aren’t doing the crime lord thing anymore, you’re gonna run out of your drug lord money eventually.”
“No, Tim, I really won’t,” Jason replied, smirking at his little brother.
Tim rolled his eyes. “Fine, but you could make clean money and put it to good use. You could really, legitimately help people without the mask. And you’re lonely, you need more people in your life than just me and Alfred. And going back to my other point, you could have a warm apartment that isn’t a safehouse you have to sneak into all the time.”
Jason dished out the pasta and the homemade sauce onto two plates, placing one in front of Tim, then sat across from him.
“I see your point about the apartment thing, but the whole legal identity, I don’t know, man. It’s been 8 years since I died, I didn’t even have a real life before that anyway, I just….” Jason closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.
He’s thought about this before, what it would be like to be a real person again, and to walk around in the world and not be seen as a raging, psychotic murderer, or not feel like a ghost, to actually do something else with his life. Maybe if he did that, the rest of the bats would actually give him a chance and see that he isn’t certifiably insane any more.
He does want to be part of the family again, but never really expected to. Last time he was in Gotham was four years ago. He was nineteen, just “set free” by Talia, ramped up by the Lazarus Pit and full of murderous rage for being replaced and unavenged. He was there for about a year; messing with the bats, trying to kill them on multiple occasions, running the underworld and the drug trade, and controlling the majority of Gotham’s gangs. He actually reduced the crime rate in Gotham, but he did it by killing, so Batman only saw him as another criminal, even after he learned who was under the hood. He made no effort to try and reason with Jason, to try and see if there was more going on. Bruce gave up on him. The only person Jason ever called his father and meant it, practically disowned him. Dick did, too. Never even tried to communicate with Jason. Whenever they did meet they’d come to blows, Jason trying to kill him, and Dick trying to put him in Arkham. Tim had mostly stayed away, but Jason sought out his replacement and tried to punish the Batman by killing his newest Robin. Thankfully, he never succeeded.
After he left Gotham, the rage of the Lazarus Pit had started to wear off. When he left, he’s pretty sure Batman and Nightwing were relieved they didn’t have to deal with the insane, wayward bird anymore. Jason somehow ended up teaming with Koriand’r, also known as Starfire, and Roy Harper, aka Arsenal. For about two years, they traveled around to world, and outer space, and they helped people in a more unconventional kind of way. But then Kori left, and so did Roy. So, Jason went back to Gotham. He had wanted to close old wounds and reconcile with his family, but he didn’t have much hope for it. He was only there for a few weeks when the Red Robin came to visit.
He was staying in one of his smaller safehouses, trying to get some sleep when he heard someone walking around in his kitchen. He had grabbed a gun and left his room, only to stop in complete shock. There, leaning back against his counter, mask off, drinking a cup a coffee at four in the morning, was Red Robin, completely unfazed by the gun aimed at him. This continued at least a couple times a week for the next couple of weeks, Tim entering whatever safehouse Jason was in, soon the apartment Jason had gotten, unconcerned with Jason’s empty threats. After about the tenth time, Jason didn’t even react or bother threatening. He’d actually come to kind of tolerate the bird’s company, but he was still suspicious of him.
“Why?” He had asked, that night after making them dinner, because dammit, he was suspicious of the kid continuously, randomly, showing up but seriously, he was like a stick and Jason knew he probably didn’t eat as much as he should between his night job and his day job at Wayne Enterprises.
“Because,” Tim had responded around a mouthful of food, “one, you make really good food. Two, you are a member of the family, no matter what B says, and three, I would like to get to know my older brother and predecessor.”
“I’ve tried to kill you, multiple times,” Jason had said, utterly confused by the boy in front of him.
“Yeah, but, after you left Gotham, I did my research and came to the likely conclusion that you were with the League of Assassins and placed in a Lazarus Pit,” Tim had said knowingly, cocking his head to the side.
Jason had just stared at him, unblinking, surprised and not surprised the young detective had figured it out. Tim just continued, “You also died, murdered brutally, then came back to life and treated with similar brutality. I get it. You hated our guts, but for a good reason. The Pit amplified that, made you insane, and made you act on your hatred in ways you probably wouldn’t. You left, and the Pit wore off. Now, you’re back and you haven’t once tried to kill me, or anyone for that matter. I know for a fact you haven’t killed anyone in over a year. Your head is back on straight and you’re trying to be better. I get that, so I’ve decided to give you a chance, and I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to get to know the real you, and maybe, become your brother. And with time, maybe the others will give you a chance, too.”
Eight months later, the other members of the family have barely given him the time of day to even acknowledge his presence in Gotham, past the fact the Red Hood has returned. After they figured out he’s not actively killing any more, they pretty much just ignored him till he, as they assumed he would, returned to his brutal ways. But that doesn’t mean Jason didn’t try. God, he tried so hard just to be in the vicinity of the bats but none of them were, and still aren’t, willing to give him a chance. And he got that, he wasn’t exactly friendly last time, but still, they won’t even talk to him.
Cassandra, or Black Bat, seemed curious about him but Batman makes sure she stayed away. They’ve never even seen each other up close. Damian, aka Robin, stayed with Batman or Nightwing all the time, so no doubt the small boy hated him, too. In the few interactions they’ve had he’s made it quite clear how he felt about the “insane street rat.” Stephanie, who’s the new Batgirl, seemed to be more interested than the others, but she stuck close to Cassandra, so she hasn’t tried very hard. For Barbara, well, she’s Oracle now since the Joker took her legs so there’s been no real chance to see or talk to her. And Dick, he hated Jason more than he did before he died. He hated him because of all the things Jason put them through and he didn’t want to risk it again by even talking to him. So, Dick kept his distance, and did his best to make sure the others did the same, Tim, too, though that one didn’t work so well.
The only person who seemed to actually care about his existence, besides Tim, was Alfred. After Tim told Alfred Jason was back in Gotham, and sane, he immediately came to his safehouse overjoyed he was back and that he was safe. Alfred and Tim have continuously visited him, somehow without any of the bats finding out that they interact with the dangerous former Robin who used to want to murder them all.
Over time, Tim truly did become his little brother, and Alfred, a stable caring figure in his life. Jason was happy he stayed in Gotham. Yes, he wanted to reconcile with the others, but he was quickly losing hope that he ever would, so he was okay with just Tim and Alfred, they were more than he had hoped for. And they have helped him more than they’ll ever know. He was in a bad place when he came back, and they helped him heal. He’s still healing but he’s better than he was.
“Jason,” Tim started again, bringing Jason's mind back to the present. Jason looked up at his little brother, who had that oh so familiar determined look in his eyes. “I know your life was crappy before the Joker and even crappier after, but you’ve moved past all that. You’re sane now, you’re helping people as the Red Hood, though your reputation remains majorly the same. You have a chance to make a real life for yourself, a good life. It doesn’t need to include the Wayne’s.” Jason raised his brow at that, and Tim just looked more determined to convince him. “You shouldn’t be dead to the world. You deserve to have a real, happy life, Jay. With a proper, living identity, you could do so much. You deserve a chance to try, at least.”
“Tim,” Jason honestly didn’t know if he really did deserve it, after all the crap his first, and second, life had been.
Tim just looked at him sadly, as if he knew what Jason was thinking. He then continued with a small smile, “And, I want to be able to go out into public and hang out with my brother without people trying to figure out who my secret boyfriend is or something.”
Jason snorted, then he sighed. “If Bruce saw, you’d be in a shitload of trouble,” Jason pointed out with a knowing, but sad look.
“Maybe if Bruce saw me out in public with you, acting civil and happy, then maybe he’d actually pull his head out of his ass long enough to think clearly.”
Jason sighed and stood up, taking his empty plate and Tim’s to the sink then began washing them.
“I’ve lost hope that Bruce, or Dick, will ever give me a chance, Timmy. I’ve tried, for months, I’ve tried to prove myself to them, that I’ve changed from who I was 4 years ago. But they don’t give a shit about me anymore so why should I keep hoping they ever will?” Jason looked down at his hands as he washed the plates.
Tim quietly stood up and came to stand by him at the counter. “You have given them plenty of chances to see you, and they’ve never bothered to take the opportunity. So, if they see me with you, out in public or even as Red Robin with the Red Hood,” he paused for a moment, so Jason would look at him, “because I think it’d be fun to patrol together,” Tim looked up at him with a smirk and Jason just huffed with a small smile, silently agreeing that it would be fun to patrol with Red Robin.
Tim continued in a more serious tone, “then they will have to acknowledge you and how you’ve changed for the better because they will never be able to change the fact that we are brothers, and they will have to go to you and they’ll see the truth, that they are wrong about you. They will have to take the first step now if they want to know you. And rather than them giving you a chance, they will have to ask for you to give them a chance if they want to be in your life. You’ve gotten this far without them, Jay, you can go farther without actively trying to prove something to them anymore. You don't- you don't need them anymore. Not really.”
Jason sighed again and put away the dishes. “Just, let me think about it okay?”
Tim sighed and just looked at him with a tired look, having expected him to say that. “Okay.”
“Now, leave Babybird, so I can get some sleep, I’ve had a long night.” Jason turned to look at his little brother with a look he hoped left no room for arguing, but apparently, he was too tired to pull it off right.
“Actually, would you mind if I stayed here tonight?” Tim tried. Jason just raised an eyebrow at him. “The snow is already like a foot thick and still coming, and my apartment is across the city.” Tim looked at his brother with his infamous puppy dog eyes.
“Fine,” Jason relented quickly, dragging a hand down his face, knowing he wouldn’t get far this late at night with Tim’s pathetic face. Not that he actually minded him staying, but Tim doesn’t usually sleep that much, which means he might keep Jason up, or wake him up. “But only if you actually sleep, no working, no more coffee. I go to sleep, you go to sleep.” Tim opened his mouth, but Jason cut him off, “I mean it Babybird, you don’t get enough sleep as it is and if you want to stay here, you’re going to sleep.”
Tim looked conflicted for a moment but replied quickly with a quiet, “Fine.”
“Good. I have some sweats you can borrow so you don’t have to sleep in your uniform, but they’re going to be too big for yer scrawny ass.” Jason said walking into his bedroom to grab the sweats, a hoodie, a thick blanket, and a pillow.
“Maybe I should just leave some of my own sweats here for times like this,” Tim gave him an amused look and Jason returned it with an annoyed one, too tired to respond. He handed the sweats and hoodie to Tim who chuckled then walked into the bathroom to shower and change. Jason laid the blanket on the couch with the pillow at one end, and deciding he was way too tired to wait to shower after Tim, he stripped out of his uniform, put on pair of pajama pants and a hoodie, then just went to bed. He fell asleep before he even heard the water turn off.
Jason woke with a start, shaking. He usually would after a nightmare like that, not screaming, just scared and frozen, like the times in the dead of winter when he slept hiding behind a dumpster, hoping he would wake up the next day, or lying in an alley, bloody after running from thugs and getting caught. It’s less of an actual nightmare normal people have, more just memories resurfacing. And it always feels real, like he’s actually a ten-year-old again just trying to survive Crime Alley.
He should have seen the nightmare coming, really, after the night he had. It had begun to snow, and Gotham snows don’t stop until it’s a giant fucking blanket covering everything, giving a false sense of security to the people of the city. All the people but the homeless who’re spread out through Crime Alley. Jason had spent the entire night finding kids and convincing them to join the others who already knew about the warehouse that was guaranteed safety and food via the Red Hood for times like this.
Crime Alley kids don’t trust easy and when an adult tries to get them to go somewhere they get stubborn and cautious. But thankfully the Red Hood has made a reputation of helping the children of the Alley, especially after the first snow fall and he’d gotten about half a dozen kids to stay in the warehouse, so they caved quicker than they normally would have. The snow helped persuade them, too. He had got all the kids he could find into a single warehouse, which came to be about 2 dozen, and they agreed to stay there until the snow passed. Hopefully he could make it so that every snowfall they would all go there, though it seemed that was already happening.
Jason sighed as he tried to shake the nightmare off. He glanced at the clock, 6:47 am, way too early for a nocturnal vigilante to be up, and with only about 4 hours of sleep. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, the feelings of fear for his life won’t fade quickly.
Jason remembered that he was so exhausted last night, he hadn’t even showered, and now he was twice as gross after the sweat from his nightmare. Sighing again, and still shaking, he made his way to the bathroom, eyes hazy with sleep. He turned the water on and took his night clothes off. He stepped under the warm spray and tried to rid his mind of frozen nights and an empty stomach.
Before Jason ended up on the street, before his mom got really bad, she would sing to him when he had a nightmare, usually a song from one of the many musicals she loved. Catherine had loved the theater, musicals especially. She would take him whenever they could go, and he grew to love them as she did. When Bruce took him in, Alfred had been the one to discover Jason’s love of the theater. They knew he loved books as he’d always be in the library at the manor. One day he’d been reading Les Misérables and had actually started singing a song from the musical, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables, the song Marius had sung after the battle. It reminded him of the other kids on the street, some he knew that had died and others he didn’t know what happened to, and those still out there in danger, while he sat there in a mansion, warm and with food. When he finished the song, he just stared out the window, hands still clutching the book in his lap. He had suddenly felt eyes on him and jumped up, turning wide eyed at the visitor. Alfred was standing in the doorway, and he was smiling. After that, Alfred gave him singing and acting lessons, having been an actor himself before becoming the Wayne’s butler. He even took him to the fancier theaters to see the bigger productions. Jason had wanted to join the drama club when he started school, but he knew Bruce wouldn’t allow it, simply because it would just be another thing taking up time that he could be studying or patrolling.
Jason still loved to sing, even after everything, and now he found himself singing the song his mom used to sing to him on particularly bad nights, usually either a nightmare or if his abusive, drunk father had come home. Catherine had always loved the musical Annie, it had given her hope that they could have a better life someday. And when Jason found himself an orphan living on the street, he had clung to that with all he had as the last thing his mother gave him. Tomorrow, the sun would always come up again, and the day would be better, or at least he would hope. He would sing the song Tomorrow to himself all the time, to give himself hope, and as a way to remember his mother.
He found himself doing so now, as if he were really back on the street, and like it did then, it eventually relaxed him, and he was able to put away the feelings the nightmare had dredged up. The song itself was a little high pitch for him, but he could still sing it well, Alfred had taught him after all.
He continued singing as he finished his shower, toweled off and went back into his room to put on some clothes. Then he stepped into his living room and stopped.
He had completely forgotten he let Tim spend the night on his couch, and now said teen was staring at him with a small smile on his face.
“Damn,” was the first word to come out of Tim’s mouth as he continued staring at his older brother. What he said next left Jason slightly shocked. “Alfred said you liked to sing but he never said you actually could sing. And like a freaking Broadway star, too. Damn, Jay.” Tim just looked star struck and it was really starting to creep Jason out, and that finally got him moving.
“Fuck, I forgot you were here,” Jason started so Tim would know he wasn’t supposed to know Jason could sing. “And do you seriously gossip with Alfred about me? Not cool, Babybird.” Jason glared at the kid still staring at him, unfazed by the look.
Jason looked heavenward and started walking to the kitchen to make some tea, hoping Tim would skip the coffee for a change, but if that wasn’t wishful thinking for his little brother then Jason didn’t know what was.
“Yes,” Tim replied, getting off the couch and making his way to the kitchen, “but not about stuff like that. You were my Robin, Jason.” Jason rolled his eyes at this, having heard that particular line before and Tim just shrugged. “When Bruce took me in, I asked about you. I wanted to know the Robin before me. Alfred seemed to know you better than Bruce did honestly, and he liked telling stories about you, especially your love for cooking, books and learning, and theater. I had only seen two of those in the past eight months and now it’s confirmed that the three things you loved most are still the same.” Tim was grinning now.
Jason just sighed, “I haven’t changed that much since I was a kid. Yeah, I had a few years where I was pretty much a different person, but...”
“But, you found yourself again,” Tim finished for him, sounding oddly fond and proud. It made Jason happy to hear Tim use a tone like that when talking about him, reassuring him that his little brother really did accept him and wasn’t going anywhere.
“And seriously, Jay, you can sing,” Tim said, a little awestruck again.
“Yeah, well, commit it to memory because you won’t hear it again,” Jason said with a smirk.
“Awe, come on, Jay? You’re gonna hide your gift?” Tim responded a little pathetically as he walked behind Jason to make himself coffee.
“My gift? And seriously Tim? Do you really need coffee?”
“Yes, yes, I do, I have a bunch of meetings today, likely over video phone now because of the snow, and if I don’t have coffee I will fall asleep during them,” Tim said as he poured the dark liquid into a mug.
Jason just rolled his eyes and poured his tea.
“And yes, your gift, Jason. I can't think of a better term for it,” Tim continued, looking at Jason now, “there is literally a lot more to you than anyone has ever seen, me included, and you should show it off. You could even find a job with it, because you are that good.”
Jason just looked at him, wondering why Tim was pushing all this on him, in, literally, a 5-hour period.
“Ugh, Jason,” Tim said to the ceiling. “Just think about it, okay? About the apartment and the identity. Both of which I would be happy to do if you’ll let me.” Tim gave him a look that pretty much told Jason, Tim thought he was being stupid for not agreeing right away. Jason returned it with a perfectly blank face, taking a sip of tea. Tim sighed, “I’ve got to get back to my apartment.” He gulped down the rest of his coffee, quickly put his uniform back on then went to the window. It was still mildly dark outside with the snow clouds still lingering, so they weren’t all that worried about anyone seeing him.
“Think about it. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jay.”
“Yup.”
And with that Tim left. Jason watched him go, still sipping on his tea. Could he actually have a life outside the Red Hood, one that wasn’t Jason Todd? Jason would be more than happy to leave that name behind, leave the pain that came with that name behind. But did he even deserve it? Tim thought so, maybe that was all he needed. Tim trusted him, Tim believed in him. Maybe Jason should believe, too.
Staring at the snow outside the window, he suddenly heard his mom’s voice singing in his head.
“The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
‘Til tomorrow
Come what may”
“Always have hope, Jason,” she would say with a soft smile, brushing his curls back. “Always believe there is something better waiting for you, tomorrow. No matter how many tomorrows it takes.”
“Maybe.”