Chapter Text
...floating...
...falling...
...floating...?
...where...?
...when...?
...how long...?
„Michael!“
...black...
...falling...
...dead...?
„Michael! Listen to me!“
...breathing...
...dark...
...cold...
„...no use...“
...alone...
...confused...
„...no further medication... ...more harm than anything else... ...later...“
...letting go...
...sleep...
„...hear us?“
He‘s got a body. He thinks. He thinks he‘s got a body. That‘s a relief. Up to here, it‘s all been just floating, bodyless, dark, cold. But he‘s not nothing. He‘s something. Someone.
How does he know he‘s a he? Couldn‘t he be something else? A girl? A woman? No, that‘s out of the question. Why, he doesn‘t know, but it‘s a fact.
„I‘m not sure. Michael, can you hear me? Do you think you can communicate in any way?“ The voice is clear than before. Now, it‘s only ten miles away. The words take an eternity to reach his consciousness. Communicate. He thinks he knows that word. Michael. Michael! He thinks he knows that name. It belongs to someone he knows. Everything is black. Except for that moment when everything is white, for a short period of time.
„Pupils dilating normally. He‘s not reacting otherwise.“
„Doesn‘t mean he‘s not awake.“ It‘s actually two voices. One male, one female. The male is speaking. It‘s hard to follow. Exhausting. „Michael, if you can hear me, this is going to hurt, but just for a moment.“ He‘s not grasped the meaning of those words, when a sharp pain stings his... something. What is it called? He knows the word. His... finger! Something sharp stings his finger. A hissing sound follows. Did he produce it himself?
„Susceptible to pain. Good. Give it another twenty minutes. Michael, listen to me. Try to stay awake, okay? Even if it‘s hard, don‘t slip away, if you can.“ Okay. Okay. He thinks he can do that. And why wouldn‘t he? The voices are good. They‘re something to hold on to, because it‘s either this or floating. Falling. This isn‘t cold. Well, it‘s not warm either, but it‘s not cold like that other place. That no-place, that means nothing. Being nothing. Feeling nothing.
Michael. That name! What does it mean? It‘s someone close to him. Someone he knows well. Someone he thinks he knows well. Someone he sees every day. But where? Where does he see that Michael? An explosion! It‘s loud, roaring in his ears like an earthquake. He‘s got it! Michael! He sees him in the mirror. It‘s him! He is Michael! Michael is him! Only he likes to be called Mike. He‘s pretty sure of that. He doesn‘t know who exactly calls him that, but he‘s used that abbreviation.
Okay. Mike knows his name. That‘s something. But right now, it takes all his strength to keep it. The constant threat of it slipping away from him is pulling him down. The nothing is close. It‘s engulfing him, but it doesn‘t have him yet. What did the voice say? ‚Try to stay awake.‘ He‘s trying. It‘s hard, but he‘s managing. ‚Don‘t slip away!‘ His finger is still tingling. The pain was unpleasant, but this is a good feeling. He‘s alive. There‘s a world around him. He can... he can move!
Mike exhales. It makes a sound. Nothing intelligible. A sound nonetheless, and it‘s not even far away, like those voices that came to him an eternity ago. He‘s feeling pain. It‘s dull, and it‘s everywhere. In his legs, his arms, his back, his stomach, his neck. Really, he‘s just listing all these body parts in his mind to make sure he‘s still aware what he‘s made up of.
The next thing he notices is, he can see. Mike can‘t see a lot, and the bright, rectangular light that he sees is blurry around the edges. It‘s swirling, and restless. Then, there‘s a shape, darker than the light, and in front of it, running up and down his vision. A hand? It‘s not a conscious decision, but his eyes follow it. Mike recognizes a corner. The place where two walls meet the ceiling. He‘s in a room.
„Michael.“ The male voice is back. „I know you can‘t speak, but could you blink two times if you understand what I‘m saying?“ Mike complies. It‘s easy, really. Blinking two times, no big deal.
‚blink blink‘
The voice becomes calmer. „That‘s good. Very well done, Michael. I‘m here to help you. Do you understand?“
‚blink blink‘
„Good. Good. Don‘t worry. You‘ll be able to speak again soon. I‘ve seen you moving your fingers. Can you make a fist with your right hand?“ Mike is weak. He feels like he‘s made out of rubber, all uncoordinated and somehow soggy. Though he can‘t see his own hands, his attempt at a fist probably looks unshapely. The man he can‘t see is satisfied, however. „You‘re making progress. Left hand?“
His left hand is the one he‘s felt the pain in previously. It‘s easier to make a fist. While it doesn‘t exactly feel strong, Mike experiences some level on control, and that‘s comforting. What happened anyways? Is he injured? His aching body would make it seem like he‘s been in an accident of some sort. That would also explain why he doesn‘t remember anything. Sure, there‘s his name, but Mike still really has no idea who he is.
„Very good, Michael. Now, let‘s try something more difficult. Can you lift your head? Just for a second?“ This proves more difficult. Mike can feel the strain in his throbbing neck, when the sensation of the back of his head touching whatever surface he‘s lying on, disappears for just a brief moment. „Exceptional! You can say no if you don‘t feel fit for it, but I‘d like to try and get you upright. You wouldn‘t have to hold yourself. Is that okay? Blink once for no, twice for yes.“ Mike doesn‘t think. Sitting up? That sounds too good to be true right now.
‚blink blink‘
„Good. This won‘t hurt a bit.“ A screeching sound follows, accompanied by a gentle push in Mike‘s back.
„‘m I...“ What was that? Another voice? „...am I?“ It‘s his own. That‘s a realization so other-worldly, he doesn‘t know if it‘s true. Mike hasn‘t been able to keep track of time. He‘s been sitting up for a while now, following orders from that voice he keeps hearing. ‚Curl your index fingers‘, ‚Move your feet‘, and so on. So far, everything has worked, with the need for a lot of effort, of course. Mike‘s vision is clearer now. Things are still moving around him, but the shapes and colored surfaces, even patterns. Like the dark blue dots on the mint green hospital gown he‘s wearing. The outlines of his own toes. Time to focus on his voice again. „Where am I?“ The words are slurred, distorted, but audible. There‘s a silence, that drags on long enough to make Mike think the person next to him has left.
„My name is Doctor Barnes. Do you remember talking to me before?“
„No.“ Mike doesn‘t remember a thing. „Tell me where I am.“ Surprised at how strong his voice is, he even manages to turn his head. Mike can see clearly now. The walls around him are white, tiled and illuminated by bright neon light. There‘s a desk with shiny metal legs, shelves filled with what looks like medical equipment. There are two people present. The woman Mike has heard before is sitting behind the desk. She‘s got her back turned towards Mike, but to him it looks like she‘s writing something down. All he knows for sure is, her stature is slim, and her semi-long dark hair is tied into a ponytail, that‘s barely touching the white scrub top she‘s wearing.
The man who has been talking is in full view, facing Mike. He‘s old, what‘s left of his hair is white, his black glasses thick, framing the small eyes in the middle of his round face. Wearing a white coat over a green, checkered shirt, Mike doesn‘t exactly know what to make of him. He‘s smiling, but there‘s concern in his face, too.
„Where am I?“ Mike repeats, more forcefully this time.
The man sighs. „I‘m afraid, I can‘t tell you that right now. Last time I did, it didn‘t go well. I know I‘m asking a lot here, but could you try to trust me, Michael?“
Mike thinks for a moment. Can he trust the man, this Doctor Barnes? ‚Last time it didn‘t go well‘. What did he mean by that? What happened before? Mike decides, it‘s best to play along for the moment. He‘s too weak to do anything about his situation anyways. „Okay.“
„Very good.“ Barnes is back to smiling. „I‘m going to start with a few basic questions.“ He‘s holding a clipboard and a ball pen. „Can you tell me your full name?“
„Michael Theodore Wheeler.“ Wow, that was easy. The words just slipped out of Mike, and now he knows his own name. Great. Doctor Barnes scribbles down a few notes.
„Correct. Do you know your parents‘ names?“
As it turns out, Mike does, and he even remembers their faces, and their house. „Karen Wheeler, Theodore Wheeler.“ he says.
„Good. Good. How many siblings?“
There‘s no effort involved here. It‘s as though every question Barnes asks him activates parts of his memory he‘s not aware of. „Two. Nancy and Holly.“
„Very well done. Do you know what year it is?“
„1985. October, I think. Don‘t know the date.“ With every word that he speaks, Mike feels himself growing stronger. It‘s a good feeling, relieving, regaining control.
„Don‘t worry, you can‘t possibly know the date. It‘s the sixteenth. That makes you how old?“ the doctor asks.
„Fourteen.“ Mike answers.
„Great.“ Barnes praises with a satisfied smile. „I think you‘re ready for-“ The door busting open doesn‘t startle Mike in the least, but Barnes and the woman at the desk both flinch.
„Doctor Barnes!“ a voice calls. „An emergency!“
„Can‘t you see I‘m busy?“ Barnes grunts. „Send Gerber!“
„He‘s not here yet. You‘re the only-“
„On my way, dammit!“ the doctor sighs, and leaves, not without giving the woman in the room one last order. „Keep an eye on Michael.“ Then he‘s gone, but to Mike‘s immense relief, he isn‘t left alone in the room. The woman, probably a nurse, is already by his side before the door slams shut. Her face is slim, with kind, bright eyes. But along with his vision, and his sense for his own body, his mind is returning to him. Where the hell is he? What the hell is going on? What happened? Suddenly, Mike can‘t breathe. Panic. He doesn‘t want to be here. It‘s as though his lungs have collapsed. In the corners of his eyes, his surroundings are growing blurry again.
„Michael?“ the nurse‘s voice is already far away, all but inaudible. „Stay with me. Stay...“ But he doesn‘t.
This time is different. Mike‘s eyes practically fly open, and he‘s awake and aware. Just a second ago, he‘s talked to a doctor and a nurse. He remembers every word they spoke, every answer he gave. Mike remembers his life. Hawkins, Indiana, his hometown. His parents, his sisters, his friends. Mike remembers...
„There he is!“ the now familiar voice of Doctor Barnes says. „You had us worried there again, Michael. You were gone for almost ten minutes. But you‘re looking better. How do you feel?“
„Everything hurts.“ Mike groans. He finds the strength to rub his upper arms with his hands, and that gives him some comfort. The fog that‘s been hanging in front of his mind is now seemingly lifted. This is a doctor‘s office. If there‘s a nurse present, he‘s likely in a hospital. Currently, Mike is sitting on a dark leather stretcher, with the back part lifted to keep him upright.
„You‘re not injured, if that‘s what you're thinking.“ the doctor remarks. „You‘ve just experienced a lot of stress. Are you scared?“
„Yeah.“ Mike admits. The panic is gone, but his insides are rambling. Something‘s obviously wrong with him, otherwise, he wouldn‘t be here.
„You‘re at the Saint Bernard Hospital in Chicago.“ Barnes says, obviously struggling to keep the tone causal. „And you‘re going to be fine. Let‘s try and get you to your feet. Think you‘re strong enough for that?“
„I‘m gonna try.“ Mike desperately wants to be strong enough to stand upright.
„Just a second, Michael. Nurse.“ the doctor calls across the room. The woman Mike has seen before hurries from the desk to the stretcher. Mike is not prepared for what happens next. He can see her reaching for him. She‘s reaching under the hospital gown he‘s wearing, and soon, he feels something being removed from there. Up until now, he didn‘t even know there was something there. She takes the shiny object and places it somewhere out of his sight. A small glimpse at it is enough to make him feel hot all over, especially around his cheeks and ears. It‘s a bedpan. A damn bedpan. And the nurse is good looking. Why does Mike even notice that in his current state? Yeah, she‘s attractive. He curses his own mind for even imagining this, but she has probably placed it there. His blushing doesn‘t go unnoticed.
„Healthy reaction, buddy. Sorry, you spent a few hours here.“ Doctor Barnes laughs. The nurse turns to him, a comforting smile pulling on her lips.
„Sorry about that, but you were unconscious for a while. I already wiped that from my memory.“ she says. „My name is Sybil, by the way. Just to have that out of the way.“
„Okay...“ Mike tries to smile back at her, but it feels like it doesn‘t exactly work.
„Ready to stand up and take a few steps?“ the doctor asks. Mike nods in response. He manages to pull himself up so that his back is resting against the wall, feet dangling down from the stretcher that‘s too high up for him to reach the ground. The nurse offers him her hand, and Mike takes it without hesitation. He can‘t do this on his own. It‘s better to admit that to himself, than to trip, knock himself out again, and have her repeat the whole procedure down there.
„On the count of three.“ Sybil says. „One... two... three...“ Mike slides down from the stretcher. The tiled floor is cold against his bare feet, and gravity is pulling him down at three times its usual strength, but he is standing up without having to rely on the nurse to hold him. She‘s just there to help him keep his balance. Shaking heavily, he takes a step, and comes to a halt.
„You‘re on a good way, Michael. I think you‘re going to be back to full strength within a day or two.“
„But why? What‘s happened to me?“
The doctor and the nurse exchange an uncomfortable glance, before he answers „Don‘t worry, I‘m going to explain everything to you. It‘s just that, I‘ve told you before, and it didn‘t go well. Give me five minutes.“ He takes a few steps across the room towards the desk, where he picks up the phone and dials only two numbers. „David? Yes, it‘s me. Could you bring Karen Wheeler up here? Her son is awake. Thank you.“
„My mom is here?“ Mike suddenly sounds small, uncomfortably weak and vulnerable. Just as vulnerable as he feels right now. But he isn‘t injured. He‘s going home with his mom soon.
„You‘re in the hospital. Where else would she be?“ Sybil chuckles. „Sit down again, okay?“ Mike lifts himself to the stretcher again, this time remaining seated with his own strength. He doesn‘t have to lean on anything anymore, to his immense relief. Sybil hands him a pair of thick socks. „Put these on, the floors are cold.“ Leaning down to pull them over his feet requires quite a bit of coordination, and it takes longer than putting on socks should.
„How long-“
„In time.“ Sybil interrupts him. „Wait for your mom, okay? She‘s gonna be here any minute.“ She is right. Soon, there‘s a knock on the door, but instead of waiting for a reply, Karen Wheeler just busts into the room. Mike‘s heart jumps and drops at the same time. She looks so tired. He‘s never seen his mom like that, dark rings under her eyes. And he‘s rarely ever seen her so furious.
„What is this?“ she shouts directly into Doctor Barnes‘ face. „It‘s cold in here! How long have you kept my son-“
„Mrs Wheeler...“ the doctor tries, but is cut off rudely once again.
„He‘s not wearing anything proper either! Where‘s his-“
„Mrs Wheeler!“ Barnes‘ voice is firmer already, but it‘s not enough yet.
„He doesn‘t even have a blanket! How am I supposed to-“
This time it isn‘t the desperate looking doctor who interrupts her. „Mom!“ Mike shouts as loud as she does to get her attention. It makes her choke on her words, and in a matter of seconds, she‘s by his side, just in time for Mike to collapse into her embrace. He doesn‘t cry. He can‘t, but still, his hands clutch into her jacket, as if his life depends on it. It‘s weird, even stupid. Mike is not a little kid who needs his mom around all the time anymore, but right in this moment, he doesn‘t care. Independence doesn‘t matter now, as much as he wants to be a grown up, he isn‘t. He doesn‘t know what‘s going on, or what‘s wrong with him, and that‘s just too much to bear without her being there for him.
„It‘s okay.“ she chokes up so quietly Mike can barely hear her. „You‘re gonna be okay, baby. Nobody‘s angry with you, okay? They‘re all worried. They‘re-“
„Mom?“ Mike interrupts again, pulling back from her to see her tear-stained face. „Why... why would anyone be mad? What happened?“ If seeing her in tears because of him was terrifying, her eyes growing wide with shock have twice the effect on him. Now, that she‘s looking at him as if she‘s scared of him, Mike‘s heart picks up speed again.
„He doesn‘t even remember?“ she hisses in the doctor‘s direction. „Michael, you don‘t remember?“
„Remember what?“ he pleads. „Mom, I just woke up. I‘ve no idea what‘s going on! They promised me they‘d tell me once you‘re here.“ He doesn‘t care if calling Barnes and Sybil ‚they‘, as if they weren‘t in the room with him, is inappropriate or rude. In all honesty, Mike is fed up with the secrecy. He wants to know. He has to know what‘s happening to him. Doctor Barnes takes a deep breath.
„What you have to understand is, you‘ve woken up once, about four hours ago in the ambulance. We‘ve brought you to this room to monitor your condition after what happened.“ He shoots Mike‘s mom a glance. „I‘m terribly sorry to say that, but it didn‘t go well. It‘s... it‘s my fault really. You see, I was too quick with telling you, and you didn‘t take it well. It resulted in a major panic attack, and we had no other choice but to sedate you.“
„Panic attack?“ Mike‘s mom screeches. „Where exactly was I when that happened? Who do you think gives you the right to treat my son like that?“
„Mrs Wheeler, I think this is not the time and place to discuss my rights and responsibilities. I‘m here to help Michael, and if that‘s in your interest too, there‘s nothing you have to fear of me.“ Barnes sounds quite exhausted, and his words and tone seem to have a soothing effect on Mike‘s mom. Not on Mike, though.
„Can anyone just tell me what‘s wrong?“ Mike finally demands. „I‘ve had it with your talking around it, okay?“ The silence that follows is short. Barnes adjusts his glasses, stepping towards Mike and his mother. He pulls himself his chair, leaving Sybil sback at the desk.
„Okay.“ he says seriously. „What‘s the last thing you remember?“
Mike has to think. Images pop up in front of his inner eye. An all too familiar living room, small but homely. Familiar faces, and the corresponding voices. „I was... I was at my friend Will‘s house.“ he answers carefully.
„Can you go further?“
Mike is trying, but a sharp pain behind his forehead, a terrible pressure in his eyes, and blinding white lights make it impossible to remember. „Can‘t.“ He has to close his eyes, burying his face in his hands. „What happened? My friends!“ The realization hits him like a ton of bricks. Whatever happened to him, Dustin, Max, Lucas and Will were present when it happened.
„Michael...“ Doctor Barnes wipes his forehead with a sleeve of his white coat. „This is a psychiatric hospital. More specifically our station for patients under the age of eighteen. You‘ve suffered a serious mental breakdown.“ It‘s ridiculous. The doctor is talking gibberish. His words are making absolutely no sense whatsoever. „Did you understand that?“
„Excuse me, what?“ Mike‘s head is spinning.
„I said, you‘ve suffered a mental breakdown. You‘re at a psychiatric hospital.“
This time, he understands. Well, he recognizes the words Barnes is using. Though, that doesn‘t mean Mike gets a full grasp on what exactly he‘s trying to tell him. A mental breakdown... What is that even supposed to mean? Whatever it means, at least now there‘s that little bit of relief, knowing it‘s over. Breakdown happened, breakdown over, he‘s going home. „But I‘m better now, right?“
„I‘m afraid it‘s not that easy.“ the doctor tries explain. Mike can hear his mother quietly sniffling next to him. He sits down on the stretcher, wrapping both arms around him protectively. „You see, you‘re here on a court order.“
Mike‘s been hit in the face. The words leave his ears ringing, just like that one time when he visited an air show with his parents, and a jet fighter passed over them at such low altitude that he couldn‘t hear a word for an hour straight. It‘s basically the same feeling. „Court order?“ He‘s not sure if he has spoken, or just thought that.
„There‘s no easy way to put this, Michael.“ Barnes sighs. „You‘ve injured two of your friends. Lucas Sinclair and William Byers.“ This time, Mike understands right away, and it‘s sickening. His stomach is twisting inside of him, ready to jump up and out of his wide open mouth any moment. Luckily, the doctor isn‘t oblivious to that feeling of his. Right in time for Mike to throw up, the man holds a shiny metal bowl under his chin. The sickness doesn‘t vanish entirely after that, but it‘s manageable, especially because of how tight his mom is squeezing him now.
„I told you they‘re not angry, honey.“ she all but whispers. „Don‘t worry, they‘re fine. Some stitches, that‘s all. They don‘t hold anything against you.“
„Stitches?“ Mike yelps. „How-“
„Apparently...“ Barnes‘ voice is quiet and calm „...you‘ve used a kitchen knife. Your local police chief hasn‘t completed his report yet, so I‘m as clueless to the details as you are, at the moment. I‘m expecting to get all the necessary information tomorrow. Of course, you‘re not being tried. In that case, you wouldn‘t be here. But a judge has ordered treatment, and that‘s what I‘m here for. We‘re gonna get you back on track. Meanwhile, I‘d advise you to listen to your mother. Nobody is blaming you for this.“
„A knife...“ Mike repeats in utter disbelief. „I‘d never- I couldn‘t- mom, I didn‘t do anything!“
„I‘m sorry, sweetie.“ It hurts to know his mom is crying because of him. „I wish I could tell you... anything. But it‘s true.“ And like that, Mike is falling again. He isn‘t weightless, like before when he was stuck in that no-place. Quite the opposite, he feels heavy, too heavy to keep himself upright without the help of his mother. She doesn‘t let him go, though.
„This is a lot to process, I‘m sure.“ Doctor Barnes continues in a stern tone. „But I promise you, we‘re going to get to the bottom of this. You‘re here, you‘re safe, everyone‘s going to be fine. That‘s the most important part. I know you‘ve just woken up, but it‘s already past eight, and since being unconscious or delirious isn‘t a substitute for sleep, you should say your goodbyes for now. You‘re exhausted.“
„Goodbyes.“ Mike‘s voice is suddenly void of emotion. A new wave of panic is already forming. Goodbyes. „Mom, I‘m going home with you. Right?“ She‘s obviously not prepared for this, as her grip on him tightens painfully. Court order. She doesn‘t have to say it. Neither do Doctor Barnes or Sybil. Mike knows the truth. He‘s not going home. But she is.