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Merlin was officially on his way to a full blown panic attack. He had been pacing for so long and he had gone from feeling intense pain in his feet to numb and back again. But the pain in his feet was nothing compared to the pain in his heart when he looked down at an unconscious Arthur. It had only been a few hours since he had seen Arthur’s startlingly blue eyes glaring back at him, but it had felt like days.
Merlin stopped pacing and slowly walked tentatively towards his fallen king. He didn’t understand how his spell could have backfired so horribly. Unconsciously, he sucked in a breath as he looked down at Arthur and waited for him to open his eyes and fling a litany of surly retorts at him. After a few seconds he sighed and began his circuitous pacing. This was Arthur’s own fault. Why didn’t Arthur listen to him?
Merlin left the room and went back to the thick book of spells Gaius had given him so long ago. It had been so long since he’d used it that a cloud of dust greeted him when he opened it. As he leaned over to flick the pages yet again, he wondered where Gaius was. He didn’t know if Gaius had any answers, but he was the only other person he could think to turn to.
A few minutes later, when Gaius finally walked through the door Merlin was upon him in a flash. “Gaius, I need your help.”
“Were you able to talk some sense into Arthur?” Gaius said as Merlin grabbed his hand and pulled him towards his bedroom.
“Not exactly.” Merlin said as they got to his room.
Gaius looked at Arthur and then turned back towards Merlin. “Why is Arthur asleep in your room?”
Merlin wrung his hands. “He’s not sleeping. I used a spell on him to get him to stop and he’s been like this ever since.” At Gaius’ raised eyebrow, Merlin continued. “I swear it was a simple spell. He should be awake by now. But he isn’t. What if I killed him? I killed the king of Camelot.”
Gaius rushed over to Arthur. He felt his chest. “He’s not dead, Merlin.”
“Then why isn’t he waking up?”
Gaius didn’t answer him, but continued to examine Arthur, which Merlin knew was a futile effort. Arthur was in this state because of magic and only magic would fix him.
“There has to be something I can do. I can’t lose…” Merlin took a deep breath. He held up his hand and could feel the magic that coursed through him.
But before he could do or say anything, Arthur coughed. Merlin paused. He could see rapid movement under Arthur’s eyelids before he slowly began to open them. Merlin lowered his hand as he rushed towards Arthur. He waited for Arthur to open his eyes fully before he spoke. “Sire?”
Arthur looked up at him blankly. “M-Merlin?”
Merlin felt like he could breathe easily again. “Yes.”
Arthur just stared up at him.
After his relief subsided, Merlin noticed that there was something odd at the way Arthur was looking at him. It was almost as if he didn’t recognize him. “Arthur, how are you feeling?”
“I’m...alright.” Arthur said sluggishly. He sat up gingerly and looked in a daze as he took in his surroundings.
“Do you remember what happened?” Merlin asked somewhat nervously. He was sure Arthur’s calmness right now was the calm before the storm.
“I’m not sure. I think...it had something to do with Gwen and Lance.” Arthur said. His speech was still a bit slurred and Merlin was stunned at the lack of bitterness in his voice. Lately just to mention Lancelot and Gwen’s names in his presence was enough to set him off and you didn’t know if you would be thrown in the stocks or banished from Camelot.
Merlin motioned for Gaius to follow him as they moved a few steps away from Arthur. “Does he seem alright to you?”
Gaius gazed over at Arthur who still stared into space. “From what you’ve told me Merlin, he’s been unconscious for quite some time. It’s not unusual that he might be off for a bit.”
Merlin nodded though he wasn’t entirely convinced. “I suppose. But it usually doesn’t take him this long to recover. And why isn’t he having a tantrum over what I’ve done?”
Merlin and Gaius looked over at Arthur once again. Far from looking enraged, Arthur looked oddly calm and grinned over at them.
“What spell did you use on him?” Gaius asked.
Merlin thought back to what happened. “I had to stop him from hurting anyone and he wouldn’t listen. So I used a spell to make him better able to listen. So that he would just do what I wanted for one minute.”
“You took away his will?”
“Yes!” Merlin yelled. “I just wanted him to stop and listen. I didn’t mean to knock him out. I didn’t want to hurt him. He was going to kill Lancelot, what else was I supposed to do?”
Gaius gently gripped Merlin’s shoulders. “I’m not blaming you, Merlin. I know you did what you thought was best.”
“I wouldn’t have had to if it weren’t for Arthur.” Merlin looked back at Arthur and his anger from the last few days started to slowly come back to him.
“This isn’t entirely Arthur’s fault.” Gaius reasoned. “If Morgana hadn’t done what she had…”
“Then Lancelot wouldn’t be alive.” Merlin interrupted. “No matter what happened afterwards, I can’t be angry about that.”
Not for the first time, he wondered how such a joyous occasion could have led to this. Lance’s resurrection was a dream come true. The day he had come back to Camelot had been an incredible shock, but it had been one of the happiest moments of Merlin’s life. Other than being sickly pale and not as strong as he once was, Lancelot was the same brave man that he had been, the kind of man who would sacrifice his own life to protect Merlin. Merlin knew it was irrational, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty over what had happened. And he wasn’t the only one.
Gwen was dealing with her own feelings of guilt. While Lancelot tried to reassure both of them that they had nothing to feel guilty for, it didn’t take away either of their regrets. Merlin tried to make things right by offering Lance a place to stay. Gwen made more of an effort to renew her friendship with Lancelot.
It seemed perfectly harmless at first, but soon enough that renewed friendship led to rekindled feelings between Gwen and Lancelot. It shocked everyone, of course none more so than Arthur, when Gwen and Lancelot ran away together. While he still loved his friends, he was saddened that they had chosen to betray Arthur in this way.
To say that Arthur lashed out would be an understatement. If Merlin hadn’t stepped in Lancelot would be dead and Merlin would never have been able to forgive Arthur.
Merlin shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it. The emotions that it brought up were too messy to deal with presently; he just wanted to get Arthur back to his chambers. Merlin turned to Gaius. “Do you think he’s well enough to walk to his chambers?”
Gaius pondered this for a moment. “He didn’t hit his head. The effects of your spell should run their course soon enough. I don’t see why not.”
Merlin nodded and walked back to Arthur. “Sire, I think we should get you back to the castle.”
“Right. Whatever you say, Merlin.”
Merlin’s eyes widened. There was not a hint of sarcasm in Arthur’s voice. “Really?”
Arthur nodded solemnly. “Of course.”
“Okaaaaay.” Merlin drawled. He picked up Arthur’s hand and placed around his shoulder as he helped Arthur up. They took a few steps together before Merlin stopped. “Do you think you can walk on your own now?”
“No problem.” Arthur said easily. He took one step and stumbled and fell on his face.
“Arthur?!” Merlin rushed to him as Arthur picked himself up.
Arthur held up his hand. “Sorry, my fault. A little clumsy.”
One word Merlin would never use to describe Arthur was clumsy. That was Merlin’s terrain. But as he watched Arthur attempt to walk again and lurch forward, the only thing Merlin could think of was watching a newborn calf learning his to use his limbs again.
Merlin looked back incredulously at Gaius. He looked just as unnerved as Merlin. But he shrugged, “He should be fine by the morning.”
Merlin just shook his head and hoped to God Gaius was right.
~*~
By the time they made it back to Arthur’s chambers, Merlin was exhausted just from having watched Arthur walk. Arthur kept stumbling and Merlin was on red alert ready to catch him the entire time. He wanted to get Arthur ready for bed and go home and try to forget this day ever happened.
When they walked into the room, Arthur looked around as if he was seeing it for the first time. Merlin was still extremely worried about him. Whenever he would look over at Arthur during their walk he looked so odd. There was something so dead and lifeless behind Arthur’s eyes and half the time he looked confused and out of sorts.
Arthur turned to Merlin and grinned. At least Merlin assumed that was what he was attempting. But it just came off like a weird half grin, half grimace. After an unsettling few seconds, Merlin started to speak, but Arthur interrupted.
“Do you want to play a game?”
Merlin brow furrowed deeply. “A game?”
“Yes, I’m very bored. I think a game would be fun.” Arthur grinned again.
Merlin was done. Arthur’s smile was unnerving him; he was tired, and was more than a little furious with Arthur. “I think you’ve had enough games for one day, sire. I’d like to do my duty and just get you to bed if you don’t mind.”
“Right. You’re in charge.” Arthur agreed much too quickly.
Merlin blinked slowly. Oh, this was not good. He was starting to think his spell had worked exactly as he originally had intended. Merlin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Gaius was probably right. Whatever this was would most likely wear off in the morning. It had to.
Merlin proceeded to get Arthur ready in record time, which was helped by Arthur not complaining every step of the way the way he usually did. It also helped that Merlin tried to avoid looking directly at Arthur, who just continued to look at him so trustingly.
He got out of there as fast as possible, even though Arthur called after him as he left. Once he got back to his room, he was thankful Gaius was still asleep, and he crashed onto his bed immediately. With how exhausted he was, he assumed he would be asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow but he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling.
He couldn’t stop thinking about what happened that day, and especially the look in his eyes as he left on his quest for vengeance. After Gwen left him, Arthur’s feelings went beyond sadness. He was enraged and his anger seemed to boil over more and more every day until the thought of revenge against Lancelot was the only thing that concerned Arthur. He had taken all of his men away from their important duties and instead had everyone scouring all over Albion to find the runaway lovers.
The only positive thing that came about because of Arthur’s vendetta was that he finally learned Agravaine’s true colors. Arthur was determined to find out how Lancelot came back. He was suspicious of everyone and had Agravaine followed. He found out about Agravaine’s partnership with Morgana and why Morgana had brought Lance back from the dead. Arthur wasn’t able to capture his sister but he did throw Agravaine in the stocks where he remained.
Once he found out where Lance and Gwen were there was no stopping Arthur. Merlin had almost found himself imprisoned as well for trying to get Arthur to see past his rage and hurt. He had never seen Arthur like that before and it scared him. Selfishly, Merlin had to admit that it made him even more frightened of what Arthur’s reaction would be if he found out about his magic. Merlin tossed and turned and lay on his right side and wondered what would happen in the morning. Hopefully the spell would have worn off, but how would Merlin explain what happened? And what would he do if Arthur went after Lance and Gwen again? Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force sleep to come.
~*~
When Merlin got to Arthur’s room the next morning, he paused before he went in. He put his head against the door and touched it gingerly. He didn’t know what he would find or even what he hoped to find.
What he didn’t expect to find when he opened the door was Arthur standing stark naked in the middle of the room, literally wearing nothing but a smile. Merlin stared open-mouthed as he slowly walked into the room. “What…?”
“I’m waiting for you.”
“I can see that. Why aren’t standing there like that?”
“I’m waiting for you to dress me. I thought this would make things easier for you.” Arthur said brightly.
~*~
“The spell hasn’t worn off.” Merlin declared the instant he made it back home.
Gaius stopped rummaging in one of his cupboards. “Are you sure?”
“I walked into Arthur’s room this morning and he was awake and standing there completely naked.” Merlin announced.
“I suppose that is unusual.”
“Yes. Arthur’s never awake that early.” Merlin shook his head. He sighed and leaned heavily against the door. “He was trying to be helpful. This isn’t like Arthur at all. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know if there’s any reversal for this. There’s nothing in the book and I don’t know what else to try.”
“I have confidence in you Merlin. You’re one of the most naturally gifted sorcerers I’ve ever met. You’ve never really needed that book before and I don’t think you need it now.”
Merlin smiled. “Thank you, Gaius.” He sighed deeply. “I’ll have to figure it out after I get back.”
“Where are you going?” Gaius asked as he returned to rummaging in his cupboard.
“I want to see Lancelot and Gwen.” Merlin answered. Gaius didn’t seem surprised. “Arthur will be back to his normal self any day now. I don’t know if he’ll try to harm Lance again. They need to find somewhere safe to go if I can’t get Arthur to let go of his revenge.”
Gaius pursed his lips as he went over to the table in the middle of the room and sat down. “It’ll take time, Merlin. Arthur’s anger will subside.”
Merlin ran a hand through his hair. “I hope you’re right but I don’t want to leave anything to chance.” Merlin walks over to Gaius. “I need you to keep watch over Arthur while I’m gone.”
“Are you worried what he might do?”
Merlin shrugged. “With or without the spell, I can’t predict anything Arthur will do these days. I worry he’ll do something that can’t be undone even with my magic.”
~*~
As Merlin arrived back in Camelot, he still wasn’t sure what to feel. He always enjoyed seeing Lancelot and Gwen. No matter happened, they were still his friends and they didn’t deserve what Arthur had tried to do. But there was a part of Merlin that was upset with them and blamed them for what happened.
When he arrived at the castle, he saw Gaius talking to Geoffrey. He waited for Geoffrey to leave before he approached Gaius. “Where’s Arthur?”
“And hello to you, Merlin.” Gaius chided Merlin.
“Hello. Where’s Arthur?”
“He’s at practice with the knights.”
Merlin’s eyes practically popped out of his head. “At practice?”
“Don’t worry, Merlin. If there is one thing Arthur would never forget how to do is fight. It’s the safest place for him.” Gaius tried to sound reassuring but Merlin wasn’t so sure.
“I should find him.” Merlin said and then quickly left.
Merlin ran as fast as he could and arrived, seemingly, just in time. Arthur was swinging around a large mace with none of the precision and skill Arthur usually used. Merlin was afraid he would take out someone’s eye, or worse. “Arthur!”
Arthur turned to him with a big grin. “Merlin.” As he started to swivel around to face Merlin, he let go of the mace accidentally and it flew across the field and almost clobbered Elyan in the head. Elyan dashed out of the way and it landed with a soft thud on the grass.
Merlin winced. Perhaps he should have handled that better. As Merlin dashed to the crowd of knights and Arthur, he noticed that a few of the knights seemed injured. There was one cradling his hand, which was bleeding. Percival was clutching the back of his head and Leon seemed to be examining a wound.
Arthur beamed at Merlin before he frowned. “I seem to be rubbish with weapons.” He twirled his sword in his hand and it slipped out of his grasp and nearly impaled Merlin’s foot. “That was close.” He shouted. He reached for the sword, but Merlin snatched it up.
“No more weapons today.” Merlin turned and saw Gwaine jogging toward him. He looked back at Arthur and said loudly and clearly. “Stay. Here.” He didn’t wait for a response and ran to meet Gwaine halfway.
“Is something...out of sorts with the king?” Gwaine put fairly tactfully, especially for him.
Merlin nodded. “Uh...Arthur hit his head the other day and he’s not completely healed yet.
Gwaine clucked his tongue. “I suppose that explains it.”
“Explains what? What happened?” Merlin said insistently.
“He hasn’t been his usual sprightly self. Granted, he’s also been a bit more of a laugh than usual, which is a nice change, but he’s been easily distracted. He was showing Galahad a maneuver with the sword, something odd that I’ve never seen before, and he got distracted by a...a cloud and ended up stabbing Galahad.”
Merlin groaned. “I am so sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do it.”
Merlin bit his lip. “I know. But I knew something was off with him. I should have said something to you sooner.”
Gwaine smiled broadly. “It was actually kind of interesting and more fun than I’ve had in practice for ages. It’s just a flesh wound anyway.”
~*~
Merlin asked Gwaine to explain everything to his fellow knights and took Arthur back to his chambers. He sat Arthur down and explained to Arthur why he thought it was best that he not do any knight training for a few days and why it was best not to make any major decisions. Arthur agreed with anything Merlin had to say and didn’t put up a fight.
Merlin spent most of the day trying to complete his chores for Arthur and trying to figure out a way to reverse the spell. He was dead on his feet by the time he brought Arthur his dinner. He served Arthur and turned to leave.
“Would you like to join me?”
Merlin stopped in his tracks. He turned around slowly. “You’re inviting me to dine with you?”
Arthur shrugged. “Why not?”
Merlin opened his mouth to decline, but he was knackered and starving. “Alright.” He sat down hesitantly next to Arthur and fixed himself a plate. Merlin had eaten with Arthur before when they were outside the walls of Camelot, but never like this.
Merlin enjoyed the meal and even managed to deal with Arthur’s odd looks at him. He was far more disturbed by how Arthur was eating. He was chewing with his mouth open and spilling things on himself and eating everything, even soup, with his hands. “Where have your table manners gone?”
“I don’t know.” Arthur answered without looking up.
Merlin snickered. He got up to fill Arthur’s wine glass.
“Thank you.”
Merlin grinned as he sat back down.
“Are you not upset with me anymore?” Arthur asked suddenly.
“No. I mean, yes I’m still upset. You only tried to kill one of my best friends.” Merlin said coldly.
“I’m sorry.”
Merlin sighed. “That would mean more if you were actually your real self.”
Arthur wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “What do you mean?”
“Never mind. You wouldn’t understand.” Merlin looked up and wished that he could really talk to the real Arthur.
“Could you pass the grapes, please?” Arthur asked politely.
“This is so odd.” Merlin said as he handed them to Arthur.
“What is?” Arthur asked.
“You’re saying thank you and please, you’re inviting me to dinner, you’re being helpful.” Merlin sat back and smiled. “I could almost get used to this.”
“I’m not usually so nice, am I?” Arthur looked at him expectantly. He truly seemed curious and interested in Merlin’s response.
“No.” Merlin replied. “You’re a great king and sometimes you can be a great friend, but you’re rude and thoughtless and you take me for granted.”
Arthur looked saddened by that. “You think I don’t respect you?”
Merlin snorted. “Honestly, no. You certainly don’t show it.” He eyed Arthur warily. “You don’t understand everything I do for you. If you could sometimes do one thing for yourself, it would be appreciated.”
Arthur stared down at his hands. “I’ll be better Merlin, I promise.” He looked at the table. “Do you want me to clean up?”
Merlin really didn’t want to take advantage of Arthur. But there was a part of him, the part that was still furious with him, that felt Arthur owed this to him and he was so tired he didn’t feel like giving in to his better nature. “That would be nice, yes.”
Arthur nodded and got up to clear the table.
Merlin sat back and put his feet up on the table. When Arthur got to the door, he turned to look at him. “Tell the cook I said hi. Oh, and don’t let her tell you what to do. Remember you’re the king after all.”
Arthur grimaced and nodded before he left the room.
~*~
Gaius and Merlin did a great job over the next week of making sure Arthur had as little to do as possible. All council meetings were postponed, the excuse being Arthur had an injury he needed to let heal and needed to rest as much as possible. All matters of importance couldn’t be kept from him, but he actually turned to Merlin for help with those, and Merlin felt honored to assist in matters of such importance. It was nice to help Arthur, without having to use magic.
Arthur had to find other ways to occupy his time. And while Merlin didn’t want to use Arthur, he found himself giving Arthur more of his chores to do, which Arthur never complained about. Arthur oddly enough enjoyed such activities as cleaning the floors and really enjoyed washing his dogs.
Of course, not everything could be put off. Agravaine had set up a meeting between Arthur and the Princess of the neighboring land, Nemeth. A feast was to be held in her honor and they couldn’t cancel it without risking disturbing the truce that was building between the two lands.
As he dressed Arthur for the evening, an idea struck Merlin that amused him and he didn’t see what could be the harm. “Arthur, I think I have the perfect finishing touch for this outfit tonight.”
Arthur was all ears.
Merlin went to see if he could find the missing piece, not sure where it was after all these years. When he found it he smiled. He hoped and prayed the night would end better for Arthur than it did for Merlin when he wore it. He presented it to Arthur with a flourish and Arthur still didn’t balk after he saw it, not that Arthur said no to Merlin anymore, which Merlin felt a slight stab of guilt over.
He hadn’t spent much time trying to reverse the spell and tried not to think about why that was.
He placed the bright red feathery hat on Arthur’s head and Arthur actually smiled wider. Merlin stepped back and thought, I suppose it doesn’t look so bad.
~*~
While Arthur did get some stares and some people were taken aback - namely Gaius whose eyebrow practically reached the ceiling as he glared at Merlin - most seemed to find it amusing, one of those people was Princess Mithian. She said that she thought Arthur would be the usual stuffy, boring King, but he was actually funny.
The night was a success and everyone had a great time, except for Merlin. His guilt was starting to get the better of him. He wasn’t putting his best effort into fixing Arthur and he knew it was mostly selfish reasons. For the first time ever, Arthur was truly listening to him and he didn’t want to give that up.
But, while Camelot, wasn’t suffering yet, for the good of the kingdom’s future they needed a king that was whole and of sound mind. And, while he was loathe to admit it, Merlin did miss so much of what made Arthur Arthur and wanted that back. He decided that after the feast he would try one last trick that he wasn’t sure would even work, but at this point they had nothing left to lose.
After they returned to Arthur’s chamber, and Arthur got in bed, Merlin waited until Arthur was asleep and snuck back into his room. He gently touched Arthur’s head and tried a different version of the original spell.
He removed his hand and Arthur opened his eyes groggily, as soon as his eyes focused Merlin looked into them and could immediately tell the spell didn’t work.
“Merlin, why are you here?”
Merlin grasped for a good lie. “I...I had a nightmare.” Merlin winced internally. He supposed a bad lie would have to do.
“Did you want to sleep in here?” Arthur pat the bed beside him.
Merlin let out a loud squeak. “That’s not what I…”
“It’s okay.” Arthur said.
He looked up at Arthur so earnestly and openly that Merlin didn’t want to fight it. He nodded and Arthur quickly moved over. Merlin lay down tentatively and tried to leave as much room between him and Arthur as possible. He glanced over at Arthur. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I know you’d do the same for me. You protect me, Merlin. That’s why I trust you.”
Merlin closed his eyes and grimaced. It was such a nice thing to say but he didn’t want to hear it, didn’t think he deserved Arthur’s trust.
Arthur turned over and swung his arm around Merlin’s middle. “I love you, Merlin.”
Merlin stiffened. This was not happening. He could hear Arthur begin to snore softly. He held back as long as he could before he began to cry.
~*~
Merlin woke to a dash of reality. Or more like a slap from reality. Namely, Arthur. “Get up.”
Merlin opened one eye gradually. It wasn’t a dream. He really was in Arthur’s bed. That was about as much as he was allowed to bask, because he continued to feel soft, but insistent slaps against his face. He fully awoke and saw an irate Arthur as he stared down at him. Merlin didn’t even need to ask. “You’re back?”
“Back? Back from where? You’re talking gibberish and you’re in my bed because…?”
Merlin looked heavenward. “I had...a bad dream?” He definitely didn’t get the same reaction as the previous night.
“A bad dream? What kind of a fool do you take me for?” Arthur shouted as he got up and pointed at Merlin. “Get up and you better have a good explanation for this by the time you do.”
Merlin gulped and slid out of Arthur’s bed. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
Arthur thought about it. “I went after Lance to punish him for what happened with Gwen and you tried to stop me…” Arthur glared at Merlin. “What did you do?”
“I saved you from making the biggest mistake of your life, that’s what I did.” Merlin defended himself. He was so embarrassed and so upset.
“Did you hit me?”
In certain ways that is what he did so Merlin went with the lie. “Yes.” He figured out how to explain things. “You were unconscious and Gaius asked me to look over you, just in case you were seriously hurt.”
“After you hit me.” Arthur gritted out.
“Yes.” Merlin said simply. “I was asleep on the chair, but I thought I could just sleep in here for a moment to relax. I thought I would get up before you did, but clearly that didn’t happen.”
“Clearly.” Arthur said. He rubbed his forehead. “You need to leave and get me my breakfast.”
“That’s it?” Merlin was surprised the repercussions weren’t more severe.
“Yes, that’s it!” Arthur yelled. “And when you get back wash these sheets, I would suggest burning them, but I’d rather not waste them.”
Merlin gulped. “Yes, sire.” He trudged to the door. He looked back at Arthur once. “I’m glad you’re alright now.”
Arthur looked down and didn’t say anything.
Merlin slowly closed the door behind him. Merlin supposed this was what he wanted. Everything was back to normal. It was as if nothing ever happened, which was one of the most depressing things Merlin could think of.
~*~
“On your knees.”
Merlin looked at Arthur with wide-eyed shock.
“I know you’re incompetent Merlin, but I didn’t know you were deaf as well. I said on your knees. Clean it up.” Arthur growled before he looked away as if to dismiss Merlin.
Merlin stared down at the floor where the garish colored soup laid in a thick puddle.
After Merlin had served Arthur his dinner, he had taken one sip of it before he picked up the bowl and slowly, and with a malevolent look in his eyes, poured it on the ground. Merlin knew that Arthur could be a prat, it was a truth he lived with every day, but this was beyond the pale even for him.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Merlin said, looking incredulously between the Arthur and the mess he had made.
Arthur stood up swiftly and placed his hands firmly on the table. His voice dripped with venom when he spoke. “Do not take that tone with me. I know that I let you get away with more than I should but do not forget that I am the King of Camelot and you are nothing but a servant! Now, I will not ask you again to do your job and clean this mess!”
Neither one moved as they stared each other down. Arthur was icy coolness in his resolve but Merlin was decidedly less steady. He took in several deep breaths and seemed like he was about to burst with unrestrained emotion. What that emotion was he couldn’t be sure. Anger, hurt, and confusion were there in equal measure. He didn’t understand why Arthur was behaving this way.
The situation with Arthur had been steadily going downhill for over a week now since the spell had been reversed. He thought Arthur’s behavior after Gwen was bad but this was nothing compared to that. Merlin couldn’t imagine Arthur was that upset that he had supposedly hit him.
Arthur went from slightly human to prat to even worse than that and Merlin didn’t understand why. He ran himself ragged to try and keep up with Arthur’s demands. It seemed as if his list of chores doubled overnight. Merlin could barely unclench his hands at the end of the day after all the polishing he had to do. And he was forced to clean Arthur’s armor more than once because never was good enough for Arthur the first time. It seemed nothing Merlin did was good enough.
But Arthur’s latest act of petulant aggression was a step too far. Merlin could feel all of his anger and pain from the last few days bubble to the surface. The urge to scream and throw things overwhelmed him, but he refused to give in to that because it would make him no better than Arthur. If Arthur thought he could force Merlin to back down with the force of his stare, he would have to think again.
Merlin shot Arthur a contemptuous glare. “As far as I’m concerned sire you can eat your dinner off the floor.” He turned on his heel to leave.
Arthur sputtered indignantly behind him. “Where do you think you’re going? I could have you put in the stocks for this!”
Merlin whirled around. “I don’t care! After the last few days, I think the stocks would be an improvement. But I’m done letting you treat me like someone you can step on whenever you like. If that means that you put me in the stocks or I lose this job, then so be it. In fact I think the rats in the cells will probably treat me with more respect than you have.”
When Arthur continued to look unmoved, Merlin looked down. He had to bite his lip to keep the tears at bay. He refused to let Arthur see him cry, especially when Arthur would just see his tears as a sign of weakness. Slowly, he brought his gaze back to Arthur’s emotionless face. “I thought you were my friend.” As much as he tried, he couldn’t keep the small hitch out of his voice. He spun around again. He was inches from the door when his world was rocked.
“I know your secret.”
Merlin felt his throat constrict and the room came in and out of focus. He remained stock still and hoped and prayed that he had misheard Arthur. He waited a few moments and when Arthur said nothing else he knew that what he heard wasn’t a mistake. He tried to form words but couldn’t. He didn’t know how he was still standing when he couldn’t even feel his legs anymore.
Merlin stiffened when he heard Arthur’s heavy footsteps as they came towards him. He knew he should turn around, but his feet still weren’t cooperating.
“You speak about us being friends. As far as I’m concerned friends don’t lie to each other.” Arthur said his voice getting louder the closer he got to Merlin.
Arthur still sounded upset. But he didn’t sound enraged or disgusted, the way Merlin always feared Arthur might feel when he found out about Merlin’s magic. If Merlin wasn’t mistaken he actually thought that Arthur sounded hurt.
Merlin slowly turned around. He briefly chanced a glance upwards. He was right. Underneath Arthur’s practiced look of detachment he could see it in his eyes - Arthur was actually hurt. Merlin couldn’t even begin to know how to process that, especially on top of everything else he felt.
Arthur looked at Merlin expectantly. “You’re not going to say anything? I suppose I should be grateful for your silence finally, but of course you’d choose to remain silent at the moment that an explanation is actually required.” He strode forward and was within arm’s reach of Merlin. “If we’re such good friends, why would you lie to me?”
It had been a question that Merlin had asked himself countless times and he could never come up with a satisfying answer, even to his own ears. He didn’t think anything he could say would be acceptable to Arthur.
Merlin swallowed and tried to open his mouth and form words. He only managed a slight undignified squeak at first. Arthur looked at him piteously. Merlin closed his eyes and tried again. “Arthur, I-I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Arthur grunted. “Clearly, since I had to hear about it from Gaius.”
“That’s not how I meant...” He trailed off. “Gaius?”
Arthur nodded. “I suppose to be fair he didn’t actually tell me, I just overheard the two of you talking about it.”
Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t understand. What did you overhear?”
“During the week that I was supposed to be unconscious, I heard you and Gaius talking about a spell you used.”
Realization started to dawn for Merlin. “You heard that?” Arthur nodded. “You remember that?”
Arthur bit his lip before he spoke again. “I remember it all.”
Merlin had the wind knocked out of him again. “All of it?”
“Yes!” Arthur gritted. “I didn’t at first, but then everything slowly came back to me.”
Merlin stumbled backwards. “But you never said anything.”
Arthur laughed bitterly. “That is rich coming from the sorcerer.”
“Arthur, you don’t understand.” Merlin began.
“I’m trying to give you an opportunity to explain, but as usual you’re doing a wonderful job of cocking it up.”
Merlin’s teeth grinded down as he frowned. Another barb from Arthur pierced his soul. Merlin knew this was how Arthur communicated. Even when he tried to be helpful, he couldn’t help the teases and the name calling. It was a part of their banter and usually Merlin loved it. Arthur wasn’t like that with anyone else. To Merlin it felt like being able to have a part of Arthur he showed to no one else.
But sometimes Arthur took it too far and it hurt. Merlin couldn’t help but think back on the last few days and his anger started to surface once again. “You talk about friendship but you really don’t know the meaning of the word.”
Arthur looked taken aback. “What?”
“You heard me. You tried to kill Lance because he betrayed you. Why do you think I would trust you with my secret? So you could try and kill me, too?”
Arthur, who had started their conversation, steady and assured, looked a bit off kilter now. He couldn’t make eye contact with Merlin for a moment. “Merlin, that’s different.”
“Why?”
Arthur just stared back.
“Why? Because you love me.” Merlin still remembered what Arthur said to him the night before the spell reversed. It played on a constant loop in his head. He could tell Arthur remembered as well. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Arthur, you don’t have to worry. I know you didn’t mean it. It was the spell that made you dependent on me. I know that. I know that you don’t need me.”
Arthur took a tentative step forward, but then stopped. “I wouldn’t keep you here if I didn’t need you.”
“Arthur, that’s not what I meant.” Merlin said, great sorrow dripped from every word. “Arthur, you couldn’t possibly understand how worthless you make me feel.”
Arthur stared at Merlin. The way he looked at him it was if he really saw Merlin for the first time. He crossed his arms over his chest and pursed his lips. “I make you feel worthless?”
Merlin nodded slowly. “Sometimes. You say it enough times.”
“I’m sorry,” Arthur said softly.
Merlin almost did a double take. He was speechless at the sincerity in Arthur’s voice. It was as if he was seeing Arthur for the first time as well.
“But this is your fault, too.”
That seemed more like Arthur.”
“My fault?” Merlin cried.
“Yes! You lied to me! You’ve been lying to me for years. Do you want to know the real reason I reacted the way I did after Gwen left?”
Merlin gazed down at his feet and whispered. “I know why. Because you loved Gwen.”
Arthur shook his head vehemently. “No.”
Merlin’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Yes, I loved her but that was only part of the reason. Gwen and I didn’t have a real love that could withstand the test of time. Not like she has with Lance. And I know that now. But I trusted her and I trusted Lance and they betrayed me. Just like Morgana and even my own father at times. I couldn’t take it anymore and I took it out on them.”
Merlin gaped at Arthur but didn’t say anything.
“But you were the one person who never did that. I trusted you more than anyone else ever in my life and you’ve been keeping such a fundamental part of yourself hidden away.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know that you thought I would hurt you if I found out who you are. But I could never do that.”
Merlin sucked in a breath and took a tentative step toward Arthur. “Why?” He licked his lips and almost passed out when he saw Arthur’s eyes follow the movement intensely.
“Because I meant what I said that night.” Arthur said with fierce determination in his voice. “All of that was real and it wasn’t just because of a spell.”
Merlin’s hands twitched. He ached to reach out to Arthur but he was determined that Arthur would have to make the first move. “Tell me.”
Arthur peered deeply into Merlin’s eyes.
“Tell me,” Merlin whispered urgently.
Arthur charged forwards and he opened his mouth as if to speak, but suddenly grabbed Merlin’s shoulders and marched them backwards. Merlin’s back hit the door at the same time as Arthur’s lips crushed against his. Merlin’s toes curled in a matter of seconds.
It took Merlin a second to process that this wasn’t just in his imagination. Arthur kissed him. He froze for a moment but he couldn’t hold back a needy moan when Arthur’s lips parted against his briefly and Arthur’s tongue swiped against his bottom lip.
He could feel Arthur’s gentle tongue against the roof of his mouth and his cock began to stir. Arthur must be able to feel it, too. Merlin fisted his hands in Arthur’s hair as he felt the outline of Arthur’s hard length through his trousers.
Merlin began to feel dizzy and pulled back slightly and gasped against Arthur’s lips when Arthur ground his hip against Merlin’s. Arthur’s hands roamed everywhere. When he looked up at Merlin, his pupils were blown wide and Merlin knew what Arthur wanted. His hands, his eyes, his body screamed out to be touched.
Merlin didn’t stop to think or analyze whether or not this was a good idea. He couldn’t think about the possible repercussions. He couldn’t remember why he was so angry at Arthur earlier. He could barely remember his own name at this point. The only thing he knew was that he needed Arthur’s body - he wanted his mouth to kiss him until he was breathless, he needed his hands to knead his soft flesh, and he needed his heavy cock buried deep inside him.
Merlin watched Arthur intently as he fumbled with the laces to Arthur’s trousers. Arthur batted his hands away and practically tore them off. Merlin let out a breathy gasp when Arthur turned him around and pressed his face up against the door.
Arthur made quick work of Merlin’s pants. Merlin’s fingers scrambled for purchase against the door when he felt two wet fingers breach him.
Merlin whimpered and his head fell back against Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur leaned forward and sucked wet open mouth kisses up Merlin’s neck.
“Arthur, please!” His hand trailed lazily through Arthur’s hair. He clawed at the soft hair when Arthur sucked against the thick vein in Merlin’s neck.
“Please, what?” Arthur mumbled hotly against Merlin’s skin.
“You’re not going to make me beg, are you?”
“Would you?”
Merlin’s eyes slowly travelled upwards to meet Arthur’s. “Arthur, right now I’d do anything you wanted me to. Please, just fuck me.”
Arthur practically growled as he turned Merlin around and lifted Merlin easily off the ground. His arms crush Merlin to him.
Merlin wraps his legs around Arthur’s waist and he grinds down wantonly as Arthur sucked at his bottom lip. Their tongues tangled in a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.
When Arthur set Merlin down, he quickly divested him of his shirt and Merlin returned the favor. Merlin turned around and faced the door again. Arthur slid down his body and licked a wet stripe down Merlin’s back. He reached his arse and kneaded the surprisingly ample flesh.
The first stroke of Arthur’s tongue against Merlin’s hole almost causes him to black out. At the second, he bit down on his lip so hard he bled and felt the bitter taste against his tongue as Arthur’s tongue broke Merlin down until he practically sobbed against the wooden door.
Merlin threw his head back and moaned brokenly. “Arthur, I can’t - I can’t -”
Arthur pulled away and gently wrapped an arm around Merlin’s waist. He hushed Merlin’s cries as he tenderly kissed his neck and rubbed Merlin’s shoulders. “It’s alright. I’ve got you.”
Merlin felt the head of Arthur’s cock brush up against his hole, before he thrust inside and it was the most delicious pain he had ever experienced. The pain quickly melted away and Merlin felt peace and utter joy.
“Oh, God Merlin.” Arthur panted against his ear. He pulled out slowly and before he drove back deep inside Merlin.
“Fuck!” Merlin wailed.
Arthur’s hands gripped Merlin’s hips tightly. His fingers dug in on each slow and deliberate thrust.
Merlin knew he wouldn’t last long. His cock was painfully hard and left a wet trail against his stomach. As if he could read his mind, Arthur reached around and stroked Merlin’s cock.
Merlin fell back against the strong wall of Arthur’s chest and grasped Arthur’s neck. His fingers slipped through the sweat that pooled at the nape of Arthur’s neck. “Harder.” He grunted.
Arthur grasped the hands around his neck and pinned them against the door as he complied with Merlin’s demand and began to pound into Merlin.
“Yesyesyesyes.” Merlin cried with pleasure as his head bounced against the door.
“Fuck, Merlin!” Arthur hissed. “Are you going to come?”
“Yes, Arthur! Make me come!”
Arthur leaned forward and bit down on Merlin’s shoulder. “I need you to come for me, Merlin! Please!”
One more push and Merlin fell apart as he shook and spilled into Arthur’s hand.
Arthur pumped into Merlin with three more hard thrusts before he came inside of him with a long, guttural groan.
Arthur fell against Merlin’s back and panted into his ear. Merlin felt boneless and more satisfied than he could ever remember being in his life.
Arthur gently removed his hands from around Merlin’s wrists. He backed away from Merlin. Arthur was only away for one second but Merlin felt completely bereft without Arthur’s touch. Suddenly, he let out a squeak as Arthur lifted him up and cradled him in his arms. He blinked at Arthur. “What are you doing?”
Arthur grinned as he walked towards his bed. “You’re not as skinny as you look.”
Merlin narrowed his eyes. “Are you saying I’m fat?”
Arthur shrugged as his grin widened. The twinkle in his eye warmed Merlin’s heart.
Arthur lay Merlin down on his bed. He hovered above Merlin as he framed Merlin’s face with his hands. “I want you to spend the night here. Again.” Arthur said a lightness tinging his voice that Merlin had never heard before.
“Are you sure?” Merlin said, cautiously optimistic.
Arthur simply nodded. He made his way over to the other side of the bed. He got in quickly and molded himself to Merlin’s side. Merlin looked over at him as Arthur tenderly stroked his cheek. “I meant what I said earlier. I am sorry.”
Merlin reached out and took Arthur’s face in his hands and searched his eyes. “You said ‘I’m sorry’ twice and you even said ‘please’ are you sure this isn’t some spell?”
Arthur rolled his eyes as he removed Merlin’s hands. “Shut up.” He chuckled and brought Merlin’s hand to his lips.
Merlin grinned. “Hey, I actually liked simpleton Arthur.”
Arthur narrowed his eyes. “I was never a simpleton.”
“Arthur, you hugged a tree once.”
Arthur blushed briefly. “You will never speak of that again if you wish to ever have sex with me again.”
Merlin laughed. “Well, with a threat like that, I guess I’ll have to do what you say.” He burrowed his face into Arthur’s neck and inhaled his scent as he closed his eyes. He felt Arthur’s breathing even out as he pressed his palm flat against his chest and reveled in being held by Arthur and being allowed to touch him like that.
As his eyes began to close, he looked over at the front of the room once more. He grinned. “Arthur?”
“Yes?” Arthur mumbled with a slight hint of irritation.
“Who’s going to clean up that mess?”
“What?”
“Your dinner.” Merlin clarified.
Arthur opened one eye. “Oh, that.”
Merlin smiled. “Yes, that.”
“As good as the sex was you are still my servant, Merlin. It stands to reason that cleaning up still goes with the job.” When Merlin didn’t answer, Arthur opened his eyes fully and peered down at Merlin.
Merlin just glared at him.
Arthur sighed. “Merlin, I don’t clean.”
“You did before.”
“I was enchanted.”
“You could be again.”
“Are you threatening your king?”
“I’m threatening my lover. There’s a difference.”
Arthur rolled his eyes skyward. “Alright, we can do it together.”
That actually made sense to Merlin. Thanks to all of the lies, and feelings they kept hidden, they had created the mess together, and it was more than appropriate that they clean it up that way. Merlin leaned up and kissed the tip of Arthur’s nose. “Perfect.” He nestled his head against Arthur’s chest.
Arthur hugged him tight and cradled Merlin’s head as if he was the most precious thing in the world.
Merlin had never felt so satiated and calm in all his life. This truly was where he needed and wanted to be and he was so grateful that Arthur and he were finally honest with each other.
When he woke up that morning he had dreaded having to see Arthur. He didn’t know how much longer he could take his foul mood. But now he couldn’t wait to go to sleep and wake the next morning in Arthur’s arms. Not for the first time he marveled at how fast his life could change in just one day. He fell asleep with a smile on his face as he wondered, without fear, what the next day would bring.