Chapter Text
“So… Uh…” Zack began as his mouth failed to form a sentence, let alone contribute anything of value.
He really wanted to talk to Spikey, but how was he supposed to do that when Rufus was right there?
He couldn’t give away the game.
Could he?
Even from where he was sitting, he could hear the General’s molars grinding against each other.
That only ever happened when Sephiroth was so pissed off that he couldn’t form a sentence either.
Oh oo.. Rufus was gonna get it for stealing his date!
“What's for lunch?”
“Zack, it's just gone 9, do you ever think about anything other than food?” Rufus stated as he brushed imaginary dust from his trousers.
“Yeah!” Zack sat up defensively as he struggled to think of something other than an open behemoth steak sandwich doused in rich gravy with a side of cheesy fries.
“Chocobo's!”
“And?”
“Sex!”
Cloud screwed up his face as though he were about to be subjected to one of Hojo's medical experiments.
“Not together!” Zack suddenly clarified, waving his arms defensively in front of his chest as he clearly wished he'd just kept his mouth shut.
“How long until Mideel?” Sephiroth growled suddenly as a distinct edge lingered in his voice.
He was either getting very hungry, very agitated, very horny or perhaps all three.
“Too long.” Reno sighed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
*~.~*
“We're here!” Reno finally announced.
“Thank Gaia.” Sephiroth groaned as he tossed the helicopter door open before jumping out without even looking.
“Hey! I haven't landed yet!” Reno barked, but even as the words left his lips he knew it was too late.
Zack forced a smile to his lips. It was the same forced smile he had worn this entire journey as he sat across from Rufus.
“So where are we staying?” Zack smiled as he directed his words at the pilot.
“You mean you didn't book anything?” Reno’s jaw dropped, though he didn't know why exactly he was surprised.
This was Zack after all.
“No.” The soldier shrugged as though trying to work out what the problem was.
“You know this place gets like, mega busy, right?”
“No.”
“Unlike you, I booked a room ahead at the second best hot spring resort.” Reno taunted, plastering the biggest grin he could muster over his lips.
“Can I come stay with you?!”
“I think you already know the answer to that question, Zack.”
“Yus! I got a place to stay!”
“No!” Reno bit back as the helicopter hit the deck.
“This young lady and I will be staying at the best hot spring resort.” Rufus interrupted the ruckus as he took Cloud's hand in his own.
“What?! No!” Reno and Zack yelled in unison.
“Lucky Seph’s not here to hear that.” Reno muttered under his breath, though not quiet enough for Zack's enhanced hearing.
“Yeah! You better hope he doesn't find out either.” Zack winced as though someone had just impaled him with Masamune.
“Where is Sephiroth?” Zack's eyes searched outside the helicopter as though expecting to spot the leather clad, Masamune wielding, legendary fighter with godlike status wander out in front of him.
“He's at the bar.” Reno pointed through the windscreen to what looked like a Medieval themed bar.
“Well… See ya!” Zack waved goodbye to Rufus as he jumped out of the side door, seemingly only too glad to be shot of the President.
Zack ran towards the bar, followed in quick succession by the redheaded Turk.
“Hey Seph! What's that?” Zack pointed to the goblet residing within the General's unforgiving grasp. Or rather, the crimson liquid that looked disturbingly similar to blood, contained within it.
“It's mine, that's what.” Sephiroth tightened his grip further, as though imagining the goblet were Rufus’s neck.
Zack was sure glad he wasn't that goblet.
“Drinking the blood of your enemies are you?” Reno attempted to stifle his own laughter before being assaulted by another bout of hangover.
Why did he drink so much last night?
“Starting a bit early aren't we?” Rufus smirked as his eyes darted from Sephiroth's face to his goblet before returning to their origin.
The General gritted his teeth as the man tightened his grip around the goblet further still.
What was that thing made of?
“Remind me to get one of those goblets before we leave, I need indestructible crockery.” Zack whispered to Reno, though not quiet enough as Sephiroth’s unimpressed eyes darted to the dark haired man.
“Me too.” Though the redhead wished he had brought popcorn for this unexpected spectacle.
Who needs a shiny chocobo, when you have live entertainment this good?
“I'm sure we'll see each other around town.” Rufus farewelled the trio as he took Cloud's arm within his own and waltzed off.
A collection of incomprehensible noises were muttered by the General as he ground his teeth once more.
“Can we go now?” Zack whined as his eyes surveyed how much of Sephiroth’s blood drink remained in the goblet.
“Zack we only just got here!” Reno eyed the soldier with disbelief.
“I wanna see the chocobo!”
“You do realise the ranch is a three kilometer walk from here.”
“So?”
“In the mud.”
Zack shrugged, still struggling to figure out what the problem was.
“You coming Seph?” Zack grinned like an idiot.
“Stop calling me Seph. Especially in public.” The General growled as he downed the entire goblet of crimson liquid in one go before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“What would you rather he called you? Wanker?” Reno struggled to contain his laughter until his headache returned with a vengeance.
That, along with the General's death glare were a lethal combo.
“Just kidding!”
“No you weren't.” Zack stated innocently as he pulled a map out of his pocket.
“I think we need to go that way!” The soldier pointed towards the ocean.
“Zack, your map is upside down.” Sephiroth rolled his eyes, wishing he still had some alcohol left in his goblet. This was going to be a long vacation.
“Oh yeah! I think we need to go that way!” The soldier corrected as he now pointed in the complete opposite direction.
“Give me that!” Sephiroth growled as he snatched the map from the fingers of his second.
*~.~*
“Who thought this was a good idea?” Reno grumbled as his foot sunk down knee deep in mud.
“We've been at this for ages, we gotta be almost there, don't we?” Zack whined.
“Still got 1.67km to go.” Sephiroth corrected, though the mud hardly seemed to be affecting him at all as he gracefully glided over its surface.
“Ugh!” Reno and Zack groaned in unison as the mud continued to suck them in like a black hole.
Just then, a vehicle flew past the trio at an alarming speed.
It shot a tsunami of mud into the air, most of which fell straight onto the three.
“Oh for the love of Gaia!” Sephiroth growled, this just was not his day.
“Was that…?” Zack began, narrowing his eyes on the driver.
“Yep! That was Rufus and Cloud.” Reno sighed as he scraped a clump of mud off of his face with his equally muddy sleeve.
“What was Rufus driving?” Zack's jaw hung open as he watched the vehicle grow smaller and smaller on the horizon.
“That was the latest 4WD all terrain prototype that R&D have been testing for years. It also possesses amphibious capabilities.” Sephiroth explained.
“Great Seph! Now do it in English!” Zack grinned like an idiot.
“He means it's supposed to be able to go on water too.” Reno sighed as his eyes ran over his equally muddy compatriots.
“You know we can't turn up to the ranch looking like this right?”
“We look like we've already been off the back of a chocobo.” Sephiroth grumbled, yet Zack didn't know what he was complaining for, even after that mud episode, his long, silver hair still remained immaculate.
How? Zack screwed up his face as hardened cakes of mud clung to his black hair.
Not fair.