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Wei Wuxian’s yelps of pain still echoed in his ears. They had both broken the rules, Lan Wangji repeatedly told himself this as he continued to rationalize the entire punishment as necessary. Just because Wei Wuxian was from an outside sect didn’t mean he could simply get away with it. He was there to learn, and he no longer had the excuse of not knowing the rules. Wei Wuxian was not the first nor would he be the last person to get punished as he had, and Lan Wangji knew this.
And yet, there was still something inside of him, a twinge of discomfort and regret that he chose to ignore. His upbringing wouldn’t allow it, and so he stamped it down to a miniscule size and continued to remind himself that this was the correct course of action, and that he shouldn’t feel so bad about Wei Wuxian, who acted like he was above the rules and could be excused for any mistake he made. After all, it’s not as though he got preferential treatment either. Lan Wangji had taken his punishment as well, and the stinging pain still radiated across his back in waves.
He knew it would have been the best idea to go immediately to the cold springs to soothe the wounds, but instead he began to slow, and soon he lingered amongst the trees halfway down the path, not quite sure what was causing the hesitation. Was his still focused on Wei Wuxian? The mixed look of pain and confusion that he gave him when Lan Wangji joined him with the punishment? The way his eyes were asking Why are you here too? Aren’t I the only one to blame?
No. That wasn’t entirely it. There was something else there. When the punishment had ended, it was unsurprising that Jiang Cheng was the first to rush forward to catch Wei Wuxian from tumbling onto the ground when he first tried to stand up. Nor was it surprising when Nie Huaisang was flitting around them, clearly worried as he flicked his fan open and closed as he fidgeted, not sure what to do. No, there was the shock beneath his mask when his brother, after briefly looking over Lan Wangji chose to step forward and help Wei Wuxian as well, a gentle grip on his arm as he helped Jiang Cheng stand Wei Wuxian up properly, a quiet conversation among the small group as his brother ushered the two siblings out with Nie Huaisang scuttling closely behind them. Lan Xichen only briefly looked back at Lan Wangji, with a look between them that said ‘I know you can take care of yourself, brother.’
Yes, Lan Wangji could take care of himself, that much was true.
But in that moment, the sudden overwhelming feeling of loneliness nearly crushed him.
He tried to assure himself that his elder brother was only worried about their guest disciple, as they weren’t used to this type of teaching. Perhaps this is why he lingered so suddenly, unwilling to go to the cold springs. He knew his brother must have suggested it to Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji wasn’t sure he was quite ready to face the other disciple so soon after their punishment. So, he lingered as long as he could, and began to walk slowly towards the springs while hoping that it would be empty by the time he arrived.
But instead of peaceful silence, he heard voices. Easily identifiable voices.
Lan Wangji again shifted slightly, wanting to turn back and return to the Jingshi. But the ache from his back still stung painfully, and although he knew he could hide the pain, he knew it would be detrimental to his health to not treat it. But how he wanted to leave, because of the two voices he heard. One was Wei Wuxian, the bubbling laughter and loud rambunctious splashing were so obviously his, but the other...it was not Jiang Cheng or even Nie Huaisang.
It was Lan Xichen.
The quiet, gentle voice of his brother was amplified by the quiet forest, but the timbre of his voice was unmistakable.
When he finally emerged from among the trees, he was met with the sight of Wei Wuxian happily sending a wave of cold water over his brother, drenching him. Lan Xichen smiled back at the giddy disciple, and Lan Wangji could tell that this wasn’t one of Lan Xichen’s fake polite smiles that he gave many people, no, this was genuine. This moment was short-lived as they both took notice of Lan Wangji’s sudden appearance. Wei Wuxian lifted his hand and gave a wide sweeping wave of his hand in greeting.
Lan Xichen as well, gave him a smile as though there was nothing wrong at all with the situation, even though Lan Wangji’s mind was a tempest of confused emotions. “Wangji, I had wondered why you weren’t already here when we arrived.”
Wei Wuxian teasingly stuck his tongue out. “Lan Zhan, were you going to keep the springs a secret from me? Even after you got us both punished?” He gave a fake look of hurt. “Good thing Lan Huan was kind enough to bring me here if you really were going to keep it secret~”
Lan Huan? Already?
Was it just normal for Wei Wuxian to skip courtesy entirely and jump straight away to familiarity? Either way, his brother didn’t seem to protest this sudden closeness, though as Wei Wuxian spoke he began to swim his way to the bank of the springs where he and Wei Wuxian had left their robes. There was a brief moment where he thought Wei Wuxian was going to stay in the springs, as he watched his eyes flicker between the two brothers, seemingly trying to decide his next course of action. But alas, Wei Wuxian began paddling and splash after Lan Xichen’s retreating back, and hopped out alongside him to grab his own robes. Lan Wangji exhaled suddenly, realizing he had been holding his breath.
When they both had their robes situated, Wei Wuxian gave him another one of his bright smiles. “Well, I won’t stick around to bother you!”
Wei Wuxian’s laughter rang in his ears long after he had already left him alone.
Since that moment, it felt as though all he would see was Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian spending time together. Times where Wei Wuxian would be spending time with Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang became times where Wei Wuxian and his elder brother would go to Caiyi Town together, going on walks, or pausing to chat in the walkways of the Cloud Recesses. It felt odd, because before then it had seemed as though the two never interacted. All Lan Wangji could remember was Wei Wuxian pestering him and throwing himself at him. It wasn’t until their punishment that suddenly Wei Wuxian’s overbearing presence suddenly began to recede, and Lan Wangji didn’t know what to do with himself now that it was gone. He hadn’t even realized until then how used to Wei Wuxian he had gotten.
Even though they still spent long periods of time together when Wei Wuxian was inevitably made to copy the rules again, what used to be him sticking around to get a rise out of Lan Wangji changed to him bouncing out as soon as he could to call out Lan Huan! to his brother who always seemed to conveniently be near the library when they were done.
And Lan Wangji would feel the same tight, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach every time Wei Wuxian would run off. If his brother weren’t one of the main causes of this feeling, he was sure that he’d be asking Lan Wangji teasingly if he was drinking vinegar. Even with the apologetic looks that his brother would give him, he could see a tinge of something else, his eyes clouded over as they were only filled with thoughts of him. The same boy who had managed to burrow into Lan Wangji’s heart only to pass right through, leaving a hole in it’s wake without even realizing it.
“Shameless.”
Lan Wangji looked at his uncle. They were on there way to go visit his father, but Lan Qiren had stopped suddenly gazing towards a small clearing of trees off the path. Lan Wangji didn’t know what his uncle was talking about, until clear notes of a woodwind instrument crept through the air. The familiar sound of his brother’s xiao, accompanied by another flute that presumably belonged to Wei Wuxian. After all, as the guest disciple’s time in the Cloud Recesses was creeping ever nearer, the more time Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian seemed to spend time together. And they were alone, in their own little world playing a duet of a song Lan Wangji had never heard.
He wondered if they wrote it themselves.
“He’s like his father…” Lan Qiren muttered. Lan Wangji could immediately tell this was a conversation he did not want to be apart of, but he said nothing as his uncle continued. “That Wei Wuxian is turning him shameless. Not a care in the world about how often they spend time together. He’s meant to be the next sect leader and yet that rule-breaking troublemaker is unraveling all the sect’s teachings!”
…Lan Wangji almost wanted to tell his uncle that gossiping was not allowed in the Cloud Recesses, but Lan Qiren turned to him suddenly with an overpowering aura.
“Wangji, you are truly a model disciple. Since you were young we knew that you would make the sect proud. Wei Wuxian started off bothering you and you were able to ignore his advances. If things occur the way they might...you will make a fine sect leader when you’re older.”
Lan Wangji’s eyes widened.
He also knew that keeping secrets wasn’t allowed in the Cloud Recesses, and yet even after that day Lan Wangji never mentioned the possibility that they might pick him over his elder brother to take the mantle of sect leader to Lan Xichen, though perhaps he already knew.
--
Even though it had been years at this point since they had seen each other, Lan Wangji still couldn’t look Wei Wuxian in the eye. The young troublemaker had grown into a handsome young man, though the same devilish look glinted in his eyes. And even now, while donned in beautiful crimson robes patterned with lotus flowers and clouds, he pouted at Lan Wangji like a child.
“Come on now, brother-in-law! I’m apart of your family now and you still act like I’m the same rule breaker from when we were fifteen!”
Lan Wangji had stopped him from sneaking out to see Xichen before their ceremony.
“...not your brother-in-law yet,” he paused for a moment, and he couldn’t help but huff slightly in what almost sounded like a laugh, “...you're still a rule breaker.”
He could feel Wei Wuxian’s eyes on him, before the same musical laughter that truly never left his mind bubbled out.
“Well, I guess you’re not wrong!” Wei Wuxian seemed to sigh quietly. “I hope we can spend more time together, after this. I know you hate me but I at least want us to be friends…”
Lan Wangji finally shifted his gaze to face Wei Wuxian, and his breath hitched slightly at the sight, before he felt arms around him as Wei Wuxian gave him an embrace that almost ended as soon as it started. Wei Wuxian gave him a small smile and a squeeze on his shoulder.
“I’ll talk to you later, brother-in-law!”
And then he was gone.
After finally having made eye contact with Wei Wuxian, it felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of him the entire ceremony, and an ugly, resentful part of him imagined what it would be like, if it had been him instead of his brother. If he were the one to be prostrating next to Wei Wuxian, the one to wrap his arms around Wei Wuxian and pressing a kiss onto his forehead before placing the new Gusu Lan forehead ribbon on him, the one gazing at him lovingly as he ran around greeting guests knowing full well that he was his.
But he wasn’t.
The most he could ever do now is watch.