Chapter Text
There was a monotony to Emmerdale that appealed to most of its residents. Farm work to be done, sweets to package, a pint to be had and a cozy bed in an even cozier village. That said there were the few who enjoyed the snippets of drama, being a small hamlet there was always something tantalizing going on. Someone was cheating, someone was lying and they were always found out in the end. If you were lucky you happened to be sitting in the Woolpack when all the sordid details came out. If you were even luckier you already had your drink in hand so you didn’t miss a moment. No one ever wondered why the biggest of bust ups happened within the pub walls, they were too enraptured to think too hard about it.
Tonight was one of those nights. Pearl Ladderbanks was thankful she’d given her book club in Hotten a miss that Tuesday, deciding instead to have a glass of wine at the Woolie. She wouldn’t have missed this for the world, she just wished she had a pen and paper to make notes. Val would be horrified she hadn’t been here for this.
Sarah Sugden was sitting at the bar, talking in low whispers to Chas Dingle. Whatever they were discussing seemed intense, the two women thick as thieves, their children the best of friends. Rumour had it Sarah and her husband had been rowing a lot as of late, the more salacious tidbit was Sarah had strayed.
Then Jack Sugden barged in and the show began.
“You will not be taking my son!” Jack considered himself a man’s man, thought puffing his chest and shouting threats would get him what he wanted. That had never worked on Sarah. It was a wonder the two of them ever got together in the first place. Still his eyes looked ready to bulge entirely out of his head, his face red and his tone threatening.
The silence in the Woolie was instant, everyone turning their heads rapidly to look at the booming farmer, before whipping back around to stare at his wife.
Sarah Sugden was one of the finest women in Emmerdale, if not the finest in Pearl’s opinion, and she didn’t disappoint. She turned from the stool, her hand firmly in Chas’s across the counter.
“I will be taking OUR son. It’s what he wants.” Her voice was clear and strong, Pearl almost clapped in solidarity.
“He needs to learn to be a man, what could a whore like you ever teach him?” The collective intake of breath in the room was audible. James Barton started to stand from his seat in a booth before his wife grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.
Sarah just stayed seated, her usually kind voice dripped with venom.
“More than you ever could Jack Sugden, or would you like me to tell everyone in the village the kind of man you are? The kind of father you are?”
Jack’s face instantly changed to one of trepidation, his eyes suddenly darting around the pub, as if he’d just remembered where he was, that they weren’t alone. He swore then, clearly the only move he had left, before turning on his heel and exciting as quickly as he arrived.
There were a few minutes of silence, the village on a whole holding their breath. Sarah sighed, looking around the room herself her voice held a hint of humour. “So Jack and I are getting divorced if anyone was wondering.”
There were mutterings and a few applauses, Sarah drank her wine and Pearl smiled. That is until she saw little Victoria Sugden standing in the alcove to the back of the pub, her best friend Aaron Dingle with his arm around her shoulders. The little girl was crying as she turned and ran, Aaron hot on her heels.
Pearl felt for the girl, she really did, but she was barely 10 years old. She would be alright in the end, especially with a mother like Sarah. The Dingle boy she spent all her time with was a bit of a hooligan but she’d grow out of him soon enough.
**********
Aaron kicked at the dirt path that led to the Sugden farm as he waited for Vic to meet him halfway. He rarely saw her anymore, not since she moved with her mum and Robert to Hotten. It wasn’t far, but for a 13 year old it may as well have been the other side of the world. Aaron’s Mum fussed too much, wouldn’t let him ride his bike outside the village limits. Of course he did, but she was just none the wiser most of the time. Unfortunately he only saw Victoria on the weekends she visited her Dad and her other brother Andy. When Vic wasn’t in Emmerdale Aaron spent a lot of time alone which he didn’t mind if he was honest. He wasn’t like a lot of the boys in his class. Sure he liked cars and video games and blowing things up but all anyone wanted to talk about was girls.
Aaron didn’t really understand it if he was honest. He liked Vic well enough, she was his best mate, but his Mum was always teasing him they’d get married one day. Sarah Sugden was still her best pal and Aaron had heard them whispering once about being grandma’s to the same babies. Aaron and Vic’s babies. Ew.
Ross Barton told him he should kiss Victoria, because then he’d understand what the fuss was about. Ross had kissed two girls in their class already so he was the expert, everyone said so.
Maybe he’d grow into it? His stepdad Paddy told Aaron he could be a late bloomer. But there had been something else behind that smile, like Paddy had been waiting for Aaron to say something else. He thought simply saying, “I don’t like girls,” would be explanation enough. What else was there to say?
Maybe he’d ask Vic to kiss him, maybe once he did it then it would make sense to him. She was his best mate, he’d do it if she asked.
His thoughts were muddled until he heard the sound of an engine, looking up to see one of the Sugden tractors come into view. Aaron expected to see Andy with Vic in his lap, he’d drop her off to meet Aaron on occasion. He’d hand them a few pounds to get some candy before making them promise to stay out of trouble. Aaron liked Andy, he was a nice bloke, nicer than Mr. Sugden was anyway.
As the tractor got closer Aaron realized it wasn’t Andy but Robert behind the wheel. Aaron hadn’t seen him in forever, he never came to the farm to visit, it was no secret he basically hated his Dad.
Aaron told himself it was the surprise that had his stomach feeling weird, like he felt after his Mum drove too fast down winding roads. He had always liked being around Robert. Sure he was older but he always made time for Vic, and therefore Aaron too. Robert was always so confident and sure of himself, and he had cool hair. Aaron wanted to be just like him one day.
Vic waved at him happily as Robert turned off the engine and help Victoria climb down.
“Aaron, Robert showed me how to drive the tractor!” Vic scrambled over the small wood fence, bumped Aaron in the shoulder in their typical greeting. He wasn’t paying attention though. Robert was smiling at him, thumbs hooked into his jean pockets, looking so…
“Hiya Azza.” Robert was the only person Aaron ever let's call him that, at least after he turned eight and decided to was too grown up for the nickname. He’d forced everyone out of the habit, just not Robert.
For some reason Aaron felt a burning in his cheeks and looked at the tractor, the only thing in his view that didn’t make him feel nauseous. Vic, just kept nattering away.
“Rob came to help out this weekend, make some money because he’s going to London in a few weeks. University like a posh man.”
This didn’t surprise Aaron. Robert had always been smart, brilliant actually. Not in a bookish way, more like he could always look at any situation and use it to his advantage. Aaron was 13 but he wasn’t stupid, he saw it even if others didn’t.
“Shut up, Vic. Be back for tea or Dad will tear a strip off me.” Robert sauntered away and Aaron watched him go, feeling a little sad that he hadn’t said anything. He let Vic grab his hand and pull him back down the pathway.
They ended up by the creek, throwing stones and jumping over tree roots. Vic was talking about how much she still hated her school, she didn’t like any of the girls there. She missed Emmerdale.
“Well, then be friends with blokes like me.” Aaron felt like this was the logical conclusion. Instead Vic huffed and flipped her ponytail at him.
“Aaron, I can’t be friends with boys anymore. Not if I want to date them.” Aaron felt his stomach drop again because he didn’t want to lose Vic too. This girl/boy stuff was already confusing enough, he couldn’t lose his best mate.
“What so you ditching me now then?” Aaron tried to play it off, pretend like he didn’t care but Vic, she always saw right through him.
“No, you prat. You’re my best mate, I don’t want to date you. Yuck.” She scrunched up her face at him and made him laugh, lessened the knot in his chest.
“Yeah, well I don’t want to date you either. Girls are just…” He trailed off because he didn’t know how to finish the sentence. Girls were girls, and somehow that definition didn’t mean to him what it was supposed to.
“Rob’s has a whole bunch of girlfriends since we moved. His newest one is a right slapper. She’s always hanging all over him.” Victoria did a dramatic shudder for emphasis. Aaron ignored that uneasy feeling that was back and sat beside her on a log.
“Have you ever kissed anyone, Vic?” He watched her cheeks turn pink and took that as a yes. So she was normal then, not like him.
“What was it like?”
Ross had said it was pretty cool but Aaron thought it looked funny. Why would anyone want to share spit?
“It was nice. I mean it was only one time, a stupid boy in my class who won’t talk to me anymore.” She picked up another rock, lobbed it into the water.
“But like, you’d actually want to do it again?”
Vic looked at him then, square in the face, and smiled. Then she grabbed his face in her hands and pushed her mouth hard against his. It was over quickly, Aaron hadn’t even closed his eyes when she pulled back and smirked at him. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand, grimaced.
“What did you do that for?”
Vic laughed and patted his knee, were all the Sugden’s this confidant?
“To show you it’s okay if you don’t like kissing girls.” She scooted over and leaned her head on his shoulder, wrapped her arm around him.
But Aaron was supposed to like kissing someone wasn’t he? And if he didn’t kiss girls who was there left to...oh. Oh.
“Mates for life right, Aaron?” Vic’s voice was a whisper, like she knew he needed it.
He leaned his cheek on the top of her head. Thought about how she’d be going back to her Mum’s house the next day. How it would be weeks before he saw her again. “Right.”
**********
Aaron was quiet during tea, his Mum and Paddy eyeing him up. They asked questions about his day, was he enjoying the summer so far? Did Vic have anything new to share? Aaron just grunted his way through his meal.
He decided to not think at all about his first kiss ever and how disappointing it had been. Instead he went up to his room and played video games. It was Saturday night so it was busy at the pub, which meant Aaron could stay up late and maybe even sneak a soda or two. He crept down the steps, it was almost midnight and he didn’t want his Mum to know he was still up.
He was sneaking into the pub kitchen, hoping to get his hands on some pie when he heard a murmur of voices, and then something that sounded like Paddy did when his back went out at Christmas. Paddy had moaned a lot and made Aaron do everything from bringing him his tea to fluffing his pillows as he laid immobile on the couch.
Aaron pushed open the door slightly and saw two figures pressed together against the stainless counter. Marlon wouldn’t like that and neither would his Mum but he didn’t want to be found out. He was about to make a run for it when the flash of blonde hair made him pause.
It was Robert, and he wasn’t just kissing anyone, he was kissing a man. Aaron didn’t know who he was but Robert clearly did.
He’d never seen this before, men, together like that. He’d heard about it, boys calling each other a fag like it was the worst insult in the world. He hadn’t thought about it, hadn’t wanted to. But seeing it, seeing Robert, it was like suddenly kissing made sense.
Then Robert’s eyes opened and locked with Aaron’s, the panic so clear on his face. It made Aaron scared. Scared enough that he ran back up the stairs, shut his door and curled up in his bed. He pulled the covers over his head and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to forget how nice kissing a boy had looked.
How nice kissing Robert had looked.
*********
The next day Aaron stayed in his room, even though his Mum nattered at him to go enjoy the sun. He finally came down for some food and found Robert sitting on the sofa, nervously rubbing at his knees, looking at Aaron with that fear on his face again.
“Hey, Azza.” He gave Aaron a soft smile but Aaron could only stare blankly at him. He didn’t want Robert to be mad at him, he didn’t want Robert to be afraid of him. Mostly Aaron didn’t want to get into trouble.
Aaron shoved his hands into his short’s pockets and looked at the ground.
“Did you tell my Mum you caught me in the kitchen?”
Aaron was imaging a week of no video games and spending his days helping Marlon wash dishes. He hated helping Marlon.
A laugh made Aaron looked up, relieved when he saw the fear gone from Robert’s eyes.
“I was going to ask you the same thing.”
Aaron wanted to forget any of it ever happened, wanted to not look at Robert and see him kissing anyone, boy or girl.
Aaron’s mum took that moment to come in, smiling when she saw Robert and going to give him a hug.
“Oh honey, it’s so good to see you. What are you doing here, don’t you have to get back to your Mum’s?”
“Yeah, no I just stopped in because…”
“Robert’s going to teach me to drive the tractor!”
His mum and Robert both looked at him sharply, everyone knew Aaron hated farming, everyone. He almost hated it more than Robert. It was the only thing he could think of in the moment.
“Umm, yeah I was supposed to this weekend but Dad was on the warpath. So I promised Azza here we’d do it next time. That is if you’re okay with it Chas.” He gave Aaron’s mum a smile, the one no one in Emmerdale had ever been able to resist.
“Oh of course, I trust you. I have to get back, tell your Mum to call me.” She patted Robert’s arm and the have Aaron a pointed look. “And you are going to clean your room today, no excuses.”
She was gone as quickly as she came.
“Aaron...I...thank you. You’re a good kid.”
“Whatever.” Aaron didn’t want to be a kid. He definitely didn’t feel like a kid. Not anymore.
“And I promise, next time I will teach you how to drive a tractor. It’s the only part of farming that’s any fun.” Robert smiled at him again, and Aaron felt like they were partners in crime. They shared a secret, even if Aaron wasn’t entirely sure what that secret even was.
Then Robert was gone and Aaron, well he was just left to figure it out on his own.
********
Aaron didn’t ever get that tractor lesson from Robert. In the end it was Andy who showed him a few weeks later. Not long after that Jack Sugden died, Sarah and Vic moved back to the farm to help out Andy, and life just went on.
Aaron spent the rest of that summer and a few years after that accepting that he liked boys, and that was as okay as it was ever going to be. He had his first real kiss at 15 in the locker room at school with a fit football player that made his knees weak. He left school after that, deciding to work in his uncle’s garage over college.
He came out at 16, when he had enough knowledge under his belt that he could run if he had to, if he was made to leave. It had been a real worry, a thought that kept him up at night, but in the end it had been a needless one.
Vic has known, he’d told her years before, and she kept his secret like all best mates do. His mum and Paddy just hugged him and told him they were happy he finally told them. Seemed they’d known, maybe even before Aaron had. Sarah even had him over for dinner one night, told him all about her cousin who was gay, about how he had a partner and some kids. How she could give Aaron his number if he ever needed someone to talk to.
Everyone still loved him. He was still Aaron.
Everyone else in the village seemed to take in stride, but Aaron was willing to fight it out with his fists if necessary. He wasn’t ever going to moon over a bloke in the Woolie like Vic but he wasn’t going to be ashamed of it either.
As for Robert, well Aaron saw him from afar once or twice over the years. He was in school in London and visited rarely, though Vic was ecstatic everytime she got a call or text from her older brother. Robert came home for a summer one year but by then Aaron had his first real boyfriend, an older guy who had his own place. Aaron spent that summer working and then driving into Hotten, spending his nights happily fucked out and blissful. By summer Robert was gone and the relationship had ended, but Aaron wasn’t sad about either fact.
Then Aaron and Vic took a backpacking trip to France for a month. Aaron met Ed and decided to stay. For two years. Vic and him Skyped all the time, she was always his best mate. He pretended to act surprised when she told him that Robert had come out to the family as bisexual, introduced them to his boyfriend at the time.
When things with Ed ended Aaron went back home, went back to work at the garage and spent his nights out on the pull or hanging with Vic. He got pretty chummy with her boyfriend Adam, so much so that the three of them got a place in Emmerdale together.
He was happy, as happy as he expected to be at 24. If anyone mentioned Robert he was always glad to hear the guy was doing well, working in some sort of IT job. Aaron didn’t compare men he dated and men he slept with to the memory of Robert Sugden. So what if he had a thing for blondes with light eyes, he had a type. He certainly didn’t find himself smiling at the photo of Robert that Victoria had up on their fridge everytime he got a beer. Aaron honestly didn’t think about Robert at all really, but when he did it was always a little nostalgic.
Robert Sugden, the first person Aaron Dingle ever wanted to kiss.
**********
Robert imagined that for some moving back home at 30 would feel a bit like a failure, and maybe for them it was. Still Robert had a tendency to believe in serendipity, that things happened when they were supposed to. His relationship with Chrissie had ended a few months prior, and since she was his boss he got a nice payout with his termination package. Enough money that he’d had been able to set up his own consulting business, which had always been his ultimate dream.
He’d been living out of a furnished flat since he’d left Chrissie’s London townhouse, debated buying a place of his own when Andy had reached out asking for help. The farm was struggling, Andy wasn’t as good with figures as Robert and well, it was family after all. Besides he missed Andy, they kept in contact as much as they could but now that Andy was trying to juggle the farm and his kids it was getting to be a bit much. Andy had taken on the load so Robert could chase his dreams in the big city, it was now time to repay the favour.
But if Robert was entirely honest he just missed home. He missed the people and the quiet, he missed his siblings, he missed his mum. Robert had thought he couldn’t be himself in Emmerdale, not really, not when his father was the way he was. Everyone thought Robert was this cocky smug lad, and in a way he had been, though he would have called most of that a facade.
Once in the world on his own he’d embraced it all, his intelligence, his bisexuality, who he was. He’d always have some regret where his father was concerned but he knew enough that it wasn’t his regret to have. No, that was all on Jack.
And now, now he was just Robert Sugden and he was going home, for good. Or he would be if his car hadn’t decided to die when he was 20 minutes outside the village limits. His Porsche wasn’t exactly made for farm life and he had planned to sell it eventually. Okay, more keep it and buy something else he’d use more regularly. He loved the car but maintenance was a hassle, and expensive.
He had hoped to surprise everyone, the weren’t expecting him for another month but he’d realized there was no purpose in waiting. He hoped Dingle Garage hadn’t changed their number, it was one of the few Robert still remembered from the farm days.
“Yeah?” The voice on the other end of the line was gruff, deep and gave Robert a little shiver.
“Right, is this still Dingle’s Garage?”
“Yeah.”
Okay, not the friendly sort. Probably related to Cain.
“Right, this is Robert Sugden, my car broke down. I’m about 20 minutes outside of Emmerdale, the north pass. I need a tow.”
He heard some rustling, and then something that sounded like a slurp. He wrinkled his nose.
“Kay. See you in a bit.” Then the line went dead. Oh yeah, whoever this guy was he most certainly was related to Cain.
Robert passed the time by responding to emails, thankful the reception wasn’t as spotty as he feared. It didn’t take too long until he heard the rumble of a truck engine. He climbed out of his car and leaned against the door, wondered who was going to be the first villager to welcome him home.
The smile on his face died when he saw who got out of the truck. It wasn’t someone Robert knew, he was pretty certain he’d never forget that face.
There were good looking blokes and then there were good looking blokes. This one blew them all out of the water. He had closely cut dark hair, dark stubble and arms that filled out his black Henley in a way Robert wanted to memorize for posterity. His coveralls were tied at his waist, he had a line of grease down one leg and powerful walk that made Robert stand up straighter.
When the man got close enough Robert couldn’t believe how blue his eyes were, he didn’t know you could have eyes that colour. They reminded him of someone, he just couldn’t put his finger on it.
He reached out his hand, wouldn’t do to be impolite to the fit mechanic he most certainly wanted to get to know better. “Thanks for getting here so quick, Robert Sugden.”
Those eyes flashed with amusement before he rubbed his hand on his shirt and then shook Robert’s firmly. “Yeah, I know.”
Robert was still sort of stunned by the sensation of those calloused fingers against his palm but mentally righted himself when he got nothing more than a raised eyebrow.
“So what’s the problem?”
Yes. The car.
“Not entirely sure. I lost power, might be the battery. I don’t get to drive her much in the city so she’s not used to a long haul.”
That got him a brisk nod, “Pop the bonnet?”
Of course, Robert should have done that already. He gave the mechanic a few minutes, thought out in his head topics to discuss on the ride back in the truck. He wasn’t usually this bad at flirting, or acting like a functioning human being.
“Right, looks to be the battery. Gonna have to tow it back.” The bonnet slammed down and Robert resisted the urge to flinch.
“Great, I…”
The honk of an oncoming car interrupted him, it pulled in and then his sister Victoria came bounding out of the car.
“Robert!” She basically leaped into his arms, hugged him tight.
“Vic, this is a happy coincidence.”
She looked at him funny, then glanced at the mechanic with a bemused grin.
“No you idiot, he called me to come out here and give you a ride. What’s wrong with your car?”
Robert looked at the curve of the man’s back as he continued to hook up the dead vehicle.
“Oh, you know him then?”
Vic looked at him stunned, and then burst out laughing.
“Hey Grumpy! Do I know you?” She shouted it so loud Robert cringed as the nameless man whipped his head up. He straightened, crossed his arms over his chest and winked at Victoria.
“Would hope so, or else our living arrangement would be pretty awkward.”
Oh God, had Robert been checking out Victoria’s boyfriend? No, she said Adam worked at their mum’s farm, grunt labour. That he had brown eyes and...that meant...
Robert blinked a few times. “Azza?”
Victoria laughed again, clearly tickled by Robert’s amazement. Those blue eyes seemed to stare into Robert, the amusement in them suddenly gone.
“Just Aaron now, mate. Welcome home.”