Chapter Text
Most people assume that the seal is gone, it’s not. It’s broken, there’s a difference. The pieces are still there, in Tsuna’s head, grasping and pulling, trying to put Tsuna’s own will under lock and key. It’s like fighting 24/7 against an anchor and Tsuna lives in a constant state of fear. Fear of waking up one day to realize that he lost enough control and the seal snapped back into place, binding him strongly enough to leave him a hollow mockery of himself.
Tsuna knows that feeling all too well, he has lived with it for most of his life. Eight years lost to a haze.
So yes, Tsuna’s a wimp, how could he be anything else? He’s always terrified.
He hates Nono for it, hatred so strong that it surprises Tsuna but he’s smart enough not to breathe a word. Not too long ago, Tsuna had been bullied on every front, if he has learnt anything from it, it’s how to tell when to run and when to hold his ground. So Tsuna doesn’t let it show, he smiles to the man that ruined him, calls him grandfather and lets everybody think all is well.
Timoteo is old, it’s a waiting game Tsuna has every advantage in.
That’s why it surprises him so much when, one night, having found Xanxus on his way to plastered on the library’s floor, Tsuna takes all the abuse being hurled at him and then opens his own mouth. Words are flowing out of him without his permission but he cannot seem to find it in himself to stop.
The Varia Commander listens in stupified surprise as Tsuna whispers his secrets. But the angry front of the man’s fear loses its edge and in a moment of empathy, Tsuna thinks it’s a fair trade.
Xanxus never looks at him quite the same. His gaze seems to re-evaluate all of Tsuna’s actions, his stance is more open and the next time Tsuna finds him on his way to drunken oblivion, Xanxus pulls Tsuna down beside him and puts a bottle in Tsuna’s hand.
Both Tsuna and Xanxus were sealed, it’s just that the methods used were very different for each of them.
To Tsuna, they sealed his flames under lock and key, they were still there but trapped, unreachable to him. Like a dam. Sooner or later the seal would not have been able to support the pressure. His flames would have then sprung free and burn his body away while at it.
They unbalanced him, parted him in two when he was meant to be a whole. As a consequence of the seal, Tsuna’s flames have learnt to stay under his skin. It’s why it’s been so hard for him to learn to pull them out. It feels unnatural to him. It’s why he always runs so hot, too.
To Xanxus, they didn’t so much seal his flames as much as they sealed his body away using his flames as a battery. People forget but Zero Point Breakthrough isn’t normal ice. It was a self-sustaining prison, every little bit of flame that Xanxus produced was immediately stolen by the technic, reversed into maintaining the ice that kept him trapped.
Thanks to it, Xanxus body has learnt to throw out as many flames as possible in a futile effort at self-preservation. It leaves the man’s flames spreading around him and, on the bad days, Xanxus feeling inexplicably cold.
Admittedly, it takes Tsuna far too long to notice. Distracted as he is with Xanxus calculating eyes on him. In his defence, Tsuna has his secrets to keep and having anybody watching him so closely puts him ill at ease. And Xanxus? He’s far more observant than people give him credit for.
But Tsuna does notice it, after a while. He sees the way Xanxus hogs the sunlight, the small hidden shivers when the wind picks up even a little, and feels the slow dawning of realization. Because Zero Point Breakthrough might not be normal ice but it’s still ice, all the same, cold enough to burn.
So the next time they abscond themselves in a room, surrounded by liquor and darkness and with both of their right hand’s running interference on the outside, Tsuna decides to try and do something about it. So this time, he sits close enough to the older man that they can feel each other’s heat but not close enough to touch.
It’s a silent invitation and Tsuna knows Xanxus realizes it. They’ve gotten better and better at talking without words but the Varia Commander’s only acknowledgement of it is a slight stiffening of his shoulders before he forces himself to relax. That’s alright, both of them have their pride.
Tsuna continues to offer but Xanxus only starts taking him up on it once fall starts making way for winter. It starts small, with Xanxus pulling himself close enough that their shoulders are touching. It evolves from there, to the point that Tsuna finds himself used as a hot water bottle on the very bad days.
Squalo starts calling for Tsuna’s help, sometimes. And Xanxus gets more comfortable the more Tsuna shows how little he minds. After all, Xanxus has taken to run interference when Timoteo and Iemitsu both show up to bother him and Tsuna starts feeling jittery with anxiety. Being a hot water bottle in return feels cheap in comparison.
On a particularly terrible day, Tsuna finds himself crushed to the other man’s chest in a futile attempt to warm the older man up enough to at least lessen the violent shivers. Xanxus starts murmuring on Tsuna’s ear, chattering teeth making it difficult to understand.
But Tsuna listens all the same. He listens and learns about being in a changing state between unconsciousness and agony, of sometimes being awake enough to feel his own flames freezing and forcing them desperately out, of passing out and finding it mercy. Tsuna listens and learns and tries as hard as he can to heat the older man up.
The next time Tsuna has to hear Timoteo call Xanxus “my son”, voice sweet as honey, he almost throws up.