Chapter Text
Dead eyes stared back at me in the mirror, apathy encompassing my entire being as I photographed the dark bruises on my arms and face. It didn’t feel like my own face was looking at me, but one of a stranger. After all, the real Rachel wouldn’t let something like this go by without speaking up, right?
Except it was me in the mirror, and I was letting Jeremy’s actions go unspoken. But I could totally handle it; girls go through this every day, and I could too. I’m strong enough. I could hold it together to keep my Everlasting family safe.
The familiar disassociation temporarily muted the feelings of fear and crushing loneliness as I covered up the marks on my own battered body. The feeling was so much stronger as I was forced into silence, with the man responsible knowing too much about Everlasting’s indiscretions. Even as I took the photos, I knew they would never see the light of day. As much as I wanted to turn him in despite the consequences, I couldn’t bring myself to sacrifice the show.
I couldn’t bring myself to sacrifice Quinn.
I knew I couldn’t risk telling Coleman, knew he would want to go to the police, not having the same attachment to my Everlasting family.
I knew Chet wouldn’t keep it from Quinn, although I wished he would. I tried to convince myself it was because Quinn and I were fighting and she didn’t deserve to know, but in reality, I knew it was because I just didn’t want to burden her with even more of my issues. Although it was a moot point in the end, because any chance of Chet keeping quiet went out the window when I snapped at the suitor.
I had barely been in Alabama for an hour when Quinn called me. I wanted to ignore it, but I was never any good at denying her.
“Hello?” I answered, trying to sound casual on the very minimal chance that she was calling about something not Jeremy related. A hope that went out the window with the very first words she uttered.
“Chet just told me about Jeremy…” She said, her voice containing the subdued anger that was always so much more terrifying than her screaming. “And when I see him, I’m going to rip off his balls, deep-fry them, and force him to eat them.” She was even more terrifying when she uses that tone of voice while painting a very vivid picture of exactly how she was going to enact his very painful punishment.
I couldn’t let myself accept her vengeful way of showing compassion for my situation though, not with everything that had happened between us lately, and all the bad feelings that were still simmering below the surface.
“Are you seriously going to pretend that you care about me now, Quinn?” The harsh words felt like ash in my mouth, but as I felt myself spiralling further into my mind, my anger and manic emotions took precedence over the obvious concern in her voice.
“I do care about you.” She tried, but I cut her off before she could say anything more.
“Right.” I spat, before she could cut through the whirlwind and make me actually believe it.
“Did you pack your meds?” Quinn asked, and with that sentence, the whirlwind became a burning inferno.
“Oh yeah, god forbid I should have some of my own thoughts without pharmaceuticals pumping through my veins.” I could hear my voice getting sharper as my breath started coming fast and short.
Quinn scoffed and I knew she was desperately trying to get me to see her point of view but I didn’t want to hear it. She hadn’t been there, and she wasn’t there now, so she had no vote on how I chose to deal with the situation. I was not crazy, and I did not need medication. I just needed to forget about Jeremy and everything that happened. I just needed to do my job and make history like I planned when I had Darius agree to come to Alabama.
“Rachel, you have been through a trauma, all right? You are in no condition to produce a show!” And there it was, no matter how much she pretended to care, it was always just about the show. “So I’m going to get on the next flight, and I’m…” She continued, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“Okay, thanks for caring.” I said sarcastically, hitting where I knew it would hurt. “See you tomorrow.” I finished with a drawl, hanging up before she could say anything else.
Luckily I found my distraction from Quinn as Beth-Ann told me about her pregnancy. I pushed all thoughts of Quinn from my mind as I focussed on the Alabama girl, determined to make this the best season of Everlasting yet. Even if it meant lying through my teeth and telling her that my dad wasn’t my biological dad and that both of my parents loved me so much. It was worth it for the end result though as Beth-Ann agreed to tell her whole family and Darius on live television. Even Coleman’s less than enthusiastic response couldn’t ruin my buzz as I ran around to prepare for that night, even managing to get a ring for Beth-Ann’s ex-boyfriend to make the whole thing really blow up.
It shouldn’t have surprised me that Quinn called Coleman to try and force me back home, but no one was going to steal my moment, especially not Coleman. Not even Quinn. Although I was barely holding back tears as Coleman confronted me, I knew it was just the anger as the two of them tried to gang up on me, forcing me to stand my ground alone.
I could totally do this.
I was fine.
As the metaphorical shit hit the fan between Darius and Beth-Ann, I couldn’t contain my excitement, the producing high sending me leaping into Coleman’s arms, kissing him as I rambled about how happy I was. How happy I was for us. Not even my boyfriend’s hesitance could dampen my mood as I bounced away, no pain or guilt in sight.
I was totally fine.