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The first time he switched with Elliot after their victory on saving the world, he found himself lost and confused.
He panicked, at first, looking around hurriedly to figure out where he was. It didn't take long before he could recognize the ambient: he was in a cemetery; kneeling in front of a very specific tombstone that held Angela Moss' name.
He felt his cheeks wet and reached to wipe it with the sleeve of his hoodie, just to realize he was wearing some grey sweater. That brought him back to some issues, like why the hell he was awake.
He tried to reason, telling himself he was just in a nightmare in their head, but it felt too real.
Was Elliot Alderson okay?
He got up of the floor, looking around to see himself completely alone, but in a familiar place, he was in Washington Township's cemetery.
Okay, then. He knew where he was, he was visiting his best friend and probably needed to go home.
He took some more silent time with Angela, replaying in his mind memories of both of them.
He almost made it to the subway before losing consciousness.
_______
"You alright, cuz?"
The second time, he was in a small café sitting across Leon.
He vaguely recognized the place and that he was wearing a t-shirt, but quickly got his eyes back on Leon and tensed. What were they doing there? Did Leon need something?
"I'm fine." He answered before the silence got awkward, but it did anyway.
"Yeah, sure." Leon didn't buy it as usual, but he resumed talking about this new TV show he knew nothing about.
He missed Leon. He missed his never ending monologue about something he last watched, he missed eating with him and Hot Carla and he missed how calm Leon was, don't matter what was happening around. He almost missed his time in jail, if it weren't for his constant fight with Mr. Robot.
He hugged his arms lightly and curved himself, Elliot really wasn't the type to wear hoodies, it seemed.
"Here." Leon said taking off his coat and handing him.
He hesitated a little, but took it anyway. It wasn't his hoodie, but it helped him not to feel exposed.
"Nice to see you, Elli." Leon said casually.
He looked with confusion in his eyes to Leon, but he didn't provide any explanation, just a smile. He smiled small in response and looked away.
"So, how's life?"
"I don't... come out much."
"Oh," Leon said and nodded. "That's harsh."
He finished eating his pancakes in relative silence, satisfied with only hearing Leon speak.
When they decided to go home, he let Leon hug him and deposit a kiss on his forehead. He hugged back.
He kept wearing the coat and only got unconscious once he took it off.
_______
The third time it happened, he found himself in a ferris wheel alongside Darlene.
They were on the top of it and she had her arms up, screaming as loud as she could. Mr. Robot was there too and it felt nice to have him by his side this time.
"You know I'm always here." Mr. Robot stated simply, seeming to be enjoying the view.
"C'mon Elliot! You're not doing it!" Darlene called his attention, smiling big.
He stared blankly at her.
"I think you're supposed to scream." Mr. Robot said and grinned.
He shifted uncomfortably, but smiled. It was good to see her again.
Darlene stopped smiling, wearing now a cautious look on her face.
"Who am I talking to?" She asked.
"Busted."
"Sorry, I'm not... him." He said lamely and she smiled.
"It's fine, Elliot. Is he alright?"
"Yeah. I guess so." He answered and she squeezed his hand lightly.
"It's okay."
He got to spend the rest of the day hanging out with Darlene.
_______
The fourth time, he woke up on his bed like he used to do when he was the one in control.
He looked around his apartment to find everything like it used to be, maybe some adjustments, but nothing that gave him the feeling it wasn't his place.
"You're gonna be late for your therapy." Mr. Robot said casually, feeding Qwerty.
"Why am I here?" He asked.
He was coming to terms that the switch would happen when something triggered them, not a necessarily bad something. Elliot didn't switch much, and when he did, Mr. Robot was usually the one to take control for him. So Elliot wasn't just tired, or it would be exclusively Mr. Robot to come out.
Mr. Robot took a deep breath and proceeded to fill Flipper's bow.
He checked Elliot's phone for some clue, and there it was: May 9th. The monster's death or the hack, it was a trigger, right?
He didn't question too much, just choose one of his old hoodies that thankfully Elliot didn't get rid of and headed to Krista's office.
It had been a while since he's been there, considering. He remembered his imaginary Krista telling him about his disorder and saying real Krista didn't know she was talking to an alter the entire time.
Did she know now?
He sat across from her and waited for her to say anything.
She watched him for a while and smiled.
"It's good to see you again, Elliot." She said at first. "What brings you here?"
"I think he was tired."
"Does that have something to do with the hack last year?"
"I don't know." He shrugged.
He found out it was pretty easy to just go back to talking to Krista, and she acted exactly like before. She questioned him about the last few times he was awake, and he told her the circumstances of those. She questioned him about the headspace and his relationship with the other alters, and he told her that it was nice and they got along well.
Their session ended fast and before he could leave, he saw himself hugging her.
"I'd like to see you again, Elliot." She said kindly after he pulled back, and he nodded.
He got to stay the rest of the day, and after returning from Elliot's job, he wasn't really sure what to do. He ended up watching the shittiest movies ever with Mr. Robot and managed to not think too much about his monster.
_______
The fifth time, he felt his heart accelerate on the first sight he had.
"Bonsoir, Elliot." The man in his doorway said and smiled jokingly.
"Tyrell..." He acknowledged vaguely, managing not to tear up.
He looked around, he was home and Tyrell was inviting himself in with a very asleep baby in his arms.
He wasn't wearing a suit, and that thought was enough to almost stop his brain. Simple black long sleeved shirt. He eyed Tyrell carefully while he dropped the diapers bag on the floor. Flipper came to his feet and walked away.
"What is it? I told you I'd come." Tyrell said still playful.
"You're alive." He stated dumbly.
Tyrell had now worry on his face. He put the baby on his bed and used the pillows to make a barrier.
"You don't remember?" Tyrell asked cautiously.
"You got shot."
"I got help and went to find my son. I told you on the phone." Tyrell put a hand on his shoulder, starting to do circles with his thumb. "You forgot again?"
He looked at him with confused eyes. Tyrell was right there. Wasn't his death one of those things he blamed himself for?
"I cared." He said, trying to keep eye contact with his better effort.
"It doesn't matter." Tyrell said, forcing a thin smile. "I've been through this."
"But I did." He said again.
Tyrell was alive. In front of him. He wasn't one of the people that had their lives ruined because of him, and he needed Tyrell to understand it, but Tyrell's face was closing as if he wanted to cry.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop it, Elliot."
Did he say the wrong thing? He was trying to apologise, it was the least he could do. Tyrell dropped the hand on his shoulder and went to sit on the computer chair, eyeing his son for a while.
"But why?" He asked, with no answer. "Tyrell, why?"
"You don't mean it. Not really. I already forgot it."
He took a deep breath. It would be easier if Tyrell was pissed at him; it would be easier if Tyrell could just scream he hated him, at least he would know he deserves it. But he wasn't screaming, he was barely looking at him differently than before.
"I... I did a lot of fucked up things that time," He started again. "To people that didn't deserve it. I was angry. I'm sorry I left you, I care. I care."
He didn't notice he started crying until Tyrell was standing in front of him cleaning his face, with the most worried expression he's ever seen.
"I believe in you, Elliot." Tyrell whispered and hugged him.
He loosely put his arms around Tyrell, at first, but felt the need to tighten it, to feel the man alive in front of him.
"You don't remember when I called you?" Tyrell asked softly.
"It's hard to explain." He pulled back, looking away. "I'm not Elliot. Not the one you talked to."
Tyrell's confused face was there again, but he soon started to nod.
"Angela explained to me, a little," Tyrell said and he tried not to be affected by the mention of her. "It is you that I know, right?"
"Not exclusively." He said lamely. "I tried to stop the hack last year, you probably don't like me."
"Oh, Elliot, that's impossible." Tyrell said smiling brightly again, cupping his chin and kissing his cheek.
"I care about you." He repeated himself, locking eyes with Tyrell.
"I love you."
He just looked away and nodded, but Tyrell didn't seem angry, smiling and going to his son's, now awake, direction.
Tyrell left shortly after that, managing to give him a soft kiss on the lips on his way out.
He was still conscious a little after that, but he could only spend it uselessly smiling to himself.